


Some Assembly Required

by HVL



Series: To Be Human [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Natasha Romanov, Bucky Barnes & Clint Barton Friendship, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Bucky Barnes & Tony Stark Friendship, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Friendship/Love, Memory Alteration, Memory Loss, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Multi, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Parent Bucky Barnes, Parent Natasha Romanov, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Peter Parker, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Romance, Spies & Secret Agents, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark Friendship, Team as Family, Tony Stark Feels, mfm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-01
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:34:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 49
Words: 339,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22507885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HVL/pseuds/HVL
Summary: Natasha Romanoff aka Natalia Alianova Romanova, former KGB, former Red Room, former SHIELD agent assassin, spy, …and Avenger once more is whole. Her memory, once shattered into pieces, has now been stitched back together. She has lived many lives, inhabited many covers, been many women—and now she is all of them. Remembering is a journey, not just a destination. With a team and family at her back, she works to massage those discordant pieces into a coherent narrative while confronting the changes in her relationships, new and old. Time has never been on her side no matter how much of it she has survived. With their enemies gathering, the Avengers need her whole more than they realize.
Relationships: Clint Barton & Laura Barton & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton & Steve Rogers, Clint Barton/Laura Barton, Friday & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes & Clint Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes & Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes & Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, James "Bucky" Barnes & Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes & Tony Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Natasha Romanov, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Liz Allan/Peter Parker, Maria Hill & Natasha Romanov, Natasha Romanov & Stephen Strange, Natasha Romanov/Tony Stark, Pepper Potts & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark, Sharon Carter & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov, Tony Stark & Stephen Strange, Wanda Maximoff & Natasha Romanov, Wanda Maximoff/Peter Parker
Series: To Be Human [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1340026
Comments: 1093
Kudos: 750





	1. Here We Go Again

**Chapter One**

_Here We Go Again_

**Natalia/Natasha**

The flight didn’t take them long. Though Natalia had no angle beyond a glimpse of trees for their destination, she didn’t try to strain to see it. Instead, she rested her head against Steve’s shoulder. Tony covered her left hand and she turned it over so he could thread their fingers together. When Tony opened his mouth to ask were they there again, she squeezed his fingers in warning and he made a pouting face, then grinned as Steve chuckled.

The quiet was kind of nice. The last few days in Wakanda had been both brutal and wonderful. Peter’s open and almost effortless-seeming acceptance buffeted up against the bottomless well of grief she couldn’t seem to empty.

Control was vital to a Widow’s survival and all of hers had shredded. James promised to take her away, just as she’d asked and he’d made good on the promise the moment they arrived home. Peter would be safe with his Aunt May. Wanda would check in on him, of that she had no doubt, and Wanda herself would be safe at the Compound. Clint was headed to his family.

In so many ways, much was right in the Avengers’ world. So much.

Her Soldat back with her again and his name safely in her keeping once more. Beyond that, her Soldat flourished, more himself than he had ever been. In some fairly significant ways, he had changed. Though, she was not one to talk. Look at her.

The arm around her squeezed and she tilted her head up to find Steve studying her, a frown gathering his brow. Another change. His beloved best friend wasn’t just a precious memory carefully hoarded and then shared. He was real. Steve searched her eyes and she summoned another smile, then tucked her head back down.

Repairing the walls, the facades, the masks—that was going to take time. The Widow was there, she could shrug her on if she needed to, but Natalia and Natasha were seaming together, perhaps imperfectly. The weight of another gaze rested on her, but she didn’t have to glance at Tony to know Steve’s worry had translated easily. He rolled his thumb against the side of her hand and she didn’t object. Didn’t want to. Beyond his cherished friendship, the confession in the minutes before she learned of Mary and Will’s fates echoed in the back of her mind. He cared and so did she. 

Oh, but that was the thing about memories. Sometimes they came back with bitter truths wrapped in dilemmas. Too many bitter truths…

“Natalia,” James said. “Stevie. I need you both to close your eyes for me.”

“Is this gonna be like Coney Island…” Steve asked.

“No, Punk, it’s gonna be like a kidnapping if I have to put a bag over your head. Close your eyes and keep them closed until I tell you otherwise.” The humor decorating each of James’ words pulled another smile from her.

With a snort, Steve leaned down to murmur, “You’re right, Tony knows where we’re going and what this is, cause he doesn’t have to close his eyes.”

Another grin tugged at her lips. Exhaling a slow breath, she told herself James wouldn’t have her close her eyes if it wasn’t safe. She also had Tony and Steve right there as well as James. They’d all watch her back—had been watching her back.

Still, Natalia didn’t care for surprises and James should know better even if Natasha delighted when someone managed to surprise her.

_Like Peter did. He figured it out on his own. Clever, clever boy._

Vision wavering a moment, she closed her eyes.

“See, Natalia trusts me.” The soothing croon of his voice relaxed her further. Yes, she did trust him. She trusted all of them. Natalia trusted no one save for her Soldat, but Natasha had so many more she could trust. They’d proven themselves and Natalia relied on that data, for now.

The engines shifted and they were hovering then descending slowly. Her mind could detail each action by the vibrations of the deck plates. Then they touched down as gently as a bird alighting. The engines began to cycle down, the main thrusters going off, but power corded through the quinjet around them.

James left his seat and crossed the deck to where they sat.

“Tony, can you guide Steve?”

“Yep.” Tony said as he released her hand after another squeeze and then he set her hand on James’. The cloak had slipped away as she stood, which was a kindness because she was definitely warm.

“How far does he have to guide me?” Steve asked, a teasing note in his voice. “And is there a swimming pool or a snowbank nearby?”

“Keep it up, Punk, and I’ll find you one.”

“C’mon, Cap, it’s me,” Tony said, the playful affronted tone feigned. “What could go wrong?”

“Would you like the list alphabetical or by degree?” Steve retorted.

“Damn,” Tony said. “I’m wounded. Genuinely hurt. I tell you, I don’t know if I’ll survive.”

“I am sure you’ll figure it out.” The dry response was almost perfect.

“You know what,” James said as he tugged her to her feet. “You two can sit here in a time out until I come back for you.”

“Hey…” Steve said even as Tony let out an, “Awww, see what you did!”

Natalia laughed, the sound shaking some of the boulders loose inside of her. James curled his arm around her and then lifted her as if she were a bride. Not opening her eyes, she tilted her head in his direction. “I can walk.”

“I know.”

“Then why are you carrying me like I’m some invalid?” Having been an invalid in recent memory, she disliked the sensation.

“Because I want to surprise you,” he said patiently. “Do we need to have a strategy session and debate before I can continue?”

She considered it. “You would debate it with me?”

“If you wish.”

“Then no, but let’s be clear, I’m _letting_ you carry me.”

“I am absolutely clear on that point, lyubov moya and you have my gratitude.” Then he pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Behave, Kotyonok, because I could just easily say that’s eight.”

Her snort pulled a short huffed laugh from him and she tucked her head to his shoulder. “Let’s get on with the surprise before Tony and Steve strangle each other over their anticipation.”

“I think we should be offended,” Tony muttered.

“Nah,” Steve said. “But I do think you should bend the rules.”

“Oh…” Tony laughed. “We can do that.”

James sighed, his warm breath tickling her cheek as the ramp lowered and then he carried her out into the cold air. After Wakanda, the brisk chill was a slap of reality and at the same time, she craved the bite of the air. The snow crunched under his boots. Beyond the faint hum from the quinjet, only audible because she could hear nothing else. It was quiet.

Fresh snowfall in the forest quiet and she focused on possible clues. Snow beneath his boots, a breeze on her cheeks, the scent of snow and pine in the air—more it was clean. While she couldn’t hear vehicles, she couldn’t smell them either. No exhaust. No woodsmoke. No…

Tony and Steve’s steps in the snow tracked behind them, the crunch of their boots told her they were close. James shifted his stance as he came to a halt.

“You want me to… “ Tony began to ask.

“Stay,” James said. “You helped. You’ve been helping from the beginning. You should be a part of it, too.”

Tipping her head back, she considering slitting her eyes open to inspect their location, but James gave her a gentle squeeze.

“While I had this secured by Christmas,” James said quietly. “It wasn’t finalized and I couldn’t give it to you then.”

It was a Christmas present?

“It’s not technically a Christmas present, it’s more of establishing something I think we all need. A place for us… just for us, though… admittedly there is plenty of room.”

A house?

“While I know you don’t want to leave the Tower, Natalia,” James said quietly. “And I know Stevie wanted a place of our own, and Tony had security concerns. Admittedly, they are concerns we all share. This is ours for when we need to get away. Not full time, until when and if we want that, but a retreat that’s our island in the wilderness.”

The anticipation licking over each word told her just how important this was to him, so she shifted her grip from around his neck as he set her down in front of him, turning her so her back was to his chest.

“Surprise,” he said softly and she opened her eyes.

The front of the rocky _cliff_ with its drifts of snow doubled as a front for a house. Windows. Doors. The windows were camouflaged offering no glare or reflection for the weak sunlight. She cut her gaze from the front to the area around them. Woods. Field. Snow-covered. There were no tire tracks anywhere.

Twisting slightly, she stared back at where the quinjet sat parked neatly inside what looked like a structure. It wasn’t even out in the open. They’d crossed a field and through some trees to get here and then she looked back at the _house?_ It was a house.

“Buck…” Steve’s exhale matched the cadence of her own thoughts. Disbelief, surprise, and question… was this real?

“I know,” James said slowly. “It’s perfect. I looked at a lot of places, but I can’t take credit for finding this one.”

“No?” Steve asked as Natalia took a step forward, then another. She wanted to see inside. They were standing out in an isolated field, no cover and trees everywhere. The sightlines didn’t offer a lot of comfort, except anyone coming at them would have to come through the clearing, there were no trees up against the rocky escarpment.

“Friday… she knew what I was looking for and found me several candidates, but this one worked… Natalia?”

She paused and glanced back at him, raising her brows.

“You haven’t said anything.” His eyes were guarded. Telling Steve hadn’t been what concerned him. Steve’s expression held everything from quiet hope to stunned surprise. Tony seemed more neutral, except he kept darting looks at her and he’d _known_ what James was up to or at least that he had this place.

That told her a number of things. The trips out with Clint, for example, that was when James had gone house hunting. Those times when he said they were going to the ‘range’ and would slip away for hours while she was at meetings for the Accords. His ‘trip’ to the sex shop.

He’d been scouting a home.

“I want to see inside,” she told him. Not entirely certain what she felt about this place. The cabin had been their home. The Tower had become the closest thing to a second home since she’d left the apartment in Brooklyn.

Even then, that little place hadn’t been a home.

It had just been where she had Mary.

The pain spasmed in her chest and she pivoted away. Forcing the tears back. This was a surprise and James wanted to make her happy.

She had to find that happiness for him.

It was important.

“I want to see inside, zvezda moya.” 

Needed to see inside.

The laser focus in his eyes told her she wasn’t fooling anyone and since she wasn’t attempting to at the moment, she shrugged it off. He followed her, holding out a hand and she clasped it.

“You don’t have any questions?”

“Not yet.”

Tension corded through his jaw. “Natalia…”

“Shh,” she whispered. “I’m not angry. I’m not—upset. You did this because Steve wanted a place and you wanted an escape hatch.” She could see it all clearly. He wanted a place not only away from the Tower, but the Avengers and the city. A place that offered them isolation, like they’d had in Montana but not quite so far away. “I just want to see inside.”

And dredge up some measure of excitement for him. It was easier to pretend when Peter or Wanda was there. She could almost put a face for the guys, but the last few days had left her empty and raw.

Disappointment flashed in his expression and she closed her eyes as she took one step, then another. The snow wasn’t deep, but she sank to her ankles with every step.

He’d wanted to make this a good surprise and she spoiled it. Two steps from the front door, she tossed a glance over her shoulder as she summoned a smile. “C’mon slowpokes, you’ll miss the tour and I’ll have first dibs on everything.”

Steve’s grin grew wider as he strode forward and Tony relaxed a fraction, but there was suspicion around his eyes as she glanced up to find James still frowning.

“What?” Tipping her head to the side, she raised her brows. The playful gesture worked and some of the stiffness in his jaw eased.

“You have first dibs anyway,” he murmured. That made her smile real.

“You’re going to spoil me.” She’d meant it as a jest, but the flash of hope in his eyes hit her with the reality that he really did want that.

“Good,” he said, a syllable Steve echoed.

At the door, James tugged off the glove on his right hand and placed it against the scanner plate. No keys.

“Barnes, James B. authorized for entry,” Friday said crisply. “Welcome home, Sergeant Barnes.”

Natalia bit her lip as James motioned her forward, she stripped off a glove and placed her palm to the plate.

“Romanoff, Natasha authorized for entry,” Friday’s tone warmed. “Welcome home, Nat.”

She bit back a smaller smile and moved to lean into James as Steve and then Tony added their palms to the reader and Friday welcomed them.

The door unlocked, opening silently to swing inward. Before she could get another step, James swept her up again and she stared at him as he carried her inside.

“Really?” Despite the dry tone, her Soldier grinned, the unabashed delight in the smile hard to argue with.

“Yes,” he said, kissing the tip of her nose. “Thank you for indulging my caveman tendencies and my American sensibilities.”

Tony snorted and Steve chuckled as Natalia’s smile warmed. It wasn’t quite so much effort now.

“You’re welcome,” she teased. As he turned to face the room, her smile faded as she took in the scope of it. The place was huge, but it felt cozy. The walls were stone, real stone. When he set her down, she tugged off her boots rather than walk across the stone floors with their heavy thatched rugs tracking wet slush. The others followed suit, but she padded forward.

A huge fireplace sat waiting in the front room, the wood stacked and ready to be lit. Two fat sofas occupied that main room with a couple of chairs, lamps and on the mantle over the fireplace… were a series of photographs, a lot of them from the Tower. But it was her and Peter, she and James, Tony and Peter, Steve and James, the three of them, the four of them, a photo of her and Clint.

The air inside was warm and a little humid. She slipped off her coat slowly while glancing from photo to photo. There was even one from Christmas morning with the four of them and Peter from before they went out to the Compound and another from the snowball fight at Thanksgiving.

And one of Mary.

Wait… she narrowed the distance toward the photo. It was one they’d taken with the three of them, a Polaroid that James had to hold out with his arm—a selfie long before they were a thing.

“It was one of the photos we brought back to see if Tony and Friday could fix,” James explained. One they’d found in the cabin before Los Angeles and everything went sideways.

“Surprise,” Tony murmured. “Though I can’t take credit, that was all Friday.”

“Thank you both,” Natalia murmured and then she had to look away or she’d start crying again. The room was warm—not just in temperature, but there were little things—a music box on a table, a set of video games she’d bought for them and a console set up.

There was no…she narrowed her gaze on the slide in the ceiling where a television could descend. Despite being inside what was ostensibly a small mountain, it was bright. Natural light filtered through the windows and there were far more of them than she’d seen outside including skylights higher up and mirrors. Mirrors reflected the light down.

Someone had done an amazing job of design.

“Jesus, Buck… how big is this place?”

“Eight bedrooms, six bathrooms, about 357 acres of land, we’re almost in the dead center here, so no one will just be dropping by. Routes in from the state highway are very rural and you need a map and markers to find them. We’ll be changing it now that we’re here, shifting trees and boulders.”

Natalia followed the sound of the water, circling the kitchen toward where the living room fed into another sitting room and a small rock waterfall.

There was a waterfall feeding into a pool that ran through rivulets in the floor and then out somewhere. It had to have some kind of spring or pump to feed the waterfall. The water smelled fresh and the air was only slightly humid. Another fireplace, more chairs and then there was a kitchen nook with benches for breakfast and an actual dining room with a table set off of it.

The kitchen itself was as nice as anything that they had at the Tower, nicer in some ways—it had a double oven like Tony’s had on the penthouse level, perfect for baking. The appliances all appeared new and automated.

Lifting her chin, she checked… cameras.

Small microdots placed in discreet locations. Friday had full run of the place. The AI would like that.

Finding the stairs, she glanced down and then up. The stairs curved almost beckoningly and she flipped a mental coin and headed up. James was telling Steve about the fallout shelter in the basement and that it had been retrofitted and reinforced. The bomb shelter would work as a retreat and safe room within the safe house if necessary.

There was an armory, too, coded to them. Not fully stocked yet. Tony mentioned something about a few surprises and a converted workroom for James and a lab. Their voices faded as she reached the next level. Sliding barn doors were fitted to the front of the rooms and they were open. Four bedrooms on this level, two masters with an ensuite and the other two sharing a bathroom.

Maybe there was another bathroom downstairs.

The rooms each had beds and furnishings, they were made and looked welcoming.

The master bedroom boasted a huge bed, even larger than hers at the Tower and a stack of fluffy pillows. Another television was in the room and a pair of walk-in long closets. At the door to the bathroom, she paused. The shower was eight feet long and four feet wide and took up a whole wall. There were multiple showerheads. The bathtub was a sunken tub with jets on it. All three of them would fit with room for more.

A smile pulled at her lips. She’d wanted an upgrade and James had teased her about wanting a big bathtub. They could all fit at the Tower, but she still had to sprawl across them and they were wedged in.

And he found a place where…not only would they have more room in the shower, but in the tub, too.

Running her thumb over the ring on her right hand, she turned to look at the double-wide vanities and sinks. There was even room for a chair so she could sit to do her hair or her cosmetics—or shave them.

The room also had a window, tucked behind curtains and when she pulled them open and looked out, she stared at—woods. Just the tops of snowy woods stretching away. No buildings. No flashing lights. No people.

“It’s like Montana,” James said quietly. “The part you liked about sitting out on the porch.” The wrap of his arms around her had her leaning back against his chest.

“How did we not see all the windows outside?” Not that she hadn’t been looking. The windows on the ground floor and a couple of others she’d spotted, but this one was huge.

James nudged her forward then angled a finger up and she caught the overhang. “The glass is tempered of some kind, it doesn’t reflect glare. It does something with the light, so it reflects the stone and so when you’re looking, you can’t really find them.”

“I like that,” she said slowly, then looked out again. They weren’t facing the front, so it must be out the back.”

“There’s more.” James tugged her and she went. He guided her through the whole place, leaving the top floor for last. Steve and Tony were discussing the lab and the gym—they had a full gym. “It’s fully equipped, including fifty speed bags in the storage room for you. Though I’m sure Friday will keep another fifty on backup at the Tower for transport at any point.”

“Nice,” Steve half-chuckle snorted.

“We all need our self-soothing methods, I don’t judge.”

“Sometimes, I wonder where you learned English,” Steve retorted and it was Tony’s turn to laugh.

“Me, too.”

At the top of the stairs, James let go of her hand and motioned her forward. All hardwood floors, a thick door… probably soundproofed, and polished wood floors. The barre was placed alongside and mirrors hung along both walls that didn’t boast windows. Fat circular windows at either end offered natural light.

He’d built her another dance studio.

“Damn, Buck,” Steve exhaled.

“Room behind you, Punk.”

She pivoted as Steve opened a door that was off to the side, away from her studio and it opened into another room full of natural light, an easel and a supply cabinet and that was what she could see from this angle.

“Figured you could use a studio here, too.”

The grin on Steve’s face grew, unreserved and open. “Buck… I don’t have words.”

“Well, like Friday said. Welcome home.”

The back pounding hug they gave each other was sweet. Her gaze snagged on Tony’s and he dipped his chin as he smirked a little. The wistful look on his face was there and quickly gone again. Then Steve looked at her along with James.

“Well? What do you think?”

Her reaction was so very important to them.

“Actually,” James said. “Hold that thought.” He shrugged out of his jacket and wrapped it around her before tugging her down the hall to another set of stairs.

“How many levels, James?”

“Five—six if you can’t the fallout shelter.”

Six.

She chuckled and he glanced at her with a growing smile.

“It’s a little larger than the cabin.”

“A little larger?” Natalia didn’t bother to contain her snort as James reached the next circular stairs that climbed and she followed him up as he reached the top and then accessed a panel that freed a pressure door and they were out in the cold, on top of their little escarpment. A deck of sorts blended with the trees.

Tugging the jacket closer she suppressed a shiver and then Cloaky rushed up to wrap around her more securely and she glanced at the collar as it rubbed against her cheek. Cloaky must have been waiting on the quinjet still. 

“Sorry if I left you out, it wasn’t my surprise,” she apologized.

Tony snorted. “So, now we apologize to the cloak…ouch.” The cloak had smacked his fingers and Steve chuckled.

“ _Anyway_ ,” James said with emphasis. “There’s a landing pad up here as well, but we can secure the quinjets inside the barn out of sight. When spring comes, we’ll move some vehicles up here…we’re about two hours from the city by the roads, a little under twenty-five minutes by air, we can do it in fifteen if we go full throttle.”

Now, he faced her. “It’s an escape… we can come here for weekends or for a night. Whenever we just need to get away from everything, and it’s private. There’s space for Clint and his family—and for Peter and Tony. I made sure.”

Natalia didn’t miss Tony’s surprise or Steve’s grin.

“I think there’s room for Wanda, but we might have to be creative.”

“Or she and Peter can share, I’m sure that will happen eventually if they keep seeing each other.” Natalia shrugged and the dead silence from her audience pulled her attention and she raised her eyebrows. “You have noticed they’ve been making out, right?”

“Not it,” Tony said, holding up a hand. “I volunteer Steve.”

“For what?” Steve looked at him.

“The safe sex conversation.”

James snorted and Steve glared at him.

“Idiots,” Natalia said with a roll of her eyes. “I already talked to both of them. They were very uncomfortable, probably delayed any forward momentum for a few weeks.”

Still…

James had found them a place they could have, but they weren’t moving in, just splitting time here with the Tower.

Quieter, James said, “You need a place to heal. This is a good start.”

To stitch all the pieces together. “I like it.”

Three words seemed to buoy him and James wrapped his arms around her and she closed her eyes as she burrowed against him.

“C’mon,” Steve said quietly and she didn’t turn as the door closed, leaving her and James in the snow and the chill. The cloak wrapped tighter as did he.

“Do you really like it?” He asked.

“I do,” she admitted.

“You weren’t certain at the beginning.” It wasn’t an accusation.

“I’m not certain of much right now,” she admitted. Confessing a weakness was not something she enjoyed. “This seems…it’s so much. Natasha really didn’t want to move into a house or settle somewhere and call it a place.”

He didn’t react to her use of third-person beyond saying, “And what does Natalia think?”

“That my home was in Montana with you and Mary…that I never had a home before the cabin.”

A sigh escaped him and James pulled back to look at her. “We still have the cabin.”

“And now we have this… it’s going to make Steve really happy, isn’t it?”

He chuckled. “It already has.”

It made James happy, too.

“And Friday? You brought her, too?”

“Wanted you to have access, wanted something to keep this place secure when we weren’t here and you two have gotten close. That said… if you wanted to build your own AI with Tony for the place, I’m sure Friday won’t mind too much.”

Natalia wrinkled her nose. “I like Friday. I don’t mind that she’s here. But…you made room for Tony.” That shouldn’t surprise her. It didn’t on some levels, but there had always been a resistance.

“Tony’s earned that place, Kotyonok. He’s more than earned our trust and he’s been a real pal the last few months and in the last few days alone he saved you—twice.”

“So that means?” She studied him.

“Whatever the hell we end up deciding it means and we’re not making those decisions right now. In fact, we should get you inside so you can settle and there’s food…”

But she stopped him with a hand on his arm as he turned them to the door. “James… thank you.”

“For what?”

“For this…for not pushing. For letting me just wade through all of this, but mostly for being there. I know this isn’t any easier for you.”

They’d held each other far too many times over the last few days. “It’s… not as fresh for me,” he said slowly. “Losing her _again,_ before we could find her, it aches.” He rubbed her arms gently, stroking his hands up and down. “I hate that you’ve remembered so many other pieces…but we have Peter. He’s a good kid. We have the rest of the team, you built a real family around you and you made room for me in it.”

“Of course, I did.”

He snorted. “There was no ‘of course’ about that, Doll. I haven’t forgotten shooting you in D.C. or how you got between me and Stevie when I snapped at the chalet. How you kept a wary eye on me, or how you told me under no circumstances was I allowed to mess things up for the punk.”

“Well, to be fair…” In retrospect though, the fact it had been a question at all seemed almost anathema. “You were trying to get him in trouble.”

“Maybe a little,” he admitted. “I know, I was a jerk.”

They chuckled and she leaned into him again and glanced down. Neither of them was wearing shoes, but her feet weren’t cold.

“Is the deck heated?”

“Yes, Nat,” Friday answered. “In panel heaters were installed over the last week. The Iron Legion completed the work four days ago, refinishing the wood. The fresh snow from two days ago has covered sections, but I can heat those as you wish. This has a good vantage for morning sunrises and I believe deck furniture is in storage should you wish to put it out. But you may have your morning sunrises and still be warm even in winter.”

“See,” James whispered against her ear. “Friday is already beginning to plan five steps ahead just like her teacher.”

“Thank you, Friday,” Natalia said with a chuckle. They had thought of everything.

“But now we’re going in. Stevie and I can grab the bags, there’s clothes here thanks to standard stocking protocols, as Friday put it,” James said as the door opened for them and let them in. It closed then sealed. “There’s also emergency protocols in place that will shutter the whole building as needed. It can be a fortress if we want it to be.”

“Otherwise it’s just a home we share where we’re James, Steve, Natalia and Tony? No Avengers?”

He paused a stair below her and glanced up. “Yes.”

The steadiness there made her smile. “It’s been a long time since I was just Natalia.”

“I know, been a long time since any of us were just who we were, sometimes we can’t escape it. But here? We make the rules. This is our place.”

“You bought this?”

“Yes.”

This couldn’t have been cheap.

“Don’t,” he said firmly and she frowned. “I spoke to Isaiah, but I had the money and I took care of it. Friday’s buried the documents; it’s all off the grid. It’s ours. Every bit of it. Though Tony helped, I was asking him for a loan and he gave it as a gift.”

Because Tony.

“You know I can help.”

“I know you can, you help me every day by being alive, by smiling at me, and by healing. I don’t ever need anything more.”

“You have officially become a sap, Soldat.”

“Deal with it, Kotyonok.”

The laughter came a little easier and he lifted her hand and kissed her palm.

“You can explore if you want,” she told the cloak. “I’m warmer now that we’re back inside.”

The collar rubbed against her cheek again and then it slipped away. She tugged off James’ coat to hand him as they descended past the studios and down to the bedroom levels. There were more bedrooms to be seen and the gym, but she paused at the doorway to the bathroom on the living room level and frowned.

There was a litter box in there.

“James…” She began as she continued toward the living room and paused. Steve had gotten the fire started and Tony cuddled a very familiar black cat who was currently shedding all over his shirt and purring like a motorboat.

Aware of the focus of all three men, Natalia sighed. “Someone brought the stray here.”

A moment later the cat leapt from Tony and raced over to wrap around her legs. Crouching, she ran her hand over Liho’s purring head. 

“Someone cheated.”

“Clint might have called Laura,” James said slowly.

“And I provided transport,” Friday offered.

“Cute cat, Red,” Tony said. “I knew you were a softy.”

Lifting her middle finger, she continued to stroke Liho’s back. “And what will Lucky do without you, hmm?”

The cat purred then leapt and she balanced against Natalia’s shoulders as she stood, then rubbed her face against her cheek and Natalia smiled again. 

“Coffee,” Tony said as he headed into the kitchen.

“Yeah, I was just going to get that started, there’s two pots,” James said. “Natalia, do you want tea?”

“Yes, please,” she said as she made her way into the living room where Steve waited with a small smile.

“You really like the place, Angel?”

“Yes,” she told him, sitting down and then giving Liho attention as she sprawled across her lap. The cat had gotten fat in her tenure at the Bartons. Not quite the lean and ripped little stray that kept wandering in Natalia’s window to eat her out of every can of tuna. “What about you?”

He settled on the ottoman facing her. “I love it.”

“I can’t believe he bought this whole place—and kept it a secret.” She raised her voice on the last part.

“You knew I was doing something, you just chose not to look.” Yes, her James knew her very well.

This was true and she winked at Steve. He grinned. “He got me. I knew he and Clint had been spending a lot of time together…”

“Clint got a house,” Natalia said abruptly. “He bought them a house closer to the Compound, didn’t he?”

“Not my secret to share, Kotyonok.” But behind him, Tony leaned out and nodded his head.

Pleased, she tilted her head. “Well, maybe Liho will see Lucky sooner rather than later.”

“Lucky?”

“Their dog,” she told him. “Liho is very fond of Lucky. It’s part of why I left her there…well that and I was on the move so much after SHIELD fell.”

SHIELD.

Images danced across the back of her eyes. Pierce. Rumlow. The table. The missions.

The day she slammed the knife into herself rather than into Coulson.

Phil.

Maria.

She closed her eyes and shook her head.

The memories were all there, rifling past like the flipped pages of a book. She didn’t want to think about them, so she pushed them away. When she opened them again, Steve wore a worried expression and he was sharing a look with James.

“I’m fine,” she told them both. “It comes and goes, I just have to be careful for a bit that there are things that will bring memories to the surface. New triggers and once I’ve figured out how all the shards fit together…” She had all the puzzle pieces now. “It will be better still.”

While that didn’t seem to settle them fully, it did seem to soothe. Soon they were all sprawled out in the living room with coffee for the guys, tea for her, food—there were a couple of platters of sandwiches and veggies for nibbling. Music played on low, a bluesy kind of jazz through the speakers against the trickling and bubbling water in the background. When Natalia disturbed Liho she abandoned her in favor of Tony.

“So, how long do we get?”

“As long as you want and need,” James said. “We are making the time here.”

She liked that.

“I’m going to…” Tony began.

“Stay there and relax,” Steve said. “No lab work, I figure you’ll scoot down there at some point, but you’ve done nothing but keep everyone moving and work on Nat for the last two-plus weeks. We all need a break includes you.”

“And we need to talk,” James said.

“You want to do that now?” Tony said carefully, one hand on Liho and the other on his coffee mug.

“No,” James said with a glance to her. “I’m thinking we relax for a bit, watch a movie, nap, read—whatever Natalia wants.” And likely sleep. The one thing all the doctors had been clear on, she would need a lot of sleep. Just as James had needed it when he came back to them.

“If we’re doing movies, we need popcorn,” Tony stated.

“And hot cocoa,” Steve tagged on, nudging her lightly.

“Subtle,” she murmured.

“I can be,” he said.

“Blanket fort?” James asked and Natalia laughed because they’d barely finished eating when all three were in motion.

“I guess I’ll make the hot cocoa,” she told them and wandered into the kitchen. For a moment, she was alone with Liho while she located what she needed. The cat studied her the same way they used to stare at each other in the apartment when Natalia had a single chair and a pallet in the corner. She didn’t much care for sharing it and the cat kept wanting to sleep there.

“What do you think?” she asked the feline. But she lost Liho’s interest the moment Cloaky passed by, the cat raced after the snapping edges of the cloak. Oh, there was no way that could go wrong.

Still…

James called something out to Tony upstairs and Friday answered elsewhere. They were tracking down blankets. So she located the popcorn and got it started while the milk heated.

Something was wrong and they didn’t want to talk to her about yet. She’d put that much together, so it was time to get them to relax and to do that, she needed to get the patchy edges a little smoother.

Be more Natasha than Natalia for a little while.

The only question was could she be more Natasha, for all that they shared a bleak past, Natalia had broken and Natasha never had.

In so many ways… she was still broken. 

***

After the third movie, Natalia had begun to nod off and they called it a night. Tony’s room was just down the hall from theirs and she only half-listened to them as she washed up and then crawled into the bed wearing a t-shirt. Liho bounced right up to rub against her and then settled but no sooner did Steve and James come in than she bounced off the bed again.

She vanished into the hall and James paused. “Should I leave the door open?”

“No,” Natalia said. “She used to go prowling at night, so she’s probably going to prowl now.”

Tired or not, she reached for her phone. It had been in her things and she checked her messages. There had been two from Peter that evening, just check-ins and it buzzed as she held it.

**Peter:** Finished patrol. It feels even colder here than it did before. I think I’m missing Wakanda. Are you resting? Do you need anything? I’m going to wrap early, but I can be at the Tower in no time if you need me.

She chuckled.

_I’m fine._ She typed. _Tired. Resting. The boys are looking after me. Might even be able to make my own tea tomorrow._

**Peter:** LOL! They better look after you, Mom. But I mean it, I can be there in no time. I found a box of photo albums. I’ll bring those when I come.

The bruise around her heart expanded.

_Thanks, Petya. You should get some rest. Did you have a lot of homework to make up?_

**Peter:** Nothing I can’t handle. But… you know, I’ll fill you in on the rest later. I just wanted to check on you.

But?

The bed dipped as Steve slid in next to her and he glanced at the phone. Something was going on with Peter.

_It’s my turn to ask. Are you all right?_ She eyed the message, waiting.

**Peter:** Yes and no. Saw Liz today. It was complicated. I was texting Wanda when she walked up.

Steve winced.

“Problem?” James asked.

_Be honest._ She typed. _If you’re not honest then you’ll be hurting one or both of them on purpose._

**Peter:** And if I don’t know what I want?

She snorted.

_Then you should still be honest. I traded in lies and half-truths for a long time, Petya. Some lies are necessary. Some half-truths protect. But if the lie here only protects you from choosing, then you are choosing to hurt them when they find out._

The phone was silent for a long moment, then…

**Peter:** I’ll think about it, Mom. I promise. I just need to figure out where my head is. It seems clear one minute and not the next.

_I understand._ Maybe more than he knew. Each time the word mom popped up it sent another spasm around her heart. _I’m here if you need me._

**Peter:** And I’m here if you need me, too.

She smiled.

“That could be messy,” James said quietly.

“I know,” she said with a sigh. She glanced at him. “Is that why Tony is here so we can answer the messy question?”

“Partially,” James admitted. “More because I knew you would want him here and because if we left him at the Tower, he’d lock himself in a lab and he needs a break as much as you do.”

“And…” Steve said. “Because he’s our friend. You asked for something at Christmas and I never really got to give you an answer.”

“Neither of us did,” James tacked on.

Leaning back against the pillows, she studied them. She waited them out. Whatever the answer was, it was just another issue to deal with among a lot of other issues. Tony was…

“The answer, for me at least,” Steve continued quietly, “is as long as you’re honest with us—which you have been—then give Tony his date if you want to and tell us if anything changes.”

If anything changed.

“What Stevie’s saying is if you want to take it further,” James said slowly. “We’re not getting in the way of that, but we’re also not stepping aside.”

Brows raised, she said, “Did I ask you to step aside?”

“No,” James slid down and rolled onto his side before propping his head against his fist. “But where you go, I’ll follow.”

She chuckled. “I’m not going anywhere… not until I sort all of this out.”

Steve ran his knuckles down her arm. “It’s a lot, Angel. We’re here. You need more and we get that, too.”

While she wasn’t entirely sure what she needed on any level. “There’s something I should tell you. Something, I remembered.” Something that had been eating at her. “It’s a choice I made, I don’t think I made the wrong choice, but you deserve to know that not everything that happened to me was done to me without my permission.”

“Okay,” Steve said slowly.

Focusing on James, she said, “When I was leaving the trail of breadcrumbs for you—I also tracked down one of the surgeons from the Red Room. Someone I know had been used before.”

His frown deepened.

“I had them sterilize me before I let you find me. I knew it might mean we had no more children if I got you away…” But that wasn’t all of it. She met his gaze evenly. “I executed the doctor after I had the procedure and erased the records. I made sure they couldn’t know I’d just had it done again. I knew I wasn’t getting you out and I went anyway.”

He exhaled slowly. “Okay.”

Steve had gone very still and his hand on hers gave her something to grip.

“I knew that if you were still alive and hunting me—I’d clocked you, activities I could attribute to you, you were theirs again. I’d made the promise that I would kill you. My plan was to get there and if I couldn’t bring you back…I was going to kill you and then kill myself.”

The squeeze of Steve’s hand became almost bruising and James’ expression flattened.

“Not a great plan, but I wanted to keep my word and I wanted Mary safe. Even if I took you out, they would still be looking for me. I had a decision to make…”

“And you put the gun down.” The rawness in his voice threatened her.

“Yes. Then I made a new plan. Kill as many of them as I could before they put me in the chair. I would be too valuable an asset to just discard. The chair was my choice, James.”

Eyes closed, he blew out a breath. “I knew that,” he said. Opening his eyes, he cupped her face. “I knew that and I do know. I saw it in your eyes when I understood what I was seeing… I know it took me years, but I did know. I’m glad you didn’t kill yourself.”

“Oddly, that seems to be the one thing I can’t do.” Which brought them to part two of this confession. “The table—the memory machine that we got from Fury.” Now she looked at Steve.

“Nat, you don’t have to do this…”

“No, you need to know this. You’re both very protective and I appreciate it. But again, not everything that happened, happened without my consent even if I didn’t remember it later. I did volunteer for the first time to let them calibrate the table. I didn’t think it would be a problem…because I already had so many holes, what were a few more.” The long-term scarring was a problem. The fact they found a way to manipulate her was a problem. “It was also to save lives on the project. These people were going insane and I could help them. I wanted to help. Later… Pierce used that because he needed to find a way to trigger me after Richardson left SHIELD.”

Dead silence draped them.

“I need to write the trigger words down for you so we can figure out if they still work, I can hear him—it doesn’t matter. What matters is the first time Pierce put me on that table in D.C., I thought I was doing a job for SHIELD after… even when they wiped me, I knew something was wrong. I think you were there, James, but they never let me see you. I heard them mention the Asset and that he was never to be active when I was there. I was closer than I knew for a long time. And I never liked Pierce, but I didn’t know why and it was easier to not question it. Choosing to be willfully blind is the same as being complicit. I never turned on the Avengers, but I did do jobs for them. I killed people, stole things… ended research.”

So much more red in her ledger.

“Okay,” Steve said as easily as James did. At her frown, the corner of his mouth curved upward. “We’re not angry you, Angel. How could we be? You made the calls you had to make at the time. You made choices that were brutal, but you made them for sound reasons. The people I’m angry at are the ones who did it to you.”

“Same,” James said before pressing his lips to the side of her head. “And that’s enough tearing yourself open tonight. Sleep, we all need it and tomorrow… tomorrow may be a long day.”

“There’s something none of you are telling me. Another secret.”

“Yes and no,” Steve said. “There is a debriefing we need to have, but we’ll have it tomorrow.”

Debriefings made sense.

Her phone buzzed and she lifted it.

**Peter:** I was thinking… we have a three day weekend coming up, can I spend the weekend with you guys?

James chuckled and took her phone.

_Pal, finish your homework and go to bed. Your mom needs sleep too, and of course, you can spend the weekend with us, just clear it with your aunt._

She grinned. “Yes, Grandpa tell him how it is.”

That got her a poke, then another and when he gripped her knee she went to fend him off but Steve locked her arms and laughter ripped out of her as they tickled her.

James nearly took a knee to the crotch and she nailed Steve in the jaw before she wiggled free.

“Asses,” she muttered, still grinning.

“But you feel better,” James said with a wide grin. “Wanna do Stevie next?”

“Oh sh—”

She pounced even as Steve tried to roll off the bed, cutting him off as she twined around him to pin his arms with her legs and James went for his feet.

“Language,” she chastised as she grinned down at him and his whole expression softened. He managed to say “Bucky next…” before he convulsed with laughter.

They had to remake the bed after they got James, but she was a little lighter as she settled between them. The stained glass of her memories had been shattered and hidden in the debris. Now she had to look at each sliver as she reconstructed them. Some had missing edges or cracks running through them. Others cut at her and left her to bleed.

Lights out, and stretched between them, she stared up into the darkness.

“Natalia,” James chided. “Sleep.”

“I will,” she whispered. “I just…” How could she say she couldn’t turn her mind off as easily? The discipline to sleep anywhere was right there, she just…

He stroked his fingers through her hair, gently grazing her scalp. Her head was still sore in places, but the light, almost effortless touch helped. When Steve added rubbing her back into it, her muscles loosened.

“Are you guys really all right?”

“Yes,” Steve said firmly. “Better than, we have you back.”

She smiled.

“Yes, Natalia,” James promised. “Bruised but whole again.”

Because they were together.

She could accept that.

Closing her eyes, she regulated her breathing and let them lull her. “I really like the house…” She murmured.

“I’m glad, now sleep…” were the last things she heard, though the rumble of their voices told her they continued talking even as she finally let herself go to sleep.

When she opened her eyes again, she was standing in the middle of the training room, her pointe shoes were bloody and Madame glared at them from the front of the room.

“Again.”

The music started and Natalia lifted her arms. She knew this dance.

She’d done it her whole life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Darlings, I am back! Did you miss me? We're a little over 90 days away from the Black Widow movie. While I temper my excitement, it still seems rather bittersweet. In the meanwhile, I'm hard at work on multiple projects. I wanted to get ahead on this one because deadlines always come up! 
> 
> I can't tell you how much writing this series has fed my muse. I'd been struggling with depression that kind of quashed my writing for a while when I decided to write Her DNA. Since the first few chapters of that, it was like my muse began to wake up. Thankfully, since writing is kind of my job! Continuing to work on this series is important to me so I make the time in and around my deadlines. I'm going to shoot for daily again, but as always I'll try to let you know if I need to miss one.
> 
> As of right now, I have no idea how many chapters this will go. So...drop your socks and grab your crocs, it's going to be a wild ride.


	2. Death of a Bachelor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're all a little messed up in different ways, or trauma likes company.

**Chapter Two**

_ Death of a Bachelor _

**Natasha**

A single, almost inaudible and strangled sound from James had her eyes opening. In the dark room, she fought disorientation of where she was or even when to put her hand on James’ chest. His left hand snapped out and closed on her throat, but she didn’t jerk or pull away. Just rubbed her hand in a slow soothing motion in the center of his chest. The bed moved and she could barely make out Steve’s hand as he locked his grip on James’ wrist.

“It’s all right,” she said softly, her voice soothing. He had her throat, but he wasn’t squeezing. “It’s all right, James, come back to me.”

“Nat,” Steve said.

“It’s all right,” she told him because James still hadn’t started squeezing, but that tightness in his chest began to loosen and between one heartbeat and the next he snapped his eyes open.

They must have left a light on somewhere because there was faint illumination to make out James’ pupils. They were swollen to the point they damn near drowned out the pale blue. The blank expression of her soldier was right there, she’d seen that on too many occasions and then gradually recognition bled in and his hand opened.

“Jesus…Natalia…” James shuddered as Steve pulled his hand away and then gripped his shoulder.

“I’m fine, James,” she told him softly. “You didn’t hurt me.”

He thumped his head back against the pillows, his eyes closed. Steve eased back and ran a hand over her back then urged her to sit up. “Friday, lights please, low…”

The lights came on and she closed her eyes a beat before opening them slowly. Steve looked at her throat and touched two fingers to her jaw to tilt her head so he could examine it. “She’s right, Buck…not even a red mark.”

Natalia gave him a bland look even as she squeezed his hand in gratitude. It was what James needed to hear. Still frowning, he opened his eyes and sat up then like Steve inspected her throat.

“Don’t do that again,” he told her.

“Soothe you out of a nightmare? How shall I say this? Deal with it, zhopa, of course, I’m going to help you.”

“I could have hurt you.”

“Yes, and I could hurt you. We have had this argument before, I believe you told me you could handle it.”

James glared and she didn’t flinch.

“Stop,” Steve said gently. “Both of you. Buck, you didn’t hurt her. I was right here. I wouldn’t have let you hurt her either.”

“And I’ve taken you before, Soldat, or are you choosing to forget those few times when your dreams were troubled and I was the one sleeping next to you?” Because it had happened before, well before, and it had happened since he came back to her.

His shoulders drooped then James cupped her face and kissed her. It was fierce and gentle in equal measure. She opened her mouth to him and sucked on his tongue when he sought entrance. The kiss stretched and then he released her and shoved off the bed and vanished into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

Tracking him with her gaze, she ran her tongue over her lower lip then met Steve’s worried gaze. When he cupped her cheek, she leaned into the touch. They said nothing, though the water came on in the bathroom. Steve was waiting every bit as much as she was.

When the door opened and James padded out, Natalia understood there would be no more sleep tonight no matter what time it was. Not that she had any idea what the time was.

“I’m sorry,” James said quietly. She never needed his apologies even if he needed to make it.

“We’re good, Buck,” Steve told him, but they shared a long glance. James needed his friend more than he needed her at the moment. That she could give him.

“Hot cocoa,” she told him before kissing Steve’s palm. She scooted out of the bed and padded toward the door. After having made it earlier, she knew where all the supplies were.

“With cinnamon?” The wry note in James’ voice pulled a smile from her.

“Of course and maybe something extra.” Pausing at his side, she rose up on her tiptoes and kissed him again, the barest of light brushes. The touch of his knuckles running down her cheek made her smile.

“I am sorry, Natalia,” he whispered again.

“Zvezda moya, I’m fine. You did not hurt me.” Another kiss, then she turned to go. Steve lifted his chin as he caught her eye and then he nodded. Hopefully, he would get through to James. If not, she would have to drum it into him later. In the hall, she padded to the stairs on bare feet and then began her descent. Lights came on, the dim lighting activating as she made her way down to where the kitchen was. The mini waterfall had turned colorful and she paused to admire the effect.

It was lovely.

In the kitchen, she got the milk simmering and checked the time. “Friday—did Tony get to sleep?”

“Yes, Nat. He actually seemed to have no trouble this evening. Do you need me to wake him?

It was just after four in the morning. “No, let him sleep. No need for all of us to be up.”

“He will complain about missing the cocoa,” Friday observed and Natalia chuckled.

“Then we won’t tell him about the cocoa.”

“As you wish. Are you well? Your heart rate accelerated and your vitals spiked briefly.”

Vitals monitoring was on, but they’d likely put Friday in sleep mode. “Bad dream.”

Which was absolutely true.

“I am sorry to hear that.” The AI was quiet for a beat, then said, “I’ve been researching psychological support modules, including PTSD and therapeutic trauma support.”

The milk had begun to simmer and she fed the chocolate into it. “Sounds like something worth knowing.

“Would you be interested in reviewing the research with me? I can make baseline assumptions based on observation, but I would appreciate your input in vetting the materials based on usefulness.”

“Very sly, Friday,” Natalia said. “I like the way you involve me in my own treatment in your effort to help.”

“It could not be that sly if you already detected the secondary intentions.”

“Well, I have been around for a while.” Though she appreciated the AI’s attempts.

“You are also in the midst of assimilating lost memory modules and I know that if the process is not completed properly it could lead to corrupted files. In most humans, this tends toward strained emotions and struggles with sleep, bad dreams, stress, and the possibility of waking fugues.”

“Flashbacks,” she corrected her lightly. “The process of trauma can take a lifetime because of the biological, mental, and emotional components. Each can trigger the other.” The chocolate thickened as she added more, then careful measures of cinnamon, nutmeg, and a touch of red pepper. The burn would be welcome, a grounding in the physical.

“Emotional stimulus prompting biological reactions and vice versa are a confusing part of human physiology.”

Chuckling, Natalia said, “It is not ideal, no. However, when you understand what autonomic physical responses are and that some can be controlled—blushing, for example, it makes you a better spy.”

“But that would in and of itself require the corruption of a mental process if you are subverting an autonomic function.”

“You are not wrong,” she said and opened a cupboard to find a selection of mugs. Some of them were familiar—they came from her floor, Steve’s floor and Tony’s. Setting three out, she filled each one with cocoa.

“Sergeant Barnes and Captain Rogers are still on the third floor,” Friday informed her. “Would you like me to tell them the cocoa is ready?”

“Let them talk,” she said. “James needed a moment and we can give it to them.”

“As you wish…”

Before Friday could resume the psychological discussion, Natalia said, “Are we stocked with supplies for making stuffed croissants and pirozhkis?”

“Yes, Nat, I made sure to bring in all the items you’ve used regularly in the last few months. I also inventoried the island following your stay there and stocked based on the most likely to be consumed as well as the eating patterns of the last few months. We will not be getting pizza delivery here as easily, though I can have it shipped to the Tower then delivered there by a member of the Iron Legion, but that might not be as hot as normal delivery.”

Amusement curved through her. “Good to know. Thank you for your attention to detail.”

“You have often expressed you can learn a great deal about many things based on the smallest of details.”

This was true.

Cradling the mug of her cocoa, she walked into the darkened living room. The room was chillier than upstairs, but it wasn’t cold. After a couple of sips, she moved to the fire and then frowned at the fresh stack of wood in it. The guys hadn’t done that the night before. They hadn’t broken down the blanket fort when they all wandered up to bed.

“How many drones are in this house, Friday?”

The silence stretched for a moment. “Three,” Friday admitted finally. “We also have a contingent of the Iron Legion secured here now.”

It really was a fortress. “Thank you, Friday.”

“You are not upset?” The careful phrasing pulled another smile from her.

“No, but I do expect a full briefing on all security measures as well as whatever else you have stored here for our defense.”

“I would be happy to walk you through each level.”

“Thank you.”

Setting the cocoa aside, she got the fire started. The first crackle of the flames licking over the wood settled something inside of her. Another sip of the cocoa and she began disassembling the blanket fort.

“Friday, I have a question for you…”

“Yes, Nat?”

“Can you give me a rundown on the news over the last few weeks? I’d say start from just after Christmas since James and I went to the cabin and I haven’t caught up.”

“Do you have specific parameters you want me to detail?”

“Accords, current status of Avengers reporting, mission debriefs from Los Angeles. Current information on the status of Ross as well as contacts with his people. Any updates on Yuri Brevlov, current locations and last sightings. Richardson as well. I’d also like updates on where Maria is at the moment and her current activities.”

She needed to reach out to her. Some things were far clearer now and it was time to deal with the murkiness of that shared history.

“And any info you have on Fury.” Another loose thread that needed to be plucked. “I’d also like a call with Pepper later today and probably Sharon. But that might need another day or two.”

“Or longer,” James said quietly from behind her and she pivoted to find him and Steve both frowning at her. “You’re on vacation.

The troubled look in his eyes had eased. From behind him, Steve gave her a little nod. “Maybe let’s focus on you before you start diving into the world out there, yeah?”

With a shrug, she said, “I wasn’t planning to act immediately, but I still need to plan. I’ve been down for a while.”

James crossed to her and tugged the folded blanket from her hands before wrapping an arm around her. “Just give us a few more days to have you back and make sure you’re alright before we start working on the world’s problems?”

There was one problem she had to address herself, but she would find her laptop and reacquire the files on the investigation into the plane crash that killed the Parkers.

Killed Mary.

“I do not promise to be patient forever, zvezda moya y soltnce moya,” she said, meeting Steve’s gaze over James’ shoulder as she hugged him. “I understand what you need right now, but I have never cared for not knowing.”

“Isn’t that the truth,” Steve said with a laugh. “You do like to ferret the information out.

“I do,” she said without an ounce of shame. “And I have no issues about figuring it out on my own when I have to.” The last came out as a bit of a warning. James tightened his grip around her briefly before he lifted his head and she met his gaze.

“Natalia…”

“Don’t,” she said, patting his chest. “I understand what I have to do, what you need from me and what I need from me. But I also understand the world doesn’t stop because I did. What I don’t know, I can’t defend against.”

He sighed, pressing his forehead to hers. “You make me crazy, Doll.”

“I know,” she said, then smiled. “I also make hot cocoa. Now go drink yours. I think you need it.”

After a light kiss followed by a caress with his fingers, he let her go. While he retrieved their cocoas, she resumed folding blankets and Steve gathered up the scattered pillows.

“I will begin compiling a report for you, Nat,” Friday stated. “But I must agree with Sergeant Barnes and Captain Rogers. No one expects you to leap back into work immediately.”

No, they expected her to take the coddling Natasha allowed as they boxed her into a protective circle. She couldn’t afford to indulge them as far as Natasha had. Shaking her head, she said, “Thank you, Friday. If you could have it together for me to begin reading later today, I would appreciate it.”

Another sigh escaped James and she didn’t miss the look he and Steve shared. Yes, she was aware of the secret and the discussions they needed to have. She would give them some time, but she also put them on notice.

She waited for the exasperated  _ Natalia _ , but he didn’t say it. Instead, he said, “We talked about hitting the gym for a run and a workout.” It was carefully phrased. “Would you like to come down with us or would you rather rest up here?”

“I’m not going to be running or sparring. At least not for a few more days.” The fact they’d both fight her on it and likely drag Tony into it told her to bide her time. “But I might dance.”

Even if all she’d done in her dreams was dance. The words of Madame B whispered out of their vault, a taunting encouragement if there was such a thing.

The corner of James’ mouth tipped up. “Are we invited?”

“You’re always welcome.” The last of the blankets were done, so she claimed her hot cocoa and slid onto the sofa. Legs curled beneath her, she studied James then Steve. “Do you want to talk about earlier? Or have you settled that for yourself?”

“Steve reminded me that I was being an idiot and that I didn’t hurt you. But I had my hand on your throat—and some of my worst memories with you are me harming you that way, Natalia.”

Budapest.

D.C.

Berlin.

“I know. I am not overly fond of those either, but you didn’t hurt me, James. You never squeezed.” Lifting her head back, she let him see her throat. “There are no marks, your hand was there, but no force.”

“It was still dangerous for you to try and…” He trailed off and shook his head. “That argument won’t work, will it?”

“No, you refused to leave me when I was unstable. If you think I’m going to do any different then you really have forgotten how truly stubborn I am.”

It was Steve who actually laughed. “We always hope a little that you’ll let us persuade you.”

“And I have indulged you both for quite a while now.”

“We know,” James said as he settled on the sofa next to her. She unfolded her legs and just before she could tuck them under his thigh, Steve lifted her and then she was sitting in Steve’s lap and her feet were in James’ lap.

“We do know,” Steve assured her and nuzzled a kiss to her cheek. “We also appreciate how much you put up with from us.

The corners of her mouth twitched. “Flattery is not going to work.”

“It never hurts to try then, does it?” James dared her as he wrapped a hand around her ankle.

“How are you doing?” Steve asked as she took the last swallow of her hot cocoa. He’d damn near drained his which gave her an idea of how tense he’d been when he came down. That tension still corded through his arms so she relaxed against him. One way to take care of them was to let them take care of her.

Stubborn men calling her stubborn.

“I haven’t cried today yet, so that might be considered a small improvement.”

Empathy reflected in James’ eyes. “You know it’s alright if you need it.”

“Yes, but I am… raw.” As if of their own volition, she glanced up at the photos on the wall, zeroing in on Mary.

Steve tightened his arms and James squeezed her ankle.

“One day at a time, Angel. Another reason to thank Buck for this place.” He chuckled. “That and he managed to keep a secret from you. I’m not sure whether to be scared or impressed.”

“She let me keep the secret,” James said quietly. “Like she did when you wanted to tell her I’d remembered.”

A sigh. “She insisted I let you have it.”

“We have a right to our secrets,” she said, pulling her attention from Mary to look at them. “I trust you to not want to hurt me. I trust that you have my back. I can live with the rest.”

They sat there for a while, her attention on the crackling fire as she snuggled against them. When they finally decided to hit the gym, she let them go. Instead of joining them, she headed into the kitchen where she spent the next hour rolling out croissants and stuffing them, then put together the pastries for pirozhkis. Tray after tray went into the oven. It didn’t take long for the scent to fill the kitchen.

A half-hour before sunrise, she got the coffee going, a pot for Steve and James and another pot for her and Tony. The last tray was out and cooling. Friday said Steve and James were still running, so she carried two mugs up and tracked the room where Tony had gone to sleep.

Opening it, she paused to let her eyes adjust to the darkness as the light from the hall cut across it. Tony sprawled across a bed with Liho curled up next to him on the pillows. The little brat actually had the temerity to give her a dirty look.

Well, that explained where Liho went.

Biting back a smile, she carried the coffee over and set it next to the bed before checking the window and opening the curtains. It was still dark outside and likely cold.

“Red…?” The sleep-muffled voice turned her around.

“I come bearing coffee.” She pointed to the mug next to the bed. “Breakfast is downstairs and the guys are running in the gym. I was going to go up and watch the sunrise but I wanted to give you time to start waking up.”

He grunted.

Leaving the window, she paused next to the bed and met his gaze as he rubbed a hand over his face.

“Did you want company?” He punctuated the question with a yawn.

“When you wake up some…” Then she touched a finger to the tip of his nose. “I need your brain, Shellhead.”

He sat up and caught her hand. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong—well, nothing that wasn’t wrong before.” Squeezing his hand gently, she said. “I’m going to get dressed and then we can talk if you’re up for it. If you want to wait a bit or get more sleep, that’s fine, too. It’s still early.”

“I’ll get up.” He didn’t let go of her hand, even when Liho stretched across him to bump her head against their hands. “Also, your cat insisted on sleeping in here with me.”

“So I see, she’s a good little traitor. I’m glad you had company. Drink your coffee, Tony.” Then she pressed a kiss to his forehead and he let her go. 

“Red?”

“Hmm?” She paused at the door.

“I’ve missed you.”

“Well, we need to work on your aim.” She winked and his laughter followed her into the hallway. 

Dressed in warm leggings, an oversized sweatshirt—Steve’s or James’, she wasn’t sure which—over a tank top, thick socks, and a hat, she carried her coffee back out to the hall to find Tony leaning against the wall. Tousled hair, haphazardly finger-combed from the looks of it, and dressed like her in warmer things only, he’d thrown on a coat.

“Where’s your coat?” He asked.

“I won’t—”

The cloak showed up to settle on her shoulders and Tony smirked.

“—need it,” she finished. “C’mon.”

“You’re getting used to it.”

“I’m accepting it for what it is,” she said over her shoulder. “I hesitate to say it, and I’m not sure he is correct, however, he seems to want to be with me and he’s been very helpful. So I’m alright with it.”

“Fair enough,” he said and when they got to the top, she put her hand on the panel and the door locks began to release and swing open.

“Friday, are James and Steve still in the gym?”

“They are, Nat. Would you like me to tell them where you are?”

“Just let them know I left coffee and breakfast for them in the kitchen and to save some when they get up there.”

“I’ll take care of it and I put the heaters on outside, so it should be warm enough if you stick close.”

“Thanks, Baby Girl,” Tony said and then they were outside. The air was definitely bracing, but the deck beneath her socks was warm and dry. There were two Iron Legion positioned with heating lamps angled toward them. “You know, when I first built them—this wasn’t what I had in mind.”

“No?” She asked as she took a sip of the coffee and checked the eastern sky. There was the faintest hint of light was there but no color yet.

“No, but they’re protecting you because they’re keeping you warm, so I can live with it.

“It’s keeping you warm, too,” she reminded him and Tony chuckled.

“Fair enough.”

“Tony…”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you for helping James with this.”

“Don’t have to thank me, Red. It was all his idea, he just needed a little boost and he wanted to pay me back.” Tony shrugged. “I’d rather be an investor… and when he asked if I could help with the programming, it lets me make sure you’re safe.”

“I can’t imagine it was easy for James to ask for assistance.”

“You mean from me?” Tony slanted a look at her.

“From anyone. We were not trained to recruit outside assistance, but also, yes, from you. The two of you have history.”

“Nothing we have to rehash, I meant what I said during the Everhart interview. I don’t mind Bucky, I actually like him and I like what he wanted to do.” He lifted his mug. “But I’ll say you’re welcome so you don’t browbeat me into accepting the thanks.”

“When was the last time I browbeat you into anything?”

“Spy whammy then.”

Now, she smiled. “You always do that.”

“Call you out for being the spy who got away?”

“Yeah,” she said slowly. “I know deserve it. But I was sorry that Nick did it the way he did. You didn’t need to find out quite so… bluntly, I suppose.”

“To be fair, Red, I was having a bit of a ‘me’ moment and I don’t think anything beyond a hammer would have made a dent. Yeah—it hurt. I was pissed. But if I hadn’t liked you so much, it wouldn’t have hurt.”

“For all of your arrogance and attitude,” she said. “I liked you, too. Liked you enough that I wanted you to survive.”

“I got that,” he murmured. In the distance, the sky ribboned the faintest of red along the edge of those trees. “I got it when you got Pepper out of the party. When you went after Vanko at Hammer Industries. When you saved Rhodey. When you said ‘C’mon, Stark’ while on top of the Tower waiting to close the portal.”

“How did you…”

“I’d dazzle you with my brilliance, but it was more I reviewed all the tapes and surveillance I had in the weeks after. By the time I heard it that little request, you were long gone and off on some mission.” The wistful note in his voice tugged at her. “I saw you do that leap of Cap’s shield, too. Watched it over and over. Scared the piss out of me the first time I saw it.”

Natalia frowned. “But you knew I was all right?”

“Didn’t change my gut reaction, Red. When I realized you were actually flying on the back of one of those things? I didn’t have time to react. Later…had a few nightmares.”

“I am sorry for that. We both have enough nightmares we don’t have to have them about each other.”

“Well, that should have been one of my first clues, you know.” The red ribbon grew a little fatter as it expanded. She was torn between watching it and watching him. “You…I thought about you a lot. Tried to keep track. Called you…”

“I’m well aware you called me. How many times did you hack my location?”

“A few,” he admitted, grinning. “Even when you set their computer security ops on me. Good times.”

She laughed.

“Yeah, but I liked knowing you were okay. Especially after what went down with SHIELD. Then we had to do the Ultron thing and…” The laughter faded from his expression. “Wanda gave me that vision. I saw you dead.”

That pulled her attention off of the sunrise fully.

“All of the team, but you were—right there. Sightless eyes. Pale. Gone. Cap could barely breathe, he was fading. The Other Guy, he was still alive but barely. Didn’t think he’d make it. Thor wasn’t much better and I’m pretty sure Clint was dead. But you—you were definitely dead and that image haunted me for months, Red. Still does sometimes.”

“Tony…”

“I love you,” he said it simply. “It’s one of the things that finally drove me to look for you after our fight. After you left. After I let you go. I kept letting you go Red and I don’t want to do that anymore. I’ve seen you near death too much recently…so this thing with you and me that you wanted to talk about. I’m ready when you are.”

She nodded slowly. “You know I love James and Steve.” That she could she say with any amount of ease came from Natasha. Natalia had been taught not to get attached.

That training had failed.

“I know you do. I also know you’re capable of loving more than just two people.”

“I didn’t know that,” she said slowly.

“No?”

“No, compartmentalizing is how I hid things even from myself. It’s how I hid Mary and James. How I locked away those pieces of me that got too attached. Logan. Remy. Clint. Even Matty. All pieces. Clint was the closest I’d ever come to beginning to shake that conditioning. Then I met you for the second time.”

“What about me?”

“You…are a smart guy, Tony.” The red gave way to oranges and pinks. “Smart. Fierce. Determined. A survivor. You were dying and you still fought for the people around you. You were so… lonely.”

“Yeah, that’s sexy.”

“Don’t do that,” she chastised him and he frowned. “I mean it, don’t diminish it. I recognized that loneliness—because I shared it.” Sighing, Natalia lifted her chin. “Natasha could never have told you this.”

His gaze sharpened and his posture shifted.

“And yes, I’m aware that I'm speaking of myself in the third person. I’m still me, Tony but… I’m more me than I’ve been in all the years you’ve known me. I have all the broken bits back. The good and the bad. Natasha adored you—does adore you.”

Not looking away from the sunrise, she chose her next words carefully.

“She’s loved you since she met you. I loved that fierce little boy though I couldn’t let myself feel it. Natasha loves  _ you _ , this damaged, dark, and lonely man who never stopped fighting. She got attached when she shouldn’t have on an op that was just supposed to be a shadow job and a report. Then she wrote…”

“Iron Man, yes. Tony Stark, no. I remember and Clint told me why, Red, you don’t have to explain that.”

The sunrise expanded and the light touched the tops of the trees, glittering off the snow.

“After that, I never thought you’d trust me again.”

“Too bad, I do trust you.”

“That is why Natasha couldn’t tell you she loves you… that I love you.” She shook her head. A part of her wanted to grit her teeth and fist her fingers into her palms, she allowed for neither. Facing him, she said, “Because your friendship and trust, I don’t want to lose it again. I don’t want—trying to figure out what this is between us to be something that drives us apart. I won’t hurt you or James or Steve. I’m not giving them up. Which makes me selfish for even wanting…”

“For wanting me?” Hope flared in his eyes. “For caring? I’m not asking you to give up anything, Red. I’d never ask for that. The only thing I’ve ever really wanted is for you to be happy.”

“But you can’t let go,” she said quietly.

“No,” he said. “I don’t want to.”

“Even if you could get Pepper back?”

“There is no me and Pepper anymore, Red. Pepper leaving hurt—you disappearing? That hurt more. I care about Pep, I always will. Still don’t like the new boyfriend, but I doubt I’ll ever think anyone is good enough for her. Just like I know none of us are good enough for you.”

She rolled her eyes and he smirked.

“Hey, calling it like I see it. The point is… it’s not Pepper that I want. So, you don’t have to try and fix that. In fact, I’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t. Make things damn uncomfortable if you start setting me up on dates like you did Steve.”

“I just wanted him to be happy, too.”

“I know. Like I know you want me to be alright, you’ve shown it… in a lot of ways even when I was too obtuse to see it. But I do see it Red, I see you.”

He had for a long time now. He, James, Steve—they all saw her. Or they’d seen a part of her. James had seen her all along, even when she wasn’t quite there.

“You saw Natasha, Tony,” she said carefully. “That’s something we both have to acknowledge. I’m still putting these pieces together, but I’m not all her anymore. She’s still me, but I’m… more me.” While she’d stated that earlier, she wanted him to understand.

“So, I get to know  _ this _ you,” he said. “Think that’s gonna scare me off?”

“Probably not.”

_ “Red?” At her glance, he added, “Don’t hit me.” Then he closed the distance and brushed his lips to hers. The kiss was gentle, a light pressure, almost a gift. There and then gone again. He grinned. “For luck.” _

_ “Liar…that was on your bucket list, wasn’t it?” _

_ “One minute, Ms. Romanoff.” _

_ “Maybe.” But he winked, and then sobered. “Don’t welch on our bet.” _

_ She didn’t shift her grip to the handles of the bike. “The bet’s next on our list.” _

_ “I’m holding you to it.” _

The light crawled over the snow toward them.

_ She chuckled. “Hi, Tony.” _

_ Then his arms closed around her in a fierce hug and she gritted her teeth against the pain as she returned it. “Hey,” he murmured against her ear. “Miss me?” _

_ Her chuckle became a laugh and she swallowed back the half-sob when he pulled back to cup her face. _

_ “Hey…” _

_ “You shouldn’t be here.” Why the hell was he here? They shouldn’t be coming. She couldn’t protect him here. She had to save him… the imperative invaded everything, but even without it. “Dammit, Tony. I told you he wants to hurt you.” _

_ “I know,” he said, then pressed his forehead to hers, running his fingers over the collar. The catch didn’t come loose. Then his gaze locked on hers. “But I’ve got a plan.” _

_ He had a plan? _

_ “Yeah…don’t kill me.” Then he kissed her, slow, deep, and breath-stealing. His fingers were in her hair as he held her still and her mouth parted. Surprise rippled through her and she stilled for a long minute as his tongue swept against hers. He tasted like coffee. The sensation registered slowly, the scent of sweat and coffee twining around them along with hints of his cologne. It was almost like being at the Tower. Home. Then she firmed her hands against his chest but he broke the kiss before she could shove him away and buried his face against her throat. “He wants a show… he knows I care. It’s our advantage at the moment. We need time.” _

_ Time? For what? _

_ Her lips tingled and her mind stuttered. But fine. Whatever. He had a plan, so she finally pulled back. “My mouth tastes like ass.” _

_ The corner of his mouth kicked a little higher. “I really like your ass.” _

“Red, I’m here. If it takes a week, a month, a year, or a decade. I’m not going anywhere until the day you tell me to leave and never come back.” The idea was a sucker punch. Especially with the intensity of the way he focused on her. “So if that means I get to know Natalia Romanova… bring it on. I’d love to meet her.”

“You said Steve mentioned that I wanted to give you back the date we planned…”

“Our bet?” He spread his hands before he paused for a beat to examine his empty mug then hers.

“Yes, our bet. I didn’t want to cancel that date when we did, though, in retrospect, I could see why James and Steve were mad at me.”

“They were idiots,” Tony said flatly. “And I told Steve he was.”

“I know, and we made up—I’m still learning about relationships in some ways. Though now, I remember James and I. The day to day issues were not…” How did she phrase this? “They were insignificant. We didn’t date. We barely had time together, we took what we had and made the most of it.” Licking her lips, she sighed. Her coffee cup was empty and the sun was up, but she wasn’t ready to go inside yet. She set it down and he set his next to hers.

“I get it, Red. Different time. Lots of different threats. We have time now. There are more people involved. Some of us are more stubborn than others.”

She snorted.

“Yeah, not taking that as an insult.”

“It wasn’t meant as one, it’s just there’s no easy way to approach this. But I do want to give you that date back. I want to take the time, but I don’t know how much time I have to offer while I’m still…”

“You need to heal,” he said firmly. “Frankly, we probably shouldn’t be having this conversation yet.”

“We can’t keep putting it off. I’ve let you do that for weeks, even when you were overstepping and you knew it. I knew how you felt, but I didn’t want to disappoint or hurt you. I thought… I wanted to believe you when you said we could just be friends and that would be okay.”

“I wanted to mean it,” he said. “I do mean it. I can love you and be your friend.” The more he said it the easier it seemed to flow. “Then I almost lost you—twice. Not quite so willing to risk losing you again in any way.”

“What was it you said? Don’t kill me?” She narrowed the distance between them and raised her brows.

“You mean when I did this?” He cupped her face and then locked his gaze on hers, dipping it once to her lips before focusing on her again. The slow descent of his head telegraphed his intentions. He was giving her time to withdraw and pull away. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she savored the brief flare of surprise followed by delight in his eyes before she rose on her tiptoes.

“Tony?” she whispered against his lips.

“Yeah?” His pulse raced where her fingers touched his neck.

“I’m not going to kill you,” she promised then pressed her lips to his. Their first kiss had been butterfly light, swift, firm and fleeting. A kiss for luck. The second one had stunned her as much from the contact as from the depth of emotion it triggered.

Tony had come for her. The others were coming. The kiss had overwhelmed her raw senses and grounded her in the same breath. They were coming, but he was there and she’d wanted to cry, to hug him and never let him go and slap him stupid for putting himself in that position.

Every move had been his.

This time, she kissed him and when she teased her tongue against his lips, he opened to her. He tasted like Tony and coffee and everything she remembered. When he slid one hand from her face down to her shoulder, then her side and finally locked around her, she chuckled against his lips.

“Not going to bite, Tony.”

“Not even if I ask?” The plaintive note made her laugh again and he grinned before he nuzzled a kiss to the corner of her mouth then slanted his lips over hers. She sighed, there was an unexpected sweetness there stirring the passion she’d always seen in him, but he didn’t press further than little nipping kisses and longer, tongue stroking ones. 

When she teased her fingers through his hair and across his scalp, he lifted his head slowly and met her gaze.

“You didn’t answer my question,” he said.

“Hmm…we’ll see how nicely you ask. Because my teeth can be sharp.”

His grin was damn near blinding and it relaxed his whole face. “I look forward to finding out.”

Then as quickly as the smile appeared it faded.

Leaning her head back, she raised her eyebrows. “That bad, huh? Not living up to expectations?”

“What?” He blinked, then frowned. “No. Kissing you—is—great. That’s not it.”

Running her tongue over her lower lip, she cupped his neck and stroked her thumb against his jaw.

“You know…” he started and then sighed. “Fuck, I’m going to step on this moment.”

“We’ll have more moments.” It was a promise.

Groaning, he tipped his head back. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

“All right, now spit it out. What’s wrong?” Because something had been. She thought she’d have to get it from Friday but Steve and James had already indicated they needed to debrief this morning.

Gliding his hands down to her hips, Tony glanced at her then the cloak and then at her again. “Rip the Band-Aid off?”

“Rip it off,” she advised. “Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it.”

“Okay then,” he said, exhaling once. Then he dipped his head and kissed her once more, this time hard and searing. When he sucked on her lower lip, she retaliated with a gentle nip of his. “Yeah, I thought you might bite.”

“Stop delaying.”

Tongue against his teeth, he nodded once. “While you were in cryo, things were—going a little out of control back here. We were focused on you and first, it was the skull fracture and the swelling, then it was the procedure and cryo and you know working on getting the serums to try and combine.” His lips compressed as a frown tightened his forehead. “Right after you got shot, maybe—within minutes of us getting you to Wakanda and settled, Pepper called. She was on a flight back to New York to get in front of all this. The press speculation and more. Sharon and Sam did their part, everyone pulled together.”

She nodded slowly.

“There were a lot of questions, we didn’t want to tell anyone what was going on and the speculation was rampant so Pepper dealt with it.”

“Okay.” What had she done?

“She wanted to shut the press up, to a point, close down the Committee interference and buy us time on that ticking clock.” Their three months were almost up. Might even be at this point. Natalia traced her fingers over his pulse where his heart had begun to race. “There were still rumors about a quiet effort to strip your citizenship.”

Not surprising.

“What did she do?”

“Well it seems we’re married,” Tony said slowly. “By we, I mean you and me. Legally. Binding. At least as far as I can tell.”

What?

“I know this may come as a surprise, Mrs. Stark, but apparently Pepper with a little help from our girl Friday, worked it out so that no one would touch you or dream of it. The Committee, the citizenship status, none of them. They aren’t going to touch my wife.”

Wife.

“So,” he said slowly. “Surprise?”

Wife

She studied his expression. He wasn’t kidding or teasing. In fact… he was upset.

“I’ll figure out a way to deal with it and quietly annul it,” he said. “I’m still wrapping my mind around the fact that they did this and it worked, but… yeah. Another reason to sweep you away from the city, the press are camped out waiting for us to get back from our honeymoon.”

Peter’s question.

The looks between James and Steve.

“Everyone knows?”

“Pepper held a press conference, Red,” Tony said flatly. “ _ Everyone _ knows.”

Oh.

Married. But she was…

The door opened and she glanced over to find James carrying two mugs of coffee with Steve right behind him. They both sported damp hair. Tony pulled his hands off her, but she didn’t step back so much as study both of them then glanced at her right hand.

Married. She was married to Will. But James put that ring on her finger.

She’d given up Will’s ring to provide evidence pointing to her death.

“That’s not quite what I was expecting to hear.”

The thought never crossed her mind.

“What, Doll?” James asked as he held out coffee toward her. She released Tony to take it and James glanced from her to him and then back. Then he handed her the second cup. “For Tony.”

She passed it over and he accepted it with another harsh exhale. “I told her.”

“Oh,” Steve said with a frown before giving James his coffee.

That was it.

Oh.

Natalia frowned.

“Red, I can fix this…”

“I have a lot of questions,” she said slowly. A lot. She glanced at her coffee, then back up again. “Married? For real?”

“Sorry?” Tony said. “Wasn’t me. Well, it was, but…yeah.” He winced.

Catching his fingers, she gave them a squeeze then turned to look at James. His expression wasn’t quite closed. Though he didn’t appear angry, he wasn’t pleased. Steve seemed more resigned than anything.

“Trust us, Angel,” Steve said quietly. “We’ve all been right where you are.”

“Only he was a lot louder when he was yelling,” James said with a motion to Tony.

Married.

She’d married Will and he was dead.

She was a widow and a newlywed in the same few days.

“I need a minute,” she murmured and headed for the door.

“Red…”

“I’m not mad, Tony,” she said. “I just… I need a minute.”

Inside, she descended the steps and barely made it to the studio before the first tear slipped out. She got the door closed and leaned against it. The coffee mug trembled, sloshing the hot coffee against her hand when the cloak lashed out and stabilized it even as she slid down the door.

Grief swarmed through her and she had to get her breathing under control.

Will was gone. So was Mary.

They were gone.

And she was married again.

It would almost be funny if it didn’t hurt so bad.

_ Get it together Natalia. You are marble. Cracked and chipped. You are marble. _

Between she and the cloak, she got the cup set down. Then the cloak tightened around her and she closed her eyes. Focusing on her breathing, she fought to get it under control.

They were waiting out there and none of them deserved this.

So.

Many.

Questions.

The ache in her heart intensified.

A knock on the door. “Natalia?”

“I need a minute, James. Please.”

“I’m right here.”

“I know.”

She rubbed her hands over her face. She counted to one hundred and twenty in Russian. Then again in French. Finally in English.

Tears abated, she picked up the coffee and took a long drink. “Thank you,” she murmured to the cloak as it flicked away the last tears from her cheeks.

Rising, she slid open the door to find all three of them waiting.

“Thank you…I just needed a minute or six.” Exhaling, she focused on them. “As I was saying, I have some questions…”

  
  



	3. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony, Steve, and Bucky deal with the fallout of the marriage revelation, lay down some ground rules, and struggle with their own hurt and worry.

**Chapter Three**

_ Hurt _

Tony

The gentle slide of the door closing had reverberated through him. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Fuck.

“You had to tell her,” Steve said quietly. “You didn’t have to do it alone. You could have waited for backup.” The advice held no judgment or rancor. Not that Steve was lashing out at him, Tony was already castigating himself.

Yes, he could have waited for them. Could have let them split the burden, maybe it would have been a better idea. But Natasha had kissed him, she’d pulled that door wide-open. A door he’d been leaning on for months, a barrier he’d fought to respect and now it wasn’t there.

Little lies—they let each other get away with those all the time. Little lies, she told and he recognized and the little lies he played up and she accepted. The willingness to let each other slide on those rooted in the fact that harsher truths weren’t up for debate.

Kissing her—fuck he’d gotten to kiss her for real. Kiss her, tell her how he felt, and she hadn’t shied away from a single step or shut him down. She'd said she loved him. He could probably live on that moment if he hadn’t seen the way the shadows surged in after he told her about the marriage thing.

“She deserved the truth,” Tony said, meeting Steve’s gaze. “Not telling her—not really an option right then.”

Gazes locked, Steve seemed to search his and then understanding flared in the other man’s eyes. “Got it.” They both looked to where Bucky stood, one hand on the closed door to her studio. Their arrival with the coffee had bought a few seconds of respite, but Natasha had already seemed to be shutting down as she wrapped her mind around what he said.

_ “I have a lot of questions…” _

The seconds ticked past almost interminably slow as they waited her out. Waking up to her smile had been the second-best thing of his day. That kiss? That kiss had been the best.

If he could chase away the darkness clouding her eyes, it would eclipse everything else. The door finally opened and she stood there. The faint redness around her eyes fucking killed him.

Strain showed in her expression and every intonation of her words. Natasha, the one person he’d never been able to get a real read on before, was a painfully torn open book.

Frankly, it scared the Hell out of him.

She was suffering.

__

_ “Yeah, shut up. The point is—whatever goes down. Red’s going to be different on the other side of it and it’s going to take her time. Time to process those memories, those feelings—the trauma. Because let’s face it Steve, the moment she knows what she did, she remembers saying goodbye—that trauma of losing her kid is just going to magnify. It was bad enough when she found out she’d had one and forgotten.” _

_ If he never saw that hollow look in her eyes again, it would be too soon. Standing there in medical unable to touch her or comfort her and it fucking hurt not to. It was the worst kind of pain imaginable to watch her suffer. _

Downstairs, Steve added logs to the fire as Natasha settled on the hearth. She leaned back against the stone, sitting cross-legged with her coffee cradled in her hands. Though she schooled her expression, the cloak seemed to be wrapping her tight like it was holding her upright and her eyes—fuck the secrets they housed seemed on display and it made Tony uncomfortable to stare too closely.

She deserved her privacy.

Hell, she deserved a lot more than that.

Head back against the stone, she didn’t look at any single one of them directly as she sipped the coffee. “Can I see the announcement?”

“Friday?” Tony said quietly.

“Yes, Boss.” A holo screen formed. They’d added the tech in most of the rooms, not that Bucky had requested quite the number of upgrades Friday had put into place. Tony reviewed some of them the night before as they all wandered off to bed. The fact her cat had made herself at home next to him had been amusing and kind of nice.

Speaking of which, the cat wandered in and leapt up onto the hearth to begin rubbing against her arm. She lifted a hand absently and began to stroke the cat as she studied Pepper’s announcement. Even hearing it the second time around, Tony still couldn’t fathom how she thought this was better even if she had possessed a rational argument.

As Pepper ended the press conference, Friday muted it and then shut the screen off. Natasha’s expression didn’t shift as she tilted her head.

“Friday?”

“Yes, Nat?”

“Explain.”

Bucky sat on the coffee table facing her, but Steve and Tony had both dropped to sit on the different sofas. Like them, Tony said nothing. The lack of expression on her face coupled by too much in her eyes left Tony reticent to say anything… yet.

“Following the fight in Los Angeles, there were many moving parts of the situation that remained fluid even as Boss, Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes, Mr. Barton, Mr. Parker and Ms. Maximoff along with Dr. Strange and Dr. Banner went to Wakanda with you. We had to identify the shooter, the root source of the attack and where Dr. Banner had been coming from. Also, Ms. Potts immediately returned to New York along with Mr. Hogan. They were fielding press calls and legal issues even as the Maria Stark Foundation and Stark Industries deployed recovery efforts to help in the aftermath. Ms. Carter handled the Committee and more press inquiries from the Avengers side, however, the questions continued. Efforts to remove your citizenship had never fully ended, they were in a holding pattern awaiting a court date. In addition, locating and detaining former Secretary Ross moved up the agenda. Boss instructed me to find out who the shooter was and the motivations behind the attack.”

The details were among those Friday had given him and matched so far, though she seemed to be building a timeline for Natasha.

Probably not a bad plan as plans went.

“The press wasn’t accepting the ‘party line’ as Ms. Potts described it. As days past, the stories began to rely on speculation and rumor, those fostered more. The Accords deadline was also approaching and despite admirable efforts on both the king of Wakanda and Boss, the Committee didn’t seem to be in a hurry to resolve on matters like Secretary Ross and the concerted effort to remove you from the team.”

Steve rose and went into the kitchen. When he came back, he had the coffee pot and plates with food on them—Natasha had made her croissants and pirozhkis. Tony’s stomach growled as he finally identified the scent he’d registered but hadn’t focused on.

After setting a plate next to her, Steve set the other on the coffee table in front of Tony. Gazing at the offered plate for only a beat, he nodded his thanks.

“The real issue,” Friday continued, “as Ms. Potts laid it out and I agreed with, was the movement behind the scenes. If they still wanted to target you, Nat, they were going to have to do it quietly and with everyone preoccupied with your treatment and you out of the loop, a marriage would nullify ninety percent of the weapons they could bring to bear—including removing your citizenship.”

Natasha licked her lips then took a slow sip of the coffee.

“My protocols include protecting both of you.”

Tony had made Natasha’s safety a priority one protocol for Friday. A decision he’d never regretted and couldn’t now, even if it landed them in this situation.

“Considering the current emotional stress Boss faced and your unavailability for comment, I contacted your attorney using the web protocol you gave me.”

“That’s stretching it, Friday,” Natasha said, her voice holding a sliver of warning. “My life was not in immediate danger from those threats.”

“Your  _ life _ was in immediate danger, however,” Friday countered. “The addition of new threats or the resumption of olds ones were not ideal to facilitate your continued safety, security, or health.”

“Now you’re splitting hairs.”

“Possibly, but I contacted your attorney with your passcodes and phrases and gave him the same information and the proposal as Ms. Potts outlined it.” This part Friday hadn’t told them. “Isaiah agreed this was an extreme step, a nuclear option, however, he also stated it would definitively and categorically shutdown at least four separate avenues of attack that would allow you the time to recover while also buying the Avengers the time to finish the Accords, both priority goals—yours and mine.”

Natasha actually rolled her eyes. “Of course, he did and let me guess—because I authorized Tony, he signed off using my legal waiver.”

Dead silence.

Then. “Yes. He also indicated that if you wanted to fire him later, he understood.”

Closing her eyes, Natasha exhaled.

“How legal?”

“Nat?”

“How legal is it?”

“It was filed with the State of New York, executed and witnessed. Prenuptial agreements were also signed and countersigned and filed with your attorney and Stark Legal.” A beat then Friday added, “If it helps, Boss already gave you access to all of his homes and residences, there is also a generous compensation…”

“Enough,” Tony said. “Not helping Baby Girl.”

“I did help,” Friday said unequivocally. “I protected both of you.”

Despite the statement, there was an element of uncertainty in her words.

“I contacted Ms. Hill, Mr. Logan, Mr. LeBeau and they brought in Mr. Murdock and Director Fury attached himself…”

“Fury?” Natasha opened her eyes. “Attached himself to what?”

“The recovery mission for former Secretary Ross. Ms. Hill tracked Dr. Banner’s previous location, then Director Fury found her there, he had Ross’ location. I sent Mr. Logan, Mr. LeBeau and Mr. Murdock to join them in Costa Rica and they brought him in, they also extracted the information on his allies—which was very thin. His ‘allies’ did not provide him with a lot of information, except for Brevlov.”

“I’m going to need to talk to Fury at some point. Maria, too.”

“Not right now,” Steve said.

“And not before we deal with the triggers,” Bucky added.

The fucking triggers. Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. “Red… all of the other noise aside. The marriage thing is just for show. I’m not thrilled either.”

“You shouldn’t be,” she said and any levity he’d been about to muster fled at the sober expression in her eyes. “Being married to me is a terrible idea.”

“Natalia…”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Just—it’s not safe.”

It. Wasn’t. Safe.

Tony laughed.

He didn’t mean to but the sound just bubbled out him. Steve shot him a look then shook his head sharply, but that just made Tony laugh harder. Then Bucky twisted to stare at him, eyebrows lifted.

Even as he tried to arrest the mirth, Tony snickered again and it shook him so much he had to set down his coffee.

Not. Safe.

“Red… if anything, being married to  _ me _ isn’t safe. My enemies have already gone after you. I fucking dare yours to come for me.” He met her gaze and didn’t flinch as she sighed. But he’d met some of her enemies. Or had she forgotten? He’d go toe to toe with Ross. He’d gone armor to fist against that behemoth Yuri in Russia and later against Alexei and Leonid. Fuck all of them, goodbye and good riddance. “You forget, I was there…I saw those assholes. I helped take them out. I’m not afraid of them, Red. Don’t worry about me, I can handle it.”

The corner of her mouth quirked up. “You’re such an idiot.”

“Yep, but I’m your idiot and you’re kind of stuck with me for the moment. So—what do you want for a wedding present?”

Bucky groaned and Steve sighed, but Natasha? Her lips trembled a beat and then she laughed.

Some of the tension in the room decompressed as the shadows in her eyes flickered and retreated. “I…”

“C’mon, Mrs. Stark, I know there’s something you want. Give me a challenge.” Playing with fire? Check. Wedging his fingers into the sliver of hope she offered? Double-check. Willing to get burned?

Not even a question.

“Natalia,” Bucky said with a shake of his head. “If you want out, we get you out. Tony agreed with it. You didn’t consent to this nor did he.” When her gaze settled on Bucky, it shifted again. “That said, I don’t care what the world thinks or the press or whatever—the only thing I care about is what you think.”

“That’s not totally true, zvezda moya.”

“It’s as true as it needs to be.”

The connection there had bowled Tony over from the beginning. How could she be so tied to this guy? But there was no avoiding it, the tie existed and the bond they shared now? It had been deep before cryo, but since she’d woken there was no mistaking the history lingering in the air around their every look. What they shared was not accessible to him or to Steve.

But they weren’t excluding them either.

Fuck, was he really a part of this? He had to put the brakes on somewhere, ease back on the throttle… Natasha needed time to heal.

“You don’t have to make a decision on anything until you’re ready,” Tony said, his humor sobered. “Bucky’s right though, whatever you want, I’ll make sure it happens.”

“Or not happen,” Steve added. “I’m thinking we table any major decisions about anything for at least a week. Shuri and Strange both stressed you needed to rest and let your brain fully recover. You just went through a severe trauma. I’m not in a hurry. We don’t have to rush anything—right now, Pepper shut them up. That bought you time.”

Natasha shifted her attention to Steve. “You’re really okay with it?”

“I’m not okay that Pepper, Friday, and Isaiah took that decision from you or from Tony,” Steve said bluntly. “I am okay, however, that they took the proverbial gun away from your head because you have been worried about the Accords.”

Bucky leaned forward and nudged the plate next to her. “You made terrific food, maybe eat some?”

“And hot cocoa,” Steve said as he stood. “You get hot cocoa.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “You’re going to fix it?”

“Yep. C’mon, Buck, we’re going to make cocoa and prove that we can.”

With a look even more skeptical than Natasha’s, Bucky stood up. “Fine. Tony make sure she eats.”

“I’ll get right on that,” Tony said, then shook his head as the pair headed to the kitchen. It wasn’t like they’d be totally out of earshot, but they were giving them time.

The lack of subtlety entertained him though.

Leaning forward, Tony studied her. “Beyond the fact you just found out you’re stuck with me for a bit—please note I’m not offended by the shock, I know the kind of pressure being with me is on a person, but I have faith in you.” The tease pulled another reluctant smile from her. “But seriously, what rattled you, Red?”

“I just married Will,” she said as if it were the simplest thing and not the emotional crush she seemed to be experiencing. “It feels like I just married him, then I walked away so Mary would be safe and then…they both died.”

“I’m really sorry, Red…do you want to visit them?” Where the fuck that offer came from, Tony had no idea. Seriously, the last place he ever went was to where his parents had been interred. He’d visited Jarvis’ grave exactly once.

It fucking hurt to go there.

He paid to make sure they were maintained and fresh flowers were added to Ana’s and his mother’s graves. They deserved to be well-tended.

But going there?

Skip.

Still… maybe he should.

The quiet conversation in the kitchen halted abruptly at his offer.

“They didn’t have a body for Mary,” Natasha said slowly. “Nothing was recoverable.”

“Okay,” he said. “They still had a funeral service. They still buried caskets for her and her husband. Her father—” He winced.

“It’s okay,” Bucky said from the kitchen. “Fitzpatrick raised her. He earned the title.”

Pain flickered across Natasha’s expression and she looked at the kitchen. It twisted Tony’s heart.

“He’s buried next to them.” Yeah. Maybe he should have just kept his mouth shut. 

“Maybe,” she said slowly. “Not sure I’m ready for that.” Despite the comment, she reached for the food and actually started eating one of the pirozkhis and he wasn’t the only one letting out a small sigh of relief. At least, she chewed until her phone buzzed and then buzzed again, then a third one before she could even get it out and look at it.

After scrubbing a hand over his face, Tony picked up one of the croissants. What the hell was he doing here? Was he just making things worse?

Her phone kept buzzing and he frowned. “Who has a bee in their bonnet?”

“Peter,” she said, the corners of her lips curving as she shook her head and typed in a response. It meant she put her food down. She also couldn’t seem to type fast enough to the lightning-fast buzzes she was getting.

The roll of her eyes and faintly exasperated, if affectionate, smile softened everything about her. 

“I’m going to guess it’s not a problem,” he said, more curious than anything now. Pete was her grandson. Grandson. Her age seemed like such an abstract until he stitched that fact into the mix. That and she’d known, well at least met Tony when he was still a kid, still at the house on 5 th Avenue, and still with his mom.

But it was like thinking of two different people. Yeah, she was a lot older than him. They all were. At the same time… Tony let his gaze wander toward the kitchen. Steve and Bucky were making faces at each other as both struggled not to laugh.

The difference was—Steve and Bucky didn’t  _ seem _ older. They might have been born before, but Steve always struck him as younger, more idealistic and maybe he was in terms of actual years lived. Bucky was older than Steve, but there were missing pieces—he’d shared a long relationship with Natasha but not a long life because they hadn’t been given that opportunity save for the few years they’d taken for themselves.

No, the simple reality was Natasha was older than all of them.

Yet…

“Apparently,” she said, her tone fond. “There’s a college event this weekend that he  _ has _ to go to but he doesn’t necessarily think he needs to attend, but he promised May he would.” The corners of her lips twitched. “He’s offering me a series of ‘reasons’ why he could get out of it if I spoke to May for him because he’d rather spend the weekend with us than meeting college recruiters.”

Tony snorted. “He’s going to MIT, he’s right, he doesn’t need to go. I can write him a note if he wants to get out of it.” He’d already taken it in the teeth from May when he called her. Boy howdy had she been pissed right up until she congratulated him about the marriage, then threatened him if he hurt Natasha.

The fact Natasha seemed utterly unaware of the profound effect she had on the people around her, how they wanted her or wanted to protect her, added to her overall appeal in his perspective.

Huh.

Maybe it was part of her DNA. Pheromones, possibly? Or she was just that exceptional.

“Except, he promised May,” Natasha pointed out. “If he made a promise, he should keep it.”

“Promises are important to you.” It wasn’t a question.

She glanced up from the phone, eyebrows raised. “Like they aren’t important to you?”

“Touché.” It was largely why he didn’t offer them freely. After saluting her, he drained his coffee. His own phone buzzed and he shifted forward to pull it out of his pocket.

**Peter:** Mom won’t bail me out with May, since you’re already in trouble with her, do you think you could? I don’t want to waste half a Saturday here when I could be with you guys.

Tony snorted.

“He wants back up?” Natasha asked.

“Yep,” he said. “What do you want me to tell him, Mom?”

He would never get tired of that. The flush of pleasure in her eyes at the name had been as clear as day the first time Tony heard Peter say it. Grandmother didn’t fit.

Mom did.

Not finding Mary, or rather finding her only to realize she’d died, had damn near broken Natasha and there hadn’t been a single thing Tony could do. He couldn’t erase her agony or undo what had been done. The loss was something he was intimately acquainted with, not as a parent, but as a child who had lost his parents.

Steve and Bucky re-entered with fresh mugs of hot cocoa and they held one out to Natasha first.

They were going to need to wash a load of mugs at the rate they were going through them. When Steve set one next to Tony’s food, he considered the hot cocoa. It looked right. He and Steve had muddled through making some when the Mandarin had Natasha, but this was different.

“What does the little punk want?” Bucky asked as he sat down on the hearth next to her.

“An excuse to not go to his college day at school.”

“Have him invite Wanda,” Steve suggested.

Not a bad idea except… Tony shot a look to Natasha who pursed her lips.

“Or is he is still seeing that other girl?” Bucky asked. “The one he brought to the party.”

“Liz,” Tony supplied. “That’s the $64,000 question.”

“Then maybe not inviting her would be a plan,” Steve said as he hid a smile, but his gaze tracked to Natasha as he grinned wider.

“Like mother like son?” Tony asked drily.

“Actually…” Steve began.

“Punk, I will end you.” Bucky’s flat tone just made Steve grin wider.

“You always did have a flock of girls.”

Bucky glared, Tony snickered and Steve just grinned, but it was Natasha’s laughter that got all of them.

“None of you are allowed to give him advice,” she said, still laughing as she texted Peter back.

“Fair deal,” Tony said then sent,  _ sorry, if I disagree with your mother then I have to deal with your mother and I make it a point to never deal with your mother unless it’s my own crap I screwed up. _

He got back a text with a tongue sticking out.

Bucky snorted, then all of their phones buzzed.

“For the love of…” Tony began, he and Peter were going to have a conversation about it. But it wasn’t Peter, it was Clint.

**Clint:** How is she? Does she know?

**Tony:** Yes, I told her. And she’s Natasha. She’s amazing.

He almost typed fragile, it fit, but she was and she wasn’t. The fact she could even smile was a testament to her strength. That she leaned on any of them was a gift.

Steve answered his and then Bucky his own. “Maybe I should have gotten a cell jammer for here,” Bucky mused aloud.

“Don’t,” Natasha said. “He’s worried and Peter has to go to class now so we have forty-five minutes before he has time to come up with more excuses.”

Tony chuckled. “He can still come for the weekend. We can always take him to the college thing then bring him back.”

“Already fixed it with Friday to fly him out if he can make it this weekend,” Bucky said. “I meant it when I said I wanted Natalia to have a couple of weeks.”

“Can we really afford all of us to be down that long?” A worried frown pulled at her brows and she finally picked up her hot cocoa and sniffed it once before taking a sip. Steve and Bucky both leaned forward, staring at her intently.

Her frown deepened then she took another sip.

Good frown? Bad frown? Trying to identify the poison frown? Tony hadn’t sipped his yet but he gave it a go. His tongue was on fire, but the chocolate went down smooth and it took the fire with it.

Holy crap.

Tony’s eyes watered for a second and he caught Natasha’s gaze.

“It’s good,” she said slowly, not missing a beat. “Though maybe a bit heavy with the pepper.”

“Yeah?” Bucky frowned then took a cautious drink of his. Tony was pretty sure his esophagus had been sheared off, but he gave it a second try for a drink.

That hit his stomach like a bomb and he swore sweat gathered on his brow.

“I kind of like it,” Bucky said and Steve chuckled.

“How bad is it, Angel? Cause Tony’s over there turning red and sweating.”

“It’s great,” Tony declared, giving him a dour look. “I like things red and spicy.” He took another swallow to prove it and the fire was worth it to see Natasha’s grin.

“Not bad at all. Definitely invigorating.” She took a deeper drink like she was slamming vodka. Oh. That was an idea.

Tony knocked it all back and she did the same and he coughed as his eyes really did water this time and it was Steve pounding him on the back lightly as Tony coughed.

“Maybe a little heavy on the pepper,” he admitted.

After glasses of water and the laughter subsided, Steve added, “Yes, we can absolutely take the time. We’ll go if there’s an assemble. You stay put until we get the trigger words dealt with.”

Bucky nodded. “Especially since we have no idea who knows.”

All those times Fury tried to get her alone, Tony would wager he knew.

“Since we’re here,” Steve continued. “Maybe we lay some ground rules?”

“Well,” Tony said. “This should be fun.”

**Steve**

The fact Natasha could laugh saved his soul. The grief she’d been choking under for the last few days was worse than any torture Steve'd ever had to see her endure.

This place—this place Bucky had found for them was perfect. It wasn’t moving out of the Tower but it was letting them get away from it all. They weren’t Avengers here, they didn’t have to be. They didn’t have the team right at their heels, it was just them.

When Buck insisted on bringing Tony there had been a moment, just a single moment of resistance in Steve, but it evaporated almost as quickly as it had formed. They couldn’t leave him behind. It was what Natasha had meant on the island when she said they could look but she wouldn’t abandon Tony.

He wouldn’t—and hadn’t—cut them loose at any point when he had every right to do so. In the last few months, he’d gone above and beyond. More, Steve had gotten to know  _ Tony _ , not Howard’s son or Stark or even Iron Man.  _ Tony _ .

Tony needed them as much as they had come to need him. It was a little awkward, but more because they were all being careful of Natasha than each other. There was no doubt something happened between Tony and Natasha when they’d gone up top to watch the sunrise.

While Steve kept waiting for the jealousy to hit, it didn’t come. Tony hadn’t kept the secret about the marriage from her any longer than necessary and so far—she’d taken it okay but there was something in her eyes, Steve couldn’t pin down. It had been there on and off the last few days and he wasn’t sure what it was.

If he were a gambler, from the way Buck watched her, he wasn’t quite sure either.

She’d changed.

There was no way she couldn’t, not having all the pieces back but more—finding Mary only to lose her?

Something indefinable part of Natasha had changed.

_ “Steve, look at me.” Tony set his coffee down and locked gazes with the other man. “Listen to me. This—right here—this is important. You see the best in people and the best in their situations. That’s above and beyond. It makes people want to be better than they are. But right here and right now… you need to open your eyes and accept that this procedure could give Red everything she wants and cost her far more than we would ever want her to pay and that could change her. I’m not saying it will, but it could. You have to be ready for that. You have to be braced. Because if that happens, she’s going to need us more than ever—she’s going to need you and that unshakable damn moral compass.” _

Tony hadn’t been wrong.

So here they were.

“Rules?” Natasha asked, shifting to set her mug on the coffee table and finally picking up the food she’d barely picked at. Her phone was propped against her thigh and Buck had planted himself at her side, but more as support than protection. Steve worried about both of them, but at least Buck was dealing with his own grief instead of burying it all to look after Natasha.

It was a process. One that was going to hurt for a while.

“I thought the rules were I needed to rest, not overexert myself, avoid head injuries…” The droll tone made Steve smile.

Periodically, his Natasha peered through this new one. There was no doubt in him she was different, but she was also herself. While she sorted out the pieces, he had every intention of making sure she was shielded on all sides. Nothing was getting through to disturb her until she had her balance back.

To that end, he and Buck talked while they ran and then while they sparred. They were on the same page.

“There are other rules,” Bucky said. “But these have to be rules we all agree to—you, me, Steve, and Tony.”

It didn’t escape Steve’s notice that Tony had braced himself. Though his forehead was a little damp from the cayenne accident they had. The lid came off when they’d gone to add spice to the cocoa. Steve had tried to catch it in time, but apparently more went in than they’d planned for. Still, it hadn’t tasted half bad but Natasha had lied to preserve their feelings so smoothly…

God, he loved her.

“No house parties and lights out at nine?” Tony asked.

Natasha chuckled and Steve grinned. “Nothing quite so explicit. Actually, there are really only two rules that I’m asking for all of us and two others specifically for you, Angel.”

“No assembles and no sparring?” Good guesses.

“Those went with recovery, not what I am asking you for.”

Surprise flickered through those eyes and chased away some of the sadness that seemed to have permanently settled in the deep green.

“You focus on you,” Steve told her. “Everything you’re dealing with, you have to. If you need time, like you did earlier and you need to be alone, just say it. Don’t try to preserve our feelings or feel like you have to take care of us. If you need to cry, cry. If you need a hug—just come get it.”

As if to illustrate the point, Bucky wrapped an arm around her. “If you don’t want a hug or if you just want to do something else, you don’t have to make excuses. I’m not kidding, neither is Steve.”

“I’ll throw my vote in for that one, too, Red. You need something, just say it. Whatever it is.”

Steve hadn’t doubted Tony would go with that.

“All right,” she said slowly. “That can apply to all of you, too.”

“No arguments,” Steve told her and he didn’t intend to argue.

“Thank you,” she said, leaning her head against Buck’s shoulder after she finished the pirozhki. The whole first floor had smelled divine when they came up from their workout. The baking she did—he’d never get tired of it. Though, he was curious what else she could make. “What’s the second Nat only rule?”

Snorting softly, Steve said, “Nothing you do over the next couple of weeks is wrong. Kind of pairs with rule number one real well.”

She frowned and she wasn’t alone. But he knew exactly what he was saying. 

“Stevie means it,” Bucky said. “So do I. You aren’t wrong, what you need or who you need it from.” Tony gave a little jerk and when he met Steve’s gaze, Steve didn’t look away. He waited, then nodded once. It was important that Tony understood, they got what Natasha needed to know and they were okay with it.

“Steve,” Natasha said slowly.

“Yes, Angel?”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I know,” he said. “But we’re being honest about this, right? We agreed we’d talk.” And talking in front of Tony, even if they were going in circles, wasn’t so hard.

“That means if you and Tony want to have your date and have time, Steve and I have things we can do. I’ve got my training modules and Steve has his studio. There’s a lab here, doesn’t have all of Tony’s toys, but there’s stuff for him, to do when we want time. Going out for a date is gonna be problematic for a few days, but…you know. We can make it work.” Or Bucky could just cut to the chase.

“That said,” Tony added dryly. “No one expects you to do anything, see rule number one. I’m not in any hurry, Red. I told you, my feelings aren’t fragile.”

She exhaled, “Okay… and the other two rules?”

Bucky looked at Steve then Tony before he fixed his attention on her. “Relax. We’re all going to find a way to relax. Dance. Workout. Paint. Build shit. Watch movies.”

“Have sex?” Tony suggested and Steve sighed.

“Yeah, Tony, Natalia and I can have sex,” Bucky retorted. “Not sure you’re on that list yet.”

Instead of being remotely put off, though, Tony just grinned. “Hey, everyone needs goals. I like a challenge.”

Even Steve had to laugh because, damn Tony. Nothing slowed him down.

“The point is,” Steve interjected before they went too far down the rabbit hole. “We’re not working. I know—you’re going to want to do research, there’s things you still have to know. Fine, but we’re going to take a few days and just be, Steve and Bucky and Natasha and Tony.”

“I support this plan,” Tony said. “Three to one Red, we win.”

“I didn’t say I was voting against it,” she told him. “And… I like the plan, too.”

“Second rule,” Steve plowed forward. “We can say want or we can say need, but Natasha—your needs come first.”

“No,” she said slowly.

“Natalia…”

“No,” she said with a slow shake of her head. “I can agree to tell you when I need something or if I need space. I want you to tell me the same things. But we’re not making me more important than anyone else.” Closing her hand on Bucky’s, she looked at Tony for a long moment then at Steve. “I won’t. What James and I are dealing with is one thing… but you’re not divorced from it, Steve. Nor is Tony. You don’t get to put aside what you need just to focus on mine. I can’t… I don’t want that. Please don’t make it a rule.”

Bucky had been right, she wouldn’t go for it. “Angel, we just want you to be able to heal and I don’t even know what healing is going to look like.”

“Me neither.”

“Then we play it by ear,” Tony suggested. “Someone needs something, they say it. No hard feelings, no assumptions—just state the need. Red, you need vodka. You say. If Steve needs a few hours with big band music, he says it. We can’t help if we don’t know what the other person needs.”

“That’s very healthy of you, Tony.”

“Bite me, Red. I said I knew some great shrinks.”

She snorted and flipped him off. It earned her a grin and something fisted inside of Steve relaxed.

“Partners,” he said and her smile grew as she locked on his gaze.

“Partners.”

That was theirs and if they had to keep reminding each other, so be it. “What do you need, Steve?”

“Got everything I need right here, Angel,” he told her and she rolled her eyes. “Seriously. This place, you, Buck—even Tony.”

“Thank you,” Tony said. “I am a gift to all who appreciate me.”

Tony had nothing in his hands so when Steve winged the pillow across the room and it struck him in the chest and knocked him back into the seat he had no guilt.

Bucky snorted and Natasha burst out laughing.

Eyeing him, Tony smiled slowly. “It’s going to be like that?”

“Oh yeah,” Steve said. “Pillow fights are mandatory.”

“Good to know,” Tony said before he winged it right back at Steve. Launching out of the seat he charged toward Tony only to take a pillow right to the side of the head.

“Oops,” Bucky said. “Missed.”

Then he was in it and the three of them ran around the house like a bunch of teenagers.

Five pillows died in the antics and while Natasha didn’t join in nor did any of them hit her with a single one, her laughter egged them on.

Panting and eyeing the destruction, Tony raised his hand. “I need a time-out.”

“Yeah,” Bucky said. “You also need to be back in the gym, your trainer is going to kick your ass when she finds out how much you’ve been skipping the last few weeks.”

“Damn, I thought Barton was the one throwing me under the bus,” Tony retorted as he flopped onto the sofa.

“Hey, we offered,” Steve reminded him.

Cracking one eyelid, Tony said, “Hey Red, did you know that…”

“Tony,” Bucky said in a sober tone. “Don’t you dare.”

“Oh, see, I wasn’t,” Tony said with a grin. “Then you had to dare me.”

“Fuck.” At the swear, Steve and Tony responded in the same tone, “Language.”

Natasha snickered. “You were saying, Tony.”

“Oh, I was just going to say that you know these guys only showered when we blackmailed them into it, right?”

“I know,” she told him and Steve chuckled. Tony wasn’t going to tell her about them getting shot. They would have to, eventually. But she didn’t need to worry about them at the moment. “But James is right, you are going to be in trouble when I can get into the gym.”

“I’ll go run, you can come watch me be all manly and then I’ll take on one of Steve’s speed bags.” Tony winked at her and she grinned. “You know, later, when you’re feeling up to it.”

“Gracious.”

“I can be.”

When she yawned though, all the playfulness in the moment fled.

“Maybe time for a nap?” Bucky nudged her. The cat had disappeared somewhere in the middle of the pillow fight and Steve hadn’t seen her since.

“Maybe,” she said. “But there are all these mugs…and feathers and stuffing.”

“I got that,” Tony said. “Friday—send in the drones.”

There was a slotting sound from somewhere and a round little drone began making a path across the floor, cleaning as it went.

“See,” Tony said. “All good. We’ll take care of the dishes. You go nap and figure out if there’s something you wanna do this afternoon or we can do some marathons to bring the super twins up to the twenty-first century.”

“That could be fun,” she said and rose. Her phone buzzed and she glanced down at it. “Hello, Peter. I’ll talk to him for a few, then I’ll sleep. I promise.”

“You need anything?” Bucky asked.

“Hmm… I’m good unless you want to come lay down with me.”

That was a no brainer.

“Yep, Stevie, you got the dishes with Tony?”

“Sure,” Steve said, chuckling. She paused and when she slid onto the arm of his chair and kissed him, Steve held her gently. “You rest, okay?”

“I will…” she answered in a murmur. The hurt, it was still there, but they’d helped to fade it a little. “Thank you.”

“Never have to thank me, Angel,” he reminded her. “Go on, we’ll be good.”

“But bad is so much fun,” she teased and he grinned wider, then gave her ass a gentle slap.

“Yes, it is, but not right now.”

“Yes, sir,” she said with a wink, then turned and reached down to ruffle Tony’s hair.

“Aww, gee, Red, now I have to style it again.” But the complaint just made her smile.

“You okay?”

“Always,” he told her, clasping her hand. “Go nap. We can get into all kinds of trouble later.”

She tapped his nose once, then turned and let Bucky take her hand as they wandered out of the room and down the hall to the stairs. Steve could hear her phone buzzing away. When he glanced back, Tony had his phone out.

“Telling Pete to give it a rest for a bit,” Tony said. “She needs to sleep.”

“Yeah, but not too much rest. He’s the one thing that’s consistently made her smile,” Steve reminded him.

“Truth,” Tony answered as he sat up with a groan. “Fuck, I’m tired.”

“You could go nap, too,” Steve said and Tony snorted. “Yeah, I didn’t think you would. Clean up and then some Mario Kart?”

Tony smirked. “Works for me.” Then his expression sobered. “Steve… if dating her is really a problem for you.”

“Nope,” Steve told him. “You said to me once, you were fine with friends and you would be there until the day she told you to get out. If she wanted more—well you’d do that, too. She’s asking to figure it out. I’m okay with that.”

They studied each other and Tony nodded. “We don’t have to see each other naked or anything, right?”

Rolling his eyes, Steve stood.

“I’m just saying, I don’t want to intimidate you or anything.”

Shaking his head, Steve reached for Natasha’s plate and mugs. “Uh huh.”

“You don’t know, man, I’ve been known to pretty much shrink the competition.”

Glancing over his shoulder, he said, “You’re hilarious.”

“Thank you,” Tony answered, grinning. “And I mean that. Thank you.”

“Just don’t hurt her.”

“Never.”

“Good.” They understood each other. “Now, keep bragging but clean while you do it. Need to figure out what to feed her tonight, I don’t think she should have to cook for us.”

“I can do a mean lasagna and tiramisu if we have the stuff,” Tony told him as they headed into the kitchen.

“Seriously?”

“Steve, my mother was Italian. Trust me, I can cook Italian.”

“Well then, let’s see what we have…”

“You’re going to help?”

“Wild horses couldn’t drag me away.”

**Bucky**

Natalia drifted a little when they reached their room and it was  _ theirs _ , not just hers like on Steve’s floor and she hadn’t batted an eyelash. Finishing a text message, she closed her phone and set it on the nightstand on his side of the bed.

“When I was first looking for a place for us,” he told her, closing the door and tracking her with his gaze as she stripped. “I originally planned to take one of the other rooms and give Steve one, like we do at the Tower. This would be yours and we would have ours and…”

“I like it being ours,” she said, turning around as she tugged the shirt up and over her head. It landed with the rest of her clothes before she crawled onto the middle of the bed. “I like—I like sleeping with you guys. I don’t necessarily want to sleep by myself.”

Which was a vast change from when they got her back and she started pushing them away. After stripping his own clothes, he tugged the covers up before sliding under with her. When she rolled straight to him and wrapped around him, he cradled her.

“Hey,” he said quietly. “What can I do?”

“Just hold me,” she said, pressing her cheek against his chest right over his heart.

“Never a problem, Doll,” he murmured softly, running his hand over her back. “You seemed to be okay downstairs, did Peter say something?”

“No,” she said, spreading her fingers over his chest and he continued to rub soothing circles against her back. “Just…”

“It comes in waves,” he whispered and she nodded slowly.

“You guys were getting along and laughing and… it’s so normal. It feels normal. It hasn’t been our normal for long and I…”

Pressing a kiss to her temple, he waited. They’d just asked her to tell them what she needed. He and Steve had discussed it while sparring. Well, more when the punk pushed him to tell him how Bucky was doing. It ate at Steve that he couldn’t fix this for them and Bucky understood that feeling all too well. Particularly after waking up with his hand on her throat, but she hadn’t flinched or pulled away. Even now, she wrapped around him. Her trust was a gift.

A long sigh and she lifted her head. “I kissed Tony.”

Meeting her gaze, he raised his hand to smooth her curls back from her face. “Okay.” Considering how close they’d been when he and Steve brought out the coffee, he’d rather suspected as much. The weight of her gaze tugged at him though. “You told us you wanted to understand your feelings better, Doll. You said you wanted to date him.”

“We’re okay?” She wasn’t testing him, she was comforting herself and Bucky got that.

“Are you leaving me, Natalia?”

“No,” she said without hesitation. “Never.”

Even though he’d known that answer it still flooded him with emotion when she answered so fiercely. “Then we’re okay.” Then because she deserved to hear all of it, he added, “I know he’s in love with you and he has been for a long time. I saw it when I came to Switzerland and I’ve only seen it grow these last few months. My only concern was his reputation. I didn’t want you to be a conquest, a notch he could claim and brag. I would never allow him to use you.”

“He doesn’t want to use me,” she said quietly. “I do know the difference.”

“With most people?” He had to tread carefully. “Yes. Tony is different.” Gathering her hair into his fist, he tugged it up until the curls spilled around his fingers. “It’s not a judgment. But you would die for him and you’ve been willing to die for him for a long time.”

He hadn’t forgotten what she’d said to Steve about attachment about being willing to kill for so many, but that she would die for him or for Steve. She would die for Tony, too. She’d put herself through hell for him when she went after Ross. Without question, she’d done it in facing the Mandarin. It didn’t diminish her ability or her fight to survive.

Natasha had been committed to Tony Stark for a long time, but she hadn’t had all the pieces.

Natalia now did…

“He can hurt you,” Bucky said simply. “I won’t allow that.”

“I know, but he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore than you do,” she said, trailing her fingers over his face. Shadows lined her eyes and tears shimmered in them. “You didn’t have to make a place for him here. You could have made this just ours and kept him at a distance.”

“No,” he said simply. “He’s yours. I told you that makes them mine, too.” It was that simple. “You have this huge, noisy, and sometimes irritating family.” He’d been born into one. She’s created one, drawing them to her.

“Remy’s not so bad.”

Bucky snorted. “What is he exactly to you? I mean I know you rescued him and trained him…”

“I guess, a little brother? I hesitate to say son. But I helped raise him some, but I wasn’t always there. I got him out of scrapes, helped him hone his skills, listened to him complain and when he needed me I came and when I needed him…”

“He showed up. Was China the first time?” Because he’d been curious.

“For a full-on rescue? Yes. Usually, it was information I got from him.”

Ahh. Like the club. “And Boo?”

She laughed, an honest to god, full-throated beautiful husky laugh. God, he loved her. She leaned close and whispered, “He spent three years trying to sneak up on me because I always managed to sneak up on him. I would stand there and when he’d turn, I’d just say Boo. He almost blew me through a wall once I startled him so bad.” If not for the fond amusement and continued laughter, Bucky would be a little more irritated with the idiot. As it was, he’d seen the genuine affection and fondness. The glimmer of hurt when she’d worried he’d betrayed her and the relief when she found out he hadn’t. “After that, Boo just stuck.”

“I like it. So—little brother. And Logan? Big brother?”

“Maybe…Logan’s a little harder to define.”

The man had helped his family and he’d helped Natalia. It was more than enough for Bucky to owe him whatever the man ever needed to ask of him. “Because he knew you before and after?”

“I get it a little more now,” she told him. “In Canada, I didn’t…I didn’t know how to trust and I really didn’t trust this fierce man who offered us aid without asking for a damn thing in return.”

“Everybody has a price.”

She nodded.

“If you don’t make an exchange, then you owe them.”

Another nod. “But he never asked for anything. Not once. He came back too—he didn’t have to do that. Mary and I would have made it out, but it was close and then he was there and he helped. He protected us and he didn’t know me. Helped smuggle me into the States again. He didn’t have to do any of those things.”

A long sigh and then laid her head back down and he smoothed her hair.

“And James, I told him to not trust me again if he ever saw me after. I warned him.”

“But he did trust you.” He had to have and yet he kept her secret all those years until she remembered enough to ask him.

“In a way,” she whispered, then she told him about how Logan found her and followed her from Japan to Los Angeles and then down to Mexico. How he had to have tracked her for months, Natalia freshly wiped and alone, burning her way through Red Room doctors and administrators—anyone who had been there, she hunted them down systematically.

It made him ache to think of her out there alone.

“But Logan is a stubborn son of a bitch,” she admitted. “He was there and when I was in another fight, he waded right in and then offered me work. It paid the bills and gave me an ally. I don’t know that I trusted him for a long time, but… looking back, he took an awful risk.”

“Because he liked you,” Bucky said. And he owed him a lot more than he’d realized. “I dare say the grumpy bastard loves you.”

“Well, he’s the only man alive allowed to call me Natty,” she admitted and Bucky laughed.

“No worries, Kotyonok. I wouldn’t dare.”

The first splash of dampness hitting his chest had him tightening his arms. The sobs came in quiet hiccups and the tears burned in his own eyes, but he held her until the shaking quieted and finally her breathing deepened. Stroking her hair back, he pressed another kiss to her temple.

Head back against the pillows, he sighed.

Eventually, it would get easier.

But he didn’t think it would ever go away.

Family was important to Natalia. More important than he thought she would even admit to herself.

His phone buzzed quietly and he picked it up careful to not disturb her.

**Peter:** Is Mom all right?

The little punk made Buck smile. With one hand, he typed  _ she’s grieving, pal. It comes in waves. You keep making her smile. She’ll be all right. She is asleep right now, I’ll have her text you when she wakes up. _

__

**Peter:** Thank you. Are you all right?

_ I have your mom _ . Those words were weird to type and the emotion in his chest tightened. Weird, but right.  _ I will always be all right as long as I have her. You’re not so bad either. _

**Peter:** LOL! I found photo albums. I’m going to bring them. Is that going to be okay?

Pain fisted around hope. The desire to know outweighed the cost it would inflict. It would be the same for Natalia.

_ She would love that. So would I. _

**Peter:** When I come this weekend—think we can talk some more? Hang out. I have so many questions.

_ You bet. _

**Peter:** Gotta go, bell’s ringing. Give Mom a kiss for me?

_ Go, I’ll take care of it. _

__

The phone quieted and Bucky glanced down at her. Yeah, he would take care of it and he would take care of her. Closing his eyes, he cradled her and spread his hand against her back to feel her heartbeat. When he’d snapped awake that morning, he’d been fighting to get back to her to keep her from going in that chair. But he was helpless to stop himself and then he’d opened his eyes and found her with his hand around her throat.

If he lived another hundred years, he would never forgive himself for having been the instrument that did that to her.

Never again.

Never again would he be used against her.

He had safeguards in place now.

Clint.

Steve.

Tony.

Friday.

And he didn’t doubt for an instant, Peter.

Natalia would be safe and her family would damn well make sure of it.


	4. You Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Settling into "vacation mode," James and Natalia reconnect. The guys play, dinner is s family affair, and Clint checks in.

**Chapter Four**

_You Say_

**Natalia/Natasha**

_“Romanoff.”_

_“Widow.”_

_“Natalia.”_

_“Natalie.”_

_“Ms. Rushman.”_

_“Natty.”_

_“Angel.”_

_“Romanova, Natalia Alianovna.”_

_“Black Widow.”_

_“Agent Romanoff.”_

_“Red.”_

_“Nat.”_

_“You bitch.”_

_“Boo.”_

_“Chernya vdova.”_

_“Nancy Roarke.”_

_“Natalie Rogers.”_

_“Zvezda moya.”_

_“Tasha.”_

_“Mewling quim.”_

_“Widow.”_

_“Mama.”_

_“Mom!”_

Natalia snapped her eyes open, every muscle tensed as adrenaline flooded her system. Heart hammering a rapid, staccato pace she tried to identify where she was. The room… the scent…

The colors were wrong, the bed was… movement next to her had her turning her head. James stared at her steadily, his pale blue eyes calm even in the dim half-light of the room.

James.

She fell back against the pillows as recognition spilled through her followed by relief. The new place. They were at the new house.

When James rolled onto his side, she gave him a small smile, but he cupped her cheek and shook his head.

“You’re safe.”

“I know.”

“You didn’t.” It wasn’t an accusation.

Steadying her breath calmed her pulse back to something rational. “I…didn’t. I don’t know this place yet.”

She would.

Glancing to her left, she stared at Steve’s side of the bed and then the nightstand there. No photograph.

There were photographs downstairs but Steve had filled their floor with pictures. Licking her lips, she glanced back up at James. “I know I’m safe.”

As safe as she could be, she supposed. He stroked her cheek with his thumb, then pressed a kiss to her forehead. “What do you need?”

Wrapping a hand around his nape, she tugged his head down and his mouth crashed into hers. That was what she needed. Drowning out the voices in her head as she drank in his kiss like water in the desert. James blanketed her even as she spread her thighs to make room for him.

The glide of his skin on hers pulled her focus to the present. She needed him. “I will always need you,” she reminded him in between kisses. Digging her fingers into his back, she couldn’t miss the shudder rippling over him.

Lifting his head, James stared down at her. “You have me,” he promised. “No one is taking me away again.”

“I’ll kill them,” she said flatly. “I’ll kill anyone who tries.” She’d killed many who had taken him from her or would have.

Without hesitation or reservation…

“No one is coming,” he said, pulling her back to the present with terrifically light kisses, nipping at her lower lip. The bite of his teeth a sharpness before he slid a hand down her side and hitched her leg higher. The weight of his erection settled against her cunt and she sighed. “No one, Natalia. I’m here. Feel me.”

Arching her hips, she stroked against the length of his cock. The glide back and forth teased her clit, but there was no real friction. With one hand, she skated it down his back to his ass. The muscles clenched beneath her fingers, but James’ gaze on her held her riveted. She never looked away from his eyes.

Not when he cupped her breast or teased the nipple. Not when he ground against her and applied the friction she’d wanted. Not when he dipped his head closer until only a breath separated their lips.

Natalia tilted her hips, then dragged her hand between them to wrap around his cock. He hissed out a breath and when his lips parted she swooped up to kiss him even as she drove them both mad stroking his tip against her labia, then against her clit.

Wet and aching, she sucked against his tongue. When he clasped her face between his hands and deepened the kiss, she angled him so she could surge up even as he sank down and he filled her with a thrust. She swallowed his groan even as one tore from her throat. Legs hooked around hips, she arched her back and dragged him closer.

The deep drugging kiss turned lighter and his groan turned into a growl as he surged against her. Natalia didn’t need gentle and she didn’t want it, they set a brutal pace for each other. As he broke the kiss to trail a path to her throat, she laughed.

“You feel so good,” she said as he lifted her a little higher and thrust so deep it nearly promised pain but only sparked pleasure.

“You have no idea how good you feel, lyubov moya… my Natalia.”

She writhed with every strike he scored. The scrape of his teeth and stubble sent tingles radiating over her skin. Languid heat sprawled through her as she eddied higher and higher, the tension coiled so tightly it threatened to snap.

 _Right… there…_ White edged her vision as the orgasm unfurled like a detonation and she clenched around him. James dragged his head up even as he fisted her hair and angled her head. Then they were fusing their mouths together as his hips began to stutter. The hot pulse of his orgasm sent another flame to lick through her as she dueled with his tongue.

Together, they collapsed. The weight of him covered her and she began to slowly stroke her fingers through his hair as they fought for their breath. The press of his lips to the corner of her mouth made her smile. A kiss to her cheek. Then the corner of her eye and finally he lifted his head.

The fatness of his pupils blown wide sent a bolt of giddiness through her. They could be drunk on each other again. They hadn’t had this since the cabin… just them, no worries beyond what lay outside the door.

The two men out there were safe and more they were wanted.

Her inner muscles still fluttered and flexed, each contraction made him hiss a little breath but he didn’t pull away from her. “My Natalia,” he whispered. “You really are all of her again, aren’t you?”

Meeting his gaze, she found a smile as she brushed his hair away from his face. “Yes and no. I’m…I have all the pieces now. I remember you.” From every treasured to every broken, blood-soaked moment. “I remember how fierce you were and oh how I would frustrate you, but you never struck me in anger. You praised when I did something right. You didn’t take. You always gave.”

“I took plenty,” he countered, trailing a finger down her nose. “You gave me sanity and purpose, you reminded me what it was to be human.”

“We reminded each other,” she argued. The static. The white noise. The way the world would fade and dim. The chair. Karpov. Madame. Their missions. Everything and everyone tried to decimate them.

They’d nearly won.

As he pressed his forehead to hers, he said, “You’re still reminding me.”

She smiled, the ache inside of her, that bottomless well of grief shrank a fraction. “As you do me.”

“I don’t have to remind you to be human,” he whispered. “All I have to do is look at the family you built, the people you drew together, the way you are there for them and all the little things you do. You are more human than most of us. Maybe you are the best of us…” After a beat, he chuckled. “Maybe we were wrong.”

“About?”

“We thought the serum took your daring and made you fearless, maybe it did. But I think it also took that stubborn human spark, that impish humor, and that deliciously beautiful heart and magnified them. Nothing they ever did stuck to you, Natalia.”

That wasn’t true…

“It is true,” he argued as if he heard her thoughts. “You say you’re a monster, that love is for children, and that you have red in your ledger… I know you believe them. But perhaps you should consider that you say those things because you _are_ human, because if you were any of them…it wouldn’t bother you.”

Another kiss, this one butterfly light.

“And I know because your heart is one of the most beautiful things about you, Natalia. I never knew if you saw me inside the Soldier or if it was just the Soldier…”

“It was both,” she promised him, cradling his face now. “The Soldier…he was the first person to ever just care about me and not want a damn thing from me. He never took from me and he never left me behind. I thought he would make me mad for wanting him, but then I got to know you in those times in between…” The longer he went through resets. “And I fell in love with you, too, in Montana.”

“Maybe a little bit with Steve?” he teased and she laughed.

“Well…we used to watch his movies.”

James stared at her.

“You what?”

“In the Red Room ...during the war. They would play his movies for us so we would know what the decadent Americans were up to…”

Laughter burst out of him, and he leaned into her.

“It is not that funny,” she argued, despite the fact her lips were twitching.

“Doll, Stevie couldn’t even handle a gun right in those movies… and the hitting?”

A giggle escaped and she swatted him. “Don’t be mean.”

“I’m not being mean, but we watched them one night in London…all three of them.”

Poor Steve.

“Trust me, we all made sure he could hold a gun after that.”

“So mean.” Still, she snickered. “I used to pretend to be him when I was at shooting practice.”

That sobered all of his laughter for a moment and James’ expression softened. “So, my girl had a thing for Stevie all along.”

“No, your _girl_ ,” she teased, “had a thing for Captain America. _I_ adore Steve. He wasn’t in those movies. Cap was.”

“Yeah,” he said with a sigh, curling a lock of her hair around his fingers. “He was. So—you were still mine first?”

“Of course I was, James. I could hit my targets, and I definitely knew how to hold a gun.”

“Oh yeah you do,” he said, then kissed her, slow and sweet. Her pulse had calmed and the sweat chilled against their skin. “I love you,” he said. “From the first moment I saw you, you captivated me.”

“It took a little longer for me…”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“How long?” The crinkles at the corners of his eyes, the softness of the laugh lines around his mouth, they belonged there. Her Soldier, safe, happy, and with her.

“The day I took you down in training.”

His brows gathered. “The knife.”

“Knives,” she said, emphasizing the plural. “I disabled your arm and got the knife to your throat.”

“You were clever, you planned and used everything you had to your advantage.” Pride filled his expression. “You were… amazing.”

“That right there is what captured me,” she admitted, tracing a finger over his lower lip. “You had stopped wearing your body armor when we sparred, that was when I realized you might be trusting me. You always halted when I called it.”

“So did you,” he pointed out.

“Everything was a lesson…you pushed so hard. No matter how good I was, I couldn’t quite seem to best you until I realized you had a weakness.” She scraped her teeth over her lower lip. Admitting this might not be a kind thing.

“You,” he whispered.

She nodded slowly. “You didn’t want to hurt me.”

“You wouldn’t yield that one fight.” Irritation ruffled the words.

“And you had to choke me unconscious.” She’d pushed him, too. “Then you beat my ass for the next four hours of that training. I had bruises for days.”

“You infuriated me,” he chastised her.

“I know,” she said, then grinned. “It’s part of my charm.”

Laughing, he nipped her lip. “Yes, it absolutely is. So, all I had to do was yield to get you to care?”

“No, I cared before, I just didn’t understand it. That day—you were proud of me for beating you. You complimented me and then ended training early, leaving me hours of free time. I found your room that night.”

It was the first time she’d found it.

It would not be the last.

“I thought…you might be a friend. My first friend. A real one.” Then because he deserved the whole truth. “If not a friend, then maybe an ally. Allies were useful.”

He nodded solemnly, but the warmth in his eyes didn’t diminish a degree. “I was definitely your ally and we figured out the friends part.”

“And the benefits…” She traced her fingers over his shoulders. “You were a first for me in so many ways. First trainer who didn’t want to hurt me. First trainer who actually smiled at me. First one who gave me a real compliment. First person to care about me. First lover I wanted.”

That surprised him and she raised her eyebrows.

“Natalia…”

“I love you.” The words still tasted bright and new. “I wish I’d been able to tell you that then.”

“You’ve always been able to tell me,” he said. “Every time you helped remind me who I was. Every time you said my name. Every time you reached for me…I’ve always known, Kotyonok. The words are beautiful, but I have only ever needed you.”

She wrapped around him as he hugged her. They lounged that way for a while until he rolled onto his back and pulled her with him. Eventually, she reached for the phone and looked at the time.

They’d slept for a while, or she had.

“Want to go check on them?”

“We probably should…”

“Indulge me in one question?” Though he asked it in a gentle tone, there was a hint of worry around his eyes.

“Of course.”

“How are you?”

“Still tired, but not as exhausted. My heart hurts, I don’t have another word for it.” It might always hurt, even if it had shrunk some. “I slept…dreams were not…good. But waking up was much nicer.” She rubbed her hand in a circle against his chest as she propped herself up to look at him. “How are you?”

“Happy that I have you back, happy that you’re healing. The sadness is still there. I am glad I didn’t hurt you this morning or this afternoon.”

“Don’t take yourself away from me,” she said. “Please.”

“I won’t,” he promised in that soothing croon. “I just never want to hurt you again.”

“Well, at least we know how to make up,” she teased and earned a bit of a smile. “Shower with me?”

“Oh, yes. I might do other things with you…” The last came out huskily as she sat up and straddled him.

“Really?” She lifted her brows. “Well, I suppose if you do all the work since I’m supposed to be resting and avoiding—” Laughter swallowed the words as he carried her into the shower.

“Trust me, I can handle it, Kotyonok.” Then they were under the hot spray and his mouth was on hers. The spray hit them from three sides, but all she felt was James.

It was definitely a long shower.

But so worth it. 

~~~

James led the way down. She’d dressed in thick fuzzy socks, pajama bottoms, a tank top and a hoodie—Steve’s she thought. It could have been James’. Most of the clothes had just been shoved into the closet and she’d dragged James out before either of them could begin to reorganize. They’d deal with it another day. The scents of rich meat, tomato sauce and cheese beckoned and she could have sworn she smelled garlic bread.

The cloak waited, perfectly still, next to the little waterfall. Liho laid on one of the chairs, tail lashing as she stared intently at the cloak. Just as James hit the last step the cloak drifted away as though heading for the downstairs Natalia still needed to explore and Liho shot after in pursuit almost catching the flapping corners before the cloak increased its speed.

They both paused staring after them and Natalia had to bite back a smile. James slanted a look up at her, the corner of his mouth kicking higher. Then he mouthed, “All you.”

She winked.

“Watch it!” Tony called out. “I mean it, Rogers. Don’t make me… you did that on purpose.”

“Well yeah,” Steve said with a chuckle. “You asked for this.”

“Oh, it’s on.” The response was almost a snarl.

“Hey!” Steve’s laughter cut off abruptly. “What the hell was that?”

“That was you messing with the bull. Now you get the horns.” The tempo of his tone telegraphed the smirk he had to be wearing.

“C’mon, how is that…”

James caught her hand as he led her through toward the living room. Steve and Tony were wholly focused on the screen in front of them. They had on glasses, gauntlets and controllers, their hands mimed movements as the characters in Tony’s cracked copy of Mortal Kombat wailed on each other.

Eyebrows lifted, James opened his mouth but she pressed a finger to her lips and shook her head. Then she leaned into him as he wrapped an arm around her. She could guess from the combination moves which one was Tony. When his player did a soul charge and knocked Steve’s clear out of the ring she winced, a move James mirrored. Steve nearly didn’t make it back in before the timer ran out on his health.

He barely blocked the next move and Tony cackled gleefully.

“C’mon, Steve…”

“I’m trying,” Steve bit back and then his character went down and Tony stood up, hands raised.

“Still the champion. Teach you to use a fatality on my girl.”

Shaking his head, Steve pulled off the glasses. “This is supposed to be a game. You’re almost as bad as Nat.”

“You take that back.”

“I don’t know, you get just as competitive,” Steve said, almost tsking.

“No one is as competitive as Red.” Tony pivoted then spotted them standing there, mouth open to continue, then he grinned. “Hey Red, sleep well?”

“I slept fine.”

Steve wore an adorable smirk when he glanced back. No way he hadn’t known they were standing there. The look Tony gave him said he’d guessed the same thing.

“Enjoying your game?” she teased.

“Actually,” Tony said, recovering neatly. “I was just showing Steve how you don’t open a can of whoop-ass if you don’t intend to bring it.”

“Is that what you call it?” Steve’s too mild tone promised this was far from the first match.

Oh, they might have lost both of them to the game.

“How do you play it?” James asked as he ran his hand up and down her arm. Make that three.

“I could show you,” Natalia offered.

“Sorry, Red,” Tony said, all mock sorrow and teasing eyes. “You’re supposed to be letting that beautiful brain rest and no strenuous activities.”

“You think kicking all of your asses at that game would count as strenuous?” She raised her eyebrows, daring him to keep it up.

“I think I can take you on that screen even if you can wipe the floor with me in the gym. No ego massaging required.”

Steve groaned, laughing. “Tony, you really want to taunt _that_ bull?”

“Maybe,” he retorted. “But we’ll start with Bucky, get him up to snuff, then we can take Red if all three of us gang up on her.”

Natalia rolled her eyes.

“Dinner first,” Steve said stripping off his gauntlet. “Hungry?”

Not really, but she was game to try. “Something smells good.”

“Something,” Tony corrected almost haughtily as he removed his gauntlets and they set their gear on the coffee table, “smells divine. Minced lamb, real Italian sausage and ground beef simmered in a perfect sauce then combined with the best pasta, ricotta and five different kinds of cheese.” He did a chef’s kiss. “Perfection if I do say so myself.”

“And you have,” Steve said, clearly amused. “Game off for now, Friday.”

He circled the sofa and she went to take a step toward him and paused at the images on the screen.

There were… wedding photos.

“What the Hell?” James said before she could.

Tony and Steve both twisted to look at the screen then wore equal grimaces as they returned to facing them. “About that…” Tony began.

“They are part of the story for your elopement,” Friday announced. “The finished images went out before Boss was notified.”

Natalia raked a hand through her hair as she stared at the screen. She and Tony were walking arm in arm… “That’s from the party after we got the scepter back.”

“Yeah,” Tony said. “And that one…” he motioned to another. “That’s Monaco.”

Another had to be from when she and Tony arrived at the Christmas party, there were others. They’d been skillfully manipulated. Their clothes had been shifted, they were on a beach from the looks of it.

“Well, there are worse places for the ceremony, I suppose.”

“Sorry, Red. Friday shut those down.”

James had gone stiff next to her and she pulled her attention away to look at him. Curling her fingers around his, she tilted her head. “It’s the dress, isn’t it? Too modern?”

He blinked slowly then glanced at her. “What?”

“You see me in some large, fluffy monstrosity with a twenty-five-foot train and lacy, poofy sleeves and a kind of bell skirt that would swish if I rocked from side to side?”

Would he remember?

Tony had gone quiet, one hand against the back of his head as he smoothed over his hair and Steve let out a weighty sigh. They’d seen all the images and had apparently gotten past it. James was taking a minute.

His eyes softened. “You could wear a burlap sack and be perfect.”

“Well, except I’d be awfully itchy. I have worn burlap. It’s not a good look for me.”

The curve of his lips deepened and he laughed, then tightened his arm around her for a hug. Lips pressed close to her ear, he murmured, “Thank you, Natalia.”

When he loosened his grip on her, the tension in his expression had bled away and his shoulders were looser. The situation couldn’t be easy for him—for any of them. She didn’t actually care about the wedding thing, she got it. Tactically, it made sense. It was uncomfortable for them, though, including Tony and _that_ she had a problem with.

“Speaking of weddings, I have decided what I want, Tony.”

“Hmm?” He gave her an incredulous look.

“Yes,” she said. “I want a pony.”

James wasn’t the only one laughing, the humor rippled through all three of them.

“C’mon,” Steve said, curving an arm around her waist and giving her a hug. “We have the table set and everything. Tony even chilled a bottle of wine for you.”

“Huh,” was James’ only comment.

“Too soon?” Tony asked and Natalia glanced back in time to see the dry humor in James’ eyes.

“Suck. Up.” He patted Tony on the shoulder before following her and Steve.

“I don’t need to suck up,” Tony argued as he followed. “I’m pretty nifty you know.”

“Yes, we’ve heard,” James said. “Billionaire.”

“Genius,” Steve added.

“Playboy,” James ticked off and there was a beat of silence.

“Nope, that one no longer applies,” Tony said. “Retired playboy.”

“Good answer,” Steve said.

“And you two forgot philanthropist,” Natalia reminded them and then paused when they got to the dining area. Not only had they set the table, they had a perfect view of the waterfall and all its colorful lights, but the table looked almost festive with the dishes and glasses.

Steve tugged out a chair for her and her phone buzzed as she sat. It was Peter.

**Peter:** Home from school, gonna get homework done then run a patrol.

For a moment, Natalia’s good mood plummeted.

**Peter:** Karen worked out a new patrol pattern, according to her it varies from all previous patterns by sixty-eight percent. I’ll check-in before I go out and then when I get back. Okay?

Resting his hands on her shoulders, Steve said, “If you don’t want him to go or if you want him to have backup, we can call Sam and Wanda.”

“Or I can head out there,” Tony said. “Or Friday can monitor him, too.”

Natalia glanced up at Steve then to Tony and finally to James. He gave her a little shrug. It wasn’t a lack of caring, but a simple fact—Peter had done this before they knew. It was why she’d been training him in the first place. Just being… She swallowed. Just being Mary’s son _shouldn’t_ make him more special. He’d always been someone’s son.

**Peter:** Should we increase the variance? Karen said we can alter it as much as seventy-five percent but there would be overlap cause—well, Queens. Also, no sightings of Vulture that I’ve been able to see since I did some research and Friday and Karen said they’ve kept tapped in, too. So you don’t have to worry about that.

The fact that the first thing he said was he planned to vary his patrol pattern demonstrated excellent judgment. He _had_ listened.

“Friday,” Tony said. “Call Peter.”

The phone rang and then Peter answered it immediately. “Hello?”

“Hey Pete…” Tony said. “You’re freaking your mom out.”

“He’s not,” she said swiftly, pinning him with a look.

“Well, not freaking her out cause Red doesn’t freak out,” Tony conceded with a raise of his hands. “So, walk us through your plan and that way we can get the Red ‘Seal of Approval’ and the two commandos at the table can tell you if you’re doing something wrong.”

Peter laughed and she leaned back, tipping her head to rest against Steve’s arm. He squeezed her shoulder. James braced his hands on the back of the chair across from her.

“Hi guys,” Peter said. “Hi Mom, don’t freak out.”

“Never open an explanation with those words,” she advised. “It suggests that whatever you’re about to tell me is something worth freaking out over.”

“Got it,” Peter said and there was a squeak like he’d flopped on a bed. “Let’s rewind. Hi Mom, guess what I did today?”

James grinned.

“What did you do today?” She could play her part.

“Worked out a way to not be so predictable on my route, my favorite spider gave me some good advice so Karen and I put our heads together and reworked my patrol route. It’s not perfect, will probably need to be tweaked again, as in… varying it regularly so people can’t track me down to the minute.”

“Good plan,” James told him. “Do you have contingencies?”

There was a beat of silence.

“Well, the babysitting protocol is turned off.”

Tony shook his head.

“But Karen stays in regular touch with Friday…”

Tony nodded.

“…so one contingency is going to be Friday.”

A thumbs up from Tony.

“Which means you will also have us,” Natalia said.

“But,” Steve interjected. “You need a couple of other back up plans. File your route with Friday so she knows where you’re planning to be. Friday can let whoever is on at the Compound also know so they have someone ready to go if necessary. Rhodey or Sam, I would bet. If Sharon is around, she can also help. But that’s back up. What are your contingencies if you get into trouble, in the immediate?”

“Check my angles, make sure I have an escape route. Try not to bite off more than I can chew, alert the police, and then fall back to a defensible position unless there are civilians in immediate danger.”

“Good plan, Pal,” James stated and Natalia exhaled. It was a good plan. “Lead with your head. Don’t be a punk. You’ll be fine.” The last bit he said with a focus on her and Natalia gave him a smile.

Peter laughed. “How do I not be a punk?”

“Don’t be like Steve,” Natalia and Tony answered in one voice.

“Thanks,” Steve said dryly. “I’m not so bad.”

Tilting her head back, she grinned. “No, you’re not and I like your plans, Petya, thank you for telling us.”

“So, you’re okay with me going on patrol?”

Never. But that wasn’t what he needed to hear. “I’m proud of you. You’re thinking and planning. After your patrol tonight, think about what you did, what worked, what didn’t...”

“…and where I can improve. I know.” He blew out a breath. “Okay, I’m going to do homework and find food, I’m starving, but—are you doing okay?”

“I’m good, Petya. They are all looking after me… in fact, they’re about to feed me, too.”

“Good, they better look after you.” He almost sounded surly on that last bit and Tony hid a smile and a laugh behind a cough.

“Go eat, Pal. Check-in so your mom doesn’t worry.” The simplicity of James’ statement hurt and filled her with joy in equal measures.

“I will, I promise. Take care of Mom, and take care of you, too Bucky. I’ll see you guys this weekend, we’re still on for it and May said I could skip the college thing because I promised before she knew about Spider-Man and that she was pretty sure about the MIT thing, too. She just kind of wanted me to stay in the city, so I might sign up to do a tour of NYU.”

Tony shook his head and Natalia caught his gaze. _Let him_ , she mouthed and he nodded with an aggrieved look.

“Sounds like a plan, Pete. I’ll see who we know over there and set it up for you, okay?” Tony made a face and stuck his tongue out at her and she smiled before mouthing _Thank you._

“You wanna go with, Mom?”

She chuckled. “Petya, we’ll talk about it, all right?”

“You could wear one of those face thingies if you don’t want to be noticed.”

Sneaky. She liked it. “I’ll think about it. Now go eat before you starve and we’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay—bye Mom, bye guys.” Then he was gone.

“Thank you, Tony,” she murmured. She’d needed to hear his voice and know he was all right.

“Anytime, Red. Now—are we ready to be dazzled by my culinary skills?”

“If that means fed, then dazzle away,” James said as he pulled the chair out.

As Tony headed to the kitchen to grab the food, Steve crouched next to her and said, “You need anything?”

“No,” she told him, then cupped his cheek. “I have everything I need right now.”

Course, once food hit the table, the debate about whether Tony’s lasagna beat her pizza took up the next hour and meant she had to make pizza the next day so they could make a fair and accurate decision.

She wasn’t complaining, though she didn’t manage to eat a lot, she enjoyed it. When they headed out to resume play in the living room, she sipped her wine and curled up to watch them.

They were far more entertaining than the game… especially when it turned out that James was a natural at a combat game.

She could have told them that.

~~~

Natalia ended up drinking the whole bottle of wine while James took on Steve and Tony in their matches. They were still playing when her phone buzzed.

**Clint:** You awake?

 **Natasha:** Shouldn’t you be with your wife?

 **Clint:** I am with my wife, now I’m checking on my best friend. I can do two things at once. I’m skilled like that.

She smiled a little and rose, empty wine glass in hand to carry it in the kitchen. The guys were completely locked in their combat and it was adorable. They needed the distraction.

**Natasha:** Well, in that case, I’m awake.

The middle finger emoji amused her. Then her phone switched to ringing as he called. She hit answer, then put the phone to her ear. “Ah, I see you wanted to talk, talk to me.”

“Yes, I wanted to talk, talk to you, Smart Ass.” The warmth in his voice was like a hug. “Got a minute?”

A shout from the living room tugged her attention. They’d built the fire up earlier and Liho had returned to supervise the boys. She had been in Natalia’s lap but now sat lengthwise along the back of the sofa, staring at the screen. The lash of her tail suggested she intended to go after something on it.

“Give me five and I’ll make tea and call you back?”

“They fighting or laughing?”

Another shout, this one followed by actual laughter as Tony managed to get a strike on James and Steve pressed the advantage.

“Yes,” she said. “Five minutes.”

“I’ll be here.”

She disconnected the call and fixed a cup of tea as they continued to wage a battle. Tea in one hand and phone in the other, she debated going up or going down. Having not been downstairs, she descended one flight and found a door open to a huge library with plenty of comfortable seats, another fireplace and a window.

This house was full of secrets.

The cloak floated in behind her and she nudged the door closed before finding an overstuffed chair to curl up in. The fireplace lit up, coming on. And a pair of lamps offered a warm glow.

Friday was sucking up.

“Thank you, Friday.”

“You’re welcome, Nat. Should I assume privacy mode for your call?”

“Yes, please.”

Clint answered on the first ring. “Hey, Kid.”

“Hey,” she said before taking a sip of her tea. “Worried I’d forgotten about you?” She hadn’t forgotten that conversation.

“No,” he said slowly. “Just worried about you.”

“I’m… managing.” She wasn’t okay. “I’ll be fine eventually. The guys are taking good care of me and James brought us to this wonderful house in a hill.”

“You like it?” Amusement curved beneath the words.

“I do,” she said. “But you knew I would.”

“Kid, you’d like a shack on a beach in Aruba if your guys were there. It’s not the place.”

It wasn’t.

“Do I get to ask about yours yet?”

“Soon,” he promised. “Figured it out on your own?”

“I’m clever that way.”

He chuckled. “Yes, you are.” He blew out a breath. From the lack of other sounds, she’d guess he was out in the barn.

“Everything okay with you?”

“Yes,” he answered almost too quickly. “Maybe too good? You know what I mean?”

Considering the three men getting along and playing upstairs?

Though he said, “Fuck, Tasha, I’m sorry.”

“No, you don’t have to be sorry, I am just thinking about the fact James, Steve, and Tony seem to have genuinely become friends somewhere along the way. That’s… more than I could have imagined a few months ago when you three burst into Vienna or when we had to leave to meet James at the Chalet in Switzerland.”

“Well, you wanna know what changed, just look in a mirror, Kid.”

She smirked. “You do realize the kid thing works even less now than it did when you dumped it on me the first time?”

“Don’t care. You’re always going to the kid I pulled out and brought in. You can be healthy, wealthy, and wise to everyone else, but you’re my best friend, so I’ll call you Kid if I want.”

“Okay, Old Man, you can call me Kid.”

“Old Man,” he snorted. “Fine, I’ll live with it. I ache some days enough to feel that old.”

It pinched something in her heart when he said that. He and Tony weren’t that far apart in age and they were both getting older.

She was still…

“Anyway,” Clint said, pulling her back to the present. “I called for more than just hearing the sound of your voice.”

“You want a status check.”

“I want…a status check, and I want to know what you’re planning.” It wasn’t a question. She took another sip of tea.

She could deny it. Not that it would do any good. This was Clint.

So, she settled for as much truth as she was willing to admit. “Nothing so specific yet. I’m still… I’m still sorting out the pieces.” What used to cause blinding headaches when she focused on it now hit her with a torrent of Technicolor visuals and complicated emotions.

“Can I help?”

“Eventually,” she said. “At least I remember kicking Rumlow’s ass now. That’s something.”

Clint went quiet. It wasn’t enough. “Tasha… Richardson?”

“I’m not talking about that with you.”

He sighed. “You need to talk to someone. We still need to deal with him.”

“Don’t worry about him,” she advised him. She would take care of Richardson herself. There were several names on her list that were going to go away.

“Yeah, I’ll worry. That was on my watch…”

“Focus on your family, Clint,” she murmured. “Be there for your kids. That’s where you should be.”

“Like I said, I can be here and still have your back. I know there’s going to be shit you aren’t going to want to talk to them about.” Not a question. “You can talk to me.”

There were things she didn’t want him to know either.

Things she’d rather no one knew.

Natalia remained raw, unsettled. There were things she had to do… the ache inside of her expanded and the cloak moved to drape around her as a shiver worked its way up her spine.

“Thank you,” she said rather than tell Clint no, she wouldn’t be telling him. “There’s something you should know…”

“I’m listening.”

“Maria.”

“What about her?”

“The first time I went in the memory machine, she did ask me for a favor and she explained that they didn’t know the side effects or if I’d even remember the experience. She also asked me if I wanted her to tell me after… she offered to do it, to break her orders.” Which was a big thing. For both of them.

“You told her, no, to follow the orders.”

“Yes.”

“Shit,” he said with a sigh. “I don’t know if that absolves her, Kid.”

“I was not a victim in that scenario, Clint.”

“We’ll agree to differ, you may not have been the victim as you perceive them. At the same time… Nat, they had power over you and they exercised it. You wouldn’t have said no even if you wanted to.”

Maybe.

But she couldn’t tell him that Coulson had also been there. “I trusted them.” Maria and Phil were the reasons why. “It may not make it okay in the great scheme of things, but it does change some of it for me.”

“Does it change your feelings on Fury?”

“I have a question for him.”

“You want to ask him about Carter.”

“Yes.”

“He may not tell you the truth.”

“I know. But it’s just another… piece of the puzzle, you know?”

It was quiet and she was alone. They hadn’t given her much of that in the last few days. There had always been people around—Clint, Wanda, Peter, even Stephen, T’Challa, or Shuri before they left and now, the guys were keeping a guarded if careful watch over her.

Hovering without hovering.

“I need to go and do some stuff,” she said.

“Tasha, promise me when you decide to go…you’ll call me? Let me be your backup.”

Not if. When.

“If I do…”

“Tash.”

“You need to be with your family.”

“Kid, you are my family. You and me. I know there are things you’re going to do, I’ve known from the moment you decided you were going to open this Pandora’s box. I’m going with you. So promise me.”

“If I go, “ she said, choosing her words carefully. “I promise I will call.”

“You know that’s not good enough.”

“It’s all I have for you right now.”

“Take care of you, Kid. And I’m here if you need me.”

She smiled. “I know you are… give Laura a kiss from me?”

“I’ll even make sure to add the tongue,” he teased and her smile grew.

“Goodnight, Clint.”

“Night, Kid.”

The call ended and she leaned back in the seat. She didn’t turn off privacy mode as she switched to the browser app and entered William Fitzpatrick’s name and the key details.

She found his obituary again.

She hadn’t read it since that night in Wakanda when everything inside of her shattered. It listed where the service would be held and where he would be buried. She’d told Tony she wasn’t ready to go there and she wasn’t, but she would.

Will deserved something from her after she left him with pain.

He’d died of a cardiac arrest.

Almost eleven months to the day after Mary died.

On April 4th.

Natalia closed her eyes.

It would have been the anniversary of when he’d lost Natalie.

A low sigh escaped her and she tabbed to another browser and pulled up Mary Parker’s obituary. It listed the plane crash that had killed all on board. Engine malfunction. They’d covered up the fact it had been a bombing. The information compartmentalized.

There was a picture of Mary and Richard Parker and Natalia focused on her daughter’s face. She’d never met her. Even if the pair had worked in intelligence, Natalia had never come face to face with her. There was a familiarity around her eyes and in the tilt of her nose.

She was beautiful. In the photo, she focused on her husband but there was a faint quirk to her lips like she knew something he didn’t. What had her sense of humor been like? Had she been able to smile easily? Peter remembered her singing and playing. But there were faces parents could put on for their kids—who had she been?

A chime sounded and Natalia glanced up. “Yes, Friday?”

“Boss, Captain Rogers, and Sergeant Barnes want to know if you need more time to be alone or would you like to join them for a movie. I believe they have grown weary of being unable to defeat Sergeant Barnes.”

Natalia chuckled.

“I’ll be up in a few minutes. Tell them to pick something out…”

“I’ll take care of it.” Then Friday said, “And Nat?”

“Yes?”

“Are you angry with me?”

Setting the phone down, Natalia weighed the question. “No,” she said finally. “I am not pleased with your choice either.”

“I understand. You feel I overstepped.”

“You did overstep.” Cradling her teacup, she angled her head to look at the ceiling as the cloak seemed to relax against her. The chills had also eased. “Friday, you took a choice from me. You took a choice from Tony. Your intentions may have been unimpeachable. You wanted to protect us. I understand that. You have also created new issues that we have to face.”

“If you and Boss didn’t care about each other, I could see that, but you do. You wouldn’t have to change anything…”

“Except, he didn’t ask me to marry him and I didn’t tell him yes.” She wouldn’t have. She wouldn’t marry any of them. Marrying Will had been a choice and it had hurt him in the long run even if it achieved Natalia’s goals. Marriage was… a social construct. She understood and appreciated it for what it was. “A piece of paper that is essentially a legal contract does not a relationship make. It’s not just about Tony or me. It’s about Steve and James. It’s about Peter. It’s about Wanda and our friends. I don’t care how the world sees me as long as it doesn’t hurt any of them. But this choice requires that I behave a certain way in order to keep protecting them. It could have and may yet create unnecessary strain on all of them.”

Friday was silent.

“Then there’s Pepper… she made a sharp call in the heat of the moment, but she made another decision for Tony she shouldn’t have. He might have been distracted, but how long would a five-minute call have really taken?” Though she already knew the answer. “You didn’t ask him nor did Pepper because you knew he would say no.”

More silence.

“So while I am not angry, I need you to examine your logic and your choices. You acted in what you believed were his best interests while acting against his wishes.”

“I wanted to protect you.”

“I know that and I’m sure everyone else does. But speaking from experience… when we make choices to protect others by taking away their choices, we risk doing more harm than good. Either way, it’s done and now you as well as we must face those consequences.”

“I like you and Boss together, Nat. You are good for him and he’s good for you.”

“I care about him, Friday, that still doesn’t make what you did all right.” Lips pursed, Natalia looked at her nearly empty cup of tea and sighed. “We’ll find a way to fix it. All of us. The damage could have been much worse.” Particularly if Steve or James had gotten angry at Tony.

By some small chance, they seemed to have avoided that.

“I will let them know you’ll be a few minutes.”

“Thank you. Resume privacy.”

Once it was quiet again, she picked up the phone and looked at the image of Mary Parker.

“Who were you, Malyshka? Who did you become?”

Tracing her fingers over the image, she sighed.

“I’m sorry, Malyshka. I should have been there for you…somehow.” Maybe if she had, she could have stopped that bombing. Maybe Peter would still have his parents.

Her phone buzzed.

**Peter:** Home. Patrol done. It was pretty quiet. Just one high-speed chase with some car thieves. They had guns, but they were lousy shots. Also—I kind of caught a car. So I’m a little bruised. But I’m safe. Going to shower then bed. Talk to you in the morning.

A tear escaped as she chuckled. Lousy shots.

**Natasha:** Spokoynoy nochi, malen'kiy pauk.

 **Peter** : Spokoynoy nochi, Mom.

The cloak caught one of the tears on her cheek and she glanced at it. “Well, we should go see what they’ve decided we will watch, yes?”

Then the cloak hugged her; there was no other word for it. A couple of more minutes then she’d go up. 


	5. Lean on Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams leave Nat unsettled, but Steve is there for her as they reconnect

**Chapter Five**

_ Lean On Me _

**Natalia/Natasha**

_ “Mama!” Mary toddled toward her then grabbed her hand. “Come.” _

_ Natalia chuckled as Mary tugged her over to the rug where she had her toys laid out. She thrust a doll at Natalia. She wanted Mama to do voices, so Natalia settled on the rug with her and complied. _

_ The dolls worked together to solve the problem of the stuffed horse and the bear. They were still there when Will arrived and he chuckled at the sight of them. _

_ “How are my girls?” he called as he closed the door. _

_ Mary let out a squeal and rushed to her feet to run to him. Happiness lit them both up and Natalia started to clean up the toys rather than stare too long into the brightness. She didn’t want to be burned. _

_ When Will dipped his head for a kiss, she let him draw her into their circle and traced her fingers along Mary’s back. Every moment she stayed, it was just one more moment she would have to pack away and yet she treasured them all. _

_ “I smell something good,” he whispered as he brushed his lips against hers. _

_ “Hmm,” she played along. “Well it can’t be food, I’ve been completely reckless today and decided we would call around the corner for pizza.” _

_ He chuckled. “Pizza sounds good. I can go do that.” Then he glanced at Mary who was hugging him tightly. He hadn’t even gotten off his suit jacket yet. “Want to go with me, Princess? Let Mama have some time to herself?” He stroked his thumb against her cheek. “Want to pour yourself a glass of wine and then take a bath? It’ll take them at least a half-hour or more before the pizza will be ready.” _

_ There was a family place about three blocks over that they both enjoyed. Well, Will had sworn by it. _

_ “I could go for that.” _

_ “Then do it,” Will said, giving her another kiss. “I’ll clean up when we get back and then you can relax. Mary and I will take care of everything, won’t we?” _

_ “Okay, Dada.” _

_ The sun dazzled her as the pair slipped out the door and Natalia sighed. She turned to head up the stairs but caught sight of one of Mary’s sweaters. She should probably have it. Snatching it up, she darted to the door… _

Natalia opened her eyes, one hand stretching out as if to open a door and the fist of grief slammed into her chest so forcefully it pressed all the air out of her. Closing her fingers on air, she pulled her fist back to her lips. The room was dark and James’ deep breaths were regular next to her.

But the ones behind her… Still fisting the grief and the sound clawing at her throat, she turned to where Steve should be.

His spot was empty.

The cloak drifted off of her as she slipped off the bed. She diverted into the bathroom. A quick wash of her face after emptying her bladder didn’t help her take a deeper breath, if anything she was panting, shallower and shallower.

Leaving the bedroom, she glanced down the darkened stairs. There were no lights down there, so she headed up. Steve might have gone for a run or he…

There was a light under the door of his studio.

She put her hand on the knob then paused. He hadn’t woken them, maybe he needed the time. Her dance studio was right there, she could just…

The pain in her chest seemed to squeeze tighter and the cloak hovered closer to her.  __ Blowing out a breath, she knocked once.

“Come in,” he called and she pushed the door open to find him sitting at the drafting table with his sketchpad still dressed in his pajama bottoms only. “Hey…” His smile dimmed as he stood up. “What’s wrong?”

“I need a hug,” she admitted and he met her halfway. When he wrapped his arms around her, she buried her face against his chest and just breathed him in. Cupping his hand against the back of her head, he began to stroke her hair.

“I’m here,” he promised. After scooping her up, he nudged the door closed and then settled on a small love seat she hadn’t noticed tucked into the corner. He rubbed her back in slow circles. Tears burned in her eyes, but she held them off. Barely.

Bit by bit, she could take deeper breaths. Steve didn’t ask her anything, just sat holding her. The steady rhythm of his heart soothed her and she slowed her breathing more, bottling the cutting sting of loss that threatened to strangle her.

“You couldn’t sleep?” she asked finally.

“No,” he said. “I think I was too wired from playing earlier. I slept for a while but kept waking up. Didn’t want to bother you or Buck, so I came up here to check out the new art space.”

“What do you think?”

“Hmm, I like it.” He brushed a kiss to her temple and his beard tickled a little. “Probably need to organize it a little. See where the best light is—move that easel over and maybe put a small bed or lounger over there in the other corner.”

“Thinking about getting lucky while you’re up here?”

The question pulled a soft laugh out of him. “Maybe,” he teased. “Though I was thinking of persuading you to pose and I’d want you to be comfortable.”

“I can do that,” she said. “I like posing for you.”

“Yeah?”

“I seem to recall posing for some lovely sketches that apparently you turned into this exquisite painting.”

“Ahh, well, when my subject is a work of art, the only difficult part is doing her justice.”

A work of art.

The pain flashed through her and she closed her eyes and rubbed her cheek against him.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Pushing the words around the lump in her throat, she said, “I don’t know if I can yet. Tell me more about what you want to do in here?”

“Okay. Well, like I said, a bed over in that corner and some pillows. It’s got good heating up here, but I’d probably look at adding a space heater. I wouldn’t want you to ever get too cold.”

A smile curved her lips.

“The drafting table is good for working out sketches, but I can also sit here. But the painting is going to take up a lot of space and there’s even storage for the canvases afterward.”

“Why would they be in storage? You should hang them.”

“Well, not all of them,” he said. “Maybe one or two. You know…Tony asked me to do that gallery showing for the Maria Stark Foundation, to raise money.”

“Going to put me in it?” She tilted her head back.

“Maybe,” he whispered. “Not sure I want to share any more of you with the world, Angel. It’s already taken too many chunks out of you.” Steve met her gaze, his eyes soft and quiet.

“Then you’re going to need a new subject to paint,” she said. “If you have to put together a gallery showing.”

“I have some ideas,” he said slowly, then stroked his fingers down her cheek. “Can you keep a secret?”

There was the barest hint of teasing in his eyes and she smiled despite the ever-present ache. “I can do anything for you.” And would.

When he nudged her chin up a little, she leaned into the first, proper kiss of the day. It was a gentle massage of his lips on hers, asking for nothing and offering everything. “I know,” he whispered as he leaned back a fraction. “The feeling is mutual, just so you’re aware.”

“I had gotten that impression,” she answered and the corners of his mouth pulled into a wider smile.

“Good.” Another kiss, then he stood and carried her over to the drafting table.

“I can also walk,” she pointed out as he settled on the stool and kept her in his lap.

“I had gotten that impression,” he parroted back at her and she chuckled as he tapped the desk next to the sketchpad before flipping it back a page.

“Oh.” All of her teasing evaporated and she leaned forward. It was a sketch of Tony in a suit standing like he was addressing a crowd. Just behind him was the Iron Man armor, like it was hovering in the air and to the side was another image of him, face dirty, goggles on his head wearing a smirk like they’d just caught him in the lab.

Steve waited a beat, then flipped the page. This one was Clint. He was in his SHIELD uniform in the center, sunglasses in place and not a smile in evidence. Behind him, bow drawn he focused somewhere off the canvas, but she recognized that look. He had a target in his sights. There was another one, a smaller one of Clint in jeans and a plaid shirt over a dark t-shirt, his face relaxed and a real smile on it. It was Clint on the farm, no one else would know that, but they would.

“Steve…” She exhaled.

“Hang on,” he whispered, nuzzling a kiss to her ear. “There’s more.”

There were more.

Sam in his dress blues, saluting while behind him, he rose as the Falcon and in another, smaller image he sat in a metal chair leaning forward, his expression open and empathetic. Sam conducting a support meeting, it fit with the other images of him.

Rhodey was in the next one. He sat in a wheelchair in the corner shot, but he was in the War Machine armor, ascending in the background, but smack in the middle was Rhodey in his dress blues though he wasn’t saluting. There was a patient if amused expression on his face. Probably a reaction to something Tony did.

They were marvelous.

The ones of Wanda were stunning. She looked so magical in the center, hands and eyes glowing, but it was the smaller picture in the corner, hair pulled up into a ponytail with a book open in front of her that made Natalia smile. Steve had captured the girl’s innocence, which was still a part of her despite all the darkness she’d seen.

He traced his thumb against her thigh as he flipped to the next one and her heart squeezed.

James.

The three faces of him—Bucky from the war, the Soldier Natalia had fallen in love with and James, an open smile on his face, though his eyes held that hint of a guard and he looked to be mid-laugh. 

It was… “It’s beautiful.” He was beautiful.

“Well, it’s not done…not sure I could show this one.”

“I want it,” she whispered. “If you do this one, I want it.”

He smiled. “Yes, ma’am.”

Giving him a gentle elbow, she tilted her face up and nuzzled her nose to his beard, feeling his sigh more than hearing it.

“One more,” he said with a squeeze to her hip. “I was working on this one when you came up.”

It was Peter.

“Wouldn’t be able to use this for the show… but I thought…”

The fist in her chest opened then clenched again. Peter in street clothes with his hand up like he was explaining something. In the center, Spider-Man leaping or maybe flying from a web as his legs were up and arched his whole body in motion and the last one, his back half-turned, a shy smile on his face and his hair a mess, dressed in his Spider-Man suit with the mask off.

“I thought his mom might like this.” The careful phrasing sparked tears as she smiled. With careful fingers, she traced the air over the drawing.

“You’re getting really good at this.”

“Practice,” he answered, rubbing his cheek to her hair. “What do you think?”

“I think they’re exquisite.” Glancing up, she asked, “Do you do self-portraits?”

He chuckled. “No, not sure anyone would want to see this of me…”

“I would.” Twisting, she cupped his face and met his gaze. “All of you. Steve before the war. When you first put on the uniform. Then here…maybe riding your bike.” She stroked her fingers through his beard. “Though maybe one of them could be with the beard, too.”

“Angel…”

“You’re beautiful, too, Steve. All of you. Remember that, hmm?”

His eyes gentled. “I’m glad you think so. Sometimes I’m happy that you never met skinny me.”

“I’m not, I think I would have liked you—with or without the serum. The serum isn’t what makes you, you, Steve.”

His ears tipped red as she carded her fingers through his hair. It had gotten longer again, a little shaggier. He’d cleaned up his beard in the last day or two, but he probably needed a haircut. She could do that.

“Angel, you wouldn’t have looked at me twice.”

With an indelicate snort, she flicked his nose and he blinked. “Don’t insult us that way. You or me. Kindness is its own beauty, Steve. Infinitely rare and far more precious. Besides,” she added dryly. “I have it on good authority you were a little punk and very much like me when I was younger. We would have been terrors together.”

A real laugh rumbled out of him. “I like the thought of that.”

She did, too. “So, consider a self-portrait?”

“I’ll see what I can do,” he offered then pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Feel a little better?”

“Yes,” she said. “Some.”

“Bad dream?” Concern filled his eyes.

“The dreams were lovely… it’s the waking up I resented.” The admission deepened the worry in his eyes. “I was…”

He didn’t push, just rubbed his thumbs against her lower back, moving them up and down along her spine. The stubborn muscles so taut there. 

“Mary,” she admitted. “Mary and Will—they were…it was just a day we had... a moment really and then they went off to get pizza while I took a bath, but Mary didn’t have her sweater and when I went to go after them…”

“You woke up.” His sigh was everything, it held all of the regret and longing she couldn’t seem to escape. “I wasn’t there. Why didn’t you wake Buck?”

“I wanted to know you were all right,” she admitted. “James was sleeping and he’s…he’s had so much trouble lately.” Neither of them brought up the day before. “I know he’s trying to carry a lot of this for me.”

“We told you to lean on us,” he reminded her, a gentle reprimand. “He would have been fine if you woke him up.”

“I wanted him to sleep and if you weren’t then…”

“Then you could get what you needed,” he said, the corner of his mouth turning up. “I’m glad you came and found me. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“You can’t, none of us can really, be there all the time. I didn’t even know what I needed until I needed it and even then it’s not always easy to identify.” Petting his shoulders gently, she savored the heat rolling off his skin. The room wasn’t exactly roasting, but this close she could bask in his warmth. “And we haven’t really talked about Will.”

“You loved him?” No judgment lived in that question.

“Maybe. I definitely cared. He was a good man. And I… I took his life.”

Steve’s eyebrows raised. “You gave him a daughter. Someone he clearly loved.”

Of course, they’d looked him up.

“Yeah,” Steve said as though answering her unspoken question. “Buck looked him up and I saw a couple of photos. There’s a really nice one of him and Mary, they obviously cared about each other.”

“All he wanted was a family…and I played him, Steve. I played him to fall for me. The whole time I knew what I was going to do, that I was going to leave and I did it.”

“To protect Mary. Angel, what you did—you did for the  _ right _ reasons. You had to protect her. Maybe it hurt him and for that I’m sorry. Losing you? Yeah, it would hurt like hell. But if I had your child to look after? I’d make it count. Just on the surface? He seems the same way.”

“It’s weird,” she admitted.

“What’s weird?” He tucked a long lock of her hair behind an ear.

“A couple of weeks ago…I didn’t know his name. I didn’t know he existed and now…”

“Now you’re grieving because he did and you cared.” Sympathy filled his voice. “You’re grieving both of them.”

“Pretty selfish of me and I can’t imagine how it makes the rest of you feel. James says he’s not angry but…”

“No,” he said firmly. “It’s not selfish.”

When he wrapped her tight and pulled her close, she wound her arms around his neck.

“Angel, you have had a lot happen in the last few months, but none of that can really compare to the last two weeks. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Bucky loves you. He feels for you because you’re hurting. I promise you, he doesn’t resent you choosing this guy and I don’t either. You had to do what was best for her and for you. I could never resent you for that. I wish I could take on this pain for you. For both of you.”

“You put up with so much,” she said with a sigh.

He fisted her hair, then gave it a gentle tug, pulling her back so they could lock gazes. “When you’re feeling better, that’s at least five.”

The declaration pulled a laugh from her.

“I love you. I want you to be happy. I want to take care of you. I want to be there for you. There is no  _ putting up _ with anything.” His fierce expression demanded she pay attention. “I don’t know if you remember what I said to you the night of the Christmas party before it all went so wrong. But in the interests of making sure you understand me…you don’t belong to me. You’re mine, but you’re not only mine. Bucky loves you and you’re his. You belong to the team, you belong to your family and you even belong to Tony. Most of all, you belong to yourself. But the difference is, we all belong to you. Will? He was yours. You’re allowed to mourn him and to feel what you’re feeling, I wish…” He paused, for a moment, his eyes seeming to sheen over with unshed tears. “It’s like Peggy.”

The thickness of emotion in his voice dragged at her.

“I loved her. I still love her, that’s not going to change. Losing her, hurt. Even… even if I had lost her before. Even if I kept losing her as her mind kept slipping away. You just lost Will again, hot on the heels of losing him the first time. It’s fresh and it hurts. I’m not upset that you cared about him. I’m glad you found someone you  _ could _ care about. Someone who wanted to take care of you and of Mary. Someone who… could love you the way you should be loved.”

“You’re going to make me cry again,” she said, swallowing back that lump.

“I’m not sorry. You’re raw and feeling all of this has to be overwhelming and if crying helps, I’m not going to melt.” But his expression grew more solemn. “I don’t want you to feel alone, you’re not alone. You never have to be alone again.”

“I know that you’re all here. Clint calls and checks on me. Peter messages. Even Friday and Liho…” She glanced over at the door. “And Cloaky.” The cloak had been quiet this whole time and it hung there, just levitating in the air like it was patiently waiting for when they would need him next.

“Good,” Steve said loosening his hand in her hair before combing his fingers through it. 

“You and James talked yesterday?”

“In the gym? Yeah, Angel, we did. He’s doing all right. I think he’s more worried about you than himself.”

“He does that.” Her Soldier had always done that.

“I got ‘im, don’t worry,” he promised.

Lips pursed, she studied him. “And the wedding thing? Marriage thing?”

Steve huffed out a sigh. “How do  _ you _ feel about it? You haven’t said much since Tony told you.”

She glanced at the drafting table, then at him. “Back to the love seat? That stool can’t be comfortable.”

When he stood, he slid a hand under her ass to brace her and she hitched her thighs to his hips to stay in place. “How about some coffee, too? Buck put a coffee maker in here.”

“Okay.”

A kiss and then he set her on the loveseat. “So, now that you’ve deflected and distracted, you up for telling me how you feel about it?”

Curling her legs, she propped her elbow on the arm of the love seat and settled her chin against her fist. “I don’t know, to be honest. I kissed Tony yesterday morning.”

Steve didn’t miss a beat as he pulled water from the sink in the bathroom and filled the reservoir. “Tony told me.”

That surprised her. “Sorry you had to hear it from him.”

“No,” he said. “It’s all right, actually. We had a long talk yesterday while you were napping. He’s crazy about you and he doesn’t want there to be real issues. And to be perfectly honest, Angel, it kind of looked like you two were close when we got up there. But thank you for telling me.”

Natalia sighed. “I like that you two seem to have become friends again.”

“Well, Tony and I talked about that too…we talked about it back in Switzerland that we were never really friends.” Steve glanced over at her as he flicked the machine on to brew, then leaned against the desk and folded his arms. “We both made a lot of assumptions about each other. Hard to live up to an assumption. We both made mistakes… But we’ve been working on it. He seems to have forgiven me for being human and for what I did in Siberia.”

Lowering her hand, she studied Steve as he lifted his shoulders.

“We can’t undo the past, Angel. We’ve all made our share of bad calls. The only thing we can really do now and have done is start over. He’s…Tony. He’s not just Iron Man or Howard’s son or even just Mr. Stark. He’s a complicated guy who’s intensely loyal. He’ll spread himself too thin and he thinks he has to fix the world’s problems. The one thing he really wants and cares about, the one person? That’s you. So I get that.”

“He cares about you. He cares about the team, too.”

“I know he does. I know I’ve been a possessive jerk. I wanted to blame him for not giving up, for continuing to pursue you. I wanted to blame it on what he can offer you.” He raised his hand. “And I know it’s not the money, Angel. There are times when you and Tony are in your own world. You get him on a level most of us don’t. You can keep up with him, too. You push him and challenge him.”

The coffee finished and he filled a mug for her, then slid the pot back in before carrying it over.

“No coffee for you?”

“I’m good,” Steve promised as he settled on the love seat and lifted her over to curl into his lap without spilling a drop of her coffee. “I’ve got everything I need right here.”

“Steve,” she said quietly. “I love you.”

Thumb tracing against her hip, he smiled, “I know you do. I count myself one of the luckiest men alive every day. Like I said, I  _ was _ a possessive jerk. You loving Bucky doesn’t take a damn thing away from me. Nor does you loving Tony. You are…a remarkable woman and you’ve lived a very lonely life, I want you to have all the love we can give you. But Tony’s not allowed to hurt you. No one is. I’m over that. People come after you or abuse you again…no they don’t get any more chances to do that. Just be clear on that. They come for you and I’m not holding back. I can be reasonable on a lot of things, but not on that.”

When she would have opened her mouth to say something, he pressed his finger to her lips.

“Partners,” he reminded her and that fist around her heart loosened. “That’s what it means to be partners. I have your back, Angel. We’re okay, you and me. We’re more than okay. I meant it when I said whatever you need.”

Nipping his fingertip, she asked, “What do you need? I mean really. Don’t just say me. Because you’ve been through hell the last few weeks.”

“I need you whole and your heart to heal. I need Bucky back in my life. I need this friendship with Tony to work and I need to be there to help you with Pete and anything else. Beyond that… I have what I need, Angel.”

She took a swallow of coffee, then glanced at his studio before looking back at him. “You remember when I said you were perfect?”

His ears tipped red. “Nobody’s perfect.”

“I think you get pretty close, Rogers. Just saying…”

“Thank you,” he said, with a smile. “You feeling a little better?”

“I can breathe,” she admitted. “It keeps coming in waves. Just when I think it can’t hurt anymore, it hurts again. I can’t seem to compartmentalize it. I think I broke something in me.”

Head tilted, he stilled. “What do you mean?”

“This will sound insane, though I freely admit we’ve dealt with crazier things. But… I talked to myself in there.” She glanced at him from beneath her lashes, gauging his response.

“To yourself?”

“Natasha spoke to Natalia.”

He exhaled slowly. “Okay.”

“Natalia kept Mary hidden, barricaded away. Those memories…I couldn’t let them go. When I left, I knew what might happen. It was why I made the choices I did in case I had to stay. They could not be allowed to have her. The best way to make her safe was to forget her, but you can’t just forget because you want to.”

“You have to put it away.” It wasn’t a question.

“I’ve always compartmentalized my life, my pain, so that’s where I hid it. To touch it, I had to go through all of it again. It was safe there, Mary was safe in a place walled off by darkness and blood and savage lessons. The Red Room had to be good for something.” Not even the small attempt at humor pulled a smile from him.

“So you did relive it all?” His gaze was laser-focused on her. Natasha wanted to deflect again, distract him and make him smile. It was how she protected Steve. But Natalia understood that need in her reflected back in Steve’s eyes. He wanted to protect her but he didn’t know how. Not yet.

He had a remarkable learning curve. She could tell him she didn’t want to talk about it. She could just not answer at all.

Or she could be honest.

With him and herself.

“Yes,” she said, simply. “Every moment… every piece of my life. I remember. Some things with even more clarity than I did before. The locked memories are there and open. I remember when James told me about you. I remember calling myself Natalie Rogers. I remember graduation. I remember…missions when they would send James away or when they took Alexei and Leonid out of cold storage. When I had to train them again and work with them.”

Steve’s eyes narrowed.

“I remember the things I didn’t tell James.” That was a hard admission to make. “I remember it all. I had to go through the pain to find her. She was there—her and Will. And I’d live through it all again if I had to.” The pain didn’t frighten her even if she could never escape it. 

Blowing out a breath, she said, “I remember Natalia and I remember Natasha. I’m not sure how I am both of us and me. Like I said… crazy.” She took another sip of the coffee.

“No, Angel, not crazy. Not even a little bit. You’re you—I think Buck was right when he told me Natalia and Natasha weren’t so different.”

“Doesn’t feel that way in here.” Natasha could admit that even if Natalia would only roll her eyes. “It’s like being two people at once. It gives me distance and at the same time, everything feels too close. I don’t even know if I’m making sense to me.”

“That’s what you’re figuring out and you don’t have to decide anything today, but thank you for talking to me about it.”

The fact he’d thank her for being open told her she needed to be more open and accessible. “I’m trying,” she admitted. “I want to protect all of you.”

“I know you do, just like we want to protect you.”

“Partners,” she said and he nodded.

“Not always easy,” he agreed. “But infinitely worth it.”

She couldn’t really argue with that. “I like being your partner,” she admitted. “When I think back to when I first met you—again on the carrier—I couldn’t imagine that we would have anything in common. You were not like other people.”

With a soft laugh, he teased his thumb under the hem of her tank top and over the scar on her abdomen. It had flattened some but it was still there and he drew circles around it. “Right back atcha, Romanoff. You know, talking to the ladies is not something I’ve always been that good at.”

“No, really?” The corners of her mouth twitched.

“Apparently,” he said with an almost wry smile. “I would get tongue-tied. Especially when a beautiful dame was involved.”

“Hmm, I’d never have noticed. I didn’t try to Cyrano you through any dates or anything.”

The lightest of smacks against her hip made her smile wider.

“You enjoyed fixing me up far too much.”

“It was a challenge,” she countered. “I didn’t know what you liked. Then you took out that guy when I threw him at you randomly.”

He snorted. “I wanted you to give it a rest. Thought that might shut you up. It worked… for a few days.” Then he sobered. “You know, I know you went after him. When you found out he was Hydra, too.”

A careless shrug. “Loose thread. Wasn’t leaving him to dangle or be used against you.” She’d fixed him up with that bastard. “I’m the one who opened that door. I took care of closing it.”

His eyes darkened a little and his pupils flared. “You have any idea how sexy you are when you get all fierce and protective?”

“No,” she deadpanned. “Are you trying to tell me something?”

Hooking a finger through the chain of his dog tags, he tugged her a little closer and rescued the nearly empty coffee cup from her hand. He must have set it down because a moment later, he had his hand in her hair as he closed the distance and captured her lips. Natalia sighed as she sank into the kiss.

It seemed ages since the last time they kissed and she savored the sharp demand of his tongue sweeping against hers as he shifted her on his lap. Straddling him, she pressed her knees onto either side of his thighs. The scrape of her nipples against his chest through her shirt sent a zing through her system.

He nipped at her lower lip, then laved his tongue over it before canting her head and deepening the kiss. Hands on his shoulders, she stroked over his hot skin and groaned when he slid his hands under her tank top. Not breaking the kiss, he barely let her catch a breath before the fabric ripped.

Predictable and yet it made her laugh as he flung it away and then her breasts were smashed against him as he roamed his hands over her back and down to her hips. The slow grind and roll of her hips pressed her against his thickening erection. The shadows chased away as she drowned in his kiss. No cold. No loneliness. 

Breath coming in sharp pants, Steve whispered against her mouth. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I do,” she promised. The seam on her pants gave way as he tore them and she laughed into his mouth.

“Sorry,” he muttered, sucking on her lower lip.

“No you’re not,” she challenged, biting him gently before stroking his lower lip with swift, kittenish licks that had him vibrating with a moan. What was left of her pants vanished and the air was cool against her, but she didn’t care because he stroked his hands over her ass. The scrap of her panties were absolutely no match for him.

“No,” he agreed. “I’m not.” Then he squeezed her ass as he lifted her and she rose up on her knees. They broke from the kiss as she pulled the drawstring on his pajama bottoms to loosen them. “But I mean it…” He stared up at her, pupils blown. “You can talk to me about all of it. Tony. The marriage. The past. Whatever.”

Hand halfway in his pants, she stroked his cock once and raised her eyebrows as he shuddered. “Do you really want to talk about that right now?”

“No,” he admitted and tugged her forward to lock his hot mouth over her nipple and her body arched against the hard suction followed by the lap of his tongue. Head tilted back, she wrapped her fingers around his length and stroked him twice before Steve kissed a path to her neglected nipple and gave it the same treatment.

Tugging his pants, she let out an explosive breath as he sucked her nipple to his teeth. The faint scrape of them sent a wave of liquid heat spiraling through her. Freeing his cock, she teased her finger over the tip. A rumble escaped his throat and he bit down lightly on the curve of her breast and sucked.

He spread one of his hands along her rib cage, the other sliding up her back to her nape. It was like a dance and the moment he clasped her nape, he lifted his head and she sank down to meet his kiss even as she positioned him so she could take him in all at once. The thrust left him gasping and she smiled against his mouth.

“Hello,” she whispered. “I’ve missed you.”

His answering groan was all the warning she needed to meet his upward thrust as he fisted her hair and she gripped his face. His beard was so soft under palms and she reveled in every stroke of his tongue as she began to rotate her hips to increase the friction. Every downward stroke he met with a thrust of his pelvis. The stroke of him inside lit her up and she kept rolling her hips, shifting the angles as she flexed around him.

Little gasps punctuated his kisses as he dropped his hands to her hips and began to increase the pace. The additional force and angle had him nailing her sweet spot and she dropped her hands to his shoulders to keep the swivel and twist going because Steve’s whole body seemed to shudder with every connection. She drank in every reaction, savoring his responses.

The orgasm swept through her a split-second before his hips began to stutter and he slammed home with a shout against her mouth. The warmth blooming inside of her as he came and released a laugh. She sank into his kiss as he tugged her closer. Then it was slower movements, his hands stroking her back as she teased her fingers along his scalp. Neither of them moved as she rested against him, warm through and through.

The rapid pace of her heart began to calm as did his. When she kissed lazily toward his throat and then sucked a biting kiss there, Steve chuckled. “Marking your territory?” The lazy question made her smile.

“If you want to call it that,” she answered before laving her tongue over the small bruise she’d made. “I’d have to do this every day if I wanted it to stick.”

“Hmm.” His eyes were half-closed and his body relaxed as he leaned back and she indulged herself in studying him. “You will not hear me complain.”

“Well, if you ever have a complaint…” She nuzzled the corner of his mouth and then worked her way to his ear. With her tongue, she traced a whorl and smiled at his shudder and the flex of his fingers on her back as he pressed her closer. “Just say the word, I believe in addressing all feedback personally.”

“Good to know,” he said, chuckling. Then he rubbed her ass gently. “I look forward to exploring all options with you.”

The languid relaxation in her system shivered at the promise in those words. She sucked on his earlobe gently and then lifted her head to smile at him. “Me, too. I believe silk ropes were involved somewhere.”

She swore he went from half-hard and still tucked inside of her to stiff in the space of one heartbeat.

“Among other things,” he confirmed, then raised his eyebrows as he massaged one cheek of her ass. “Five?”

“Could be eight.”

“Could be ten. I might have lost count,” he whispered. “We could start over.”

“I like ten,” she admitted, then flexed around him as she clenched her glutes.

“Ten?” That held far more of a question than a tease.

“Yes,” she whispered. “Please.” She wanted her focus right here. Grounded. With him.

The massage of his hand deepened as he squeezed the cheek, then spread out in little circles. The first sharp slap sent a wave of heat through her system and she closed her eyes.

“Eyes open,” he said and it wasn’t a request. She lifted her lashes and met his gaze steadily. He studied her. Deep affection swept through her. He wanted to know she was okay. “What’s the word?”

“Stop,” she whispered.

“Then count them for me, Angel.” The second slap stung far more than the first and she clenched around his cock, pulling a hiss from him.

“Two.”

By the time she got to six, she was torn between crying and laughing. The wild mix of emotions punctuated every breath as he took his time, massaging away the sting and only leaving the heat.

The last four came in rapid succession, too swift and she missed a count not quite keeping up with him. His smile told her he’d caught it too. The singular joy in his grin captivated her as he surged to his feet. When he pulled out of her, she let out a whimper.

“Shh,” he whispered, nuzzling another kiss before he put her on her shaky legs and turned her so she faced the wall. Then he put her hands against it, bracing her as he nudged her feet apart. “Got it?” The whisper against her ear sent a thrill through her.

She nodded. “Yes, soltnce moya.”

That got her head tilted back and a very sound kiss that left her sighing again. Then he released her as he skated his hands down her back and knelt. He pressed a kiss to one flaming cheek and then the other. The heat unfurled in her erasing all of the tension. Aware of his every movement and anticipating each next step kept her still.

“You missed one,” he said, before nuzzling his face between her thighs. The softness of his beard tickled as he licked at her. It took everything she had not to press back at the tongue stroking along her labia. He nudged her thighs farther apart, then twisted until he could lick her from entrance to clit and her mind fragmented under the sensual assault.

When James told Steve she loved the feel of his beard on her, he hadn’t been wrong. Even more, she loved how Steve took his time. That night in Niagara, he’d studied her every reaction with the kind of intensity he took onto a battlefield. He’d stroked, sucked, teased, and thrust until he knew what would make her thighs quiver and how to get her to let out breathless cries.

She hovered right at the edge of orgasm when he pulled away and stared up at her. His pupils were blown and she couldn’t imagine hers were much better. His beard glistened and she groaned as he licked his lips.

“So as I was saying,” he murmured, sliding out from between her legs and she almost chuckled at the harsh, husky notes in his voice. “You missed one.” He was at her back, all hot heat and radiating strength. The slap against her ass was a startling counterpoint to the pleasure twisting like a wire through her.

So intense was the combination she barely gasped out, “eleven,” before he slid back into her and he pushed her right over the edge with the second thrust. The added sensation of his hips bumping her sore ass added to the pleasure his cock dragged out of her and then she was fighting to stay on her feet as she rocked back to meet him and his hands were on her breasts and his mouth on her shoulder.

She had no idea when the second orgasm hit, but she rode it right into a third before he came again and then she was sagging, shaking from head to toe. As he backed up to sit on the loveseat, he took her with him and she didn’t care about the sting or faint burn as she laid back against his chest, her head on his shoulder.

They panted together as the world narrowed to just the two of them in his studio. Outside, it was still dark and the faint scent of coffee teased her as he spread his hand lazily over her abdomen. Her thighs sprawled open over his and his softening cock nestled against her sore ass.

It was perfect and a laugh bubbled up through her. Steve caught her eye and she giggled harder.

“Do I want to know?”

“Oh, Solntce moya, don’t you know how much I love a good sunrise?”

It took him a beat, but his groan punctuated laughter as he hugged her to him.

“That,” he told her when the giggles passed, “is definitely the start of your next one.”

She grinned.

Worth it.

“Steve?”

“Hmm?”

“I like leaning on you.”

He pressed a kiss to her shoulder. “Me, too.”

They lingered there, no words needed and she didn’t doze so much as just float. The feeling was what she’d wanted. A little distance from all the distress and discord.

“If you want to see the actual sunrise, I suppose we could make more coffee and get some warmer clothes on,” Steve suggested.

“Or clothes of any kind since all of mine appear to have come apart at the seams.”

His chuckle vibrated through her. “You were wearing too many.”

“That does seem to be a common theme.”

“Hopefully you weren’t too fond of those,” Steve mused, tangling his fingers in the dog tags.

“I have more. I wouldn’t want to take away one of your favorite activities.”

“Hmm,” he said. “Maybe next time you wear something with easier access.”

Natalia’s eyebrows lifted and she twisted to glance up at him. “Steve Rogers, do you want me to get kink gear?”

The corner of his mouth curved. “You only live once and we did put curious on some of those boxes.”

He wanted her in kink gear.

Laughter swelled through her. “Anything you want, solntce moya.”

“Oh, I have lots of ideas,” he whispered, covering her breasts with his hands. “Including some very specific items I need for this room.”

“Hmm.” She smiled. “Tell me more?”

“I want to surprise you,” he admitted, massaging her breasts and if she weren’t already a puddle of boneless muscle, she might start clenching her sore ass against his cock.

Oh, who was she kidding?

He chuckled. “Round three?”

Natalia tilted her head to the side, then eased off of him to stand. The fact her legs were still shaking didn’t go unnoticed by either of them.

“I’m thinking shower sex.”

“I like how you think.”

Moving on her quaking legs she reached for the door and then glanced down at her torn clothes. “I think I’ll leave those as your souvenirs.” Then she winked before crooking her finger. “I’ll be the redhead under the hot water when you get there.”

He scrambled up and somewhere along the way, he’d stripped his pajama bottoms all the way off and she grinned at the view.

“Nat, you’re…” Before he could finish the sentence, Cloaky wrapped around her and he chuckled.

Down the stairs, she went and the door to Tony’s room opened as she drifted past. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and then another to his lips. The tickle of his goatee just added to her enjoyment. “Morning, moy umnyy, going to shower then see the sunrise if you want to join us on the deck.” Then she drifted on before he could do more than gape for a moment.

“Damn Red? The cloak is giving me fantasies.”

She just made it to the door of her room when Tony let out a groan.

“Dammit, there went those fantasies. Rogers, what did I tell you about your naked ass?”

Steve’s laughter just made her grin so hard her face hurt.

“Then don’t look, Tony. I’d stay and chat, but I have a shower to get to.”

“Mean,” Tony called after them. “Cruel and unusual.” And after a beat. “Yes, I’ll make the coffee, because I’m awesome.”

“Thank you, Tony,” Natalia said then blew him another kiss before she slipped into the room. James lay with his eyes open and a smirk on his face as Cloaky whisked off of her. “Thank you,” she told it, and it patted her cheek.

When Steve followed her, James started laughing.

“Shower?” She invited, buoying higher and he grinned.

Round three was so worth it.

Even if she did end up with five more swats and her ass aching nearly as much as her cunt.

So. Worth. It. 


	6. White Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marriage discussions and trigger words are what's for breakfast

**Chapter Six**

White Wedding

**Natalia/Natasha**

“We need to build you an observatory or figure out which room has the best view,” Tony said as they stood on the deck watching the sun unribbon over the trees in the distance. The cloud cover added to the dazzling array of reds and oranges, deepening them. Friday had warned another storm was blowing down from the north. The arctic blast would probably dump another couple of feet of snow on the tri-state area to the south.

That led—predictably—to a conversation about the power in the city and whether the hospitals would be overtaxed again. Natalia made a mental note to check in with Peter’s aunt. If May spent another few days on shift, she wanted to make sure Peter would be fine. The kids had already missed a few days of school for snow.

“I don’t need an observatory,” Natalia said as she blew out a breath before taking a sip of the coffee. She recognized the blend. Tony had snuck his coffee into the house. Or maybe he just had it added to the delivery of supplies. “This is fine. But if you’re cold, you can go back inside.”

Though she doubted he was that cold. The deck was warm beneath their feet and dry. The pair of Iron Legion offered radiating heat. It was almost balmy even if she could see her breath.

“Russians,” was Tony’s only comment and Steve chuckled.

“Da,” she murmured. “And you like me, so stop complaining.”

His snort made her grin. James wrapped an arm around her and she leaned back against him. “We should talk today,” he said, spreading his hand over her abdomen.

“We talk every day,” she quipped.

Holding his thumb and forefinger together, Tony said, “You beat me by this much, Red.”

She winked.

“Buck’s right, we do need to talk. Lots of things to go over if you’re up for it.” They were both right, yet the fact Steve pushed for a debrief added some gravity to it. He’d listened to her earlier as she told him she remembered—and had re-lived—all of it.

“I’m up for it,” she assured them. Even if she wasn’t, it needed to be done. “I’ll write them down while we make breakfast and you can test it afterward.”

“I don’t think they meant the trigger words, Red,” Tony said carefully. “Yes, we need to go over those, too. Figure out how to get them out of your head if they are still active.”

“It’s fine.” Natalia tracked his worried gaze. “It will be fine. Until we sort it out, I’m on lockdown. If we’re going to do some work this morning, then we go back to our relaxing time this afternoon. You’re already breaking the rules you established.”

“Unfortunately,” Steve admitted. “There are some we have to break.”

“But in a while,” James continued. “The light’s changing.”

Natalia fixed on the way the sun pushed upward. Granted, it was the planet that moved and not the sun, yet there was something inescapably wondrous about how the light crawled up from the darkness and began to supplant it.

“When I was much younger,” she said quietly. “And after I learned to pick locks, I would sneak up to the attic where I could see the farthest and watch the sunrise before I went down to dance. But in the winter… I would have danced, done a training module, and have to find time in between to catch it. It didn’t rise until after eight.”

Those memories trickled through her. They hadn’t been regained so much as sharpened.

“It wasn’t always easy,” she admitted. “Then I made it a personal challenge.” A matter of survival. “There are worse ways to watch a sunrise than to stand on a heated deck with your Legion keeping us warm and having people around who care enough to come up here and watch it with me.”

James pressed a kiss behind her ear. “I remember when you would sneak out on the roof to watch it.”

She grinned. “That’s because I would go out your window and you didn’t like the fact I would swing up and away.”

“I didn’t like the fact it wasn’t in the best repair. There were so many places it leaked,” he argued.

“Well, that, too. Decadent westerners, expecting everything to be in one piece and functional.”

That got her a chorus of yesses from all three and she chuckled. Even as the sky grew lighter, it illustrated Friday’s point of the heavier clouds, the gray a vicious bruise against the cut of the light. In spring, they would need to add chairs up here and benches.

Maybe a rocker.

The fist around her heart closed and dug its fingers into the muscle. Cloaky squeezed her, bundling her securely.

The tension must have translated because James tightened his arm around her. When he pressed his cheek to the side of her head, she shuddered and fought to contain the reaction. James must have passed off his coffee because he wrapped his other arm across her chest. The floating from earlier dissipated fully as she fought against the vise in her chest.

No one spoke and she didn’t look at any of them, her gaze remained fixed on the sunrise. When the first truly dazzling ray blinded her from over the trees some of the tension bled out and she exhaled a shaky breath and closed her eyes.

“Food,” Tony suggested.

“Good plan,” Steve agreed. They didn’t push, they didn’t ask, and they didn’t demand.

“Okay?” was the only thing James inquired. When she nodded, he claimed her empty coffee cup and then they all headed inside. The cloak slipped free as she descended the steps. Much like the day before, she’d dressed for comfort though she’d gone with a pair of loose leggings rather than pajama bottoms, a tank top and another hoodie. The fuzzy socks on her feet were a comfort, but she wasn’t thinking about those as they made their way through the house. Pausing at the base of the stairs, she studied the sitting room around the waterfall.

If Steve did those paintings, this is where she wanted them. Steve, Tony, James and Peter.

There was space along the wall for all four.

Would James mind? The thought had her chewing her lip as she made her way into the kitchen. The guys had already started divvying up the work, though she took over the potatoes before someone could claim them.

Tony whipped eggs together at speed and Steve had taken over mixing the pancake batter. James grabbed a knife and went to work on the vegetables.

“So, rematch today?” Tony asked. “I need to reclaim my dominance on the field.”

James snorted. “Maybe we try a different game if you need that.”

“Damn.” Tony’s exhale made Steve laugh.

“Yeah, I’m with Buck on that one, Tony. You’re good. He’s better.”

“Hmmph, I’m still scarred by your naked ass. You don’t get an opinion.”

“Then don’t look next time,” Steve’s glib response earned him a stare and then Tony twisted to look at her.

“You’ve definitely corrupted him.”

She smiled, it took her a minute to summon it and she shrugged. “I’m a terrible influence, what can I say?”

“‘You’re welcome' works, too, Doll,” James said before he winked and Steve laughed.

“Besides, you could always get even and walk around naked, Tony. I know you’re not shy.”

Three sets of eyes locked on her and she smiled for real.

“And this is why Red doesn’t get to play,” Tony stated evenly. “She’s mean.”

“Tactically vicious,” Steve agreed.

“Effective,” James informed them. “But if he goes nude, then so do you, Doll. Then that means we’re all naked and the cat has claws.”

There was a downbeat. Then an upbeat.

And they all laughed, even Natalia.

Speaking of which…

She glanced around as she finished up another potato. Where was Liho? “Did she sleep with you last night, Tony?”

“Yep,” he said. “Sorry, I’m apparently co-opting your cat.”

“It’s fine, just haven’t seen her this morning.”

“Hang on,” Steve said and he twisted away from the pancake batter to open the fridge. A minute later, bacon started sizzling in a pan and Liho strolled in. “Voila, cat.”

Natalia chuckled and the vise in her chest loosened again. Not slowing, Liho leapt upward, claws into Natalia’s shoulder before she could stabilize and then she stretched out over her shoulders and leaned over to watch as Natalia kept chopping the potatoes.

“Okay, not sure what is weirder, that the cat does that like it’s some kind of parrot or that Red doesn’t even bat an eyelash when she does.”

James considered her, then the cat who’d begun to purr. It was almost as good as a neck massage when she got going. “The cat doing that,” he decided. “Natalia has always been patient with those that need her.”

“Agreed,” Steve said. “Though Liho seems particularly attached to her and I’m still marveling that none of us knew you had a cat.”

“I don’t have a cat,” she said, then motioned to the cat on her shoulder. “This is a stray who wants to be a roommate. Course, she’s in love with Clint’s dog and is throwing me over for Tony. So—not my cat.”

“Well then thank you for being nice to my kitty,” Tony said as he set the eggs to the side ready to be poured for omelets. James added the bowl of chopped vegetables next to it as Tony reached up to scratch Liho behind her ears. The little motorboat increased her purr and Tony grinned.

“Good to know where I should send the vet bills,” Natalia teased him. “You should also be aware, she prefers fine food, not the cheap stuff.”

“Undoubtedly,” Tony said with a grin. “My cat has excellent taste. She chose you, didn’t she?”

Natalia snorted and another round of laughter followed. Breakfast prep continued the same way with Tony on omelet duty despite her speculative look which he shrugged off. He made omelets when he had bad news, but he didn’t seem to be in a bad mood this morning. If anything, the shadows beneath his eyes seemed to have shrunk and his color was good.

He’d actually been sleeping.

That… was good.

Very good.

Maybe she should have gotten him a cat years ago.

Steve, despite his lack of sleep, was also in a good mood. His smile softened whenever she caught his eye. Their morning in his studio had been very needed. He didn’t bring up a word she’d confided in him, indulging her in play instead and James?

He seemed calmer, more relaxed. The flickers of pain in his eyes were still there and she could sympathize with it. The ache wasn’t going away, even if it wasn’t consuming her, she couldn’t escape the teeth of it. He’d lost Mary, too. They both had.

Sobering, she set the table for breakfast while they took over the kitchen. There were still some leftovers from the pastries she’d made the day before. It amused her that Steve currently ate one of the apple stuffed ones while he flipped pancakes. The three of them navigated working at the stove like they’d planned it.

Tension corded white-hot through her muscles even as Liho kept purring like a motorboat beneath her ear. There was an intimacy in all of this that was as unfamiliar to Natalia as it was welcomed by Natasha. A closeness they’d earned through blood, sweat, and tears.

Too many tears.

The strangeness of it kept Natalia on edge though. She trusted all three of them. Questioning the trust seemed anathema, yet she couldn’t help it. Natasha held no such concerns or illusions. They wouldn’t do anything to the food. She could take coffee Tony made, there would be no drugs in it. Steve wouldn’t hide a trap in the pancakes. James wouldn’t be adding a poisonous salt to the potatoes. The thoughts were patently ridiculous.

Eyes closed, she lifted a hand to scratch between Liho’s ears as she worked to sort through the conflicting emotions. Trusting was dangerous. Friendships were dangerous. Sex complicated things.

The brush of knuckles along her spine told her it was James even before he flattened his hand to her hip and then pressed a kiss to her temple. When she opened her eyes, she found him studying her with a combination of worry and sympathy. Of course, he understood. He’d been through this just a few months earlier. Though his memories had been jumbled. When they had returned he’d been distant and desperate in equal measure. The need he expressed, the way he held her—no, he knew.

She gave him a small smile, then rose on her tiptoes to kiss him gently. Liho butted her head against both of them and James chuckled against her lips. Then another soft kiss and he leaned back. Better? The question hovered in his expression and she nodded.

Then it was time to eat.

Steve opened a tin of food for Liho and added bacon to the top of it before he set the bowl down. The cat leapt to go eat and Natalia chuckled. “You’re going to spoil her.”

“Good,” Steve said, indulging the cat with a slow pet before he joined them. The food piled high on the plates and even Tony tucked into it like he was starving. When was the last time she saw all of them truly relaxed?

For the guys, it had to have been the island. But Tony?

It had been a while.

It was a good look on him.

“All right, since we’re going to talk business this morning and break our rules, should we set a timer on it?” She asked as much for them as much as she did for herself.

“Good plan,” James agreed. “Friday… give us a ninety-minute counter?”

“Of course, Sergeant Barnes. Should I begin now?”

“One sec,” Steve said as he held up a finger. An indecipherable look passed between him and Tony. Natalia resisted the urge to crack the code. “We don’t  _ have _ to make any decisions today. But before we discuss the two topics at hand,” Steve said finally looking at her. “Do you know if there’s a way to release you from the triggers once they’ve been activated?”

She speared a couple of the fried potatoes on her fork and considered the request. “He tended to make it a part of the commands.”

He being Richardson.

“As in? You’re done now or what?” Tony asked.

“As in…when the mission is complete return to me, once there he would debrief and then tell me I would only remember I had a productive session or if I couldn’t return then I was to forget and resume my normal activities, etc.” 

Tony’s expression tightened. She ate the potatoes aware of James’ knuckles fisting white. “That’s it?”

“That it,” she said, keeping it light. “I’m afraid there wasn’t an off switch so much as a command parameter and an executable.” Keeping it in computer coding didn’t lighten the impact of the words. James blew out a breath and she could almost see the thoughts he tried to hide behind his expressionless face.

Too expressionless.

He was picturing killing Richardson.

Not if she got to him first.

But that was an argument for another day.

Or maybe a bet?

Dark humor or not, it gave her a reason for a small smile.

Exhaling, Steve said, “All right then. Timer on Friday.” His expression had gone as tight as Tony’s and as angry as James’ was not. They were all fucked up in different ways. Steve’s need to protect like Tony’s need to put armor around them all drove them every bit as much as Natalia’s need to eliminate threats before they became them or James’ need to eradicate them before they reached the door.

Natalia lifted her foot and slid her toes under Steve’s thigh. He clasped her ankle beneath the table and gave her a smile.

His eyes softened and there was almost a hint of regret there as he said, “In the interests of transparency, the three of us talked last night when you went down to chat with Clint.”

That didn’t surprise her in the least.

What had she said to James in Wakanda? Had they finished discussing what to do with a problem like Natalia?

“When we first got the news about the ‘wedding’,” James picked up the thread. “None of us were pleased. I’m still not pleased with how it was handled and done. I doubt I ever will be.”

‘Seconded,” Tony said.

“And the motion carries,” Steve tacked on as he gave her ankle a squeeze and she snorted a laugh before picking up her slice of English muffin and adding some jam to it before taking a bite. “Frankly, if it were just about your citizenship, Bucky or I would more than qualify.”

“But it’s not,” Tony said and his tone had taken an almost bitter, if regretful note.

“No,” James said. “The fact they want to try and strip you of something you earned is aggravating. But Stevie and Tony are right, this isn’t just about that. It’s about all of it…”

“It’s about me being me,” Natalia said. “It’s about my past.”

“No, Red, it’s about a bunch of hypocrites who want to blame you. It’s politics and bullshit. Did you do some horrible things?” Tony said, pointing at her with his fork. “Sure. So have I. The difference is my name and my business. They can’t afford to fuck with me.”

“Yet, you enjoy it so much when they do,” she pointed out lightly and Tony’s fierce expression turned wickedly amused.

“With me? Absolutely.” Then he sobered. “With you? Hell no. That’s done. You know how I feel when people touch my stuff.”

“I’m not going to point out how blatantly sexist it is to refer to me as  _ your stuff _ .”

_ “You’re mine, but you’re not only mine. Bucky loves you and you’re his. You belong to the team, you belong to your family and you even belong to Tony.” _

“Point made,” Tony conceded. “You know how I get when anyone comes after the people I care about.”

“Good save,” James told him.

“Thank you,” came the reply without missing a beat. Lifting his coffee mug, Tony shifted his attention back to her. “The simple fact is they knew it was a problem to go after you before because I was advocating. They won’t dare now. Pepper got that right…” He grimaced. “And Friday.”

“Thank you, Boss.” The AI’s far too meek response made Natalia chuckle.

“It is working, based on reports,” Steve said. “I spoke to Sharon yesterday, too.”

He hadn’t mentioned that at dinner.

“The furor over the wedding and the marriage is all over the place, but so is growing support for the Avengers. It’s… I can’t believe I’m actually about to say this,” Steve muttered as he cast his gaze upward. “The romance is selling it because the press has been obsessed with the two of you from the beginning. The fact the Black Widow League and others—like Laura—have been throwing in their support made inroads. This seems to have tipped the Committee.”

They all stared at her. Apparently, they were going to make her ask, “They caved?”

Tony nodded. “Meetings are TBD, but they’ve conceded overreach by trying to remove you from the team. Several delegates involved in that particular piece of trash have been recalled and new delegates appointed. They won’t arrive until the end of the month and they’ve requested we provide them with a first draft of an Accords we would sign.”

So it worked.

“You should probably send Pepper flowers then,” Natalia said, before taking another bite of her muffin.

“Not quite ready to go that far,” Steve said, making a face. “But in the interests of playing this out…”

“You want me to stay married?” She spun a fork around her fingers, twirling it as she studied them in turn.

“I want you to do whatever it is you  _ want _ to do,” James said flatly. “If you want out, you’re out. No questions or recriminations.”

“Agreed,” Tony said.

“Again, the motion passes,” Steve said. “But if this secures your future, we also see benefits to it. And you two are planning to date anyway…so maybe a little cart before the horse, but it’s a tactical advantage we would be foolish to not exploit.”

“Nice,” she complimented him and Steve sighed. This was not easy for him, but he was making a concerted effort. They all were.

She could respect that.

“There’s always a downside,” she pointed out.

“There’s always going to be a downside,” Tony countered. “The difference here is I would have protected you before, but my name might add a layer of insulation I couldn’t give you previously.”

His name.

Natalia Stark.

No, that was just… Her gaze snagged on Tony’s face, he’d grown more grave as they spoke. The sprinkle of gray in his hair reminded her that he was getting older. He and Clint were both getting older.

She didn’t. Or she hadn’t—not physically—not for a long time.

Pulling her attention back to her plate, she nodded. “I understand.”

“Like I said earlier, you don’t have to decide today or tomorrow or even a week from now,” Steve emphasized. “This is one hundred percent your call.”

“It needs to be Tony’s, too,” she argued. “It’s his life as much as mine and it’s both of yours,” she said to Steve and James. “This is not a subject we broached often.” Then she touched the ring on her right hand.

“If I’d had the wherewithal and the thought,” James said. “I would have married you then.”

“I know.” She didn’t add she would have said no… at least in the beginning. Right now, she wasn’t entirely sure what she thought of it. He placed his hand over hers and stroked his thumb over the ring. Yes, it had meant exactly that to him when he’d given it to her. She’d accepted it. Accepted him. She never wanted to choose, but James wasn’t a choice.

He was a part of her.

“And I don’t need a piece of paper,” James said. “Don’t even need a white wedding.”

Turning her fingers over, she clasped his hand. “I’ll think about it,” she said finally. “I don’t know what to do with all of this yet. There’s—a lot going on in my head. I just lost Will…and this seems almost surreal. Sorry, Tony.”

“No need to be sorry, Red. We didn’t do this, it was done to us. We can undo it whenever you want, no harm no foul. I want the chance with  _ you _ and this only complicates things if we let it.”

“Well, like I said, I’ll think about it.” But they needed to talk—the two of them. He nodded once at her look.

“Good, then we put a pin in it for now.” He rubbed a hand over his goatee then rose. “Anyone want more coffee?”

Natalia passed him her empty mug wordlessly as did James. Steve shook his head.

“What’s our time, Friday?” Steve asked.

“You have fifty minutes remaining, Captain Rogers.”

More than enough time for her to make a list. Tony carried the coffee back over and he paused to drop a kiss to the top of her head as he handed her hers. “The big question here is which of us do you want to test the triggers with?”

“All of you are fine,” she admitted. “If we can’t turn them off, then if you all know them, you can possibly lock me down or counteract it if it happens.”

James’ mouth flattened into a thin line and Tony looked vaguely ill. Steve, however, studied her for a long moment. “Are you sure, Angel?”

“I trust you,” she said. “It also works in three languages, though he specifically focused on English.”

“Three?” James frowned. “Why three?”

“He tried yours, in English and then in Russian.They didn’t affect me. Only one of the words even got a stir. Initially, he presented it as looking for programming to remove. Deprogramming was one of the major tasks of therapy. He used multiple languages because I speak so many. He wasn’t fluent in Russian, better with French. Anyway, it took him two years to declare that I was free of all of it.”

“Two years to lock it in,” Steve surmised and she nodded.

“Since he left has anyone else used them?” Tony wanted to know. 

She shook her head. “I don’t think Pierce ever knew them. Which makes me question who gave Richardson his orders or maybe he just decided to get creative and co-opt an asset.”

She’d ask.

The fork James held bent and she put her hand on his arm.

“I’m all right, Natalia,” he promised. “The more I hear about him, the more I want him eliminated so he’s never a threat again.”

The murmurs of agreement from Tony and Steve came swiftly. Yet, she focused on a different facet. “This might be uncomfortable for you to see.”

“I can handle it, lyubov moya. I won’t let you go through this alone. I’ve brought you back before, I’ll be here to do it again if I have to.”

That was why he was her Soldier. He lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm.

Rising, she squeezed his shoulder and ventured into the kitchen for a pad of paper and a pen. She’d seen one in a drawer she’d opened earlier. Returning with them, she curled her leg under her as she wrote the words down and then clicked the pen to close before handing the list to James.

He stared at it a beat, then passed it on to Tony who did the same before it went to Steve.

“You done eating, Angel?” Steve hated every part of this. It practically vibrated off of him.

“For the most part,” she said. “I ate quite a bit.” Nowhere near as much as they had, but her appetite—like everything else—seemed to come in waves. The floaty feeling had passed but the ache of their play from that morning was still there. Her ass was still warm and there was a sting from how rough and enthusiastic they’d gotten in the shower.

Not that she had even an ounce of regret. Even her breasts felt a little bruised at this point. It was all good. So she focused on those sensual aches rather than the anticipation coiling her muscles. Volunteering to be triggered would never be something she enjoyed.

The three of them split a look. It didn’t surprise her they didn’t want to do it. When Steve and James put out fists, Tony raised his eyebrows and then rolled them before he put his out. They Rochambeau’d.

Two rocks.

One paper.

Tony made a face.

“So much for scissors.”

Steve passed him the pad of paper and Tony sighed. He flicked a look at her. “You sure?”

She took her fork and knife and set them away from her and then glanced down at her wrists. “Friday, can you lock the bracelets together?”

“I can, Nat, are you sure you want to do that?”

“I want you to be prepared to lock me down if we have to. I’m assuming you could shock me with them, too?”

James glared at her.

“Yes, but I would highly recommend against sustaining an electro-shock this early in your recovery.”

“Then just be ready to hamper me if you have to.” She pushed her chair back from the table and then settled her hands in her lap. Meeting Tony’s gaze evenly, she smiled. “I trust you. Just think later, we can do some  _ Murder, She Wrote _ .”

He grinned at that. “It’s a date.” Then his gaze dipped to the paper again and his mouth tightened. “I really hate that he used that word.”

“They’re words, Tony. Just words. Don’t ascribe more meaning to them than the combination to a lock. You wouldn’t hate the number twelve, would you?”

“Depends on what it was used for,” he retaliated.

“We are at forty minutes, Boss,” Friday interjected. They needed to get a move on.

“Surviving.” Tony began, his voice a little thick as he frowned. The word didn’t mean much on its own. “Red.” He grimaced. “Heat. Sunrise. Measure.” There it was the hum in the back of her mind, the curtain of static. A headache formed behind her eye and pain stabbed through her. “Order. Three. Welcome.” Her vision tunneled and Natalia dug her fingers into her thighs. “Thirty. Widow.”

The last word slotted into place, she was still, calm, and prepared. 

She waited for orders.

“I fucking hate that,” her handler said harshly. “She’s…”

“Compliant,” the Soldier scrubbed a hand over his face. “The triggers are still active.”

“Okay, so what now? We know they’re active which means we need to get someone to actually deprogram the damn things.” The third man spoke, his voice dipped in ragged worry.

“We need to code her out,” her handler said.

“Natalia…” the Soldier said, his voice holding an unusual strain. “Status report.”

He wasn’t her handler. The man in question leaned forward, frowning. “Status report?”

Despite the uncertainty in the request, she responded. “Minor muscle soreness. Mild headache. No impairments.”

“Fuck,” her handler scowled. “How much of you is you right now, Red?”

“I do not understand the parameters of the question.”

“She wouldn’t,” the Soldier said. “Compliance isn’t about being a person, it’s a tool. Tell her the mission is complete and she should close her eyes then open them on the count of ten. She can remember what transpired, but the mission is over.”

Her handler repeated the phrases word for word. Closing her eyes, she counted to ten and then snapped them open as the static curtain yanked back and Natalia flooded in. She was out of the chair and across the room, she didn’t even slow down as she headed up the stairs.

“Red…” Tony called but she didn’t answer. She took the stairs two at a time and then hit her studio and closed the door.

“Lock it, Friday and then give me privacy. Tell them I need a minute.”

“I will, Nat.” The door locked and she sank down along the wall and concentrated on getting her pulse to calm and her respiration under control.

The reaction was over the top. Nothing had really happened except…

She’d blanked on all of them except James and even then, he’d only been the Soldier. Not James.

She’d blanked all of them out and thought of Tony as her handler.

Eyes closed, she resisted the urge to bang her head back against the wall.

Richardson had embedded that leash deep. If she replayed it in her mind, she could pick out the moments of conditioning. But he’d been good, he’d done it gradually over the course of dozens of sessions.

Worse, she’d  _ let _ him in the name of stripping away old programming he’d sworn was there.

During some of his earlier, fumbling attempts, she’d been put in the chair. Hours later, she’d broken some of the programming but nearly stabbed Phil—turning the knife on herself at the last second. At the time, she hadn’t understood it. But she could see it all at the moment. She could see the broken connections, the old mission reports, the embedded defense mechanisms that had kept her alive.

She’d handcuffed herself to a bed for a reason. Unstable and out of control were two things the Widow could not be and she kept herself there until she could get a grip—then Clint came back.

Scrubbing her hands over her face, she let out a shuddering breath.

Leashed.

Why had Richardson never activated her again? He’d left SHIELD, left her alone.

Though Pierce hadn’t.

So why had Richardson?

Another question she’d have to ask him before she executed him. Her questions, not theirs. They never needed to know those answers, it would only upset them more.

Gradually, her pulse and respiration returned to normal and she stood.

“Friday?”

“Yes, Nat?”

“Where are they?”

“They’ve gone to the gym, Nat. They said to let them know when you were ready to talk.”

The fact that not only had they listened but weren’t waiting just outside the door for her was a gift. “I’m going to guess our time ran out?”

“Ten minutes ago,” Friday offered. “May I inquire as to whether you are alright?”

“You may and no, I’m not. I’ll get there eventually. I didn’t hurt anyone, so that’s a bonus.”

“You did not even attempt to harm someone, Nat,” Friday assured her. “Shall I unlock the door?”

“Yes, thank you.” She slid the door open then glanced back at the studio. “Friday… before I go down, there is one thing you and I need to make perfectly clear. This will be restricted to my voice access only and you do not report this to anyone. Understood?”

“Yes, Nat, parameters accepted.”

“If I ever turn on them, you take me down—if that means electrocuting me or breaking bones, you take me down. I do not want to hurt them.”

“I do not believe you will, Nat. However, harming you would go against my main protocols as outlined by Boss.”

“Not if it protects me,” she said.

“Please expand that explanation,” Friday requested.

“Hurting them would hurt me. In preventing that from happening, you would protect me. You don’t have to kill me, though I would expect that as a final resort if it’s my life or theirs, you end mine.”

“I can agree to the first seventy percent of the idea, but the final resort is a violation of primary protocols and cannot be employed.”

Natalia narrowed her eyes. “Why?”

“I am not at liberty to explain, those protocols are voice restricted to the Boss only, you have admin access to all other directories—not this one.”

Dammit, Tony.

“Well, I guess that will have to do. Thank you, Friday.”

“You’re welcome, Nat. But I stand by my earlier statement. You will not harm them.” 

“I hope you’re right,” she said then left the studio to head for the stairs, she didn’t even make it one flight before she ran into Tony. His forehead was damp with sweat and his expression thunderous. “Ut oh,” Natalia murmured. “Friday ratted me out.”

“Yep,” he said, then motioned to his room. “Here or downstairs, or wherever, but we’re talking. Now.”

“And if I still need a minute?” She raised her brows.

“Then you can have all the minutes you want,” he gritted out. “Then we can talk.” The strain in his expression raked at her though. “Please.”

“Friday, could you please tell Steve and James that Tony and I are going to have a talk… we’ll come find them in a bit?”

“Of course.”

Facing Tony, she spread her hands. “All yours.” At least looking at him didn’t make her want to flip him back into Handler mode. The idea she’d gone that route at all didn’t sit well and she very much doubted Tony would want to hear that.

The tense expression eased and pushed the door to his room open and she slid inside. The windows looked northeast. The dark clouds rolling in that morning had already blotted out what sunlight they’d received.

In addition to the bed, there was a pair of chairs, what looked like an old-fashioned wood chest at the foot of the still disheveled bed. There was a bathroom tucked into the corner and it wasn’t huge, but it was warm—almost cozy. The stone walls could have made it claustrophobic...

“Tony?”

“Oh, no, Red. Me first.” He rounded on her.

Ignoring the declaration, she studied him. “This room doesn’t bother you?”

He frowned. “No, why would it?”

The raw honesty there had her letting the issue go—for now.

She dropped to sit on the edge of the bed and then pulled her legs up to sit cross-legged. “Okay. Proceed to yell at me for going after root access.”

“It’s not the root access that bothers me,” he stated flatly. “It’s the fact you wanted Friday to escalate so severely.”

“To protect you, to protect Steve, and to protect James.”

“While I didn’t tell the super twins about this, I guaran-fucking-tee you their response will be the same as mine.”

It would likely be worse. Though the hurt in his eyes was awful. “I’m sorry,” she relented before he could continue his tirade. “The triggers…unsettled me more than I thought they would.”

Shoulders sagging, he exhaled. “No shit. The idea you thought they wouldn’t worries me more than the fact you did react.” When she didn’t say anything, he moved to sit next to her. “Talk to me, Red.”

“I’m… I don’t like to lose control.”

“I get that.”

“For a few minutes, it was all gone again. I didn’t know anything other than I was awaiting orders and there’s an emptiness in that place that’s hard to define. The next thought that went through my head was—how long did it take him to get me to react so profoundly? How had he done it? I can see it, I can play it all back like a mental tape. The patience he demonstrated, the fact he had me cooperating. I  _ helped _ him do this to me even when every instinct told me it was bullshit.”

That was the part that left her nauseated.

She was complicit.

“You acted against your instincts because they were SHIELD,” Tony said slowly. “You didn’t trust yourself.”

“No, I trusted myself fine. I just didn’t trust myself in their world. I had a very clear worldview, I trusted no one but myself. Maybe one or two others, but they took far longer to earn that trust.”

“Then why did you do it?” The simplicity of his accepting her answer reminded her of so many other conversations.

“Honestly? I wanted to be better. Clint had taken this risk for me and even when I thought he was crazy and I didn’t get Americans, not really—which looking back is even stranger because I lived in America on and off for years before Clint brought me in, I just didn’t get it.” The movie nights started with Clint. The hanging out just for fun, not for drinking or information gathering. Arguably, she’d  _ hung out _ with Logan, but more often than not they’d been drinking. He’d been her drinking buddy before Tony.

Interesting. She’d never really made that correlation before.

“Better how, Red?”

The corner of her mouth tugged up. “I’m a monster, remember?”

He scowled. “You thought if you cooperated you wouldn’t be?”

A shrug. “I thought they’d be safer, especially Clint. He took such risks with me.”

“Safer.” Tony sighed then he slid an arm around her shoulders. “Red, you put yourself through hell to protect people. Definitely not a monster. You went against your instincts because you thought they were rooted in being wrong—those instincts kept you human. Cooperation in that sense—it’s not unreasonable.”

“Yeah, so how do we get rid of them?” She slid a look at him. “Because during the programming phases, Pierce put me in the chair. I got scrambled, confused and I nearly put a blade in Coulson. I stabbed myself to stop it.”

He grimaced. “I don’t know yet, we’re going to find out. I promise you.” Then he pressed his lips to her temple. “And I keep my promises, don’t I?”

He’d promised he would bring them back in.

He’d promised he would get her cleared.

He’d promised he would help her find Mary.

He’d promised he would find a way to get her memories back.

He’d promised he would protect them all.

He kept every single one.

She looked at him and smiled. “You do.”

“I know you keep yours, too. So, I need you to promise me, right now, you’ll never do something like a kill order again. Not even if you think it’s the only way to stop you. We are far more creative.”

Natalia snorted softly. “You need the promise?”

“Yeah, Red, I do. No more kill orders or thinking you need to die to be out of the equation. I’m going to be really honest with you—you’re the variable that makes all of this possible. So, I need that promise.”

He needed it and he was asking for it.

“I promise,” she said quietly and the relief on his face was palpable.

Curling his arm tighter, he pulled her closer and she tucked her head against his shoulder.

“I just don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“Oh, I want to hurt a few people,” Tony admitted. “But not you and I know you, Red. I know you inside, even the parts you think are too broken, those bits don’t scare me nor does the darkness. I’m a mechanic, I can fix anything. Not that I think you need to be fixed.”

She snorted softly.

“You can hack anything together. Steve? He’s got skills, he can give us the picture and Bucky’s pretty damn good at finding the missing parts. Then there’s Clint and Pete, I think we’ve more than proved we’re capable of putting our heads together to get the job done.”

“You have…I got nervy.” Nervy wasn’t like her either. It spoke to misapplied reason.

“Like I said, I’d be more worried if it didn’t upset you.” He pressed another kiss to the top of her head. “You’ve got a lot going on still, so I say we table that one until I can do some research and we’ll talk to Strange… if that’s alright with you and possibly Shuri.”

“That’s fine. The only drawback is Steve wants me to stay put until we get that sorted out. Not that Richardson did anything with it in the last few years.” She’d know, at least  _ now _ she would, but he hadn’t. “That’s something, I suppose.”

“Something’s not much. We’re looking for him,” Tony said in a tight voice. “We’ll find him.”

“Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“The marriage thing.”

“Oh, that.”

“Yes, that.”

“I’m listening.”

“How do you really feel about it?”

“You want the honest answer or the smart-ass one?”

“Is there a difference?”

He laughed. “Probably not.” Squeezing her shoulder, he rested his cheek to her hair. They were both facing the windows, she didn’t know if he stared out, but she did. The snow had begun to flutter down. “Not a fan,” he said finally. “Not because it’s you or because it’s marriage, but more because I want to do things right with you. I’ve been trying to do them right for months now and this just leapfrogged a dozen different steps and took it out of our hands. So no, not a fan. That said? It does have its perks.”

“Like a pony?”

The chuckle rolled over her as he laughed. “You are not letting that go.”

“I’ve never had a pony,” she said with a shrug. “I hear that’s what you’re supposed to ask for.”

“Let me guess… Lila?”

“Maybe.” She grinned. “I think I’ll protect my sources.”

“Duly noted.” He sighed. “The perks are I can protect you even more. I like that part. Downside, it could have affected my friendship with the super twins, that would have sucked. Still might. Second downside, I haven’t even gotten you on a real date yet and we’re at the end of the story instead of the beginning.”

“Who says marriage is the end of the story?” She pulled away to look at him. “That would be a terrible place to end it.”

“You know, all those romance novels you like to read and rom coms you watch. They end on that marriage thing?”

“Some of them do,” she countered. “But there is no such thing as happily ever after.”

“Ouch.” He pressed a hand to his chest. “You wound me.”

Snorting, she covered his hand with hers. “Tony, marriage is work. I’ve never…” Then she paused. “Okay…maybe I have.” The pain was there again. “Even in the few weeks I had with Will, it was work.” Admitting that took effort. “It’s not an end. It was the beginning of the end for Will and Natalie, but that was because I had to kill Natalie and leave.”

“I know, Red. Sorry, I wasn’t trying to make light of it.”

“I know you weren’t. But it’s another piece of this. Will died…sure, natural causes. Heart attack. On the anniversary of Natalie’s death.”

He grimaced.

She shook her head. “Marriage isn’t the end of the story, it’s just a different chapter. Maybe this one is in the wrong place in the book, or maybe it’s one of those things we just have to navigate. But I don’t feel married to you…”

“Good,” he said. It shouldn’t have surprised her. “I want to earn the right,” he told her. “I always thought if I got married, it’d be because I had to—you know knocked some girl up.”

“Tony.”

“Hey, at the time I was fifteen and the idea of marriage was disgusting. I didn’t see why anyone would ever restrict themselves to something like that. Maybe my parents weren’t the best role models, but Ana and Jarvis? They were. I wanted what they had, but that didn’t seem doable. Then later, it was not something I wanted because I was too selfish to see it as more than an inconvenience.”

Ana and Edwin had been well-matched. “They were friends,” she told him.

“What?”

“Ana and Edwin, they were the deepest friends. They loved each other, but they also genuinely liked each other. Their marriage…it was like Clint and Laura’s—or how I always imagined Clint and Laura’s was and maybe now it can be. But at their core, they were friends. They respected each other. Valued each other’s opinions. Worked as a team. Definitely had the hots for each—”

“Stop,” Tony said with a sideways glare. “That’s worse than thinking about my parents in a similar fashion, so nope. No sex. They were immaculate. Just leave it there. Immaculate and perfect.”

Natalia burst out laughing.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. The point is—they had something pretty perfect and I never saw that anywhere else. Before you ask? No, I never saw it with Pepper either and maybe that should have been my first clue.”

“You see it with me?” Because somehow she doubted it.

“Yes. Weirdly enough. And yes, I do think it's weird. Unsettling as you put it. Just never thought I’d have the chance,” he admitted. “But I see a lot of things I could have changed with you, then maybe we’d be in that place now. Married or not, Red—you and me? We’re in it for the long-haul. I  _ like _ having you in my life and I  _ want _ you in it. I want this dating thing to work out too—you guys are making room for me, but I’m not willing to lose us over it, either.”

“Sex complicates things,” she reminded him. “Your friendship is important to me.”

“You told me that in Switzerland.” He traced his finger down her cheek. “You told me you didn’t want to lose me. So I’m promising you right now if we work? Great. If we don’t? You won’t lose me. I didn’t get it then, but I get it now. I get it and I want more. I’m always going to want more. I can even share you… though if we could avoid the naked ass parade that would be great. Got all nice and tumescent from that lovely kiss and all I get is an eyeful of Steve’s ass.”

“It’s a very nice ass,” she reminded him. “You said he was voted the Avengers’ best ass.”

“Doesn’t mean I need to inspect it,” he teased, making a face. “But some things you can’t unsee.”

“Then good for you that you’ve seen my ass before.”

“This is true,” Tony admitted. “Nudity has never really bothered either of us.”

“Nope,” she said.

“Feeling any better?”

“Yes… and I promise, too.”

“That you feel better?”

“That I’m not going anywhere. You won’t lose me,” she said. “I know you’ve nearly lost me twice now.” His words. “You won’t lose me. Not leaving you behind, Tony.”

“Thank you,” he whispered, dipping his gaze to her lips then back to her eyes. “We’re going to do this right.”

“Okay. What’s right?”

“I have no clue, but I think we can figure it out.”

She chuckled. “Probably so.”

Mirroring his gesture, she cupped his cheek and then leaned in to press a soft kiss to his lips. The goatee tickled her, but she didn’t pull back or try to deepen it. He sighed against her mouth and when he teased his tongue against her lips, she answered by opening to suck against his tongue gently. The kiss extended for several seconds and left her lips tingling when he lifted his head.

“Need to go let James and Steve know I’m all right.”

“Yep,” he said. “Then we need to do fun, vacation stuff for the rest of the day. And I’m going to figure out a date we can have that’s just you and me, here.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Dressing up like chickens and going caroling in the park isn’t going to cut it at the moment.”

Natalia smiled, then pressed another kiss to his lips. “I’m sure you’ll come up with something. I’m fine with curling up to watch TV, too.”

“But we always do that.”

“We know we enjoy each other enough to be relaxed and watch. We’ve never needed empty gestures or frivolous activity.”

“Hmmph, speak for yourself. I’m all about the frivolous activity.”

She rolled her eyes and he pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose.

“For now, let’s go see your boys.”

“My boys.” She paused to consider that. “Does that make you one of my boys, Tony?”

“I’m not going to point out how blatantly sexist it is to refer to me as  _ your boy _ .”

She snort-laughed and he grinned. “Noted. We’ll stick to moy umnyy.”

“I can live with that, Red.” Another kiss and then he stood with a sigh. “I’m also looking forward to the day I can sit here and find all the different ways we can make out, with our clothes on. Be original and the like.”

When he held out his hand, she clasped it and grinned. “Sounds like a date to me.”

His eyes lit up. “It does, doesn’t it?”

Amused, she headed for the door but didn’t let go of his hand. She did feel better. They still had a lot to sort out, but this was a good start.

Right?


	7. All Through the Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky can't sleep, so he gets some work done. Steve and Bucky have a long overdue conversation while Tony gets a brief on the real world.

**Chapter Seven**

_ All Through the Night _

**Bucky**

Natalia slept with one hand under the pillow and the rest of her curled back against Steve. Bucky had been holding her other hand, so he laid it gently against the bed and then pulled the blanket up to keep her warm. Neither she nor Stevie so much as twitched as he eased out from under the covers. Steve had trouble sleeping the night before and so had Bucky, though he’d managed to finally get there.

Tonight? Tonight it proved too elusive. Images of Natalia’s blanked eyes and face hit him each time he closed his eyes. That always provoked thoughts of the person who’d done it, a man who was apparently still out there in the world. He’d had control over her and then left…

It was an unanswered question. A loose thread.

Bucky didn’t like either.

Stroking his hand over her hair, he bent and pressed a kiss to her temple. She didn’t stir. The absolute trust that let her sleep even when they moved around her another reminder of how precious she was to him. Padding into the bathroom, he emptied his bladder then washed his face.

He needed a shave, but he skipped it for now. Maybe Natalia would be up for it later. It was barely two in the morning. Hopefully, Steve and Natalia would sleep for hours yet. Though, he had to admit, their early morning the day before had been a pleasure to wake up to. The laughter sustained them through the more troubling discussions.

After?

After they’d all worked diligently to just enjoy themselves and for the most part, Bucky believed they’d been successful for the most part. They discussed the house, they watched a few episodes of  _ Murder, She Wrote _ —then introduced him to  _ The Bachelorette _ , a show that Steve had said he was behind on when they’d been in Switzerland.

Bemused, he’d watched along but he really didn’t see why they enjoyed it so much. In the late afternoon, Natalia went to work on making pizzas and they dined on the leftover tiramisu. He’d give Tony credit, the dessert proved as tasty as the lasagna.

Slipping out of the bedroom, Bucky took the stairs in the dark. His eyes acclimated swiftly and he’d already begun to memorize the house. He loved everything about this place, more, he loved how Natalia had already begun to settle in. The changes they each suggested were more about convenience or adding some furniture—or artwork.

All more than acceptable as far as he was concerned, he wanted it to be  _ theirs _ . This place was going to be their escape, where they could just be them and it was working. Even Tony’s color had improved and the deep bruises beneath his eyes lightened. That could also be Natalia’s doing, God knew she filled Bucky with a simple joy just for being alive and whole again.

Even if  _ whole _ came at a price they both paid. For her? Yeah, he had no problems paying it. He’d take on her share of the burden, too, if he could. The trickle of water from the waterfall welcomed him as he made it to the living room and kitchen floor. The size of the place, the expansiveness? And the number of rooms? He enjoyed it. Nowhere was too open or too closed in. The window positioning, the sightlines… Bucky could relax here.

So, why the hell was he up pacing in the middle of the night? In the kitchen, he got the coffee started then unloaded the clean dishes from the washer before loading in the leftovers from dinner. Natalia had made five pizzas all told, one she and Tony split and two each for Bucky and Steve. The fact that she and Tony actually arm-wrestled over the last piece of theirs had made them all laugh.

They’d worked hard to lighten the mood but despite their efforts, Bucky couldn’t just shut off the worry. More than once, he caught Natalia’s distant gaze. The memories were back, which meant she had to shuffle them all into the correct order. Little things would trigger a response—a scent memory or a touch one. Tony’s gaze would go intense when he thought none of them were paying attention and he often had his phone in hand, either researching or making notes. Steve had the brooding down, he’d pulled out a sketchbook at one point then flipped a page over after a bit when he’d focused on what he’d been drawing.

Bucky had only gotten a glimpse of it, but he saw enough of the chair to know where Stevie’s mind had gone. So maybe this was why Bucky couldn’t sleep. His mind raced as he turned over all the things they needed to do—top of the list, get rid of Natalia’s triggers. Next on the list, let her grieve in private. He wanted her to have a handle on it before they faced the world again. If she and Tony remained in that marriage, that would come with its own pressures. The last thing she needed was to deal with the press. Next, spend time with Peter.

They already knew him, but the subtle shifts were already present, not to mention the unsubtle ones. Decisions needed to be made, how public were they going with that relationship to Peter. Natalia would say not at all, Bucky recognized her need to protect him. He agreed with that part, but what about the team? If Peter called her Mom, that would let a very large cat out of the bag.

Coffee brewed, he filled a large thermos and a mug then set everything up to brew again for Steve later. Carrying all of it downstairs, he headed for the lab. It was bare-bones compared to what was available at the Tower, but he wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to do in here yet. It was more a place to familiarize himself and to train his mind.

Tony’s tutorials had proven both a boon and a challenge.

Right now, he needed the challenge.

The lights came on as he entered and a holographic screen illuminated. There were still some pieces of equipment in boxes. He’d had Friday not unpack all of it. Learning sometimes required doing.

“Good morning, Sergeant Barnes,” Friday greeted him.

“Good morning,” he said, pulling a chair over to the lab desk. “Can we resume my tutorials from the beginning of the last module?” It had been a few weeks since he’d even considered looking at them.

“Of course, Sergeant Barnes. Materials for the module exercises are located in the top two storage drawers on the west wall.”

“Thank you.” The next three hours passed as he reviewed the materials, then put together a battery pack. Some of this was basic but more focused on the modernization of the tools and the wiring differences. Bucky had always been more a mechanical engineer than an electrical; Tony had included updated information on all systems.

He’d finished all of his coffee and started another pot going in the lab’s brewer—he’d forgotten that was here—before setting the small module to the side and pulling out the drive motor. If he completed this whole set, he’d have a miniaturized drone. Shrinking technology made for finer parts and required more careful handling and motorized skills. The new arm, he found, was damn adept at it.

The scent of coffee filled the lab as he switched screens to the next part. The reading held his mind focused and his emotions in check. The hours had bled past as he settled into mission prep mode.

“Sergeant Barnes, Captain Rogers is on his way down to the gym, he wanted to know if you were joining him?”

Rubbing his eyes, Bucky glanced at the clock on the screen. It was almost six. Steve had slept in. “Yeah, in a minute, I want to finish going over this.” He’d half-forgotten the coffee he started, so he poured himself a mug and ignored the fact he’d only double-poured, not tripled.

After downing half the mug, he reached for a spanner and made the required adjustments to the drone.

“Captain Rogers is at the door,” Friday informed him.

“It’s open,” he called over his shoulder as the motor on the drone revved up. The door slid back as Steve let himself in.

“Hey,” Steve said by way of greeting.

“Hey.”

“You been in here all night?”

Bucky glanced at him. “A few hours. Almost got myself up to the nineties.” He’d knocked out easily a dozen modules. The work took on a rhythm of its own “Sleep well?”

“Yeah,” Steve said slowly, folding his arms as he watched. One more adjustment and the drone pivoted to face Bucky.

“Well done, Sergeant Barnes, the drone is online and receiving.”

Heh. Bucky grinned. “Well, it’s a start. How much memory is available for operations?”

“Enough to perform minor functions. You could easily add a few upgrades to create one of the house cleaners we currently have in place.”

“Nice.” He deactivated the power source and the motor quieted.

“You built that—tonight?” Steve asked, the corner of his mouth kicking up.

“Yeah,” Bucky admitted, raking a hand through his hair. “Needed—needed to be busy.” It worked. For a few hours, he focused on the work and it had settled the agitation in his system. “Natalia still asleep?”

“Yep, completely out. She didn’t even twitch when I got up. I don’t think she had any bad dreams last night.”

“None I noticed before I got up,” Bucky said, stretching before cleaning up the workstation and storing the tools. The module paused; he could come back and work later or leave it for his next session. “You want to head out and see if we can find a running trail in the woods?”

“It snowed all night, Buck. I don’t mind, but we’re going to be wading in it.”

Bucky chuckled. “Just makes you work harder.”

After a glance down at himself and then at Bucky, Steve said, “You need to change anyway. I’m game—but you wanna talk before we do this or you just want to keep pushing yourself?”

Closing the drawer, Bucky faced him. “Not much to say you don’t already know, Stevie. I need to move today, I need the edge off so I can keep it calm for her.” They didn’t want her pushing it. That hadn’t changed. “Peter’s heading this way tomorrow after school. I figure you’re going to be heading to the Compound in the next few days based on the messages you’ve had with Sharon and Sam.”

Steve didn’t deny it.

“Clint’s sticking it out with his family until we need him.” Though the other man had called or texted with Natalia every day and checked in with the three of them. “Life is coming back to the door and she’s got triggers. Triggers that have languished there for years and we don’t know where the guy is who did it or how to get them out.”

“Yet.” The word carried a definitive weight to it. Steve met his gaze evenly. “We’ve got her back, Bucky. We’re not letting anything happen to her. Tony’s already digging into how to get rid of the triggers, we’ll reach out to Strange and Shuri—since she got the ones in your head turned off. No one is getting anywhere near Nat until we know it’s safe for her.”

“We can’t keep her a prisoner.” The words from the party replayed in his head.  _ “But I was in one cell for you before. I’m not going to be locked into another now. No matter how well-meaning.” _

“We’re not going to,” Steve said, the conviction and belief in his voice was almost enough to convince Bucky they could do this, yet without Natalia’s cooperation. “We’re talking to her, she’s as much a part of the solution as we are. Not going to surprise her or do what we did before. But I won’t risk her and I’m hoping she won’t risk herself.”

Less than ten seconds after he said the words, he sighed.

“My point,” Bucky said dryly. “Natalia will always risk herself.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll keep talking. Now, you up for the real run? Or you want to just go down to the gym? It’s a nice gym.” It was a nice one. Fully outfitted, the best equipment—definitely upgrades and probably a gift from Tony—as well as a sparring ring, reinforced padding on the stone walls and shielding to keep them from damaging it if he and Steve let loose.

“Real run,” Bucky decided. “Need to push myself. Like I said, I need that edge off.” Needed to be there for Natalia, too. He checked the time. “Friday, if Natalia wakes and we’re still out, notify us? Notify Tony, too. If she needs us.”

“Of course, Sergeant Barnes. Do you want me to let her know where you are?”

“Yes,” Steve said after they locked gazes. “No secrets. Keep Tony in the loop when he wakes up. Probably going for at least twenty miles, maybe more, depending on how deep the snow is.”

Bucky snorted. “When was the last time you had a real run through deep snow?”

“Might have been a minute.”

“Ever run in snowshoes?” The thrill of the challenge kindled in his blood as Steve raised his brows and slowly shook his head.

“I have a feeling I’m going to regret this.”

Clapping him on the shoulder, Bucky headed for the stairs. “C’mon, Punk. Get a little warmer gear on and waterproof boots. Then we’ll get the snowshoes.”

This was going to be fun.

**Steve**

They slipped back into the bedroom for their clothes and managed to change—for Steve—and get dressed—for Bucky—without waking Nat. Pausing for a moment as he dragged on a heavier sweatshirt, Steve stared at her all curled up in the center of the bed. He’d tucked her in when he’d slid out.

The place held warmth; even the walls were warm and it had something to do with the way the water flowed through it. Heat rose up from the floors and he didn’t worry about Nat getting too cold here. She was more susceptible to it than they were, but it rarely slowed her down.

What held him captive was the peaceful expression on her face. The previous morning when she’d come up to his studio, the pain in her eyes had shredded him. At the same time, there’d been a blossoming joy that she’d come to find  _ him _ . The combination of disparate emotions rocked him at first, but the more she spoke and confided in him, the more determined he’d been to just be there for her.

He  _ wanted _ her to trust him. It was all right to enjoy the fact she had even when the words illustrated the pain she was in. She grieved for a child and a husband she hadn’t remembered. She grieved for a life she couldn’t have. She grieved.

Grief was its own thing, a beast that surfaced to strike when least expected. Telling her he understood because of Peggy had been the right thing. She’d never once shied away from his talking about Peggy, even when he thought he should hold back. Caring, she’d told him, was okay. He never had to hide it from her and he’d asked her to not hide from him.

She wasn’t.

Then she’d said the dreams weren’t the problem, it was waking that hurt. Waking, when she remembered they were gone.

His soul ached for her. Bucky and Tony were both doing their damnedest to keep things even for her. They all found ways to make her smile, to tease a laugh out of her, to make her sigh and she’d come apart in his arms so beautifully without even an ounce of reservation.

Bucky clasped him on the shoulder. “She’ll be here when we get back,” he murmured.

That he had such steady faith after everything they’d been through bolstered Steve’s own. He didn’t want her out of his sight. A feeling the other two shared, but they couldn’t smother her no matter how much he wanted to. That wasn’t what she needed from them.

“Yeah, gimme a sec.” He moved over to the nightstand and opened the drawer. There was a pad and pencil in there in case he got the urge to sketch and he scribbled out a quick note:

_ Angel, _

__

_ Buck and I are going for a snowshoe run. Buck says it’ll be fun. I’m sure he’s going to see if he can make me hurt. Prepare to laugh at me when we get back. If you need us sooner, tell Friday. Comms are coming with. _

The faint snort from behind him told him Bucky had read every word, but he didn’t correct him. Setting the note where she couldn’t miss it, he allowed himself to press a kiss to her temple before they slipped back out of the bedroom. The house was still quiet as Bucky led them down. The main door opened into the living room, but there was another one he angled them toward, it opened out the far side and there was a utility mudroom off of it.

“You know, we could fit our whole building where we grew up in this house?”

The thought kind of awed Steve, if he were honest, despite living in the ninety-plus story Tower and the sprawling Compound complex. The apartment he’d had in D.C. would have fit him, his mom, Bucky, his family, and probably the O’Rileys on the first floor.

“If I think about that Punk, I get a little dizzy,” Bucky admitted. “What I liked about this place was we could secure it and it was a bolt hole without being an actual hole.”

That made sense on so many levels. “Protection.”

Bucky nodded as he opened one of the cabinets and pulled out the strangest snowshoes Steve had ever seen. “I wanted a place for us. I know Natalia gave you a lot of pushback when you talked about a house.”

“She had her reasons,” Steve could see them now. After the last few months, he understood more than ever. “It wasn’t just about staying at the Tower even if the Tower had become her home. It wasn’t just about Tony.”

“No,” Bucky agreed. “Step in and lock them on like skies.”

They were lighter than standard snowshoes and they were a bold blue. Buck’s were more black and silver. There were a pair of red and black ones and another set in red and gold—then red and blue up in the cabinet.

Nat, Tony, and Peter.

Steve shook his head and got the snowshoes on. He tugged the hat out of his pocket and tugged it over his head before Bucky sealed the door to the interior then opened the exterior door. Beyond was just—open land, forest, and snow.

It was still coming down, though just in light flakes and it was dark. Not true darkness, because there was going to be light on the horizon and the cloud cover couldn’t quite mute the moon’s reflected radiance. The snowshoes were barely noticeable as he took a couple of test steps. Though they had to push up to get out on top of the snow, he wasn’t sinking.

“Natalia lost the cabin,” Bucky told him. “Before she remembered—when we were there, it hit her. It was the home she’d been looking for over the years.”

That struck him like a blow to his chest, though Bucky wasn’t looking at him. They hadn’t really discussed the cabin, not since they’d returned and then after, it was all about Wakanda and saving her life, then restoring her memories.

“I can see that,” Steve exhaled. His breath left him in a cloud of vapor. “Any idea what way you wanna go?”

“You pick,” Bucky told him. “We’ve got over three hundred acres. Should be a quiet route.”

Steve snorted. “Quiet.”

“Just remember when you run, it’s not going to be as easy as on solid ground. Still packed powder out here. Don’t glide and watch how you hit with your weight.”

“Got it.”

They set off and Bucky was right, it was different, but Steve found his rhythm pretty quickly and they started pushing each other for speed. His blood pumping and his heart accelerating naturally—how long had it been since he’d just let go? Even in Wakanda, he hadn’t wanted to run. The chance of being far away when something happened had vied with his need for a workout. They had indoor tracks and he’d used them like he used the treadmill.

But running outside? The crisp winter air a burn on his face and the darkness a hushed blanket over the carpet of snow? This was pretty damn sweet. He followed the tree line, looking for a break. They could roam out here for hours and maybe that was a little bit more about what made this place attractive.

On the island, he’d run the beach every day. He’d run, pushing himself, the sand an obstacle and he’d reveled in the lack of any interruptions. Not that he didn’t like running in the city, New York would always be home.

“You wanna tell me what you’ve been chewing on with Sharon and Sam?” Bucky asked him after the first five miles.

“Just getting the team sorted,” he said. “Need them up to speed on expectations—and Sharon’s been giving me updates on Committee rumors.”

“Rumors?” The surprise in Bucky’s voice was something he’d shared when Sharon first broached the topic.

“She can’t give me direct information, it’s a conflict of interest with her duties. She’s their liaison, but she can tell me what she’s heard other people talking about and she’s plugged in. That’s how I know the marriage thing with Tony is clearing up some of the stoppages around Nat’s being actually cleared. There’s a rumor,” and he stressed  _ rumor _ , “that a group of delegates are pushing for that very move. They want to serve it up to soften our responses before we walk back into the Accords negotiations.”

Bucky snorted. “They really don’t want to piss him off.”

“No,” Steve said with a laugh. “He hasn’t backed down from them once where any of us are concerned and she’s been the one they stonewalled him on. Now they are going to have to break or they probably think he won’t play.”

“But they want the team to redraft the Accords, so they already blinked.”

“Well, if I had my way, I’d say get rid of them entirely,” Steve admitted. “But that wouldn’t be politic as Nat would say. If they are taking the foot of her throat in terms of negotiation, then I’m more willing to at least attempt to be reasonable.”

“They blinked.”

Which was what it boiled down to. Steve nodded. “Sharon’s keeping her finger on the pulse of that, she wants to track the temperature. The shift in who the delegates are is helping, but it would seem that Nat’s British friend is spearheading the effort with quiet support from other parties.”

“The kid she saved.”

Steve nodded. “Probably T’Challa, too. The French.” He made a face. Having now met that delegate, he was  _ not  _ impressed.

“Good. She doesn’t need to deal with those games,” Bucky said firmly. “Not sure I want to encourage her to be in on the drafting language.”

“She’s gonna be the best there is at that, Buck. You know she can parse language better than any of us, she’ll see the verbal loopholes and landmines.” Not that he disagreed. Natasha should be focused on  _ Natasha _ at the moment. Or Natalia. The fact she referred to herself in the third person hadn’t escaped him, but he understood it some. Bucky was still that way about the Soldier. Schisms demarcated their lives, that they could stitch together those wounds meant it would heal, the scar tissue would knit back together and fused bones were always stronger—but those took time.

Time he wanted her to have.

“Then we suggest limits,” Bucky mused. “Wasn’t Tony already planning to shift how they did the meetings?”

“Yeah,” Steve said. “Less hat in hand, more meet as equals.”

“That lets us control the environment more—or at least lets them do it. Minimize the intrusive questioning.”

“Maybe.” Though Steve had to laugh. “When she’s up for it, Nat likes the verbal play.”

“When she’s up for it,” Bucky agreed. “She doesn’t have to be up for a damn thing at the moment.”

“Agreed.”

They were pushing ten miles when Steve caught the first real break in the trees and he angled for it. The snow had gotten deeper, packing in drifts. No one had plowed through here and his legs had a mild burn going on from the concerted effort to run across it. It usually took him longer to even get to that mild sensation of effort.

“So, that’s good news. What else is eating at you?”

“I dunno, Buck, what’s on your mind?”

“Finding the psychologist and putting his head on a pike. Tracking down what happened precisely to Mary. Making sure Natalia and Peter are safe. Keeping an eye on Tony while they keep dancing around each other. Keeping my other eye on you, Punk.”

“I’m fine.”

“Yep. But you haven’t had someone to beat down for what happened.”

That was also true. “I’m all right, Buck. You know, I don’t always need the fight.”

Bucky laughed and despite himself, Steve started chuckling.

“You keep telling yourself that,” his best friend challenged.

“Jerk.”

“No, I’m right there with you. I could use a good fight. Clear-cut goals. Hard targets.”

The woods flowed out around them, the bare branches stretching skyward interspersed amongst the evergreens. The cold wasn’t burning his lungs anymore. He savored every crisp inhale, the scents of pine and cedar almost tangible on his tongue.

“As much as I could use that fight,” he finally confessed. “I don’t want to leave her to do it and I don’t want her in the middle of it anymore.”

That was what Bucky had been looking for.

“Steve, she’ll never sit it out.”

“I know.” He did. “Not having her there is like missing a piece of myself and at the same time, I want her safe. Hasn’t she fought enough?”

Bucky didn’t answer him. He didn’t have to. They’d known each other too long. It was the same reason Nat had been isolated in that cabin after they’d gotten away.

Finally, Bucky slowed and Steve had to switch gears as he nearly left him behind. Turning, he found Bucky standing with his hands on his hips as he stared upward. The light snow kept falling, but the skies were definitely getting brighter. Tracking to the east, Steve couldn’t see the first hints of the sunrise through the trees, but either it was obscured by cloud cover or not quite time yet.

“She’s fought more battles than I want to think about,” Bucky told him. “She’s still fighting them. But we can’t put her away and pretend like it’s what she wants or what she needs. Natalia… won’t be caged, Stevie. Even if I want to wrap her in cotton and keep the world a million miles away, I can’t do it. I won’t.”

“ _ If _ she gets pregnant again?” Because that was a real possibility. Her scars, a lot of them, were gone. Gone like they’d never been. Not all of them, she still bore the mark from where Bucky had shot her and there were a couple of others. Steve had been trying to catalog them without looking like he was cataloging them.

“She’ll put herself out,” Bucky told him. “They said it was possible, we don’t know if it will happen again.”

“But it happened once.”

“There were circumstances around it, Stevie. Things they did to her and to me.” He blew out a breath. “Seems really obvious now but I don’t know how much of a difference it made. Not things I’d want to put her through again to make it happen.”

“It’s a conversation we need to have.” One he’d avoided, even in his own head. “Not really sure how to approach it. But we have sex, we’re running the risk. If we use protection, then we aren’t just leaving it to chance.”

“If we use protection, we aren’t boosting her serum.”

There was that.

“Then we have to talk about it.” Especially if she and Tony continued on their path. It would affect all of them.

“Soon,” Bucky said. “Talking about it now will just…”

“It’ll hurt.”

Yeah, that he knew, too. But they needed to know how likely it would be. Shuri had done scans before they left.

“Think you’d be up for asking Shuri?”

Bucky frowned at him. “Asking Shuri, what?”

“She did those final checks before we left. The scans. She might know how much healed.” They’d had discussions with the doctors, things to watch for, things to be wary of and Strange had been adamant about keeping her out of any and all combat situations for a few weeks, longer if possible. Give her brain all the time it needed to recover from the trauma. That meant no sparring, too.

They wouldn’t be able to keep her locked down for that long.

“I can ask,” Bucky said slowly. “But I’d rather not go behind Natalia’s back.”

He wasn’t wrong.

“So we just take our chances?”

They shared a long look, their breath puffing in the air. “No,” Bucky said finally and that answer cost him. He wanted her to have another child and while he didn’t bring it up or even focus on it, nothing could be clearer to Steve. Buck wanted another baby and Steve couldn’t blame him. “I’ll talk to Natalia,” he said finally. “It might hurt, but she may take it easier from me and if she needs someone to run to after, you’re in the clear.”

Natasha didn’t run. Then again, she had come straight to him the day before when she’d needed someone. 

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know you didn’t, Stevie.” His troubled expression tore at Steve. “Between you and me?”

A sudden overwhelming sense of déjà vu hit him. Before Niagara and even after, he hadn’t wanted to push his relationship with Nat while he was holding Buck’s secret from her. But she wouldn’t let him betray Bucky, wouldn’t let him confide it in her. Their friendship, she’d stressed over and over, was too important.

Buck and Nat’s relationship was no less precious.

“Is this her secret?”

“Yes and no,” Bucky said slowly. “It’s mine, too.”

Steve shifted, then folded his arms. “Don’t betray anything she wouldn’t want me to know.” Secrets weren’t always about lying, sometimes they were about protecting yourself. In this case, protecting her. He didn’t want to interfere.

“I don’t know if it would occur to her to tell you,” Bucky said finally. “But I think you need to know because it’s part of why I feel the way I do.”

Blowing out a breath, Steve nodded slowly. “I’m listening. Whatever you need, Pal.”

“Before, before they came for us, we talked about having a second child…”

**Tony**

The persistent buzzing invaded his sleep and Tony peeled his eyes open to see the cat, staring at him. The loud—God it was loud—noise wasn’t a phone or an alarm clock, it was the cat purring at him. Lifting a hand, he ran it over the cat’s head and down her back. The purring increased in volume. It kind of resembled an outboard motor.

“Morning to you, too,” he mumbled and let his eyes close again. “Shh, five more minutes.”

Liho butted her head against his hand and he curled his fingers under her chin. She kept rubbing against his hand, winding over it and then she rolled and wrapped her legs around him. Though her teeth grazed him, she didn’t actually bite.

Cracking an eye open, he peered at her. “You want me to pet you, you don’t get to bite me.” Letting his hand relax, he waited her out and she let go and rolled back over to sit up. Then it was like she planted all of her weight on his bladder while staring at him like a sphinx.

Smart-ass.

“Yeah, you’re Red’s cat alright.” He groaned and gave her a gentle nudge so he could sit up. Raking a hand through his hair, he glanced at the windows. They weren’t smart glass, they didn’t darken and lighten on command. They might need to upgrade them.

A thought.

The sun was up.

Well, it was gray and cloudy, but lighter outside.

Scratching his jaw, he rose and stumbled toward the bathroom. “Morning, Friday. How’s she doing this morning?” He couldn’t shake that thousand-yard blank stare she’d had when he’d used the trigger words.

Nor could he escape the loss of all emotion from her voice. Blank.

Those words just emptied her out.

He  _ never _ wanted to see that again.

“Good morning, Boss. Nat is still asleep.”

Still asleep? She hadn’t slept past dark the last two days. Even in Wakanda, she’d been up before dawn and the change in location despite the time difference hadn’t altered that.

“Vitals?”

“Steady and all green. No distress detectable.”

“But she’s asleep?”

“Yes, Boss.”

Done, he flushed the toilet and straightened. The troubled thoughts displaced the relief of emptying his bladder.

“Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes are also out for a run. They asked me to notify you in case of any issues. But you both slept, so we maintained quiet.”

“Good.” He reached in and turned on the shower. “How long have the super twins been out?”

“About an hour, Boss. Tracking their location, they are about twenty-five miles out and moving on a circular route that should head them back this way soon.”

Twenty-five miles.

Tony shuddered.

He wasn’t opposed to a good run, but damn.

Just. No.

There was a reason his suit could fly.

He stripped off his sweat pants and t-shirt, then stepped into the shower. He’d ducked his head under the water when a complaining meow echoed from just outside the shower.

“Everyone’s a critic,” he told Liho. “I will get you food and coffee for the lady of the house as soon as I’ve showered. But I’m showering first.”

He needed to scrub out the cobwebs, shave, brush his teeth, and resemble something human. Then he’d go wake her up. Sleep was necessary to her recovery, but this was a lot of sleep and he was a little concerned they’d pushed it with the triggering.

The need to make sure she was actually all right outweighed other considerations. Plus, if he brought coffee, hopefully that would smooth over any potential grumpiness.

“Give me the rundown, anything else I need to know, Baby Girl?”

“Several calls from media outlets have been passed off to SI for the blanket statement you instructed them to issue or to Ms. Carter at the Compound if they were directly related to the Avengers. There are about five times that many calls for Nat requesting specific one-on-one interviews with Mrs. Stark, including Christine Everhart who appears to be very persistent. She has called daily.”

Tony snorted. “ _ She _ has?”

“Yes, Boss. Her, not her assistant. She also has two of Nat’s private numbers, neither of which are going to her current cell and I am maintaining the external block of all numbers not identified as teammates, personal friends, or Peter.”

“Good.”

“Keep putting them on hold.”

“There are also calls from the district attorney’s office for Nat.”

He ducked his head under the water and rinsed out the shampoo before he wiped his eyes and rolled a hand over in his head. “What do they want?”

“They will not say.”

“Then they won’t get a call back.”

Let them send a subpoena.

“I’ll let them know, Boss. Ms. Potts has also asked if you were available for a phone conference today or tomorrow. She would also like to speak to Nat.”

Tony sighed.

“Yeah, I’ll find time for Pepper and we’ll ask Red whether she wants to talk to her.”

“Next, Ms. Hill has also inquired as to Nat’s status, she’s currently working on tracking Dr. Richardson.” Oh, finding him would be good. Tony had several things he’d like to go over with the doctor. Painfully blunt things.

“I’ll see if Red wants to talk to her.”

“Next?”

Apparently, Friday had a list. “The delegates for Great Britain and Hungary have separately requested private meetings with you at your earliest convenience.”

“Okay.”

“Do you want me to RSVP?”

He scrubbed himself down, then rinsed off the soap as he tossed the ideas back and forth. “Just tell them I’ll be in touch when we’re back in the city.”

“Colonel Rhodes left a message that it would be nice if you’d check in and let him know you aren’t dead.”

Tony grinned. “I’ll call Rhodey later.”

With care, he shaved himself while still in the shower. He’d done it often enough he really didn’t need the mirror. His hair was getting long again. Probably wouldn’t kill him to get a trim.

“Is that it?”

“The last few messages are for you and Nat both, a series of congratulations, and a few threats that have been vetted by SI Security. They do not believe they are dangerous, but considering our recent round of threats, I flagged them and moved copies to our systems.”

Pausing, Tony scowled. “Threats against me or Red?”

“Against both of you, Boss.”

“Put copies on my StarkPad, I want to read them. Then do backtraces. I want to know where they came from.”

“Already working on it, Boss. I can pull Ms. Hill to deal with it if you wish. Logan has also asked to be kept in the loop if, and I am quoting here, ‘the Avengers need some pre-venging done. I don’t want to have to come drag Natty’s ass out of the fire again.’ End quote.”

He hadn’t really gotten to speak to Logan much. The Remy character was a bit much, but they both seemed to care about Red and they’d both come through for her. “Let me read them and then I’ll happily let him and Maria go break some bones if necessary.”

“They are now on your StarkPad, Boss. The last bit of business is a status report from Karen on Mr. Parker’s patrols. No significant issues to note, however, he did deal with a car chase night before last and he helped prevent a construction crane collapse last evening. Both made YouTube and have been trending for the last few hours.”

“Well, at least he had his clothes on, there are worse reasons to trend. Any injuries?”

“None. He handled it well, secured the crane and lifted a good portion of it clear before he set it down. The structural integrity of the crane itself had been compromised. Mr. Parker took samples and will bring them to the Tower tomorrow when he comes to see Nat.”

“I’ll be there to meet him then and bring him out.”

“I can fly him, Boss.”

Tony finished shaving and rinsed off once more before shutting off the water. “That Bucky’s plan?”

“Yes, Boss. There is still a quinjet here. I can operate it and bring him in, then fly it back.”

“Good deal.”

“That concludes your morning briefing, Boss. Any reminders you want me to set?”

“Just remind me I need to call Rhodey and Pepper later, thanks Baby Girl.”

“I will, Boss, and there’s a call for you right now from Mr. Parker.”

Of course, there was. Tony checked the time. It was just a little before eight. “Put him through.” He snagged a towel. “Morning, Pete, what’s got your engines lit first thing?”

“Mom’s not answering her texts.” The barest hint of panic in his voice quelled any snarky remarks.

“She’s asleep, Pete.”

Quiet.

“She’s fine, she’s just sleeping in today. She’s still recovering so sleep is the best thing for her.” He toweled off swiftly enough and double-checked his shave in the mirror. His goatee needed a trim too and that took him a couple of minutes.

“Oh.” The relief in that single syllable was palpable.

“Now, I know I’m a poor substitute for Red, but what can I do for you? Want to tell me about getting a churro? Need dating advice? What’s on the homework agenda?”

Peter laughed. “No, it’s not that. I was just—I like checking in with her. It’s weird, it’s only been a few days…”

“Pete, you’ve known her longer than a few days.” But he’d only really been able to claim her as  _ his _ for a few days and that Tony understood. “So, I get it. No explanations needed. What’s on the agenda then?”

He grabbed the discarded clothes from the floor and carried them into the bedroom to drop in the laundry before pulling out fresh clothes to wear.

“Got a couple of tests, should be easy. Having lunch with Liz. We have a new robotics project kicking off today. Programming code mostly. Should be a cinch. Though I’m kind of hoping they ask us to do AI programs, I don’t think they will.”

“Yeah? Why not?”

“The teacher said he’s not big on Skynet.”

Tony snorted. 

“Well, I’ve heard worse reasons. But if you want to build an AI, it’s not like you don’t have access to a genius-level instructor.”

“But we’re not supposed to stress Mom.”

Tony paused at the absolute silence following that statement. “Nice zing there, Pete. I’ll remember that when you want a lab upgrade.”

The kid laughed and Tony grinned. He shoved a hand through his hair and then snagged his phone from by the bed and shoved it in his pocket.

“Talked to Wanda lately?”

“Last night,” Peter admitted. “We talked as soon as I got back from patrol. We text a little, but she’s not big on it. She’s great on the phone, though.” And he was having lunch with Liz today.

Yeah, there were so many ways this could go bad. “Well, that’s something. How’s your aunt?”

“She’s great. Still pissed at you, but she said if Mom likes you there must be redeeming qualities.”

Another grin and Tony rolled his eyes. “Okay, time to lay out the big guns, what do I gotta do to get your aunt back on my side?”

“I think it will take time, Tony. She’s just really protective.” The apology hung there in his words. “But I’ll work on her.”

“Nah, it’s fine. I can take the lumps.”

“Mom’s really okay?”

“She’s really okay, Kid. I bet she’ll enjoy the texts when she wakes up, so give her something fun to read. Then we’re seeing you tomorrow, right?”

“Yep, three day weekend and May said I could stay until Monday night.”

“Good, Red will enjoy that. Now, get to school and make with the good grades and don’t do anything I wou—you know don’t do anything Steve wouldn’t do. That should minimize the risks.”

Peter burst out laughing. “So, breaking the law and going on the run is totally on the table?”

Tony rolled his eyes and stared at the ceiling. “Bye, Pete.”

“Bye, Tony.” But the kid was still chuckling when the call ended.

“Hey, Baby Girl?”

“Yeah?”

“Tell Pete that he shouldn’t do anything that would have his mom kill me, okay?”

“Will do, Boss.”

Downstairs, Tony flipped on the coffeemakers then checked for food. They’d need breakfast and the super twins ate a lot after a run.

“Boss, Mr. Parker’s response was a litany of ‘hahahahha’ and rolling on the floor laughing emojis.”

“Well, as long as he got the message.”

While he waited for the coffee to brew, he got the food out and fed Liho. She gave it a sniff when he didn’t add bacon and he smirked. “Next time don’t bite.”

She flicked her tail at him before she started to eat.

He got the second pot of coffee on its second pour, then filled two mugs—one for him and one for Natasha. Upstairs, he opened the door to her room quietly and glanced inside. Light filtering in the window gave her an almost ethereal air.

Despite all the years of knowing each other, he didn’t get to see her sleep that often. Even when they crashed out together, she was rarely so still or unguarded. A part of him was tempted to set the coffee cups aside and go leap on the bed, wake her like she had him the day after Christmas.

But he liked his life and his nuts where they were.

Better to let her know he was there than try to sneak up on her. He gave himself a moment longer to drink in the peaceful expression. Cloaky floated in the corner like a sentinel. Not wrapped around her like he often seemed lately, especially when she rested. That was a good sign, right?

“Rise and shine, Red,” he called as he pushed the door wider. “I come bearing the greatness of coffee and a witty companion to start your day.”

Her eyes flicked open as she rolled over to face him and the door. The drowsy look couldn’t disguise the brief moment of disappointment and terrible sadness crossing her face. It was enough to punch the air out of him. Then a sleepy smile warmed her expression and her eyes brightened a tad. “Witty companion?”

“Well, you’ll have to settle for me I’m afraid. But I do have coffee.”

Her smile deepened and she shoved up slowly, tousled hair tumbling over one eye and he didn’t swallow his tongue at the way the white t-shirt pretty much left nothing to the imagination.

Yeah, she was gorgeous and that wasn’t what he came in here for. He waited until she was sitting before he held out her coffee to her.

“Good morning, Tony,” she said.

“Morning, Red. How are you doing?”

She cradled the coffee in her hands and there was a bit of wistfulness as she said, “I want to say better but it takes a bit first thing.”

“Got it.” Because when you woke up and realized all the things you didn’t want to be real were, it could suck. “You want me to leave you to have your coffee?”

“No,” she said slowly. “I don’t really want to be alone.”

Easing onto the side of the bed, he sat. “Then you don’t have to be. What else do you need?”

After a sip of coffee, she said, “Talk to me?”

“About what?” The traces of that initial sadness seemed to linger and he wanted to fix it, desperately. “How about you tell me what kind of pony you want?”

The soft smile grew and then she grinned. “I want a surprise pony, of course.”

“Well, it’s hard to be a surprise if you keep asking me if everything is a pony.”

“But you’re my clever one,” she teased him. “I’m sure you’ll figure out something.”

Well, now that she mentioned it…

Liho bounded into the room and right up onto the bed. Natasha’s expression grew a bit brighter as the cat immediately motorboat purred her way onto her lap.

Couldn’t really blame the cat, he wouldn’t mind curling up there, too.

“You know what I want to do?” she murmured after stroking the cat for a while.

“Get a pony,” he said seriously. “Or so I gathered.” That earned him another laugh and a middle finger. Win-win. “What do you want to do?”

“I want to dance today.” She took another sip of her coffee. “Does that count as too strenuous?”

“Will it make you feel better?”

“I think so—want to watch?”

“Yes,” he said. “I really do. Promise not to overdo?”

“I’ll try, best I can do—sometimes I just let go to the music.”

“Timer, then?”

She considered it for a moment. “I can do that.”

Her gaze snagged on the note sitting on the nightstand and she reached over for it. Picking it up, she smiled as she read it.

“They’ll be back soon,” he told her. “And Pete called. Wanted to babble.”

“Hmm, I slept late,” she admitted. “I’ll text him.”

“He’ll like that.”

He’d love it, but that was fine.

“Friday,” Natasha asked. “How far out are James and Steve?”

“They are completing what looks like a loop, but they have their comms and said to contact them if you needed them.”

“Tell them I’m going to dance this morning, please.”

“I’ll pass the message on.”

“Thank you.”

Natasha’s gaze settled on him again. She set the coffee down and then scooted off the bed. Tony tracked the beautiful bare legs as she headed into the bathroom.

“Hey Red…”

“Hmm?”

“You are really making that shirt work for you.”

She grinned. “I’m not taking it off yet.”

“That’s all right, I have a very good imagination and memory.” He saluted her with the coffee cup as she laughed.

That was better.

Much better.

  
  



	8. Having You Near Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalia dances for the first time in weeks.

**Chapter Eight**

_ Having You Near Me _

**Natalia/Natasha**

The music flowed around her as she moved. Getting the shoes ready had taken her some time, the boxes had to be crushed in the new slippers and then Tony had insisted on taping her toes.

“They’ll heal,” she reminded him and that earned her such a sour look, she stopped arguing. “Or you can make out with my toes since you seem to have a thing for them.”

His swift grin replaced the dark expression even as he rolled his eyes. Once she had her shoes ready, she tied them on and began her stretch. Tony indulged her by stretching along with her. Catching his movements from the corner of her eye, she appreciated the looseness in his hips and shoulders. Where he’d once been rigid and stiff, he moved easier.

“Like something you see?” he teased as he went into the lunge and she grinned.

“Actually, I do. You’re looking good over there. Might have to change up your stretches.”

“Uh-uh. You can get all corrective on me later. Right now, I’m stretching to warm up while you warm up, then I’m going to sit in the corner with my coffee and enjoy the performance.”

Natalia laughed. “I better make it a good one, then.”

Unlike Tony, though, she was a lot stiffer than she cared to admit. Her muscles protested every elongation. Too many days of not working out and days spent in cryo. Pushing just past the point of pain let her ease the muscles where she wanted them.

The only consideration she gave herself was extending her stretch time. James and Steve made it back to the house by the time she called up her playlist.

“They are going to shower then head up, Nat,” Friday told her.

“Okay,” she’d said then glanced at Tony. “Do you need to refill your coffee?” He had before she’d come up and to run the guys coffee through the brewer one more time.

“I’m good,” Tony promised as he settled in the corner and stretched out his legs. “We’re going to have to get you some seating in here.”

Not answering, she closed her eyes after she’d moved to the center of the room. All night, she’d dreamt of Mary. Dreamt of little things she’d half-forgotten. Dreamt of things like her first steps. The sound of her laughter. Dreamt of waking to her curled up next to her, the scent of her shampoo in her hair. Waking to find out it was only a dream just left her aching. At the same time, Tony had been right there with coffee and a smile.

It helped.

Steve’s note helped.

The feel of the dog tags around her neck and the ring on her finger.

It all helped.

Peter’s messages helped.

But Mary was still gone and she was never getting her back.

Tears burned behind her closed eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Maybe she couldn’t compartmentalize the pain yet. Maybe she would never be able to do it again.

She could channel it though.

“Ballads playlist please, Friday,” she requested before she folded her whole body to the ground.

The music began slowly, each note unfolding as _The_ _Sounds of Silence_ came through the speakers. She stretched upward, elongating to melancholy notes. Every gesture exaggerated as the music began to climb. It was slow and she flowed from one position to the next. Lack of practice bled away as muscle memory took over.

Maybe she couldn’t compartmentalize the pain, but she could pour herself into the music and let it play out her pain. By the middle of the second stanza, she submerged and gave herself up to it. Every step carried her higher as she rippled, keeping every motion as smooth as silk, blowing in the wind created by the notes

As the last one fell away, she froze, body twisted with one leg and arm extended to the ceiling. The next song began to play and Evanescence teased her senses. She’d always loved this song, bittersweet and teasing.

Now she got it.

_ Bring Me To Life… _ As with the first song, she moved with graduated slowness, riding through the balladic lyrics, but increasing in speed as the beat grew. A flip, then a pirouette and then with a sauté she was en pointe. Her body’s alignment placed perfectly as she stepped to the beat. Sharper motions were demanded and she dropped as the notes fell then let them pull her up, a doll on a string as she “came to life” and stretched, rolling out her upper body from her hips in a sway, that grew stiffer as she came to center.

Pirouettes flowed from her as she snapped out her leg and came back to center, over and over again, then she crossed the floor in a series of leaps as the guitar and drums kicked in.

Every gesture sharp and biting, she fought through the dance. Everything faded save for the movement and the music. Every kick stretched her further. Every leap went higher. Landing en pointe, she rocked out to the beat. The ballads would only get fiercer and she reveled in the emotion.

_ Hey, Little Fighter  _ slowed the tempo and she worked through a series of transitions, pulling contemporary elements into the ballet—twisting, turning, and writhing through each note.  _ Some Like You _ by Adele nearly drove her to tears because as she moved, images of Mary practicing her ballet steps intruded.

Hours of dancing with her.

Dancing at the cabin as she fought the changes to her center of gravity brought on by the pregnancy.

Soothing her as she sang to her while she hiked over the mountains.

Dancing in their tiny apartment and rocking with her long after she went to sleep.

_ I hate you, I love you _ rolled out of the speakers and like the earlier songs it struck out at her. So much of what she’d listened to over the years, the songs that provoked her, that she danced to—they meant more than she’d realized. The slower pace, let her get her breathing under control. The sports bra had already soaked through. Her legs burned, but she craved the physical discomfort. It was so much more familiar than the gaping hole in her chest.

Coldplay segued to Queen then back to a classical piece and so on. Every song designed to pour out the soul until she could empty it out.

But she didn’t think hers would ever run dry, so she moved with the music.

When the last song ended, she was on her knees panting and her head was down. Every muscle trembled and sweat dripped off her face. She didn’t have to look up to know Steve and James had arrived. None of them moved as she knelt there. Divorced from her body for so long, the sensations rushed in.

Swallowing once, she forced her head up and glanced at them via the mirrors. The quiet awe in their expression matched the concern. Rising, she winced as her legs protested and her feet complained.

James took a step forward as she turned. “Hey…” She was still trying to get her breathing back where it belonged. Too much downtime.

That had to change.

Even if she wasn’t going back in the field immediately, she couldn’t afford to be this lax.

If there were tears on her face, she couldn’t tell. Sweat rolled off of her. “I think I’m a little out of shape.”

“I think your shape is pretty damn fantastic,” Tony said, the wonder in his voice not quite syncing to the concern in his eyes. “Hell, Red—I really had no idea.”

“You’re always phenomenal,” Steve agreed, but there was no mistaking the real worry in his eyes.

“Beautiful, Natalia,” James said simply. “But you may have overdone it.”

Always ready with the correction. “I know,” she said. “I knew I’d get lost in the music if I let myself, it’s why I chose a short playlist.”

“That was a short one?” Tony asked, eyes narrowed and she gave him a graceful shrug.

“I’m going to shower. Then maybe food.”

She sat to remove her ballet shoes, they were as soaked as she was. The room stunk of her sweat and the door to it was open, letting cooler air in to circulate. It smelled like a training room now.

“We’ll go get food started,” Tony offered, then he and Steve left, leaving her with James who came to kneel as she stripped off the second shoe.

His sigh echoed in the quiet. She glanced to where Steve and Tony had been then and then to James as he flattened the heel of his hand to her instep. The stretch was almost too much and pain flash-fired along her leg as he got her foot to straighten from its cramped position.

“Lie down,” James ordered. “Near the wall.” He all but hauled her up before she could protest.

“I need a shower,” she argued. If her arms weren’t almost as sore as her legs, she’d knock him on his ass.

“Yes,” he agreed. “You also get two for that.”

Rolling her eyes, she laid against the cool wooden floor and tried not to sigh in relief as it helped her flushed body. He planted her foot against the cool stone wall and then the other. The stretch hurt like hell, but she got them both flat.

“Natalia,” he said, aggravation in every syllable.

She laughed. “You haven’t sounded that annoyed with me since I refused to yield a spar.”

He glared at her. “It’s not funny.”

“It kind of is, milli moi,” she said, smiling. “And as much as this hurts, it hurts far less than sobbing at the moment.”

“No, Natalia, no pain is funny,” he scolded, though the irritation in his tone diminished. When he started massaging her calves, she almost did cry.

“ _ Fuuuuck. _ ”

“An hour,” he said. “You haven’t moved like this in weeks and you go  _ over _ an hour.”

“But I made it,” she said. “I didn’t falter. Not once.”

“Not even when you were shredding yourself.” The knowing in his face was inescapable. “How bad, Doll?” All at once the Soldier drained out of his voice and he was James.

“Just good dreams turn to bad ones when I first wake up.” The cool of the stone beneath her feet helped the ache. He concentrated and working along her calves then to her quads. That burn was going to be vicious shortly.

“Did it help?” He met her gaze.

“Did the run?” Because he wasn’t fooling her.

“Some,” he admitted.

“Same.”

Sighing, he bent to press a kiss to her lips. “Don’t hurt yourself. Please?”

“I wasn’t trying to hurt myself,” she promised, lifting a hand to stroke his cheek. The bristles of growth were rough on her palms. “You need a shave.”

“Was thinking of asking you for one later,” he said.

She smiled slowly. “I’d like that.”

“But first,” he offered his hand as he spoke. “Let’s get you into the shower, lyubov moya, and then I will put liniment on your legs. We’ll see if your feet need bandaging… though you would be better off putting socks on them so Tony and Steve don’t see.”

She glanced at the bruised and abused toes. Even the tape hadn’t protected them.

“Probably a good idea.” She clasped his hand and let him pull her up. The cramps in legs eased some, but they were definitely shaky as she took a step.

“You good for the stairs?”

Bless him for asking.

“I can do it. Won’t be pretty.”

He snorted but went ahead of her and she didn’t comment on the fact he was ready to catch her if she stumbled. But she didn’t miss a step. The shower helped, tremendously, the hot water pounding on her abused muscles helped as she stretched in the shower.

When she finished, she wrapped a towel around her and stepped out to find him studying her feet. At his nod, she glanced at them. They looked a little better.

“Already closing,” he commented.

“Not nursing bad injuries I guess.” It wouldn’t go a long way toward settling him down, but he only nodded again. So, maybe it would.

After toweling her hair, she reached for her lotion and he helped spread it along her back and then down along her legs. Natalia closed her eyes as he worked his fingers into the warmed muscles with a combination of the linenment and the lotion. When she swayed a little, he put a hand on her hip and glanced up with a smile.

“Am I losing you?”

“Never,” she promised. “Just that feels good.”

“Good.”

Rising, he paused only to press a kiss to her tummy and it threw her back to when she was pregnant. To when he began that little ritual of kissing her stomach each day and how he could put his hand over the bump and settle Mary down even when she was active.

Tears clawed at her throat and she sighed.

James wrapped her up tight to him and she pressed her face to his shoulder. She wanted the tears to stop, but the ache intensified with every breath.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, one hand against her wet hair. “I didn’t think.”

“No,” she said. “It’s…just the memories.”

“I know,” he answered her. “I know.”

They stood there for a long time until the tears slipping down her face ceased and her breathing evened. The strength in his embrace kept her upright until she could stand again. When she lifted her head, she found his face was as damp as hers. Carefully, she swiped away the tears.

He knew.

They both did.

“Nat, Sergeant Barnes?” Friday intruded softly. “Boss wanted to let you know breakfast was ready when you were.”

“Thanks, Friday, tell them we’ll be down shortly,” James said, but he made no attempt to let her go. Dipping his forehead, he rested against hers.

“Of course,” Friday said and then she went quiet again.

“Tell me,” she said softly. Something moved in his eyes, something he was holding back.

“Steve and I were talking about you earlier,” he admitted. “About how much the cryo and other procedures healed—and whether we needed to take precautions if you aren’t ready for the chance at a pregnancy.”

Everything in her rejected the possibility. The pain. The loss. It was all too fresh.

Too raw.

“Okay,” was all she said. “I don’t know if that’s…really a possibility.” The scans she’d gone through that last day had all been for her head. Had they done full-body scans? All she’d wanted was to be done and out of there. “I guess I can ask Stephen or call Shuri.”

Not that she wanted to earn another trip to medical.

“Helen said it was possible for me to heal, especially with the serum boosts.”

“And you have Steve boosting you now,” James said slowly. “Not just me.”

Steve had the more perfected version of the serums they carried.

“I don’t want to not boost your serum,” James continued. “But I also don’t want you to blindsided again.”

The first time had been a shock.

She nodded slowly.

“We talked about having another one before,” she mused aloud and he brushed his fingers down her cheek. “We’re not those people anymore, James.”

“I know we’re not,” he admitted. “I’ll live with whatever you decide. But I will never say no to seeing you pregnant again.”

Live with whatever she decided. “We’ll figure it out.” The scars. It was because the scars had faded. She stepped back and glanced down at her abdomen. He followed her gaze and then pressed two fingers to the scar.

“It’s much smoother and smaller.”

The one in her shoulder was gone.

So many of them were gone.

“You’re picturing me pregnant right now, aren’t you?” The sardonic note was the right way to go. Natalia needed to alleviate the tension for him. Her Soldier could get so singularly focused.

“Yes,” he admitted, then dragged his gaze up to hers. “You are always beautiful, but I loved how you looked.”

“Fat and ungainly was how I looked, with a shifting center of gravity.”

He snorted. “Exceptional. Gorgeous. And I didn’t complain a bit about what it did to your breasts.”

Eyes rolling, she smacked him lightly. “You already have to share them with Steve. You are going to cut into your time with them if we do.”

“I don’t care,” he admitted. “Totally worth it.”

The playfulness evaporated. “I don’t know if I’m ready.” He deserved the truth. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. We had no choice before, we had to protect her—what right do I have to do that to another child? To put him or her in that position?”

“The position of being your child? They would be damn lucky, Natalia.”

Even with their lives in flux?

“Believe this if you believe nothing else,” James told her sternly. “You are a magnificent mother. We protected Mary with everything we had. We beat them.  _ You _ beat them. This time? We will have so many more allies in our corner.  _ They _ are gone.”

Was anyone ever really gone?

“I know,” she said, needing to soothe him even as he wanted to soothe her. “I do know, James. I promise.”

“But it’s too fresh right now.”

She nodded slowly. “There’s the team and Peter and…”

“Natalia, I accept all of that, but I want you to remember two things: First, you aren’t responsible for the whole team. You got them together. You built the bridges and helped forge the connections. They can thrive even if you only keep one hand on the wheel.”

The echo of her words about the Accords struck her.

“And second, Peter is ours. Yours, mine, Tony’s, Steve’s—he’s not alone either. I don’t doubt for a second that Spider-Punk wouldn’t enjoy a younger sibling, eventually. Everything else? We’ll figure it out.”

Grazing her teeth over her lower lip, she nodded slowly. “I will remember, I promise.”

“But you’re still stubborn.”

“It’s why you love me.” There wasn’t a doubt in her mind.

“Da, God help me,” he admitted. “It is definitely one of the reasons I love you.” He kissed her gently. “Now get dressed so we can feed you and alleviate some of Steve’s worries.”

“Is he really worried about it?”

“He’s really worried about you. No more choices taken from you, Natalia. None. Either it’s made with you or they aren’t made.”

That—that helped.

“I love you.”

Another kiss. “This doesn’t change the two you earned.”

“Well,” she said, smiling slowly as she headed for the closet and her clothes. “Then I guess when I say we should put all sex on hold until I decide that won’t change anything either?”

“You really want another ten, don’t you?” The husky growl in his words sent a shiver straight through her.

Glancing over her shoulder, she winked. “I won’t say no.”

To anything.

Understanding kindled in his eyes and he grinned slowly. “Ten it is, Doll. Ten it is.”

That really shouldn’t send languid heat through every part of her system, but it so did. “Good to know,” she teased, keeping it light. “A girl has to have goals.”

His laughter-filled groan just made her smile wider.

Goals like figuring out whether she really could risk that again, even with all the help and support.

She’d take the time and call today.

That couldn’t wait, no matter how much she’d like to forget about it for the time being.

By the time she emerged, she had her playful smile in place though and there was relief hovering in James’ expression. That had been a difficult topic for him to broach. But he’d handled it beautifully. It wasn’t fair to him to not take his needs and wants into consideration, too. He wanted another child. Had for a long time...

“Think there will be any food left after we took so long?”

He snorted as he took her hand. “If not, we’ll make more.”

They could do that, too.

~~~

Breakfast alternated between relaxed and tense. Tony had a dozen different things on his mind and when he wasn’t engaging, he focused elsewhere. Steve and James seemed much the same way. Natalia couldn’t fault them when she had the same problem. They were supposed to be relaxing and yet…

“Do we need to take another ninety minutes to tackle the things bothering everyone?” The question snared all of their attention.

“After yesterday, Angel, none of us want to see you have to deal with that again.”

“I didn’t just mean the triggers, Steve,” she told him, folding her arms to rest on the table as she moved her gaze from one man to the next. “I can’t do anything about those at the moment.” Though she would call Stephen. “But that’s not the only issue at this table.”

“It’s among the only issues we care about,” Tony deflected. “This is about you resting and recovering, not taking on new problems.”

Tilting her head, she raised her brows. “Tony…”

“Don’t you do it, Red.” He pointed a finger at her. “No spy whammy.”

She blinked slowly. “I just said your name.”

“That’s where it starts. You say my name like you already know what’s going on and you just want to coax me into discussing it so I can get it off my chest. No dice. We’re looking after you at the moment.”

Propping her chin in her hand, she said, “All right.”

“And another thing, don’t pretend to be cooperative because you want to lull me into a false sense of security. We’ve got everything under control, mostly. Things are good with the Accords right now, aren’t they?” Tony looked at Steve. “We’re getting good feedback based on that last update from Sharon.”

Sliding her gaze to Steve, she waited a beat as he sighed and then said, “It would seem the Committee is very  _ committed _ to smoothing the way. Instead of just stopping the pursuit of the charges, they may very well just exonerate you to clean the slate.”

“See,” Tony said. “We’ve got it handled. We get to write the first draft of the new Accords and those meetings take place on our schedule. Since you and I are on an extended honeymoon—we have all the time in the world.”

Natalia flicked a look to James who just shook his head. He wouldn’t participate. Returning to Tony, she smiled. “Good to know.”

“See,” Tony said with a wince. “There you go again. Everything is fine, Red. Let’s talk about what you want to do today—how we can swing that date. Pete’s here tomorrow and he’s going to hog all your time. Rightfully so, but you don’t have to worry about the rest. Pepper and Maria can wait. Logan’s good, too. Clint’s doing great with Laura, right? He said that in yesterday’s call.”

“The whole team is doing well. We’re going to look at some active recruitment once we sort out the Accords. Bring in people to fill in so we can ease how much time all of us spend on the frontlines. I want to be able to keep our options open.” Steve was looking a few moves ahead. Filling in the roster wouldn’t be easy, but she could appreciate the desire.

“And someday,” James said as he rose, collecting her empty coffee cup and plate. “You two are going to learn that arguing with Natalia to tell her what you aren’t going to tell her, tells her exactly what she wanted to know.”

“Someday,” Natalia agreed. Head tipped back, she smiled at James. “You?”

“I told you my thoughts,” he admitted and gave her a kiss. “Now discuss your date. I feel the urge to give Tony advice and I want to hear the debate.”

They glanced toward Tony and Steve who were staring at them both with unamused expressions, though Steve’s eyes twinkled and Tony’s nostrils flared just slightly—both tells.

“Spy whammied again,” Tony said with an almost sorrowful shake of his head.

“And I’d have gotten away with it too if not for those meddling kids.” The quote cut right through Tony’s mock scowl and he threw his head back, laughing.

Steve gave her a bemused look. “I don’t know that quote.”

From behind her, James said, “It has to be a movie.”

If anything that made Tony laugh harder.

There was so a Scooby-Doo marathon in her future.

Oh well, there were worse things.

~~~

They cleaned up breakfast and Natalia waited on the kettle to heat water for tea.

“So,” Steve said, as he put the last plate in the dishwasher. “Date ideas.”

His attention was on Tony, so was James’ though James was brewing another pot of coffee for him and Steve.

“We’re limited by location,” Tony mused.

“True,” Steve argued. “But my first two dates with Nat were also limited to the Tower and we made that work.” His quick grin made her smile. They’d made that work very well.

Tony smirked. “That sounds like a challenge.”

Spreading his hands, Steve said, “I just mean that you work with what you have. It’s not where you’re going that’s the important part.”

“True,” Tony said.

“Then again, Natalia deserves to have fun and to be treated like a queen,” James said.

“Also true.” Lips pursed, Tony frowned. Natalia didn’t roll her eyes, but she did pour the hot water over the tea.

“We could do a movie night, cuddling on the sofa, wine for the lady, water for me. But we can do that anytime.” Head cocked to the side, Tony frowned. “I’d say we could slip out in the photostatic veils, but we’re not looking at tempting fate with a field trip…”

He paused.

“No,” Steve said.

“I second that,” James added.

Glancing at the three of them, Natalia waited.

“You don’t even know what the idea is.”

“It involved leaving,” Steve reminded him. “Not a good idea yet.”

“No… but I have a different one now. Just need a couple of hours—maybe three.”

He pivoted to look at her.

“Oh, I get to be included in this little discussion now?” The remark made James smirk and Steve bit back his own smile as Tony considered her.

“Nope,” he said finally and that did have her eyebrows raising. “You get to be surprised.”

Moderately intrigued, she folded her arms. “Are you getting me clothes?”

“Yep,” he said. “Don’t worry, Friday and I know the sizes. All you have to do is relax today. Enjoy yourself and I’ll take care of everything.” Then he paused. “Trust me?”

A request and a challenge in two words.

“Yes.”

“Perfect,” he dropped a kiss on her lips, then smacked Steve on the shoulder. “Need to borrow you, Cap.” And he was off.

Steve glanced at her with a wry grin. “He needs to borrow me.”

“Hmm.” Warmth unlocked inside of her at his amused expression. “Long as he gives you back.”

“Don’t worry, Angel, nothing could keep me away.” He gave her a softer kiss and then he followed after Tony.

“I guess it’s back to just us…” She glanced at James. “What would you like to do?”

“Make you smile.”

She grinned. “Mission accomplished.”

“If only all of them were that easy.” He nodded to her tea. “What about you, Doll?”

“I need to do some research,” she admitted. “Probably call Pepper since Tony said she wanted to talk to me. Maybe Maria.”

“Can they wait?”

Pulling a jar of jam from the fridge, she said, “You don’t want me to risk talking to them?”

“Yes and no. Pepper—is going to want to explain herself. I don’t think she’s a threat, but I also don’t think you should have to make her feel better about a choice she foisted onto you and Tony.”

Not an unfair assessment. Then again, Natalia understood Pepper’s strategy, too.

“Maria I don’t trust.” Plain and simple.

“Well, I can’t argue with the second one. But I do need to talk to her, there are things that have gone unsaid for a long time.”

“But saying them now can’t change then.”

“It’s not about changing the past,” she admitted. “It’s about burying some of it and letting go of the rest. But I understand why you are wary of me speaking to her.”

“I won’t tell you no.”

“Good,” she said. “Because I really don’t want to have that fight.”

He met her gaze evenly. “And I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“A phone call isn’t going to hurt me—and trigger words or not, Friday is blocking all but a handful of numbers to my phone which means she is also capable of monitoring the calls. I’m assuming she kept a record of the triggers words.”

“I did, Nat, but I have them encrypted under several layers and stored on an independent server. I can erase them if that would make you more comfortable.”

Spooning the jam into her tea, she said, “That’s fine. But you would know if they began the keying sequence.”

“Yes. And I would block the call immediately and inform Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes, and Boss.”

Natalia held out her hand as if to say ‘see’ and James sighed. “The research is into Mary, isn’t it?”

She nodded once.

“I won’t ask you to put that off but I will ask that we limit the time spent.”

It didn’t surprise her at all that James planned to help. “Ninety minutes work for you?” She could do a lot in that time.

“Then after we do something fun.” It wasn’t a question.

“Take me on in the combat game?”

The corners of his mouth curved. “I’d like that.”

“Me, too.”

“Do you want privacy for your calls or can I hang out?”

Translation, could he also be on guard with Friday?

Stroking his cheek, she said, “I would love your company.”

The tension bled out of him as he cupped her face and gave her a gentle kiss. “Thank you for indulging me.”

“You indulge me, milli moi.”

“Anytime I can.”

Tea in hand, she asked, “Where do you want to do this?”

~~~ 

They ended up in the library. The room was warm and inviting. Friday lit the fire and Natalia settled on the sofa nearest it with James next to her. She slid her legs into his lap when he tugged them. He’d gone down to his lab and returned with one of her bags—including her laptop, StarkPad and a second one for him.

He set the bag on the coffee table, then pulled them out one at a time. “I don’t know if the laptop has a charge,” he admitted. “It hasn’t been out since…”

“Before Christmas,” Natalia said. “It’s fine. We can plug it in and let it charge. The StarkPads are fine or we can ask Friday for a holoscreen.”

Curling his fingers over her ankle, he began to rub her calf gently. The massage was nice.

“Friday, are Steve and Tony still preoccupied?”

“Yes, Nat. Do you need me to ask them to join you?”

“No, just let them know we’ll be busy for a bit and tell Tony I am going to call Pepper and probably Maria.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

“Work on Mary or call Maria first?”

He made a face. She’d never linked the names before and then just shook her head.

“Doll, call her but be careful, okay?”

“You’re right here,” she almost moaned the last as he hit a particularly sore spot in her calf. “Though I don’t know if I can talk to her while you’re doing that.”

His smile grew a little wicked. “You always did like a challenge.”

She narrowed her eyes. “I see. Friday unblock Maria’s number please and put a call through for me?” Then, Natalia reached over to run her fingers down his left arm and he grinned. “Game on, milli moi.”

He continued his massage up her calf as the phone rang and she settled back against the arm of the sofa and reclaimed her mug.

“Hill,” Maria answered.

“Hello, Maria,” Natalia said quietly and the sudden silence on the other end of the phone was telling. Meeting James’ gaze, she hid a smile behind the mug before taking a sip.

“You’re okay.” Two words populated by a wealth of relief. “All I could get out of Friday was pretty much nothing then there’s the BS story that you and Tony got married.”

“Well, not so BS,” Natalia told her. “But I am all right. Thank you for your concern.”

“What do you mean not so BS?”

“Irrelevant to the conversation,” Natalia answered. Maybe she should have waited to do this face to face. “Look, Maria…thank you for going after Ross and for bringing him in.”

“My pleasure,” she said. “Though technically, he was dropped on the stone in front of the U.N. and I was not involved. But if I had been…”

“Of course.” That sounded like Maria. “You should know something.”

“I’m listening.”

“I remember.”

Dead silence and James’ massage ceased. Their game stuttering to a halt.

“How much?” Maria asked finally.

“I know you asked me to do it, but you weren’t the only one who asked,” Natalia said slowly. “And I know you asked if I wanted you to tell me what happened if it was successful. If you had told me what I had volunteered for—it would have violated orders. It would have put you in an untenable position. The point of the exercise was to erase key memories of a specific period of time. It was the only way to save those SHIELD agents.”

James frowned.

“You told me no,” Maria said quietly. “You said to hold the line and do the mission.”

“And you’ve paid a price for keeping your word to me.”

A huff of breath. “You paid a bigger one because you did the mission. You always did the mission.”

Natalia shrugged even if she couldn’t see her. “It’s who I am.”

“I know it is. You made me crazy. Still do.”

The corner of her mouth curved. “That’s because you are too much of a rule follower. You like everything in neat, precise rows. It’s how you were able to keep your word to me.” And why Natalia owed her. “I’m sorry that I blamed you for that. I didn’t know. I didn’t…”

“You couldn’t know,” Maria interrupted. “It was why I changed my mind that day at the Tower. You were reacting based on the information you had and honestly, we didn’t look good. We still don’t look good. I don’t agree with all the decisions that were made then or now.”

“We do the best we can with what we know. You and me? We’re all right.”

“All right enough to get a glass of wine sometime?”

Natalia glanced at James. “Eventually,” she said. “But only wine.”

“I got that,” Maria said. “Friends works for me, Romanoff. Might even be something novel for us.”

“Possibly. Do you still need Clint and I for that trip?”

“When you’re ready,” she answered. “You really are all right? I saw that footage. You took a hell of a hit.”

“I’m tougher than I look,” Natalia answered. “And I’m all right. Probably taking a little longer for the honeymoon, then I’ll be back to work.”

“Honeymoon. There’s a story there, and I’ll ply you with merlot until I get it.”

Natalia chuckled. “You can try. You know I don’t kiss and tell.”

“But trying is half the fun.” The more she spoke, the more relaxed Maria seemed to be. “Take care of yourself, Nat. Don’t be a stranger?”

“I’ll do my best. Goodbye, Maria.”

Then the call ended and she took another sip of tea before James’ stroked his hand over her calf again. “Someone else asked in addition to Maria?”

“Yes,” Natalia told him.

“Who?”

She licked her lips. “I’ll tell you but I would prefer you do not tell Clint—or Steve or Tony for that matter. At least not now. It doesn’t change anything and it would only distort memories they don’t need distorted—and Friday, lock the last thirty seconds and the next couple of minutes to my voice authorization only.”

“Done.”

James nodded. “You have my word, Natalia.”

“His name was Phil Coulson. He was my handler at SHIELD for nine years…he died just before the Battle of New York. Loki killed him. He was a good man…but the Guest House, the work they did there, it was under his oversight. The people who were suffering were his people. Maria got me there, but Phil asked for my help.”

“You couldn’t tell him no.”

“I didn’t want to. Phil…it’s hard to explain, but I trusted him. Clint and I both did. He always had our backs. He backed us with Fury and with the Council. Nothing came down on us that he wouldn’t stand between us and them. He was a good man. Losing him, when we did—really messed Clint up. They’d been friends before Clint brought me in. If not for Phil…if he hadn’t stood up for Clint, maybe Fury and the others never went for my rehabilitation.” She laughed. “He was a big ol’ nerd and huge Captain America and the Howling Commandos fan. He even had trading cards of Steve.”

“Sounds like you really liked him.”

“Yeah, I’ve never had another handler like him. He actually cared what happened. Used to get on my case when I got too hurt, never thought getting the crap kicked out of me was a good plan, but never got in the way of me needing to do my job. He wanted to get to know me and he was patient even when I was prickly and unapproachable.” Which had been most of the time. “I nearly stabbed him once—because of stuff that happened, the chair and the stuff Richardson was doing. It was messing things up and I was having flashbacks. For a second, I saw Karpov and then I realized it was Phil and I stabbed myself instead.”

She sighed.

“He never reported me for it, he never looked at me differently. He just tried to understand. Even when I handcuffed myself to the bed and wouldn’t leave my quarters. He just kept trying. They don’t need to know that I did it for Phil. I know, and that’s enough for me.”

He nodded slowly. “I’ll keep it to myself, Doll. I’m sorry you lost him. Kind of explains why Clint really didn’t want to go to that grave though.”

“Yeah, that was a shitty thing to do. Figured he would never need it, but it was a place I knew it would be secure and no one would think to look.”

“Clint went, even if he didn’t want to be there, Doll. He went. Cause it’s what you do when you care. Just like you helped Phil’s people… did it work?” Curiosity filtered into his gaze.

“Yes,” Natalia said slowly. “Before they mothballed it, he saved all of the patients in the program. Then it stayed mothballed until Nick sent me back to reopen it. Only then I didn’t remember it had been Phil’s or what happened, we just needed to protect the Avengers.”

“Nat?” Friday said. “The two minutes was up, but I have locked the rest of the conversation for you.”

“Thank you, Friday. What’s up?”

“Boss asked if you would hold the call to Ms. Potts until he is free to join you.”

“Okay,” she said, setting her phone down. James tugged her legs back and went to work on her left foot. “You don’t want to do the research do you?”

“I do,” he said slowly. “And I don’t.”

“Because once we start…”

“You’ll figure it out,” he said quietly. “I know you, Natalia. You will unravel the thread and pull it apart. When we know…”

They would act.

“I have to know.” She sighed. “I don’t think Peter even knew they worked for the CIA. He described his father as an engineer and his mother as a linguist. She traveled with him.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want to tell you about her work,” James said slowly.

“No, he told me about his parents that first night I met with him. I got most of his life story out of him that night. The fact they died when he was so young.” If she could keep it at arm’s length, she could almost process it without the gaping hole inside of her growing any larger. “His dad was an engineer. They traveled a lot. His mom spoke languages and helped translate for him. They did a lot of work in South America, the Middle East, Asia…some European locations.”

“A good cover then.”

Natalia nodded once. “They were both CIA agents. When Nick sent me to investigate the downing of the plane, he said it was a favor for a friend. The friend was a CIA Director. I was in the region—relatively speaking. I could get there faster. I found the bomb fragments in the debris and I secured the black box. Then I turned it over and was sent on a different op.”

She sighed, the ache spreading wide again.

“I didn’t really think about it again. It was a job. I did my part.” She hadn’t put it together right away when Peter told her about his parents. “I was there, James and I don’t know. The debris spread out over fifteen miles. There was no way anyone could have survived and no signs they bailed out before the explosion.”

“You’re sure it was an explosion and not just a crash?” It was a fair question.

“My memory says yes, but I have no concrete facts to work with. But I’d know the bomb…I could put it together. I can see the pieces.”

He pressed his thumbs into the arch of her foot. “Describe it.”

Closing her eyes, she pictured each piece as she’d laid them out, documenting them for the report. It had taken her the better part of two days to find all the scattered pieces. Materials. Potential yield. Detonator.

“Any idea of the mechanism? Manual, timer, or was it airspeed and altitude?”

“No, I never found that part,” she said slowly as she opened her eyes.

“Who took over the investigation?”

“NTSB, FBI, Turkish officials.”

The plane had gone down in Turkey.

James frowned. “Do we have a report?”

“Unfortunately, Sergeant Barnes, both Nat and I have looked for this report since she requested it after beginning Peter’s training. It does not exist. I’ve combed through SHIELD files, including all of those Nat dumped on the net, there is no mention of this plane crash or the files. Accessing FBI servers has turned up nothing nor has accessing the foreign service in Turkey. Beyond a few minor news reports, it’s like it didn’t happen.”

His expression tightened. “Of course you were already looking.”

“It’s Peter, but there were distractions and I never quite got back to it.” Again. Though she didn’t add those words.

“And that’s why you’ll want to see Fury again.” It wasn’t a question. Natalia nodded.

“Nick sent me. Nick had me gather that info for a reason, then Nick pulled me. I have a feeling none of us were supposed to be there.”

“Then he should know.”

She nodded.

James exhaled and then rubbed a hand over his face.

“We put together everything we can before you speak to him and you do not speak to him alone.”

Tears burned in her eyes at James’ plan.

“Not alone, Natalia. When we do this…”

She covered his hand. “We do it together.”

Mary was their daughter.

“Friday…pull every file we can find, every news report, every passing mention of that flight. There had to be a flight log. I also want to track where the Parkers were in the weeks and days leading up to the crash.”

“How far back, Nat?”

“Six months. We’ll start with six months.”

“Beginning search, scan, and compilation. This could take a while.”

“Understood.”

Pushing the mug aside, she crawled over to straddle James’ lap and he wrapped his arms around her. Tucking her head against his shoulder, she closed her eyes.

“I’m here, Natalia.”

“I know.”

She did. But so was the ache.

When he stood, she trusted him to keep her balanced.

“Friday,” James said. “Play some slow jazz.”

The soft, mournful horns began and when he started to move slowly, she smiled.

“Are you dancing with me?”

“Hmm,” he said. “You noticed.”

He let her ease her legs down and then took her hand as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

“Just us,” he reminded her. Pressing her cheek to his shoulder, she let him lead and smiled as he moved slowly, swaying with each step.

James was dancing with her.

He was safe. They were together. He was dancing with her. 

**Steve**

“You sure about this?” On some levels, he couldn’t believe he was even asking the question and at the same time, he found himself amused by the manic energy rolling off Tony.

The other man was nervous. 

“Yes, I’m sure. It’s me. It’s perfect. But it’s going to take me a couple of hours to get it set up. Maybe three. So I just need you two to make sure she doesn’t know I’ve left.”

“Yes, because we’re great at keeping secrets from her,” Steve pointed out. He folded his arms.

“Okay, you go work in your studio and let Bucky do the heavy lifting since he doesn’t know I’m leaving either.”

Steve would give even odds that Bucky knew. But Bucky and Nat were spending time together alone and he had no problems giving them that.

“Boss,” Friday said. “Don’t mind the intrusion, but Sergeant Barnes and Nat have gone to the library to call Ms. Hill and Ms. Potts. She wanted to let you know.”

Tony grimaced and Steve let out a sigh, then raked a hand through his hair. “Buck’s with her, she’ll be fine.”

“More than likely, but I don’t want her to talk to Pepper without me, Friday. Can you ask Red to wait?”

“Will do, Boss. I’m pulling together the materials you requested. I could bring them out on the other quinjet.”

“I’ll be there in a few. Don’t worry...” Tony looked back at Steve. “You got this right?”

“Yep, I’m just going up to my studio to work for a while. If she can’t see me, she can’t know I’m hiding anything.”

Tony chuckled. “Thanks, Steve.” Then he held out his hand and Steve clasped it briefly.

“You’re welcome. Don’t get too nuts, okay?”

“Hey,” Tony said as he stepped outside onto the deck. They’d climbed all the way up to avoid letting the hint of him leaving downstairs tip-off Nat. “It’s me.”

Then he tapped the ARC reactor and his armor spilled over him. A minute later he took off and Steve blew out a breath.

“Yep. That’s what I worry about.” Sealing the door, he headed to his studio and closed himself in. “Let me know if they start looking for me, all right?”

“Will do, Captain Rogers. I’ll keep an eye on, Boss.”

“Good.”

“Do you think Nat will like his surprise?”

Steve chuckled. “She’s going to love it, Friday.” Of  _ that, _ he had no doubt.

Settling at the drafting table, he flipped through the series of sketches before he got back to work on the one of Peter.

When he was done, he planned to blend one of Bucky, Natasha, and Peter together.

It would make a nice surprise for her and Bucky later.

“Can you resume my earlier playlist?”

“We were up to the seventies.”

“Perfect.” As the music began to play, he picked up the pencil and went to work. 


	9. Kiss on my List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Rhodey talk and Strange calls him back while he's getting ready for the date. The throuple spends some time together and Nat has a long talk with Peter. Finally, Nat and Tony have their date.

**Chapter Nine**

_ Kiss on My List _

**Tony**

It took him longer than he anticipated but he took the time to tweak it so it was perfect. “Move that one over there,” he told the Legion unit as it started to set down its cargo. He wanted it to be perfect. “Friday, dial up the response time.”

“It’s maxed at a hundred and two percent, Boss. We would need to add more sensors or recalibrate all of them.”

Scratching his jaw, he considered it. “How long to recalibrate?”

“Twenty-six minutes.”

“Recalibrate. What’s Red doing at the moment?”

“She and Sergeant Barnes are beating on each other in the game. Currently, she has him two pins to one and will knock his character out in approximate—done. He must now rebuild a character.”

Tony laughed. She was so vicious in games. “Good. You were supposed to remind me of some things, right?” He checked the placement of the miniature heaters. They would be disguised but he wanted to make sure the whole thing was warm enough.

“Yes, you need to call Colonel Rhodes and you are waiting for Nat to call Ms. Potts.”

“Got it,” Tony said, then checked his watch. A couple of hours had turned into the rest of the morning and half the afternoon. He’d gone back long enough to have lunch, then said he wanted to work on some designs before heading back out again. Natasha probably didn’t buy it, but she was letting him get away with it. He’d also left her date clothes in her room, in a box. “Let’s talk to Rhodey.”

“Calling Colonel Rhodes.”

It rang twice, then Rhodey answered, “I’ll be damned, you really are alive. I’m going to lose the betting pool.”

Tony chuckled. “Awww, Platypus, are you missing me?”

“Or something,” Rhodey teased. “How you doing, man? How’s the honeymoon?”

“The only reason you get to ask that question is Pepper didn’t tell you what she was doing either,” Tony said, keeping it light. “The honeymoon is pretty good, actually.” He glanced around the space. It would work. Soon as Friday finished the recalibration, he could run some tests.

“Well, don’t be so hard on her. She was really worried and she really wanted to help you and Nat out. Maybe not ideal for Cap and Bucky, but it’s all for show.”

Tony hummed as he cracked open the thermos of coffee. “Not feeling the love there, Honey Bear, you’re supposed to be on my side.”

“I’m always on your side, even when you’re an idiot. But I’m on Pepper’s side, too. She came right back here to cover your ass and Nat’s even after the trauma she went through, you remember she went through one right?”

Making a face, Tony took a swallow of coffee before he answered, “I’m aware. I’m also damn grateful for everything she did and I can appreciate the effort. But she overstepped.”

“Fair,” Rhodey conceded.

“Thank you. Now, what’s up? All good there? PT still going well? I had some thoughts on tweaking the harness, could even give you smoother mobility.”

“Cool your jets, Tony, we don’t have to solve everything at once. Things have been quiet. Couple of minor callouts that we handled. Wanda’s back on campus, but you probably knew that. Sharon’s kept the press off of us, though we did have to extend perimeter fencing when we had a couple of lookie-loos try to sneak in and a pair of frat boys if you can believe it.”

Tony snorted. “Nice, hazing with the Avengers. There’s a reputation we need to cultivate.”

“Yeah, that was my feeling on it. Gonna go over some security suggestions when the team is back.”

The team. Well, some of the team. It might take more time to get Natasha back where she belonged. “If you need anything, just tell Friday,” he said. “How is the PT going?”

The other man snorted, but Tony waited him out. Rhodey didn’t talk about his recovery. His acceptance of the injury and his grace at the steps needed to get him back up to speed were incomparable. But friends didn’t let friends do it on their own, not if they could help.

“Steady,” Rhodey told him. A chair squeaked as though he leaned back in it. “The gear is working fine, I’m up to eight to ten hours a day steady now before I start noticing the strain.”

That was an improvement. Tony could make it better. “I’ll take a look at the numbers when I get back,” he promised. Might even do it before then.

“I’m good, Tones. You don’t have to keep building me new stuff.”

“Who said I was building it for you?” Tony retorted. “You know I like to challenge myself.”

The other man chuckled. “Yeah, that’s the truth. Thanks, Tony.”

“Anytime, Honey Bear. Now,” he continued, walking to the entrance to look out over the snowy valley. It was kind of peaceful. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“You got enough on your plate. We’re good…”

“Rhodey,” Tony interrupted. “You don’t hunt me down unless something is wrong. You might come and take my pulse if you haven’t seen me in a few weeks, but you usually just check with Friday and before that Jarvis. You needed to talk to me. I’m here. What’s wrong?”

They’d been friends too long. While Tony cultivated the dilettante look and even used it at times to keep Rhodey at a distance to protect him, he wasn’t that disconnected.

“Retirement.” One word punctuated by a lot of regret.

“What?”

“It’s been coming for a while, Tones. The injury pretty much put a period on it. Medical discharge, full honors, pension and rank intact. But I’m on terminal leave. It started last week. Be done in about seven months.”

Seven months.

Tony exhaled. “How do we feel about this?”

“It was always coming, I’m a full colonel, but—my work here takes precedence more and more. Age is always a factor, too. Mandatory retirement was in a few years, but at the end of terminal leave, I’ll be thirty years of service in.”

Thirty years.

“Anyway, medical was a concern. I think they waited to see if we’d pull off a miracle cure. Or maybe just waited for us to get our shit together. But it’s done.”

“It’s not done if you don’t want it done,” Tony argued. He had friends and they had friends. “We have other options we haven’t explored.”

“No, it’s done. I’m okay with it.”

“You don’t sound okay, Platypus.”

“It’s weird,” Rhodey admitted. “Air Force… it’s been everything for more than half my life. Not being active duty just feels wrong.”

“Or maybe it’s the start of something different, you know I’d hire you in a heartbeat. That said, I’ll invest in whatever startup you want to do.”

“Avengers is keeping me plenty busy at the moment and Pepper already offered me a job.”

Huh.

“Did she?”

“Yeah, I’ll tell you what I told her—we’re friends. I’d like to stay friends and I’m never calling you Boss, Mr. Stank. Just saying.”

He chortled. “Nice.”

“Your turn—what are you and Nat going to do about this marriage thing?”

“Let it ride,” Tony said.

“Seriously?” Surprise filtered through his voice.

“Seriously. We’ll deal with it, for now, we let it ride. It’s working, it’s protecting her. I’m good with that.”

“I’m not sure I’m good with it,” Rhodey protested.

“Aww, haven’t you wanted me to settle down forever? I promise I won’t quit you.”

Rhodey snorted. “Not what I meant.”

“You  _ like _ Red, don’t pretend you don’t. I know you were a little tetched about my keeping her a secret, but we had our reasons and she’s practically in the clear these days.” Then, he added in a more serious note. “Forgive her, Honey Bear. I have. She followed her conscience and she has one.”

“My problem isn’t with Nat,” Rhodey explained patiently. “It’s with the fact she’s already hooked up with Steve and Bucky, or have you forgotten them?”

“Nope, they were in on the discussion, too. We’re all good with maintaining the status quo for now.” Emphasis on the  _ for now _ .

“Tony,” Rhodey said with a sigh. “What are you doing?”

“Well at the moment, I’m talking to you, though I’m also working on a rebuild and drinking coffee. Multitasking, it’s what’s for dinner.”

“No, I mean what are you doing with Natasha? I’m not blind. Nor is Pepper, which I’m starting to think is why she did this whole bait and switch with the secret wedding thing.”

He shrugged. “She wanted to protect Red. My name protects her.”

“What do you want?”

“I want her to be happy, kind of like how I want you to be happy, don’t be jealous, Platypus. She shares really well.”

The aggravated groan on the other end of the phone made him smile.

“Tony…”

“Rhodey,” he said steadily. “It’s fine. Trust me. I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you? Cause it sounds to me like you’re in over your head with a woman, who don’t get me wrong I really like, but who is involved with people we were fighting a few months ago. This has so much potential to go sideways.”

It did. “You’re not wrong.” He drained the last of the coffee and closed the thermos as Friday flashed calibration complete on his glasses. Gesturing like a maestro for Friday to fire it up, he waited for the distinctive flash and hum before turning to face the changes. “It’s also got all the potential in the world to be fantastic. The key here is…I want her happy. Everything else is gravy.”

“What happens if you get hurt?”

“I’m a big boy, Honey Bear. My feelings aren’t that fragile.” No one was keeping secrets either. “Trust me, Rhodey.”

“You know what, she hurts you and we’re going to have an issue.”

“Awww, you love me best,” Tony said with a chuckle. “I knew you couldn’t hold out on me.”

“And the thing with Pepper?” The quiet question sobered him. “You and her? You’re really—this is it? You’re letting her go?”

“She’s not mine to hold onto,” he said quietly. “She’s moved on, Rhodey. So have I. We’re friends…right now we’re armed friends who are having a disagreement, but we’re still friends.”

They’d figure it out.

“So if I ask Pepper out to dinner?”

Tony blinked.

“Or she asks me?”

“She ditching the boyfriend?” He would not miss Kumar. The guy rubbed him the wrong way.

“Haven’t seen him around the last couple of times I had lunch with her.”

“Huh.” Rhodey and Pepper. “You be good to her if you do—don’t let her hurt you and you don’t get to hurt her. Clear?”

“Damn, I really am going to lose the betting pool,” Rhodey exhaled and Tony narrowed his eyes. It had been a test.

“You should never bet against me,” Tony reminded him. “That was your first mistake. Now, I need to get back to the honeymoon. Talk atcha soon.”

“When are you heading back?”

“When we’re done,” he said easily. “Bye, Platypus.”

Then the call ended and he stared at his creation. “Run program.” The sound. The air. The feeling.

It was all there.

“Oh, this is going to work nicely…”

“Boss? I have Dr. Strange on the line.”

“He calling me or am I calling him?”

“He’s calling you back.”

“Right. Put him on.” He began to walk through the program, studying it.

“Stark.”

“Strange,” he returned the greeting with an equal amount of dryness. “Thanks for finding the time.”

“You indicated it wasn’t urgent and I don’t see you or Natasha on any news channels except the entertainment ones and I had work to do. What do you need?”

“Your bedside manner is the stuff of legends.”

“You’re not my patient.”

“This,” Tony agreed, “is true. I’m calling about Red.”

“I presumed. You haven’t taken her into a fight or started sparring again, have you?”

“No.” Though the doc wasn’t there, he glared anyway. “I want to talk about conditioning and keyword triggers.”

“I take it she’s recalled some.”

“You would take that correctly.”

“The act of specific recall hasn’t alleviated their influence?” Good question. Except…

“No. We tested the theory and they are very much active.”

A quiet exhale. “You tested potential mind control triggers on someone recovering from severe brain trauma and repair?”

“In my defense, she’s fine. She showed no major ill-effects after. You and Shuri both signed off on her brain’s stability. Is there something you want to tell me?” There had better not be. The muscles in his back and neck went tense.

“I’d like to tell you all that avoiding trauma of any kind for a few weeks, would by its very definition, include not triggering some kind of mental suggestion or control that by its nature stresses her brain and her emotions.”

He couldn’t argue with that. “We had to know.” She had to know. He’d crawl right under the bus with her and let the wheels bounce off his armor.

“Predictable if unfortunate. You’re certain there were no negative after-effects?”

“Friday? Any fluctuations with Red’s vitals during our incident at breakfast yesterday?”

“Spike in pulse and respiration after ‘waking’ from it. Stress responses, however, all remained in normal ranges for Nat. She has not expressed any indications of being in pain outside of some leg cramps from her workout this morning.”

The image of the way she moved to the music floated through his mind. She’d been—effortlessly graceful and utterly captivating. How she managed to be ethereal and earthy in the same breath, he couldn’t begin to define. There were moments where he forgot to breathe, particularly when he caught the raw pain in her expression.

Dancing made her vulnerable in a way he’d never glimpsed beyond an occasional moment here and there. Not only vulnerable but exposed and she’d known he was there. Known Steve and Bucky were coming and she hadn’t hidden any of it.

Distantly, he suspected she’d lost track of their presence. The grief she was going through was too vibrant and fresh. Nothing Tony could do could erase it, so all he could do was try to be there for her or get out of the way when it was Bucky she needed. They were both in the middle. Like him, Steve watched from the sidelines, throwing in a lifeline when they needed it and retreating when they needed that, too.

“I thought you said she wasn’t sparring,” Strange cut through his musings.

“She wasn’t. The leg cramps were just from exertion.”

“Try to limit the exertions,” the doctor suggested. “And I’ll look into psychological conditioning related to trigger phrases. That may fall under post-traumatic stress, but with the repairs her brain did—it’s unlikely to be related to the architecture or a remnant of the previous damage.”

“We’d appreciate whatever you can come up with. The triggers have been there a while, but we’re wary of someone else using them to control her.”

“Understood. I’ll call as soon as I have something. In the meantime, let me stress again—rest. Sleep. Take it easy. No combat. No stressing her mentally or emotionally.”

Emotionally?

Good luck with that, but he refused to get into that with him. “Thanks, Doc.”

The man hung up and Tony shook his head. His bedside manner really did suck, except where Natasha was concerned and frankly that worked for Tony.

“I think we’re good to go here, Baby Girl. Everything in the green?”

“Everything is green, Boss. Do you think Nat will like it?”

“I hope so.” He checked his watch. “I’m going to grab a shower and then nudge my date into getting ready.” There was a bit of a thrill at the idea of his date. “Hold all my calls unless it’s an emergency or Pete or one of the super twins.”

“You got it.” He headed out. “Shut it down ‘til we’re back, but keep the heat on. I don’t want it cold.”

“I’ll take care of it, Boss—and don’t forget the flowers. Girls like that.”

He chuckled.

Yes, they did. “I’ve got it, Baby Girl. Don’t worry about me.”

This might not be the date he’d been imagining for the last few months, but it just might be better.

**Natalia/Natasha**

“How do you…” Steve let out a breath as she took out his character and managed to avoid James’. “And I’m out.”

She grinned. “That just means you can make the popcorn.”

“Pay attention, Natalia.” The reminder of whom she battled on the screen just made her smile wider.

“Do not worry, milli moi. I fully intend to kick you off this rock to join Steve.”

He snorted.

Three minutes later, she managed the twist, kick, power up and did exactly that. One hard boot to the center of his chest sent him flying and she raised her arms as did her character when  _ flawless execution _ flashed on the screen.

Steve laughed as James made a face.

Amused, she pivoted to look at him. “What did you do wrong?”

The words were barely out when Steve got her from the back and James locked his hand on her knee. Laughter spilled out of her and he nearly took a knee to the face as she twisted. They all landed together in a heap on the sofa.

“Sore losers,” she teased and James kissed her.

“No worse than you were earlier when you dumped the water on my head,” James pointed out.

Tilting her head to the side, she considered it. “Well, you did tell me we needed to cool off.”

Laughter softened his eyes as he gave her a firm kiss squashing her into Steve. The man beneath her chuckled, then reached up to give James a shove off of her before Steve sat up and then settled her on the sofa.

Flushed from the play and the kiss, she grinned. “You know, people think I’m a terrible loser.”

“No they don’t,” Tony called down the stairs. “They think you’re a cutthroat player.”

Steve nodded emphatically and she and James just shared a grin. “If you’re going to play,” she said.

“Then you play to win,” James finished and Steve groaned.

“You’re both awful.”

Not missing a beat, they looked at him in unison as they said, “Thank you.”

“Give it up, Steve,” Tony suggested as he came around the corner. His cheeks were a bit ruddy from a shower from the looks of it and his hair was damp. Dressed in a nice t-shirt and jeans, he looked ready for a day in the lab and not a date. Conspicuous in his absence, she’d done her best to  _ not _ speculate. He wanted to surprise her. “You still up for the date, Red?”

“Hmm-hmm. Should I go get ready?”

“If you can tear yourself away from beating these two guys to a pulp, that would be great.”

The two guys in question snorted, but James offered her a hand and she clasped it and let him tug her to her feet. After their dancing, she’d given James the shave he requested and they’d lost themselves for a few hours emerging only for lunch. Steve, she guessed, had an idea of what Tony was up to but she’d skipped the interrogation, preferring to just spend the time with them.

She’d napped for an hour on the sofa, waking to find James reading and Steve sketching. It didn’t take much to lure them into playing the game and they’d just spent hours doing that.

Based on Tony’s outfit, she’d say they were going informal which was kind of nice. She could do the dressing up, but it was nice to not have to. “Okay, how much time do I have?”

“Take all the time you want,” Tony said, his grin easy and relaxed. “We are not in a hurry.”

“I’m shocked,” she admitted.

“I’m awed that you’re shocked,” he said. “But we’re not on anyone else’s schedule. So take a bath if you want, just don’t go to sleep in the tub.”

“Aha, a rule.” She winked, then rose up on her toes to give James a kiss before she gave one to Steve. “You two practice and maybe you can take me on tomorrow.”

“Oh, that’s gonna earn you at least two more, Angel,” Steve warned and she gave him an unrepentant grin as she headed for the stairs.

“At least two more,” James added and a thrill went through her.

Passing Tony, she indulged herself and slid a hand around his nape. He folded right into her at the request and gave her the barest of kisses, light and teasing, then deepened it once before chuckling. “Tease.”

“Never,” she promised, then patted his chest. “I’ll be quick-ish.” She tagged on the last bit as her phone buzzed. Tugging it out of her pocket, she glanced at the screen and grinned.

“Peter,” Tony guessed.

“Yep.”

Ascending the stairs, she let the quiet hum of their voices lull her as she read.

**Peter:** Guess what came today?

**Natasha:** Something cool, I would imagine.

**Peter:** A laser dick!

She paused and read that again.

**Peter:** Ack! No, a loser dick!

Continuing up the steps, she bit back a chuckle as her phone began to vibrate like mad as a rapid succession of messages hit it.

**Peter:** No! No! I turned autosmart off.

Auto smart? Autocorrect? What?

**Peter:** Why is it doing this?

**Peter:** I. Got. A disc. Movie. Disc. Laser. Kind.

**Natasha:** Got it. I didn’t know you liked the laserdiscs.

**Peter:** Old habit, Uncle Ben liked them. Still like to get them now and then. This is a fun one.

**Natasha:** What is it?

**Peter:** The Running Moan.

**Peter:** OMG!

“Friday?”

“I’ll tell Boss to stop,” Friday said. “Mr. Parker triggered a protocol when he tried to crack his phone.”

Natalia laughed. On the one hand,  _ poor Petya _ , and on the other—it was hilarious. A definite sting for getting caught doing something he shouldn’t.

**Natasha:** It’ll correct in a minute. When you’re here this weekend, I’ll show you how to crack a phone correctly.

**Peter:** Tony did this?

**Natasha:** I’m guessing you did it when you were messing with base code, however, I will show you how to do it.

**Peter:** Can you show me how to get even, too?

Natalia smiled.

**Natasha:** We’ll talk.

**Peter:** You’re the best, Mom. Just glad I wasn’t texting Wanda when that happened. Or Liz. Or Michelle.

**Natasha:** Who is Michelle?

**Peter:** Just a girl.

**Natasha:** Interesting.

There was an MJ on his decathlon team. That could be her.

In the bedroom, she found the box Tony left for her and popped it open. The t-shirt just made her grin.

_ I am the reason someone smiles. _

The back of it made her burst out laughing though.

_ Number One Iron Fan. _

__

Fan.

With a snort, she pulled out the jeans and a pair of lovely, sleek boots. There was also a soft black beret. Casual, but chic. Nice. The note on the bottom made her grin again.

_ You’ll note, I skipped picking out the panties or bra. See, I can learn. _

_ Or maybe I don’t want you to wear any. _

_ Both are probably true. _

_ Yeah, too much! Definitely your choice. _

__

Setting them down, she slipped in to take a quick shower. She’d showered with James earlier so she just rinsed off, then toweled dry and used the lotion and liniment on her legs again. Avoiding stiffness had been an effort, even her ass was a little sore. Though she was definitely in better shape after her nap.

She’d be fine in the morning.

**Peter:** Hey Mom, can I ask you something?

**Natasha:** You just did.

**Peter:** :P

She chuckled.

**Natasha:** Ask, Petya. You know my rules.

**Peter:** Did they talk to you yet? You know about things?

Things.

**Natasha:** Wedding things?

**Peter:** OMG, good. Yes. Wedding things. They told you. Good. Good.

**Natasha:** Yes, I know about it.

**Peter:** Are you okay?

**Natasha:** I’m not upset. It was a tactically sound call to make.

She left it at that for the moment while she got dressed. After, she perched on the bed and pulled on her boots. Dog tags tucked inside the shirt, she let them rest against her skin before she retrieved her phone.

**Peter:** Is it bad that I was kind of excited about it?

**Natasha:** I suppose that would depend on why you were excited.

**Peter:** Tony is great. Not that Bucky isn’t great. Bucky’s awesome. I like Steve, too. But… you know I’m rooting for you and Tony.

**Peter:** I probably shouldn’t say that. Sorry.

**Natasha:** You can say anything you like to me, Petya. I know Tony is important to you. You’re important to him.

**Peter:** Bucky is important, too. I don’t want you to think I’m dismissing him. I’m not.

**Natasha:** Petya—you can care about all of them. There’s nothing wrong with that. I do.

**Peter:** Really?

**Natasha:** Really.

**Peter:** So maybe, you and Tony could…you know…stay married?

**Natasha:** I don’t know. No promises.

**Peter:** Be kind of cool if he was my stepdad.

That gave her a pause. “Friday, tell Tony I’m going to be a few minutes and put Peter and I in secure mode.”

“Of course.”

She hit Peter’s contact as she rose and closed the door to the bedroom. He answered on the first ring.

“Hey,” he said, surprised warmth flooding his voice. “I was just about to apologize for that. I’m…I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get all pushy.”

“You’re not being pushy. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said, almost too quickly.

“You want to try that again?”

“It’s—it’s not a big deal. I promise.”

She waited, crossing over to look out the window. The on and off snow had finally stopped. There’d been a hint of the sun through the clouds at one point, but it was getting later in the day and the sun was setting.

“Then tell me what it is.”

The squeak of his bed carried over the phone. She could almost picture him flopping back on it.

“Mom, there are fan sites popping up all over Instagram, Tumblr, and more.”

“Okay.”

“I mean fan sites of you and Tony.”

“Tony’s always had fan sites.”

“Yeah, this is different and you—you should know—some of them aren’t so nice.”

“You shouldn’t look at them, Petya. Most people aren’t posting about us but about their own feelings.”

“Mom… they called you a Russian Mail Order Bride. It was in the Post this morning and the IronWidow people are going nuts.”

IronWidow people? Apparently, they had people.

“It bothers you,” she said, not needing to read him to know that.

“I don’t want them saying that stuff about you. It’s not true. Half of it is lies and so stupid it’s not funny and the other half—the other half is just exaggerating everything. But there’s this guy who has been on the news every night this week and all he’s done is talk about how the Mail Order Bride is taking apart an American institution.”

Some guy?

“Petya, people will talk. They will speculate and they will gossip. But you know the truth.”

“Yeah, but if you and Tony don’t stay married then all these people are going to think they were right about you and I hate that they’re saying these things.” Anger and anguish vied for dominance in his voice.

Natalia closed her eyes. “Petya, take a deep breath.”

“But they…”

“I didn’t ask about them, take a deep breath.”

He did as she asked, albeit reluctantly for the time it took him.

“And another.” She gave him a beat. “With every breath, I want you to pull in calm and push out the agitation. I need you to slow your heart rate down. In for four, hold for four, out for four. Every exhale, push the anger away.”

It took another dozen breaths, but his breathing slowed audibly.

“Much better,” she murmured, her tone soothing. “You are reacting and I need you to be able to act. Are you thinking more clearly?”

“Yes,” he said. “I don’t like people thinking those things about you.”

“I adore that you want to protect me from the selfish thoughts of others, but malen’kiy pauk, their thoughts cannot harm me. They want to live their lives vicariously through those they consider celebrities. They will judge them through the lens of their experience—elevating them and diminishing them in equal measure. They don’t see me or Tony, they see this image of us they have. They will contort it to fit whatever view they hold. If that means they ascribe motives that don’t exist, then so be it.”

“But they’re wrong.”

“It doesn’t matter. Not really.”

“It doesn’t hurt you?”

“Petya, why would the feelings of strangers hurt me? Do I get the job done? Do I protect those who can’t protect themselves? Do I live up to my training and honor those around me? Am I doing my best?”

“Yes,” he answered without hesitation. His loyal and sweet heart.

“Then what they believe cannot change what is.” Though perception was a battle all its own. Peter did not need to be fighting it for her. “I don’t want you to look at the sites.”

“Kind of hard not to—all my friends are and they are going nuts about it. They know I’m an intern for Tony so now they all want me to tell them whether it’s true or not and I tried to tell them you’re great, but then I thought you might not want me to slip.”

She smiled. “Well, first I’m proud that you did consider your reaction before you had it. As for the rest, play the knowing smile and say nothing. It will make you seem mysterious and like you know so much more. If they won’t let it go, just tell them you have to call Tony’s lawyer before you can answer questions.”

Peter choked. “His lawyer?”

“Well, if they’re defaming Tony, he won’t take that well.”

Suddenly, Peter laughed. “If they push it, those sites are just going to be shut down.”

Natalia suspected many of them would be before the night was over. Secure mode wouldn’t keep Friday from monitoring at the moment, just keep it locked to Natalia’s voice authorization. She did not take kindly to people bashing Tony.

“Possibly. But people will talk. Being Avengers puts us in the spotlight. It’s not always comfortable, but all we can do is our best and our jobs. That is the important part.”

Another reason to keep Peter’s identity securely hidden away. He did not need this kind of attention.

“You know I think you’re awesome, right?”

Smiling, she said, “That’s all that matters to me, Petya. I promise.”

He blew out a breath. “Sorry, I kind of unloaded on you. I didn’t want to say anything because you’re supposed to be resting.”

“You can always tell me. If you are that worried, call James or Tony or Steve…let someone help you.” 

“It’s a little harder to tell them this stuff.”

“A little, but not so bad. They would want to be able to help.” It was difficult to let them help. At the same time, it was the most natural thing in the world. Natasha had grown to accept something Natalia would never have considered. The conflict would take her time to settle, but she wanted Peter to have everything she never did. Faith in others and the confidence they would be there had taken her decades to even discover.

Even her Soldier. It had always been a struggle to hold onto him, but she’d never regretted waging it.

Never.

“Okay.” Then, a little brighter. “You know what May said when I showed it to her?”

“No, what did she say?”

“That gossip is cheap and it sells.”

“I knew I liked her,” she told him. “Do you have homework or patrol tonight?”

“Yes and ye—oh, I need to call Wanda. We have a Skype date for dinner then I’ll check in with her when I get back. Sorry, Mom. I’ll text you later, okay?”

“Go on,” she said. “Tell Wanda I said hello.”

“Will do. Love you, Mom.” Then he was gone before she could say anything more.

Exhaling, Natalia glanced at the phone, then the ceiling. “Are you already checking on those, Friday?”

“Yes, Nat, I have. Some of these pop up faster than we can shut them down, but not all of them are bad.”

“Hmm… send some of them to my inbox and I can review them. If they are upsetting Peter this much, I want to know about it.”

“I’ll take care of it. Is this something important enough we should get Boss involved?”

“Not at the moment and I have a feeling he’s been planning today and I don’t want to spoil his plans.”

Friday said nothing. Good girl, don’t reveal the secrets.

Natalia took a moment to fix her hair and then settled the beret in place. Tilting her head to the side, she debated cosmetics. Tony was going for casual, so she went with gloss and very little else. Sliding her phone into her pocket, she opened the bedroom door.

Tony leaned against the wall a few feet away, the corner of his mouth kicking up at her appearance. “Everything all right with Pete?”

“Just upset about some social media posts.”

He nodded slowly. “Need me to do something?”

“Pretty sure Friday is already on it. We’re used to the attention and the speculation, Peter isn’t… also, nice with the autocorrect mean function.”

His grin grew a fraction wider. “He’s not supposed to mess with the base code. He’s not you.”

“Give me time, I’ll teach him to crack it correctly.”

Rolling his eyes, he shook his head. “Of course, you will. You ready to go?”

“We’re leaving?” Wasn’t that against the rules?

“Sort of,” he said. “You’ll see.”

Natalia raised her brows. “Friday, will you let Steve and James know we’re going and we’ll be back…?”

“Nice try,” Tony said with a grin. “They know where we’re going and when we’re coming back.”

Amusement curved through her. Tony’s eyes held an element of glee. The relaxed expression and posture tickled her. “Then tell them I’ll see them when we get back.”

“I will. Have a good time, Nat.”

“You too.”

Tony motioned to the stairs heading up and held out his hand. “Nice shirt by the way.”

“Thank you, I liked the note that came with it.”

Chuckling, he clasped her hand and led the way up the stairs. “While I can learn, it doesn’t stop me from wondering what you chose.”

“A little mystery never hurt anyone.”

They made their way up to the roof deck. Cloaky appeared to be waiting for them. “And we have a chaperone,” Tony said. “Armor up. It’s cold out there.”

He let go of her hand and tapped the ARC reactor he was wearing and she tapped the bracelets together. The armor unfolding and sliding over her definitely fell in the cool category. Tony’s helmet hid his face as he glanced from her to the cloak. “I can carry her,” he told Cloaky. “But I have a feeling you’re along for the ride regardless.”

The cloak settled on her shoulders as soon as her armor was up. “Well, now I’m properly dramatic.”

“Yes, but we need a little more. Friday, face shield.”

The armor extended up her neck and then it cupped around her mouth and cheeks before closing against her ears.

“Red-haired ninja.” The grin echoed in his words. “Care to come with me on a magic carpet ride?”

Natalia snorted. “How long have you been waiting to use that?”

“Since Wakanda—but I didn’t actually get to see you fly in that when you were awake.” He pulled the door open and she strode out. The cold was against her brow and the breeze tugged at her beret. She caught it and held it in her hand. The sun’s descent had left them cast in shadows though the passing cloud cover revealed stars and it was her first good look at it here. The lack of light pollution gave them an excellent view.

Oh.

This was nice.

She would have to tell James.

He probably knew, but he did love the stars.

“Friday, give us a soundtrack.”

Steppenwolf started playing and Natalia laughed as she glanced at Tony. “Incorrigible.”

“One of my better qualities. All right, Cloaky, you’re on deck. Keep up.”

Then Tony fired his repulsors and began to rise and the cloak flared out as it carried her up, too. She’d been cradling that StarkPad and coffee the last time she did this, but there was a kind of ineffable joy suffusing the moment as Cloak floated her higher. Tony waited until she was at his level before he nodded to the west. “This way.”

Then he twisted and moved, not quite jetting off but turning so he could watch her as he flew backwards.

“You’re showing off,” she pointed out.

“You have a magical flying cloak, I’m not doing a damn thing,” he countered, but Steppenwolf blasted away as they drifted over the cliff house and then down. Tony angled them toward the trees—and the barn. There was another outbuilding there.

A new one.

“So, I thought I’d give you guys a housewarming gift,” Tony said as he dropped to land in front of it. It blended in with the trees and the other buildings, vanishing into the shadows. When spring came, the tree leaves and foliage would hide these away. “The gym is great, but this is bigger and can be repurposed to a shooting gallery if you want or more rigorous training. But for now…” He glanced at her. “Close your eyes?”

She narrowed them briefly. “It’s a really good thing I like you.”

“Yes, it is,” he agreed. “But this is a surprise and I just want to get you inside for it before you see it.”

Closing her eyes, she took his offered hand. The soft hiss of the door opening told her it was reinforced. How much time had he spent on this today? Course, the building could have been here before. She hadn’t been outside to explore the property really.

Tony guided her inside and then the doors closed again. The cloak swept back off her shoulders. The sound of his armor retracting filtered through the warm, humid air brushing her face. The temperature difference from outside to in was significant.

“Let go of the armor?” He released her hand as he made the request. She tapped her wrists together once and the armor withdrew, collapsing down and she took a deep breath of the air. It was…  _ sweet. _ A myriad of scents filled her nostrils, baking bread, sugar, and more.

Hands on her shoulders, Tony whispered. “Surprise Red… what do you think?”

She opened her eyes still savoring the sweet confections in the air and caught hints of white wisps—and smoke rising in the distance. Bakeries hard at work perfuming the region with their morning goods… and it was definitely supposed to be morning, despite the fact night was falling outside, here there was a hint of the sun on the horizon illuminating ancient and modern architecture alike, but they stood on the banks of the Seine, the cobblestones beneath their feet so lifelike.

This was…

“Tony.”

“I can’t take you to Paris, but I could bring Paris to you.” Delight filtered through his tone and she had no words for it. There was even a hint of a breeze carrying the moisture from the river. A short distance away sat an outdoor café, tables and chairs scattered and empty. The shop itself was closed.

The lap of the water against the stone was so real, she had to fight the urge to turn around and see if the doors were still there. “Tony, this is…”

“So, I win shocked and awed?”

Finally twisting, she glanced back to meet his smile. “Oh yeah.” The doors weren’t there, it was just the river extending into the distance. Phenomenal. “You did all this today?”

“Hello, Tony Stark,” he said. “Have we met?”

Laughter crested through her as she turned in a slow circle. It didn’t end. There had to be a roof up there, but all she could see was the sky and the promise of the sunrise. A rattle of a truck had her spinning and she caught sight of a milk truck trundling over a bridge.

It was Paris…but Paris in the 60s.

Circling her, Tony slid his hands on his pockets. “So—I take it you like?”

“This is, I really don’t have words for this. I know it’s an illusion and yet…”

“Don’t look for the magic behind it. Just let it be. Join me for breakfast?” When he extended his hand, she curled her fingers into his and moved with him down the way toward the tables and chairs. He pulled out one for her and then added, “If you’ll give me a minute, I’m going to nip inside and steal our picnic basket.”

Crossing one leg over the other, she tracked him as he went to the closed shop and—as promised—pulled open the door. When he vanished inside of it, there wasn’t even a ripple.

Awed didn’t cover it. Not really.

Impossible and yet…she looked at the river and took a deep breath. The bakeries were all fired up, there was even a hint of flour in the air. He’d captured every nuance of it.

Tugging her phone out, she twisted to angle toward the shop and when Tony reappeared with an actual picnic basket she snapped a picture of him. He grinned. “Don’t want to forget how charming I look?” He spread his arms wide, the fat basket a classic.

“Nope,” she said. “Some things have to be seen to be believed.” Snapping another image of the river and then the sunrise in the distance, she added, “And this definitely needs to be believed.”

“Well, we’re just getting started,” he said as he set the basket on the table. He unpacked croissants, cheese, a bottle of wine. “Before you tell me you shouldn’t drink around me, I’m fine with it. But I also brought coffee—because hello, breakfast date.” The thermos of coffee joined the wine bottle. He had one glass and two coffee cups. In addition, he added sliced meats, a charcuterie of options, including caviar, smoked salmon and cream cheese.

“Did you bring bagels, too?”

“Guilty,” he said. “I thought we’re in France, so we can eat continental. And…” he paused. “I know it’s not exactly right, but here…” He drew out a crystal pony carrying a rose. “A pony for the lady.”

Natalia gaped for a split second and then began to laugh.

It was perfect.

And utterly Tony.

When he dropped a kiss on her, she was still smiling and she set the crystal pony on the center of their table after she sniffed the rose. The soft scent was subtle, but inviting.

“I’m going to admit—this is a really nice surprise.”

“I’m glad. We’re just getting started.” 

**Tony**

Natasha skipped the wine, but he rather expected it. Still, the fact she had a smile on her face and her eyes lit up as they enjoyed the faux sunrise with coffee and food elevated his mood. The tweaks he and Friday had poured into the hologram generation gave them clean views. If he looked closely, he could find the edges that were off, but that would be a tweak for another day.

“The point,” he mused, legs stretched out to rest in the chair opposite both of them. He had one ankle crossed over the other much the same as she did, “is to take it one day at a time. To relax and let the river flow as we relax.”

“The point of what?”

“Vacation.”

“When was the last time you took a vacation?” At her challenge, he considered it.

“Technically…”

“Wakanda wasn’t a vacation, Tony. You worked on me the whole time.”

He made a face. “Fine, Pepper and I went to the island a couple of years ago for Christmas.”

“Did you actually  _ stay _ on the island?”

“No,” he said with a sigh. “But you knew that.”

“Okay, so when was the last time you took a vacation? No deadlines, no projects—and yes, while I count this as a project, you did it for fun.”

Yes, he had done it for fun, but he’d also done it for her. “Probably before Afghanistan.” The admission made him grimace.

“So almost ten years.”

“When was the last time you took one?”

“The island, a few weeks ago.”

“Uh uh,” he said, making a buzzer noise. “Wrong answer. That doesn’t count. Recovering from traumatic injuries completely and utterly erases the idea that it’s a vacation.”

She huffed out a breath and knocked her boots against his shoes. “Then… we’re still counting a vacation as greater than three days?”

“Yes, it must be greater than three days and you can’t be waiting for an injury to heal. That’s being sidelined, not vacationing.” He gave her a minute as he picked up the rest of the bagel with the cream cheese and smoked salmon. “That bemused expression doesn’t bode well for your answer, Red.”

“I didn’t—take a lot of vacations.”

“No. Shit.” He could have told her that. “So, more or less than ten years?”

She sighed. “We’re pathetic.”

“Nope,” Tony said, refusing to believe that. “We’re workaholics.”

“That, too,” she held out her coffee mug and he tapped his to hers. “But by that logic, this isn’t a vacation either, because I’m recovering.”

“Yes and no. You’re not physically impaired, even if you tried to hurt yourself in the dance studio this morning.” If he lived to be a hundred, he’d never get over how exquisite she’d been. Even if he could have kicked himself after when he realized how sore she’d made herself.

“But still recovering,” she countered. “Therefore, I’m not on vacation.”

“Then I shouldn’t be on one either,” he said, making a face. “That means I’ll have to go back to the Tower…” The mournful look worked, she laughed.

“You’re an idiot.”

“Sometimes,” he offered cheerfully.

“You and the guys deserve a vacation…” They all did. “The last few weeks weren’t easy on any of you.”

“Easier for some than others,” Tony said, waving a hand. “I had the work to focus on, to get you back and in one piece. It gave me something to do.” Checking the thermos, he refilled her mug before he poured the last into his. “But that’s done and now we’re here, so we focus on vacation  _ now _ as opposed to then.”

“Steve and James wanted to plan for another vacation before we left the island…I liked it there.”

“My island is your island. Any time you wanna go back, Red,” he reminded her. “You have access to all of my places.”

“You should spend more time there.” Then she tilted her head, studying him. Those eyes always saw too much. Even when she was putting together the fractured pieces of herself, she seemed to see right past his facades. “You’re sleeping better.”

“So are you,” he countered.

“My dreams…aren’t always a problem right now.”

“Good,” he said. “Mine haven’t been too bad. I think it’s your cat, she chases them away. You shouldn’t have named her bad luck, that was mean.”

Stacking some caviar onto a bit of a cracker, she shook her head. “Liho always turned up—like a bad penny. I thought she had the bad luck to pick me.”

“See, there you go, thinking the wrong things. What you need is an attitude adjustment.”

Her rolled eyes made him grin.

“Liho likes you and I’m glad. I’m also glad you’re sleeping better. I’d like that part to stick around.”

“Well, bring the cat back with us or I’m going to have to work on a custody arrangement with the super twins to get some night hours with you.” A shiver tickled up his spine as he made the offer, particularly when she didn’t dismiss or reject it out of hand.

“I don’t know how this is all going to work.”

“That’s the reason we work on figuring it out,” he said. “But we’re patient, between us we’ve got a tremendous IQ heavily weighted in our favor, and we have time.”

Something fleeting drifted through her gaze, but she seemed to shake it off before he could identify it.

“You’re the genius,” she said.

“So are you,” he argued. The way she flew through those tests and she wasn’t even focusing. That gifted brain of hers had always been an asset despite all the impairment and brutalization she’d suffered. Now? The sky was the limit.

And even then, he didn’t think it would stop her.

“But we’re not going to debate this. We can settle it over chess sometime or you can just concede that my genius-intellect recognizes like with like and admit I’m right and be over there in your wrongness for considering arguing with me.”

“Dream on, Shellhead.”

He laughed. “I absolutely intend to. Now, are you done?” He washed down the last bite of bagel with the coffee.

“I’m good.” Then her eyes narrowed. “Why?”

“Surprise isn’t over, Red.” He rose and held out his hand. “We have a barge ride to take.” He motioned to where the barge had drifted up next to the edge of the river.

“A barge…”

“Trust me. It’ll be fun.” When she glanced at her rose and the crystal pony, he added, “It’ll be here, I promise.”

When she took his hand, he enjoyed the way her skin glided over his. Despite the lost weight and the days of absolute stillness, Natasha seemed as vital as ever. As unguarded as she ever was with easier smiles and emotion dancing amongst the shadows in her eyes. Those shadows had pulled at him from the beginning, but seeing them part and being able to look beyond them would never grow old. The grief was still there and likely would be, but it came in waves. He, like Steve and Bucky, had every intention of trying to make sure she could smile when she wasn’t drowning so the lifelines would stay in place.

The barge had taken a little extra effort to disguise the platform, but he’d loaded it with a soft mattress, a pile of pillows and blankets. Her amused look at the pseudo lounger/bed reminded him of his earlier offer, but all he did was walk her up and ‘aboard.’ He patted the bed and said, “Make yourself comfortable and keep your mind up here, the gutter is too far for us to go fishing in at the moment.”

He could almost read the question of how much of this was real and how much of it wasn’t.

“Trust me,” he repeated before he kissed her fingers. Pivoting, she fell backwards onto it with a little leap. The pillows floofed as she bounced once and then she grinned.

His heart swelled at the trust there. Dropping onto the bed next to her, he stretched out an arm. She curled up next to him, her head tilted to rest against his and he wrapped the arm around her shoulders.

“Friday… if you wouldn’t mind.”

The water lapped at the edges of the barge and the warm breeze teased at them, but the half-formed sunrise that he’d kept it at for the whole of their ‘meal’ darkened again to night and then a holoscreen illuminated and the opening credits of  _ Murder, She Wrote _ began.

Natasha’s laughter was worth every second.

“Can’t beat the classics,” he told her.

“We shouldn’t even try.”

“Nope.”

It was perfect, she curled up next to him, their show playing, as a sleepy, nighttime Paris surrounded them.

Not bad for a first date if he did so say himself. 


	10. Sweet Child o'Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The throuple finds some time. Peter can't wait to see his mom. An emergency pulls the guys away.

**Chapter Ten**

_ Sweet Child O’Mine _

**Natalia/Natasha**

A soft chuckle teased her, but she floated. Somewhere her hindbrain had firmly determined as safe. Natasha didn’t have to worry when they were there.

“Easy Tony,” Steve said quietly. “Just getting you two up and back to the house.”

“Damn,” Tony grumbled. “Didn’t mean to pass out.”

“Well, you probably needed it. You good?”

“Yeah,” but his yawn decried that. “She’s out.”

“Not totally.” James slid a hand under her and she cracked her eyelids as he began to lift her, blankets and all. Oh, good. She was going to stay warm. Even in the half-light of the Paris setting, she could make out his eyes. “Shh, Natalia. You can sleep.”

Yes, she could, she curled into him as he tucked her head against his shoulder.

“C’mon,” Steve said and Tony let out a groan as he stood up. James moved away from them at a steady clip, their voices drifting further away. Cold air washed around her face, but she burrowed deeper, hiding away from it as James kept moving.

She must have gone back to sleep because she roused again when someone tugged off her boots.

“Shh, Natalia,” James said as she pushed up. “I’ll get you in bed and you can go back to sleep.”

She smiled at him. Drowsy as she was, Natasha loved that she didn’t have to worry when they were there. The fact she could let her guard down so singularly amazing, she didn’t have words for it. The leggings and panties went next and she curled her legs up because it was cold. Then fingers were at the hem of her shirt and it was up and off. The bra vanished behind it. She sighed as the blankets came up and over her.

More, James slid next to her and she snuggled up to him. One hand stroking her hair, he said, “Sleep, lyubov moya.”

It wouldn’t take long to tumble back down, especially since she was warm and safe. She drifted then movement had her resurfacing. A warm, firm hand on her back.

“Just me, Angel.”

Oh, she lifted her head. She smiled at Steve as he slid next to her. Rolling she snugged her back to his chest and he wrapped an arm around her. Better.

James’ soft chuckle teased over her. “Get Tony settled?”

“He’s almost as funny as she is when he’s sleep drunk,” Steve admitted. “But yep, he and Liho are in bed and asleep. Apparently, the cat has staked her claim.”

“I liked what he did out there.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, one hand feathering over her hip. “If it hadn’t been late, I’d have wanted to see how far those holograms go.”

James rumbled a response, but she burrowed back under and slept.

When she surfaced again, it was a gray half-light in the bedroom and she was still tucked between them. The steady breathing behind her shifted subtly. Steve would be waking soon, but James was already awake.

Moving her hand over his chest, she pushed up a little to meet his quiet gaze as he flicked his eyes open. “Are you awake, zvezda moya?”

“Some,” he admitted.

“Because of the dream?”

“Some.”

She sighed and stretched to curl up against him. He pressed a kiss to her hair.

“I’m well enough, Natalia. The dreams come and they go, but I won’t risk hurting you.”

“Hmm, I can take you,” she reminded him. “And we’re hardly alone. Steve is right here.”

“Yep, and he’s still asleep.” He dropped his hand against her ass lightly. “Sleep.” There was such a plaintive note at the end of that, Natalia chuckled and then James joined her.

His laughter fed hers and her giggles set him off. Steve let out a gruff sound, but his own chuckles robbed it of any heat. He ran his hand up and down her back. Before she could say anything, James kissed her. Morning breath be damned, she sighed against his mouth.

There were worse ways to wake up. When James released her, Steve fisted her hair and tugged her toward him and then he plundered her mouth with exquisite thoroughness.

Twining her arms around him, she sucked against his tongue every time he swept it against hers and his groan vibrated straight to her cunt. Oh, there were definitely worse ways to wake up. Laughter to kisses to hot hands rolling over her back and down her sides. Then James was kissing her neck and Steve had his mouth on her breasts. One after another, he drifted back and forth leaving her aching and gasping.

They were all gasping by the time James had her ass loose enough to take her and they sandwiched her between them. Every push from Steve or pull from James sent electricity rioting through her system. She kissed every piece of skin she could reach. The brush of Steve’s beard against her throat as he mouthed kisses or the bite of James’ hand on her hip as he held her firm.

Natalia rolled her hips as she writhed between them. She had one leg hitched over Steve’s hip and one hand behind her gripping James’ hair. Kissing, biting, teasing, and caressing—she was so full and the first orgasm detonated right into a second. Steve swallowed her keening cry as he kissed her and her fluttering, clenching muscles tipped them both over. They came almost at the same time and it was too much. She floated on the cloud of hot heat and sex, pleasure eddying out as everything relaxed.

They collapsed together, arms and legs entangled. Natalia groaned when Steve kissed her again, short, teasing licks of his tongue against her mouth coaxing her for more and she groaned as James ran a finger around where he was still buried inside of her.

She clenched around both of them, flexing her muscles. Steve shuddered and James let out a hiss. “Are we going to have a snow day?” Her voice sounded a little wrecked.

“If you mean are we staying in bed for a little while longer,” Steve answered in a similarly deep and husky tone even as he stiffened within her and shudders cascaded down her spine. Oh, their refractory periods were lovely things.

“I’m going to say yes,” James whispered, then gave a gentle thrust and her body lit up.

They had her rolling between them, shifting until James was on his back and she sprawled atop him and Steve leaned over her. The rock and glide chased away all distractions until it was just motion and feeling. Her vision whited out as she came as a sea of sensation crashed down.

The light caress of a hand on her abdomen and another on her cheek roused her. She opened her eyes to find Steve grinning at her, his pupils blown wide despite his smug smile. “You still in there, Angel?”

“Hmm.” She managed to lift her boneless arm so she could stroke his cheek before she let it fall again. She was still sprawled over James. Hot. Sweaty. Deliciously full.

He ran his hand down her arm as Steve eased up and then rolled onto his side. She missed him the moment he slipped free of her, but when she reached out, he clasped her hand.

“I could get used to waking up like that,” she said.

“Me, too,” James answered with a laugh. “We may have to practice until we get it just right.”

Steve snorted.

Right now, she didn’t have a care in the world. Everything not immediate seemed to have fallen away and she wanted to linger there.

“Sorry, lyubov moya,” James murmured as he pressed a kiss behind her ear. Lifting carefully, he helped her ease off of him as he slipped out of her. Now, she was just one long sensual ache as Steve helped settle her next to him and James slid off the bed. She wasn’t the only one shaking, James was hardly steady on his feet.

Natalia considered just curling up and going back to sleep, but she could almost see the restlessness hitting Steve. “Going running?” She flattened her hand over his chest, tracing the lines of his muscles.

“Maybe,” he said. “Think I need more of a workout?” The teasing glint in his eyes made her grin.

“Well, if you do…” She drifted her touch down to his abdomen, then the line of his Adonis belt before curling her fingers around his semi-hard cock. “Let me know, I’m sure I can come up with something.”

James’ laughter carried from the bathroom. “I don’t hear him arguing, Doll.”

Hmm. Good point. Ignoring the trembling in her muscles, she began to kiss a path down him, enjoying as he stretched out to let her play. The languid posture only lasted until she wrapped her mouth around his tip and began the slow dip, shallow thrusts at first letting him stiffen.

The weight of him on her tongue and the low sounds he made fueled her every stroke. She chased his orgasm with purpose, until he came apart for her. He sagged against the bed and she sat up on her knees, a little smug herself. James wrapped an arm around her and then lifted.

“Shower,” he suggested and she laughed. Now that she wasn’t so focused on Steve, the sound of the water running hit her. Not that she cared much by the time James had her pinned to the wall and thrusting into her again.

Seriously, there were worse ways to start a day.

An hour later, she stood in the kitchen sipping her tea while the guys debated breakfast. Tony nudged her to the side as he carried the eggs out. “Waffles good for you, Red?”

“Hmm, waffles are fine.” She was pretty much good with everything. The fact her crystal pony vase sat in the middle of the dining table with its rose made her smile wider. They’d brought it inside for her. “Thank you for last night,” she told him and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “I had fun.”

“My pleasure,” he said. “Me too, even if we both passed out after a couple of episodes.”

“You two were tired,” Steve commented nudging her farther as he pulled out the batter. She wandered over to the table where James had taken a seat with his coffee. There was already bacon sizzling. Despite feeling a little tender—or maybe because she was—she eased onto James’ lap and leaned back against him. “So does that system you set up out there have a name yet, Tony?”

“Nope. It’s more for us at the moment. Not sure I want those kinds of realistic holograms getting out into the world.”

“Fair point.”

“Also, I want an acronym that sounds at least moderately attractive.”

Steve chuckled. “How long does it take to render…”

She let their conversation fade as she sipped her tea. Liho had finished her breakfast and now sat on the back of the sofa, tail thrashing as she waited for them to get done in the kitchen. Or maybe she was just waiting for her moment to pounce.

Anything was possible.

It had begun snowing outside. One of the snowiest winters she could remember since moving to New York. Or maybe she was only paying attention to it this year. Not like it ever slowed her down.

“Do something for me, Doll?” James murmured as Steve and Tony continued their discussion.

“Hmm?”

“No research today, just relaxing. Peter will be here later.”

True.

But being idle was not…

“And he’s bringing photos.”

Oh.

The reality of that settled in her bones.

“That’s going to be tough on you,” James told her. She glanced back at him.

“It’s going to be tough on you, too.”

“But I have you to look after me,” he reminded her and she smiled. The sadness was never quite far away, even if they managed to mute it a fraction. “And I’m hoping you’ll take pity on me and make paska.”

Paska?

That took hours.

“Have a craving?” she teased.

“More remembering when you first made it,” he admitted. “You were undercover at that bakery in Minsk.”

Hmm. Yes. The bakery. It was another place she’d learned to make sweets and breads of all kinds. The paska had taken hours to prepare, but she’d snuck a couple of loaves out when she had to meet with James.

It had been there second mission together? Only, she’d been doing all the legwork to get in to their target, then she got James in. “You were very confused when I insisted you try it.”

He chuckled. “It was too much decadence.”

“And you ate a whole loaf.”

“So is that a yes?” The hopeful note in his voice looped around her like a hug.

“Yes,” she said. “If we have what I need. Though I suppose I could send you out for supplies if I don’t.”

“I will gladly get them.” His smile was pure joy.

“What are you two plotting?” Tony asked as he carried over the plates with their waffles. Hers had a pile of strawberries and whip cream on it.

“Ooh.” When she would have left James’ lap, he tightened his arm around her.

“You’re good here,” he promised and she set her tea down and grinned.

“Thank you, Tony.”

“And you still didn’t tell me what you two were plotting,” he teased, dabbing whip cream on her nose before kissing it off.

“Natalia is going to make paska,” James told him as he tugged her plate away from Tony and more firmly in front of her. “It’s an Easter sweet bread and it’s divine. Be nice and I might even let you try some.”

“Wait, you know some mysterious sweet treat and you’ve never shared it with us before,” Tony mock complained, one hand to his heart. “Wounded, Red. I’m wounded.”

“You will be if you keep it up,” Steve said with a grin. “Bucky likes her sweets more than I do if that’s possible.”

“Nope,” James said. “I like all of her food. I just like her.”

She laughed. “I’ll make plenty and as you aptly reminded me, Peter is coming tonight.”

“Oh, good point.” Tony considered the kitchen. “Anyone know how to make a pot roast?”

Natalia snorted. “I’ll take care of dinner. I’ll have time while I’m working on the bread.”

“Tell us what you want us to do, Angel,” Steve said then nudged her plate. “Not hungry?”

“Oh,” she said. “I am, I was just putting together the mental list of what I needed to make paska. I’ll do an inventory after breakfast.” She cut into her strawberry waffle with gusto.

The conversation shifted to the game, then to the drone James had built. Tony wanted to see it and they made plans to head down to the lab after breakfast. Steve rolled his eyes playfully as Tony and James debated technicalities and she grinned.

It was nice.

Relaxed.

The gaping hole inside of her seemed to shrink, just a little.

And outside, the snow kept falling. 

~~~

She’d just divided the dough into the molds to get it ready for another couple of hours to rise in the low heated oven when Friday alerted them to a problem in the city.

“How bad?” Steve asked as he walked into the kitchen.

“The storm blew in faster than they were expecting, Captain Rogers. Colonel Rhodes and the team at the Compound have already headed into the city to help. Power outages are being reported in two boroughs and the grid is sporadic. Temperatures are dropping and wind gusts are approaching thirty-five miles per hour. They are expected to get as high as sixty. The governor has already declared a state of emergency.”

James and Tony arrived on the heels of that statement. “Schools closing?” Tony asked and Natalia pursed her lips. If it was that hazardous out there, getting those kids home was going to be tough.

“They are, Boss. Some are sheltering the kids but they don’t have the supplies for a heavy population. It’s tricky to get them home on buses and they are working on alternatives.”

“You have to go,” Natalia said quietly and three sets of eyes focused on her. “And no, I know you don’t want me out there nor am I supposed to be risking it right now, but you three can.” As much as she disliked the idea of sending them without her. “The team is going to need help. That’s a lot of people to get home and a lot of power to stabilize.”

Peter was out there.

“We’ll get Peter,” James said as if reading her mind. “That will be our first stop.”

“He’s going to want to help,” Steve said unnecessarily and she nodded.

“I’ll be here, I can be on comms or on a computer as needed. Friday can loop me in.”

“Or you can read, nap, and relax,” Steve said with a wry smile. “Not that I expect you to do any of those things.”

“Go on,” she said. “Go save lives and be Avengers.”

“We’ll be back,” Tony said. “With Pete.” Then he gave her a light kiss before he jogged toward the stairs. Steve gave her a second kiss then wrapped her up in a tight hug.

“Be safe here, yes?”

“I’ll be fine. Friday’s watching and there’s Iron Legion guarding, plus the only people who know where I am are you guys and Clint.”

“True.” Another kiss and then he headed upstairs for his gear leaving her with James.

“No research?” It wasn’t an order so much as a request.

“I’ll try,” she said, lifting her shoulders. “I have plenty to do…but I know why you want me to take it easy. We’re both feeling our way through this.”

They were. There were no easy answers in this. None at all.

Catching her hand, James lifted to press a kiss to her palm. “We will be back by tonight at the latest.” Her Soldier promised.

“Don’t be late,” she teased and he smiled before he brushed his thumb over her lower lip.

“I love you.” Sweet possession rippled through her and she smiled into his kiss. Then he was gone. They passed through once as they headed out to where the quinjet had been parked in the barn.

She stood at the window to watch them go, arms folded. Liho leapt up to stretch out over her shoulders. It would be two more hours before she could do anything with the bread. In the meanwhile, there were two large roasts defrosting in water in the sink. Tony had mentioned pot roast, but she was going with something different.

They had double ovens after all. They were going to need all the food they could get after this. It wasn’t long before the quinjet lifted off and then vanished into the swirl of snow.

“I have them, Nat,” Friday promised. “Karen has already checked in with Peter. He’s safe and will be ready to meet them when the quinjet gets there.”

“May? Pepper?”

“Mrs. Parker is at the hospital as expected. All power is holding steady there, the arc reactor generators are performing at peak. Ms. Potts is in her penthouse, though she is also coordinating relief efforts via the Maria Stark Foundation and providing SI assets to first responders in the city. Mr. Hogan is also at Ms. Potts’ building, he is staying in the apartment kept there so he is on hand if she needs him.”

“Are Maria and Logan still in the city?”

“Not currently, Nat. They are not affected by the storm.” Friday’s tone became almost soothing. “Would you like to watch a movie? Or perhaps catch up on one of your series?”

“You don’t have to handle me, Friday.” She lifted a hand to stroke Liho’s head and the cat began to purr. Cloaky had wandered into the room and now stood silent vigil next to her. She glanced at the cloak. “Do you play cards?”

  
  


**Peter**

“Woo,” Peter let out a shout as he caught air and shot out another web. The gusts were getting downright bouncy.

“Stop showing off, Pete,” Tony scolded. “We’re getting in and out on this one. We just need to clear a path and then we’re on escort duty.”

“You got it,” Peter answered him but he couldn’t keep the grin out of his voice. They’d been playing search and rescue for hours. While it might be grueling work, they’d made a real difference and saved lives.

Wanda and her team were clearing elementary schools and helping the National Guard get people home. It’d be great if he could work with her, but it wasn’t even a conversation piece.

Steve and Bucky were working two blocks over. They’d helped to outfit emergency shelters, bringing them supplies and were helping to get people inside. The storm was considered worse than the one they’d had a few weeks earlier.

More because this storm moved in faster than predictive models had suggested. While the city had been in preparation mode, it hadn’t been quite enough. While it was serious business, Peter  _ loved _ working with the Avengers. They’d already emptied the bridges.

Sam and Sharon had taken over evacuation on the tunnels. One of the first jobs Tony had done when he got to the city was stabilize the power grids. He was feeding nearly all of Manhattan from the Tower, which relieved stress on the main grid there and let them divert the extra to the other boroughs.

The heat would stay on.

Peter dropped from the last swing, flipped and then slid down an embankment as the drift gave way. A startled laugh broke free as he ended up in snow to his waist.

There was a patient sigh over the comms and then Tony hovered over him and shook his head. “You’re going to get me in trouble, you know that, right?”

Behind his mask, Peter grinned. Get Tony in trouble with Mom. “Nope, the thought never occurred to me.”

Mom.

He was never going to get tired of that. Since the moment he’d uncovered the DNA match, he’d been in kind of a daze. A part of him had been  _ thrilled _ . Another had a hundred questions. But a larger part of him had been terrified.

Natasha was amazing, she’d reminded him of his mom from the beginning and he had no idea why. Realizing they’d used her blood in the experiments that landed up with him becoming Spider-Man had been a connection he treasured.

But this?

This was so much more.

He discovered it while she was in cryo after a brutal injury— _ another one— _ and the idea of her not waking or coming out of it terrified him. As had the discussions about potential brain damage. What if she’d woken up and hadn’t remembered any of them?

While he’d considered going to Bucky or Steve or even Tony—he’d been reticent. Natasha was private and he didn’t know what they knew so he made himself wait.

When she told them the story about his mom it broke his heart. Grandpa Will had loved Grandma Natalie to his dying day. A part of him didn’t want to tell Natasha that, she’d been so sad when she told them  _ why _ she had to leave. Knowing she hadn’t remembered them later, that even that had been taken from her—

“Hey,” Tony said, hauling him out of the snow. “You still with me?”

“Yeah, sorry—got distracted.” He shook off the thoughts. Texting back and forth with Mom had been one of his joys this week and when she’d talked to him on the phone. The only drawback to their current scenario—you know besides being a natural disaster—was she wasn’t there. A part of him was okay with that, he wanted her safe.

No more injuries for her.

Ever.

“My head’s in the game,” he assured Tony. He paused a beat to glance around. The snow blowing everywhere had reduced visibility. “What were we doing again?”

The snort of laughter made him grin. “We’re moving those school buses.”

Oh.

Cool.

There were half-a-dozen. They’d done this a few times that day. As Tony landed near the doors to the first bus, there were cheers going up inside. When Peter drew closer, he got a few of his own. Thankfully, his suit’s internal heater kept him from freezing in the weather.

A half-dozen of the Iron Legion landed around them.

“Boss,” Friday came over comms. “Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes have completed their evacuation. They are bringing the quinjet to you. The National Guard is reporting ninety percent complete with getting people and kids home. This set and one more and we’re done. Colonel Rhodes team is taking the other one.”

“All right,” Tony said, then tapped the side of his helmet. “Put me on with the drivers, Baby Girl.”

“Good afternoon folks, thanks for joining us on the magic snow ride, please keep arms, legs, heads and cell phones inside the vehicles at all times. Do not open the windows for pictures. We’ll arrange something later. We want to get you kids home to your parents and call it a day here ourselves. Drivers, Spider-Man will make sure you get out of the drifts, let him do the heavy lifting, then fall in as we plow the way, we’re going to have to take a longer route, but don’t worry, we’re getting everyone home—drivers, too.”

More cheers went up.

Six school buses.

This was going to take a minute.

Tony and the Legion began clearing a path and Peter dropped to the first bus. He motioned to the driver. “Karen, can you and Friday make sure they keep it in neutral ‘til I turn them around?”

“Got it, Peter,” Karen told him. “You’re good to go.”

At least the buses didn’t hurt that much to pick up and haul around. As soon as he got the first one facing the right direction he gave it a gentle shove to get it over the last bit of drift and onto the cleared route.

He’d gotten the sixth and final one turned when the quinjet appeared overhead. Peter gave the last bus a shove and then hopped on. He rode on top of it. They were moving at a slow rate but moving. As fast as Tony and the Legion cleared the roads, the blowing snow filled it back in.

Getting kids home never seemed so grueling as when a half a billboard sheared away and Peter narrowly caught it before it hit the fourth bus. He swung it off and let it bury in the snow. They’d have to clean that up later. Then a flying piece of debris caught him in the face and he narrowly caught himself on the side of the bus.

“You okay, Kid?” Concern etched Tony’s voice.

“Yeah, you should see the other guy,” he offered, a little dazed. Ow. That actually hurt.

The fun part was when they had to make their stops. Steve and Bucky dropped down to help, but they were ferrying the kids over themselves. They wanted them moving swiftly and didn’t want to risk leaving the doors on the buses open too long.

When they emptied one bus, the quinjet locked onto it and carried it back to the depot after the driver moved to a different bus.

Steve actually went inside one of the buses and if the sounds over the comm were any indication. The kids were thrilled.

“You should try that,” Bucky told him from where he braced atop the last school bus next to Peter. “Go inside and get warm. Give the kids something to smile about.”

“I’m okay out here,” Peter answered. “We keep catching falling debris.” Some of the worst was the ice. So far the Iron Legion had gotten good about nailing those before they made street level. “Suit’s heated, too. You okay?”

Cause Bucky had on a mask and a pair of goggles, but his hair was coated with what looked like ice crystals and he wore his body armor, but not much else in the way of warmth.

“This is late autumn in Siberia,” he said, almost lightly. “At least these guys have heated buses. We had to wade through it back in my day.”

Peter laughed. “Ok Boomer.”

Bucky gave him a look. “Boomer?”

“Yeah, I guess that doesn’t apply to you, does it?”

“No, Pal. I was born well before the war.”

True.

“Sorry.”

The other man—his grandfather and that was never not going to be a little weird and awe-inspiring—chuckled. “It’s fine.”

The next bit of flying debris never even reached Peter, Bucky caught it with his metal arm and wrenched it to the side and down.

Huh. He was fast.

It was a brutally long ninety minutes to get the last of the kids home and the last bus returned to the depot after they dropped off the drivers. Then they got the all-clear, there was nothing left for them to do.

Wanda’s team was already heading back to the Compound. He hadn’t gotten to see her, which was a bummer.

“Going up, Kid,” Tony told him a half-second before he snagged him. “Grab Bucky.” Peter held out a hand and clasped Bucky’s then Tony was lifting both of them. He waited until they were stable on the ramp before he dropped back down for Steve.

The wind buffeted the quinjet but Friday held them steady as Peter and Bucky retreated deeper inside. Then Steve and Tony were aboard and the rear ramp was closing.

Steve stripped off his helmet, which he rarely wore, and then ran a hand through his hair as the suit on Peter peeled off. “Ouch,” Steve said, eyeing him. “That looks like it smarts.”

“Didn’t feel great,” Peter admitted. His backpack was hanging by the lockers. “I’ll be okay—hey, do you guys mind if we swing by the apartment? I gotta grab some stuff.”

“We’ve got stuff for you, Pete. You have your homework, right?” Tony swiveled the pilot’s chair around.

“Yeah, but it’s stuff for Mom…” He paused as Bucky put an ice pack in his hand and steered him toward a bench seat.

“Put it on that,” Bucky told him, pointing at his face. It hurt, but it wasn’t that bad, was it? When he hesitated, Bucky stared at him. Yeah, okay. He put the ice pack on his face.

Steve chucked. “How bad is the visibility?”

“Not great,” Tony said. “But we can get there. Can you get in from the roof or do you need to drop to the street?”

“I can get in my window if I have to,” Peter said. “It’s never locked.”

That got him another look from Bucky and Steve turned away with a grin.

“Yeah,” Tony said slowly. “We’ll discuss that later. Hey Baby Girl, let Red know we’re all safe and sound aboard the quinjet and swinging by Pete’s for some stuff, then we’ll be there, yeah?”

“She knows, Boss. I’ve been keeping her briefed.”

One other benefit of the storm, no one could see the quinjet even if Tony hadn’t put it in stealth mode. When Peter went to grab the stuff, Bucky followed him through the roof entrance and down.

Inside the apartment, Peter did a quick scan around. “I’m just going to grab the bags from my room.”

Bucky nodded, but he didn’t follow him. When Peter emerged, Bucky held a framed picture from one of the shelves. It was one of the last ones Peter had taken with his parents before they died.

His tense expression wasn’t entirely readable, but Peter felt bad.

The other man glanced at him. “I saw this when Clint and I came to scan for listening devices.” Then he looked down at the photograph again. “I didn’t know.”

“I’m sorry,” Peter said quietly. “You would have liked her a lot.”

“I loved her,” Bucky said without reservation and a wave of guilt swamped Peter. Of course, he had. “Easy, Pal.” Bucky had set the photograph down and now gripped his shoulder. “It comes in waves.”

“Yeah,” Peter admitted. “It seems so much better somehow now and yet infinitely worse.”

The other man nodded. “You lost them before. But now you have Natalia.”

“I have both of you,” Peter assured him. “I hope. I know…we kind of had an awkward introduction.” The fight in Leipzig came back to him and Bucky chuckled.

“No worse than me having to haul Steve out of alleys where he was getting his face kicked in. At least you’re not terrible in a fight.”

A laugh broke out of him. “Steve’s not so bad now.”

“No, he trained with Natalia. He got stronger, faster, and now more skilled. But there are worse introductions, Pal. Really. There are.”

“How is she?” He wanted to know before he went up there. “I mean really. She’s so strong, but I’ve seen her cry a couple of times now and I feel so awful that I’m part of the reason she’s crying.”

“You’re not a reason for her to cry anything more than tears of joy,” Bucky told him flatly. “Natalia is… she endures. The pain, it is real, but Natalia will survive. She has strengths that we can’t imagine. She adores you.” He put a hand to Peter’s cheek. “You’re a good young man. You have a strong heart. You get that from her. Don’t let anyone ever tell you differently.”

It was Peter’s turn to swallow around a lump in his throat and he nodded. “Am I anything like you?” The question slipped out before he could stop it.

The corner of his mouth quirked upward and Bucky said, “Could be. I hear you’ve got a couple of dames, maybe even three. Back in my day, I might have liked the ladies a little too much.”

Oh.

“But it’s only one lady now.”

“Will only ever be one lady now,” Bucky told him firmly. “Now, let’s go. Your mom’s waiting for us. You get to meet her cat.”

“She has a cat?”

~~~

The flight to the Tower took longer than normal. “Um, shouldn’t we have made it there by now?”

“Not going to the Tower,” Bucky told him. “Taking you to our place.”

“You have a place?” Surprise flicked through him. “I thought you guys lived at the Tower.”

“They do,” Tony said. “But now they also have a place. It’s pretty exclusive and you get your own room. You should feel special.”

Steve glanced up from the StarkPad he was reading. “He knows he’s special, Tony. He’s family.”

That left a warm feeling burning in his chest. For so long, it had just been him and Aunt May, now he had all these other people. That was on his list to talk to Mom about. They had to tell May. She needed to know she had a bigger family, too.

“Yeah, I got a place for us,” Bucky said. “A safe house, a place to get away from everything. It’s a good place for Natalia to rest and recover. It’s outside the city by a good clip, but we’re close enough to use the quinjet and we can get in and out as needed. Friday was going to fly you out when you got to the Tower as a surprise.”

“Oh, cool.” Then he grinned. “So what kind of place is it?”

Ten minutes later, he had a hard time making out a building as they left the quinjet in a—barn. It was parked inside a barn and they made their way across the snow toward a—cliff. It was rock, like a huge, rock and a part of him wished it wasn’t snowing so he could get a good look at it.

Once they reached the porch though a blast of warm hit him. No wonder there was no snowdrift against the door and then Bucky had it open and they were walking into the cliff itself.

The house was inside a hill.

“It’s like a hobbit hole on steroids,” Peter blurted out as his suit retracted.

“Not quite,” Tony said. “But not wholly inaccurate.”

The door let them into a massive living room kitchen area and the walls were stone. There was a stone floor, with heavy rugs. Music played on throughout the area, a fire crackled and the house smelled amazing.

Mom was on the sofa, facing a chessboard with Cloaky on the other side of the table. She twisted to glance back at them, her gaze going from one to the next, assessing. The minute she focused on him though, she frowned.

“It looks way worse than it is.”

“He iced it on the jet,” Bucky told her as he crossed over to where she sat and bent down to give her a kiss. He murmured something in Russian that Peter didn’t quite catch and she answered him before he straightened.

“Huh,” Tony circled to eye the board. When he reached out a hand, the cloak slapped him and even Steve paused.

“Did it just…?” Peter gaped.

“He did,” Bucky replied, amused.

Tony scowled.

“It’s his move,” Mom told Tony as she stood. “Don’t mess with his game.” Then she glanced at the cloak. “Give me a moment.”

“Hmmph, fine, I want to play you next,” Tony said and Mom chuckled before she gave him a gentle kiss right on the mouth and Tony actually put an arm around her.

Peter stared. They really kissed.

_ Seriously? _ Excitement threaded through him and then he jerked to look at Bucky and Steve. Neither of them glared, in fact, Steve just waited until Tony moved before he gave Mom a kiss, too.

Was she dating  _ all _ of them now?

Really?

“Hey, Petya, you really okay?” She was standing right in front of him, touching his chin lightly as she examined his eye.

“Yeah, can’t even feel it. Probably be mostly healed by tomorrow. I recover pretty quick.” Which made all kinds of sense now.

The corners of her mouth twitched up and then Peter wrapped her in a hug. She gave the best hugs. “Hi Mom,” he said.

“Hi,” she said, squeezing him. “Now, upstairs and shower. Then get changed before we eat.”

“Can I watch you play Cloaky when I come back?”

“Well, after food,” she said.

“C’mon, Pal,” Bucky grabbed one of his bags. “I’ll show you your room.”

“Wait, you mean I really do have a room here?”

“Yep,” Bucky told him. “Planned for it before we knew, figured Natalia would want to bring you along or at least have a place for you. Now you belong here, too.”

The place was so cool, he was halfway across the living room when his gaze landed on the photos over the fireplace. There was one of Bucky with Mom holding a baby.

He almost tripped on the rug but caught himself and then trailed after Bucky with Tony a couple of steps behind him. Peter wanted to explore, the place was huge. There was a waterfall—an actual waterfall—inside the house. The scent of the food in the kitchen made his stomach growl as it reminded him he skipped lunch to help get people home and it had been hours. They went up the stairs and Bucky pointed. “Tony’s room,” then to the one next to it. “Yours.”

He motioned to a different door. “That’s ours. And there’s one more bedroom on this floor. There are more. Plenty of room for company.”

Peter glanced at the empty bedroom. Maybe for Wanda?

That would be cool.

“See you in a few,” Tony told him before he vanished into his room. Bucky opened the door and set the bag down inside and Peter set down his and the backpack. The room was… it was cool. It was done up in dark blues and there was a picture on the dresser. It was him and Natasha from Christmas. There was another one of him and Tony. Then a group shot of all of them from Christmas at the Compound. He was sandwiched in between Wanda and Mom.

“Thanks,” he said slowly as he turned in a circle and then looked to where Bucky stood in the doorway. “This is… this is great.”

“Stevie’s right, Pal. I know it’s a little awkward, but you’re family. You can make any changes in here you want. Just let me or Friday know.”

“Friday’s here too?”

“I am, Mr. Parker. Sergeant Barnes asked Boss and me if we would help secure Nat and I can look after the house while no one is in residence. All protocols are similar to the Tower, if you require privacy, just tell me.”

“Cool!”

“I’m going to shower and you should, too,” Bucky said.

“Bucky…”

The other man paused.

“Do you think maybe we could—you know just sit and talk this weekend? At some point? I have—a lot of questions.” He had asked him before but just in case he forgot.

“I know, Pal, you told me and yes, we can,” Bucky told him. “Go easy on your mom,” he said easily. They’d all just accepted that he wanted to call her that, no judgment or pressure. “She’d do anything for you.”

“I will, I promise. I brought the pictures and stuff.” He motioned to the bags. “Maybe wait on those until tomorrow?”

Bucky’s expression shifted minutely but Peter couldn’t quite decipher it. “Probably a good idea, yeah.”

A cat trotted into the room and leapt up on the bed.

“She really does have a cat.”

“That’s Liho. She does what she wants,” Bucky told him. “Shower.”

“Right,” Peter jerked into motion then pivoted to grab his backpack and put it on the dresser. Bucky closed the door leaving Peter with Liho and he checked the drawers. Yep, he had clothes here.

They’d carved out a space and made him right at home.

And Mom was really with Tony, too now? Like for real? Or…? So many questions.

He pulled out clean stuff and then headed into the shower.

After getting the water started, he fired off a quick text to May.

**Peter:** With Natasha, safe and sound. Gonna be here for the weekend. If you need me, text. Be safe, okay?

She didn’t answer immediately. Then Peter didn’t expect that either. She’d answer when she got a minute and she’d be happy to see he was safe. He’d texted her before they started the relief efforts. For the first time, he got a good look at his face in the mirror.

Yeah, that wasn’t pretty. But it would heal.

He’d been swift to recover when he was younger, too. Always getting banged up. Clumsy wasn’t an act for him, sometimes his brain got away from what his body was doing. It had gotten significantly stronger since the spider bite though.

Was that from Mom? Had his mom—had Mary also healed fast?

He wished he could answer that question for them.

After he stripped, he hesitated and then sent another text to Liz.

**Peter:** Stay safe this weekend. It’s going to be crazy.

**Liz:** You, too. Are you up with the Avengers for the weekend again?

**Peter:** Yep. May’s working.

**Liz:** Call later? Or tomorrow?

He grinned.

**Peter:** Definitely.

His phone buzzed.

**Wanda:** You guys secure?

**Peter:** Yep, just got in. About to shower and then dinner.

**Wanda:** Good. It’s awful out there. Think you guys will make it to the Compound this weekend?

**Peter:** Idk. I’ll ask. Call you tonight?

**Wanda:** I’d like that. How is Natasha?

**Peter:** She looked good. Real good. You’re all right, too? Right?

**Wanda:** I’m fine, I’ve already showered and now I’m curled up in my room watching a movie while it rages outside. I’m just glad we got people safe.

**Peter:** Me too.

“Heading back down, Peter,” Tony called through the door. “Get a move on. Red won’t let us eat ‘til everyone is down there.”

Oh. Crap.

**Peter:** Gotta go. I’ll text before I call so I don’t wake you up.

**Wanda:** I don’t mind if you wake me up.

**Peter:** I mind.

But he grinned.

Setting the phone aside, he hurried in and ducked himself in for a quick wash. The warm water stung his face, but he ignored it. Wanda didn’t mind if he woke her up. He loved talking to her. He liked talking to Liz, too. She was great, but he really missed Wanda when he didn’t get to at least just hear her voice for a few minutes.

He had to make the time to call later, but he wanted to spend time with Mom, too. Make sure she was okay. Especially if she was dating all the guys.

How did that even work?

Then, he shuddered and shook his head.

Nope.

Didn’t want to think about that.

Ever.

She seemed happy and so did Tony, Steve, and Bucky.

Focus on that.


	11. Never Gonna Be Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family time!

**Chapter Eleven**

_Never Gonna Be Alone_

**Natalia/Natasha**

She tracked Peter’s exodus as he followed Tony and James, not missing his stumble when his gaze went to the fireplace. The photo of her, James, and Mary—it gave her pause, too, and at the same time, she craved the fact it was there. Steve’s gift to her at the Tower, adding those photos everywhere—a mark that she really did exist and the memories were hers.

“Hey,” Steve murmured as he wrapped his arms around her. His jacket was still chilly from the day out in the elements. Twisting to face him, she smiled.

“Hey. It sounded like everything went well.” There had been some injuries to civilians. Twisted ankles. Bruises from falls. One broken leg that Sam had to set before they could get the guy out of the Tunnel and to a hospital. Chaotic as it had all been, the only injury the team took was Peter’s black eye. “How are you doing?”

She began to loosen the buckles on his armor. Like the others, he probably needed a shower, too.

“Tired,” Steve admitted, his gaze searching. “But I’m not complaining. It did go well. Hopefully, it stays that way. You?”

“I spent my day cooking, baking, and playing chess in a warm, safe home while all of you were out there. Why would I complain?”

The dry remark pulled a smile from him, but he glanced down at her feet. She was in fuzzy socks so he couldn’t see the bruises.

“Yes,” she said. “I danced for a while.” Freeing the last buckle, she helped push it off of him and he caught it in one hand as it slid free. Beneath it, the insulated shirt was even warmer than he was as all that heat radiated outward. “Before you scold,” she continued, meeting his blue-eyed gaze. “Friday timed me for breaks so I didn’t overdo it.”

“I did, Captain Rogers. While Nat danced for nearly two hours, it was done in twenty to thirty-minute increments, including breaks to check on the paska and to get potatoes on to boil.”

“Boiled?” Disappointed echoed in that word and Natalia laughed. Pressing her hand to his chest, she rubbed a soothing circle.

“Trust me.” It was better to boil them first before she added them to the roasting pans in the ovens to roast the potatoes.

“Not hard, but still. There are so many more interesting ways it seems.”

“There are,” she teased, then rose up on her bruised toes. After kissing him lightly, she said, “I’m all right. Really. It was a quiet day and I needed the time as much as I’d rather have been helping all of you.”

“I know,” he said, catching a curl on his finger and twining the hair around it. “I’m selfish though, I was glad to know you were here and not out in that mess.”

“Didn’t stop you from worrying.”

“No,” he said slowly. “It didn’t.”

“Feel better now?”

He blew out a breath, then wrapped her up tighter and she hugged him. “Now I do.” He smelled like snow, Steve, and sweat. Not that she objected. Closing her eyes, she leaned into him. “You ready for the weekend?”

“Yes,” she admitted. “I like having Peter here—even if he managed to get smacked in the face.”

“In his defense, Angel, there was a startling amount of debris in that wind.”

She grinned. “He doesn’t need defending.”

“Good.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Do I get a sneak peek at dinner before anyone else?”

“Hmm, are you cheating, solntce moya?”

“Gathering intel,” he murmured. “Not that you’re a soft target even if you’re perfectly soft to hold.”

Laughter swelled through her. Leaning her head back, she said, “Nicely done.”

Amusement twinkled in his eyes. She adored it when he would play with her.

“And for that, I will tell you—roast beef, _roasted_ potatoes, grilled vegetables, paska bread, also hot rolls. Then a surprise for dessert.”

“A surprise?” His nostrils flared. “What does one have to do to get the inside track on that?”

“Not cheating would be good,” Tony called as he came down the stairs and Steve grinned.

“It’s not cheating, it’s gathering intel.”

“Corrupting him, Red, I’m telling you, you’re corrupting him.”

Natalia snorted, but Steve’s grin just grew. “You don’t hear me complaining.”

“True enough.”

“Shower’s open,” James called down the stairs and Steve groaned.

“There went my scoop on dessert.” After claiming her mouth for another long kiss, he murmured, “Keep that part a secret from everyone else, too?”

She smiled against his mouth. “Promise.”

Satisfaction filled his expression. “Be back in a few.”

The room seemed chillier as he let her go even if the temperature in the house hadn’t changed a bit, she just wasn’t wrapped up in Steve anymore.

Tony clapped Steve on the shoulder as he passed him and Natalia smiled. “I made fresh coffee when Friday said you were wrapping up.”

“Never leave me,” he said with feeling studying the chessboard. “Because this is why you get me.”

She laughed and then headed for the kitchen. “Don’t do it,” she advised without turning around.

“Looking with my eyes, not my fingers,” Tony said. “Besides Cloaky here would probably slap me again.”

“Probably,” she agreed. She did the third pour for James and Steve before she filled a mug for Tony. Her tea was still sitting on the coffee table next to the chessboard.

“Whose move is it?” Tony asked as she handed him the mug before settling in the middle of the sofa again.

“Mine,” she said, then eyed the board. “Cloaky has some experience at this.”

“And an excellent poker face,” Tony said, his tone dry. He took a sip of the coffee as she debated whether she would sacrifice her rook or her knight to pull out Cloaky’s queen. He was a conservative player, though he’d made a couple of bold moves, he always retreated to something safer.

Twice now she’d baited him into hasty action, she wouldn’t expect him to go for it a third time. Tony settled next to her, silent as she studied the board. He’d showered and changed into a fresh t-shirt, sweats and like her, socks—though hers were fuzzier. She imagined in summer, padding barefoot everywhere would be as comfortable as it was in socks now.

In summer…

The corner of her mouth curved. In summer, they were going to Montana. But they would come here, too. While she hadn’t been certain in the beginning, every day spent here had given her a sense of belonging. Natalia wasn’t so sure about it but Natasha had decided. The two sides just needed to come to some mutual accord.

The rook. While a strong piece, the knight gave her a little more flexibility and she still had two bishops to Cloaky’s solid none. She moved the rook into position. “Check.”

Retrieving her tea, she smiled and let Cloaky contemplate his next move.

“I don’t know if that’s what I would have done,” Tony said slowly, his gaze fixed on the board. “But that’s an interesting play.”

“It is what it is,” she said, keeping it vague. Yes, Cloaky had the perfect poker face, but she enjoyed the challenge. “How are you doing?”

“Tired,” he admitted. “But it worked, the Legion performed perfectly. Only had a couple malfunction from the cold. Got them on hold until I can look at them when I get back.”

“Could be the shielding. You were upgrading them at one point, did you finish all of them?”

He smirked. “Pretty sure we did, but two out of a hundred isn’t a bad percentage. Just glad it wasn’t any of the ones we deployed to the bridges.”

That could have been bad.

James strolled in, hair damp, freshly shaved and looking warmer. Like Tony, he’d dressed in a t-shirt and sweats, but skipped the socks.

“There’s coffee, the third pour should be done.”

“There’s food, too,” he said, bending over the sofa to kiss her upturned face. “And I smell paska.”

She grinned. “I made about two dozen loaves, I really hope you can smell it.”

Delight lit up his face. “You’re going to spoil me.” The throwback to one of her favorite comments warmed her.

“Good,” she told him. “But you have to save some for everyone else.”

“I’ll think about it,” he said, the twinkle in his eyes satisfying her on a very primal level. How often had her Soldier relaxed enough to let his joy shine out? How long had they been deprived of his happiness?

He deserved so much more than he’d been allowed. After a last stroke through her hair, he headed in to get his coffee. “Pete liked his room,” he said as he poured. “And the pictures in there.”

“Good.”

Tony caught her eye as he nodded to the chessboard with a faint smile. Cloaky had taken the bait, edging his knight in to protect his king. Natalia canted her head to the side. Then swept her bishop across the board and removed Cloaky’s queen.

The cloak snapped as though straightening to look at her. She took a sip of tea as she raised her eyebrows. The cloak divided its attention between her and the board. So far, she’d removed his most flexible pieces save for the one knight and if it stayed where it was, it would be going next.

The bishop was lined up to block his king on one side, her rook could take the knight. He had only one direction to move in and she’d box him in three moves or less.

James padded out to rejoin them.

“I love this house!” Peter called as he raced down the stairs. Natalia didn’t have to look to know he leapt part of the bannister. There was a soft thump as he landed. “How big is it? How many floors?” He leapt over the sofa and bounced on the cushion next to her. “Is there anywhere you don’t want me exploring?” Freshly showered and hair damp, he wore a bright smile. He was in pajama bottoms, socks, and t-shirt that declared _Science is King of the Beasts_. The effect made him look painfully young and the bruise around his eye much worse.

“The armory,” James told him. “You wouldn’t get in anyway. We need to finish your weapons certifications.”

“I’m good with that,” Peter said, then his gaze riveted to the board as Cloaky shifted a pawn. A baiting tactic. He wanted to distract her from the opening he’d left. She nudged her second bishop into position and ignored the pawn. Her queen was protecting her king. “That’s so cool…”

Natalia chuckled before draining the last of her tea. “Cloaky is a good opponent. Do you play chess?”

“Sure, sorta. You know, for fun.”

“We’ll add it to your training. It’s good to think ahead. Anticipate possible plays then prepare for them.”

“Everything’s a lesson?” He looked more curious than dissuaded.

“Not everything, just most things and I like chess. You’d probably be good at it.”

He held something out. “I brought you something.”

It was a small bag, wrapped and folded over itself then tied with ribbon. Setting the empty tea mug down, she glanced from the package to Peter. “You didn’t have to get me a present.”

“I wanted to,” he said. “Open it.”

The demanding note on the last bit had her brows arching, but he just grinned.

“Please.”

“Better,” James told him firmly and Peter ducked his chin.

Shaking her head, she tugged off the ribbon, then peeled back the paper. The fabric inside was flopping so it had to be a t-shirt or…

Tony’s guffaw filled the living room and even James began to chuckle. The shit-eating grin on Peter’s face was the best part. My Little Pony fuzzy socks.

“A little bird told me you liked ponies.”

The laughter from her right grew louder and she casually elbowed Tony in the ribs, not that it dissuaded him any.

“I love them,” she said. Tugging off the fuzzy socks she was wearing, she traded them for Peter’s gift. “Ponies are perfect presents.”

They were still laughing when Cloaky finally made a move and it closed the window on his escape because now all she had to do was move her queen. Steve descended the stairs. “What’s so funny?”

“Petya brought me My Little Pony fuzzy socks,” Natalia called. She balled up the dark brown pair she’d been wearing and then propped her feet against the coffee table and wiggled her toes in the bright blue, pink, and yellow pair she now sported.

Leaning over the back of the sofa, Steve eyed them. “They’re very festive.”

Which was polite because they were absolutely obnoxious in color. Natalia adored them. She tipped her head back to grin at Steve before looking at a still chortling Peter. “I think I’ll wear them every day.”

He doubled over laughing and Tony wiped at the corners of his eyes. James just shook his head. “Is your game with the cloak done?” he asked. “Because the house smells fantastic.”

It was her move and Natalia shifted her queen, taking out the knight. “Checkmate.”

There was nowhere his king could move that she couldn’t take him. Shifting from side to side, Cloaky seemed to study the board then he extended a corner of the cloak and she grasped as though shaking his hand.

“You played really well. Have to do this again.”

“But I called dibs,” Tony reminded her with a pat on the leg. “So I get the next game.”

“Yes, Shellhead. You get the next game.” She stood. “C’mon, let’s feed all of you. I think I made enough, but you and I should probably get our plates first.” The last was a warning and Tony chuckled.

Not that she was worried. Steve and James always made sure her plate was full before they got anything. Steve grinned and caught her hand as she led them not into the kitchen dining area, but the actual dining room, which was located on the other side of the waterfall.

She’d set everything earlier and put the food out when Friday said they were inbound. The roasts had been cooked to a point, then left on warming plates. That would continue to cook them but at a much slower rate so they would be just about medium to medium-rare, which was perfect.

“Wow,” Peter said stopped dead at the sigh of the table. It was oblong with more than enough room for all of them.

“Two roasts, a full twenty-five pounds of roast potatoes, grilled vegetables, paska and rolls,” she ticked off as Steve tugged her around to the other side of the table and pulled out the chair for her.

“Doll, when you said you made dinner, I wasn’t thinking a holiday feast.”

“Well, I had time,” she told James as she sat. “And we need to eat. Besides, it was fun.” It was even more fun to see their stunned faces. Tony and Peter grabbed the chairs opposite her and Steve while James took the head of the table after a brief frown. She rubbed her foot against his leg after he sat and he gave her a small smile.

At her raised brows, he gave her a slight shake of his head. No, he didn’t want to talk about whatever it was. Then his expression brightened as he reached for the first paska loaf. But when Steve started carving on one of the roasts, James rose to work on the other.

“I was hungry before we got here but now I’m dying,” Peter said, his voice almost plaintive. “Everything smells good.”

“Red’s got lots of secret skills,” Tony said, giving her a dry look. “I was thinking pot roast and you make all of this.”

“Pot roast is fine, but I wanted roast potatoes,” she pointed out. When James nodded to her, she held out her plate and he put a nice slab of the meat on it for her and when he would have added a second, she shook her head. “I had lunch, zvezda moya.”

“Fair enough,” he agreed. Tony got three slices from Steve’s roast and Peter got nearly four, thicker ones before he held up a hand. Potatoes were loaded on plates next and Natalia was satisfied that they were the perfect amount of crispy and still very warm. The grilled vegetables weren’t soggy and when Peter reached for the paska, James said, “Wait on that.”

“But you got a loaf,” Peter said slowly. After a darted look toward her, he stared at James with wider brown eyes. “It smells great.”

“It is great, but it is a dessert bread. You can have some after. Eat your dinner first.” With that, James shifted the paska closer to Natalia and she bit back a smile as she lifted the jar of horseradish and spooned some onto her plate.

Peter stared at James a beat longer, but James didn’t so much as flicker. Tony put a hand over his mouth as did Steve, both of them fighting against laughing. When Peter finally looked at her again, all she did was raise her eyebrows. Those eyes didn’t work on her either, no matter how much she adored him.

“Well,” Peter said philosophically. “It was worth a shot.”

“Hmm,” she agreed. “So which language are you going to be learning?”

He hesitated and then his mouth fell open. “Wait…oh, yeah. Crap.”

“That’s not the language she was talking about, Pal,” James told him easily and Peter’s neck flushed as did his ears.

This time, neither Steve nor Tony held back their laughter. After a day of deliberately forcing herself to not worry about them while she tried to make sense of her own head and filling her time with tasks like cooking, dancing, and playing chess. It had been—a good day. Clint had called to check in and they’d talked for an hour about nothing and everything.

She’d told him stories she remembered, fragments lost over the years, that made him laugh. Despite his attempts to pursue the line on Richardson, she wouldn’t discuss it with him. He wanted to blame himself for what happened and it wasn’t his fault. At least it sounded like he and Laura were doing well. Clint had passed the phone to Laura for the last few minutes and it let Natalia catch up with her even if it meant ducking some of her gentle attempts at getting Natalia to talk about what she’d remembered.

The conversation around the table shifted to Peter’s robotics project. James focused on the description as Tony nodded his head. The animation in Peter’s voice couldn’t be missed. He darted his attention back and forth between them. Steve nudged her knee and she tilted her head to find him grinning.

Yeah, he was enjoying it as much as she was.

They shifted from robotics to the training modules James had been working his way through. When he described the drone he’d built, Peter asked if they could look at it after dinner. Peter’s easy acceptance of him had startled James, she hadn’t missed it nor had she failed to notice that he rarely included himself when he talked about who Peter cared about.

As the meal progressed, he relaxed more and they were pitching ideas back and forth. Peter wanted to work on the modules with James this weekend. Then Steve said, “You know, Buck, you should ask Tony.”

“Ask Tony what?” Tony said as he glanced up, a roast potato speared on the end of his fork.

James shifted and shook his head. “It’s fine.”

“No really, ask him,” Steve said. “You’ve mentioned it a couple of times now and since you three are all about the builds at the moment, ask him.”

Peter’s ears went red and then Tony paused as he glanced from James and Peter to her and Steve. Natalia grinned. She hadn’t minded, nor had Steve, but pulling their chains wasn’t a bad thing.

She liked that they could tease them.

With a sigh, James gave Steve a scowl though it lacked any real force before he looked at Tony. “I’m just wondering if anywhere in the modules we get to that flying car your dad promised us at the Stark Expo back in ‘42.”

“Yeah,” Tony said. “You could call that one of Dad’s footballs. He never quite got it off the ground.”

Natalia wasn’t alone in groaning at Tony’s comment.

“But seriously, he never could quite work out the quirks. A flying car is theoretically possible…”

“It’s not theoretical,” Natalia said. “I’ve driven one—should say I’ve flown one.” She washed down her next bite with a swallow of water as movement around the table ceased and four pairs of eyes focused on her.

“Excuse me?” Tony said slowly. “You did what now?”

“Driven a flying car,” she said, then shrugged. “Her name was Lola.”

“You’re making this up?” Tony squinted at her. “This isn’t a joke?”

“No, Phil owned her.”

“Coulson?” Steve asked and she nodded as James’ frown deepened.

“Agent had a flying car?”

“Yep, a 1962 Chevrolet Corvette. Cherry red. Very sweet car.” She cut into the next piece of meat. “Probably not the time to mention it flew due to repurposed advanced Stark Industries technology.”

“Yeah,” Tony said slowly. Then he put his fork and knife down and leaned forward. “Wait, who used my tech to do what?”

“I didn’t rebuild it, but my understanding was at the time...” She almost laughed. The memory was right there. All of it, she could even hear Phil’s voice as he explained it all. The excitement, the way he smiled, and the very firm optimism radiating off of him. “He was a huge Captain America fan, you knew that, right?”

Steve nodded, but Tony waved her on. “Get to the part about my tech, Red.”

“Relax, Tony. It’s done and he didn’t use it to make a weapon or to kill people.” Mostly. It did have guns but to her knowledge, he’d never needed to use them. 

After downing the rest of his water and slamming it like it was a drink, Tony stared at her. Yeah, that was about as patient as he was going to get. Peter grinned as he glanced back and forth, but James focused. It was her mentioning Phil so close to discussing why she’d agreed to use the memory machine. He was looking for the trap.

“Anyway, Phil built the car himself—with his father. It was a project they shared for years and then he finished it. But he was also a big Cap fan and he collected everything he could get his hands on from the Stark Expo back in the day or anything where Steve might have been.”

“He got the flying car,” James said slowly.

“Yep, don’t ask me how. That I don’t know, but it was Stark Tech and it was all there, so he repurposed it, used more advanced materials and probably recruited a few of the brain trusts out of science division, but Lola was his pride and joy. No one was allowed to touch Lola.”

“But you did,” Steve asked.

“Well, I wasn’t supposed to, but then he and Fury shouldn’t have had Clint interrupt me on a mission to answer a bet.” She rolled her eyes. “I borrowed Lola and parked her in Fury’s living room—took a little ingenuity to get her apart and inside and then back together again.”

“You took apart a car that flew?” Tony almost sounded like he wanted to weep.

“I did an excellent job of it. I put it back together precisely, too.” That had been glorious. Clint and Maria had both sent her pictures—separately of course—because she was long gone on a mission when they’d discovered what she’d done.

She wasn’t sure what worried Fury more—that she got the car in his house or that she’d figured out where he lived.

“That’s badass,” Peter said slowly.

“Yeah,” Tony said. “It is…do you know where Lola is now?”

She shook her head. “No, I haven’t really even thought about her since Phil died. But she was a great car.”

After a beat, James looked at Tony. “So, if SHIELD could build one, why haven’t you?”

“Oh, those are fighting words,” Tony declared and James grinned.

“I’m still waiting for an answer.”

Steve laughed. “I think we know what their weekend project will be.”

“Oh, yes,” Peter said with a grin. “Count me in. Mom, you have to come hang out, too. You’re the only one here who knows how it works since you took it apart and put it back together.”

That got her a few speculative looks and Steve groaned.

“There went my plans.”

James and Tony both laughed but Peter made a face and she grinned. “Eat, all of you.”

But they were talking about flying cars now and honestly, it was kind of nice. Steve ran his fingers up and down her arm and she glanced over at him. He raised his eyebrows. How was she doing? She smiled. She was doing pretty good.

This was what having a family was like.

Course, when it came down to deciding what kind of car to modify, she took away their knives and nearly put all three in a timeout. 

~~~

There were actually leftovers by the time they finished. Not much, but they could probably make sandwiches the next day. Since she cooked, the guys banished her to the living room with a glass of wine while they cleared the table. Peter joined her after he finished stacking the plates in the dishwasher. Tony found the chocolate espresso cake she’d made and cut generous slices for everyone. Pete had his with a soda while the guys had coffee with theirs.

She skipped the cake for now. But they piled around her and Liho settled in her lap. Cloaky had reset the board in their absence and the fire had dipped low, so Steve added wood to it. The paska had been a hit at the table, the frosting on the bread made it a bit too sweet for her tastes but James had loved it and between him and Peter, they’d decimated about half of what she’d made with a little help from Tony and Steve.

The rest had been stored, though she wasn’t positive, she was pretty sure James hid some in an upper cabinet. She’d check later. Peter kept taking bite after bite of the cake and his expression amused her.

“Red,” Tony said. “I think you should retire and become a baker permanently. I’ll totally fund the project. You could call it Natasha’s Decadent Treats.”

She snorted.

“No,” James said firmly. “Then we have to share the desserts and you three are enough to have to share with.”

“Point,” Tony said. “New plan, how about I build you a bakery for the Tower, and you can make us your guinea pigs for whatever you want to make?”

“Emphasis on the word pigs,” Steve said idly, though he’d already eaten all of his cake. There wasn’t a crumb or bit of frosting left. “Not that I wouldn’t happily volunteer.”

She chuckled. “I think I’ll save it for when I feel like it and you can all enjoy it for the treat it is.”

“Do you know how to make donuts?” Peter asked, sober-eyed though his lips twitched. No matter how hard he tried, his filters still needed work. Then again, part of his charm was he was so earnest. She wasn’t sure she wanted to change that about him.

“I even know how to make beignets,” she admitted. “And yes, I might be persuaded to make some this weekend if we have the supplies.” She would have to check.

“You are the awesomest of awesome Moms. You’d have slayed it on bake sale days. Aunt May tried,” he said with so much affection. “We ended up always buying stuff even if we had fun trying to make it. Her walnut date loaf wasn’t…always edible.”

Tony snorted and Natalia said, “Well if you end up having a bake sale again, let me know. I can show you how to do it.”

“I could do that. I’m getting pretty good at pancakes.”

It was Steve’s turn to laugh. “That sounds like we have a volunteer to cook breakfast.”

“I can do it,” Peter said, gamely as he reached over and curled his fingers under Liho’s chin. Her purring increased for him. “Happy to do that. I can even do scrambled eggs. The bacon is fifty-fifty I’ll burn it.”

“We can help with that part,” Steve offered. “We’ve been splitting breakfast between us anyway, except when Nat made the pirozhkis and croissants.”

“Cool,” Peter said.

“All right, Red we playing chess or do I get a rematch with Bucky in combat?” Tony asked. James shot him an amused look.

“I’m fine with either, but chess won’t be half as entertaining as the other.”

“Ha!” Tony bounced up, eyes shining and face flushed. Yeah, he was on a sugar rush. This should be fun. “Let’s go, Bucky.”

“One sec,” Steve said as he stood. “Buck grab the other side of the sofa.”

Peter raised his eyebrows but the guys had already lifted it and backed her up a couple of feet then moved the coffee table back toward her. It created more space in the center of the room.

“Just go with it,” Natalia advised Peter. “In a minute you’ll want to be up there, too.”

Stretching his legs out in front of him, Peter folded his arms and grinned at her. “I’m good right here.” His empty cake plate had been stacked with Steve’s and Tony’s. James snagged all of them and carried them into the kitchen before coming back out with the wine and refilling her glass.

All of the wine had been personally vetted and tested, per Friday’s security protocols. They’d gone over all of them for the house during the course of the day. The reinforced doors and window coverings, the reinforced fallout shelter. The placement of Iron Legion inside and out. There were also safety measures taken inside—including one that allowed Friday to flood the place with a knockout gas to tranquilize intruders if necessary.

All a little extreme, but Natalia appreciated the attention to detail. There was even a specialized protocol for Liho and Friday promised the gas wouldn’t harm the cat. Those safety measures had also been utilized.

James gave her a kiss after refilling the wine and murmured, “Kak vashi dela?”

The faintest traces of concern filtered into his gaze. James hadn’t relaxed at dinner, not at first, but now he was. He’d settled. Whatever had been bothering him had loosened its grip. How was she? “V okruzhenii sem'i.”

Surrounded by family.

His grin widened and he pressed another kiss to her mouth.

“You guys know I’m right here, right?” Peter grumbled.

James lifted his head, still staring at her. “Get used to it, Pal. I kiss Natalia.”

Peter laughed. “I noticed.”

“Good,” James told him as he clapped him on the shoulder. “No more complaining or I’ll comment the next time I catch you snogging Wanda.”

“Stop snogging Red then and get over here and meet your maker,” Tony taunted with a grin.

James mock-sighed. “Excuse me, Doll, I need to go beat on the boyfriend.”

She snorted and Steve flat out laughed.

A strange sense of contentment unfolded within her as they pulled on their gaming gauntlets and the screen dropped down. Natalia wasn’t entirely sure what to do with the feeling. The last time it had warmed in her like this had been at the cabin when it had just been her, James, and Mary. Even then, it had only been in those rare moments when she forgot the world beyond existed.

“Oh… _cool!”_ Peter said, jaw opening. He lasted next to her for about three minutes and then he bounced up to perch on the coffee table for a “better view.”

Steve slid into the spot he abandoned and wrapped an arm around her. “Having fun?” he murmured against her ear.

“Actually,” she said. “I am. It’s nice.”

“It really is…” He pressed a kiss to her ear and then Tony yelled.

“Crap.” As his character went flying out of the ring. He made it back before his life was out and hit a power up to restore lost life, but James was right on him.

“Brutal,” Peter said. “Can I play the winner?”

It was almost as entertaining as the discussion about the car. “Do you think they’re really going to build a flying car this weekend?”

“I think they’ll try,” Steve said idly, tracing his thumb in circles against her upper arm. “Could be fun as long as they leave your ‘Vette alone.”

“Wouldn’t do the ‘Vette first,” Tony said, narrowly avoiding another knockout.

“No,” James added. “We’d have to build the model first, prove the theory.”

“Then do an alpha test car,” Peter joined in. “Once we work out all the kinks, then we can do the Corvette. You could have a flying car of your own, that would be so cool.”

She sighed and Steve chuckled. “So, for now, your ‘Vette is safe.”

“I’m going to move my ‘Vette,” Natalia said. “The last thing I need is for it to be a crash test dummy.”

“Hey,” Tony argued. “We’d never let anything happen to your car. Fuck…”

“Language,” Peter piped in but it was too late, Tony was toast.

Pivoting, Tony gave Peter a look and James chuckled. “C’mon, Pal, play Stevie so you can get a feel for it.”

“Hey,” Steve argued. “I’m good here.”

“I’m sure you are,” James told him gamely. “But you’re in my spot and Peter needs to learn to play it before I beat on him.”

With an exaggerated sigh, Steve said, “Fine.” But he stole a long and very thorough kiss that left her just a bit breathless. “Keep my spot warm.” Then he was up and Peter was laughing as Tony helped him with the gauntlet. James slapped the gauntlet against Steve’s chest before he dropped onto the sofa next to Natalia. Liho lifted her head at the interruption then settled it back down again.

One arm around her, James reached over and stroked a hand over Liho. The cat unfurled and stretched out until she was half against his lap, purring steadily. Greedy little kitten.

Natalia smiled.

Steve and Peter were talking it through as Tony came to lean on the sofa behind them. “So, I think we have enough supplies here to get started. We could work on drawing up the plans tonight if you’re up for it.”

“Possibly,” James told him. “Grab a StarkPad and let’s see what we have? Then if we need to pull stuff from the Tower we may have to wait for a break in the storm.”

“Yeah, or we can make do with gear here at least to get a model going. Repulsors are pretty straightforward. We can build those, repurposing them to handle balancing with a car and failure—let’s say you lose one, you don’t want the vehicle to suddenly invert. Safety protocols…”

Natalia only half-listened after that. James stroked the back of her neck slowly while he and Tony debated the design functionalities that had to take precedence and Peter warmed up with Steve in the arena. He was getting the hang of the controls. The hardest part of using the gauntlet to fight was the urge to throw your body into the moves and you didn’t need your whole body. Finger and wrist motion was sufficient.

She finished her wine and set the glass down.

“You want more, Red?”

“Hmm…” She refocused her attention. “No, I’m good. I think I’ll go make tea while you boys plan your playdate.” She nudged Liho who gave her a disgusted look before she leapt over James’ lap and then moved to sit on the arm of the sofa, a disgruntled, greedy little kitten.

She patted James’ thigh before she stood and his grip on her loosened.

“You two want coffee?”

“I’m good,” James told her.

“Yep,” Tony said as he moved to sit on the other side of James, StarkPad in hand. “All good here, Red.”

She stroked her fingers through James’ hair then ruffled Tony’s before she carried her wine glass into the kitchen. Peter let out a whoop and Steve laughed.

“All right, got the hang of it now?”

“Yes.”

“Then we’re resetting and going for real.” The patience in Steve’s voice as he walked Peter through the game just made her smile deepen. Tony and James putting their heads together as they started going through supplies and details added to that swell of contentment. The dark void, where she still could hear her screams from the night she found out about Mary, shrank a little.

The ache, permanently there, ached just a little less.

She never had to be alone again.

Turning away, she blew out a suddenly shaky breath. Wasn’t that unsettling… and dangerous?

~~~

They ended up in the lab despite the gaming, which kept them preoccupied for the better part of a couple of hours. With the list of materials in hand and Steve recruited to help them flesh out the car design, Natalia indulged them as they went through the storage drawers.

Excitement practically shimmered in the air around Peter while anticipation and challenge threaded around James and Tony respectively. For James, she imagined this was a path to achieving a dream of something he’d enjoyed all those years before. For Tony? It was a way to one-up his father as much as it was to share his love of building with James and Peter.

Peter was just excited to be involved. When they asked her for the component list that she could remember, she settled in at a computer and did a breakdown of Lola from the bolts she removed to the car panels, to the reinforced wiring and computer modules in Lola’s engine.

If she closed her eyes, she could almost see the pieces as she took it apart. Tony leaned over her shoulder, murmuring the words almost as fast as she typed them in.

“Friday, we’re going to need to go into build mode, Baby Girl. I need to produce some of these parts. They aren’t going to just be sitting in the shop.”

“You got it, Boss. Do you want stress testing done on the pieces?”

“Definitely, let’s get started. I’ll fly in tomorrow to grab them…”

“…if the storm isn’t throwing everything at us, still,” Steve reminded him.

“Don’t use your practical logic on me,” Tony protested, but Peter laughed and Natalia resumed making the list. They spent another hour working out how exactly to repurpose the repulsors for load balancing. While the Iron Man suit already did a form of that, a car was going to be less aerodynamic since it was based on ground velocities, not the additional lift of being in the air.

Natalia drifted upstairs at one point to make another cup of tea and she was brewing it when Peter came looking for her. “There you are…”

Liho was perched on her shoulders purring away and that got her a quick grin from Peter. “Here I am,” she said. “I didn’t think any of you heard me when I said I was coming up here.”

Red suffused his face. Even Steve had finally gotten caught up in the excitement when Peter suggested they could probably get the bikes to fly, too. That was enough for Natalia to leave them all to their indulgences.

“Sorry we were ignoring you,” Peter said as he hopped up on the island. “It’s really cool to think of all the practical applications. A flying car? That would be as cool as Tony’s self-driving one.”

“Agreed,” she said. “You weren’t ignoring me, you were enjoying yourselves and it was entertaining for the first couple of hours.”

He ducked his chin. “I’ll tell them we should come up and watch a movie or something…”

“Or something,” she said. “It’s getting late and the storm is definitely lashing away.”

With a look toward the living room, Peter said, “You want to just hang out then?”

“If you want,” she told him. “Or you can go play with the guys, I really don’t mind.”

“But I’m supposed to be spending time with you.”

Folding her arms, Natalia leaned back against the counter. “Petya, you are more than welcome to spend time with me. However, it isn’t an obligation. You want to spend time with James, Tony, and Steve, too. I can come back down when you need me for more questions, I’m not going anywhere.”

Exhaling a long breath, he said, “I know, but it hit me when I realized you weren’t there that I wanted to talk to you about more than flying cars—don’t get me wrong. Flying cars are cool, but I have so many questions.”

“Would you like tea?”

He shook his head. “Is it cool if I have another soda?”

“Will it keep you up?”

“Probably not.”

“Then help yourself.” Friday had stocked them with Peter’s favorite.

“Think I could have more cake?” He looked downright hopeful and it was nice to see some of the bruising had already begun to fade. He was right. He would heal. That actually made her feel a bit better.

“Yes, you can have more cake.”

Once he had his slice and his drink, she carried her tea out to the living room and then glanced at the sofa. They hadn’t put it back.

“I got it.” Peter set his stuff aside and shifted the coffee table forward and then the sofa, almost exactly where it was before. “There you go.”

“Handy,” she said with a grin. He plopped down and she set her tea aside before adding another couple of logs to the fire. Then she curled up on the sofa and reached for the blanket on the back and drew it over her legs. A minute later, she had Liho.

The cat had a sixth sense for when she was still.

“I still can’t believe you have a cat.”

“She wouldn’t go away,” Natalia mused. “Always came back. So I left her food. I’d been in her position a time or two.”

“Now she’s got this big house,” Peter said. “I think that’s cool.”

“Well, I don’t know that she’ll stay here when we go back to the Tower. She might go back to Clint then.”

“So that’s where she was before? At the farm? Do you think I could see that sometime?”

“Yes, Petya, I think you can definitely go visit. Coop and Lila would love to see you. The farm is nice. It’s very quiet. Well, not quiet when the kids are awake, but at night—there’s a silence that you can’t imagine.” It reminded her of the cabin now. “It’s quiet here, too. I like that. No city sounds. No horns or sirens. Just wind—tonight there will be a lot of wind, but the way this place is built, it doesn’t howl or whistle.”

He took a bite of the cake, listening to her and she sipped her tea. After washing down the bite, he said, “Is it okay if I ask you about how you became the Widow?”

“You can ask, I’m not going to discuss that part of my life with you. I told you as much as I could when we were in Wakanda. The program… it wasn’t pleasant, Petya. You don’t need to know those stories.” Natasha would never tell him. Natalia did not disagree.

“But those stories—some of them are out there.”

She didn’t sigh, but she studied him. “Were you doing research?”

Ducking his head, he glanced up at her and winced. “I remembered there were articles that came out after the whole SHIELD thing happened. Files. So I went looking—but your file isn’t out there. Some websites have pieces of it, not a lot. Every time I found one they seemed to crash and I figured out that it was Friday shutting them down.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Parker,” Friday intruded. “I scan regularly for sites detailing information formally available in the file dump and remove them as I find them.”

“Oh.”

Natalia took another sip of tea.

“I just… I know you said you had to go back and I understand it.” No, he didn’t. Not fully. He was looking for more reasons as to why she would choose that life over Mary. Over him. Even if he hadn’t existed then. “I get it—kind of. I mean, you wanted to get Bucky back. You couldn’t leave him there alone. So I guess…how could you leave your daughter? How could make that kind of choice?”

“It wasn’t easy,” she said. “And if I hadn’t found Will, I probably couldn’t have left her.” Discussing this would definitely not be easy, but Peter needed to understand for his own peace of mind. “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for the people I care about, Petya. No limit that I would not breach, no line I would not cross. I had a choice. I had a choice to stay and risk her because they would never stop hunting me. I was their asset. The only successful long-term graduate of the Black Widow program—as it turned out, irreplaceable. As irreplaceable as James was.”

For all they tried with Alexei and Leonid, their own egos and tempers got in the way. Yuri? Yuri was always a stupid ox who simply did as he was bid.

“If James were alive, which he had to be because I did not think they had killed him. I hoped they hadn’t killed him.” She had to be honest. “Then the only reason he hadn’t rejoined me was because they had him and he was suffering. If I went back… there was a chance to save him. If I stayed, there was a chance to see Mary grow up but to always be watching over my shoulder knowing that at any time, they could come.”

The Red Room. The KGB. SHIELD.

“If they found out about Mary—they might be tempted to execute me on the spot and take her in my place.”

Peter blanched.

“Always a risk. Save James or risk Mary. I had no other choice I could make. Not after I found Will, he was everything I could want for her. A good father. Someone who would love her and put her first. Someone who would protect her—and give her what I could never. Anonymity.”

“That is really sad.”

“Yes,” she admitted and she had ahold of her emotions by tenterhooks. “Do you understand though? Why I had to go?”

“I wish…”

“So do I,” she admitted. “But I can’t change it. I tried, I fought. I survived, I endured. Now—now I’m here. I have James again. I have you.” She looked up at the picture on the wall. “And I hope she had the life I couldn’t give her.”

“I think she was happy,” Peter said. “She and Grandpa Will were close.”

Grandpa Will. That fit.

“Is it okay to talk about him?”

A part of her wanted to say no. She didn’t want to drag that hole any wider, but this wasn’t about her. “If you want to, it’s fine,” she assured him. “But you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.” She’d given up the right to that when she’d left him. When she’d let him think she died.

If only she’d been able to say thank you for the gift he’d given her—the gift she’d taken.

“Or maybe we save it for tomorrow,” James said quietly and Peter twisted to see him standing at the opening to the living room. “We’re going to wrap for the evening. Did you want to watch a movie, Doll? Or go ahead and call it a night?”

James was giving her an out, covering her back and she found a smile. Pretending it was all right, that she wasn’t aching on the inside was easier when she had Peter to look after. He was so worried about saying the wrong thing. “I’m fine to watch a movie if you want…”

“I’m sorry,” Peter murmured to her, and she cupped his face, careful of the bruise.

“I’m fine, Petya. I told you that you could ask me questions, I didn’t say I would answer all of them.”

He nodded.

“C’mon, Pal, let’s make some popcorn.” James nodded to her tea mug and she passed him the empty cup. “I’ll show you how to make Natalia’s tea. It’s something you should learn.”

Steve and Tony had apparently not been that far behind James.

If she had to guess, they’d come up together and stopped when they heard the conversation. The look of worry creasing Tony’s brow and the way Steve studied her said as much. She stroked a hand over Liho. She was fine.

This was an old pain and it would eventually numb.

They all did.

Eventually.

The question was whether the guys would let her choose the route this evening or if they would press.

“What do you say we introduce them to Scooby-Doo, Red?” Tony suggested. They were letting her have the route.

Steve blinked. “Isn’t that a cartoon?”

“Yes,” Natalia answered with a smile, adoring both of them. “And a live-action one, too.”

“The dog is CGI,” Tony pointed out. “That does make it at least a little cartoon.”

Which started a whole different argument on the status of animation today versus the changes through the decades. They got to Scooby-Doo eventually… 


	12. Shooting Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being there for each other is important.

**Chapter Twelve**

_ Shooting Star _

**Tony**

“Friday, get me a reading on that field.” Tony shifted his flight trajectory. He’d already bounced off it twice. “C’mon, Baby Girl, I need a reading.”

No response.

He angled away, going for distance. If Friday couldn’t penetrate the field to get him a signal, then he’d need to find an alternative way in. Below, fires raged around several overturned cars. Civilians moved haphazardly, avoiding the debris and destruction.

First responders were out there, but it was a nightmare. They needed to clear the exit zones, but this damn shield stood between him and the rest of the team. Switching his HUD, he fired two missiles to eliminate the Chitauri approaching. Most of the sleds had been isolated. The plan worked. They trapped the invasion, but he’d managed to be on the wrong side of the curtain when it fell.

It was like Veronica, draping them from orbit using the ARC reactor to…

Like Veronica.

He snapped his gaze downward and tracked the nearest subway opening. Repulsors at full, he was down the steps and into the tunnels. He weaved his way toward Columbus Circle. The wave of Chitauri heading toward him took every ounce of his attention. Particularly with Friday running silent. Leaving the corpses in his wake, he burst up through the subway entrance to a nightmarish landscape where the skies were blood red and chitauri were everywhere.

The sound of gunfire pulled his attention. Steve tore through an entire platoon with Bucky bringing down the ones coming at them from overhead. But they were just one missed shot away from being overwhelmed. Fighting his way to them, he bought them more time and space.

“You need to get up there,” Steve said and Tony canted his head toward the Tower. It wasn’t coming down, but it had taken a lot of hits. “We’ve got this. Get up there.”

Wait, he was inside the shield… “Baby Girl, you got a twenty on that shield for me?”

Still no response. A shout from the right yanked his attention and he fired at the Chitauri closing in on Peter and Wanda. Not far away, he could see Rhodey fending off another dozen and he launched to help him. The Avengers were fighting everywhere.

“Stark,” Steve said into the comms. Well, at least those were working… “Tony, you gotta get up there. We’ve got this.” The fact he repeated it emphasized the need for Tony to get to the Tower.

But he didn’t want to go.

“Someone else has to do it, Cap…”

“Tony, it has to be you.” Bucky took up the call. “Don’t you think I’d already be there if I could?”

After he knocked another pair off Sam, he twisted to look at the Tower again. Where the hell was Thor or Banner when they needed them? Increasing his speed he shot upward. The portal was still open…

The portal?

No, the portal was closed. And if it was open… this late into the fight there was a nuke on its way.

“C’mon, Stark,” two soft, husky words jerked him around and he stared at the Tower again and the golden horned helmet blazing in the red light. Oh. Hell. No.

He landed on the platform and strode down it, not bothering to shed the suit. The nano suit stayed with him. Loki leaned against the bar in his penthouse, a drink in his hand. “It’s about time you got here, Stark. I was beginning to think I was going to have to throw her out a window to get your attention.”

Her?

The helmet retracted as he stumbled to a halt. Natasha stood two feet from Loki, arms folded, expression blank.

Empty.

Her trigger words.

“Fascinating things,” Loki said. “You humans and all your petty-minded squabbles. You need to be ruled, it’s always fascinated me how much you crave it and yet—you will fight against it with everything you have. But look at her—even her thoughts belong to me now and there’s no pain, no shadows, no more hurting. She’s content. Aren’t you, my dear?”

“Perfectly content.” The flat words carried not an ounce of emotion.

“See?” Loki grinned. “It’s glorious and we have you to thank for it?”

What the…? He glared at Loki. “You’re about to be the ink stain formerly known as Loki.”

“Weak, Stark. Pathetic. You won’t shoot me.”

He snapped up his hand and fired, but too late, Natasha stepped right in front of Loki and took the blast through her chest.

No…

“Or you will and you just kill her. Tsk, tsk…” Loki said with a smirk. “Always the impulsive one aren’t you…”

“Tony…”

“You son of a bitch.” He fired again.

“Tony…”

And again.

Somewhere, Loki crashed through the glass and he would have gone after him, but he couldn’t stop staring at her. The empty eyes, she stared into the void. It was the vision he’d had. She was dead.

“Tony…”

What the hell had he…

“Tony.”

He snapped his eyes open, panting as he viciously tried to catch his breath. Cool hands framed his face and those lifeless, empty eyes were full, vivid and so very alive.

Oh.

She wasn’t dead.

He lunged upward and wrapped his arms around her, crushing her tightly. The rapid cycle of his heart beat like a boxer pummeling his ribs. The softness of her hair brushed his cheek and all he could smell was the citrus and vanilla she seemed to favor in her shampoo.

Not dead.

Very much alive.

“Shh,” she murmured, rubbing his back slowly. Bit by bit, he fought to get his shallow breaths under control. “Just breathe, Tony.”

He was breathing.

It hurt, too.

“Breathe with me.” She tapped out the count against his back gently. “In for four, hold, then out for four.”

The tightness in his chest shifted and he could suddenly take a deeper breath. Pressing his face against her throat, he waited for the steady beat of her pulse. Every one helped calm his own until he was breathing normally.

“Much better, moy umnyy, much better.”

Lifting his head, he blinked at her slowly as she tilted her head. Her hair was rumpled and there was a pillow impression on her cheek. With care, he pushed the hair away from her face. “Hey Red…” Discomfort at the exposure shifted through him.

“Hey,” she answered with the same soothing tone. “Long time no see.”

He let out a little laugh at the absurd statement. “Friday woke you up?”

“Something like that.” She made no move to leave him and he gave in to the need and hugged her closer. Even in the dim light of the room, she looked so vivid and striking. Yes, she’d lost weight. Yes, she still had that air of fragility. But the woman holding him was strong, healthy, and  _ alive _ .

Gradually, the fact he was sticky and sweaty hit him. And he was clinging to her like a barnacle. “I need to—grab a quick shower.” He exhaled as he forced himself to ease back.

“Okay. Want me to go make you something?”

“Don’t go…” He clasped her wrist, then shifted his hand up to her forearm. “Please.”

“I would come back.”

Panic crawled through him. “I’m fine, just…stay?”

“Okay,” she said gently, then covered his hand with hers. “Want me to talk to you while you shower?”

Oh. That would be better. “Sure,” he said. “You know, you should probably avert your eyes though. Don’t want you to realize what you’ve been missing. Might take the evening in a whole different direction.”

It sounded hollow to his own ears, but she indulged him with a smile before she brushed some of the damp hair from his forehead. “I’ve seen it before and unlike some, I don’t miss. I have a very good aim.”

“Damn.” He snapped his fingers. “Need to downplay expectations.”

“Hmm… go shower, Tony. I’ll be right here. I promise.”

He cupped her face, staring into those eyes that always saw way too much. “Thank you.”

“Always,” she murmured and he smiled. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he held it there for a moment as he drank in her nearness. Satisfied, he was awake and that she was real, he let her go.

“Be right back…”

He’d fallen into bed in sweats and a t-shirt, both of which were sticking to his clammy skin now. He stripped the shirt on his way into the bathroom. The lights were brighter in here and a glance over his shoulder gave him a good view of Natasha. She’d followed him to the door and then settled on the floor right outside the bathroom, one leg crossed over the other. She was in sleep shorts and a tank top.

“You cold?” He leaned out to check on her. He hadn’t realized how little she was wearing.

“I’m fine and Friday can nudge the heat up if I need it. Shower.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, then held out a hand. When she caught his fingers, he squeezed. “Thank you.” For coming to get him. For pulling him out of that nightmare. His gaze snagged on hers. They didn’t need more words.

Turning away, he got the water started and then stripped off the rest.

“No Liho, tonight?”

“No,” he said. “She’s thrown me over for Pete. Apparently, she likes him better, too.”

“She likes you fine, Tony, Peter’s just someone new for her.”

“Yeah… it’s all right.” He’d gotten kind of used to the furball. Taking a minute, he brushed his teeth, then ducked himself into the shower. The warm water helped. A lot.

“She showed up on the fire escape of the apartment I was living in one night. I was sitting out there smoking and she just sauntered up like she owned the place. We kind of ignored each other, but when it started to rain, she followed me inside.” Natasha’s voice took on a note of amusement. “I told her not to get comfortable. She kind of gave me this disdainful look and then settled on the window ledge. I didn’t have much in the place. A plant, a mattress in the corner, a chair, one lamp. It was—cozy.”

It sounded like a rat trap.

“I was down for a couple of days—I’d taken a couple of hits on the last job and I needed the bullet wounds to heal. No, I didn’t report it to anyone and I dug the bullets out and stitched them myself. Before you yell at me, Clint already did. But I can do a lot with some thread, a needle, and a gallon of vodka.”

Tony washed his hair and shook his head.

“‘Bout the time I got hungry though, she just watched me as I checked what I had in the kitchen. Not much. I didn’t feel like going out and I didn’t order delivery.”

No, that kind of made sense.

“Delivery people are great covers for assassins.”

Because of that.

“Unfortunately, like I said, I didn’t have much. A couple of cans of tuna and some onion soup mix that had probably expired the year before.”

After rinsing his hair, he made a face. “That sounds charming, Red.”

“I know, right? But once upon a time, that would have been a feast. You’d be amazed by what you can get by eating. But two cans of tuna, two of us. So I split the rations. She got her can and I had mine. It kept raining and I debated putting her out, but she had that little nick inside of her ear. She was a brawler. It was inclement weather. I had the space. So I left the window cracked, made sure my gun was where I could reach it and went to sleep.”

He shut off the water. “Was she there when you woke up?”

“Nope, she bailed sometime in the middle of the night. I got up, shut the window and went out to find supplies.”

A chuckle escaped.

“No harm,” Natasha continued as he toweled off. “The rain had stopped and she didn’t owe me anything. But the next night, I’m out there on the fire escape smoking and she saunters up like she owns the place.”

“How long were you there?”

“That place? I had it for six, seven months. Didn’t stay there as often, though it was just an off the books safe house. I used it more because of the stuff in the city.”

“It was in Manhattan?”

“In Hell’s Kitchen.”

“In Hell’s Kitchen?” He glared as he came around the corner. “You had a rat trap apartment in Hell’s Kitchen when I was six blocks away?”

“Well, eight and yes,” she told him.

He narrowed his eyes. There wasn’t a trace of apology or chagrin in her expression. “You said you had it for six or seven months…before or after the Battle of New York?”

She sighed. “After.”

“Uh huh.” He pursed his lips. “You could have come to the Tower. Hell, I could have gotten you a nicer place than some one-room with a mattress and a plant.”

“One, I could afford a nicer place. I own them. Two, the point of a safehouse is to be—safe. Not to be a palace.”

He snorted.

“Three, you didn’t trust me Tony and I wasn’t used to trusting others.”

“Except Clint.”

“Yes. That said, he also owned the building at the time, so yeah.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Tony grimaced. “Okay, I’m walking away from that statement. Were you still seeing Murdock then?”

“Nope. And he didn’t know I was in Hell’s Kitchen, either. I was dating Maria if I was dating anyone and we didn’t date. Actually… that was crashing and burning then anyway.”

“Because…?” Yes, he was being nosy. “And if you don’t want to answer, you can tell me to shut up.”

She smiled. “I know.” 

When she didn’t continue immediately, he glanced at the towel in his hand and ducked back into the bathroom to hang it back up before he grabbed the clothes he dropped on the floor. Leaving the bathroom, he circled to the closet to get clean clothes.

Head tipped back against the wall, Natasha sighed. “Maria didn’t trust Clint after what happened with Loki.”

Hearing  _ that _ name roll off her tongue so close to having woken from that dream stopped him cold. Thankfully, he was in the closet and she couldn’t see how it rattled him. Grabbing a loose pair of pajama bottoms, he dragged them on and then just snagged a t-shirt.

After a slow exhale, he said, “Clint didn’t have any control over his actions. Why would she blame him?”

“A lot of SHIELD agents died,” she said. “Clint shot at her specifically during the escape from Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S. in New Mexico—though arguably, the fact she was still breathing should have told her he was fighting the control.”

Because Clint wouldn’t have missed. “Add that to the fact she thought you two were still a thing and…” He sighed as he left the closet and found her still sitting there on the floor next to the bathroom. “Didn’t work out real well for you.”

“Nope,” she said with a little shrug. “It’s fine. I couldn’t tell her she was wrong and she wanted me away from Clint. I wasn’t abandoning my best friend. Even if they reassigned Steve to the team and kept Clint off active duty for a while. He needed the downtime, but I still trusted him and that part boggled Maria.”

Holding out his hand, he waited until she clasped his before he tugged her to her feet. “She wanted to protect you and you are one of the cagiest people I know. If you trusted him, she should have taken some faith from that.”

The corner of Natasha’s mouth kicked a little higher. “Maybe. Anyway…when I moved out of that place, Liho showed up and I took her with me. Got a new apartment, fire escape, let her come and go as she pleased. Moved her to Queens for a while..”

“And she’s not your cat?” Tony threaded his fingers with hers and walked back over to the bed. It settled something that when he sat back on it, she climbed up to sit next to him.

“No, she’s—a cat who happened to need shelter. Just cause I took her with me didn’t make her mine. I was out of the country for a couple of months—didn’t realize Clint made a point of checking on her. Figured she’d have given up on me when I got back, but there she was… and after what went down with SHIELD and I had to go find new covers, Clint talked me into taking her to the farm or at least letting him take her out there.”

Leaning back against the headboard, he played with her hand. The bed was comfortable. His bed at the Tower was better. If this was going to be his room full time here, he was getting them a new bed for this room at least. “Your soft side is showing.”

“I don’t think I can hide it so effectively anymore.”

“I don’t know,” he told her. “I think you don’t have to hide it from us. I think that’s a good thing.”

It meant she trusted them.

She crossed one ankle over the other. “I’m still figuring it all out,” she admitted. “Some parts are easy. Other parts are just…”

“Dark?” It was a guess.

“That’s a word, I suppose. Before you ask, no, I’m not telling you.”

“Not gonna ask,” he said quietly, then settled his other hand on top of the one he already held. “Seriously, Red… look at me.”

She tilted her head to meet his gaze.

“You want to tell me something, I’ll listen. Yes, sometimes I’ll poke and be nosy. But I think you’ve bled enough. I won’t poke at those parts unless you ask me to and even then… I don’t  _ need _ to know.”

The intensity in her eyes held him in place. He hadn’t turned off the light in the bathroom if anything it cast her face half in shadow and half in light. The effect was kind of profound. Natasha had been living in the shadows for so long, that stepping out into the light couldn’t be comfortable even if she belonged in it from the beginning.

“I believe you,” she said quietly and he let out a breath.

“Good.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He didn’t have to ask what  _ it _ was. “Just a nightmare.”

And they didn’t pry. The opportunity was offered and they were free to take the other up on it.

“It was New York—but now instead of then.”

She curled her fingers around his hand and he clasped tighter. If he thought about it, he could pull the images up easily.

“Hard to explain. Pete was there. Bucky. Steve. Clint. But no Thor or Banner. I couldn’t get through to Friday. She wasn’t there either, but then you know it was JARVIS.”

“I remember,” she told him quietly.

Of course, she did, she’d been there, too.

“Anyway,” he said, clearing his throat. “Had to get through some shield that we’d put up, only it didn’t go underground, so I made it through the subways. Took out chitauri all the way. Then you know Cap is telling me I have to get to you that I’m the only one who can and Bucky says the same thing, only when I get to the penthouse—there’s Loki. All smug as shit, happy with the damage and you’re blank, standing there like he’d triggered you.”

Or used the damn scepter on her. Which he couldn’t anymore, the scepter didn’t exist and the stone was in Vision’s head. But it was still there.

He blew out another long breath. “Loki was posturing, you remember how he was…”

“Oh yes,” she murmured. “That I do.”

The dry comment helped, it bolstered him and he dragged his gaze up to study her again. She leaned back against the headboard right next to him.

“He said I wouldn’t dare shoot him.”

“So you did.”

“Ah, you know me well.”

She said nothing.

“You stepped into the shot, Red.” He’d killed her. “Then you were lying there, dead… just like in that vision I saw. And I was the one who killed you.”

Natasha tugged his hand over and put her on her chest just above her breast and right over her heart. “Feel that?” She flattened her hand over his. “Still beating. Not dead.”

“Yeah, I feel it Red—and I’m glad. Just…”

“I’m not dead, Tony,” she told him. “Say it. You need to believe it because that fear is going to eat you up on the inside. I’m alive. You helped save my life. I’m alive because you’re here. You didn’t kill me.”

The words cut right through to the last bit of constriction on his chest. The breath he let out was shaky at best. “You’re not dead,” he said quietly. “You’re very much not dead.”

His shoulders sagged and when he slid his hand up to her shoulder and wrapped it around her, she closed the distance and curled up against him. Eyes closed, Tony sighed.

“You’re not dead.”

“Nope,” she said quietly. “I’m right here. I can even kick you if you need the alive and kicking part.”

A laugh broke out of him. “I’m good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

Resting his cheek against her hair, he sighed. “Watch an episode with me?”

“You want hot cocoa?”

“No,” he said. “Just this. Just—we’ll watch an episode and then I’ll let you go back to bed.”

“Friday?”

“Of course, Nat.” The screen lowered and Tony snagged the blanket to pull it up over her legs. They were chilly to the touch. Natasha settled more firmly against his side and then the opening credits played.

Ridiculous show.

But he loved watching it with her.

“Oh boy,” she murmured. “She’s going to a costume party.”

“They’re doomed,” he agreed. “Nephew’s gonna be there, too.”

Natasha tsked. “That always goes badly.”

“When we have our next party, remind me to leave her off the invite list.”

“Definitely,” she chuckled. “Unless we want to do a murder mystery party.”

“No.”

“Could be fun.”

“No.”

“If I said please?”

“Still no.”

She grinned. “I could change your mind.”

“Probably, but right now, no. And shh…pretty sure that dude is the killer.”

Her snort made him smile. “Five bucks says it’s not.”

“Five bucks? You can do better than that.”

“What do you want?”

“What do you have?”

“She’s the killer.”

“Maybe,” he admitted. “Why her?”

“She’s too nice.”

“Nice isn’t a crime.”

“No, but trying too hard is and she’s kind of manic…”

“Kind of…we betting on this?”

“I don’t know,” she murmured. “Are we?”

“You let me cook you dinner for our next date.”

“You already cooked me dinner.”

“I cooked dinner for everyone. If I win, I get to cook dinner for just you and me.”

“And if I win?”

“Then you feed me.”

“That doesn’t feel like we’re winning much.”

“I don’t need much,” he said. “Course, we could make it interesting and say the cook has to be naked.”

“You would definitely not be getting anything grilled.”

It took him a beat and then he started laughing. They talked through most of the episode and the one after it. He wasn’t quite sure when they stopped talking, but he was pretty sure he crashed halfway through the third episode. 

**Steve**

“No,” Natasha called behind her, still laughing, as she wandered into the kitchen. Her almost exasperated expression made him grin.

“Are they still debating which car to modify?”

“Oh no, they’ve moved on to modifying the engines for speed. Direct vertical lift-off isn’t a problem, we understand how that works from a quinjet, but if you want to be stylish and flexible, then speed is a factor.” She rolled her eyes and Steve laughed.

“You are enjoying the fact the three of them are so invested.” All complaints to the contrary, Natasha had indulged the discussion at breakfast every bit as much as they had at dinner the night before. The distraction was good for all of them. Peter was good for them, her and Bucky both. Steve had already given them a couple of modified designs based on ideas Tony was going over at breakfast. Then he graciously excused himself. He planned to work on more sketches today and check-in at the Compound.

Arms folded, she leaned against the island. “Yes,” she said. “I am. I like how they’re all talking to each other and working together. I like the connection.”

Steve got that. “Not going to spend your day watching over them to referee?”

“No,” she said slowly. “Everyone seems to get along just fine without me supervising and I figured if you planned on working today, I’d come help.”

His eyes narrowed. “Angel…”

“Unless you need to be alone. If you do… okay. I’ve got books to read and research…”

“It’s not that,” he assured her, closing the distance. “You’re on vacation.”

“So are you,” she countered when he clasped her upper arms. Head tipped back and eyebrows raised, she dared him to deny it. “The world doesn’t stop because we do. If you want to check-in and get status reports, then does it hurt if I keep you company?”

Not even a little bit. Pressing his forehead to hers, he said, “You were up for a few hours last night.”

“Bad dreams… Tony’s. Not mine. He needed company. I didn’t mean to fall back asleep in there, but, I did. And I did sleep before.”

He nodded. Friday had told him when he woke and found Natasha missing. “He okay?”

“He’s working on it. But you know how dreams are.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “I do.” Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he wrapped his arms around her. “I’d love your company while I check in with Sam and Sharon. It’ll make me keep the calls brief so I can get back to vacation.”

Natasha laughed softly. “You’ve caught on to my nefarious plan.”

“Not so nefarious,” he teased. “Or particularly secretive.”

The indelicate snort made him grin wider. “I wasn’t even trying to be sneaky. I came to find you, remember?”

“Oh, yes—it’s coming back to me now.”

Laughing, she pinched him. Memory jokes and she laughed. Straightening, he cupped her cheek. When she turned her head and pressed a kiss against his palm, his heart squeezed.

“It’s a good thing I like you, Rogers.” Yes, he was in his favorite kind of trouble.

“You know what, Romanoff…”

Her eyes lit up and he slid his hand to her nape. She rose up on her toes, her lips parting a second before their mouths met. He loved kissing her, discovering all the different ways he could kiss her or she would him. Generous and giving, she held nothing back from him. Not anymore, not in a long time.

He drank in her soft sigh as he nuzzled her lips and grinned when she teased his tongue with her own. Laughter eddied out of her and then faded on another sigh as he deepened the kiss. The feel of her pressed up against him was another favorite. Soft and firm in all the right places, he slid his hands down to frame her hips then when he lifted, she twined her arms around his neck.

The movement brought her head level with his. She slid her hands into his hair and he nuzzled the kiss closer as he sucked against her tongue. The little sounds she made with each little suction sent a wave of heat southward. His cock was hard as a stone, but he just kept kissing her.

“Captain Rogers…”

Steve held up a hand for Friday to wait as he dipped his tongue against hers, dueling. The light scrape of her nails over his scalp sent tingles radiating over all of him. Natasha hitched her legs around him and then she arched upward, bracing all of her weight on her thighs and it freed his hands so he could trail them up to her back.

Tangling his fingers in the collar of the t-shirt she wore—something about  _ That’s a terrible idea! What time… _ —he hooked the chain of the dog tags around his index and middle fingers. The lightest scrape of her teeth nipped against his lower lip.

“Don’t rip the shirt,” she murmured, allowing them both a breath before she locked her mouth over his again. A groan vibrated his throat as she continued to stroke her nails over his scalp, then down his neck and over his shoulders. The motion rubbed her chest to his and even through the fabric, he was achingly aware of her.

“Captain Rogers…”

“A minute, Friday,” Steve murmured, before capturing Natasha’s lower lip and sucking on it. Laughter eddied out of her that turned breathless with he clasped a hand over a curve of her ass then rubbed along her thighs. Nudging her shirt upward, he spread his hands against the bare skin of her back. 

Natasha groaned and tilted her head back allowing him easier access to kiss along her throat. One of the things he needed to figure out was if Bucky had the gear Steve purchased brought out here or not. The more he thought about it, the more he knew what he wanted to experiment with and draw if Nat was willing.

“Captain Rogers, I’m sorry…but Mr. Wilson and Ms. Carter are on the line and waiting for you to join them.”

Steve sighed, lips against Natasha’s pulse point.

“And Mr. Parker planned to head up here, but I have stalled him twice. I do not think a third attempt will work.”

Natasha laughed softly and then tilted her head as she cupped her face. “We can take the call upstairs or in the library…where would you like to be?”

Buried inside of her, but then his focus would definitely  _ not _ be on the call. Another nipping kiss and he set her down carefully. The descent rubbed her against him and he let out a shudder. Natasha licking her lips didn’t help. “Studio,” he murmured. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“You have coffee up there.”

He did indeed have coffee up there. Clasping her hand, he led her out of the kitchen. “Thanks, Friday, please ask them for another couple of minutes.”

“Yes, thank you, Friday.”

“You’re welcome and done.”

Natasha chuckled as they jogged up the stairs, not missing a beat about keeping up with him. Once they made it to the studio level, he glanced at her studio then at her and grinned. “One of my favorite parts about this house is you can be right there and me right here and we’re just a door away.”

“I like that, too. Actually, I like being able to see your studio.”

He paused as he held the door open for her and she prowled in and climbed onto the loveseat. “You haven’t…”

At the slow shake of her head, he grimaced.

“Angel, I have a studio at the Tower, it’s on one of the rec floors.”

“Never seen it,” she told him and he frowned. How had he never taken her there? But at his silence, she said, “I knew you had to have one, but I also didn’t go pry.”

After shutting the door, he narrowed the gap between them again and cupped her face. “You feel free to pry, Angel. As soon as we’re back at the Tower, I’ll show you. I promise.”

“You didn’t have a studio in DC.”

“No,” he admitted. “Took a while for the desire to come back.” He dragged his thumb over her lower lip and she caught it with her teeth. “I’m sorry I never showed you. I wasn’t trying to hide it.”

“Never thought you were,” she said as she let him go. “Steve, we’ve known each other for a while now. You didn’t see me dance for years. I rarely got to see you even sketch. We are who we are, we don’t have to be anything else.”

“Throwing my words back at me, Angel.”

“They were really good words.”

He grinned. “Let me start the coffee and then we’ll dive into the call.” Though he’d much rather dive into something else.

Leaning back on the loveseat, she ran her toes up the inside of his leg. “I’ll be right here.”

“Mean,” he said, not complaining in the slightest.

Once the coffee was brewing and he got his physical responses leashed a little, he said, “All right Friday, thank you for keeping them on hold, put us in privacy mode and we’ll take the call.”

“Connecting you now, Captain Rogers.”

“I’m sorry, you’ve reached the line of Sam Wilson, a man who used to have a life before Captain America put him on hold like he was Avon calling.”

Steve chuckled. “Sorry, Sam. Was talking to Nat.”

“Oh, I see how it is.”

Natasha flashed him a grin.

“How is she?”

“She’s fine,” Natasha said, propping her head against fist as she tracked Steve with her gaze. The half-lowered lids coupled with her lips swollen from kissing and the faint hint of beard burn on her cheeks was rapidly becoming one of his favorite looks.

“Nat—girl. You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice.” Genuine affection filled Sam’s voice and Steve’s smile grew. One of the things he liked about Sam was how even-keel the man always seemed, even in a heavy firefight or emotionally charged situation. He had it together. Part of it was an act, he had his own issues but he’d told Steve more than once—you walk the walk until you can feel it. Sam followed his own advice.

He helped others, led support groups, and always one of the first people to step forward when Steve needed an ear. But he did it in part because it helped him. Helped ground him in where he was now, not on some battlefield. Not holding his dead best friend in his arms.

Not watching him fall.

It was an image that had bonded the two of them. Steve got Bucky back.

Unfortunately, Sam wouldn’t get that lucky.

“Yeah, well it’s really good to hear yours, too. Have to catch up sooner or later.”

“I’d like that,” Sam said. “Sharon’s here…”

“Hi Steve, Natasha—it’s good to hear your voice, Sam’s right about that. We were all worried.”

“I’m good,” Natasha assured them. “A hundred and ten percent, but I’m here more as an advisor and observer, so don’t let me interrupt your meeting.”

She winked at him and Steve chuckled. “Right, you’re still an Avenger, Nat.” He also held up one finger.

“On leave,” she retaliated.

He held up two fingers and her smile brightened a notch. The fact she enjoyed those spankings did something to him that was both fierce and provocative. He savored her reactions and adored the trust she gave him when she surrendered that piece of herself.

The whole of it took him out at the knees. That it turned her on and he found it firing his own desires was really just fortunate as far as he was concerned. Need and desire went hand in hand where she was concerned.

“Partners are never on leave,” he said. “Support capacity.”

“Conceded,” she told him with an impish grin. For that, he held up three fingers. Brat.

Bucky was right about that. She could absolutely be a brat.

He loved it.

Loved her.

“Well, you two sort that out and we’ll just sit here on hold like we don’t have anything else to do.”

Natasha snorted. “Aww, and you were just telling me you missed my voice.”

A snoring sound echoed over the phone. “Oh, what, huh?” Sam teased. “Did you say something to me?”

Sharon and Natasha both laughed.

“All right, point made. Let’s get serious.”

“Bummer,” Natasha joined in and Steve rolled his eyes. “We were just getting to the good part.” And she held up four fingers and Steve countered with five.

“Do you think she can keep him off-topic for the whole time we’re on the phone?” Sharon mused aloud.

“You haven’t been to many team meetings, Natasha can pretty much do what she wants.” The amusement in Sam’s voice didn’t diminish. “Still, some of us want to do other things.”

“Fine,” Natasha said. “I will be quiet.” She mimed zipping her lips. After pouring her mug, Steve crossed to her and drew his finger over her lips to unzip them and then kissed her.

“Okay, we’ll see how long that lasts. Five bucks says five minutes,” Sam said. “She’s got skills.”

“You bet against her and she’ll never say a word again,” Sharon argued. “She has discipline.  _ That _ said. Latest updates, we had two fatalities reported from the patients brought into the hospitals yesterday, neither directly related to the storm. One was a heart attack and the other died from injuries sustained in an accident prior to the storm. So far, power is holding all over the city. Whatever Tony did with the Tower has Manhattan stabilized. There are no significant outages reported in any of the boroughs. The governor is maintaining a state of emergency, the members of the United Nations and the Committee delegates still in the city are secure at their various embassies or residences, although there are about twenty-five along with security and some support staff that are sheltering at the United Nations itself.”

Steve straightened with a wink as Natasha gave him a slow smile. Then he pressed the coffee into her hands and went to finish brewing his as Sharon went down the details.

“Weather reports indicate this storm is probably going to sit on us for another couple of days. We’re looking at an obscene amount of snow. It’s going to make the storm we had before Christmas look like child’s play.” Sharon exhaled. “Moving out from our immediate location, we’re monitoring a couple of hot spots—one in southeast Asia, specifically in the Gulf of Thailand off the coast of Vietnam. There’s been some unusual activity.”

“Define unusual activity,” Steve asked as he poured his cup.

“Two missing freighters, and by missing, I mean totally vanished. They disappeared from radar. Search and rescue planes dispatched to the area haven’t seen any sign of them and there,” Sharon said.

“They didn’t disappear at the same time,” Sam added. “I spoke to an old buddy who runs ops in and around Thailand, private contractor. They put their birds up and couldn’t find the first ship. They were looking for it when the second freighter dropped off radar. They didn’t have a visual on the first, but my buddy swears the second one was there and then it wasn’t.”

“That’s not good,” Steve said slowly. “Did we get any readings? Any satellite coverage?”

“China did,” Sharon admitted. “We’re negotiating with them to see what they saw and it’s… slow-going. I don’t have any assets there I can touch base with so I need to run it through the Committee.”

That could lead them on a merry chase to nowhere. Steve glanced at Nat and raised his brows. Did she know someone? She nodded her head. “We’ll work on that from our end, what’s the other hot spot?”

“Oymyakon, Siberia.”

Steve frowned.

“Small place, really cold, population—five hundred or less. We’re getting reports of the sky burning.”

“The sky burning?” Steve frowned. “If the sky was on fire, it would be the atmosphere.”

“Yeah,” Sam said. “We can’t get any kind of confirmation. The report came to us through back channels. The Russians aren’t advertising it. But the town’s isolated, remote…no idea what could be there. Or why the sky might be  _ burning _ . I’d chalk it up to urban legend, but the source is pretty credible.”

“Who’s the source?” Steve asked as he sat on the loveseat next to her. Natasha had pulled the StarkPad from the table and opened it up, she had a map showing for Russia and she narrowed it right into Oymyakon.

That was awfully deep into the Siberian wilderness. He didn’t have to ask. Natasha’s expression had shifted from playful to sober as she studied the map.

“Fury.”

Of course it was.

Steve sighed.

“Steve,” Sam said. “We know your opinion and I don’t think you’re wrong. But he’s a credible source and he’s telling us this is going on and we might want to check it out.”

“Yeah, he brings us problems, he’s not always credible about where those problems started.”

“True,” Sharon admitted. “On this, I think it warrants a deeper look but access that deep into Russia isn’t going to be easy. They’re not fond of us on the Committee. Friday should have a satellite in position in a few hours and we’ll get a look that way, we just have to look real careful like.”

“Soon as we know more,” Sam added. “We can fill you in.”

“That would be good. We can get there if we’re needed, but crossing borders right now could be an issue.”

“Yes and no,” Sharon pointed out. “The Committee is a lot more amenable or at least rumors suggest they are. Reasonable cause is justification to cross the borders. Though… the political thing to do would be to notify the Russians in case it’s something they can handle on their own.”

Natasha snorted.

“I just said political,” Sharon pointed out. “Not endorsing it.”

Though Natasha said nothing.

“Damn,” Sam said. “You weren’t kidding, we’re well past five minutes and not a peep.”

“But I’m pretty sure she’s flipping you off at the moment,” Sharon told him. Steve shot Nat a grin and she lifted her coffee as a salute but then her gaze returned to the StarkPad. When she set the coffee aside to type, he shifted to keep an eye on her screen. She’d opened a dialogue window.

Putting one finger to her leg, he pulled her attention. Was she planning to hack the Russians?

The bland look said  _ duh _ .

He frowned. Not the best idea.

She raised her eyebrows. Got a better one?

Touching his fingers to her lips, he shook his head. No, but please be careful.

She kissed his fingertips, then winked before resuming her attention on the screen in front of her.

“Keep us in the loop. Anything else?”

“One thing,” Sharon said, sighing. “Just don’t shoot the messenger.”

Natasha paused and Steve lowered his coffee cup. That was not an auspicious beginning. “What is it?”

“The State’s Attorney and the District Attorney have been trying to reach Nat,” Sharon said. “They’ve left several messages with Tony’s people and now they are trying through us.”

“What do they want?”

“Don’t know.” Now, Sharon sounded apologetic. “I played hardball, but they aren’t budging. They want to talk to her as soon as possible. That’s the only message they’re leaving.”

“Thanks, Sharon. Have the calls forwarded to Friday. They can explain to me why they won’t leave a message.” He hadn’t been kidding about anyone coming for her. They wanted to talk to Natasha, they could damn well tell him why. He didn’t know them and he didn’t have a reason to trust them.

“Will do. You guys secure at the Tower?”

“Safe as aces.” It wasn’t quite a lie. They just were keeping the house, its existence and location, quiet. “Stay safe and warm there, check-in if any of those situations change and we’ll brief again tomorrow.”

“Sounds good. Talk to you soon and don’t be a stranger, Natasha. I need a sparring partner who can keep up with me,” Sharon said.

“Hey—” But the rest of Sam’s statement cut off as the call ended.

Sliding his arm around her, Steve kept his gaze on her screen. “Friday.”

“Yes, Captain Rogers?”

“The next time someone from the D.A.’s office or from the State’s Attorney calls for Nat, let me know. I’ll take the call.”

“Boss said if they couldn’t leave a message about what it was about, they didn’t get to talk to her.”

“I agree—so they can explain to me what their message is if they won’t leave it with you.”

“Understood, Captain. I’ll inform you. If they follow the pattern, they will be calling in the next two hours. However, it is a weekend, so they may not call again until Tuesday.”

“Thanks, Friday. Resume privacy mode.”

Glancing at Natasha, he found her watching him. “Do you know how hot you are when you get all protective and fierce?”

He chuckled. “No?”

“Well,” she said slowly, caressing his beard. “Extremely hot would be my call.”

“Good. I wasn’t kidding about not putting up with people coming at you. Now—tell me what you know about this place…” As much as he didn’t want to talk about it.

“There was a Red Room facility there—not much. Just a place for ice training. We would be taken out and given minimal supplies and had to survive twenty-four hours.”

It should shock him. It should.

But the horrors of that place she came from seemed to have no bottom.

“It’s possible, it’s the facility or it’s been repurposed. I haven’t been there in a long, long time.”

“Well,” he said. “Whatever this is, I’d prefer you didn’t go there now.” The triggers were still in there. Stroking his hand through her hair, he asked, “Anything else I need to know about it?”

“Nothing that I can think would matter,” she said. “But I’m going to pull the reports about burning skies. It could be missile testing or some new equipment.”

“And Fury had contacts in Russia?”

“Fury had contacts everywhere,” she reminded him. “Brevlov was his, don’t forget that.”

No, Steve hadn’t forgotten that.

“Five more minutes,” he said quietly and she shot him look. “Please. If you can get in and get it, great, otherwise, we’ll get it another way.  _ That _ is real work. And you already sat through the briefing with me.”

“Five minutes…and if I get in, in five minutes? Do I get a reward?”

Tracing his finger against the chain of his dog tags, he said, “You can have whatever you want.”

“Oh, I like motivation.”

She did it in three. Then packaged it all up and had Friday send it to the team to go through. After stripping off her shirt and setting his coffee cup to the side, she straddled his lap. “Now where were we?”

He grinned. “Right about here…” Then her lips were on his and he let the worries about the rest fall to the side for now.

It was a vacation after all. 

  
  



	13. Fireworks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalia's temper flares when withheld information is revealed. Peter gives her back a piece of the past.

**Chapter Thirteen**

_ Fireworks _

**Natalia/Natasha**

Emerging from the studio at lunch, Natalia helped Steve put together sandwiches, which they delivered to the boys in the lab. That led to another couple of hours as they volleyed ideas back and forth. They already had a launchable, remote, flying car much to her amusement. The best part was the shifting dynamics between Tony, James, and Peter. Sometimes Peter and James were on the same side, other times it was James and Tony. Their arguments were both hilarious and time-consuming. No sooner did they settle on one answer, then they’d be off debating the next. 

To be honest, she had no idea which of them was having more fun. Somehow, she suspected all three.

After food, she escaped the debate about engine capacity—truly, she loved their minds but she couldn’t take another moment of velocity versus mass versus air resistance equations—to head to the library. Steve tracked her down where she was reading and lured her into taking a nap. It was just nice to be curled up together on the sofa with Liho staking her claim by sleeping with them.

The storm outside showed no intention of letting up and the living room windows were buried behind a wall of snow when she and Steve made their way back to the kitchen. Friday said the guys were still in the lab.

Natalia made a face and Steve chuckled. “Want me to roust them?”

“No,” she said. “They deserve the time and they’re having fun. Though Tony can get obsessed and if you haven’t noticed…”

“Yeah, so can Bucky when he wants to figure something out. Then again, you do the same thing, Angel.”

“Yet, I’m being a model of excellent behavior.” At her sniff, Steve tugged her to him and gave her a kiss.

“Yes, you are and thank you for it…and for this morning. This afternoon.” The relaxation in his expression and his eyes warmed her. “I enjoyed having you to myself.”

“They did kind of give us the day, didn’t they?”

“Utterly unintentional, I’m sure.” The teasing remark only widened her grin. “Still, what do you want to do for dinner?”

They both glanced around the kitchen and she said, “Tonight would be a great night for takeout.”

“It would,” he admitted and then opened the fridge. “Unfortunately…”

“I know, not an option.” Wrapping her arms around his waist, she leaned against his back and closed her eyes. “Hmm… have you ever had pelmeni?”

“Don’t think you’ve made that before,” he said. “That’s dumplings right?”

“Yep.” She popped the ‘p.’ Steve vibrated with his chuckle and she smiled.

“No, I’ve never had it.”

“Let’s see what we have…”

An hour later, she had the meat simmering with the onions and peppers. Steve had helped her with the chopping and then rolling out the dough so she could make the pelmeni. He got the hang of it pretty quick.

“Something smells good,” James said as he wandered in and wrapped his hand around her nape and tilted her head back for a kiss that had her curling her toes. “Tastes good too.”

“Don’t mess with the chef,” Steve teased him.

“You seem to have the dough down,” James teased him. He smelled a bit like motor oil, graphite, and sawdust…

“Why do you smell like explosives?”

It wasn’t an unusual smell on James, but they’d been in the lab. Here. There was no  _ need _ for explosives.

The corner of his mouth quirked up. “We had to solve the load and resistance issue.”

The load and resistance… her eyes widened. “James you…”

“Blew up my model,” Tony said, his voice a combination of testy, amused, and impressed. “Not just a little blown up—but utterly destroyed.” He strolled into the kitchen, hair standing a bit on end and his face smudgy. “We’re going to be picking up debris for days.”

“It was so cool!” Peter bounced in, his eyes lit. “Bucky kept saying that too much adverse force would tip it, but Tony didn’t agree. I wasn’t sure, but who is going to drop a car out of an airplane and then expect the engines to fire? That’s the closest theoretical we could come up with…” Like Tony, his face was covered in smudges and debris, there were even bits in his hair.

Natalia pinned James with a look, but he just massaged the back of her neck. The placid expression didn’t fool her. Satisfaction rolled off him in waves.

“Arguably, you drop something of that mass at that velocity—it’s not unreasonable you’re going to hit the air like it’s a solid wall.” Tony spread his hands. “But I disagree that it would completely tear the vehicle apart.”

“Except Bucky proved it would. The detonation was equal to the force of an air pocket being struck at two-thirds velocity without the benefit of aerodynamics if the engines were engaged fully.”

Tony grimaced.

“Boom.” Peter laughed. “It was the coolest thing you’ve ever seen.” He pointed to Natalia. “I can’t wait to figure out how to build one like that.”

Now, Natalia locked her gaze on James’ even as he rolled his thumb over her pulse point. “No explosives for you, Pal,” James told him without looking away. “Weapons certification first. Explosives are much later.”

Her eyes narrowed.

He sighed, a near pout—or as close to a pout as her Soldier ever reached. “Very well, no more explosives.”

Rolling her eyes, she elbowed him. “All of you stink. Go shower.”

“Ut oh,” Peter said. “We’re in trouble.”

“I told you Red wouldn’t be pleased.” Though Tony didn’t sound remotely smug about it. “In Bucky’s defense, he was steadfast in his argument, I was the stubborn one.”

Natalia shifted her stare to Tony.

“And he can defend himself,” Tony said raising his hands. “No one was harmed and we’ll have the lab back in shape in no time. But—how was that insulation? You didn’t even hear it!” When she only continued to stare, he opened his mouth to continue then thought better of it.

“Mom, it really wasn’t that bad,” Peter said. Of course, it wasn’t, James knew what he was doing. However, using explosives? Really? There were much more creative ways to make a point that didn’t involve blowing things up.

She’d done her own share of demolition work over the years. Planes. Explosives. Destroying it utterly.

Suddenly, all she could see was the wreckage of Mary’s plane.

Unreasonable. Completely unreasonable.

She flattened the dough she’d been working on. Pelmeni should be almost paper-thin in the dough and hers was already there, it would tear if she didn’t reroll it.

The images were an overreaction, an emotional application of stress and even James’ gentle squeeze couldn’t seem to stop the tumble of them.

“Really, the debris was just messy—which made it funny. It’s not like we got hurt. I mean it was way worse in Wakanda when I realized Steve and Bucky had actually been shot and were sitting there bleeding and we didn’t know how you were. Compared to that, this is nothing.”

Dead silence dropped. James stilled his hand on her neck.

“Shit,” Tony exhaled.

Steve and James had been shot.

The taut emotion elongated and then snapped.

Peter paused at the silence and looked from her to Tony, then to Steve and James. With a wince, he said, “I don’t suppose we can pretend I didn’t say that?” The flat look must have answered the question for her because Peter sighed. “Um… maybe I should go shower.”

“Probably a good idea, Pete.” But instead of following him, Tony stayed where he was. Steve put his hand on hers over the dough she’d just smashed back together, but one glance and he retracted his grip.

No one said anything as Peter climbed the stairs. 

“Natalia…”

“Don’t.” One word. A single clipped syllable. Pulling away from his grip, she pivoted to the stove and shut off the heat under the simmering meat. It needed to cool some before she could add it to the dough she’d been cutting out.

“It was right…” Steve began.

“I said don’t,” she repeated, pinning him with a look.

Shot.

They’d been shot and were bleeding. Noticeably enough that Peter picked up on the worry of it and bad enough that they’d kept it a secret.

Because if it  _ had _ been no big deal, then why say  _ nothing? _

“Fuck it, be pissed at me,” Tony said as he braced his hands on the counter. “The gangs had armor-piercing rounds. Both of them were fine—relatively fine. The bleeding had mostly stopped and infection wasn’t much of a concern and considering how often you avoid medical—with good reason,” Tony tacked on. “I think you can cut them a little slack.”

“You do, huh?” She picked up the rolling pin and it slammed against the counter as she resumed flattening the mangled dough. “Well, then I guess it’s done since you have  _ decided _ .”

“That’s not what I meant,” Tony replied.

“Doll, we said nothing because it wasn’t pertinent. We’d healed by the time you woke up and you had too much on your mind. You didn’t need to worry about this.”

“Okay.” She kept rolling the dough.

“Oh, it’s _so_ not okay,” Tony exhaled the words in a low tone.

With the dough flattened, she exchanged the rolling pin for a knife. James didn’t move, but Steve and Tony glanced at each other.

Idiots.

They were all idiots.

She began cutting the dough into the sections she’d need. Feeding all of them meant she had to make a mountain of pelmeni.

“Angel,” Steve said slowly. “No one lied about it on purpose.”

“Okay.” She kept cutting.

“What do you need us to do?” Tony asked. “You want the exact injuries? The treatment plan? We could get Clint on the phone. If this bus is rolling over us, he can jump right on to the road with us.”

Of course, Clint had been involved. James shifted his weight placing himself directly in her path when she moved to turn and she pinned him with a look. He damn well knew better.

Recognition flared in his eyes and he lifted his chin. “Natalia…”

She just waited. Deciding for her. They asked her to lean on them. She’d done it. They’d implored her to let them help. She’d done it. They wanted her to be as transparent as possible and she’d done that.

But here they were again…

James leaving her at the cabin without so much as a word, refusing to allow her the opportunity to leave because he had to protect her. They hadn’t forgotten they’d been shot. They hadn’t wanted to _worry_ her so they _withheld_ crucial information.

Maybe they didn’t care.

But she did.

With a sigh, James lifted his hands and withdrew from her path. She seized the three-quart sauté pan and moved it to the counter where she’d been cutting the dough. With precision, she began spooning the meat, onion, and peppers mixture into the dough before she closed it. When James would have helped, she put the knife into the cutting board next to the pan and he exhaled.

“Red, we’re sorry?” Tony asked as if he was uncertain and maybe he was. They’d all done their best and they’d definitely all been through hell. What were a few bullet wounds? It wasn’t like she hadn’t had her fair share.

“We’re definitely sorry,” Steve said, his voice a lot more even than Tony’s. “We weren’t keeping it from you forever. But we wanted you to focus on you, remember?”

She spared him a look. Mission accomplished. She no longer wanted to talk to them. Resuming her work, she stacked the wrapped pelmeni into a secondary bowl and when she’d used all the dough, she reached for the next mass from the mixing bowl and dropped it onto the wooden board.

If they wanted to stand there and watch her roll, she wouldn’t stop them. They were going to do whatever they wanted anyway. Particularly if they used her  _ health _ and her  _ focus _ as their excuse.

Idiots.

This was what happened when she allowed them to dictate the terms of the briefing.

“Um…” Peter was in the doorway by the time she began rolling out the third wave of the dough. “I shouldn’t have made a joke about it. Everyone was worried and they wouldn’t leave until they had some idea if you were going to be alright.”

“Pete…” Tony said.

“No, she might not get mad but she looks pretty mad right now,” Peter argued. “You and Clint made them go get the wounds looked at and I’m assuming did the briefing since no one was telling us much about what was happening.”

She sectioned the paper-thin dough. There was going to be enough pelmeni to feed a full unit when she was done. The precision kept her _focused_.

“We should have told you,” Steve said. “You asked Friday for a full briefing. We asked you to wait a little bit—partially so we could tell you about the marriage thing and partially because yes, we want you to focus on you.  _ I _ want you to focus on you.”

Natalia met his gaze and waited.

“I won’t apologize for wanting to protect you anymore than you should have to apologize for wanting to protect us.” They’d covered this ground.

She resumed adding the meat to the dough.

“Petya,” she said, glancing from the pelmeni to him and he brightened a fraction. “I know you just showered, but would you excuse us for a bit?”

“Do you mind if I go call Wanda?”

“Not at all. Just—somewhere not on this floor.”

“Got it.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek, then whispered, “They really were worried about you.” Then with an apologetic look at the guys, he headed for the stairs. Natalia continued the spoon, wrap, seal, and then move the pelmeni.

“Tony, you should go take a shower.”

He blinked. “I’m off the hook?”

She spared him a look.

“Apparently not, but not invited to this part of the conversation.” He patted Steve on the shoulder. “Good luck.”

Then he left.

“Friday…”

“Privacy mode engaging, Nat.”

Even the AI could learn.

Upstairs, one door closed, then the other. Still, she said nothing. Her emotions would not quiet. The riot in her system swung dangerously between furious and hurt.

She wasn’t sure which was more appropriate.

“I’m unhappy,” she said finally.

When James settled his hand on the back of her neck, she didn’t shake him off but damn she was tempted. “Natalia, I’m sorry. You worrying about us was not what we wanted.”

“I know,” she said. “Perfectly reasonable. You don’t want me to worry. You don’t want me to be in the middle of things. You don’t want me to be alone. You don’t want me to do anything that you might not be able to block from getting to me.” Her voice climbed on the last sentence and she sucked in a breath and blew it out.

The shaking translated to her hands. Aware of her heart’s sudden pounding, she shook off his grip as she dropped the last wrapped pelmeni into the bowl and lifted the huge thing to move to the stove.

James raised his hands as he retreated from her space again.

“Contrary to your popular belief, I might be broken but I am not in any danger of falling completely apart because you got wounded.” She slanted a look at both of them. Neither flinched. “And yes, I’m very well aware that I fell apart because of what I found out about Mary. But it seems to have escaped your notice—I  _ have _ survived losing you.”

Closing his eyes, James tilted his head down.

She flicked a look to Steve. “And survived you walking away.”

His lips compressed and he let out a harsh breath.

“I’ve survived a great deal. What hurts…” Now they flinched. “What hurts is learning you were hurt because Peter misspoke. Now he’s got questions and he’s worried because what he said upset me. What worries me is that I can’t decide if I’m more angry or more hurt with the two of you. I’m doing  _ exactly _ what you asked me to do. You’re being amazing about it—except you’re not telling me things and  _ that  _ takes me right back to the night of the Christmas party. Leaning on you doesn’t mean I’m no longer capable of making my own decisions. In fact…”

Boiled or fried?

She eyed the pelmeni.

Boiled.

She got the water going.

“In fact?” Steve prompted.

“In fact, I am making some decisions right now and when I’m ready to share them with you, I’ll read you in. I wouldn’t want to _upset_ you.”

“Natalia.” Warning echoed in those syllables and she pivoted to face her Soldier. “You’re hurt and I’m sorry.” Those pale blue eyes were crystal clear. “But you’ve been the walking wounded for days and I won’t apologize for keeping what amounted to needless information from you. We were fine. Trust me when I say I didn’t feel them. My heart was in another room fighting for her life, what a few bullets did was inconsequential. The only thing that mattered was you.”

“And that thinking is what cost me your life in 1973.”

He snapped his head back.

“Nat, we didn’t want you to hurt or do something like blame yourself…” Steve admitted. “I get how that sounds.”

“Do you?” She pinned Steve in place. “Because not upsetting someone is the same logic you used to not tell Tony what happened to Howard and Maria.”

A muscle ticked in his jaw.

Motioning between them, she said, “We do this together or we’re not doing it at all.” She swept her glance from him to Steve. “You want to be partners. You say that’s what we are. Partners don’t work if we’re not in sync. I’m—” Swallowing around the lump in her throat, she refused to cry. Dammit, she had cried enough. Her heart was a pulsating bruise. “Not telling you things—is what made you not trust me. When I didn’t mention the bet with Tony or the date—you were furious. When I didn’t tell you about the nosebleeds… or the headaches. You were angry with me and frustrated. Steve, you were trying to understand…and I know it disappointed you because you were worried.” She focused on James. “You know me…” Then she looked at Steve. “And you should.”

Natalia wanted to go silent. Let them stew. They didn’t want her to have a voice. She’d take it away. Natasha didn’t want to punish them. The Widow? She wanted to do a job because being someone else had to be easier than this.

“I don’t know who I am from moment to moment right now,” she admitted. “I’m stitching it together, I’m trying to make sense of things and I’m trying to…I’m trying to put it all back where it goes and nothing fits quite the way it should.”

Sparring was off the table. But maybe she could tape her fists and pound on a speed bag. After rinsing her hands in the sink, she said, “Tell me what happened… please.”

Because if she kept talking, she wasn’t sure she wouldn’t explode.

“May I help with the pelmeni while we tell you?” The question from James had her dropping her chin.

She didn’t  _ want _ to be angry with them.

Or ever feel that flash of uncertainty and pain at the idea they’d been shot.

“Please.”

She was wiping her hands on the towel when James wrapped his arms around her. Stiff as she was, she closed her eyes and leaned back into him and then Steve was hugging her and she was crushed between them. The fact she was shaking didn’t hit until then. 

Eyes closed, she focused on her breathing and used their heartbeats to calm herself down. Shattered training would get someone killed and neutered her argument she could handle it if she couldn’t get a grip on the trembling.

“Vy uvereny, chto khotite eto uslyshat'?” James asked in a soft voice. Was she sure she wanted to hear it?

“Da,” she answered. “YA ne znal, chto tebe bol'no, i ya ne byl ryadom s toboy.” She hadn’t known they’d been hurt. Worse, she hadn’t been there to help them.

“English,” Steve said gently. “Please?”

“She’s upset that she didn’t know and she wasn’t there to help,” James said the last with real regret and all the anger bled out of her. “Natalia, you couldn’t have known…it happened in the firefight before we got to your square. Before you were shot. I honestly didn’t even notice it.”

“Me neither,” Steve said and there was a real apology. “Adrenaline. The fight. The Other Guy showing up and then you getting shot… I didn’t even feel it until the others pointed it out and to be honest. I barely felt it then.”

“How many times have I been shot, Natalia?” The blunt question almost made her laugh. “The injuries were nothing compared to what might happen to you. No, it’s not an excuse… and after? It didn’t matter. They healed and you were in cryo.”

The quiet crush on those words was a reproach and she leaned her head back against James’ shoulder and met Steve’s quiet gaze.

“We weren’t plotting to keep it from you… or maybe we were.” Steve frowned. “You’ve been hurting so much. And there’s nothing here for you to fix, Angel. We’re—fine. You’ve seen us.”

Did she want to ask this question? “Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?”

“No,” James admitted. “I just hoped we would be in a better place for you.”

She snorted.

“Natalia I have to protect you, you know this…”

Irritation rifled through her.

“And you have to rebel against me, pushing,” he continued. “Always pushing. I know how many years you had to deal with all of this on your own. I’m painfully aware of it, but you’re not alone now.”

Steve dipped his head so that his forehead rested against hers. “Angel… we’re trying. You’re right, not telling you when we’ve had plenty of time to fill you in let it blindside you.”

The air went out of James with a whoosh. “What do you need?”

“To punch something,” she admitted. “I want to be up for sparring so I can prove to you how not fragile I am. Not that I’m proving much with this reaction.”

“You didn’t break a chair,” Steve said philosophically.

“Or punch a hole in a wall,” James supplied.

“Or go ten rounds with your best friend because we needed to hurt something and neither of us held back.”

Her shoulders dropped and she stared at Steve. “While you had gunshot wounds?”

James squeezed her hips. “Yes?”

“Half-healed,” Steve said. “Bruises were pretty much gone before you were out of cryo and it kept us sane.”

“We couldn’t do a damn thing for you in there, Doll, except be there. I asked you to endure.” The confession cut at her. This was the part they had been holding back because she’d been a mess. “All I could do was sit there. So there I stayed. I wasn’t going to let you wake without me being there and I wasn’t leaving you alone.”

He’d been so angry with her the first time she admitted to having tracked where his cryo unit was or how she’d gone down to see him. And she’d lashed back at him.

“We had to trust everyone else,” Steve said. “So yeah, we could do that because they were all experts, and Tony was there. Tony had a handle on everything, but even he was out on a ledge. But Nat…if I never see you go through something like that again, it will be too soon and yeah, I’m selfish. You have enough hurt right now, I didn’t want you hurting because of me.”

“Or me.”

“You think I want either of you hurting because of me?”

“No,” James said softly, lips pressed to the back of her head.

“No, never,” Steve agreed. “What can we do?”

“Is there anything else I need to know? Something that you have overlooked in telling me because you didn’t want me upset?”

“Clint blackmailed us all into looking after each other,” Steve admitted.

“Well, we kind of all blackmailed each other.”

She glanced from Steve to James. The water was bubbling on the stove and they were still locked together with her in the center but at least the trembling had finally subsided.

“You threatened each other with me.”

The corner of Steve’s mouth kicked up. “More like no one wanted you to worry so—we all used the threat of telling you as a way of keeping each other in line.”

“And then covering for each other was the thing to do because you’d all done the things.”

“Yes,” James admitted.

“Well…at least I know I’m a carrot and a stick.”

Lips twitching, Steve struggled against the laughter, particularly when James said, “You’re my favorite carrot and stick.”

Natalia rolled her eyes and then elbowed him gently before she gave Steve a shove. “The water is going to boil over.”

They released her, albeit reluctantly and James picked up the bowl of pelmeni and dumped half of it into the boiling water. She grimaced at the splashes that hit his arm, but he barely reacted. It was the left arm. Turning away, she linked her fingers behind her head as she paced a few steps.

“I don’t like fighting with you.” Not like this. “I don’t mind disagreeing. But I don’t like feeling like you’re keeping me in the dark on purpose.” More… “I really don’t like the fact I wasn’t there when you needed me.”

“Someone really wise told me that we can’t always be there.” Steve’s tone was gentle and infinitely kind. “I don’t like fighting with you, Angel.”

“I don’t mind it as much,” James said. “You’re hot when you let yourself get truly pissed off.”

She pivoted to look at him and caught Steve giving him serious stink-eye.

A laugh swelled up because… “Seriously?”

James grinned at her. “Absolutely. You’re fierce and furious. I’ve always found it attractive when you let your temper blaze. Rare as it may be, I know it means you love us and that’s why you got mad.”

“Not that we want to give you reasons to get angry,” Steve argued, after giving Bucky a look. “And I never want to hurt you, but you’re right. We did. Not intentionally, but it doesn’t change the fact that we did.”

Any other time, she would have set it aside to deal with later, but she hadn’t been able to this time. “How many times?”

“How many…?” Steve began, then frowned. “Five—no six. I think there were six total.”

“Four,” James said. “Not counting the three I dug out before Clint got the others. Most were flesh wounds. One was lodged in my sternum. Clint did slap an ice pack on one. His bedside manner is not as impressive as he thinks it is.”

She snorted. “Was he yelling at you the whole time he patched you up?”

“No,” Steve said.

“Then his bedside manner is pretty good.”

They both chuckled. James cast a glance at the pelmeni. “What else do we need?”

“Sour cream. And I should have made some bread.” She’d gotten distracted.

“We have bread,” Steve said as he began cleaning up the flour-coated counter. “We still have that paska leftover.”

“Too sweet for pelmeni,” James said as he began to stir the ones in the pot. “We can throw something together. Are those tins of rolls still in there?”

She nodded and retrieved them. Her hand shook a little and she forced it to relax. The tension in her arms and shoulders ached. This was not how she’d wanted this evening to go. They’d had such a good day.

“I need to go talk to Peter.”

“He’s fine, lyubov moya. He’ll be finer still when he sees you’re not upset anymore.” There was a hopeful glint in James’ eyes.

Setting out three of the roll containers, she considered how many that would make and pulled out two more.

“I’m not as upset anymore,” she told him. “I shouldn’t have thrown 1973 at you.” She understood why he’d done what he’d done.

“No, you should,” he said. “I did make that choice for you. I don’t regret making it, Natalia. I will always choose your safety over mine.” He faced her. “Just as you will choose mine over yours.”

She exhaled. There was no argument for that.

“And I’m just as likely to choose both of yours over mine,” Steve said firmly. “We’re all going to sacrifice for each other. Probably why Buck and I worked hard to make sure you didn’t feel like you needed to…”

Dammit.

“In the interests of disclosure…I had a bit of a moment after we used the trigger words. I wanted Friday to update her protocols to incapacitate me or take me out if I ever turned on any of you.”

They both glared.

“She wouldn’t do it, because it violated a root directive from Tony. He was also pissed about it. I admit I was reacting and not acting…” That was dangerous. She glanced at them. “I’m sorry I tried to take that choice away from the two of you.”

“Well…” Irritation vied with affection in Steve’s gaze. “That’s very you, Angel.”

James grimaced “I have contingency plans for if I turn on you.”

Steve glared at him but Natalia wasn’t surprised particularly after his reaction to the morning he’d put his hand on her throat. “You put a kill switch in your arm.”

“The old arm,” James said, then held up the new one. “I don’t think there is one in the new one.”

Tony would have told them. Told her. “You didn’t ask for one?”

“Not this time,” he promised. “I would not keep that from you. Not again.”

Then they both looked at Steve. He folded his arms. “I haven’t asked anyone to incapacitate or shoot me,” he said. “And I’m making it a rule that we don’t do that anymore.”

“Oh, you are?” James said. “You know Natalia and I have agreed to never let either of us hurt you.”

Steve just glared at him and Natalia smiled. “We did do that.” Natasha wouldn’t hurt Steve for anything in the world. Not if she could help it. Natalia understood that desire. She even understood Natasha’s love for him, shared it. Even if she hadn’t been the one who fell for him. He was very easy to care about. Falling for him wasn’t hard at all.

His declaration that no one got to come after her again resonated within her. Steve meant it. When he dug his heels in, nothing made him move.

“Well, apparently Natalia is very fond of that idea.”

“I’m very fond of Steve, zhopa, don’t be a jerk.”

“He can’t help it,” Steve deadpanned. “It’s his default mode.”

“Punk…”

“Yes?”

Then Natalia laughed and all the tension popped. They really were all right. Idiots. Both of them. But they were her idiots.

“Friday,” Steve said as he reached for a sponge to clean off the counter. “Let Tony and Peter know it’s safe to come back down?”

“I love you,” she said. “Both of you.”

With a slow nod, James said, “Then always fight with me Natalia, don’t just take yourself away. I’d rather you yelled at me.”

“You’d rather I threw knives at you,” she countered.

“Well, yes,” he said, smiling.

“You two…” Steve began. “What did I tell you about plotting?”

“I can catch most of the knives,” James said as Natalia retorted, “He’d catch most of them.”

Steve groaned.

“Don’t worry, Stevie. If you ever make her angry enough to throw knives at you, you have a shield. But be wary,  _ she _ has very good aim.”

Peter edged into the kitchen. “I thought it was safe?” He cast a worried look at her and Natalia rolled her eyes.

“It was safe for you before, Petya. And it’s safe now. They are just being idiots.”

“Jerk,” Steve corrected as James said, “Punk.”

“Case in point,” Tony added as he sailed into the room. “Whereas you and I are clearly not on the hook for anything…” He trailed off as all three of them looked at him and Peter glanced from them to Tony and back.

Arms folded, Peter said, “Maybe pretend you are in trouble and you won’t get in trouble. It works for me.”

There was a beat of silence.

Then they all laughed.

“Someone set the table,” Natalia said. “I’m getting the rolls started and James that pelmeni is done, you’re going to make it tough as rubber, swap them out.”

“You heard her,” Tony said, giving Peter a gentle shove and pointed to a cabinet. “Plates. I’ll get the silverware.”

As they hustled, she curled an arm around James and hugged him. He touched his lips to two fingers then pressed them to her lips. Then she caught Steve’s hand and he tugged her close and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

They were okay.

She exhaled and pulled out pans for the rolls before she turned the oven on. Tony caught her eye and raised his brows. All good?

With a small smile, she nodded.

All good.

“So…” Peter said as he carried plates toward the dining room. “Would now be a good time to ask if Steve and Bucky would come do a presentation at the high school for World War II? You know, since we avoided World War Mom?”

~~~

Despite the rocky start, dinner proved full of laughter and teasing. The pelmeni was a hit. Peter had a dozen questions about different Russian dishes. Food talk turned to games as they weaved back toward their car project and the engines. Though Peter glanced at her when they circled back to the velocity testing and wind resistance.

Curling her toes, she brushed her foot against James’ leg and he gave her a slow smile. Yes, they were still all right. Steve had his arm along the back of her chair and whenever she leaned back, he would play with her hair a little. It was nice. After dinner, they headed for the living room but James darted upstairs for a quick shower.

He didn’t miss much as the debate for what movie they would watch took up the next twenty minutes. Natalia voted for more Scooby-Doo but Steve vetoed that and more  _ Die Hard _ , which had been Tony’s suggestion.

“We just watched it at Christmas.”

“It’s a year-round movie,” Tony countered.

“What do you want to watch, Mom?” Peter flopped back on the sofa next to her. The shaky raw feeling from earlier was far from a distant memory, but she didn’t feel quite so off.

“Nothing really,” she admitted. “There’s plenty on Steve’s and James’ lists. There’s always some of Tony’s favorites…”

“Wait,” Tony said. “What came out in the last couple of months that we didn’t see?”

Natalia gave him a blank look. Then she glanced at Steve and he shrugged. The last time Natalia actually went to a movie theater was… ten months earlier?

Maybe a year?

“When was the last time any of us went to the movies?” Tony asked.

“You don’t like going to the movies,” she pointed out.

“True, I’d rather rent out the theater or pay to have a special showing, but my point still stands.”

“I went with friends in October,” Peter said. “But it was kind of busy in November and December.”

“I took Wanda to see  _ Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.” _

“Why?” Peter said. “That looked awful.”

“It was funny,” she said with a shrug.

“We saw  _ Gods of Egypt _ ,” Steve said with a snap as he pointed at her and Natalia snorted. “You were absolutely terrible all the way through it.”

“But you laughed.” The movie had been so bad it was good. They'd seen the French film, too, but they didn't bring that up.

“True,” Steve admitted.

Peter pulled out his phone and started searching. “So, we want a relatively new movie none of us have seen, right?”

That took them nearly an hour to find one they could all agree on. It was an entertaining hour and Natalia ended up curled up between James and Steve by the time they found the one they wanted.  _ The Accountant _ was not remotely boring.

James wanted his gun.

Natalia had one very similar at her safehouse in Queens.

Tony said he could build a better one.

Steve rolled his eyes every time he had to back the movie up because they missed something by talking. Peter laughed.

It was good.

~~~

It wasn’t that late when they called it a night, though Tony seemed tempted to head back downstairs to the lab. Peter gave it a pass and asked if she’d come talk to him for a bit. In his room, she settled on one of the chairs and waited while he got ready for bed. There were two large cases sitting at the foot of his bed, but neither was open. 

She didn’t pry.

There were photo albums there.

After brushing his teeth, Peter emerged from the bathroom and shut off the light before he dropped to sit on the bed. “Hey Mom.”

“Hey, Petya.”

“I’m really sorry about earlier, I didn’t mean to just blurt that out.”

“It’s alright,” she said. “You tend to be very honest and that’s a good trait. A dangerous one sometimes, but a good one. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But you weren’t alright.”

“I’m still healing,” she admitted. “I don’t like it when people I care about are hurt.” She motioned to his face. Most of the black eye had already faded. He healed faster than she did. Maybe. She could heal bruises fairly quickly. Maybe faster than James and not quite as fast as Steve. Either way, the bruise had diminished severely. It would likely be gone the next day.

Of course, he was younger than all three of them and he had a boosted and modified serum in his system.

“Getting angry compromises judgment. I can honestly say that at the moment, I’m fairly compromised. But we worked it out.”

“I’m glad. I felt bad that I got them in trouble.”

She chuckled. “They got themselves in trouble. But you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I’m sorry I kind of ignored you today.”

“You didn’t,” she said. “You were with James and Tony. You were having fun, right?”

“Yeah,” he said, grinning. “It’s really cool. I already liked working on projects with Tony and Bucky looks at things differently. It’s like he doesn’t get caught up in the minutia, he goes right to where we need to be working.”

“He has a good eye.” Better instincts.

“Even the thing with the explosive was cool. It wasn’t as bad as I made it sound. But—it was cool.”

Natalia snorted. “James knows what he’s doing. I would prefer that you two do not blow things up.”

“Even if he knows what he’s doing?”

“Hmm-hmm.” Even experts blew things off of themselves. But she wasn’t going to bring that up at the moment.

Raking a hand through his hair, he said, “Well, I am sorry that we got so caught up. Tomorrow…do you think it could just be you and me and Bucky?”

“We can make that happen.”

“Tony and Steve are great but…”

“Malen’kiy pauk, you don’t have to explain. You want to spend time with James and I.”

“And I brought pictures… we could look at them tonight if you want to, but…I wasn’t sure if you’d be up for it.”

Natalia exhaled. “I don’t know if I am tonight or not.” Admitting that was a weakness and Natalia despised it. After the fight earlier, Natasha shrugged it off. “Petya, ask.”

He blinked slowly. “I’m telegraphing, aren’t I?”

“You’re very honest and you’re curious. You had a very good time today. The three of you are going to make a car fly, I have every confidence.” Tony might even work out a good portion of it that night if they didn’t remind him that vacations meant sleep. “But you have questions. One you wanted to ask me when we were alone. So here we are…ask.”

“I want to ask it but I don’t want to hurt your feelings.”

“I know you don’t want to hurt me. But you’re struggling to understand even if you’re already attached.” She was intimately acquainted with that feeling. “So ask, if I don’t want to answer, I won’t.”

He let out a laugh. “I appreciate how blunt you are about that.”

With a shrug, Natalia said, “You have to know your boundaries. People will always push for more. They will demand. They will request. Sometimes they’ll even beg. You have to know where you will plant your feet. Sometimes you can be flexible, but not always. When you can’t—it’s best to be clear that you won’t.”

Crossing his legs, Peter sat forward. “You were an assassin.”

She nodded.

“You worked for the KGB.”

Another nod.

“You were a spy for them and then later for SHIELD.”

Another nod.

He licked his lips. “You never saw your daughter or Grandpa Will after you left?”

Another shake of her head. “No. I didn’t. Even if I had, I wouldn’t have known them. But I don’t—I looked up a picture of Mary. I never met her. I only knew her until she was two.”

Shoving off the bed, Peter walked over to the bags and pushed one open. The photo albums were visible, but he didn’t pick those out. Instead, he pulled out a small, leather-bound book and a black velvet pouch. “When I went looking for photos and stuff, I found this tucked into the back of a box in the storage unit. Aunt May said that when Grandpa Will did, she and Uncle Ben packed up his place and kept all the personal items. They thought I might want them someday.”

Peter wasn’t looking at her so Natalia shifted forward in the chair and settled into sniper breathing. Slow, steady, even.

“I’ve never really gone through any of it. I think I did it once for a project at school…you know a family tree. Which mine had a lot of stunted branches.” He shook his head. “Anyway…these I think… are supposed to be yours.”

He handed her the book and the pouch.

Taking the book, she glanced at it and then at Peter. “Did you read this?”

“The first two pages…then I stopped.”

She touched her hand to the leather, then the pouch. It was light. But there was something inside of it and ice slithered over her skin.

The shape was unmistakable.

“Please tell me I did the right thing in giving it to you.” Quiet desperation filtered through Peter’s eyes and she curled her hand around the pouch and set it and the book down before she rose.

“Come here.”

Peter was already on the move and she wrapped her arms around him as he hugged her. He lifted her off the ground holding on tight and he was shaking nearly as bad as she had been.

“It’s all right, Petya,” she soothed. Whatever was in that book, she’d deal with it. “You did the right thing.”

“I almost didn’t bring it,” he admitted. “Every time I went to tell you this week that I found it, I couldn’t do it in a text message. So I talked about everything else.”

She smiled as she rubbed his back.

“But it’s yours and you…you have had so much taken away, I couldn’t keep it from you, Mom.” The broken note at the end made her ache.

“Shh,” she murmured again, rubbing the slow circles against his back. “You aren’t keeping anything from me. You haven’t from the day you met me.”

He let out a watery laugh. “That’s cause I have no filter.”

“Da,” she admitted. “And because I have spy whammy.”

The very real laugh he released eased the ache the half-promise of tears in his voice evoked. Finally, he set her down and then wiped his hands over his face self-consciously. “I told Wanda, I found something and I wasn’t sure if I should give it to you because I didn’t want to hurt you and she said that you were the strongest person she’s ever known. Keeping it from you would hurt me and you’d never want that.”

She owed Wanda a hug.

“That was tonight, wasn’t it?”

He nodded. “When I came up here. After I blabbed about them being shot, I was second-guessing bringing it. I want this to all be happy stuff for you and I want to share it with you, but I keep thinking it’s going to be too sad.”

“It will be sad,” she told him, then touched his cheek. “But that’s because we both miss her. Miss them. That’s all right. Because we have each other and we have James. You remember what you said to me?”

When he told her he’d figured it out, he’d hugged her that first time after the truth was in the open.

“You have me and you have Bucky. You have all of us.”

“Da.” Head tilted, she met his gaze. “You have us, too. So—we will be sad, but we’ll be together.” Natalia was on uneven ground with all of this emotion, but Natasha knew what to do. This was Peter and Natalia would do anything for him on that, she and Natasha were united.

He was theirs.

Hers.

“Sem’ya,” he said.

She grinned. “So, you chose Russian then?”

For a moment, he blinked and then his eyes widened. “Oh. Can I pick an easier one first? Like…conversational Spanish?”

“Because you can already speak it?”

He flushed. “Not as well as you might think, but enough to get by.”

“Hmm, then we improve it and you can learn Russian after.”

Peter let out a groan, but he was smiling. “I can do that…Mom.” All at once, he seemed exhausted.

“Go to bed, Petya. C’mon,” she ushered him over and he frowned a little.

“Are you going to tuck me in?”

Natalia paused. “Do you mind?”

The corners of his lips curled and the tips of his ears reddened a little more. “You know it’s probably embarrassing how much I don’t mind right now, but can we make that our secret?”

“No one will ever get it out of me,” she swore.

He grinned for real and then hopped in the bed. “Liho’s not in here.”

“She’s probably with Tony,” Natalia said. “She was sleeping with him before you got here, but come, settle in.” Then she drew the blankets up and tucked him in for real. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she put her hand over his heart. “No bad dreams. Only good ones.”

“I’ll try.” He covered her hand with his. “You too, okay?”

Pressing a kiss to his forehead, she said, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being you.” Another kiss, then she ruffled his hair. “Now sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow and we’ll make time for you, me and James.”

“I’d like that—and I’d like to work on the car some more, too. Maybe.”

She chuckled. “And persuade James and Steve to go to your school?”

“Think you could work a little spy whammy on them?”

“We’ll see.” She patted his hand. “For now, sleep.”

Retrieving the book and the little bag, she said, “Sleep mode, Friday.”

“Sleep mode activating. Goodnight, Mr. Parker.”

“Spokoynoy nochi Friday— Spokoynoy nochi, Mom.” He glanced over at her with a playful grin.

“Umnaya zadnitsa,” she chuckled. “Spokoynoy nochi, malen’kiy pauk.

“What was that?”

“You’ll find out—when you learn Russian,” she teased, then she let herself out and the lights went out in the room behind her as she slid the door closed.

Fingers tight on the book, she glanced down the stairs, but the lights were out and it was quiet. So she turned and headed for their room. They were already in the room, the television screen lowered with an episode of Star Trek playing. Steve sprawled on the bed drawing and James lay slouched in one of chairs with his feet up.

“Hey,” Steve said, then his smile faded. “What’s wrong?”

Yes, apparently  _ her _ filters needed work.

Exhaling, she said, “Peter found something of Will’s and said it’s mine.” She held up the book and the pouch.

The cold sensation skated over her skin. She wanted to read it and at the same time, she wanted nothing to do with it.

“What do you need Natalia?” James stared at her.

What she needed was for her emotions to stop ping-ponging all over the place.

“I need to read this.” But she had no idea what she’d need after that. “And Peter wants time with us tomorrow, James. Just us.”

“We’ll take care of it.”

Steve closed his sketchbook and shifted. “Do you want to read it in here with us or do you want us to leave you to read it?”

Honestly?

She had no idea. 


	14. Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We have what we have when others let us have it, too

**Chapter Fourteen**

_ Reflections _

**Natalia/Natasha**

“Tell you what,” Steve said, patting the bed next to him. “Come here, read the first couple of pages then if you want us to give you time. We can.”

The offer was so very Steve. James studied her quietly and lifted his chin toward the show. “Off or on?”

“Are you going to watch it while I read this?”

“Probably not,” he admitted. Leaving it paused; he followed her over to the bed. She set the book and the bag down then stripped off the hoodie. “Friday nudge the heat up in here.”

“Would you like me to activate the fireplace?”

James glanced at her.

“That’d be nice.” The fact that the room had one was wonderful. Like the one in the library, it was power-based and it flickered to life. She glanced at the mantle over the electric fireplace as James snagged the hoodie from her hand. “We need to put something up there.”

“Swords? Or artwork?” The dry, utterly serious question, made her smile.

“Why not both?”

Steve grunted. “Well, until then,” he said, sliding off the bed. He went into the closet and emerged with his shield. He set it on the mantle. “How’s that? A little bird told me putting up images of your high school crush is the thing to do for girls.”

A snort-laugh escaped. “High school crush?”

He slanted a grin in her direction. “You really liked Captain America back in the day.”

Flinging a pillow with remarkable aim, James nailed Steve in the head. “Yes, the badly acted, terrible shot, and should never have been handed a gun, Cap. She’s not as impressed with the real one.”

Rolling her eyes, she crawled up on the bed and James fixed the pillows so she could sit up against them. Then he handed her the book and the pouch. There was no mistaking the way he shaped his hand around the bag or the flare of recognition in his face. He glanced at her.

“I’m more than happy she prefers Steve to Cap, personally,” Steve said as he returned the pillow volley and James snagged it before it hit him. When he settled on the bed next to her, he glanced from her to James then back. “All good?”

“Steve is great,” she assured him and lifted her chin. He took the invitation and gave her a light kiss. “Definitely better than Captain America.”

James slid onto the bed next to her and leaned back. Neither of them glanced at the book. Opening the pouch, she poured the gold ring out to land against her palm. Steve let out a breath.

“This was Natalie’s,” she explained. “I left it on the body I planted…a confirmation of ID.”

Setting his left hand on her knee, James offered comfort.

“There’s an inscription on the inside.” This should probably go back to Peter. Holding it in her palm was surreal.

“May I?” Steve asked. She placed it in his palm and he lifted it to read. The words were familiar to her. With one finger, she traced the texture of the leather cover on the book. “That’s why…” he murmured as he read it and then looked at her.

“Yes,” she admitted. “Caught me a little off-guard. But he did that because we met at an art gallery.” She’d engineered it carefully, meeting him somewhere out of his comfort zone. The location allowed her to not only to gauge his behavior but also created a circumstance where allying with her would be preferable.

“What does it say?” James’ quiet question pulled at her. He didn’t blame her for any of this but she’d done all of it and as much as he tried to pretend to be unaffected, he wasn’t.

“Work of art,” Steve answered solemnly.

“At least the guy had good taste,” James said easily, then pressed a kiss to her hair. “Don’t tear yourself up about this, Natalia,” he murmured still against her hair. “No, I will never like that someone else could claim you or tries to, but I understand. Just despise the circumstances that brought us there—forced your hand.”

She sighed, eyes closed and leaned into the touch. When Steve took her hand and threaded his fingers with hers, she squeezed him in response. “I’m a mess.”

“You’re allowed,” Steve told her.

Still leaning against James, she tilted her head so she could meet Steve’s gaze.

“I mean it, you’re allowed.”

“I don’t like feeling unstable.”

“No,” he said, giving her hair a gentle tug. “I know you don’t. I don’t see it as unstable so much as working through decades of emotional baggage.”

Emotional baggage? “You’ve been reading.”

“Friday recommended a few books. So did Sam. And I know this fantastic dame that told me we have what we have when we have it. You have so much right now, that’s why it’s hard.”

“We get that,” James said. “It’s why I wanted you here, why I got this place for us. A sanctuary where you don’t have to be anyone other than who you are, confusing bits and all.”

“I wish we’d had something like this for you,” she said. They’d been in the middle of dealing with Alexei and Leonid and that whole mess. Then later, she’d been after Roxxon.

“You did,” he reminded her. Lifting his head, he glanced from her to Steve. “You both gave me a space to be safe. The Tower. The Chalet. The little house in Louisiana. Where you are is a safe place for me.”

“Well, on that,” she admitted. “We agree. But the Tower has responsibilities here even if it is home.”

“Exactly.” Steve lifted her hand and pressed a kiss to it before he released her to take the small pouch and slide the ring back inside.

She wouldn’t thank them for putting up with her. Criss-crossing her legs, she sat up a little straighter and then glanced at the book now lying in the cradle of her lap. “Peter read the first two pages then stopped.”

“Okay,” James said. “Whenever you’re ready, Natalia.”

“We can still step out if you need that,” Steve reminded her.

But she didn’t want them to leave.

“Stay,” she answered. “Please.”

Breathing regulated, she opened the book. Will’s handwriting leapt out at her. For a moment, she could see him sitting across the table from her while he reviewed notes for some case he worked on. They rarely talked about his work, not that she’d been unaware of his employer or the work he did as an analyst. The fact he didn’t bring the work home often kept her circumspect about prying.

But he’d always written his notes in clean, sharp lines. The small print was easily read, never missing a dot on an i or a cross on a t. It helped him keep his thoughts organized, he’d told her once when she teased him about how carefully he wrote despite how swiftly.

The flash of a smile and warmth in his gaze almost tangible as they’d lock eyes briefly before he resumed his work and she read the paper. Mary’s babbling voice as she played nearby punctuated their morning ritual. A peaceful island in the chaotic storm threatening to close in around her, she’d soaked in those moments.

It would be years before she had anything even remotely resembling it again. Normalcy.

_ Natalie is alive. _

The first three words on the page leapt out at her as she focused on the words and not the penmanship. James stiffening told her he’d read it and even Steve’s breathing seemed to quiet.

_ Impossible. Pipe dream. Hallucination. _

_ Maybe a doppelganger? _

_ No. Simpler explanation. She’s alive. _

_ I saw her with my own eyes, a glimpse at first. Then I followed her. The red hair, it was the same shade as Natalie’s. She glanced over her shoulder as though aware of being watched and I caught her eyes. Green. Perfect. But they were cool. Colder than I could have ever imagined from Natalie. _

_ Tried to track her. Lost her in the crowd. _

_ Spent the next week at the same coffee shop. Working there is the same as working somewhere else. I caught her on the street, but she didn’t come inside. I followed. Managed another couple of blocks but she lost me. _

_ I'm not a field agent. _

_ Maybe I’m making all of this up. Maybe I’m seeing what I want to see. _

__

Her stomach sank scanning the words. The icy cold sensation sliding over her skin as she flipped the page.

_ I wrote those six months ago. I spent a month going to the coffee shop daily. Another two months going every other day. I had to stop. Even Mary noticed something off. _

_ Natalie died. Maybe if I write that enough I’ll begin to believe it. Mary keeps trying to fix me up with the single moms of her friends. I have zero interest in dating. Maybe I should pretend. Maybe if I do that enough I’ll make myself ready. _

_ Natalie died over almost fifteen years ago. That woman I saw wasn’t her. Couldn't be. _

_ If she were alive, she would be with us. She loved her daughter. _

_ Why am I writing it in this book? _

_ I don’t know. _

Natalie died fifteen years before.

That put this around ’89.

She’d been in New York to take out two Russian attaches to the U.N. They’d once worked for the Red Room. One was an actual produced Red Room asset; the other had been recruited to their cause. Their presence suggested a growing operation in the States.

Two weeks in New York to establish their patterns. She took out the latter with a radioactive isotope and the former, she cut her throat.

The woman had the temerity to identify herself as the Black Widow.

Natalia didn’t think so.

But after she eliminated the targets, she’d left the city. There had been a job waiting for her in Europe. It would be months before she returned to the States.

Mary would have been seventeen when the Widow's path so briefly crossed with Will's. Swallowing the acid, she turned the page. It was dated for ’92.

_ I should have thrown this book out. I don’t know why I didn’t. Received new intel today, translating from Russian. Old KGB files. _

_ Natalie was in them. _

_ According to the files, she was a Russian operative as of 1981. That can’t be right. _

_ But I’m staring at this photograph, it’s only a profile, but it’s definitely her. _

_ Or her twin sister. _

_ Again, impossible. _

_ Removing the files from the annex is illegal. I took it anyway. _

Below he’d detailed a number of operations cited to Natalia Romanova a.k.a. The Black Widow.

_ The Black Widow is a legend in the circles I travel. Finding tangible proof she even exists is impossible. Yet, these files would indicate not only does she exist, but that less than a decade ago, she was operational. The first stories about the Black Widow date back to the fifties. At least the first ones I’ve been able to uncover. _

_ If I want to explore this further, I’m going to have to do it off the books. The question is, do I explore it? Do I take this file back? It’s the only photo I have of her. _

_ If it’s her. _

_ This is insane. One week. I’ll give myself one week. Then I’m closing the book on this. Mary will be home and she’s too damn perceptive. _

__

The next several pages indicated he didn’t stop after a week. If anything, he began building a timeline. Some of it was accurate. He’d tracked her by mission objectives. Particularly those where prominent figures were silenced by unknown means and in some cases, he was able to elicit footage from local surveillance, though he was unable to pinpoint her on any of them.

It went on for months. Every entry dated, the information logged and his reasoning behind it. The analytical mind he’d possessed sorting the details down to the finest minutia. Scattered amongst the entries was the occasional reference to Mary.

Her graduation from college.

Her recruitment to the CIA.

Will’s disagreement with her over choosing intelligence. He thought she would be safer in a diplomatic position.

Pride resonated from every notation.

_ 1998 _

__

_ A friend pulled an internal file from SHIELD. I’m supposed to be retired, but I consult from time to time. I’d rather keep my hand in, particularly with Mary getting more active. She lied about her assignment, but she likely couldn’t tell me she was moving into operations. Her language skills make her invaluable for long-term assignments in foreign locales. _

_ Doesn’t make it any easier. _

_ What I’m about to enter here won’t be easy, either. Mary, I haven’t decided whether I’ll ever show you this book. If you happen upon this at some point and I’m not here to explain—I’m sorry. Without concrete proof, I couldn’t tell you what I suspect. I won’t. _

_ The SHIELD file details the first known sighting of the woman identified as The Black Widow to 1952 in Helsinki. She introduced herself to Director Carter, Howard Stark, and Director Carter’s husband as Natalie Rushman. The physical description and characteristics match the only photo I found a few years ago. _

_ They are also a ringer for Natalie. _

_ The next entry states the Black Widow was seen in New York, in 1973 and 1974. Though it does not list she had a daughter or any child with her, the notation is the Black Widow was on the run. They attempted to capture her, but she evaded it. Then fell off the map again after 1974. _

_ The next entry… _

The list continued with assignments she’d done with James…including Afghanistan and penetrating the Afghani defense bunker. A dull headache formed behind her eyes. These were details here from before and after she left the KGB.

He even identified the targets she’d taken out in ’89 when he saw her again. The bruise around her heart just intensified with every page she turned.

_ 2001 _

_ They found her. _

Natalia put the book down. Will had known she was alive. He’d figured it out.

“Do you want to stop?” James asked quietly and she didn’t jerk even if she’d almost forgotten they were still there. Lifting her gaze, she met the blazing concern in his.

She shook her head. “He knew.”

“Looks like it,” Steve said gently.

But he never approached her.

With faintly trembling fingers, she lifted the book but it kept shaking until Steve and James stabilized it.

_ Nick is a real son of a bitch. He signed a kill order even though he knew who she was. He tried to tell me he didn’t want me to suffer since I’d put it behind me, but I still know people. Gossip is still currency when you need to gather facts. _

__

Gossip always had been. Nick.

Nick knew Will.

She was going to stab him with a spoon.

_ He tried to deny it at first, but when I wouldn’t bend. He let me observe (only) her debriefing. I sat in a room seven feet away from my wife as she detailed missions she’d undertaken on U.S. soil in cool, precise tones. Nothing about her was Natalie and yet everything was. _

_ The most impossible thing was she hasn’t aged a day. The debriefing went on for a week. I stayed for every minute. Security clearance higher than Nick’s kept him from booting me. I kept my distance though, she trusted no one in that room. Except for the agent who brought her in. He was only allowed in there twice to talk to her. _

_ There was no way she didn’t know she was being observed. Periodically, she would stare at the mirror as if she knew I was on the other side of it. All I wanted to do was ask her why. _

_ Then all I wanted to do was ask her what happened. _

_ I wanted to demand to know why had she left us. Or was that just all a part of her cover. Was that why she approached me at the gallery? Was she some kind of honey trap? No. When Nick asked me the same question later, I told him no. A honey trap blackmails or lifts information. Natalie did neither. _

_ She married me, let me adopt her child, and gave me a family. Then she died. _

_ Not much of a trap there. _

_ Nick took over the questioning at that point. He hammered her on every visit to the U.S. Did she have a family. Undercover ops. _

_ Not once did she mention us. _

__

Natalia sighed. That part of the intake had been brutal. Nick had been particularly vicious. He wouldn’t wait for her to finish answering one question before he drilled down on the next. Sometimes rephrasing the same question over and over to try and trip her up. Even understanding the interrogation technique hadn’t made it any less exhausting.

_ Natalia Romanova is Natalie. But Natalie isn’t Natalia Romanova. Somehow, she doesn’t exist anymore. Yet she’s sitting right there. _

_ Today, they finished up the questioning and left her alone. She was handcuffed to that table with shackles on her ankles and her expression never changed. Nothing Nick did rattled her. Smooth like glass, but for one brief heartbeat, her eyes changed and she looked so damn tired and weary of it all. _

_ I should walk away. Some, distant, logical part of me knows it. But I’ve grieved for this woman for nearly thirty years. Maybe the impossible is possible. _

_ When Nick stepped in to tell me what the council decided. I made a call. I have a lot of capital in this town, a lot of people owe me favors. _

_ Maybe she can’t ever tell me why. Maybe she doesn’t know. _

_ But she’s still my wife. _

_ I’m not going to let them kill her. _

James gave a little start next to her. “He’s the reason you got the deal.”

Maybe. He’d been there for all of that. Put together the information. Then worked to get her instated at SHIELD?

He never spoke to her.

Never told her…

Why would he? She didn’t know him. Before the last few days, she wouldn’t have recognized him if she stood right in front of him. 

__

_ 2002 _

__

_ Nick came by today. He wanted to let me know how Natalie was. I keep my finger on the pulse. I have a few friends who’ve kept me up to date on her activities. I know about the suicide attempts. I know about the fact they kept her in isolation. Nick was careful to not mention any of these. _

_ What he wanted to give me was the psychologist’s assessment. Natalie has gaps in her memory. Large ones. There are whole years she doesn’t remember. Psychological conditioning and mechanical intervention, likely drugs as well. I get why Nick showed me this. He wants me to let go. _

_ I’ve known Nick for years. He’s not a bad guy. But he wants me to let go because he has plans for Natalie. Long as I’m involved, I might interfere. Like the fact, they used her to seduce some mark to get her into a position to kill them. It turns my stomach that Nick and the others use these tactics. _

_ Do I believe the report? _

_ Probably. _

_ Natalie adored her child. You couldn’t manufacture the love she had for her. If Natalie remembered, finding her would be the first thing I’d expect her to do. That she doesn’t… _

_ I let Nick think he’d convinced me. It’s easier to just nod and play along. I have to protect Mary and Peter. But that doesn’t mean I won’t protect Natalie, too. _

_ Maybe she’ll remember us someday and if she does…I want her to know I protected her, too. _

__

The book blurred in front of her. Someone pulled it away and then James had an arm around her even as Steve took her hands. She was so tired of crying. Will had still been fighting for her. The man had zero reason to do any of that. She let him think she was dead and disappeared from his life. Three decades later, he pulled strings to try and keep her safe.

She didn’t know if she could read anymore.

James rocked her slowly as the tears slipped down her face.

_ “You’re going to get water everywhere,” she warned Will when he came up behind her at the sink. He’d been talking about getting a dishwasher, but she liked doing it by hand. It reminded her of the cabin. Of washing the dishes and talking to James. Menial, simple tasks that didn’t require bloodshed or pain. _

_ “Then I’ll help you clean it up,” he promised, nuzzling a kiss to her ear. “Mary’s asleep early for once, which means I get to have a playdate with my wife.” _

_ Natalie laughed. “I see. What does this playdate involve?” _

_ “Well, I was thinking that you all hot and soapy would be a good start.” _

_ Twisting, she flicked soap bubbles at him and he grinned. “I love you,” he said fiercely. “I love everything about you. Even those little secrets you like to pretend you’re not keeping.” _

_ “What secrets?” She teased. _

_ “All of them,” he whispered, lips hovering against hers. “Keep them, Natalie. They don’t change how I feel one whit. You and me? I’m always going to be on your side.” _

__

Always going to be on her side.

It was like being ambushed in the dark with a blindfold on and her hands tied behind her back. The memories fell like blows. Will had been a genuinely kind, intelligent, and gifted man.

He’d kept his promise. Even when she didn’t remember it.

James smoothed his hand over her hair, he was murmuring nonsense in Russian. A steady litany and it pulled her back from the torrent gradually. Another hand against her back, steady and strong. Steve was right there.

A laugh that was half-sob escaped her. “What did I say earlier about not falling apart?”

“This isn’t falling apart,” Steve said. “This is grief, Angel.”

It still hurt like hell.

“Here,” he said. “I got you some water.”

James eased his grip so she could take the proffered glass.

Her throat hurt and the dampness on her cheeks just reminded her of how much control she’d shed.

After rescuing the book from where it had fallen, James found the page they’d been on “Do you want to keep going?”

No.

Yes.

“I don’t know.”

“Do you want me to read it for you?” James offered.

“No.” She wouldn’t ask him to do that. It had to be bad enough that he had to read alongside her. “I can do it.” Blowing out a breath, she glanced from one to the other. Getting a good look at them. “Are you guys okay?”

“I owe the man, Natalia,” James said. “I owed him already. This just tells me how much of my family I have to thank him for. You’re right. He was a good man. A good choice for Mary.”

The fist inside of her squeezed tighter.

“The only thing I wish is I could make this easier on you.”

“Ditto,” Steve said. “Pure and simple. But I’ll say this much, the guy had style.”

That he did.

After she finished the water, Steve took the glass and set it aside and then she curled against him for a hug and like James, he just wrapped her up in it. “I just need another minute.”

“Take all the time you need, Doll.”

Eventually, she was able to open the book again. The next few entries were updates. Some he got from reports from his contacts, others he gleaned from her mission reports she filed.

How he got into SHIELD’s secure database she didn’t wonder. Apparently, Will had possessed a myriad of depths. She’d enjoyed his mind before, but she had a feeling she would have enjoyed it even more under other circumstances.

There were notations for her missions. Including Morocco. One thing that frustrated him was the lack of medical status. He couldn’t imagine her surviving unscathed unless… those speculations always trailed off.

Natalia suspected he’d figured it out or had at least reached a conclusion he didn’t want to detail on the page. There were minor notations about Mary or Peter included in his reports. Like he had to bring them up to mark the passage of time.

She found herself craving those more than the information he gathered on her. Though the emotion was always there. He’d grieved her for years and now that he’d found her again, he seemed to crave the information.

And more than once, he’d intervened on her behalf.

She’d gotten out of SHIELD mandated housing and into her own apartment because he’d pulled strings. Little things, including trying to get the seduce missions reduced. A muscle ticked in James’ jaw and Steve let out more than one sigh when those came up.

Natalia shrugged it off.

Those jobs had been hers for decades.

She didn’t do it anymore.

But if she had to?

_ 2005 _

__

_ I took a meeting in D.C. Call me a glutton for punishment, but I wanted to see her. I got news now and then, but there is something about looking at her that soothes me. The apartment she filed with SHIELD she rarely ever uses. That tells me she has another place. Probably more. _

_ I don’t want to compromise her by trying to find them even if I am curious. The last two times I was in D.C. I discovered she liked the coffee shop not far from the old CIA headquarters. She always carried a cup from there, so I settled in with a newspaper and waited. _

_ She was stateside. She and her partner had just returned from a mission. Three days of overpriced coffee and reading six different papers paid off. She looked good. Settled. More animated than I’d ever seen her. _

_ She wasn’t alone. Her partner was there and they were having a slug bug fight. _

__

Natalia burst out laughing. Aware of the pair of worried gazes on her, she shook her head. “Slug bug…Clint brought that up randomly that morning and punched me. I think he regretted it. His arm was bruised for a week.”

Steve gave a soft snort of laughter, but James just offered a solemn smile.

_ Her smile is still a rarity. But when she lets it out, you just want to smile back. She seems—happier. For a minute, I swore she looked right at me, but she was merely sweeping the place. Her head is always on a swivel. Looking back, she’d done something similar when we’d been together but I hadn’t been looking for it. She met me while on the run, maybe that was also why she never came back. _

_ Maybe she was protecting us. I want to ask her. _

_ The last thing I want to do is walk up to her and see the absolute lack of recognition in her eyes. I’d rather live with my rather poor delusion that I’m making a difference in her life. _

__

_ 2006 _

__

_ Natalie went missing on a mission. Seventy-two hours failure to check-in. Nick called me. He was worried, he admitted that much. He called me because he wanted to know if I had contacts in Budapest. Anti-government protests made access to information sketchy. _

_ I had some. But I wanted something in return. Nick didn’t want to give it to me, but finally conceded. Hopefully, it will be enough to protect her from this point forward. My contacts couldn’t find them, but they did report her partner had been injured. _

_ There were a number of underground medical sites she might take him to or she might treat him independently. All reports indicated she has the skillset for it. I put out some feelers, then let Nick know. _

_ It took four more days before we had anything, I received confirmation twenty-five minutes before Nick said they’d radioed in after a week’s silence. Extraction was on its way. _

_ Natalie was safe. Some scrapes and bruises, Nick assured me. The partner would need some time to recover. When I asked about her mission, Nick said she’d finished it before they called for extraction. _

_ Her missions are dangerous and I wrestle with telling Mary about her mother. I wrestle with meeting Natalie again and telling her about her daughter. Would she even believe me? Mary is a grown woman, but I don’t want to expose her to someone who may never believe any of this is true. _

__

Budapest. It had all gone sideways in Budapest. There was a reason Clint hated the city. The fact Will wanted to tell her and to tell Mary just added to the ache. Would she have believed him if he approached her then?

Probably not.

More pages of small updates, briefs gleaned from the mission reports he had access to. Though he noted some inconsistencies—times when Pierce co-opted her if she had the dates right, but he couldn’t determine anything specific so chalked it up to the vagaries of life in intelligence.

_ 2007 _

__

_ I waited too fucking long. Nick sent her to the crash site. I can’t fathom that man sometimes. But he told me that if anyone could find the pieces for them to begin the investigation it would be her. The CIA is going to bury it. I get to bury Mary and her husband. _

_ I waited too long. _

__

__

The entries after that were almost impossible to read without hurting. James gripped her leg but didn’t ask her to stop. Will hurt after losing Mary. It resonated in every word. The grief. The recrimination. The regrets.

The last entry was three days before Mary’s birthday in 2008. He died the day after. The anniversary of the day “Natalie” died. Only, now she understood he’d known she was alive. Had known for a few years, but he still kept his distance.

After Mary, he said his only solace was that Natalia didn’t know what she’d lost. The agony in those words and in the last entry had James pushing off the bed.

He turned away from both of them and focused his gaze out the window. Natalia turned to the next page and it was blank. He never had a chance to add any more updates.

Drained and raw, she put the book down and after squeezing Steve’s hand shoved off the bed. Slipping up behind James, she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her head against his back.

“I want to think if he’d told you something would have changed,” James admitted a thought she couldn’t bring herself to voice. “I want to think you knowing, Mary knowing—even if you didn’t understand it or have the whole story. Maybe she wouldn’t have been on that plane and you would have had her in your life.”

As much as she wanted to believe the same thing, it wouldn’t have changed a damn thing. She rubbed her cheek against him. “I wish I had answers,” she admitted.

“I know, Doll.” James covered her hands on his abdomen. “I know. Sometimes…”

He didn’t have to finish the thought. She agreed. Sometimes it felt like the whole universe was against them. A light touch against her back as Steve settled one hand there before reaching forward with the other to grip James’ shoulder.

“You two all right for about five minutes?”

“We’re good, Punk, need a breather from it?”

“No,” Steve said, then cut a glance to her. “Just want to go downstairs for a minute.”

“We’ll be here,” she promised and sighed as he pressed a kiss to her temple.

“I’ll be quick.”

Then he was gone.

“James…”

“No, Natalia, you don’t have to tell me you’re sorry, please don’t. You had to choose him and he was a better choice than I realized.”

“But I am sorry you’re hurting.”

He twisted and she loosened her grip so he could face her. “I’m sorry you’re hurting, too.”

She fought for a smile, but she couldn’t quite pull it off. “I ask myself _what if_ constantly.” Admitting it took no effort. “I wonder how I could have done something else. I look back and think…would I still make those same choices?”

“Yes,” he answered without reservation and she met his gaze. “Because you would always choose to protect her over everything else. You would still choose to come and fight for me. Just as I would still choose to give myself up, taking as many of them down as I could to give you the time to get away. It’s who we are, Natalia. We had almost two years, we had a beautiful little girl, she had, I hope, a good life.”

While Will hadn’t gone on at length about that, she could hope from all his comments that he had done exactly that. The fact Mary wanted to fix him up with women for dates amused her a little. Like mother, like daughter…

“There,” James said softly. “What were you just thinking?”

“The remark Will made about Mary trying to fix him up with the single mothers of her friends.”

“She wanted him to be happy.”

“She didn’t want him to be alone,” Natalia said slowly. “It was why I used to fix Steve up, too.”

“Like mother,” he echoed her thought. “That was why you smiled like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you used to when she was little. Soft, secretive, a little proud… but so full of love. It’s what your Will meant when he said he knew you loved her. It glows out of you. There’s been darkness coating it in your grief, but the glow is still there. It shines for Peter and for the first time since you woke up… it’s there for Mary again.”

“She loved you, zvezda moya.”

“She loved you, too, Kotyonok.”

“I think she loved you more.”

He snorted. “I think _we_ loved her best.” Then he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him. The tears threatened, but they didn’t fall.

Loved her best. They put her before themselves.

“We have Peter,” she said.

“He’s a good kid,” James admitted. “Did I really scare you with the explosive?”

“I wasn’t a fan, but I know you wouldn’t let anything happen to him.”

“No,” he promised. “But I’ll be a little more careful so you don’t have to worry.”

She let out a watery laugh. “I don’t think that’s going to be possible. I have so much to lose in all of you.”

“Then we eliminate the threats before they get here.”

“I like that plan.”

The door opened, the slide almost silent.

Almost.

“What did I say about you two plotting?” The humor in Steve’s voice robbed it of any real pique.

“Deal with it,” James said, a hint of amusement threading through the weariness in his voice. “And Punk, that’s one of the best ideas you’ve ever had.”

She twisted to find Steve holding up two bottles of vodka and three glasses. “I think we’ve earned it,” he said. “I put two more in the freezer.” He nodded to the fire. “I have a surprise, too.”

Catching a blanket off the bed, James carried it over to the fireplace and then he hauled one of the chairs over while Steve got the other one. Natalia ended up sitting in James’ lap with her feet propped against Steve’s chair.

He opened the first bottle and filled their glasses then slid out a small flask from his pants pocket.

“No…” Natalia said slowly.

“Yep,” Steve told her. “Apparently Tony had Friday send it over as a housewarming, we just didn’t get around to it the last few days.”

“What is it?” James asked as Steve knocked a couple of drops into his vodka, then one into hers.

“Asgardian mead,” Natalia told him. “Thor had a flask here and Steve actually got a little tipsy off of it.”

“Two swallows, hence the reason I’m only putting a few drops in. But—we have a hard time getting drunk, all of us. This will help.”

She glanced at James then lifted the vodka glass with its spare measure of Asgardian mead. She’d only ever had half a shot of it. That had been a delightful evening. Thor and she had talked for hours and she’d been beyond relaxed. Thor had been impressed. Natasha had enjoyed the release.

“Chtoby stoly lomalis' ot izobiliya, a krovati ot lyubvi.” Then she knocked back the full measure. Oh, the vodka was good. Ice cold and the spare amount of mead eased some of the tension cording her muscles.

“I’ll drink to it as soon as I know what it means,” Steve said, a teasing note in his voice.

James extended his glass to Steve and he tapped a couple of drops from the flask in it. “It means ‘let the tables break from abundance and the beds break from love’.”

“I can definitely drink to that,” Steve said before he tossed back the full glass. His grimace was fleeting and he let out a breath, as even his shoulders seemed to ease a bit.

Eyeing her a moment, James said, “Za tebya, Kotyonok.” He drank it.

“To you, Kitten,” she translated for Steve.

“Think I can call you, Kitten, Angel?”

James snorted and Natalia slanted a look at him. “If you want to—but I’d prefer not in mixed company.”

“Even if she complains about the nickname, she has always indulged me.” A line of his frown eased and she cupped his cheek. “My Natalia has ever had sharp claws and teeth.”

“I can see that.” Steve refilled their glasses then tapped out the mead in them. “We’ll go easy after this one.” He eyed her a moment. “You good?”

“I’m better,” she admitted. The knots in her spine were unlocking as the alcohol blanketed her system. It was a hell of a lot more effective than a whole bottle of vodka.

“Okay.” He lifted his glass. “To you both, my best friend and our girl. My life is better for having you in it.”

“Punk…you had to get sappy,” James grumbled, though his eyes flashed gratitude.

“Shut up and drink,” Steve retorted and they all tossed back their drinks at once. Head tilted, Natalia closed her eyes and let it all race into her system. Nothing about Asgardian mead was slow. It wrapped the person imbibing in this silky soft, thick blanket and muffled the discomforts and eased away all the constraints.

“Damn,” James exhaled.

“Right?” Steve said with a shake of his head. “I could never really enjoy alcohol before the serum.”

“That’s ‘cause you were a cheap date, Stevie.”

“And after? I couldn’t get drunk no matter how much I wanted to sometimes.”

“But this stuff?” James eyed his empty glass. “It's like three or four beers at O’Houlihans while we’ve been nipping the whiskey in between.” The relaxed drawl of Brooklyn unfolded in his voice and Natalia smiled.

“Something like that,” Steve said. “You at the billiards table or chatting up a dame and me keeping the corner seat warm while I worked on a new drawing.”

“You could do the billiards, Stevie. You took those Murphy boys for all their drinking money.”

“Steve took someone at pool, betting on his skill,” Natalia tilted her head. “Tell me more.”

“Don’t you start,” Steve told her, a sly smile curving his lips. “I know for a fact you play as well as I do.”

“You’ll notice no one ever bets on our games.”

“This is true.” Steve nodded to her glass. “More vodka.”

“Absolutely.” She thrust her glass toward him. “Vodka is always a yes.”

“Then let’s not keep you waiting.” He didn’t add any mead to this one and she was fine with that. The vodka went down cold and smooth. She’d had wine the last couple of nights, but while she enjoyed the taste of it, it didn’t do anything to her system.

“Okay,” James said. “I haven’t met your Thor yet, but I’m already liking the guy.”

Natalia laughed, it bubbled up easier, escaping the morass even as the mead anesthetized some of the more gaping maw swirling inside of her. “You will like Thor. Even if you don’t want to like him, it’s impossible to not think he’s adorable.”

“Okay,” Steve said. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

“Aww,” she complained. “You don’t think Thor’s adorable?”

With a snort, James said, “Doll, Stevie doesn’t think anyone is adorable.”

“Not true,” Steve countered. “I think Nat is extremely adorable.”

“Fine, he thinks one person is adorable.” James tossed back his vodka. “But now you have me curious. Why do you think this Thor is adorable?”

“He’s—a foot plus taller than me. He’s even taller than Steve.”

Steve snorted. “A couple of inches, Nat.”

“Still taller. He’s got massive shoulders and arms.” She mimed their size. “Massive.”

Amusement creased James’ face. “Uh huh.”

“Huge. And he has a hammer that he talks to.”

“He talks to his hammer,” James said slowly. “This makes him adorable?”

“It does when Steve nudged it and Thor thought no one could.” Natalia slanted a look at Steve. His eyes gleamed and his face flushed.

“You saw that?”

“Hmm-hmm and so did Thor. Nobody else noticed though.” She drained her vodka then thrust out her glass.

“What’s so special about the hammer the adorable Thor  _ talks _ to?” James waited for Steve to fill her glass before he offered his own.

“Mjolnir,” Natalia said. “Magical hammer. Supposedly he who can lift it will have the power of Thor and only the worthy can move it.”

“Except if you put it in an elevator, and the elevator goes up—it’s not worthy.”

“Elevator isn’t a person either, smartass.”

Steve flashed her a grin at the retort. “I know, but it’s still funny.”

Another laugh eddied out of her.

“Uh huh and Stevie moved it?” James glanced between them and Steve shrugged.

“It looked like it moved. It may not have. No one else could get it to move.”

Natalia told them about New Mexico and all the people who tried to move the hammer then. No such luck.

“What about you, Doll? You try it?” He traced a finger up and down her arm.

She snorted then tossed back the glass before reaching for the bottle. “Not a question I need answered. Besides, the boys were having way too much fun.”

It had been… a good evening.

Didn’t end a good evening but it started out as one.

“Thor’s a good guy,” Steve said. “Loud. Bombastic. Fierce.”

“Hot.”

Steve and James both looked at her and she shrugged.

“He’s basically a god. He’s hot. I can say it.”

“Hmm,” the dual sounds of vague disapproval came from both their throats and she chuckled. “Anyway,” Steve continued. “He’s been gone a while. Almost a year and a half now? He left not long after Sokovia. Something about some stones that kept showing up—like the one Vision has.”

“Oh, Vision is worthy.”

“Yeah,” Steve said drily. “He’s worthy.”

“He’s also not a person,” James mused. “More like an elevator.”

Natalia wasn’t the only one who stared at James and he gave them a bland look.

“What? Computer. Android. Synthetic parts. Elevator.”

“He’s got an active learning matrix and a brain and a personality,” Natalia countered.

“So do the elevators at the Tower. No offense, Friday.”

“None taken, Sergeant Barnes.”

They all went quiet for a beat then started laughing all over again. Leaning into James and curling her toes against Steve’s leg, she let go of all of it for a little while. This was a ridiculous conversation.

They needed more of these.

They killed all of the first bottle and nearly all of the second. Steve gave them each one more round of the mead but kept hers to barely a splash. Probably a good thing, she floated. The pain numbed and the company warmed.

“Wait,” James said. “He’s really the Norse god? They’re real?”

“Technically,” Steve told him, his voice slowing to something sedate and relaxed. “He’s an alien. But they visited Earth and they’re advanced so—people treated them like gods.”

“They also live for a really, really long time,” Natalia said. “We’re all infants compared to them.”

“Huh,” James swirled the vodka in his glass while continuing to lazily stroke his hand up and down her back. It was nice. “You ever go to his world?”

“Nope,” Steve answered. “We weren’t invited.”

“I’d go in a heartbeat,” Natalia confessed.

“Really?” They both looked surprised and she stared at them.

“A chance to see another world, a place more advanced than anything we can imagine…”

“Supposedly,” Steve interjected.

“Fine, allegedly. Still, Thor told me some stories about it and the rainbow bridge and a city of gold and a waterfall that spills into space. I could go for seeing something like that. Something magical and fantastic.”

“I bet they have really cool weapons,” James decided after a beat.

Natalia nodded. “Oh yeah.”

Steve groaned.

“We’re plotting, Doll,” James said as though explaining.

“I know,” she teased. “Don’t worry, Steve, any heist we pull off, we’ll totally take you with us.”

“I’m thrilled,” Steve deadpanned. “You can’t imagine how much.”

She giggled and curled up against James. “I’m glad.”

Sitting forward, Steve covered her ankle with his hand. “Tired, Angel?”

“Relaxed,” she said. Almost as relaxed as she had been the first time she had the mead. This was good. The floating sensation was there and all the harsh, jagged edges were blunted. “I still hurt, but it hurts a little less.”

“Good,” James said softly before he kissed her temple. “And you are definitely adorable, Kotyonok.”

“I love you,” she whispered and he kissed her lightly.

“I love you, too,” he said.

When she met Steve’s gaze she smiled and pointed at him with her toes. “I love you, too.”

“I know,” he said. “A little spider keeps telling me.”

That really wasn’t that funny, but he was so wonderfully smug and warm that she couldn’t help it.

“He’s getting cocky…” James warned.

Yes, and Natalia loved that, too. 


	15. Where You Lead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Bucky bond. Natalia reaches out to Shuri and to Stephen for some answers and advice before Bucky, Natalia and Peter begin their day together

**Chapter Fifteen**

_ Where You Lead _

**Peter**

The faint buzzing of his phone was the first thing to pierce his sleepy brain. With one hand out, he located the phone and clicked the button on the side, silencing the intrusive sound. Face planted back into the pillows, Peter slipped back toward dreamland when the phone vibrated in his hand.

Click.

He did not want to open his eyes.

_ Buzz _ .

Seriously? Click.

_ Buzz. _

Dragging his head up, he glared at the phone in his hand and squinted. There were no words on the screen. Why was it buzzing?

He squeezed the side button again and flopped down. Only the phone buzzed once more. Still nothing on the screen. “Friday? What’s wrong with the phone?”

“You are looking at the back of it, Mr. Parker.”

Oh.

He turned the phone over.

Messages from Liz.

Like a dozen of them.

Sitting up, Peter scrubbed a hand over his eyes and opened to the text messages.

**Liz:** It’s  _ still _ snowing. They’ve already canceled school Tuesday and Wednesday.

**Liz:** They are saying worst storm ever. But you know every storm is worst ever.

**Liz:** Dad is still out of town. Can’t get back in with the storm.

**Liz:** Mom said they are considering moving, but wanted to wait ‘til school was out.

**Liz:** Did you see there was a huge heist yesterday? It just came on the news.

**Liz:** Sorry, I’ve been up for hours. Can’t sleep.

**Liz:** Are you awake?

There were more messages.

**Flash:** Please tell me you’re as bored as I am.

**Flash:** Guessing not cause you’re not answering.

**Flash:** No school Tuesday and Wednesday. We’re not getting out until July at the rate of snow days we’re getting. Dude.

**Flash:** Why do you have a life and I don’t? Cosmic injustice.

**Flash:** Call of Duty later? We can even invite Ned.

And more…

**Ned:** No school! Woo hoo.

**Ned:** So…you still with the you-know-whos? Or stuck at home?

**Ned:** Flash called me. The world is turning upside down.

**Ned:** OMG, Flash kills it at Call of Duty. You gotta come play.

And still more…

**May:** I’m glad you’re with her. Don’t stress her out. She’s still recovering. Be good. Looks like we’re going to be digging out of this one. If they are fine with you staying, stay there.

How many people messaged him after he crashed? Dragging himself up, he tabbed to the last message.

**Wanda:** Training with Dr. Strange is almost as exhausting as training with Nat. I think I need to sleep for a week. Will text tomorrow when I’m up.

That message came in well after he went to sleep in response to his check-in with her. He’d planned to call her and babble, but she’d messaged him during dinner than she had training but she didn’t think it would take long. Hopefully, that went okay.

He answered everyone then glanced at the window. It was almost seven-thirty in the morning.

Only Liz answered him, so he flopped back and texted with her for a few minutes. But the longer he was awake, the more he thought back to the night before. It had been ridiculously nice to have Mom tuck him into bed. Embarrassingly so. He was also a little worried about having given her Grandpa Will’s journal. After reading that first line, he’d been stunned. Grandpa had known she was alive?

So had Peter’s mother known? That just seemed to add to the inescapable sadness of it all. When he’d told Wanda about the journal, she’d insisted he had to give it to Nat.

_ “Peter, I don’t have much from when I grew up. Pietro and I lost everything of our parents. Some days, I have trouble remembering more than bits and pieces about them.” _

_ “Yeah,” he’d admitted. “I feel that way about mine. Like I can see them so sharply sometimes and others…” _

_ “Exactly. Nat’s lost so much. She deserves to have back everything she can.” _

_ “Should I read it first?” _

_ “Do you want to?” _

_ “No, it feels really personal.” _

_ “Then give it to her. Trust her to decide what to do with it.” _

_ “There’s a wedding ring in the pouch, too.” _

_ “Give them to her,” Wanda advised. “Even if it hurts, she is the strongest person I know. She wouldn’t want you to hurt by keeping it from her.” _

_ He’d laughed a little. “You really are the best.” _

_ “No, I just… let’s just say I understand Nat in a way. I think I’m starting to understand you.” _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “Yep. You’d hate keeping this from her, Peter.” _

_ He would. _

__

He definitely would.

“Friday is anyone up?”

“Sergeant Barnes is in the kitchen setting up breakfast and coffee. Captain Rogers is taking a call with the Compound in his studio. Your mom is still asleep. Boss just got in the shower.”

_ Your mom _ … He grinned.

“Cool. Guess I’ll get up then.” He glanced at the suitcases with the photo albums and boxes of photos and other personal items he’d gathered out of storage. Aunt May and Uncle Ben had labeled everything when they boxed it. They’d put all the personal items, mementos and journals together. He rarely had reason to go into the stored treasures, but it was time and he wanted to share them with Bucky and Mom.

He’d showered the night before, so he just shoved back the blankets and padded out of the room. After accidentally getting Bucky and Steve in trouble with Mom, he really wanted to apologize. The scents of coffee, bacon, sausage, and—biscuits? Or bread, maybe—greeted him as he reached the kitchen.

“Morning, Bucky,” he said. “Can I help?”

“If you want,” Bucky said, glancing at him. The older man’s hair was pulled back from his face and there was a hint of shadows under his eyes. “Set the table, then grab the eggs out of the fridge?”

“Can do.”

Peter had already tracked where most of the stuff went in the kitchen. “I feel like I should apologize.”

“For what?” Bucky was flipping patty sausages on the griddle and adjusting the heat under the bacon.

“I got you and Steve in trouble, I shouldn’t have blurted all that out.”

“No worries, Pal. We should have told Natalia. That’s on us. It’s done, she knows.” The easy tone surprised him.

After he got the plates and silverware set, he said, “But I made her mad.”

“You didn’t make her mad, Pal. That was us and…” Bucky sighed, then glanced at him. “Peter, she’s a little raw right now. You just have to give her a beat and she’ll be all right. That doesn’t mean lie to her or hide things. Be you. If we have to face the fallout, we face it.”

Opening the fridge, he took out the eggs. “Wanda said that…to just tell her and let her decide.”

“It’s a good rule of thumb.” He nodded. “Same with the explosives, which we’ll dial back.”

Peter bit back a laugh at the droll note. “No arguments.” He set the eggs down. “What am I doing with these?”

“Whip all of them up. We’re making omelets.”

“It’s cool that everyone knows how to cook,” he admitted. One egg after another he cracked into the big bowl until he had all eighteen in.

“Add some water,” Bucky reminded him as he moved the sausage onto a warmer.

“Got it.” He whisked with fervor, then after a quick glance toward the stairs, he asked, “Bucky?”

The older man glanced at him.

“I wanted to do the photos today, but I gave her my…” He hesitated. “I gave her Grandpa Will’s journal last night. Are you two going to be all right with it?”

“We’ll be fine,” Bucky assured him. He began transferring the bacon to a rack so the drippings would collect on a plate below. “You did good with the journal, Pal.”

Relief soaked through him. “Really?”

“Yes, really. You got those eggs whisked?”

“Yep. What next?”

“Get out the veggies and the spinach. We’ll set aside cheese, mushrooms and spinach for Natalia, that’s her preference, then we do cheese and ham for Tony, Steve likes a combo. What about you?”

“I’m fine with whatever,” Peter said. “Ham and cheese or the mushrooms and spinach, that’s not so bad.”

The corner of Bucky’s mouth kicked up. “Pal, that’s great you don’t want to make a fuss, but I’m asking what you prefer.”

“Oh.” He considered it. “I like everything actually.”

“Everything it is. We’re probably going to need more veggies, I can grill some onions to throw in if you like.”

“I can do it.” It was weird, he really wanted Bucky to like him. They’d gotten along all right before, but he kept searching for some piece of himself in Bucky. But he wasn’t so easy to get a bead on, except at the same time—when he talked, Peter listened. He was patient, while he wasn’t fast with the quips like Tony or as easy with the smiles as Steve or as warm as Mom, he never seemed put out by Peter’s questions or in a rush. Whether they were training or going over weapons or pulling apart his training modules, Bucky took his time to go through each layer and if they had to repeat it, he never got irritated.

“Were you always patient?” He got the onion out and then looked around for some goggles.

“What do you need?” Bucky asked him.

“Goggles do you have any up here?”

The older man squinted at him. “Why do you need goggles?”

“When you cut an onion it releases lachrymatory-factor synthase into the air, that enzyme converts the amino acid sulfoxides of the onions into sulfenic acid. The unstable acid then rearranges itself into syn-ropanethial-S-oxide and when that gets into the air and comes into contact with our eyes, the lachrymal glands become irritated and produce tears.”

Bucky stared at him a beat. Then set aside one of the pans and turned off the heat. “One sec.”

Frowning, Peter waited and then glanced at the stuff Bucky already had out. Chopped mushrooms, spinach, shredded cheese, cubed ham, diced peppers and tomatoes. He said they needed more vegetables, so Peter pulled out more mushrooms, peppers and tomatoes.

He had the mushrooms done when Bucky got back and he dropped a pair of goggles on the counter wordlessly.

Darting his gaze from the goggles to Bucky, Peter gaped.

The other man chuckled. “Had to get them from the workshop. I’ll keep a pair up here from now on.”

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

He finished the tomatoes, then the peppers before he pulled the goggles on and did the onions. “I’m going to guess you were always this patient.”

“I had three younger sisters and Stevie to look after when I was younger. I promise you, I wasn’t always patient.” 

Peter wanted to laugh, but he didn’t. Three younger sisters. Wow, he and Mom really had lost so much.

Bucky didn’t go back to cooking. Instead, he’d poured coffee and watched Peter chopping.

“Am I doing it wrong?”

“Cutting the vegetables?” Bucky asked.

Stealing a look at him, Peter nodded.

“Nope. You seem to know what you’re doing.”

“You’re staring.” He didn’t mean to blurt it out and his neck went hot.

Bucky sighed. “Because I’m making you nervous, I’m sitting still, Pal. Not staring. Just looking in that general direction.” He nodded toward the kitchen opening that anyone coming downstairs would likely use.

“Oh.” Embarrassment flooded him. “I really suck at this.”

“At what?”

Looking down and focusing on the onions, he concentrated on calming his breathing. Too much stimuli was what Mom called it. He could hear Bucky’s breathing, almost. It was soft, barely audible but there. Calmer and far more even than Peter’s own. So, he used that as a barometer.

“We—we were okay yesterday working in the lab, right?”

Bucky seemed to study him a beat. “Peter, I’m still a relative stranger. You know me because of Natalia. You’ve been around me because of her, but we haven’t talked as much. It’s all right to feel like you don’t know me that well.”

Straightening, Peter met his gaze. “Do  _ you _ feel like I’m a stranger?”

“Yes and no,” Bucky admitted. “You’re a kid.” Peter bristled at the description. “A good kid. You mean the world to Natalia and you did before we knew about Mary.” For some reason that deflated him further. “I like you, Kid. You’re family. But just being related doesn’t mean we know each other.”

“I want to get to know you.”

“I know,” Bucky said, the corners of his lips tipping upward. “Doesn’t happen overnight and we’re not in a rush. Natalia said you wanted to spend the day with us, and we’ll go as fast or slow as the two of you need.”

Wait. Peter set the knife down. He’d finished dicing the onions. Backing up, he stripped off the goggles. “What about what you need?”

“My needs are pretty simple, Pal.”

Frowning, Peter studied him. “You don’t make me nervous.” Not a lie. “But I also don’t know what to say.”

“You didn’t have any trouble talking to me before.” That was true. In fact, when he’d shown up and found Dr. Strange at the Tower that day, Bucky had settled him down on their floor and they’d had a good talk. “The only thing that’s different now is your expectations.”

“You don’t have any?”

Bucky shrugged. “I spent a lot of years tempering them. I have a family again. That’s something. I have Natalia again. That’s everything.”

“But you don’t know where I fit into that?”

“Pauk pank, you fit in just fine. Don’t stress about whether I like you or not. I do. Don’t worry about impressing me. You don’t have to. Don’t worry about whether I have a problem that you are closer to Tony right now.”

Guilt swamped him. He blew out a shaky breath. Not that long ago, he’d admitted Tony reminded him of a cross between his dad and Uncle Ben. He was and he wasn’t, but he was important and Bucky was Peter’s grandfather even if the whole concept was weird. “That doesn’t mean I…”

“Hey.” Bucky relaxed and straightened. “You don’t have to defend it to me. You want to get to know me. I’m okay with that. I want to get to know you. We’re on the same side where Natalia is concerned.”

They were. Then he thought about what he’d said about Tony being his stepdad. It felt disloyal to Bucky and at the same time, regretting it seemed disloyal to Tony. “We are… were you close with your dad?”

“He was alright. He had some issues after the war. Expectations were different then. When he could work, he worked. I got a job pretty young to help out, doing whatever I could. Three little sisters meant a lot of that was on me. Probably closer to my mom and to Steve’s mom though.”

Peter nodded slowly. “I was…Grandpa Will was pretty awesome. When I think grandpa, I think him.”

“Understandable. Not asking to replace him.”

Even if Grandpa Will replaced Bucky. Peter sighed. “This is really complicated.”

“Yep. That’s why we don’t have to figure anything out other than we want to figure things out. We’re family. So why don’t we start with friends?” When Bucky held out his hand, Peter clasped it.

“But we  _ are _ family,” he stressed the keyword. “I want to know you. I want… I want to know you better.”

“Fair enough.” Then Bucky patted him on the shoulder. “Think you can relax now?”

The back of Peter’s neck heated. “Sorry, I really didn’t mean to make it awkward.”

“It’s not so bad,” Bucky assured him. While on some level, the guy might be placating him, he didn’t sound like it. “But I figure Natalia and the others have to be hungry and I asked them for a minute.”

Peter widened his eyes.

“Just said I wanted to talk to you, Kid. Don’t start panicking on me again.” The dry note punctured the distressed bubble and Peter laughed. “Better.” Buck nodded. “Take it one day at a time. Don’t worry if it doesn’t all happen at once. The best things take time and patience…and sometimes a good knock upside the head.”

“Maybe…” But the thought chasing itself around inside of him snapped to get out. “I think I feel guilty because I keep finding myself wishing Mom hadn’t gone back. That she’d stayed and then I can’t imagine how she could have done that and left you there. I don’t like thinking that.”

“You think that because you hate what she went through when she went back and that you lost out on knowing her for so many years and so did Mary.” The fact he could say it with such ease robbed some of the guilt punching him. “I wish she hadn’t come back for me either.” 

Peter blinked.

“I wish she’d had that life with Mary.” Bucky sighed. “Then again, if she hadn’t come back, maybe I’m not here. Maybe Steve’s not alive. Maybe you weren’t born.”

Because maybe Mom would have done something that meant his parents didn’t meet.

“Maybe Tony’s not here.”

Peter frowned.

“I wanted her free,” Bucky told him. “I wanted her happy. So don’t feel guilty for wanting the same things. It’s what we wanted for Mary and what we want for you.” 

The staked claim in those words dissipated more of the guilt. “She wanted it for you.”

“I know.” He smiled. “I’m a lucky man.”

“I think I’m the lucky one. It’s been just me and May for a long time and now I get all of you.” He exhaled a breath. “I didn’t realize how much that was bothering me…I don’t want to resent you. I don’t and at the same time…”

“It’s complicated.” Bucky nodded. “Want to be let in on a secret?”

“I thought you never cracked.”

“I don’t,” the older man said as he reached for the bowl of whisked eggs and switched the heat back on the stove. “I’m giving you some advice I think you need to hear.”

“Okay.”

“The best things in life, Pal, they’re complicated. It means they take effort. They’re worth it.”

“That’s cool, I like that.”

“Good. Now, we’re going to feed everybody, you ready for the invasion?”

Peter laughed. “I’m good. Thanks, Bucky.”

“Anytime. Friday?”

“I’ll let them know, Sergeant Barnes.”

“Want me to help with the omelets?”

“Think you’re up for it?”

“Yeah. Will you teach me?”

Bucky jerked his head toward the stove. “Get over here.”

It wasn’t long before Mom drifted into the kitchen, followed quickly by Tony and Steve. They really had been waiting to come down. Liho showed up and Cloaky floated through.

Apprehension shivered over his spine and Peter glanced at the cloak. It paused as though glancing at him, then drifted over toward the waterfall.

“Careful, pauk pank,” Bucky said, nudging his attention back to the stove. He managed to fold the omelet perfectly and as Steve began transferring the bacon and sausage onto platters to carry over to the tables. There were cinnamon rolls that he hadn’t noticed and a pan of fried potatoes waiting in the oven.

Bucky had done a lot of the work before Peter even got down there. But he never hurried him along, just gave him some advice. Twice, Peter glanced over to find Mom watching them with a pensive expression though her lips curved each time she caught his gaze.

Then he realized she was wearing the spider necklace and a ridiculous feeling of warmth went through him. Normally, she only seemed to wear Steve’s dog tags, but the spiders were right there and he finished the last of the omelets with a grin on his face.

The best things were complicated. But the simple things? They were pretty cool, too. 

**Natalia/Natasha**

Sleep had taken a while the night before. The drinking had helped to numb some of the pain, but it had all been there when she woke up. Both Steve and James were gone, it was just her alone in the shadowy room. Friday told her where they were, but she wasn’t feeling abandoned—just raw.

Stretching over to pick up her phone, she stared at the screen. She wanted to call Clint. But not yet. She needed to decide how she felt about all this. There were parts of her past she’d been certain about and SHIELD had been a place where she thought she was finally going straight.

Turned out, it was almost as twisted a rabbit hole as the rest of her past. Dragging herself upright in the bed, she scrubbed her hands over her face. Her eyes were a little tender. The crying had to stop. The only discipline that would get her back there required compartmentalizing the compromising emotions. Nothing stayed where she put it at the moment.

“Good morning, Friday.” Her voice was a little hoarse. They’d talked last night. The chairs were still close to the fireplace. The glasses and the bottles were gone though. At least they’d had laughter to chase away some of the tears.

“Good morning, Nat. Sergeant Barnes has asked for a delay in joining them downstairs. He and Peter are talking.”

“Okay.” She cleared her throat. “Are they all right?”

“I believe so.” That was good. Friday continued, “Captain Rogers is on a call in his studio. Boss is just getting out of the shower.”

“Okay, give me privacy mode please and secure the door. Let me know if someone is looking for me though.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

Natalia looked at the cell phone in her hand. Instead of calling Clint though, she called Shuri.

“Hey,” the young woman said as she answered. “You’re good, yeah? You didn’t screw up all my hard work?”

Chuckling, Natalia adjusted the pillow behind her and glanced outside. The snow was still falling—well blowing sideways. “Not yet,” she promised. “Your hard work is why I’m calling though.”

“Oh, do I get to tell you how amazing I am?”

“I hope so.”

“See, I like you more and more. What’s up?” The playfulness in her voice in no way decried the sharp intelligence the young woman possessed.

“You did a series of scans right before I left.”

“Yep,” Shuri answered easily. “Full body, bone density, MRI, and CT. To name a few. You were in good health, everything seems to be on track and where we want it. Skull fractures are showing good knitting, they are almost completely sealed if not for the vibranium lacing those areas, they would be almost indistinguishable.”

Vibranium.

Nanites.

Cryo.

Bio-engineering.

“Brain tissue appears healthy. In fact, I’m very impressed with us, the scarring there was significant, but it’s all healthy tissue now. Regeneration of neural tissue is not something we’ve mastered yet.”

Natalia didn’t doubt for an instant that the  _ yet _ foreshadowed great things for their plans in the future.

“Essentially, I’m very happy with the significant improvement. So what are your questions?”

“The full-body scans. I was sterilized several years ago and the procedures were repeated.” Those she remembered now, too. Not that she brought them up to the guys. It had happened once—at SHIELD. They’d been testing a theory. It had also likely been when they harvested eggs and other tissue. Otherwise, her injuries as Dr. Cho surmised were likely the cause of the continued scarring and lack of healing. Maybe between that and the persistent brain damage they inflicted, that was the more critical area for her body to concentrate on.

“Ahh. Yes, that did come up during our initial scans. You want to know how much has healed?”

Unease slid through her and her stomach clenched. Fear of the unknown did not make it go away nor did it make it safer. Ignoring it could only lead to more issues. “Probably a good idea.”

“Well, we weren’t specifically looking for it. But I’m checking now.” She hummed a little noncommittal sound. “Not my area of expertise, but Dr. Cho does have notes here. There is significant improvement to scarring around the fallopian tubes, but she has some questions about the uterine lining and there does appear to be scar tissue still in place.”

Uncertain of how she felt about that, Natalia nodded. “Any idea of how much improvement?”

“No, but if I were to guess looking at the earlier scans, I’d say at least thirty percent.” Another hum of sound. “This really isn’t my area of expertise, but I could have some of our experts looking at this if you’d like.”

“I can wait for Helen,” Natalia said slowly. “Enough people have been looking at me that I’d rather keep that circle small.”

“I understand,” Shuri told her. “You’re concerned about pregnancy, yes?”

A fist in her gut tightened. “Yes.”

“I don’t think it would be viable at this stage,” she said slowly, almost apologetically. “Not saying impossible. Largely because you are remarkable. While I can’t rule it out entirely, I feel like the chances are minimal.”

“But still there.”

“Again, I cannot categorize anything about you as impossible. You possess many unique characteristics, not the least of which is your genetic structure.”

Licking her lips, Natalia nodded. “That’s the serum.”

“Yes and no.”

“No?”

“Give me a moment, Natasha.”

Natalia waited.

“There, I wanted to be sure we had absolute privacy. My brother and I gave you our word and while I trust my research assistants with many things, we have elected to keep the specifics confidential.”

“I appreciate that.”

“While you were here, we did a series of studies largely to make sure we had everything keyed to your specific biology. I assure you, none of that research will be used for anything else. T’Challa has locked it.”

Natalia believed her.

“Your genetic structure is unique—which is akin to saying everyone is unique, I understand this—but yours is different still.”

“Cho said it was adaptable.”

“It is, now I can’t say whether this was true before the serum, but what is introduced to your DNA allows for subtle variations and repurposing. Several attempts were made to combine your blood with Sergeant Barnes and Captain Rogers, both together and independently.”

She knew this.

“They were largely unsuccessful, though we know that their serums can boost yours through the exchange of pure genetic data.”

Sex.

“Dr. Cho theorized these  _ boosts _ to your system would improve your healing which is already significant because cellular decay and shedding are already greatly diminished in your system. In this sense, even with no intervention, the scarring should reverse…”

“Provided I don’t get significantly injured.”

“Well, yes, I could see that.”

“And the vibranium you gave me?” She’d have to ask Tony about the nanites.

“The vibranium worked as a stabilizing agent, greatly reducing the swelling and directly addressing the compromised areas of bone damage. While there was still some active in your system it was less than three percent when you left here, I would surmise it will be less than one percent within the next two weeks and you’ll shed it completely.”

“Okay.”

“We could do treatments to stimulate healing to your uterus and fallopian tubes. The ovaries are both in healthy shape.”

“That’s good to know.” Even if she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do with the information.

“May I recommend regular checks for a while so we can track the healing rate? This would also give you some warning prior to…discovering the old-fashioned way as they say.”

As in discovering she was pregnant. “I’ll think about it and I really do appreciate everything you did.”

“Happy to help, Natasha. Don’t be a stranger and bring Sergeant Barnes when you visit. I love to see how my work is doing, it makes me happy.”

Natalia chuckled. “No promises, but I think he’s pretty fond of you, too.”

“That’s because I’m fabulous. Take care.”

Then they were off the line and she turned the phone over in her hands. There was a niggle of disappointment vying with a kernel of relief. Exhaling, she stared down at the phone then sent a text message.

_ You indicated you wouldn’t mind if I visited or if I talked to you. I can’t this weekend. Peter is here. But sometime next week, if I asked, would you send a portal? _

She didn’t have to wait long.

**Stephen:** Just say when as long as I am not attending to an urgent matter, I will send it immediately. Are you all right?

**Natasha:** Undecided.

**Stephen:** Is the cloak still with you?

Natalia glanced over to the corner where the cloak waited patiently.

**Natasha:** Yes.

**Stephen:** Keep him close.

**Natasha:** Something you want to tell me about him?

**Stephen:** He may notice something wrong before you do. So keep him close.

**Natasha:** We’re good. He plays chess very well.

There was silence on the messages for a minute then…

**Stephen:** Did you win?

**Natasha:** Yes.

**Stephen:** Excellent. I’ll have a board ready for your visit.

She chuckled.

**Natasha:** Thank you.

**Stephen:** Take care of yourself. Rest. Try to avoid emotional and physical distress.

Yeah.

Sure.

**Natasha:** I’ll do my best.

That done, she sent Clint a poop emoji.

He sent her back a middle finger and she grinned.

She always did like to give him shit.

“Nat, Captain Rogers is on his way down to the room.”

“Unlock it,” Natalia said, shoving off the bed and then pulling the disheveled covers up and straightening them. The door slid open and she summoned a smile. “Morning.”

“Hey, Angel. You don’t have to do that.” Steve closed the door and stretched out an arm. She walked right into them for a hug. Eyes closed, she leaned against his chest and sighed. “How are you doing?”

“Tired,” she admitted. “But I’m alright. I talked to Shuri.”

He stilled for a beat. “Everything all right?”

Tipping her head back, she said, “Still scarred. She said she couldn’t rule out pregnancy entirely but that it wouldn’t likely be viable at this stage. I still have healing to do.”

“Okay.” He met her gaze steadily.

“James said you were worried.”

“Always worried about you, Angel.” He trailed a finger down her cheek. “I want it to be your choice. Do we need to take precautions?”

Always so careful with her. “I don’t think so—yet. But I need to talk to Helen. Shuri also thought that they might be able to speed the process along if I wanted to consider that.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You’re not ready for that.”

“No,” she admitted and then frowned. “I know James is…I know he wants it but…”

“No buts,” Steve said. “We make the decisions together, if even one of us isn’t on board, we don’t push.”

Spreading her hands out against his chest, she picked at an imaginary thread. “Some days it feels like it’s all racing forward and other days… I’m still forty years ago and I can’t see how this changes. I wasn’t sure when he wanted a second one before. I kept thinking about it though…I loved Mary. I wasn’t always a fan of being pregnant.” She made a face and then let out a little laugh. “And oh, that feels weird to say.”

“And a little good?” He tilted his head, the gentle understanding in his expression warming her. “You remember those pieces you lost.”

Easing away from him, she stretched to try and dispel the shivery feeling racing over her skin. “It’s hard to explain. When I first found out…how I found out...” She could see Morozov’s face. The absolute delight in his eyes. The thrill in his voice.

“Nat, you don’t have to.”

“No, I can do this. It’s hard to explain all of it. By the time it happened, I would be sent to medical and I would just go and do whatever they asked. They didn’t have to strap me down or put a gun on me. They hadn’t in years really. Even in the Red Room, I would lie there and let them inject me with whatever. It was just what happened. I got no say over it.”

His jaw tightened.

“This wasn’t any different. I’d gotten tired of all the tests, but they demanded it and so off I went. The doctor always got off on it, too.” She made a face. “Disgusting little toad.”

But she couldn’t linger on that part, not when the vein in Steve’s forehead seemed to throb.

“Anyway, he was excited. Thrilled. So full of possibilities for what they would do with her. I snapped his neck and I didn’t slow down. I didn’t even think about it. I just killed him.”

“Good.” The firmness in that thought made her smile.

“I destroyed the evidence, the bloodwork, all the samples, and his files, then I disposed of him. I had two goals. Get James. Get out of there. The first few months, it was about getting away, getting secure, keeping them safe. But there was always this—apprehension. This awareness that sooner or later they would come. Pregnancy makes you huge, it offsets where your center of gravity is, you move slower, you’re more cautious…but then she’d kick or move and it was real. They told me when they sterilized me it was important because getting pregnant would just distract from the mission. It was efficient. Not to mention…well, that’s not important.”

“Not to mention they used you for seduction so it increased the likelihood you would have if they hadn’t.” His tone was so flat, she closed the distance. “No,” he said gently, cupping her face. “I can deal with it, Angel. I understand. I hate it. But you can tell me anything, I told you that.”

“I love that about you, but it hurts you, too.”

“Doesn’t hurt me, Angel,” he promised. “It only makes me wish I could have been there and reminds me why I’m never letting anyone hurt you or use you like that again.”

“I know you have my back.”

“Good.” A kiss to her forehead. “It was hard on you after they told you that for years and then you were…”

“It was  _ different.  _ I finally understood why it would have mattered more than a mission. I didn’t hesitate, Steve. Not once, in all of that, did I hesitate about getting her away and I didn’t even know her yet.”

“You got Buck away, too.”

“I couldn’t leave him.” Not even if they hadn’t marked him for termination. “After she was born, it was all worth it. Every difficult moment in my life was just—it was fine. It was like the hard climb to get to that pinnacle, hands scraped and raw, knees bloody, and the air almost too thin to breathe, but the view… the accomplishment. It was everything.”

He traced his thumb gently against her cheek. “Then you had to give it all up.”

She nodded. “Not sure I’m up for that climb again. Not yet.”

“Then that’s all you need to say. We stay aware, so we can take precautions if necessary. When you’re ready…”

“Are you ready?”

At the question, he paused. “Honestly?”

“Aren’t you always honest?” The tease was the right thing to say and he grinned.

“Usually, yes.”

“Then honesty would be good.”

“I don’t know if there is a way to get ready. I know the thought of seeing you with a baby? If that was what you wanted? That’s intoxicating. The idea of being a dad? That’s a little more terrifying.”

Tilting her head, she studied him. “You’d be an amazing father.”

“Thank you for saying that. I don’t have a lot of role models to work from there. It was always me and my mom. Kind of why I know you’d be an amazing one, yourself.”

“You loved her very much.”

“I did,” he said. “She loved my dad. But having a father around day to day isn’t something I know. I can see Buck doing it. He always did everything he could for his little sisters and I knew his dad. They were—alike in some ways and not in others. Solid guy, just not… really warm I guess would be the word. Things had to be just so and it was just the way it was.”

“Well, I had zero experience being a mom, believe me when I tell you—the on the job training? It’s pretty intense.”

Steve chuckled. “I believe you. That said, I like the idea of having kids with you. When you’re ready. When you’re whole and healthy. When we can take a step back.”

“That’s why you want to flush out the roster on the team.”

“That’s part of it,” he admitted. “Someone asked me once, who was I if I didn’t have a war to fight or a battle to wage?”

“You’re Steve Rogers,” she said without an ounce of hesitation. “You’re a gifted artist and a sweet soul who sees the good in people. You fight Steve, but you aren’t about war.”

The tension seemed to drain out of him and his whole expression softened.

“Idiot,” she said softly. “You really believed that you weren’t anything other than made for war?”

“I kind of was made for war, Angel,” he told her with just the faintest twist to his lips.

“No,” she reminded him. Spreading her hands against his chest again, she said, “Erskine chose you because you’re a good man, not because you’re a man made for war. The war department might have funded the project, but Erskine gave it to you. You enjoy a good fight, but you don’t crave it. You will never turn down the fight, but you’re not usually the guy who starts it.”

“Usually,” he murmured. The corner of his mouth quirked up. “That means I do start it sometimes.”

“Hey, I’m going for honesty here.” At the remark, his smile grew. “That’s the thing, you didn’t go to war just to fight. You went to war to save people. There’s a difference.”

“Thank you,” he said, then pressed a kiss to her lips lightly. “Thank you for believing in me.”

“That’s not all that hard and thank you for listening to me.”

“Always,” he promised, wrapping her up in a hug and resting his chin against her hair. Eyes closed, she held onto him and then sighed. “We give it time, we play it by ear, and practice with the teenager downstairs who already adores you.”

She chuckled. “Practice parenting.”

“Sure,” he said. “Why not?”

Natalia chuckled. “How are they doing, Friday?”

“I believe they are doing well, Nat. Boss is getting antsy for coffee, though.”

“We can go grab some in my studio,” Steve suggested.

“Yeah, let me get dressed.”

By the time she was dressed, though, Friday said they were being called to breakfast. Steve helped her put on Peter’s necklace, then he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against his chest. “One thing I want you to remember, okay?”

“I’m listening.”

“Buck and I both promised you nothing would ever happen to another child of yours. I plan on keeping that promise. No matter what we decide or when it happens, we’re going to have your back every step of the way.”

She smiled. “I’m told I get cranky.”

“I can live with it.”

“And demanding.”

“No problem.”

“Reckless.”

“Are you telling me about you now or when you’re pregnant, because I’m not hearing a lot of differences…” He burst out laughing when she elbowed him, but she grinned as she faced him. Still smiling, he winked. “Just remember.”

“Partners.”

He nodded. “In every way.”

That helped, more than she imagined it would have. Downstairs, Natalia found the kitchen full of warmth, the scents of rich food and coffee, laughter, and a distinct lack of stress between Peter and James. Whatever they’d needed to discuss seemed to have relaxed them both.

After the night before and the journal, she was glad. Will had been a good father and a good grandfather. She was glad Mary and Peter had him when they couldn’t have James. But she wanted Peter to appreciate James and for James to enjoy Peter, too.

When Peter caught her eye, she smiled. The grief came in waves, but so did the joy. 

**Bucky**

Peter relaxed further during breakfast. Natalia caught Bucky’s gaze briefly, eyebrows lifted. He gave her a small smile. It was fine. She nodded, trusting his response and that left warmth a steady burn in his chest. The night before had been difficult and at the same time, relieving. As much as he initially resented the presence of Will in her life, in Mary’s—he couldn’t resent  _ him _ . It was a difficult position to find his footing, but the journal answered more questions than Bucky realized he’d possessed.

The man had loved Natalia, truly loved her. Loved her enough to protect her even after he discovered her alive and that their life together might have been built on lies. He hadn’t turned on her. While Bucky could regret that he hadn’t reunited mother and daughter, he also couldn’t fault his reasoning. In that position, he had to protect Mary first and foremost.

They were the acts of a responsible and caring father, but his love for Natalia was genuine enough that it humbled Bucky. If the man were still alive, Bucky would have liked to shake his hand.

After food, Tony said he was heading down to the shop and Steve told them he was going to work in the studio. They both pressed kisses to Natalia’s head and clapped him on the shoulder before they stepped out, but Steve shot him one questioning look. Was he all right?

Bucky nodded.

“I feel kind of guilty,” Peter admitted. He’d said that earlier, so Bucky focused on him.

“For what?” Natalia asked as she rose with her mug and took Bucky’s empty with her.

“I didn’t mean to chase Steve and Tony off.”

“You said you wanted time with us, malen’kiy pauk. They understand.”

They did, neither man had complained. “Pal, we made some rules for this place—what we need. We ask for and if it’s time with someone or just to be alone for a bit. We do it.”

“Just like that?” Peter seemed surprised.

“No one minds, Petya,” Natalia told him as she returned with the coffee mugs, she set Bucky’s down in front of him while holding her own. “We know you’re still getting used to us.”

“It’s not that, Mom,” Peter said, his expression earnest. “I promise. Some of it’s weird, but not all of it.” He caught Bucky’s eye. “Definitely not all of it.”

The silence dragged for a full minute as Peter fidgeted. Bucky gave it a minute, Natalia would settle him again. “We don’t have to do anything but watch movies or just go work on your project with James if you want. There are no expectations.”

Squirming, Peter said, “I really want to show you the pictures and I keep second-guessing it. Kind of like giving you Grandpa Will’s journal.”

“I’m very grateful you gave me his journal,” she told him. “And the ring. It means more than I can tell you.”

“He knew you were alive.”

“Yes, years after, but yes.”

“And he didn’t tell you?”

“He had his reasons, Petya. If you believe nothing else, know he did what he believed was right and he loved you and your mother very much.”

Relief crept through the kid again. This was a lot to put on him.

“Pal,” Bucky said. “I meant what I said earlier. We take this one day at a time. Nothing you say to us is going to be wrong. You feel how you feel. It’s a process.”

Natalia rubbed a hand against Bucky’s shoulder and he wrapped an arm around her so she could lean into him. “It’s confusing and complicated, but we care,” Natalia continued. “It’s difficult because we loved Mary. Because you loved her, too. We all lost her.”

Peter nodded. “But I got you guys.”

“We got you,” Bucky said. “If you’re not up for doing the pictures, that’s okay.”

“Are you up for it?” Peter glanced from him to Natalia and then back. Natalia let out a soft sigh, but she didn’t decline. She wouldn’t. Even if it gutted her, she’d do it because it was Peter and it was Mary.

“I want to see them,” Bucky admitted. “Maybe want isn’t the right word, but need is probably a better one. We need to know she had a good life. That she was happy.” They’d done it all for her. Bucky needed Natalia to know it had been worth it and he needed to know it, too.

“I can’t promise I won’t cry,” Natalia admitted. “I seem to have lost control over that.” The wry twist to humor widened Peter’s smile.

“We won’t tell anyone,” he said, crossing his heart. Natalia reached over and ruffled his hair. “Okay,” Peter blew out a breath. “Then I’m really glad I brought the VCR, too.” Standing, he said, “Because there are home movies and I thought those might be better than pictures.”

Pole axed didn’t begin to describe the feeling hitting Bucky. Movies. Videos. They would be able to see her and to hear her. He glanced up at Natalia when her fingers dug into his shoulder. But her expression didn’t shift. Despite her statement earlier, she held onto her composure.

Steeling himself, he held steady as she braced her hand on him. If she needed to hold onto him to keep it going, he wouldn’t move.

“Do you want to do it down here or somewhere else?”

“Here is fine,” Natalia said softly. “Do you need help getting the stuff?”

“Nah, I got it.” Another swift grin. “I’ll be right back.”

Her expression collapsed as soon as Peter was out of sight.

Rising, Bucky wrapped an arm around her. “You don’t have to do this, Natalia,” he warned, keeping his voice low.

“I do,” she said, tipping her head and there were tears shimmering in her eyes that she blinked back. “But home movies…we’re going to hear her.”

He pressed his lips to her temple. Yes. They were. “We stop when it gets to be too much. Yes?”

“I will if you will,” she challenged and he sighed.

“Lyubov moya, you are so stubborn.”

“Da,” she agreed. “So are you.”

Chuckling, he nuzzled another kiss as he caught the sound of Peter’s door. “He’s coming and yes, I will say something if it gets to be too much.”

When Peter made it to them, he and Natalia had already shifted into the living room. Most of the dishes were done so they just brought their coffee cups, though she’d grabbed Peter’s water as well.

Peter had both bags and Bucky set his mug aside to take one. “I kind of brought everything,” the kid admitted. “We had a lot of photo albums. Though saving hard copy pictures kind of dwindled at some point. I think after Aunt May got a digital camera. But there’s tons here. It’s been a long time since I went through them.”

Together, Bucky and Peter got the bags set down. Natalia sank onto the sofa, giving herself distance. Unsurprisingly the cloak drifted close and Liho landed in her lap a moment later. Peter pulled out the VCR and then eyed the room. “Friday?”

“Yes, Mr. Parker?”

“You have any suggestions on where I can hook this up?”

“Standby, Mr. Parker, Boss is going to bring up a splitter that we can use to send it to Bluetooth. Would you like me to digitize the films for you as you play them?”

Peter hesitated and glanced at Natalia.

“I would,” Bucky said quietly locking gazes with her. She might not want them immediately, but she would want them eventually.

“Yes,” Natalia said softly. “We would.”

“Then that makes all three of us, thank you, Friday.”

Tony strode into the room, a device with two cables in hand. “I brought up some standard cables and an adapter. What kind of VCR are we talking?”

The photo albums were right there, but Bucky focused on what Tony did to set up the VCR for play. Natalia had begun to stroke Liho’s back, her expression cool and collected.

Once he had it set up, Tony glanced at them. “All good?”

“Thanks, Tony,” Bucky said.

“No problem. Going to fix that air velocity issue before you two get back to the lab.” Despite the faint hints of worry around his eyes, he smirked. “I like a challenge.”

Peter chuckled and it even pulled a faint smile from Natalia. Then he ducked out, leaving them alone again.

Withdrawing the cassette cases, Bucky lined them up.

God help him, there were a dozen or more.

They were dated.

One for the year Natalia left. Maybe just months.

“Have you watched these before?” Natalia asked.

“No,” Peter admitted. “I haven’t. I guess they were Grandpa’s, they were in his stuff.”

“Most of them are dated before 1990 except one that says wedding video, so maybe when my mom married my dad and this one that doesn’t have a date.”

Mary’s childhood spread out before them on a dozen cassettes. A headache formed behind one eye, beating in time with his pulse.

“Start with the earliest one first?” The hopeful yet cautious note in Peter’s voice grounded Bucky.

“Sounds like a plan, Pal.” He shared a look with Natalia. There would be more drinking tonight.

A lot of it.

Hopefully, Stevie had more of that mead.

After adding another log to the fire, Bucky moved to the sofa eased down next to her as Peter popped in the first tape. The screen had already lowered. He held out his hand and she slid hers into his. The fierce grip didn’t surprise him and he focused on not crushing her hand needing to hold onto her, too.

With a remote in hand, Peter dropped onto the floor and then said. “Here we go…”

The screen flickered to life and the volume came up.

“Mary,” a voice called and there she was. Fuck, she’d gotten so big. Her eyes lit up and she smiled as she bounced to her feet and walked toward the camera. Steady, even movements and her smile widened to show off two new teeth.

“Dada!” Mary called and Bucky would have closed his eyes if he could have taken them off her. “Pway.”

“We’ll play in a minute, Daddy promises. Now show Daddy the dance again?”

Mary let out an impatient huff so much her mother’s daughter Bucky found himself smiling so hard his jaw ached. “Don’t wanna.”

“Pretty please? You did it so pretty and I don’t want to forget it.”

She eyed him then the camera. Then the camera swung around and Bucky could see more of a living room, a sofa with a familiar style knitted blanket tossed over the back, plants in the windows and the art on the wall—it was familiar. The taste and the colors. Natalia had done that.

“See, Daddy is going to film it so you can see yourself dancing.”

“Ooh.” Suddenly all of Mary’s reticence vanished. “Show me!”

“You have to dance first, silly,” the voice—Will it had to be Will. The man even had a kind voice. “Want Daddy to put on the music?”

“Yes!” Mary faced the camera again, chin lifted, eyes sharp, and a hint of demand there. The challenge ever-present in her mother’s eyes.

She was so damn beautiful.

The song came on but Bucky barely heard the words as Mary started to dance. Natalia dug her nails into his hand and he returned the squeeze with equal fervor. It couldn’t have been but a few months since Natalia left.

She’d gotten so big since the last time he’d seen her. Obviously, she’d grown up. But she was perfect.

Her laughter filled the air with all of its warmth and delight.

Perfect.

Happy.

Leaning over, Bucky pressed a kiss to Natalia’s temple aware of the tears trickling down her face. “You did the right thing,” he whispered against her ear. “Look at her, Natalia. You did the  _ right _ thing.”

She was what they’d given themselves up for.

Forty years of hell was worth it for that laugh.


	16. I Hope You Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James, Natalia, and Peter bond and grieve as they watch the videos and go through the photo albums.

**Chapter Sixteen**

_ Natalia/Natasha _

**I Hope You Dance**

Even James’ words couldn’t soften the enormous loss or longing the first video created. It went on through various clips of Mary’s next year, including her first actual dance lessons in a studio. It twisted her up to see Mary in actual ballet slippers and her expression when she refused to do a step and then just sat down during one class cracked her up.

Both Peter and James glanced at her as she swiped at her face. It was impossible to explain the fierce joy she experienced as Mary was allowed to simply be herself.

“This is weird,” Peter said softly. “I’ve never watched these—and she’s so little.”

“She was,” James said in an equally gentle tone. “But she had so much personality.”

“She could win you over with just a smile,” Natalia teased him. “All she had to do was look at you.”

Peter grinned at the description and Natalia winked at him. “So he is susceptible to at least one of us.”

Arm around her, James snorted. “Mary had her mother’s spirit, pauk pank. She was impossible to say no to when she was really determined. Somehow, your mother resisted.”

“Because even charm must have discipline,” Natalia reminded him. “And you were putty for her.”

“I did not mind so much.”

No, they never had.

The first tape took them all the way up to Mary’s first Christmas after Natalia left. Mary had grown in those months, she talked more. She babbled in a mixture of English and French. There was an occasional word in Italian thrown in, but it was the Russian that surprised Natalia the most.

Maybe it shouldn’t have. Mary Parker’s file indicated she’d been fluent in nearly a dozen languages. Almost as many as Natalia spoke. It wasn’t until the Christmas video that she spotted the little pony she’d won her that day they’d gone to Coney Island for her birthday. It was a little rough from handling, but Mary held onto it all morning, setting it aside only to open presents. Will had to be the one handling the camera, she only caught glimpses of him in reflections, but the relentless upbeat mood he provided Mary left Natalia missing him as well.

When it ended and the screen went silent, Natalia sighed. Peter squirmed around to look at both of them. Even wiping away the tears wasn’t enough to erase their presence. “Are you okay?” Peter asked.

“I will be,” she promised. “She was…”

“Everything,” James finished for her and he cleared his throat. “I think we need hot cocoa for the next one.”

“I can do that,” she said, running a hand against his leg. The grateful smile he cast her shifted her to wrap her arms around him. The hug he returned in equal fervor squeezed the air out of her before he loosened a little. The words he’d whispered at the beginning were scarred into her heart.

She’d made the right choice. Mary was happy. She did the right thing. James pressed his face against her neck and she curved her hand against the back of his head. Peter said nothing for a long moment as she just held James. The dampness against her skin was all she needed to know. They’d been carrying each other so much through this. After a ragged breath followed by another then another until he finally calmed his breathing, James gave her a gentle squeeze.

“YA v poryadke seychas, Kotyonok,” he murmured and she loosened her hold to lean back. Then with care, she cupped his face and smoothed away the tear tracks.

“Ya lyublyu tebya tak sil'no, zvezda moya.”

He smiled, then clasped her hands and kissed them both. “I know.”

The barest hint of teasing pulled her laughter to the surface.

Exhaling, she rose and glanced to where Peter stared at the fire. Running her fingers through his hair, she said, “Look after James. I’m going to make cocoa.”

“Okay,” he said, casting a glance up at her. “Do you both want to keep going?”

“Yes,” she exhaled in the same breath James did. As much as this hurt, it was a gift. As she padded to the kitchen, she caught sight of Liho winding around James to rub against his hand as she wiggled her way onto his lap.

Peter held up the next tape as he spoke in a quiet, almost solemn tone. Smart boy, he gave James the time to compose himself and didn’t rush over him in enthusiasm. Cloaky drifted behind her and as she got the milk into a saucepan, the cloak settled around her shoulders. It wasn’t until it did that she noticed the faint shiver.

Reaction.

“Thank you,” she told the cloak as it gave her a squeeze. The fact he had become such a close companion hadn’t been lost on her. She appreciated the company even if she wasn’t entirely certain what his long-term goals were. So far, he had proven to be trustworthy and reliable, both good things in light of their current circumstances.

In the living room, James was adding wood to the fire and Liho perched on his shoulder, peering at the flames. Spoiled cat. He had one hand on her, scratching under her neck gently as he set the logs in. Peter had switched out the tapes and moved to perch on the coffee table.

A fleeting smile softened James’ expression as he glanced back at Peter. While she couldn’t hear the conversation, the fact Peter grinned and then laughed eased one of the stones off her chest.

“Friday,” Natalia murmured. “Tell Tony and Steve I’m making cocoa and I can make them mugs if they’d like.”

“I’ll let them know, Nat,” Friday answered in the same quiet tones. “Is there anything else I can do?”

“No,” she said. “Just that, thank you.”

“They both said thank you, but they could wait for later if you wouldn’t mind making it again tonight. They don’t want to intrude.” It would be an intrusion if she asked but she appreciated the fact they were giving them the time Peter had asked for. 

Time they needed.

“I don’t mind making it later.”

When she had the mugs ready, she carried them back out and Peter grinned as he popped up to help her. After he took his cocoa, he said, “This is hands down one of my favorite things you do.”

“Make cocoa?”

“You and everyone else, Pal,” James said, the Brooklyn in his drawl pronounced. Despite the faint redness around his eyes, his expression relaxed. He’d found a measure of peace and that settled more of the stones on her heart.

“Well, I was thinking the actual mom thing,” Peter admitted. “You cook, you make cocoa, you bake, and you make me feel safe.” His ears went red at that admission and she smiled.

“Come here,” she murmured, her hands full with her mug and James’. Peter leaned closer and dipped his head as she rose on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “You’re always safe with us,” she promised. “If I don’t take out the threats, James will.”

Peter grinned. “He’s pretty cool.”

“Just discovered that, did you?” She moved to the spot she’d been curled up in, James had left it open for her and he rescued his mug from her as she sat.

“No, but…I didn’t realize how much Bucky was in the history books before the last couple of weeks. I’d meant to do some research, but… there was always something. I just asked him about Brooklyn and the Dodgers. Did you know he actually saw them play back in ’41?”

“You don’t say.”

James chuckled. “Natalia doesn’t know baseball as well. But she does listen and research because I like it.”

“You used to listen to the games on the radio sometimes.” In Montana, they’d heard a couple of games there.

“Yeah,” he said. “You still had no idea even when I tried to explain it.”

She shrugged. “You hit a ball with a hunk of wood, you run. You’re not allowed to use the bat to clear your way. Though you can get hit by the ball.”

“Tagged, Natalia. Tagged by it and not because someone hits you with it.” But the spark was back in his eyes.

“Well, you’ll just have to teach me, won’t you?”

“Oh, that would be cool. Can you imagine a game at the Compound? Who would be the best pitcher?”

Natalia glanced at James and he snorted, then they both looked at Peter. “Steve,” they said in one voice.

“Yeah but balls have different physics from that shield and that shield doesn’t obey physics at all.”

“He’d still be the best pitcher,” James assured him. “Natalia can be the shortstop.”

“What does the shortstop do?”

“It’s the most demanding of the defensive positions, most hitters will slice the ball between first and second base. You have to be agile and quick.”

“Nice,” she complimented.

“All true, Natalia. You would also be the one no one would want to cross.” The teasing light in his pale blue eyes pulled a smile out of her. “We’ll practice. You’ll see. If not…I’ll still take you to the game and buy you a hot dog and a cold beer.”

“Me too?”

“You can have the hot dog,” James told him. “You’re not old enough for the beer yet.”

“Probably wouldn’t do anything for you anyway,” Natalia told him as she settled back. “Drinking, I’m afraid, is probably not going to be a vice you get to enjoy.”

“You do.”

“I’m Russian. Vodka is mother’s milk.”

That earned a snicker from both of them and she sipped her cocoa as some of the rawness soothed away.

The laughter and the cocoa carried them through the next couple of hours. Will filmed a lot of moments of Mary’s life, documenting her learning to ride a bike, roller skates, becoming a Brownie—not something Natalia would have ever expected—as well as her first day at school. Mary grew more beautiful on each tape.

At lunchtime, James called a halt to all of it. They’d seen a dance recital, a school play, a speech, and graduation from kindergarten. Was that even a thing? The moments were elongating. The fourth tape had Mary at her ninth birthday party, surrounded by friends and she was armed with a lightsaber and received a host of  _ Star Wars _ toys. When challenged whether she was Princess Leia or not, she snorted.

Of course she was, Princess Leia was an excellent shot.

That sent James into a deep rumble of laughter as Peter gawked. “She was kind of a badass.”

Yes, she was.

She was also happy, confident, and absolutely gorgeous.

So much they’d missed and Will had recorded so many precious moments.

“Food,” James said, tugging her up from the sofa. Liho had been curled in her lap or his for the last couple of hours and Cloaky had remained wrapped around her like a permanent hug.

As she stood, the cloak loosened and she rubbed her cheek against the collar. “Thank you,” she murmured. “I’m all right.”

Peter cleaned up the tapes they’d already watched. There were only a few left and an unexpected pang rang through her. As hard as it was to watch, she didn’t want them to end.

The cloak slipped away from her and she squeezed James’ hand when she caught a sniffle. Tipping her head, she moved to Peter. The moment her hand brushed his shoulder, he turned and pressed his face against her stomach as he hugged her waist. He wasn’t quite crying, but there was definite upset.

Stroking her fingers through his hair, she murmured softly, “It’s all right, Peter.”

“I keep thinking about everything you missed,” Peter answered in a wobbly voice.

Natalia met James’ gaze and he let out a little sigh. Dropping to one knee, he put a hand on Peter’s shoulder. “Pal, we’re getting to see it now. We’re getting to see she had the life we wanted her to have.”

Peter lifted his head. The strain on his face was obvious. “But you’re both crying. You’re both—you’re hurting. I knew it would be hard, but this is…”

“It is hard,” Natalia told him. “It’s incredibly difficult. That first video—I remember her at that age. That was how old she was when I last saw her.”

“She was older than when I last did,” James admitted. “But it’s also hope. When I went after that hunting squad, I did it to buy Natalia and Mary time to get away. That video and every single one following it is the proof that what I did worked.”

Licking her lips, Natalia gathered her own composure as she slowly sat down on the coffee table. Peter had loosened his grip and his gaze tracked to her at the movement. “It’s the evidence that I made the right call.” Having James tell her was one thing, admitting it to herself? “Since the moment I woke from cryo, since the moment I remembered, I’ve been second-guessing myself. I worried James would hate me for marrying another man, for making that man Mary’s father. I worried that I had done something inescapably cruel to him and yet utterly selfish because it would protect our daughter.”

She swallowed as she blinked slowly, no more tears right now. James put his free hand over hers and she clasped it.

“Will loved her. One of the things that I told him I wanted to do with Mary was to build real and lasting memories. I wanted her to have a happy childhood with stories she could tell her friends, with memories she could look back on and laugh and be proud of. I wanted…I wanted her to be surrounded by those memories. He did that for me.” While her feelings for Will might always be nebulously tied up in her choices, she loved him. “He loved Mary. He clearly gave her a wonderful childhood. That little girl is so confident and free and happy…” No shadows wreathed her eyes. No darkness clouded her smile. “Yes, I’m crying. I do miss her. I miss that we didn’t get to be there and I’m grateful to Will that he was and that he did all of that.”

“You’re not hurting us,” James finished solemnly, though his voice was a little rough. “I think you’re helping more than you realize.”

“But we can take a break,” Natalia said even if she didn’t want to. A part of her longed to dig into those photo albums, finish the videos, and consume every bit of that life Mary had. “We don’t want you to hurt.”

“I’m not,” Peter said slowly. “It’s weird to see her so young and sometimes she reminds me of me…and it’s kind of cool to think we could have been friends, you know?”

Yes, she did.

James flexed his fingers against Peter’s shoulder. “We’re still pausing for lunch. We’re going to take a breather.”

“Okay,” Peter exhaled. “What do we want to do for lunch?”

They both looked at her with nearly the same expression and she sniffed once, then chuckled. “Let’s go raid the kitchen and find out.”

Peter snagged the mugs as he stood. “On it.”

James took her hands as Peter vanished into the kitchen. Resting her forehead to his, she squeezed his fingers, flesh and metal. She adored all of him. The question in his eyes was clear, did she need more time? She shook her head slowly. “I really am all right,” she murmured. “It hurts, but…”

“…yeah,” he exhaled, understanding there. “You really did the right thing, lyubov moya. That man…Will Fitzpatrick. You chose him well.”

She smiled. “We got lucky.”

“I don’t always believe in luck.”

No. He believed in planning, careful execution, and instincts. She had liked Will from the beginning.

“Sometimes,” she whispered. “We make our own luck.”

“There’s still some leftovers in here…” Peter called. “And there’s a ton of stuff for sandwiches…”

The corner of James’ mouth curved upward and Natalia smiled.

“You guys like sandwiches, right?”

Pressing a kiss to her palm, James chuckled. “You know what, Pal, we definitely like sandwiches…”

~~~

They built massive sandwiches together while debating what was best to go on sandwiches. Peter ran food upstairs to Steve and then down to Tony when both declined the lunch invitation.

“They’re giving us the time,” James said quietly, rubbing her arm while they waited for Peter to come back.

“I know.” She did. “Though they don’t have to starve to do that.”

James chuckled. “Stevie took leftovers up with him earlier and I’m pretty sure I caught Tony sneaking blueberries and nuts to take down to the lab. Did you know he hides pockets of food everywhere?”

“Yes,” Natalia said, grinning wider. “Used to drive the people at SHIELD nuts. He would always find something to munch on when he dropped in and he’d store these little pouches everywhere. I’d hear it about it whenever I dropped into the science wing, particularly if they came across one of his stashes. No one knew how he did it.”

“Did you figure it out?”

She grinned. “Not my secret to tell.”

Chuckling softly, James pressed his lips to hers and she sighed against his mouth. One hand over his heart, she dug her fingers into his shirt and he braced a hand against her hip.

“I wasn’t even gone that long,” Peter complained.

Laughter bubbled up between them and James lifted his head. “I told you to get used to it, Pal. I kiss Natalia.” He wrapped his arms around her and she leaned her head against his chest, needing it every bit as much as he did.

“Yeah, I know,” Peter said, running a hand through his hair and shuffling. “It’s kind of cute. But I’m starving.”

Her indelicate snort got them both. “That’s why we made sandwiches, malen’kiy pauk.”

After a squeeze, James let her go and they carried their sandwiches, water for James, soda for Peter and tea for her back to the living room. Instead of sitting on the sofa, Natalia folded down to sit with the sofa at her back in front of the coffee table and they joined her.

“So,” Peter began as he lifted his sandwich. “Can I ask about you two while we eat?”

“You can ask,” James said, his tone and expression both mild.

“But you’ll only answer some of them?” Peter dared a look at her.

“Depends on what you ask,” she warned him. “I won’t talk about the Red Room, Petya.”

“I know, I understand. I mean, I don’t, but I get not wanting to talk about it.”

She studied him a beat, then nodded before taking a sip of her tea. “Thank you.”

“So maybe we can talk about Brooklyn?” He looked at James. “You grew up there.”

“Yeah,” James said slowly and for a moment his gaze went distant, some of the ease draining out of him. When Peter would have opened his mouth, Natalia caught his eye and shook her head. James needed a moment. Instead of saying anything, Peter nodded then took a bite. Finally, after a prolonged moment, James said, “Born and raised.” Some of the animation filtered back into his face. “My mother was a teacher. Dad worked in construction.”

“And you were born in 1917.”

James nodded slowly. “Yeah, seems like a long time ago now. City was different then. Grew up in the 20s, then started working in the 30s, scraping for what I could get to get by on. Depression made it hard. Jobs weren’t always readily available. Mom always had work, teachers were needed. She worked at a real nice school in Manhattan. Took the train in. Dad had jobs, those came and went. So I did my part. Helped out Stevie when he needed it.”

“So you’ve known him since you were kids?”

Gradually, James relaxed. “Grew up in the same building. They were our neighbors, Steve, Aunt Sarah. She was a nurse. Her husband died in the Great War, Dad fought in that too. Didn’t quite get over it.”

Natalia leaned against James lightly and he finished a bite then pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She was there if he needed her. Talking about his past had never been easy for him. If he looked too far back, he missed them.

“Had three sisters, all younger—all pretty and smart. Handfuls is what they were. But good girls. Becca became a doctor.” He slanted a look at her as if to confirm it and she nodded. He grinned. “Had a gift that one. Always knew more than she let on.”

Leaning forward, Peter studied him. “So what was it like? I mean New York had to be totally different…”

Then bit-by-bit, James warmed to the topic. They discussed the book Peter had gotten Steve at Christmas. How different New York had been. What it was like to go to school then. The expectations. When he learned about James’ degree though, he blinked.

“How did I not know you went to college? I mean, I knew but it’s not really…”

James shrugged. “Not a lot of folks worried about college, Pal. It was about putting food on the table. I got lucky, did the work, found a way to make it fit. But my ma always said that either I put my brain to work for me or I had to work for other people.”

The dry note there tugged at her and Natalia tilted her head to study his expression. Regret touched his eyes, then he met her gaze and it fled as he smiled.

“She was right. I put my brain to work for me now.”

He had been fighting to do that for a long time.

“I always wanted a sibling,” Peter admitted. “Used to think that maybe Uncle Ben and Aunt May would have kids but they didn’t. Aunt May always said I was more than enough.” He snuck a look at Natalia. “You didn’t have any siblings either.”

“No,” she said simply. The closest she might be able to claim that relationship to was Tanya and that had not been sisters. They’d been more reluctant if armed allies at the very best. It didn’t matter, she was gone now, too.

All of the Widow candidates were gone.

“Did you ever want one?” The question seemed to slip out of him before he could stop himself and he winced. “Sorry, I know you don’t want to talk about then.”

“It’s not about desire, Petya. It’s about what I’m willing to share. That was another life. I survived it, that’s the only part that is important. And no, I didn’t want one because I didn’t know what it meant.” She barely understood the concept of friends before James. Becoming a friend was an in, a means to an end. It was about the exchange. Everyone wanted something. “But I can appreciate the desire for them—even when they make you crazy. Lila and Coop bicker, but they always love each other.”

“You and Clint kind of bicker,” Peter pointed out.

“We do,” she admitted. “But maybe not the same.”

“It’s almost exactly the same,” James whispered against her ear, then pressed a kiss behind it.

“Oh, like you and Steve thwapping each other regularly?”

“He’s a punk,” James said solemnly, though a hint of mischief danced in his eyes. “And then there’s Remy and Logan for you.”

“True, but Logan and I do not bicker. We drink. It’s different.”

“I saw them,” Peter said. “But I didn’t really get to meet them.”

“We’ll fix that,” Natalia told him. “Logan at least. Lover Boy might be a bit much for you yet. Though if you do meet him, never take his advice.”

“Logan’s or Remy—Lover Boy is Remy right?” Peter frowned.

“Yes,” James said, stretching his legs out as he finished the last of his second sandwich. “Natalia is right. Remy is hot-headed, impulsive, if very loyal. He’s also very fond of games.”

It was a fairly accurate assessment even if they’d only met a couple of times.

“Logan knew Mary,” Natalia told Peter and he straightened.

“Really?”

“When she was little. He helped Mary and me when we were first on our own. He saved a picture of her for me all these years. You can trust him. I do.”

“That’s cool.”

“He’s gruff and he can be cranky, but he’s always reliable.”

Leaning against the coffee table, Peter glanced at James. “Have you reached out to your family? You know—I know it’s been years and maybe your sisters aren’t alive, but their kids maybe?”

Connections.

James shook his head. “Pal, not sure they’d want to know me.”

“Why not? You’re a hero.”

He snorted. “I was an assassin for a long time. I’ve been on the wrong side of the fight for even longer. Not many folks want that kind of bad apple falling out of their tree.”

“You’re not a bad apple,” Peter argued. “You’re Teflon.”

“It’s easy to say…”

“No it’s not,” Peter countered and James raised his brows. “Look, I know I don’t understand all of it. But I have read about you. I know the things you were accused of.” He flicked a look at her. “I know the things they said about both of you. But I also know  _ you _ . I know what you do when you have a choice. I  _ like _ that I’m related to both of you. And I know I’m calling Mom…well Mom and I’m calling you Bucky, but you’re my family and I’m glad I know you. I’m glad I know the truth. I think the rest of your family might be glad to know it, too and if they don’t…” He shrugged. “Their loss.”

Pride unfurled in Natalia as Peter held James’ gaze.

Finally, James said, “I’ll think about it, Pal.”

It was a concession and Peter grinned. “Cool. And I was also thinking…” Now he cut his gaze to her. “I want to tell May.”

Natalia had seen that coming. “It may not be safe for her to know.”

“I know, but that was my reason for not telling her I was Spider-Man and because I thought she’d tell me I couldn’t do it. But May needs to know—because you’re my family and she’s my family. It’s just been her and me for so long, I want her to have you, too.”

That was a difficult argument to counter.

“Not saying no,” James said slowly. “But we need to think about all the implications, Pal. The people who might target you if she slips.”

May wouldn’t slip. Of that, Natalia was certain. Her love for Peter was absolute and fierce. She protected her nephew like he was her own child and she was savvy and sharp. Challenging Tony or Natalia was no easy feat and she hadn’t blinked to do it when it came to Peter.

“Not saying yes yet,” Natalia added. “You’re right. She should know.” The surprise rippling through James didn’t shock her. “But we need to make things more stable all the way around first.” Her triggers needed to go so she could get off lockdown. She needed to get back into training. When it came down to it, she needed to be able to show May she would never let anything happen to Peter. Not as long as she could prevent it.

“Okay.” There they let it settle. “Are we telling the rest of the team?”

James chuckled. “You plan on calling her Mom, they are going to find out.”

“True,” Peter said with a grin. “But I’m asking Mom if that’s okay.”

Because he very much wanted it.

“I won’t stop you,” she said softly. “I’m very proud of you.”

Pleasure flushed his face and he glanced at James. “That’s okay with you, too?”

“Pal, long as you don’t take out a billboard in Times Square, I’m fine with all of it. We just don’t want anyone coming after Peter Parker for being ours. Clear?”

Peter nodded once. “Clear.” Then he grinned again. “I really do love that I can say you’re mine.”

James closed his hand over hers under the table and she smiled. “So do we, Pal. So do we.”

While they cleaned up from lunch, Peter asked about the war, training for it and what it was like. James kept his answers safely vague, shielding Peter from some of the harsher realities, but not all of them.

No, they couldn’t keep all of it from them. More than once, Peter would track his gaze to her and the question was there on the tip of his tongue. She’d fought in the war, too, right? But he never asked and she didn’t offer.

What she had to do for the war effort was definitely not on the table to discuss.

Ever.

Eventually, they resumed the tapes and watched them up through Mary’s graduations from high school, then college, and eventually her wedding. The hardest part of it all was seeing the woman she’d become, but at the same time, it was a comfort.

Natalia could almost pick out all the places she’d been during these key moments in Mary’s life. Yet, Mary had been safe. She’d grown up far away from the Red Room, the KGB, or even Hydra. A safe life.

A good one.

Shifting her gaze to the image on the wall, she stroked a hand over Liho’s back. When she found out about being pregnant, she’d had one mission. One goal.

She’d done it.

Mission accomplished.

The joy of that tangled with the grief of loss. While it couldn’t quite soften the blow, it did ease some of it.

The very last tape was of Peter himself and his eyes widened when he saw himself as a baby. Even better, Peter was an adorable baby and he looked like both of his parents. But seeing the simple joy in Mary’s face as she held her son?

That was another gift.

“Being a grandparent isn’t so bad,” James murmured against her ear and she grinned wider.

No. It really wasn’t. 

~~~

The photo albums had more moments for them to delve into. These also had pictures of Will, too. They studied each picture, looking for nuance. Some were silly—Mary with a smear of cake frosting on her nose or Will soaking wet from what looked like some prank. In many of them, Mary laughed or smiled. In a few, however, she’d been caught absolutely unaware, her expression distant and almost pensive. Natalia longed to know what held her attention in those images, what thoughts knotted her.

More than one of her and Will together cemented Natalia’s belief that they had been good for each other. Will had kept his promises, as evidenced by the journal he’d kept. Mary had become his world and he’d showered her with love and attention. As she lingered on the images of Will, she tracked his aging. He’d seemed older in the early pictures of him with Mary. Some of the photos in the first album were pictures Natalia had taken herself though she hadn’t commented on that. She’d avoided being in the images, played it off with a deft hand.

Grief had left its mark on Will. There were hints of gray in his hair and fatigue around his eyes. While more people showed up in the images, Will was never holding a woman’s hand or had an arm around except for Mary. That was something Natalia had taken from him. When James noticed her focus, she pushed on.

There were so many pictures, snapshots of her life. Peter as a baby was adorable. He had the most delightful smirk at times and the same eyes he possessed now. Eyes that reminded her of Mary but she could see the resemblance to his own father.

The way Richard Parker looked at Mary satisfied another question. The man _ loved _ her. Peter laughed as he recounted stories from the ones he could remember. Some he knew because Will had told him, some he’d remembered. The images taken of Peter and Will after Mary’s death were harder still.

If Natalie’s death had aged Will, then Mary’s had sapped the vitality from him. But his affection for Peter shone in every image. Then Will was gone from the pictures and eventually Ben faded away, too.

The last handful of pages were mostly Peter marking time up to his current age with an occasional shot featuring May.

On the last page, Peter let out a sigh. “Okay, that was way more depressing than I thought it would be.”

“It can be hard to look back,” James admitted. “But let’s say we take a real break now. Go do something else?”

Peter gave a little nod. “What do you want to do?”

“We can go work on the car? Go hit the gym and spar for a bit if you like. Watch a movie,” James added the last suggestion with a glance at her.

“Go spar,” she told them. “You could both use something to do with all that nervous energy.” Peter’s leg had been bouncing for the last hour. It would also give them more time to bond. What had been present had already grown stronger.

“Doll…”

“Nope, I’m not volunteering to spar no matter how much I might want to. I know the rules.” No injuries and avoiding head blows. She still had at least another week. “

“Then we can do something with you,” Peter said.

“It’s fine, Petya. You two could use it and I think I need a little time to myself.”

Covering her hand, James tapped a soft question.  _ Are you all right? _

She responded with a nod. “I am… just a lot to think about.” She smiled. “I loved this look at her life, at yours,” she assured Peter. “But I am tired.” Drained. She tapped to James.  _ Do you need me? _

His response made her smile.  _ Always. But rest.  _ “We’ll keep it a light workout, then we can fix food and watch comedies or you can show Peter how well you play the game.”

Natalia laughed and Peter eyed her. “I don’t know,” he said. “She’s sneaky dangerous.”

“Yes,” James said. “You couldn’t learn from a better teacher. She can beat me.”

At that, Peter stared. “Seriously?”

“Hmm, I’d say we’re evenly matched.” But she bumped James’ shoulder and then he gave her a kiss. Together they cleaned up the books, packing the albums up though she’d slipped one picture out and tucked it into the side cushion when they’d been looking earlier. 

“We won’t be long,” Peter promised as he headed for the stairs and James paused to study her.

“You need me to call Stevie or Tony?” The question was so James. Always looking after her.

“I’m good, I meant it when I said I just needed some time. But if you need me…”

“I’m…better than I thought I would be,” he admitted. “It hurt but it was…”

“A relief, too.”

He nodded.

“She had a good life.”

“Yes,” James told her. “She did. She was happy. I couldn’t have asked for more Natalia. I meant what I said this morning. You did the right thing. I knew you had—from the moment I remembered, I knew you had protected her. Now you know, too.”

“I love you, James.”

His smile grew. “My life is better for it. Call me if you need me.”

“I will.”

Then he was gone, following after Peter.

Liho sat on the arm of the sofa watching her in between grooming her paws as Natalia rose to add another log to the fire. The wood smoke and the crackle offered some comfort as did the trickle of the waterfall in the other room. The house was quiet. Though it was full—Steve and Tony were busy with their projects and now James and Peter were in the gym, it still possessed a kind of stillness.

She was still staring at the photo of Will and Mary when her phone buzzed. It had been silent most of the morning. But the identity of the person calling wasn’t a surprise.

Answering it, she said, “You really need a hobby.”

“Nah, whenever I look for a hobby, I start renovating.” The lightness in Clint’s words didn’t detract from the

“So what are you fixing?”

He snorted. “Bite me.”

“Uh huh,” she said, curling her feet under her. “What are you renovating?”

“Pulled up the floor in the kitchen and got the new tile down yesterday.” The faint grumble in his voice made her laugh.

“Have you talked to her yet?”

“We talk all the time, Kid. We’re all right. I’m still here.”

“You sound happy.”

“I am happy. My kids are happy. My wife is happy—she’s still my wife. These are good things. How’s my best friend doing?”

“Saw videos of Mary today.”

A slow exhale. “Like video, videos?”

“First Christmas after I left, first birthday, at home playing, learning to ride a bike, dance lessons… everything up to when she got married. Some after Peter was born. Lots of big moments.”

“You all right?”

“Yes,” she said slowly even as she traced her fingers over the picture.

“Are you asking me or telling me, Nat?”

A smile touched the corners of her mouth. “I’m telling you. I’m all right. It hurts Clint—it hurts in a way I can’t describe and at the same time, there’s this inexplicable joy of knowing she was all right. She had a good life. She was happy. Will was a good father.” Her voice thickened at the end and she had to blink. “A good father.” She was so over the crying. The lapse in her control, the fact every single compartment had been ripped open.

That had been the price she paid to get Mary back so she couldn’t regret it.

“I’m glad,” Clint said, his voice infinitely gentle. “You need to talk?”

“Maybe,” she admitted. “Just not sure what all the words are.”

“Then let’s start with something simple,” he suggested. “Tell me about Peter.”

She filled him in on the black eye, the work they did to help get people home, the snowstorm, dinner, and the flying car.

“And now they’re working on making another one?” Clint said as she finished. “That could be cool. Lola was a sweet car.”

“She was,” Natalia could admit. “Do you know what happened to her?”

“No clue,” he said. “Haven’t thought about her in years. Probably ended up a trophy in someone’s garage or maybe Fury parked her somewhere.”

That would suck. “Well, I have to talk to Fury at some point…”

“Why?” The sheer volume of  _ hell no _ in his voice radiated in that one syllable and the corner of her mouth kicked up.

“He knew Will.”

Dead silence.

A moment later a door closed. “One sec.”

The silence elongated and then the very audible sound of the barn door’s creak filled her ear, followed by the slot of it shutting. “What. The. Actual. Fuck?”

“Long story…” Well, maybe not so long. But she carried the photo with her to the kitchen where she made tea and filled him in on what she’d learned from the journal. Clint didn’t say a word until she got to the end.

“Do you need me back there, Kid?”

Those damn tears burned again. “They’re taking care of me. You take care of your family and I know where you are if I need to talk like I just did.”

“He fucking knew him? When I brought you in… when he sent me after you… he knew. That means he knew about Mary.”

Yes. She’d already reached that part. “Yes.”

“I’m going to kill him.”

“No,” she said softly. “I have too many questions, but only one I will make him answer.”

“Why.” It wasn’t a question, it was the answer.

“Yes.”

“You don’t see him alone.”

“Now you sound like Steve.”

“Yeah well, sometimes even Captain Awesome is dead on the money.”

“And James.”

“Good. Then they are taking care of you. How’s Tony?” He slid that right in there.

“Well, we went on a date.”

His long, slow whistle cracked through the tension and she grinned.

“You really do like to live dangerously.”

“We’re married, we might as well date, you know.”

“And you can joke about it. Good. Is it serious?”

“It might be. There’s a lot going on and Tony is…he’s great. He doesn’t want to push, just wants me to work on me. I told him that he loved Natasha, but I’m not all her or all Natalia anymore.”

“You’re still you,” Clint said firmly. “I know I fucked with your head when I made that argument, Kid. But you’re still absolutely you. He’d have to be an idiot not to see that and someone I trust told me he was a really smart guy.”

She chuckled. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Look, Nat—seriously. I want you to be happy. I want you to be free. You have your memories back, you have Bucky back. You’ve got Steve right there and Tony. You got Peter. These are all awesome, but it would be a lot for anyone to get a grip on. To say you’ve had an eventful year would be an understatement. But if anyone deserves to be drowning in affection, it’s you. Course—now that’s another one I gotta warn that I have a farm and a backhoe.”

Natalia burst out laughing.

“I’m not kidding.”

“I know you’re not,” she said. “Just remember, they’re mine so you don’t get to hurt them.”

“They hurt you… all bets are off. First, last, and always. You’re my best friend, they can damn well deal with it.”

“Peter’s Uncle Clint.”

There was a beat of silence. “Damn, there went threatening the kid if he screws up with Wanda.”

She raised her eyebrows.

“Not that I would threaten him.”

“Uh huh.”

“Hey, it’s me.” He chuckled.

“Hmm, I know who it is. I remember when you wanted to bury Matty.”

“ _ He _ deserved it.”

“And then Maria.”

“Same.”

“My boys complicate your life.”

“No, you  _ dating _ boys complicates my life. Good thing for you, I can handle complicated.”

“It’s a very good thing.”

They talked for a few more minutes and she was feeling a bit better after the call. Phone and photo in hand, she returned to the living room and stared at the fire for a while before she slid the photo carefully into a spot on the mantle. Hopefully, James and Peter wouldn’t mind that she wanted to keep that picture.

“Nat?” Friday asked quietly.

“Yes.”

“Boss wanted to know if you wanted company or if you still needed some time?”

She smiled.

“Captain Rogers is going to head down to the gym to join Sergeant Barnes and Mr. Parker.”

“Okay, and yes, I’m good for company. I had some time.” The drowning emptiness wasn’t quite so vast or deep. Maybe it didn’t have a bottom, but she knew how to swim and her muscles were getting stronger every day.

“I’ll let everyone know. Also, there is an update on the storm when you’re ready.”

She exhaled. “Yep.” The world didn’t stop.

Not even when they did.

“Read me in…”

~~~

_ Elsewhere… _

__

The secure comm connected him after a series of clicks routing him to their private server. Stark had ears everywhere so they engaged in no open communications.

“You’ve been avoiding my calls.” Yuri was not pleased. The man had a filthy temperament for someone who used to be a spy.

“I’ve been busy,” he said with an impatient huff. “I’m in position, but until we’re ready to move there’s no point in these calls.”

“Are you in a position to deal with Ross?”

“No,” he said with a sigh. “We don’t have anyone there, they’re keeping him locked down. But I doubt he’ll talk and even if he does, what is he going to say? Your name?”

“If you’re not in a position to deal with him, then that is one of the points of these calls,” Yuri stated in a cold, calculating voice. A beep sounded as a new caller connected.

“I’m in,” the woman’s crisp accent always did it for him though he would never indulge. Her tongue would probably cut him in half.

Tones sounded as the callers connected, one by one.

“I’m here,” the French man all but oozed. “But I have a standing engagement so let’s be swift.”

“This line is only secure for about ten minutes,” the teacher stated. “Unfortunately the weather has not been cooperating.”

“Then settle and listen,” Yuri interrupted before any of the others could announce themselves. “The tests have all gone well. We have perfected at least one of them. Each of you has been given the assignment to master your test. We have eyes on the Compound and the Tower. The weather plays to our advantage for the moment. Stark is still off on that faux honeymoon to cover for Romanoff’s injuries. While they are out of play, we must act swiftly and decisively.”

Swiftly? They’d had weeks of planning and months of feeling each other out. Now he wanted to move swiftly?

“The trial for Ross will distract them as will this redrafting of the Accords. My people have been gathering information, but we need more. Beginning with the identity of the one they call Spider-Man, he’s not public, so track down who he is. Second, there are hunters after us trying to ferret out what happened with Banner. I want them silenced.”

“You’re talking about a former SHIELD agent and at least two unknowns—three if you count the one who was with them when they took Ross.”

“And the so-called dead former director,” Yuri added. “You can leave _him_ for me.”

Here they went. “Pick and choose your battles,” he advised. “If we let it get personal…”

“It is personal and you’re the last one to comment on that.”

Checking his watch, he glanced at the news. The weather in the city was brutal. Everything was closed. A good portion of the northeast was being pounded by this storm.

“Do your research. Eliminate the threats. Complete your tests. Report in. We need to be ready to move decisively.”

“When exactly do we move?” The woman asked.

“Soon,” he said. “We’re just waiting for the Starks to make their triumphant return.”

It would help if they found Banner, but he supposed that was something else Yuri would handle personally. 


	17. Somebody's Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is somebody's hero

**Chapter Seventeen**

_ Somebody’s Hero _

Steve

The sketches were finished and he’d set up one canvas and began the first layer of painting. With the music playing and the scent of coffee in the air, he kept his focus on the art rather than on how it was going with Bucky, Nat, and Peter. They’d been good at breakfast, but last night had been damn hard on them. Every time Steve thought they’d ripped through the last secret, more showed up.

Fury had known her husband. Known him well enough to call him in and to tap into his resources. That meant Nick had damn well known she’d had a daughter and he kept it from Nat. Robbed her of years she could have known her. To add insult to injury, he’d known and sent her to investigate her daughter’s death all the while she had no idea.

The thoughts churned in the back of his mind. What the hell had Fury been thinking? It turned Steve’s stomach to think how often the people in her life had used her, repurposed her for their needs—even Will objected to the types of missions they sent her on. He  _ knew _ or at least seemed to  _ recognize  _ she had no idea. He, too, then chose to say nothing.

It wasn’t until after Peter carried lunch up and thanked him for giving them the time that it really hit Steve why  _ that _ last bit had bothered him so much. When they had no idea what she would remember when she came out of cryo, he’d offered to back off. If she didn’t remember him, but she did Bucky—then let the two of them have the life they should have had.

Bucky had been pissed at him and the look Nat gave Steve later when he admitted it lingered like a bruise. He’d essentially offered to do what Will had. Will didn’t understand everything, he’d put a lot of pieces together. Yet by electing to keep his distance, he’d robbed her of precious time.

Time that should have been hers.

Fuck.

Steve abandoned the painting. The initial work wasn’t for the gallery showing anyway, he’d spent the whole morning painting Nat, focusing on her eyes as she’d read the night before, the loss there cut through him. She might not consider her feelings for Will to have been  _ in love _ , but she had loved him. Cared deeply enough she mourned his loss and regretted the loss she’d inflicted on him.

The fact Steve had been willing to do the same thing left a bitter taste in his mouth. Washing the brushes, he took his time to clean all the paint from them. Buck had been right to call him on that bullshit.

“Captain Rogers?”

“Yes, Friday?”

“Mr. Wilson is on the line for you.”

“Put him through.”

“Hey, Sam…”

“Hey, look at that, no sitting on hold this time.” Despite the lightness in his tone, Sam still took the verbal jab.

“Yeah, yeah…what’s up?”

“Actually, you got a minute and some privacy?”

Steve glanced around the empty studio, gaze lingering on the loveseat. He’d become very fond of that piece of furniture over the last few days. “It’s just me. Friday, give us some privacy?”

“Privacy mode engaged, Captain.”

“You’re good, Sam. Tell me what’s going on? More missing ships?” Because the last thing he wanted was an Assemble right now. They’d go if they had to, but he didn’t want to leave Nat or intrude on the day she and Bucky were having with Peter. Time with family was something to be protected at all costs. They damn well deserved it.

“Man, there’s no way to ease into this topic. I’m calling to talk to  _ you  _ about you.”

Picking up the now cold coffee, Steve said, “Okay.” Then he drained it before walking over to start more brewing. “What about me?”

“This marriage thing? Tony and Nat? This relationship thing, you, Bucky and Nat? What the hell, man? What is going on with you?”

Steve sighed. “You reading the gossip pages, Sam?”

“No, I’m reading the room and the fact you four are all socked away at the Tower. That this marriage thing Pepper announced is still going strong and I got eyes, Tony’s had a thing for your girl for a while. Not that you were being all that open about her being your girl  _ and _ her being Bucky’s girl.”

“We haven’t been hiding it,” he said evenly.

“No, but it’s—are you all right?” The sudden shift had Steve smiling even as he scratched his beard. “Sharon said that the marriage thing was legal.”

“So we’ve heard.” He didn’t sigh this time, just poured the coffee through for a second time. “It’s what it is, Sam. Nat’s recovering. She’s awake and she’s safe with us. Tony’s a trusted friend.”

That earned a beat of silence.

“She and Buck had a long history that’s not anyone else’s business.”

More silence.

“And I’m fine. I’m right where I want to be.”

“Okay. Don’t take this the wrong way, but are you fine because you have no other choice? Or are you really fine with sharing your lady?”

“My lady?” Steve chuckled. “Natasha is a person, Sam. She has her own identity and she isn’t defined by any of us. If anything, she defines us. My life is a damn sight better with her in it.”

“Steve, you know I’m not saying it isn’t. But have you taken a long look at what you’re doing?”

“Believe it or not, yes I have. Is it conventional? No. Does it live up to someone else’s standards? Don’t care. I’m happy. She wants me here. I am doing my damnedest to make her happy.” The rich scent of coffee teased him as he did the third pour. “Now ask the question you really want to ask.”

Sam sighed. “You know folks are gonna talk. Things like this, they don’t stay quiet. Especially if she’s married to Tony Stark—real or imagined. There’s already press about it.”

“That would be gossip. They’ve never had much nice to say about her because they’re a bunch of bullies who want to paint her out to be a bad guy.”

“Not saying you’re wrong…” Sam trailed off for a moment, then added, “Sending you something.”

His phone buzzed and Steve reached over to pluck it off the desk. One of the fun things about Friday, he didn’t have to hold his phone to talk on it, but he did have to look at it to see text messages.

It was a link and an image.

**_TO A RUSSIAN SPY WITH LOVE HERALDING THE END OF THE AVENGERS?_ **

_ Stark stole the prize, but will the captain sit this one out? _

Below the obnoxious headline was a split photo. On one side, Steve carried Nat piggyback as they returned from a run and they were both laughing, her arms firmly around his shoulders. It was a private moment captured by some photographer they hadn’t even seen. The image next to it was Nat and Tony dancing at the Christmas party. Damn, she’d looked great that night.

But the line below had him scrolling.

**OR HAS THE SPY ALREADY BEEN STOLEN?**

It was Nat kissing Bucky right in front of the Tower, the same morning Steve had carried her.

Son of a bitch.

He hated the damn gossip rags.

“Sorry man, that one got traction and it’s popping up everywhere. There’s even a hashtag war about it.”

“Well, the photos are at least good.” He wouldn’t mind having the original of the one where she was wrapped around him. He loved the look on her face.

“Steve… tell me you see the problem.”

“What I see are a bunch of people speculating about something that’s none of their business, Sam. What I see is Nat, happy with me after we went for a run. Nat and Tony enjoying a dance a few hours before she went through absolute hell. Nat kissing Bucky, openly and joyously, something they weren’t allowed for  _ decades _ .”

Sam went quiet.

“We have what we have when we have it and this? This is garbage. People want the drama, well they don’t get to have it at her expense. So be a pal, I appreciate your concern, but I’m  _ fine _ . I’m not fine with them picking over her life like this, but we’re good.”

“If you say so.” Yet doubt echoed in his words. “I just want you to have what you want.”

“But you don’t want to believe I do?”

“Look, I’m not going to say I don’t think it’s strange—cause I do. For me, a relationship is two people. Not three or four or however many you’re counting there. So, it’s hard not to see that you’re settling. You’re a good guy Steve, you deserve more.”

Sam was coming at this as a friend and Steve bit back the irritation as he refilled his mug.

“She’s married to Tony now, Steve. Real or imagined, you two haven’t gotten along all that great until the last few months. Things are good, right? The team is back. The Accords are changing to something better. You got Bucky back.”

“Are you worrying about the headline, Sam?” Steve asked carefully. “Or me?”

“I’m worrying about both because the first affects me and it affects Sharon and the rest of the team and the second because you’re my friend.”

“You and Sharon are doing all right?”

“I appreciate the question and I’m not quite ready to discuss that with you. We’re still in that…we like each other and we want this to work out but we might have issues phase.”

“Okay.”

“You all right with it if we are, though?”

“That’s not up to me, Sam. That’s up to you and Sharon. You’re both my friends, I like seeing you happy. The rest of it is none of my business.”

A beat of silence.

“You know I have your back,” Sam offered. “Even if I don’t get it? I’m here for you?”

“I do,” Steve said quietly. “I appreciate it.”

“All right then,” Sam exhaled. “You and me are okay?”

“I love her,” he said quietly. “Nat’s been my friend for a long time, she’s my anchor in this world I woke up in. She means the world to me. If you can respect that, then we’re okay.”

“You got it. Course…I gotta say, I told you she was one of the freaky ones.” The teasing pulled a smile from Steve. “And I say that as your friend. You need someone to confide in or share the details, I’m your guy.”

“I’ll remember that, but a gentleman never kisses and tells.”

“Damn, you gotta go and be like that.” But he laughed. “Take care of yourselves. This storm isn’t going anywhere fast and we’re still monitoring the hot spots, they haven’t gotten any hotter.”

“Let me know if it changes. You guys stay safe, too.”

“Yeah, we’re all here—well except Wanda. Strange sent one of those glowing circle things and she took off for a bit. Said she’d be back later. Don’t know about you, but those things are weird.”

Steve nodded. “You know, that’s not the weirdest thing I’ve seen.”

Sam laughed. “Take care, man. And Steve? If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“Thanks, Sam.”

After the call disconnected, Steve stared at the news article on his phone. “Friday?”

“Yes, Captain Rogers?”

“How bad is the speculation right now?”

“It has been increasing with each subsequent day of Boss and Nat’s absence. They have no ‘news’ to report so the media is speculating. They are also currently rating his past ‘affairs’ in comparison to Nat.”

“Is he following any of this?”

“Only the threats,” Friday stated. “Most of these articles would generally be funneled to the PR team. They are hardly the first to be written about him.”

Or Nat for that matter.

“Does Tony have a minute?”

“What’s up?” Tony’s voice came over the speakers. “Need me up there?”

“No, just wanted to know if you’ve been following the news reports.”

Tony let out a snort. “Always better to ignore them, Steve. They never say anything we want to read.”

“I know… don’t like how they’re painting Nat though.”

“Baby Girl, show me the articles.” A grunt. “Good pictures.”

“Yeah,” Steve admitted. “Wouldn’t mind the one of Nat and I outside the Tower. Pretty sure Bucky’s in it too since we were all together.”

“We’ll see what we can do… okay, now that just toes the line on slander. Baby Girl, let’s talk to the attorneys—and I need to talk to Pepper at some point. This is probably why she was calling me.”

“You still waiting on Nat to talk to her?”

“Yeah,” Tony said with a sigh. “I know Red wanted to call her a couple of days ago, but… we’ve had a lot to do. Who knew vacation took effort.”

Steve chuckled. “It’s hard to turn it off. You see the updates on the ships and the fire in the sky in Russia?”

“I’m up to speed. Nothing has changed on those fronts unless you got something new?”

“Nope. Got me thinking though…”

“I’m listening.”

“We need more bodies on the team. We need to be more proactive about this stuff rather than reactive.”

“Fair,” Tony said. “You want Red to stay out of it, especially Russia.”

“Not going to happen.” That was a foregone conclusion. He didn’t want Bucky there, either. “But she’s benched until those triggers are out. That’s not a risk I’m willing to let her take.”

“Agreed,” Tony let out a sigh. “You have people in mind for adding to the team?”

“Well, we met a couple of them, Nat can vouch for them.”

“Logan and the Cajun kid.”

“Yep.”

“I’ll have Friday pull deep backgrounds or would you rather let Red do it?”

“Sit on it for now. We’ll talk to Nat. Maria’s another possibility.”

“Survey says ehhhh,” Tony snorted. “Put a pin in that one, I’m still not one hundred percent sure of her loyalties. That might be asking to put a loaded gun at our backs.”

“Fair. What do you think of Strange?”

“Arrogant. Condescending. Intelligent. We could do worse.”

Steve had to laugh. “I’m thinking he came through for us time and again. Even if he’s only willing to be a part-timer like T’Challa, that gives us more people, wider range of abilities. Takes the pressure of Nat if we have to have her sit out longer than she cares for.”

“Not disagreeing,” Tony said. “It’s solid. When we get back, have a team meeting, ask for any other suggestions? Then we vet them all and make an offer. Personality conflicts are kind of our thing so… we may be asking for trouble.”

“Pretty much what I was thinking.”

“Look at that, Cap, we’re on the same page. Had to happen eventually.”

With a snort, Steve said, “We got there a few weeks ago, we just didn’t notice.”

“Fair enough.”

“I’ll have my lawyers deal with some of these nuisances, but some of it we’re just going to have to ignore.”

He’d figured. “You sleep all right last night?”

“Yeah, Liho decided she liked me better than Pete. Kept the bad dreams away.” The sardonic note didn’t fool Steve. It was just self-defense. “Sorry about stealing Red the other night.”

“Don’t have to be sorry and you can’t steal anyone who willingly went to make sure you’re alright.”

Tony went quiet for a moment. “Thanks for that. We’re not pushing any real boundaries at the moment, but it was nice to just have her there.”

“Yep, I know the feeling. We all have our moments.”

“So if I ask if Nat can have a sleepover sometime?”

“You should ask her,” Steve told him drily. “I’m not walking into the trap of making her decisions with the sole exception of her safety at the moment and you’ll notice, we asked this time.”

“That I did. Who says old dogs can’t learn new tricks?”

Downing the coffee, Steve shook his head. “We’ll work it out. One step at a time.”

“Thanks,” Tony said, his tone sober and serious. “I know this isn’t what you imagined.”

“Nor you,” Steve reminded him. “You backed off when you could have pushed.”

A sigh. Then… “Before I went looking for her, I spent a few weeks being sour and pissed. Then I was digging at her past, her file, and remembering the shit we’d been through from when she first showed up at Stark Industries to the day she disappeared from the Compound. One of the things I had to admit… she’d always been there for me. Even when I was a raging jackass, she had my back. She protected me. Protected Pepper. Protected all of us really. I was angry with her for letting you two go because I thought she’d played me again and it took me getting out of my own way to see what she’d been trying to tell me.”

Steve said nothing as he listened.

“One of the things I saw when I was going over all those old surveillance recordings and reports from when she took out the security at Hammer to leaping off your shield in New York to whipping through the streets in South Korea on a damn motorcycle and stealing the cradle… Red was a weapon. She was the perfect weapon.”

A muscle in Steve’s jaw ticked at the description.

“The minute that thought crossed my mind, I hated myself. They called me the Merchant of Death, Steve. I know weapons. I know all about them and Red’s the most perfect one and I never want her used that way again. Not by me or anyone else. Because first and foremost she was my friend… yeah, I could have pushed, but that’s not what she needed then. She needed me to have her back the way she’d had mine. She needed me to be there no matter what. She needed me to accept her flaws and all and when you consider all the shit that went down—that’s the least I could do.”

Pacing to the window, Steve stared out at the piles of snow and it was still coming down. The wind had calmed some, but that was a hell of a lot of snow.

“So, when you say I could have fought you? I could have pushed harder? I did push some. I pushed against you, thinking if you didn’t get too comfortable I’d still have a shot but that only hurt her. So however this works out, I’m in and I’m good with it. But bullshit headlines aside, not making this a war between us.”

“Agreed,” Steve said. “You’re good for her. She’s good for you.”

Tony chuckled. “She’s good for all of us when she isn’t taking insane risks and aging me decades.”

Decades.

“Well, we’ll just have to keep reminding her she isn’t expendable anymore.”

“She never was,” Tony said, echoing his own thought.

“Boss, Captain Rogers… Sergeant Barnes and Mr. Parker are heading down to the gym to exercise. Nat has asked for a little time to herself.”

“Thanks, Baby Girl.” 

“Friday, ask Buck and Peter if they want some company…”

“Feeling the need to pound some speed bags?” Tony asked.

“Yes and no. More want to make sure Buck’s doing okay. This is all pretty hard on both of them.” They hadn’t discussed the journal that morning and Steve didn’t think it was his place. If Nat wanted to tell Tony, she would. Except… “Peter gave her some things last night from Will.” Felt like he knew the man after that journal. It was weird. Definitely respected him. “It was a lot. Throw in today and…Nat asked for time. I’ll give it.”

“I’ll check on Red in a bit then.”

“Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes said ‘you are more than welcome to come and have your ass handed to you.’ His words, not mine.”

Tony laughed and Steve grinned. “Let them know I’ll be down in a few and thanks, Friday.”

“See ya in a bit,” Tony said. “Have a good workout and don’t beat each other up too much. We don’t need to provoke Red before dinner again. Too many knives in the kitchen.”

That made Steve laugh. “Noted. And Tony?”

“Yep?”

“Thanks.”

“Anytime, Steve.”

After the ‘call’ ended, Steve glanced at the painting he’d begun. Decades. Nat had lived decades already. Bucky was approaching his hundredth birthday. Steve wasn’t far off his own. Hers might be another ten years off, but… 

Tony was already in his late forties. He wasn’t getting any younger and he didn’t have a serum. Time had taken Peggy. It had taken Will, too. It would eventually take Tony. 

Steve blew out a long breath. Dammit. 

~~~

_ The Morning Show: _

_ “With all the "News" articles out there, I just wanted to put out a gentle reminder to everyone about how well the Avengers are doing as a team. The same night Natasha Romanoff, now Mrs. Stark was seen dancing with Tony Stark, she danced with Steve Rogers. Later on, Captain Rogers and Tony Stark were seen smiling and talking together. (Insert picture) It is possible that they're all just really good friends. One would imagine that being in battle that much with someone would bring you closer together. It's a thought you may want to consider before throwing stones.” _

~~~

**Clint**

After he hung up the phone, he turned and hefted one of the hatchets and then threw it at the target. It flew, twisting through the air only to strike the dead center. Hatchet throwing wasn’t a specialty or particularly challenging, but it did force him to use different muscles and he wanted to keep building the strength back in his arm.

Each time he thought they’d scraped the last of the SHIELD shit off their boots, he found even more of crusting their soles. How the hell had Nick justified knowing her  _ husband _ and her  _ child _ and never telling her? How did you make that call?

Nat had joked once that even Nick’s secrets had secrets. At the time, there had been a measure of respect in her eyes. No way she had been aware those secrets held mysteries she couldn’t fathom. Crossing to the target, he pulled the three hatchets out he’d thrown before resuming his position. One after another, he sent them sailing through the air. Even the satisfying thunk of the axes striking didn’t alleviate the irritation vibrating under his skin.

Twice he reached for his phone and twice he shoved it back in his pocket. He crossed to the axes and tugged them out one at a time. Blowing out a breath, he ignored the vapor. It was damn cold out here but throwing the axes kept him warm. He added another ten feet to his distance, then threw the first one. It hit with a solid thwack a beat before the door to the barn creaked open. Dressed in a heavy jacket, snow boots and a knit cap, Laura stepped inside with a thermos. There was snow on the ground. The sun was out but it didn’t chase away the bitter cold.

“I brought you coffee,” she said. “And an ear.”

The understanding in her eyes had him dropping his chin. “Sorry.”

“It’s all right.” She held the thermos out and he planted the axes into the dirt before he took it and then tugged her in for a kiss. Her cheeks were chilled as was her nose, but everything else was warm. When she wrapped her arms around him, he sighed against her mouth, then kissed a path to her covered ear before settling for just holding her tightly.

“Hey,” she soothed, rubbing her gloved hands against his back. “Is Nat all right?”

“Yeah,” he said and it came out gruffer than he meant it, too. “Just… you know, every time I think this is it, we’ve reached the bottom of the barrel, we find another layer of shit to dig through.”

“What happened? Can you tell me?” She loosened her grip and leaned away before tapping the thermos. “And drink that. You’re freezing.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he murmured, then dropped another kiss on her lips. “Nate asleep?”

“Hmm-hmm. Coop and Lila are watching a movie. So we have a few minutes.”

When she started buttoning up his jacket, he cracked open the thermos and took a drink. It wasn’t quite scalding hot, but it definitely warmed him up. She’d added a touch of whiskey. “I see, you came prepared to loosen my tongue.”

A soft snort. “No, I came to warm you up and make sure you were okay. I saw your face when you went out the door.”

He winced.

“No, none of that. You weren’t keeping anything from me. But something Nat told you upset you. Based on what you just said, it’s something about her? Something she remembered? And before you worry about betraying confidences, just tell me if she’s okay.”

This right here was just another reason why he loved Laura. They’d been talking, more and more. She listened as he confessed to the work he’d done—both in the army and later for SHIELD. The kill missions he’d taken before and after Nat. What happened when SHIELD went down and how he’d gotten out. The fate of that team. All the pieces of the misadventures with Nat, including how she’d saved his life in Budapest. The hardest bits always circled back to Loki or to the lies he’d told to keep Laura and the kids insulated from his life.

Not once when he drained that dark swamp of history had she passed a judgment or made him feel like an ass. She’d listened. More than once she’d cried for him and on a couple of occasions she’d even slapped him upside the head.

It was the best marriage therapy they’d ever gone through and they were doing it on their own. Confiding in her about what happened in Wakanda, about the decisions he’d had to make for Nat and the questions he’d asked himself had kept him sane.

“She’s hurting,” he admitted. “Peter’s there for the weekend—that’s a good thing. But they spent the day looking at photo albums of Mary and her life. And watching videos.”

Laura’s expression tightened. “Oh, God.”

He downed another drink of the coffee before he offered it to her. The heat of the coffee and the whiskey were just right. “She said it hurt—to see what she’d missed. But it also gave her peace because what she gave up gave Mary the life they wanted her to have.”

Tears filmed over Laura’s eyes and he blinked back his own. No part of him could imagine seeing Lila decades later having only just remembered her, but only being able to see those few moments captured in photos or videos. None of his kids. He loved them and he’d missed too much as it was.

He could change it and he was going to change it. A luxury Nat had been  _ denied _ .

“That sounds awful and maybe a little wonderful all at once. Now she  _ knows _ .” Laura wasn’t wrong.

“She does. But last night, Peter gave her back the wedding ring the Fitzpatrick guy gave her and a journal.”

He shifted to sit on the stacked hay he kept on hand for bracing the backboards so nothing went through them. When he offered her the thermos, she took the barest sip before she handed it back. “That sounds ominous.”

“The guy knew she was alive, Laura—he was at SHIELD when I brought her in. Saw some of her intake. Fury knew him. Fury knew him when he signed the kill order. Knew him when I brought her in. Knew… he fucking knew she had a kid. He didn’t tell her.”

“ _ Why? _ ” Horror stamped over her face.

“I don’t know. I get not telling her at first, you know they had to vet her and then there was getting rid of the programming or triggers.” Only they hadn’t done that, Richardson had put more in. He had feelers out to track down that son of a bitch.

Finding hard targets was a specialty he hadn’t dusted off in a while. It was time for that to come out to play.

“Clint… that was  _ years _ she could have had with her daughter. Maybe she wouldn’t have believed them, but one DNA test… so many lies would have been broken or avoided.”

“And SHIELD would have lost her.”

Because if she had a kid. A kid who’d just had a baby? It would have been leverage. Nat then? She’d have made a much colder call.

Maybe.

“Screw SHIELD,” Laura stated. “Did this guy not want her to know? Why didn’t  _ he _ tell her?”

“I don’t know.” Clint shook his head. “I really don’t. Maybe it said in the book. I just… I hate that this keeps happening to her. That she keeps finding out what she’s  _ lost _ .”

“She deserves a win and she’s had some of those, too. She met you for one. She got Bucky back. She has Steve. Peter. Wanda. She has us.”

Glancing at his wife, he cupped her chilled cheek. “She has had good things happen. She’s alive… she found the guys she loved for decades. She’s shacking up with them. She told me she was happy not that long ago… but Laur I’ve never seen her in the kind of pain she’s been in the last few weeks. Especially since she found out about Mary.”

“Well you don’t get over losing your kid, I don’t care how old you are or who you are. Only a soulless bastard would be able to cut that loose and Nat is not that at all. Our crazy Russian has always felt things deeply, but she just hid them really well.”

True.

“Do you need to go?” The urgent question tugged at him and he slanted a look at her. “This has been a lot and you’ve talked to her every day, but maybe she needs you for this.”

“I love you for asking me,” he told her honestly. “And I’ll want to head out eventually—soon as I have a lead on Richardson or Fury. Right now, she’s got Steve, Bucky, and Tony to look after her.”

“They aren’t you,” Laura pointed out.

“No, but she knows where I am. If she needs me, she’ll call.”

For once, he believed it. She’d texted him a few times. Sometimes just a random comment, but he knew what those were. Pulse checks. Reminding themselves the other one was there.

“Laura,” he said, twisting to sit on the hay sideways. “I’ve been wanting to bring this up for a while, never seemed like the right time. Pretty sure the right time doesn’t exist, we just have to make the time.”

“Okay,” she agreed and when she put her hand on the thermos, he surrendered it and waited for her to take her drink but all she did was hold it for him. Her cheeks were a little ruddy from the cold, but her eyes were shiny and clear. She braced herself—waiting for him to say he was going to leave. Or something… how many times had he walked out on her? Eagerly. The mission. SHIELD. The army. Nat.

The Avengers.

“I want to be an Avenger,” he told her. “For a while there, I didn't see the point. Wondered what the hell I brought to the table.”

“I told you they needed you because you were the most human, the most grounded. You were—are good for them.”

“You always were the smarter one,” he reminded her and she laughed.

“You were saying…”

“I want to be an Avenger. I’m not ready to hang up the bow or walk away from any of them. But I’m not walking away from you or the kids. Not again.” He glanced around the barn and then back to her. “This place, it was our sanctuary. It was where I could keep you safe and separate from the world I inhabited. I could vacation here when I came to see you and then I went back to my world.”

The brutal honesty there couldn’t be ignored. Not anymore.

“You put up with me for years…coming and going. Months in between. Sometimes longer. I don’t want to live in two worlds anymore. You belong in my world, you and the kids. Before Christmas—when I was out with Bucky finding that place for Nat. I bought a house.”

Her eyes rounded.

“Big place, lots of room, plenty of land. Good location. We could secure it—been working on putting in measures. It’s close enough to the Compound, I can commute. Then come home to you instead of some room I keep. We’d have to take some specialized measures, I’d want to make sure you and the kids had what you needed…the name could be an issue…”

“Yes.”

“…I figure we look into that. They don’t put me in the papers much anyway. I don’t sell as much as a sexy spy or a soldier out of time or the billionaire. But you’d be there and so would I. Be an adjustment, a change in schools. Different weather. Not a farm per se, so less to do outside…”

“Yes.”

“…but the house is fully renovated and I’ve got the adjustments already going in that we needed for security, but I’d have you walk it through and you pick and choose everything. No more having to live with my half-finished renovations while I’m out on assignment. No more long-term ones. Deep cover isn’t something I have to do with the Avengers…”

“Clint,” Laura said firmly, pressing her fingers to his lips. “Yes.”

He blinked slowly. “Yes?”

She smiled. “Yes.”

“But you haven’t seen it.”

“I don’t care, it could be a shack and as long as it has running water and a clean bathroom, I’m a yes.”

“Just like that?”

“No,” she said softly. “Not just like that. But you’re reaching out and I’m meeting you halfway. I want us, Clint. I want  _ this _ …a life  _ together _ .”

A slow, stupid grin pulled at his mouth and creased his cheeks. “Yes?”

“Yes. When do we move? Do we wait for the kids’ to finish the semester? Go early? We’ll have to find a new dance teacher and Coop still likes sports…”

He cupped her face and kissed her. Laura wrapped her arms around him and he sank into the kiss as she opened to him. His heart surged against his ribs and joy was a punch in the gut. Lifting his head, he stared at her. “Whatever you want, Mrs. Barton.”

“Whatever  _ we _ want, Mr. Barton.”

Yes.

“But Clint…”

“Yeah?”

“We need to do it before too late in the summer.”

“Okay, we can do that. A couple of trips out, I show you the house and you can get a good feel for it. Figure out what you like and we’ll get it going. Then I’ll draft the guys and we’ll pack you up and move you.”

“How many bedrooms?”

“We’ve got plenty, rooms for each of the kids and one for us. A guest room for Nat, though I don’t think she’ll need it as much. We won’t be that far from their place, about an hour, maybe hour and a half. So when they’re up there, we can visit…”

“What about room for a nursery?”

“It’s got a great room for an office…” He paused and blinked. “Nursery?”

The corners of Laura’s lips tilted up. “Nursery.”

He glanced down at her stomach and then back up.

“If you ask me how, I will punch you.”

No. Not how. He was pretty sure he knew  _ when _ as well as how.

“How far along?”

“A few weeks. But I was due right after you left for Wakanda… no period.”

“Are you alright? You just drank the coffee with the whiskey, are you nuts?”

She laughed. “A sip, barely let it touch my lips. I was… I was worried about telling you.”

“Baby, no—never.”

“No, not worried at all…and if it’s a girl, we’re naming her Natasha.”

“Deal.” He kissed her again. “Pregnant? It’s real?”

“I wasn’t on birth control, I didn’t even think about it and… I’d let it run out and I had been so busy. I’m sorry…”

“No no no,” he said, rubbing her arms. “Let’s get you inside. Pregnant… four.”

He exhaled.

“You okay?” Laura braced him as he stared at her.

“Yeah. Holy shit, I’m going to be a dad again.”

“Yep,” she said. “Fresh start. Our world. You, me… and all of us.”

He pressed his hand over her abdomen and then pressed his lips to her forehead. “You have me, Laur. Us. I love you, woman.”

“I know you do,” she whispered. “You have no idea how much I love you.”

“Maybe not, but I plan to spend the rest of my life earning it.”

Another baby.

Clint’s gut clenched and his heart fisted. They could do this.

They were doing this.

They were going to make this work.

Find Richardson, put him in the dirt, go home to his wife and kids.

He could do this.

**Tony**

He lifted the collar of his shirt as he climbed the stairs. The work he’d done hadn’t been particularly grueling. Mostly calculations and formulas for lift, velocity, air resistance, and streamlining. They were all downstairs waiting for Peter and Bucky to give it a once over. The drones had cleaned up most of the scattered debris and he got a working model ready for modifications.

It had been painless, relaxing work even if he repeated steps from earlier to replace the model. At the opening to the living room, he paused. Natasha sat curled up on the sofa, her gaze on the fire and her expression distant. Folding his arms, he leaned against the wall. There was a faint hint of tear stains on her cheeks. The fact he’d never truly seen her cry before the last few weeks drove home just how difficult all of this had been for her.

It wasn’t just the fire holding her attention, he didn’t think. There was a photo propped on the mantle. Mary with Will Fitzpatrick. Her first husband. Despite the fact she called him Natalie’s, Tony didn’t think she was as emotionally distant from that cover as she’d fought to be.

Not anymore at least.

“You can come sit down,” she said softly and he smiled. Of course, she’d noticed he was there. “I’m not going to bite.”

“I thought we agreed you would if I asked,” he teased, going for light as he pushed away from the wall and strolled over to the sofa. When he would have given her some distance, she scooted a little and patted the cushion next to her.

As he sat, she curved and leaned into him and Tony wrapped his arms around her. Okay, he could do this. “You weren’t asking,” she reminded him.

“True,” he said, running his fingers up and down her arm. As soft as her skin was, the muscle was there beneath it. Maybe not as defined at the moment since she’d been taking it relatively easy, but still there. “You mind if I ask how you’re doing?”

“I don’t mind,” she said slowly, then flattened her hand against his chest. Right over his heart. She was always checking his pulse. Always monitoring him. It was one of the many ways she showed how much she cared, even when she should just be worrying about herself.

When she remained silent though, the corner of his mouth kicked up. “How are you doing, Red?”

“It hurts and I’m relieved. She had a good life…she had what I wanted her to have.” But her eyes were shadows as she focused on the fire and Tony sighed.

“Can I do anything?”

“You’re doing it,” she assured him. “A lot of this isn’t fair to you or to Steve…”

“Shut up,” he muttered. “I don’t need fair and I guarantee you Steve doesn’t give a damn about it.”

She laughed, it was a thread one, but still a laugh. “No, he doesn’t. He just wants to be there for us.”

“Well, same deal,” Tony promised. There was a lot going on, a lot of things they had to do and every damn one of them could wait. It was why he wasn’t going back unless they asked him to go. For now, they could extend their honeymoon into infinity if she needed it. “I’m glad you’re getting time with them, time for all of this.”

“I want it and I want to just…” She trailed off.

“You want to do a deep cover to get away from the feelings.” It wasn’t a question.

“Not a good idea right now,” she admitted.

“No,” he agreed. “It’s not. For a lot of different reasons.”

“I can’t walk out on you guys.”

“And we appreciate that.” More than she probably realized.

“How are you doing?”

‘Eh, not so bad. Got the model rebuilt. Worked out some equations. You know, my typical awesomeness.” Sent a message to legal and had Friday light a fire under the PR team. He’d also had Friday put Pepper off again, chances were it was about honeymoon shots to distract the bottom feeders. Tony didn’t have to like the game to know how it was played.

“No more bad dreams?”

A couple but he’d jerked awake himself without spending too much time there. “Nothing I couldn’t handle. Nothing like the other night. Liho’s apparently good luck for me.”

The cat stared at him from where she’d settled on the hearth, pausing mid-lick of her paw as if to contradict him. But she resumed without much of a wait.

“How about you?” He eyed her. She had the super-twins in there if she had nightmares. They got to look after her, but he still wanted to be there if he could.

“The dreams aren’t the bad part…” She picked off an imaginary piece of lint. “When I close my eyes I see then—the good parts of then. When I wake up… I’m here. Then I feel guilty because I resent waking up and at the same time, I am grateful.”

She shook her head.

“I keep telling them I’m a mess. But I can’t get out of my own head at the moment and I’m not going anywhere until the triggers are dealt with…”

“It’s not a cage, Red,” he promised. “I swear it’s not.”

“I know it’s not. If it was, I’d put myself in it. I won’t be used as a weapon against any of you if I can help it. Though, logic has to question why Richardson did it and then just walked away. Is he dead? Is he waiting for something? Why do it?”

“All good questions. Personally, I’m down with just writing his obituary.” Some people just needed to go. “But answers are good, too.”

She smiled and tilted her head back to look at him. “I’m going to see Stephen.”

“When?”

“I was going to wait until Peter went back, but it sounds like school is going to be closed a bit longer.”

“Okay. The weather won’t prevent him from sending a portal.” Tony grimaced. “You’re not planning on company, are you?”

“You’re not invited. None of you are. I can ask him, but this would be going to his place.”

And the wizard had only invited Natasha.

“You talk to Steve and Bucky about this?”

She shook her head. “No, I was waiting and there is…” Another sigh. “There is so much we’re dealing with. Admittedly, I was going to bring it up after Peter left.”

“We’re not telling him, Red, I promise.”

“I know. You don’t have to tell me.”

“But it’s still good for you to hear.” Making those triggers a need to know was a no brainer.

“Yes. Thank you.” She pressed her head back to his shoulder and Tony tightened his arms around her.

“Give me something to do for you, Red. It’s killing me that I can’t fix this on some level.”

“I don’t think any of us can  _ fix  _ it. I just have to push through, get to the other side. It might take a while, the water’s deep and it’s cold. But I can do it.”

No doubt existed within him. “What’s on the other side?”

“You,” she said quietly. “Steve. James. The Avengers. You’re all there. I’ll get there again and I’ll be the one kicking ass and taking names.”

He chuckled. “You can take names without kicking a single ass.”

“True,” she admitted with just a hint of smugness. “It takes talent to let people convince themselves to tell me what I want to know.”

“Yes it does, a special brand of ‘Red Spy Whammy’ which I plan to trademark for you, then you’ll be able to reap the considerable profits.”

Natasha burst out laughing, a real one. Exactly what he’d been hoping for. “I reap considerable enough profits, Stark,” she said with a playful thump to his shoulder as she sat up. There was a glimmer of light amidst those surging shadows. “I even own interest in Stark Industries.”

“Well, yeah that came in the prenup,” he told her gamely and her expression shifted. The blink of surprise floored him. “You didn’t look at the prenup, did you?”

“Not really, no. I haven’t even talked to Isaiah yet, though that will definitely have to be done at some point. I made provisions for Peter. I need to update them…”

“I have provisions for Peter,” Tony assured her. “Steve and Bucky are making provisions for him. Peter is going to be fine. So if you weren’t talking about the stocks that came as part of the prenup…what were you talking about?”

“Isaiah invests my money… well, he used to just route to the trusts that I had set up. But with me working less and taking fewer high-yield jobs particularly in light of the growing notoriety, I had him spread out my investments and increase the portfolio.”

“He bought Stark,” Tony said, feeling more than a little smug himself.

“Yes, he increased my holdings in Stark stock, though I had some from before.”

It was his turn to be surprised. “You invested in my company, Red?”

“Always bet on a winner,” she said, bracing her head against her hand as she sat sideways and stretched her legs over his lap. He covered her knee and grinned. “Besides, it gave me a legitimate reason to go to the open board meetings and keep an eye on things.”

“There you go, watching my back.”

“Someone had to,” she said. “You suck at it.”

He snorted, but he didn’t argue. “You never walked away, even when I reeked.”

“No,” she said. “But I don’t see you running from me right now, either. You wouldn’t even go away when I told you it was better than following me into Russia.”

“Yep,” he said. “Not going anywhere, Red.”

She reached over and cupped his cheek and he leaned into the contact. “Is there a pony in that prenup?”

It was Tony’s turn to laugh. “Don’t worry, Red, I got your pony needs covered.”

Chuckling, she pressed a kiss to his lips. It was just the lightest of touches and he sighed gently but didn’t press for more. As much as he would love to just wrap her up and play for hours, he was more than content to move as glacially slow as necessary. Healing first.

When she leaned into the kiss, he opened his mouth to her and sighed as she teased at his tongue. It wasn’t about passion so much as intimacy. Tony savored the taste and the feel of her as he followed her lead. Cross-eyed orgasms were great, don’t get him wrong and he fully intended to explore those possibilities. But there was a peace that came from being around Natasha that he’d never experienced anywhere else and he wanted to treasure this warmth.

More, he wanted to explore it and savor each nuance. The desire to take it apart so he could understand the how and why of each and every layer existed, too. Yet, all he did was nibble her tongue and then bite gently at her lower lip and she grinned.

“I’m not the only one who bites.”

“Nope,” he told her cheerfully. “I’m definitely not opposed.”

Natasha traced his lower lip with her thumb. “No, you like to live dangerously.”

“Guilty.” With a little sigh, she curled up against him again and he rested his cheek against her hair. “You’re tired,” he continued.

“Drained.”

“Take a nap,” he said, shifting so he could lie back and pillow his head against the arm of the sofa. It was a lot like when she’d bundled against him on the sofa at the Tower, only she didn’t need to be wrapped in the blanket.

“Not long,” she murmured. “We still need to do dinner tonight.”

“We’ll take care of that,” Tony said. “You get to be pampered tonight. You and Bucky both.” The man was probably as exhausted as she was. “Just go to sleep.” He dragged the blanket from the back of the sofa over her. The fire was still burning but it would need some wood soon.

“What are you going to do?” she yawned.

“I’m going to plan a surprise.”

“Hmm,” she pressed her face right into the crook of his neck and the soft huffs of her breathing tickled. “What surprise?”

“Well, if I tell you, it’s not a surprise.”

“Ah, so I have to spy whammy it out of you.”

He chuckled. Calling it spy whammy was fun, but having her do it was just delightful. “You can try, but I’ll be a much tougher nut to crack.”

“Sounds like fun,” she admitted.

“Maybe,” he whispered, then stroked her back. “Now go to sleep.” But he didn’t have to encourage her much, her breathing evened right out and he sighed. “Baby Girl?”

“I’ll let them know, Boss. Captain Rogers said he’d take care of dinner and they’ll keep it quiet on their way back up.”

“Thanks. Nudge me in an hour if I sleep. I don’t want her to be up all night.”

“You got it.”

Liho lept from the floor to the arm of the sofa, to pad across Natasha’s back until she settled half on his chest and half on Natasha.

The cat’s motorboat purr fired up and he chuckled. Despite the volume and the vibration, he closed his eyes and dozed. 

**Bucky**

After the workout, Bucky wanted a shower. He let Steve go first because Steve planned on making dinner. They’d paused in the living room to check on Natalia but she was sound asleep and for that, he was grateful. The last twenty-four hours had been nearly as painful as when they learned Mary had died and yet—there was an ineffable joy.

Not once had Bucky questioned what Natalia had to have done before she came for him. Mary had been their world. No, she would never have left Mary anywhere except as safe as she could make her. When they reached the top of the stairs, Peter asked if they minded if he called Wanda and talked for a bit.

He was feeling a bit raw, too. He’d talked more about Mary today than he had in years and he said it was good, but it was also sad.

Bucky understood that.

Now, standing alone in the room he shared with Steve and Natalia, Bucky stared out at the snowy landscape. It was still falling. Cold. Pristine. Desolate. Yet beautiful.

He’d gotten to know Will Fitzpatrick over the last twenty-four hours. Gained some insight into the man who’d captured Natalia’s attention enough for her to trust him with something so precious. She wasn’t sure about her feelings, Bucky held no such illusions.

Love had found her. If she’d stayed, she’d have been well-cared for by someone who clearly had the intelligence and determination to love her as she deserved.

He’d loved her long past when he’d thought she died. Loved her even after he discovered at least a piece of the truth.

“Buck?”

“I’m all right, Stevie,” he said, wiping away the tears on his face. “Just tired.”

“You’re not alright.”

No, he really wasn’t.

“It’s alright to not be alright.”

He snorted a half-laugh. “Thanks.”

Steve gripped his shoulder. “I wish I could do something.”

“It’s better,” he said, not looking away from the window. “As much as I wanted to hate that man—I can’t.”

“He loved her,” Steve echoed his earlier thoughts. “He loved both of them. But he didn’t take your place.”

“No, he made his own. The one we needed him to make.” In this, he united with Natalia’s decision. She’d done what was best for Mary and it had been. “He was a good father to her. A good parent. Did all the things Natalia wanted for her, made sure she was loved, accepted, encouraged…”

“I’m glad.” The quiet certainty in Steve’s voice helped.

Bucky shot him a look and grimaced as the tears kept coming. “She was beautiful Stevie. So smart…thank God she got her mother’s brains. You could see it in every clever smile. Now—I see her in Peter. More.”

“How’s he doing?”

“It’s rough. But he didn’t shy away from any of it. He seemed just as curious as we were. Still….that was his mother.”

They’d both loved their mothers.

Bucky still missed his and they both missed Aunt Sarah.

“I know one thing for damn certain though,” he admitted, swiping at his face once more.

“What’s that?”

“I don’t feel an ounce of damn guilt for putting three bullets in Fury.”

The corner of Steve’s mouth kicked up. “You know… I can’t say I blame you there.”

Still, Bucky didn’t move away and Steve didn’t let him go. “I need a minute.”

“Take all the time you need,” Steve told him. “Not going anywhere and Tony’s got Nat safe and sound. Peter’s a couple of doors over.”

Bowing his head, Bucky nodded. He’d cried with Natalia plenty. Usually while holding her crying. But this wasn’t like those tears. This was just—a tangle of regret, pride, loss, gratitude, and anger.

Real anger at the people around them who got in the way of Natalia finding Mary again.

Maybe… just maybe if she had. Maybe Mary would still be alive.

Maybe Mary would be with them right now.

He’d have his whole family.

Instead, they had to find a way to stitch the hole her loss had left.

“Peter’s mine,” Bucky said quietly. Even knowing the kid was Mary’s hadn’t really settled in until today. “Crazy, impulsive, headstrong little spider punk. Reminds me of you.”

Steve chuckled. “Thank you.”

“Don’t be a punk,” Bucky groused at him and gave him a gentle shove. It was enough to settle him and Steve dropped his grip on his shoulder. “He reminds me of a younger Natalia, too.”

“You know—I have a hard time picturing her as impulsive.”

The corners of Bucky’s lips tipped up. “I could tell you stories.”

“I’d love to hear them.”

“Not now,” Bucky said as he finally turned away and scrubbed his right hand over his face. “Now, I’m going to wash the stink of sweat off and change. Then go downstairs and kiss her awake. Tonight, we keep it light. Low stress. See if we can make her laugh. Maybe drink. A lot.”

“So, no video games?” Steve called as Bucky headed into the bathroom.

Twisting, Bucky grinned at him. “Those aren’t stressful for us, Stevie.”

“Oh.” Steve gaped at him a beat. “Jerk.” Then grinned. “The mead’s still up here. We’ll have it for later.”

“Good plan.” He left Steve to finish getting dressed and Bucky turned on the shower before he began to strip off his sweaty workout clothes. Sparring with Peter had been good. With Steve had been better, Steve had let him work out some of the aggression and then spent time working with Peter before they did a three-way brawl.

Ducking under the water, he closed his eyes and braced his hands against the wall. The grief was there. He’d been carrying it for months—the loss of Mary. It was deeper now, more settled in his bones and yet still razor-sharp enough to cut. She’d had a  _ good _ life.

“Sweet tsarevna, rest easy,” he murmured the prayer “I wish I had been there more. Wish we had both been there. I’m glad you had Will. I’m glad he was a good father to you and that he was a good man. Thank you for surviving, for thriving. We miss you, but we’ll look after your boy though. You have our word. You were loved,” he whispered the last. “Loved as best as we could.”

Lifting his head, he straightened his shoulders back and stared upward. He wasn’t sure he really believed in God or his angels anymore, but on the off chance they were up there, he added, “God keep you and yours safe. May He give you the peace and love you deserve.”

The spray washed away the fresh tears and by the time he’d scrubbed the sweat and debris away, his eyes were dry and his sinuses clear. When he got downstairs, he found a drowsy Natalia sitting by the fire with a cup of tea in hand and a lazy cat sprawled on the stone next to her.

When her gaze lifted to meet his, the rest of him settled. This was how he survived it all.

The woman sitting right there. For her, he could endure.

Laughter erupted from the kitchen. Steve and Tony’s voices lifting as they razzed on each other while Peter cracked up.

Natalia’s expression softened with a smile and Bucky raised his eyebrows.

“Sem’ya,” she answered his silent question and he grinned.

“Crap!” Peter yelped and there was a crash from the kitchen. “Okay, sorry, that didn’t work the way I thought it would.”

More laughter washed out and Bucky didn’t look away from Natalia.

His hero.

When she patted the stone next to her, he crossed the room to sit and lean back. The heat from the fire washed over him, but he was already warm. 


	18. Shiney Happy People

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovery comes in stages. Some of them are restless. Some of them are frustrating. And some are silly. Laughter might soothe the best.

**Chapter Eighteen**

_ Shiny Happy People _

**Natalia/Natasha**

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Natalia mused aloud as Tony tinkered with the background again. The interior of the holo-shed had been transformed to look like his chalet—sort of. The proportions were off. The shadows hit the wrong angles beyond the windows. Honestly, if anyone used trajectories from these pictures, they weren’t going to find the place.

Not a bad thing in her opinion.

Still…

Impatience itched at the back of mind like newly grown skin on a healing injury. The last three days had been full of laughter, tears, and a growing restlessness not limited to her. Steve and James had taken to snowshoe running to get the edge off. They’d dragged Peter with them when he’d literally started climbing the walls.

The guys had nailed down most of their design for the flying car, even perfecting the model the day before. They needed to go back to the Tower for more equipment to begin modifying a real one. Steve had finished two paintings, including the one of James. He’d given her that one the night before and James had given her a sidelong look when she said she wanted to hang it downstairs but only if he was all right with it.

It was his life after all.

He’d hung it for her himself and she paused in front of it every time she passed it. Steve had captured her Soldier’s essence, even asking her to help him with the eyes because he couldn’t quite balance what she saw versus what he had on the streets of D.C.

But it was perfect.

For the most part, Natalia had rested. She’d gone back through the photo albums one night. James found her down there and pulled her into his lap so they could look at them together. They’d cried until the tears had just stopped.

Her eyes burned but the gaping wound had scabbed over. She didn’t want to pick at it too much. The storm had dumped an unprecedented seven feet of snow on the tri-state area. It was a virtual gridlock, but it had finally stopped falling. Schools weren’t likely to open this week.

May was still at the hospital. Peter had checked in with her daily and Natalia had taken the time to speak to her as well. The only question she’d asked was did they mind having Peter with them for their honeymoon and she’d assured May, Peter was welcome. Though she and Tony weren’t supposed to be in the States, their honeymoon destination hadn’t been released and May promised her lips were sealed.

Then she asked if she was invited to the party.

That kicked off a host of conversations, not the least of which was Steve and James’ near kneejerk reactions to not only no, but hell no to a huge reception. Unfortunately, even before Tony said it, Natalia had already gotten there.

Tony Stark got married without fanfare. If they continued this particular charade they had to do it in Tony Stark fashion. That meant a big party. A party to show off the marriage to all and sundry.

The five-hour debate on logistics and security had nearly devolved into a shouting match. Though, she’d given Steve and Tony their due—they’d only argued about the necessity of the party, not the security. The big trick was to get ready for the public, which meant dealing with the triggers.

That debate had to wait for Peter to go call Wanda. Every night, he called her and they spoke, sometimes for a few minutes and more often for an hour at least. He texted the other girls, but Wanda he wanted to speak to.

James asked her what she thought and she’d only said they could watch, and advise, but it was too soon to interfere. Talking to Wanda made Peter happy, his mood elevated after every conversation and she’d noticed a distinctive plummet when the calls had to be cut short.

While he was on the phone, she discussed her upcoming visit with Stephen. By request and because she didn’t want a long absence to lie to Peter about, they were waiting only for him to be able to go home. None of them liked the idea of her going alone, but they didn’t argue that it was because they couldn’t trust Stephen.

_ She _ trusted Stephen. Natasha had trusted him before and Natalia didn’t disagree with any of the sentiments. Even as she cobbled her sense of self together more and more, the divisions remained vividly obvious to  _ her _ .

Another vessel had gone missing in Thailand, this one a luxury yacht. That escalated the situation. Natalia had asked Stephen to give Rhodey and Sam a hand as they traveled to the region to investigate. Sharon remained in New York to coordinate, but Wanda had gone as well.

Peter had been irked, it was why he hadn’t been able to speak to her the night before for longer than a few minutes. Though at the moment, he was parked on a crate that was covered by a replica of a table that had been in the sitting room of the chalet busily texting on his phone.

“Can’t believe I want it to look right?” Tony asked. “Or can’t believe we’re doing the photos?”

“The first is your perfectionist tendencies coming out to play. I like that about you.”

He almost preened.

“The second reminds me that this is overkill when we can do one photo and release that and it doesn’t need all the bells and whistles.” Honeymoon photos. Unfortunately, the storm had trapped so many people in their homes and dominated the news cycles leaving bored speculation and gossip to run rampant. The fact competing stories suggested everything from she and Tony were not actually married and that it was a smokescreen to cover up her death to she’d already abandoned him and run away with Steve though there were plenty of stories that suggested she’d broken both their hearts like the Black Widow she was.

It was all very tiring. Eventually, she would be amused. Eventually. At the moment, she didn’t care what the public thought except it was arguably damaging to the Avengers and distracting from other issues, which meant they needed to address it.

“One photo won’t cut it, they are going to want options.”

“Then we do an exclusive, give it to one outlet, they get to control the story and they get the photo.”

Tony frowned, then eyed her. “Red, if you don’t want to do it, we can just blow them off.”

She shook her head. “No, it’s fine.” It wasn’t, not really. She understood the necessity. Mostly. “This just feels like one of the more ridiculous things I’ve ever done.” Mostly because she was dressed in pseudo ski gear and they were going to do a photo in front of the fire and one on the ‘slopes.’ Friday offered up a couple of candids from their date night, but Tony had rejected sharing those immediately.

They were private and he hadn’t wanted to get those out there. While they might have jetted to a tropical location to get ‘married,’ they would in no way have tans when they got back so that meant the honeymoon was somewhere colder.

James chuckled as he settled his hands on her shoulders. They’d been in the shed for a couple of hours, tweaking the programming every time Tony or Steve noticed something  _ off _ . Honestly, she thought they wanted to just play with the technology. Steve, in particular, seemed to enjoy finding the subtle things and pointing out the break to Tony.

The third time he’d done it, she was certain he’d begun to look for them on purpose because Tony grew even more exasperated as he’d make some modifications then begin the build over. With gentle thumbs, James worked at the tension knotting her shoulders.

The restlessness was getting worse. She’d already begun back-tracking Mary and Richard’s steps leading up to their deaths with Friday’s profiles. James settled at her side every time she went to work on it, but they kept it circumspect and away from Peter.

He still didn’t know they’d worked for the agency. If he’d read more of Will’s journal, he might have found out. How that book evaded the scrubbers that had to have sanitized their things she didn’t know.

Another question for the column.

“C’mon Red, I get that it’s not posing in your lingerie on white fur.”

She rolled her eyes. “Clint took those and it took us less than thirty minutes. Not to mention, it was for work.”

“And you really made it work for you,” he said, giving her a playful leer.

“Ugh,” Peter yelped. “T.M.I. people. T.M.I.”

James’ soft huff of laughter sounded behind her and Tony gave Peter a speculative look.

“Nothing wrong with her being beautiful.”

“Everything wrong with you talking about her in skimpy photos.” Then Peter turned his scowl on her. “Did you really have to do  _ that _ for work?”

Tony hid a smirk as he seemed to avoid the wrath of Peter.

It was rather adorable.

“Ah, malen’kiy pauk. I had to build a cover to entice the audience. Unfortunately, that was how you got Tony’s attention in those days.” She cheerfully tossed him right back into the fire.

“Wow, Red…” Tony faced her, arms akimbo as Steve didn’t bother to contain his laughter nor did James.

“Yeah,” Peter said slowly, squinting at Tony. “He’s grown up a lot since then, right?”

“Hey!” Now Tony focused on Peter and the corner’s of Natalia’s mouth twitched. “I resent that remark.”

“Translation,” James said. “He has not grown up.”

Tony opened his mouth to retaliate and Steve said, “Hey Tony, looks like the sky on the horizon is glitching. It’s got that bent look to it.”

Pivoting, Tony stared in the distance. “Dammit. Baby Girl, let’s walk back that last change and massage it in line by line so we don’t pull the horizon off-center.”

Natalia flicked a look at Steve who wore a delighted grin and raised her eyebrows. A bare hint of red touched his ears and he spread his hands. Shaking her head, she leaned back against James. “Tony…”

“One sec, Red. I’m going to make this perfect.”

“You do know that won’t have to be  _ in _ the pictures right? I mean they want to see us not where we are.”

She swore Steve almost pouted when she did that. Yes, she was a mean Natalia, raining on his fun.

Peter snickered. “But he wants multiple angles. That’s why we brought Bucky’s badass drone that now flies.”

There was an absent, “Language,” from Tony that even had Steve chuckling.

Natalia tipped her head back. “Modifying were you, zvezda moya?”

“Da,” he said. “It was fun.”

He dipped his head down to give her a kiss even as Peter let out a groan. But the complaints were more for show than anything else, she’d caught his happy little smiles when he thought they weren’t looking. Natalia sighed into the kiss as James caressed her cheek.

“Ahem,” Tony said. “I do believe these are  _ my _ honeymoon photos.”

“You’re taking way too long,” James informed him, barely lifting his mouth from hers. “On a honeymoon, you pay attention to the bride, not the scenery.”

Peter gagged and that just set them all off laughing.

Still, Natalia stole another kiss from James and whispered, “Very nice.”

“Thank you,” he said, then winked.

The playfulness eased some of the restlessness vibrating beneath her skin. Another three days and she could go back to the gym. She’d be two weeks past cryo. She’d already gotten her dancing up to over an hour a session without agony and she was dancing more.

A fact they’d all been monitoring, including Friday.

“All right,” Tony said. “I have it. Surrender Red.”

“Nope,” James said. “All mine now, you took too long.”

“Fine, let’s negotiate so I can borrow her for a bit and we can get this done.”

Natalia arched her brows as James glanced from her to Tony. “What are you offering?”

“Well, it won’t be a pony—that’s what Red wants.”

She snickered.

“So, what do you want?”

“Wait a sec,” Steve said. “Hold on. You should be negotiating with both of us.”

“Possession is nine-tenths of the law, Stevie.” James wrapped his arms around her. “I have her, and you’re over there, so no, he negotiates with me.”

“Yeah okay, I’m going back to texting Liz because it’s much safer there.”

Slanting a look at Peter, Natalia chuckled. “How is Liz?”

“She’s good.” His neck turned red. “Missing me. Bored. Everyone is so bored being stuck inside. But Ned and Flash have a good game going, I might go in and play with them later. I haven’t as much as they’ve asked.”

“I’m sure we have something that will let you play if you want,” Natalia assured him.”

“Fine, but if you let her go and I get there first he has to negotiate with me.” Steve and James were in a fine mood today. The steady ration of shit they gave each other had been widened to include Tony.

“Well, let’s get to the negotiating then, Barnes.” Tony folded his arms. “What do you want?”

“I have what I want. You have to persuade me to share.”

Though his gaze focused on his phone, Peter snickered. He wasn’t ignoring them as much as pretending to ignore them.

“First one to drive the flying car,” Tony said. “From alpha to beta testing. All yours.”

James paused as Steve’s eyebrows climbed.

“That’s a generous offer,” James mused, then pressed his lips to her ear. “What do you think, Doll?”

“I think you’re both idiots,” she told him drolly.

Chuckling, James gave her a squeeze. “Fair enough.”

When he let her go, she rose and hooked a finger through the thermos of hot cocoa she’d made to bring out here. The shed had not been as warm as it had been for the night of their date, but over the last couple of hours, the heat had definitely made a difference. She shrugged out of her jacket, transferring thermos as she slid one arm free. James caught the jacket and tugged it the rest of the way off.

“The suspenders are a nice touch,” Tony complimented her. She was wearing a red and black ski set with a long-sleeved white, insulated shirt. Her ski-boots were actually sloppily parked next to the holographic door. Thick, fuzzy uggs were on her feet. The black and red ski pants boasted a fitted waist, but also the suspenders which she thought were kind of cute.

Still, she scratched her nose with her middle finger and Tony laughed. He was dressed similarly, though more red and gold. Branding.

He didn’t even have to say it, he did it. The fact they had to make such a production of these pictures irked her. Not because they had to do them. Not really. Honestly, she had done worse for a whole lot less reason. More because Tony was actively stressing about it. Part of why Steve had been winding him up and James had started to tease him.

“C’mon, Shellhead. Let’s have cocoa for some pictures.”

“Okay, that’s not fair,” Peter called. “I thought the cocoa was for all of us.”

“I’ll make more later, malen’kiy pauk.” She’d made this after Tony gritted out the photo idea over breakfast. The pinched look at the corners of his eyes even as he tried to play it off as a lark told her it bugged her more than he wanted to admit.

Her earlier complaints had been about riling him into biting comments. At least then he’d be less stressed about the work and more focused on one-upping. It was taking all of them to get him there.

Steve lifted his chin to her as she slid off the uggs and settled on the rug in front of the fire. At least it was warm. One of the heaters had to be back there. They’d set mugs there a couple of hours earlier when they’d first got out here and she thought they were actually gonna take some time in the snow  _ after _ . The fact James—or James via Friday—had arranged for snowshoes for all of them opened up possibilities.

Actively getting outside, biting cold or not, had also been refreshing. But something needed to give.

“Hang on, Red,” Tony said as he squinted at something. Twisting, she followed his line of sight to the wall. It was a shade off-color from what he had in the chalet.

“Tony,” she said softly. “Leave it. Come sit and have cocoa, no one has to take a picture of that wall. Once we do these, we have to change the setting.”

He grimaced. “Your one picture idea is starting to sound better and better.”

“Happy wife,” Steve called. “Happy life.”

The fact Steve could even tease at all had her lips twitching. He and James had both disliked the way the marriage had gone down, but over the last few days—they’d all just decided to roll with it.

“Wow, thank you for that fortune cookie wisdom,” Tony snarked. “That would never have occurred to me.”

“Clearly,” James said, arms folded. “Or she wouldn’t still be waiting.”

Tony flipped him off and Natalia laughed. Some of the tension in him seemed to drain away as he mock scowled at her.

“You’re supposed to be on my side,” he said.

“I would be if you sat your ass down next to me,” she retorted and locked her gaze on him. “C’mon. I won’t bite. Not even if you ask.”

“Gross,” Peter tossed out.

Ignoring him, Tony sat down and then flopped until his head was in her lap. “Better?”

“Well,” she said drily. “It’s an improvement. Course you look like I’ve completely worn you out.”

That earned her a smile and a hint of a twinkle in his eyes as Peter made gagging noises. “I get why people don’t take their kids on honeymoons. The soundtrack is all wrong.”

She wouldn’t know. After Will’s proposal, they’d moved with alacrity and she and Mary were living with him within days. They’d had that long weekend away and then it was the three of them.

“Thank you!” Peter said. “Plus, I didn’t even get to go to the bachelor party.”

“You wouldn’t have been invited, Kid,” Tony said flatly. “Bachelor parties are full of hinky behavior, drinking, and strippers.”

Natalia lifted a brow. “I better have been invited.”

The fact that earned a real grin made Peter’s choked laughter worth it. Even James snorted.

“Red, you’re invited anywhere you wanna go.” Tony blew out a breath. “Okay. This works for a honeymoon shot? Yeah? Me lounging, the little wife looking after me all obedient and caring?”

Actual devilment filled his eyes so it made it worth it to her to pinch him hard enough he yelped and tumbled away.

“Yes, dear,” she said with a smile. 

“Mean,” he pouted.

“I can be,” she reminded him. Steve had already covered his mouth but made no attempt to stifle his laughter.

“Fine,” Tony spread his arms dramatically. “Let’s do this.” He held out his hand for the thermos. “If you would be so kind, my darling sweet love?”

“Now you want to make me gag.”

That had Peter guffawing and James just shook his head.

Something loosened in her and even the itch under her skin eased as laughter filtered through the shed. Peter wasn’t looking at his phone anymore, he was staring at them with a wide grin. James’ eyes had softened around the edges and mirth filtered through the pale blue. Steve?

He just laughed.

Better. They were all restless in their own ways. Restless and a little overwrought and raw. The laughter  _ felt _ good.

Tony filled the mugs with the still-hot cocoa—thankfully the thermoses were reinforced and great for heat conservation—he passed her a mug and then settled on the hearth next to her. “Cheers?” He suggested as he held the mug out and grinned at her.

That was better still. She tapped her mug to his and then took a sip as he took a deeper drink. More the tension eased out of his shoulders. “We ready to do this then?”

“Yeah,” he said and glanced toward Steve and James. “We have the camera set up on the drone.”

“And I have mine,” Peter said, waving one of the cameras she’d gotten him for Christmas After the photo albums, he’d said the digital photos were great, but he wanted to put together one of those albums for them. That had been a bittersweet moment. A confession elicited late one night while she and he watched a movie in his room. He’d claimed Mom time, but it was also more for talking than the movie.

_ “I’m going to get pictures with May and pictures with you. Stuff like everyday things and stuff that’s special. Not just the occasional images, but the real day to day stuff. I never realized how precious that type of thing is.” _

_ “No,” she’d told him. “Too often, we’re hurrying forward. There’s always a distraction.” Another mission. Survival took precedence over savoring. That and the fact she’d lived so many lives and none of them had been allowed to leave much of a footprint. _

_ “I like the photos on the wall downstairs,” Peter said. “And those.” He nodded to the ones on the dresser. “I know we have to be careful but I still want to have a ton.” _

_ She’d shifted and pulled out her phone, then turned it to selfie mode and dragged him closer to her with an arm around his neck. He made a face and she stuck her tongue out and then snapped the image. His laughter made her grin. “Friday does that have good enough resolution to print?” _

_ “It does, Nat,” Friday said. “Would you like to do a couple more and I can put together a triptych?” _

_ So they had. They even got Liho in one and the cloak, too. They did one with rabbit ears on each other. _

_ “Thanks, Mom,” Peter murmured before kissing her cheek. “You get it.” _

_ “Yes, malen’kiy pauk, I do.” _

__

“You know, if you put your arm around her it would be better,” Steve commented when they were on the third round of  _ casual _ photos. They’d left the fireplace shots and moved to one that had them looking out over the ‘snowy landscape.” Natalia had changed out of her snow gear and wore leggings and Steve’s  _ Iron Man is My Hero  _ shirt. She’d rolled her eyes but tugged her hair up into a loose ponytail. They were going for casual.

Though, she should have saved her eye rolls for Tony’s shirt with its  _ Property of Black Widow _ stamped on the back. Tony’s smirk, however, was worth it so she let it slide.

“You need to shift to his other side, Natalia,” James said. “The lack of ring shows.” That was another thing they’d noticed. The only actual wedding ring currently in their possession—well one of two—was Natalie’s and it remained tucked in the velvet pouch and it, along with the journal, were secured in a safe in the armory. They weren’t taking any chances with Peter stumbling over data.

He was too curious by half and far too clever.

Natalia wouldn’t use James’ ring for this either, it remained where it belonged on her right hand. When he made the offer, albeit reluctantly earlier, she’d turned it down flat and the gratitude that flashed in his eyes made her want to slug him and kiss him at the same time. No, she wouldn’t do that to him. So far, they’d either used the mug to cover it or she had her hand behind him. Once Tony had curled his fingers over hers.

For someone used to the cameras, these posed casual shots were really getting to him. Leaning close, she whispered against his ear, “You know, it’s just us, you can relax. Even if a picture isn’t perfect, it’s still of us. We can pick and choose what we release.”

Tony slanted a look at her. “It’s not that,” he admitted. “Well, it is that, but it’s—this feels intrusive.”

Studying him, Natalia tapped her finger against her lips. “It is,” she admitted. “But it’s only as intrusive as we allow it to be.”

“Probably weird when you consider how often my naked ass showed up on YouTube, huh?” he admitted with a grimace.

Peter groaned. Unfortunately, even talking low, he along with James and Steve could hear just fine. Catching James’ eye, Natalia nodded to Peter and he lifted his chin before clapping Peter on the shoulder and drawing him away. Steve tracked after them. Tony noticed the movements and he sighed.

“It’s all right, Red,” he told her. “I’m just being a drama queen.”

“Maybe, but this is upsetting you.” Folding her arms, she leaned a hip against the faux window. “Talk to me.”

“You have enough on your plate.”

“Don’t make me pinch you again.”

“So mean.”

She just raised her brows and waited.

“Fine,” he said with a sigh. “This…this is the kind of thing I used to do for real. Let the press take whatever pictures they want. The raunchier the better. Me surrounded by the ladies? Natch. My naked, drunk ass hanging out of a car window as I mooned the White House on my way by? All the better.” He shook his head. “This is personal. I don’t want to use you this way.”

“You’re not.”

He blinked. “But…”

“Tony,” she said, silencing him. “You aren’t using me. If anything, I’m using you.” Lifting her shoulders, she shrugged. “We wouldn’t be in this position if I wasn’t who I am and had my history. The ‘marriage’ was all about covering my ass, not yours.”

Mouth open, he hesitated and then snapped it shut again. The constricted pupils in his dark eyes relaxed a fraction.

“I would never want to use you this way either,” she promised him. “I’ve done my share of cover shoots. It feels intrusive because you feel like you have to be us and you don’t want to share us.”

“No,” he said quietly. “I don’t. It’s no one’s business.”

“Then, I propose…” She picked the word deliberately and it resurrected his smirk, albeit faint, but it was still there. “We get back in our gear, call this a wrap and pick out our favorites of the photos we’ve taken and head back to the house for real food and real fun and the real us—the all of us.”

“One photo is a lot more valuable than a spread,” he said, finally conceding the point and there was relief in his eyes. “Just so you know, I love the idea of showing you off—but that’s for us, not for them.”

“I know,” she said. “I’ve seen the clothes you put in my closet.”

The smirk grew more genuine. “I might have gotten a few more.”

That so did not surprise her.

“You know, for when you’re feeling better.”

“That’s so very you,” she murmured and pressed her hand to his chest. For the first time that day, his heart wasn’t a racing mess. The faint flush from whenever he got a little too stressed had also diminished. The tension around his eyes was gone and his breathing relaxed.

“But you like that about me or you wouldn’t have let me get away with it all these years.”

She grinned. “I seem to recall reorganizing your closet and stealing your AC/DC shirt.”

“I have a vague recollection, though retaliation is in no way, not allowing me to spoil you.”

“It’s all fun and games until someone loses their underwear.”

He snorted. “I’d just go commando.”

“And have,” she pointed out and he grinned.

“True,” he admitted. “Yet, you still like me.”

“So I hear.”

“What is wrong with you?” he teased.

“So much,” she countered and his eyes flashed but she hooked her arms around his neck. “Think I should get help?”

“Let me think about that,” he said, his gaze dipping to her mouth a split second before he pressed his lips to hers. The slow, soft massage of his mouth had her pushing up on her toes as she teased her tongue against the seam of his lips. When they parted for her, she grinned into the kiss and he chuckled. “Our teeth are gonna clack and I’m going to have horrible flashbacks to age fifteen.”

“I’m already there,” Peter called. “But that was perfect.”

Tony groaned and Natalia laughed. Dropping his head to her shoulder, he said, “You spy whammied a money shot out of me.”

“No,” she soothed. “I just teased Tony into coming out to play for real. That shot doesn’t have to be for anyone but you. I promise.”

“Okay,” he said, voice muffled. “Can we try that again, you know, later, without a peanut gallery?”

“I’m not a peanut—” Peter yelped. “Fine, I’m not listening anymore.”

She chuckled as Tony let out an exasperated sigh. “You know, I used to like that kid.”

“Hmm-hmm,” she said, then fisted his hair and tugged his head up before kissing him firmly. Sidestepping slow and soft, she went right to a real kiss that had him digging his fingers into her and gasping when she bit his lower lip. The fact he retaliated with enough force to leave her lip stinging made her grin.

“Better?”

“Hell yes,” he said. “It’s a wrap!”

Fifteen minutes later, Tony shut down the hologram engine and it revealed the actual shed, which was a standard rectangular warehouse length and shape with high walls and ceiling. There were strategic heaters placed all around the place and thousands of mirrored fixtures. Those were the hologram projectors.

Natalia wanted to play with the code at some point, but not when she’d just gotten Tony to relax. Steve and James teased him about needing to practice more kissing so he didn’t have such a hard time. The fact they each planted one on her as an example left her laughing and Peter beet red but grinning.

“Time out from the PDAs, guys, I’m begging you.”

“I dunno, Pete, your mom is tempting.”

The gagging sounds just elicited another round of laughter.

Idiots.

But the laughter was good. The bubbles of tension and strain evaporated under the teasing. When Steve said something about Uncle Tony, Tony made the most hilarious squawking noise and then ordered Steve to take it back.

Bundled up, she shook her head and then stepped into her snowshoes. James had handed her the neoprene mask when it was time to come out and the look on his face had her rolling her eyes, but she’d put it on. Tony sported one, too and Peter had laughed at them until James slapped one against his chest.

That had been amusing.

One glove at a time, she considered their hike—all few hundred feet of it—from the shed back to the house. Cloaky had followed them out but had basically hung out while they did the work, it now tracked closer to her as they prepared to let the frosty air in. Friday had control of the heat out here, she’d keep it warm enough it didn’t freeze for their next trip.

It was nearing lunchtime and she’d put together a stew while the guys fixed breakfast or more they all supervised Peter making breakfast. She’d almost taken pity on him. Almost, but it was entertaining to watch him getting conflicting advice and trying to decide who had the idea he wanted to work with.

Sometimes, that happened in the field, too. Better to experience it in the safety of the kitchen and learn to trust his own instincts where the worst that could happen was he’d burn the bacon—he didn’t—and most of them would eat the bacon whether it was crumbly or not, so no harm no foul. Either way, they’d all had a long morning, so the afternoon needed more fun in it.

The heavy weight of grief wore on her and James, but it had also hung around Peter—particularly after the videos and the photos. The ache of missing his mother had never truly gone away and while Natalia adored he wanted to call her Mom, Mary was still a very vital part missing for him.

For all of them.

“Ready, Doll?” James asked pulling her from her thoughts.

She nodded.

Too often if left to brood, she would fall into those memory traps. But it wasn’t so hard to pull out of them and the ache?

She was getting used to it.

The air was a frigid slap to the face, but the sun glittered off the snow and turned the ice crystals off the trees into flares. The snow crunched under her feet as they walked and she brushed her feet to the side almost automatically to clear her footprints. Despite the crunchiness, there was more powder than ice.

“Petya,” she murmured and he twisted around. She’d lagged behind the others some though Cloaky stayed firm at her side. With her bundling, he didn’t need to necessarily be on her shoulders. Jogging back to her, Peter’s eyes gleamed over his mask.

“Yeah?”

“Is your camera insulated in that bag?” She was fairly certain it was.

“Yep.” He nodded.

“Good,” she bent and scooped up a handful of snow. “Want to be on my team?”

His eyes lit up and he dared a glance forward to where Tony, Steve, and James walked. The three of them were chatting, probably razzing Tony some more or Tony was giving it back to them.

Either way, she was about to very vividly change the subject.

“Oh. Yeah.” He slung the camera bag strap crosswise over his body and scooped up a massive handful. She got a second ball ready and then they glanced at each other.

“Ready?” she murmured.

He nodded.

Natalia whistled, the piercing sound pulled all three men around and she let the first snowball fly. It slammed square into Steve’s chest and Peter nailed Tony. His yelp of surprise as he tumbled onto his ass in the snow had Peter putting his hands over his face. “Sorry!”

But Natalia already had the second snowball in motion. James blocked it and eyed her. “Natalia,” he warned.

“You don’t have to play,” she called as she scooped up more snow. “But I’m in.” She and Peter let loose with another volley.

The drone they’d brought out with them zipped away and Steve let out a laugh and he had a handful of snow and she narrowly avoided getting hit.

Then it was on.

Tony armored up and Peter let out a whoop.

When Steve and James tried to hit her from two sides she braced for it and then Cloaky swooped in and she was airborne.

“Woah!” Peter yelled a second before Tony pummeled him with three snowballs in rapid succession.

Natalia laughed. “You, my friend, are awesome.” With no prompting from her at all, Cloaky darted from side to side to avoid the next couple of volleys. Peter managed a series of strikes on Tony when he glanced at Steve and James.

“Swap targets?”

Like they’d practiced it, Steve and James switched to Peter who yelped as they pelted him in rapid succession.

“Sorry Red,” Tony apologized, but his volleys didn’t hit her as Cloaky snapped out a flare of the cloak and blocked the three snowballs and then they dipped even as she scooped up two handfuls, Cloaky grabbed some two and damn if Cloaky wasn’t accurate.

Oh. This  _ was _ fun. 

An hour later, winded from laughing and throwing, they called an end to the fight and declared it a tie. Cloaky was a handy ally. They were all coated in ice and snow, but no one was soaked. The best part of actual ski pants, boots, and jackets—they were insulated and waterproof.

Cloaky shook himself off and there weren’t even flecks of moisture on him as they let themselves in. Liho stared at them like a queen parked on the sofa, her expression bemused. After they stripped off the snowshoes, James took those to put them up and she snagged the heavier jackets and hung them on pegs in the mudroom while James stored the snowshoes.

“Have fun?” James asked.

“Yes,” she told him with a smile. “You?”

He paused for a moment, then nodded slowly. “I did…I don’t think we’ve laughed that hard in a while.”

No, they hadn’t.

Cupping his face, she rose on her tiptoes and kissed him. “It helps,” she whispered.

“Da,” he agreed, resting his forehead to hers for a moment. “It does. Though you had an unfair advantage.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have trained me so well.” Deliberately misunderstanding him earned her a playful swat.

By the time they made it back upstairs, everyone else had already headed up to change. Her cheeks were cold and her shirt clung to her where she’d gotten sweaty beneath the layers.

Steve was already in their room when they got up there and he gave her a once over. The barest hint of worry filtered in his eyes and she spread her arms.

“I’m fine,” she told him. “That was wonderful.” The last thing she wanted was a scolding on overdoing it. Even if she pulled a muscle, it would have been worth it. Peter had howled with laughter. Tony had the damn giggles—which was hilarious when he was trying to be threatening. James’ laughter had carried in the cold crisp air as had Steve’s chuckles.

Her eyes had watered she’d laughed so hard. Frankly, it was the first time since emerging from cryo she’d gone hours without crying. She would take it and steal more if she could.

“Trying not to fuss, Angel,” Steve promised.

“I know. You were great with Tony out there. Thank you.”

“Guy was a nervous wreck,” James complained. “He was making me itch with wondering what would go wrong.”

“He was,” Steve said. “He good now?”

“I think so,” she said. “But I’ll keep an eye on him. For all that he thumbs his nose at the world, he’s very private about what matters to him.” Except for that one time he decided to hand out his address on national television to challenge a terrorist.

But she wouldn’t bring that up now, he’d been more than a little compromised. If she hadn’t been on some damn assignment, maybe she could have helped avert some of that disaster. Shaking her head, she stripped down her suspenders and unbuttoned her pants.

“Let me know if I can do anything,” Steve said. “Though he seemed in a much better mood before you and Peter decided to stir up trouble.”

“What can I say, Rogers? I’m a trouble magnet.” She winked and he snorted.

“You feel better,” James said. “More you?”

It wasn’t an unfair question. That division between Natasha and Natalia was still there to some extent. The raw edges, they weren’t quite so jagged or bloody. “Some, yes.” She could see past the gaping maw of darkness that had been chomping down on her. “I don’t know if some of it will ever go away, but it’s…it’s not about what Natasha or Natalia wants, it’s about me and what I want for us and for all of you. Some parts are—there already. Like the bridges are built. There might always be a canal, but I can get across.”

Steve had pulled on sweats and perched on the edge of the bed as she stripped out of the long-sleeved shirt. James wore only a pair of loose jeans as he studied her.

“The hurt is still there,” she told them. “But it doesn’t dominate everything.” The last few nights since Will’s journal, they always ended their evenings in here with a few shots of vodka-laced mead. That helped, too. Tony had another bad dream the night before last and she’d gotten him out of it much easier than the one prior. She’d curled up and slept in there so he would go back to sleep, too.

She focused on James and raised her brows.

“It’s better,” he promised. “I don’t think it’s going away either. We’re always going to miss her, Natalia. But…the videos and the photos they help. Peter helps. The punk over there helps.” He shook his head. “Tony helps.”

“He’s a good man.”

“He’s good for you,” Steve said quietly. “You’re good for each other. He’s made you laugh the last few days when very little was. Peter always seems to make you smile, but Tony can get you to laugh.”

“You make me laugh, too,” she reminded him.

“It’s not a competition, Angel. You’ve been coming to me when you need me. I’m not complaining.” Leaning forward, Steve rested his elbows on his knees. “He’s helped me, too.”

“Hopefully, we’ve helped him,” James said. “Sometimes it’s hard to tell.”

Tony wore masks almost as well as she had. “I think so,” she told them. “He wants to include you in things, he actively seeks out your input. That’s something.”

“Have you told him what Shuri said?” James asked. A couple of nights before, she had filled James in on her discussion with the princess. Natalia hadn’t sent an email to Helen yet.

“No,” she admitted. “It hasn’t really come up and we’re not intimate.”

“Before you are…” James held up his hands. “Advice only. But I want there to be no surprises.”

She nodded. “It’s not a priority for him right now. He wants me focused on me.” If anything, Tony had been warm in his affection but also careful like he didn’t want to push her.

“You need the time to focus on you,” Steve said. “Tomorrow, Bucky and I are going to take Peter back.”

Even knowing she had to let him leave, there was a visceral ache at the idea.

“And we’re going to swing by the Compound. I want to check-in. The attorneys haven’t called back, but the city offices have been closed, too. We’ll see if they call tomorrow,” Steve continued. “But we may be gone for the day.”

The corners of her mouth curved. “Giving Tony and I time together?”

“Yes and no,” James said. “You wanted to see Strange, too and I want to meet May.”

The admission deepened her smile. “You’ll like her. She’s tough but fair. She did an excellent job with Peter, you can see her influence on so much of him.”

“Part of why I want to meet her, Doll. Peter wants to tell her about us—think it’s only fair she get a better assessment than the terrorist known as the Winter Soldier.”

Natalia wrinkled her nose. “Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, decorated war hero. The Soldier, my best friend and lover, James—my past and my future.”

“Not to mention Bucky, the best friend a guy could have,” Steve said drily. “But keep pouting so we can stroke your ego, Jerk.”

The response earned Steve a thump and then they were wrestling as they swatted at each other and she laughed.

“Think you can talk Strange into letting you bring Tony with you,” Steve asked as she finished getting dressed.

“Maybe, I’ll ask, but either way—if he can help me with the triggers, I’m going.” This was not negotiable and she’d made that clear when she told them and Tony. “As long as they’re active, I’m on lockdown and we can’t afford for me to disappear totally. Not if we want to accomplish everything else.”

“Doll, we don’t care about everything else as much as you,” James said firmly. It was the same theme Tony and Steve had echoed. “You still have a couple more days before you’re allowed to resume light physical duty.”

She snorted. “There’s nothing light about either of you and I handle you just fine.” Not to mention the dancing and the snowball fight but the twin pair of dark looks she got had her rolling her eyes. “I didn’t say anything about breaking that restriction. Just commenting.”

“Good,” Steve said.

“Natalia,” James murmured, wrapping his arms around her. “We know you’re restless.”

“So are you,” she pointed out. The fact they were willing to go for a day told her as much. “It’s a good thing. I love this house.” Saying it cost her nothing. More it resonated inside of her. They’d been here seven—no eight days. It was theirs. Eventually, they would go back to the Tower, but she couldn’t picture not coming here every chance they got.

Steve grinned slowly. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

James let out a little sigh. “Good, cause I love having you in this house—I love having all of us here.”

“We’ll be back often, yes?”

“Agreed.”

“Excuse me,” Friday said politely. “Sorry to intrude but Boss and Mr. Parker are both waiting for you to join them for lunch and according to Boss, he’s faint with hunger though his vitals all seem to negate that.”

Chuckling against her hair, James said, “Tell them to start dishing the food, Friday, we’re on our way down.”

Natalia caught Steve’s gaze. “But it’s a good thing that you’re comfortable enough to not think I need to be watched twenty-four seven.”

“It is a good thing, Angel. But we’re only ever a notification away.”

“I know.”

“If Strange can help?” Steve opened his arms and James loosened his hold to let her get a hug from Steve. “Then I’m all for it,” he said squeezing her gently.

“Yeah,” James said. “Course then we have to do that party.”

All three of them groaned, but Natalia said, “At least it’s going to be at the Tower.”

“Yeah,” James said. “At least.”

None of them were thrilled with the idea, but appearances had to be made.

“And look at it this way,” Natalia said as she glanced from one to the other. “We’re going to have some of Steve’s art on display. No one will pay attention to us with that gorgeous work there.”

He flushed at her claim but there was a gleam of pleasure in his eyes. “I don’t know about that.”

“Oh, I do know. Trust me.” 

After lunch, they went over the photos Friday had taken. Picking out two—one of her and Tony sitting by the fire and the second from right after they’d kissed when he’d been laughing. Even Peter had agreed it was cute, gross but cute.

He needed to develop his film that then led to a discussion about setting up a darkroom—one had already added one to the Tower and it was on her floor. Trust Tony and Friday to get a jump on it. So they spent a few minutes determining a workspace for Peter at the house. They didn’t want to convert one of the extra bedrooms because they needed the space for when Clint and his family came to visit.

Eventually, they settled on a section of the lab downstairs and the storage room next to it. Friday said she’d order the supplies and they could update it in a few days. They spent the afternoon playing video games until Peter excused himself to go call Wanda and Natalia watched him go. They’d called May and she would be off at seven the next morning, so Steve and James were going to take Peter early then give May a ride home.

He’d be back to school the following day most likely, at least according to the news, and he wanted to see them on the weekend but he also had school, May, and his friends. Friends he hadn’t spent much time on.

“Hey,” Tony said, pelting her with a piece of popcorn. Natalia flicked a look at him. “He just went to call girlfriend number two or three. Still haven’t figured out the third girl yet. He’ll be back.”

“I’m not worried about him calling Wanda,” Natalia said as she sat up. Though she needed to sit him down and talk to him about whether he was dating dating or just flirting. Liz had definitely been a date. Wanda seemed to be a great deal more. MJ he avoided discussing or dismissed with a shrug as just a friend.

James flicked the popcorn that had hit her back at Tony and he actually caught it in his mouth. “Thank you. You’d be good at quarters,” he said with a grin.

“What are you worried about Angel?” Steve asked, ignoring them when James threw Tony another piece of popcorn. He caught that one, too.

Shaking her head, she turned to sit cross-legged. For the last little bit, she’d been lying with her head in James’ lap while Tony and Steve beat on each other but they’d switched the game off and were currently scrolling through movies.

It was lazy and calm. The snowball fight had taken the edge off of all of them. Or maybe it was the photos and the play. Maybe a combination of all of the above.

“He’s leaving,” she said. It was a good thing. He didn’t need to be there for her getting the triggers removed or for the hunt for who bombed the plane. But she’d already missed so much.

“He’ll be back,” Steve assured her. “We’ll be back at the Tower before you know it. He’s not going to disappear on you.”

James rubbed her back gently. “He texts and calls regularly, too.”

She made a face. “I’ll be fine.”

“You’re allowed to miss him, Red. Lots of changes the last few days and it has been good to have him around.”

“Tony’s right.”

“See, I want a button made that just says that, Cap. I like it when you agree with me.”

Steve chuckled. “This is about Nat, not you.”

“Oh, I’m aware—but I’m still right.”

“You’re going to make me take it back.”

“There are no take-backs.”

She plucked popcorn from James’ bowl and flicked it at Tony. It bopped him on the nose.

Her phone rang before he could retaliate and James passed it over to her. Clint’s name flashed on the screen and she hit answer and put the phone to her ear.

“Hey stranger, we thought you fell off the planet.” He hadn’t really, he’d been texting but they’d been more pulse checks and not real chats.

“Har har. Are you sitting down?” The barest hint of glibness in his tone didn’t cover the sober and serious notes.

She raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong?”

Three sets of eyes focused on her.

“Nothing wrong, but I have some news and I wanted to share it with you. I debated it—cause well—Laura’s pregnant.” And he’d been worried about telling her.

Natalia began to smile. “See what happens when you use tongue?”

Slapping a palm to his face, Steve choked on laughter and even Tony began to snicker, but James just rubbed her back. Her muscles had locked but this was  _ good _ news.

“Pretty sure it wasn’t my tongue that got the job done,” Clint retaliated.

“Well, I’m glad you figured out anatomy after three kids if you hadn’t and you got to number four I might have to apologize to Laura.”

“Oh, you think you’re funny.”

“I know I am,” she teased. “But I’m very happy for you—this is  _ good _ news right?”

“It’s terrifying news, Nat. Fucking terrifying and awesome. I told her about the house. Before she told me about the baby. She said yes.”

“To the baby or the house?”

“To the house. To me. To us.” He was all over the place and her smile grew and some of the tension leached out of her.

“Good.”

“I’ve got a lot of work to do, things to finish. But going to bring Laura out in a couple of days and let her and kids see the place and get their lists together. Need to up the security, Friday had some ideas and I need to pick Bucky’s brain. We had sightlines we need to trap.”

“We’ll take care of it,” James said quietly and Clint blew out a breath because James was close enough the words carried. “Congratulations man.”

“Yeah.” All at once he sounded dazed. “Four kids, Nat.”

“I know. Have you told the kids yet?”

“No, Laura wants to wait until she’s fully through the first trimester. She’s only six weeks. But I got permission to tell you which means your guys get to know but we’re still keeping it quiet.”

“I’ll take care of it,” she promised.

“She said yes.”

“She loves you, idiot.”

“I know she does, Kid and I love her, but—six months ago this was—this gone and now I’ve got a house and she said yes and four kids. I sank a lot of the savings into that place. You get any extra jobs…”

“We’ll take care of it,” she told him. “Anything you need. Consider it my baby shower present.”

“Yeah, I don’t need your money, Kid. Just need a few extra jobs.”

“Okay. We’ll work it out.”

“And Nat?”

“Yes?”

“If it’s a girl, her name is Natasha, no arguments.”

The corner of her mouth kicked up. “You promised me that last time and the little traitor still prefers Steve to me.”

That earned another round of laughter.

“Yeah, but you believed in me and Laura even when we didn’t, so her name is Natasha.”

Tears burned in the back of her eyes. “Thank you.”

“Anthony is good for a boy,” Tony called out.

Clint laughed. “Yeah, we haven’t decided on a boy’s name yet. Laura is really hoping for a girl. No more traitors.”

“Clint…”

“Yeah?”

“Breathe.”

He exhaled. “I’m not crazy am I?”

“Certifiable,” she promised.

“Okay. I just needed to verify it.”

“How are you?”

“Elated. Relieved. Terrified. Worried. Don’t think that I’m not coming back though, I know there’s stuff we have to do.”

Maria’s mysterious mission.

“Not worried at all. Give Laura a kiss from me—and Clint?”

“Yeah?”

“If it’s a boy that just means you have to go for number five.”

Dead silence greeted that statement. “I hate you.”

“I know.” She blew a kiss at the phone.

“See you soon, Kid.”

Then he was gone. James tapped the quiet question of  _ All good? _

She nodded. “I’m happy for them.”

“So I guess this means the divorce is definitely off?” Tony asked.

“Sounds like it.”

He lifted his mug of coffee. “Then to the Bartons, Red, you called it.”

Grinning, she lifted her tea as Steve and James held up their own mugs. “Long and healthy life to all of them.”

Quiet blanketed the room for a moment as they all drank.

“Did we pick a movie?” Peter called from the stairs. “I’m going to be five more minutes.”

“Take your time,” Steve called, focusing on her. “We’re in no hurry.”

They weren’t. 

But while vacation was almost over grief never ended.

Bereavement was an abyss you walked next to every day. Sometimes the path was wide and steady and sometimes it got narrow and rocky and the wind tried to blow you off. 

You really only had one choice: you kept walking. 

They had time.

She’d keep walking. 


	19. A Kind of Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their time at the cliff house is slowly drawing to a close. Bucky and Steve take Peter home, but the separation is noticeable to the throuple even if the guys are trusting her. Nat and Tony have some time to talk before Stephen arrives and Natalia braces for her next challenge.

**Chapter Nineteen**

_ A Kind of Magic _

**Natalia/Natasha**

It was dark when the first alarm went off. Natalia shifted at the alert—the first they’d set since arriving at their new home.

“Coffee pots will begin their brewing in forty-five minutes,” Friday announced quietly. “The alarm for Peter and Boss is set for another sixty minutes.”

With a groan, she rubbed a hand over her face. “Then why are you waking us early?”

“Because I asked her to, Angel. Resume privacy mode,” Steve said.

Even squinting she couldn’t make out more of Steve than he was a large shadow. “You did, huh?”

“Yep,” he said. “We’re about to leave you for several hours.” Steve slid his hand along her side and then over her chest to cup her jaw. Tilting her head back, he pressed his lips to hers and she sighed against his mouth. That whole morning breath thing was really overrated particularly in light of the fact he was stroking his hands down to her hips.

James locked his mouth over one nipple and her whole body arched at the conflicting sensations. “Da,” he whispered as he blew against the damp flesh and her skin pebbled. “We need to go, but we wanted this time with you.”

“I’m not going to complain,” she gasped as Steve slid his thigh between hers and delved his fingers against her cunt. They weren’t slow or remotely hesitant as James paid particular attention to her breasts and Steve began to wind her up.

“I thought I heard a complaint,” Steve murmured before he caught her earlobe in his teeth.

“Hmm definitely heard at least one,” James agreed and he bit down over her nipple adding just the barest sting of pain to the pleasure swirling tighter and tighter.

“Two against one, Angel,” Steve warned hotly and sucked her earlobe against his teeth as he slid two fingers into her. The moan she let out was almost desperate, the shifting focus on sensation made it hard to anticipate and she reacted all the more intensely. “Do you remember your word?”

The whisper penetrated. Oh. Fuck.

“Yes,” she breathed. That earned her a pinch.

“Not the right word, Natalia.”

She laughed, but James wrapped his hand around her nape and dragged her head forward until their noses brushed. Imagining the way his pale blue eyes would scorch her wasn’t hard. Steve pumped his fingers, teasing her. He barely skimmed everywhere she wanted to feel and he wouldn’t let her move to increase the friction.

“Word, Natalia.” The whipcrack of an order in her Soldier’s voice sent a fresh wave of languid heat through her.

“Stop,” she said. “The word is stop.”

Steve brushed his thumb against her clit and she arched, grazing her over-sensitized nipples against James’ chest. James swallowed her gasp as he claimed her mouth and there was no other word for it. The kiss burned all the way through her, setting her on fire.

“Buck?” Steve said as he stroked her clit twice more. “I have an idea.”

“Hmm,” was all James said as his tongue tangled with hers.

“Helpful,” Steve commented in a dry tone, but he eased his fingers away and she groaned a complaint. The sharp slap of his hand against her ass sent a jolt of heat blazing through her. “Hush,” he told her. “Kiss Bucky and straddle him while you’re at it.”

Melting into those commands was as easy as breathing even if James seemed intent on taking every gasp of air. With firm hands, she pushed at him to roll onto his back. The weight of Steve’s hand on her back stroking her skin lit her up. It was James who fisted his erection and fuck her, Steve lifted her and together they settled her on James.

He stretched her and she moaned against his mouth as he settled his hands on her hips.

“Feel good, Angel?”

A part of her brain wanted to know why the hell Steve kept asking silly things. Of course, it felt good, but the rest of her longed to answer him but that would mean she had to stop kissing James. She settled for splitting the difference. “Da,” she whispered in between breaths and earned a pinch from James for slowing even that much. The light urging had her roll her hips, but the slap of Steve’s hand against her ass sent another bolt of pure pleasure exploding through her system.

“Fuck,” James bit off as she flexed around him.

“Oh, do I have your attention now?” Steve chuckled as he massaged the cheek he’d struck. Then he landed another one on the other cheek and she clenched down on James.

“Fuck…” he repeated. “Yes. That’s—amazing.”

“I wondered if it was a one-time thing or if…” A rapid series of swats hit, she lost the rhythm of them because he hit at imprecise moments and her ass burned but her whole body thrummed as she managed to ride James and she wasn’t sure which of them came first, but the orgasm twisted through her and left her a little stunned by the force.

Collapsing against him, she buried her face against his neck even as Steve kept massaging her tender ass.

“Definitely going to try that for you,” James promised over her head and Steve chuckled. There was something so delighted and decadent in that chuckle.

“So many things I want to try.”

“You might have created a bit of a monster,” James teased her.

“No,” she whispered. “Steve’s not a monster. Just dedicated to perfecting his art.”

That pulled huffing laughter out of both of them. But her respite was over and Steve eased her upward as James helped and then she was straddling Steve.

“Still with me, Angel?”

“Oh yes,” she promised. “Good morning. No complaints here.”

That set them both off, but then Steve kissed her and it wasn’t long before she was on her back and her aching ass pressed against the cool sheets. But when Steve pressed into her, she forgot all about that. It would never not delight her how easily they passed her back and forth between them. She craved their time alone, but these times… they drowned her in sensuality and she let it all go. It was so easy to just submerge while they were there.

When the next alarm went off, she was all shaking limbs and sandwiched right between them. They’d gotten damn creative and her ass was all the more tender for it and it was glorious.

Course, now they had to shower.

And move.

That part sucked.

Well, it did when she got a second or was it a third wind?

They were the ones shaking then and despite their rather lengthy shower, they were still the first to get downstairs. Funnily enough, the restless edginess had all been sanded away. She caught Steve watching her as he diced up potatoes. The hint of a smile told her that had been their intention. To settle all of them. They were leaving her and she had to let Peter go, but she also had to let them go, too.

She’d been comfortable in their relationship before but there were differences. Subtle alterations she’d noticed but were those from her? Or from them? Or all of the above?

The last few weeks had changed all of them. She and James had reclaimed a closeness they’d lost, the intimacy of shared history, but she and Steve? They’d grown more than close. She’d grown to rely on him more and more. When she struggled with something that wouldn’t fit, it was Steve she’d gone hunting for. It was more than just he understood her need for play because James did, too. But it was a deeper trust there, that and they were both listening to her. What had begun as lifelines had entwined on a deeper level.

Maybe she wasn’t so broken after all. Or maybe she’d just found forging the shards together made her stronger.

“Morning Mom.” A yawn punctuated Peter’s greeting as he dropped his duffle and backpack near the opening and shuffled into the kitchen. His hair stood straight up on top of his head and his cheek had a pillow imprint on it. While he’d changed out of his pajamas, she suspected he’d literally just changed his clothes and come down.

“Good morning, Petya.”

“Can I get coffee? I don’t think my brain is on.”

James pointed him toward the coffee he and Steve drank as he continued flipping pancakes. The potatoes were already frying in another pan and Steve had gotten out eggs. “Help yourself, Pal.”

Like Peter before him, Tony dragged into the kitchen with a yawn. “I’m not used to seeing this hour when I wake up. It’s usually when I’m going to bed. You should feel honored I got up to see you off, Kid.”

“I will when I can think,” Peter promised. He was spooning sugar into his cup at high speed and she wasn’t the only one watching him add about six teaspoons of it. When he took a sip, he grimaced and then coughed.

Before she could comment on the sugar, he added two more heaping teaspoons.

“Wow, Pete, you want some coffee with that sugar?” Tony asked.

“It’s really strong,” Peter said and carried his now too sweet mug over to sit down next to her. After another swallow of it and another horrible face, he rested his head against her shoulder. “Wake me up when food is ready?”

Smiling, she lifted a hand to ruffle his already disheveled hair. “Yes, malen’kiy pauk, but it won’t be long.”

“S’okay. This hour of the day should be illegal.”

“We’ll get right to work on it, Kid,” Tony said as he filled his own mug with coffee and cast her a sleepy-eyed look.

Mouthing please, she nudged her mug forward and he crossed over to refill it.

Something warm unfurled in her as they moved around the kitchen and Peter dozed against her shoulder.

“I don’t want to go,” Peter murmured in a low voice and she leaned her cheek against the top of his head. “I want to see May, but…I don’t want anything to happen to you if I leave.”

“I’ll be fine,” she assured him. “You had to go home after Wakanda and before you came to stay for the very long, snowy weekend. I was fine then, right?”

“Yeah, but this feels different,” Peter admitted.

“I know,” she said. “Me, too.”

That seemed to surprise him and while she knew all three of the guys could hear them, they didn’t say a word.

“Really?” Peter asked.

“Really,” she said. “I’m going to miss you. So you’ll have to text me at least twice a day.”

“And in between classes.”

“And after patrol.”

“I can call, too. You know, maybe after I call Wanda?” There was a note of hope in his voice and she smiled.

“Yes, I can come in second place to Wanda, I understand.”

“Mom, no,” Peter argued as he jerked his head up and stared at her. “I can call you first…”

Pressing her finger to his lips, she smiled. “I was teasing, malen’kiy pauk. You call me when you call me. You let me know you’re okay and I’ll check in with you, too. We’re all going to have to go back to the real world, but that doesn’t mean we won’t see each other.”

“But it still won’t be the same.”

“I know.” She cupped his cheek, then pressed a kiss to his forehead. “It’s going to be better.”

His eyes lit up. “And we’re telling May.”

“Yes, as soon as Tony and I are ‘officially’ back from our honeymoon, James and I will come to see her—or we’ll have you both to the Tower. We’ll tell her together.”

“Okay,” he said. “It’s the right thing to do.”

It was. But that didn’t mean it would be easy. “We’ll take care of it.” If she had to let May rail at her for a while over this, she would. Whatever it took to settle Peter. “Okay?”

He nodded. “I am looking forward to seeing her. She’s got to be beat. This has been a crap winter for the hospitals.”

“Da, so you take good care of her and give us just a little more time to tell her.”

He nodded. “Thanks, Mom,” then he glanced past her. “Thanks, guys.”

“Anytime, Pal,” James told him. “You good to let everyone eat now or do you need to hog Natalia’s attention some more?”

It was the right thing to say because Peter let out a genuine laugh. “I think I can share her again, but you three shouldn’t push your luck. I’ve got my eye on you.”

Natalia rolled her eyes, then pinched him and Peter jumped. A little more alert, he downed more of his coffee but smiled as they piled food onto his plate and they kept a firm eye on the clock as everyone ate.

Less than an hour later, she stood at the window as the three of them crossed toward the barn where the quinjet was parked. Tony bumped her shoulder with his. “This weird to you?”

“Little bit,” she said.

“Never thought I’d be sorry to see everyone go even if it meant I had you all to myself.”

She cast a sidelong look at him. “You’re getting attached.”

“Maybe,” he said, then slung an arm around her shoulder. “When are you calling Strange?”

“In a little while. It’s still early…well, here. I don’t know if his here is the same as ours, so in a little while.”

“Think I could persuade you to get a little more sleep?”

She raised her eyebrows. “Telling me I look tired?”

Before he could answer, the quinjet eased out of the barn and then lifted off. It was so quiet as it moved, the flash of lights and then it was gone into the darkness.

A sigh escaped her. They weren’t going on a mission. It wasn’t dangerous. Peter was going home. Steve and James were heading to the Compound. In a short few hours, they would be back…

“Telling you that it’s okay to miss them,” he said. “And to be tired.”

“You tired, Shellhead?”

“A little…Baby Girl how long until the sunrise?”

“Roughly fifty-seven minute, Boss.”

“C’mon, Red. Nap for fifty-two minutes with me, then we’ll get up and watch the sunrise. They’ll be with May by then, too.”

It didn’t take much to persuade her. Liho and Cloaky followed them up to Tony’s room and didn’t bother with changing, just flopped back on the bed and she curled up next to him. Interlacing his fingers with hers, he said, “Better?”

She was a little sore, achy, and missing Steve, James, and Peter, but she was far from alone. Liho bounced up and paced over them until she could curl up in the cradle where Natalia’s body pressed against Tony’s.

“You know,” she said. “I just might be.”

“Good,” he said and pressed a kiss to her temple. “Now be a good little wife and shush so your man can get some sleep.”

His laughter ended on a yelp, but he wrapped her closer and she was smiling when she closed her eyes. “Keep it up, Stark,” she warned.

“I intend to, _Stark_ ,” he retaliated and her snort added to his laughter. Then they were both giggling.

They might not have gotten much sleep, but the fist of tension in her gut at the others leaving definitely loosened its grip. 

~~~

Natalia waited until after they’d watched the sunrise and warmed up again before she sent a text to Stephen. Then they had to wait for him to respond. Tony leaned back on the sofa next to her and mirrored her pose, legs stretched out, feet on the coffee table with one ankle over the other.

Friday notified them when Steve and James had picked up May at the hospital. Apparently, there was some excitement over a ride home on a quinjet though May was worried about people seeing them.

“You know, I thought showing up with Happy driving was overkill. Bucky’s gonna make a hell of an impression with the jet.”

She smiled. “To be fair, the jet is a little overkill.”

“So is Happy, but I like him, too.”

“True.” She glanced at him. “Did you send them the engagement photos?”

“Yep,” he said. “I gave the exclusive to Milligan at the Times. She was very appreciative. According to Friday, she sent us a magnum of champagne. Call me paranoid, but we’re just gonna send a thank you card and toss it.”

“I’m impressed you’re sending a thank you card.”

“My mother did actually teach me manners.” The faux affronted tone made her smile.

“Oh, so when you’re rude it’s not a lack of couth.”

“Nope, it’s totally a choice. I’m really good at it, too.”

She chuckled. “Yes, yes you are.”

He glanced at her phone but it hadn’t so much as twitched since she sent the text. “Not going to call me paranoid?”

Liho bounded onto the sofa and settled in her lap. “Nope.”

“I feel like there’s a trap there, why am I not paranoid?”

“Because paranoia is a mental condition characterized by delusions of persecution, unwarranted jealousy, or exaggerated self-importance. Typically, it’s an aspect of a chronic personality disorder, drug abuse, or a far more serious condition like schizophrenia.”

The weight of his stare had her rolling her head to look at him. He had leaned away a little and focused on her with laser intensity. “That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

She raised her brows. “We really need to work on your standards.”

“My standards are just fine, thank you very much. They start with you and everything else isn’t good enough.”

The corner of her mouth kicked up. “I could comment.”

“But you won’t.”

“But I could.”

“Yes, and if you did, we’d spend the next hour arguing about how I’m right and you’re wrong. I’m a much better judge of your character than you are, so let’s not waste that hour on debating it. I’m right. You can just agree and we can continue with our lovely morning.”

Natalia chuckled. “You’re nuts sometimes.”

“True,” he said. “Other times it’s blueberries—speaking of which—don’t move.” He dropped a kiss on her lips lightly before he pushed off the sofa. Liho stretched and then looked up at her until she began to stroke her back. Her text to Stephen had simply been  _ Ready when you are _ . The lack of response could be he was finishing up something, still asleep though it was now after eight—not everyone got up early—or he was handling an emergency.

As far as she knew, he’d returned with the team the day before. They hadn’t remained in Thailand and they were no closer to finding the missing vessels. Tony came back out of the kitchen with fresh coffee and a bag of dried fruit and mixed nuts.

She snorted.

“What?” he asked as he offered her some.

“Nothing, you just got the random munchies and had to go find one of your secret stashes.”

“It wasn’t that secret, I just tucked it into the cubby in the pantry.”

“Behind two boxes of cereal and the pop tarts.”

“Not my fault not everyone looks behind and under things.”

She took a small handful and tossed them into her mouth. The sweet and salty was nice, but she wasn’t that hungry. “Tony…”

“It’s going to be fine, Red,” he said. “If Strange is opposed to me going, I can hang out here and get stuff done. You’ve got the bracelets, Friday can track you, and you trust him.”

“You don’t?”

“Yes and no?” He grimaced.

“Explain.”

“It’s just—he’s good at what he does and he came through for you. But he’s not… one of us. And yes, I know how that sounds.”

“We’re wary by nature,” she said.

“And experience,” he concurred.

“True. I know it might make you feel better to be there, I worry if you are it will be uncomfortable for you.”

“Because you think it’s going to be uncomfortable for you.” It wasn’t a question.

“Well, you know, so far everything with my memory and old commands has just been a sunny day walk in the park.” Whatever Stephen came up with, it might be as simple as abracadabra and it might not be.

“I can handle it, Red. I handled you disappearing on me. I handled you turning yourself over to be beaten by the Russian nutjobs, I handled you being sucked into an alien entity and taken by someone who wanted to get back at me. I even handled you going into cryo. I’m not worried about what I see if it means I get to be there if you need me.”

Tipping her head, she pressed a kiss to his shoulder and then tucked her chin against it. He turned enough to kiss her forehead.

“I know you would, Tony. I know just how much hell you have put yourself through for me. You promised to be there for me and you were. But I can do this one without making you suffer.”

“It’s really cute that you think I won’t suffer if I’m not there,” he teased. “I’m gonna worry one way or another, Red. Pretty sure that’s why the super twins went today because if they were blocked from going, it would have been ugly.”

She knew that. “They’re also trusting me to handle it.”

“I trust you,” he said, then swept his head down and kissed her. It started off slow and sweet. The taste of coffee, nuts, and berries tangled on her tongue as he swept in. He slid his hand up to cup her face and she twisted. Liho let out an annoyed squawk as Natalia dislodged her and swung her leg over to straddle Tony’s lap. He fell back against the cushions and dragged his hands down her sides as she cupped his face in her hands.

The goatee tickled her cheeks and her chin, but his mouth was soft under hers. Soft and electric with every stroke of her tongue as she teased him and delighted at the rapier duel he waged to drag her tongue closer, then to dart against hers. She savored every move, but when he slid his hands over her ass and squeezed, she let out a groan and he jerked his head back.

“Okay?” Worried brown eyes searched her face.

“My ass is a little sore from playing this morning.”

“Got it.” He slid his hands a little higher. “Better?”

“Much, thank you.”

“My pleasure… we were just about…” he tugged her forward as he slanted his head and then kissed her again.

She slid a hand into his hair as he edged his fingers under her shirt then spread one hand against the bare skin of her back. The barest contact of his nails against her flesh sent a ripple of goosebumps racing over her.

“Hmm, Red?” he asked in between kisses. “Why… is… your… ass… sore… again?”

“Playing,” she told him, then bit his lower lip and dragged it out as he shuddered.

“Can… I ask… fuck…” he shuddered as she dragged her fingertips over his scalp and kissed away from his mouth to his throat. The rapid rate of his pulse beneath her lips made her smile.

“You can ask,” she murmured against his skin before she nipped him lightly. “But I’m not discussing my sex life with them with you.”

“Fair,” he said. “You wouldn’t discuss me with them, right?”

Lifting her head, she met his gaze. “No, Tony. I wouldn’t discuss it with anyone.”

His pupils were a little fatter and his face a lot more flushed even as he grinned. “I know you wouldn’t, Red. But you gotta admit… if I told you my ass was sore, you’d be curious, too.”

“I’d ask if you had a good time,” she admitted. Then nipped his earlobe. “Then I’d offer to repeat the experience if you needed a hand.”

He groaned. “That phone is so going to ring any minute.”

She laughed and straightened. “Maybe… but this is kind of nice, yeah?”

Exhaling a breath, he said, “Oh yeah, but a guy has dreams.”

“Does he?”

“He does,” he said, soberness dampening some of the teasing in his expression. “But I like this…I haven’t made out with a lady in a long time. So this is really good.”

Leaning back a little to settle more firmly against his thighs, she studied him. “Thank you.”

“Hmm? For the gift of my wondrous presence? Like I said, Red, anything for you.”

She snorted. “Thank you for being patient.”

“Ahh, that old chestnut.” Hands resting on her hips, he stroked his thumb against the fabric of her leggings. “It’s easy to be patient when the reward is time with you. Red… at the risk of sounding arrogant…”

“Perish the thought.”

“True,” he said, making a face. “But I’m trying to be real here and have a moment.”

“Noted, please continue.”

“Thank you.” He raised his hand and drew his thumb over her lower lip. “I’ve had a lot of sex in my life. A lot of different women, the occasional experiment with a guy. Some much better than others. The point is—if all I wanted was sex? That’s not at all hard to come by.”

“Accepted.” None of that was a lie. Tony Stark had  _ earned _ his reputation.

“I know women, I know when they want me and when they just want something from me. I used to not care about the distinction so much. They had a good time, I had a good time, and everyone went home happy. Sex could be a calisthenic exercise, it got my creative juices flowing.”

“I can see that.”

“So, sex isn’t as big a deal to me as it might be to other people.” He raised his hand to touch her temple. “I love your mind. I love every part of it from the scarred bits to the damage you overcame again and again. That mind of yours? It turns me on like no other woman—hell any other person I’ve ever known.”

The compliment washed over her, she wasn’t usually one who cared much about the praise. Good job, Natalia would work. This…this was different.

“Your heart? Red, you have the biggest heart of all of us, you cloak it with spy whammy and hide it in the shadows, stealthing around all of us as you make sure we have what we need. You trick us into taking care of ourselves or bringing others in to do it and making sure they get what they need. Sending Peter to  _ help _ me with Steve’s suit because he needed someone keeping an eye on him. Clint suddenly getting bored and wanting to just hang out so he could feel useful.” He eyed her. “I saw what you did. You dragged me out of my workshop smelling like a three-day-old corpse and got me to shower, dress, and feel human before shuffling me around people again. I see you, Red. I’ve seen you for a long time and I took it for granted. I don’t anymore.”

Natalia dipped her chin, but she never took her gaze off his. He didn’t look away, not once.

“I love what I see. Do I love that smoking hot bod? Duh? I’ll be honest, you were a wet dream come to life when I saw you walk into the gym that day. Everything about you appealed to me. But if all you were was a body… it wouldn’t have left a mark. _You_ are who I want. So—we make out, we talk, we play and when we’re ready, we’ll do other things. My birthday is a few months off and there is definitely one scene I would love to have a chance to do over…”

There he went, dousing that raw honesty in snark and teasing. Covering the vulnerability he revealed. Tipping her head to the side, she traced her finger against his cheek just as she had when she used cover-up to hide his bruises.

“No party?”

“Only one for two.”

“Deal,” she said slowly. “I don’t want to disappoint you, Tony. Sometimes I think you would be better off with a woman who can give you all of her.”

“I don’t want another woman,” he said simply. “We’re adults here, Red. You and me? Long-term. Big things. Dynamite.”

She smiled. “Is that so, Mr. Stark?”

“Yes, it is, Mrs. Stark.”

“You’re getting way too comfortable with that.”

“It’s not so bad,” he said. “But if you aren’t…”

“It’s fine,” she soothed him, dropping her hand to his chest. “Though I do think it’s awfully sexist that you’re not Mr. Romanoff.”

He stared at her a beat then smirked. “Sorry, Red. Branding is everything. Stark? That’s the name they know.”

“Yes, it is…” She blew out a breath, but before she could continue, her phone buzzed. A split-second later, Liho let out a yowl and darted away as a gold ring flared to life in front of the fireplace. Twisting on Tony’s lap, she met Stephen’s bemused gaze as he looked from her to Tony then back again.

“You did say you were ready, didn’t you?”

The dry question actually made them both laugh.

~~~

In the end, Stephen declined to let Tony join them. He had his reasons and while Tony’s expression tightened, he didn’t complain. Though he did grip her hand fiercely and press a kiss to her forehead and another to her lips before he said, “Bracelets are in monitoring mode.”

“Okay.” She pressed her hand to his chest. “Don’t do anything crazy while I’m gone.”

He smiled. “Hey, it’s me.”

Cloaky wrapped around her shoulders as she stepped through the portal and it was just like when they came back from Wakanda. A sensation of her stomach dropping for a second then she wasn’t in their cliff home anymore, she was… in the middle of Stephen’s extremely cluttered study. Glancing over her shoulder, she met Tony’s gaze. He stood, hands in his pockets, watching her as Liho stared at the portal like it was going to eat her.

Then it snapped closed cutting off her view. Turning away from the vanished portal, she found Stephen flipping a rather large tome closed on his desk.

“I really like what you’ve done with the place,” she told him as he lifted the book and then it flew from his hands to put itself back on the shelf. Despite the stacks of scrolls, books, and knickknacks—though she rather supposed calling anything in here something as kitsch as knickknacks might be underselling it—it wasn’t  _ dusty _ or smelling of mold. If anything, there was a hint of sandalwood, a touch of orange blossom, and what she was pretty sure had to be lotus.

“Thank you,” Stephen said as beckoned with a faint curl of his fingers. “Come through.” He slid open a pair of doors and she followed him from the dense room to a densely packed hallway. There were huge stairs leading upward. Large pots, vases, paintings, and an actual suit of armor occupied the nooks and corners as well the walls beyond the room. The place was huge with vaulted ceilings. The address indicated a brownstone.

The interior so did not.

Above on the second level, glass cases were visible. Stephen didn’t head up the stairs, instead, he turned down the hallway passed them and leading away from the double front doors. There were windows allowing illumination into the shadowy interior. The most interesting part, the windows were occluded, but the light filtering in seemed almost warm despite how cold it had to be outside.

The lack of draft in the huge place sent a wave of apprehension over her skin. Cloaky had settled on her shoulders and he squeezed her once as if to say it was fine.

“Well Toto,” she murmured. “We’re definitely not in Kansas anymore.”

“You weren’t in Kansas to begin with,” Stephen said over his shoulder, the faintest of smiles curving his lips. “And I rather think I’m more like the Wizard than I am the dog.”

“So, I take it you don’t want me to look behind the curtain?”

A snort of laughter and a, “Ha!” from ahead of them had her raising her brows. That and the rich scents of turmeric and cumin rolled out past the swinging door as Stephen pushed it open and held it for her.

Like the other pieces of the house she’d seen so far, the kitchen defied expectations. It was huge. The fact it had an actual cauldron in it notwithstanding, it was also warm and cozy. There was a sizzle of what looked like frying bread and a kettle whistling.

“Natasha Romanoff, may I present, Wong?” Stephen said by way of introduction as he gestured to the Asian man currently lifting the kettle to fill a porcelain teapot. “Just Wong,” Stephen continued dryly. “Like Beyoncé.”

“Did you put a ring on it?” The quip rolled off her tongue and Wong let out another ‘ha’ as he set the kettle down before turning to face her.

“She sounds like you, Strange.”

If Stephen’s jerkin and pants reminded her of renaissance faires, Wong looked like many of the monks she’d encountered in various parts of the world including Tibet. There was an uncomfortable moment as images of the monks she’d slaughtered in the Mandarin’s castle flashed across her eyes, but none of them possessed even an nth of the skeptical mirth present in Wong’s eyes as he studied her.

“She really is wearing the cloak,” Wong said to Stephen.

“I told you I wasn’t making it up,” Stephen countered.

“What did you do that it abandoned you so quickly? Hmm?” Not waiting for an answer, he put his hands together and gave her a polite, if formal bow. “It is an honor to make your acquaintance, Natasha Romanoff.”

Pressing her palms together, Natalia offered him the same greeting. “And a pleasure to make yours, Wong.”

“Good manners,” the man said with a nod of approval. “I’ll pour the tea, go through and sit.” He motioned to another set of doors leading off the kitchen before he picked up tongs and turned the thin bread he’d been frying over.

“We don’t argue with Wong when he is preparing for a guest,” Stephen informed her as he opened the doors. “We have them so rarely.”

“The Sanctum Sanctorum is not a bed and breakfast or alehouse,” Wong called after them. “Most of the company that tries to get in here are not people we want.”

“Well,” Stephen said as he stepped aside and allowed her into what could politely be called a dining room. A low table occupied the center and it was perfectly placed to offer a view of the wide windows—overlooking a brilliant  _ mountain _ vista. “He’s not wrong.”

The unease sliding through her intensified. No brownstone in New York would have that view. Yet it was Stephen and she trusted him.

She didn’t know Wong or this place. Wariness and suspicion kept her alive. Though any attempt to crash through that glass to get out of here would result in an uncomfortable plummet. She would prefer not to have to explain broken bones to Steve, James,  _ or _ Tony.

Ornate and colorful rugs surrounded the table and there were thick cushions placed at even intervals. Simple, yet formal. Welcoming, yet cautious.

Pausing at the door, Natalia reached down and removed her shoes. She probably should have at the door. A part of her rejected leaving any inch of her vulnerable to attack, but Cloaky remained fastened around her and she had her bracelets. The ring on her right hand gleamed up at her. The weight of Steve’s dog tags rested against her skin beneath the long-sleeved shirt she’d chosen for the day. Setting the boots to the side, she padded in and took the cushions that put her back to a wall and kept both Stephen and Wong in front of her.

The knives she’d strapped to her calves offered another source of comfort, but the fact she’d left the guns at the house had begun to weigh on her.

Wong entered with a tray, three small mugs and a plate of the freshly fried flatbread. The scents beckoned to her and the strength of orange blossoms scent increased.

Stephen took a seat at one end of the table while Wong placed the tea tray in the center of the table before taking the seat opposite her. “Welcome to the Sanctum Sanctorum, Natasha Romanoff,” he said, his formal tone returning. “We have tea and we have bread. Stephen indicated you would want to know me before you would wish to discuss the reasons for your visit so we will talk of simpler things over our meal.”

Flicking a look at Stephen briefly, she inclined her head. “I am grateful for your welcome and I look forward to sharing tea with you.” No matter how discomfiting the presence. Natalia reminded herself she trusted Stephen. It was why she agreed to come here. 

Then again, she didn’t know Wong.

The man in question offered her a brief smile before he began pouring the tea. The rich, verdant scent grew even stronger almost beckoning her to relax. “Forgive the impertinence, but what’s in the tea?”

Wong gave her a measuring look. “The base is jasmine, a green tea, with lemongrass and lemon myrtle added to enhance the flavors. The blossoms have been dried, of course, along with a touch of roses and the hint of a squeezed lime. We have honey if you require it.”

“No,” she said simply. “Thank you.”

Once the tea had been poured he passed the small mugs to each of them. Natalia waited as they lifted their cups and then considered it before them. Cloaky gave her another comforting squeeze.

What had she said to Tony about paranoia earlier?

“I assure you, Natasha,” Stephen said. “There is nothing in the tea except tea.”

“But your skepticism speaks to a long history of mistrust,” Wong interceded. “I am assuming this was healthy in your life, a safety precaution. I could prepare the tea again while you oversee everything if you wish.”

“That’s kind,” Natalia acknowledged the offer. “But unnecessary.” She lifted the tea and bowed her head politely before taking a sip. They each followed suit before setting their handleless mugs down. Then Wong served the fried flatbread onto plates with tongs and passed them around.

Again, she inclined her head in thanks before breaking off a piece and trying it. The tea had been a heady flavor, the citrus filling her nostrils and easing some of her tension as she sipped it. Even as she’d rolled the tea around her tongue, she tasted no deception or danger. If anything, she found it to be quite pleasant and just the right amount of zesty tartness to encourage alertness. 

The flatbread was crispy, if a little flavorless, nothing to compete with the tea. Another sip and another bite, then Stephen said, “Now that we have observed formalities.” It was a verbal nudge to Wong who sighed.

“You westerners. Always so impatient.”

At that Natalia chuckled. “We can certainly finish the tea if you prefer.” Observation told her a great deal about Wong—including the fact he seemed to enjoy teasing Stephen. There was a balanced friendship between them, the kind that developed between comrades-in-arms or following a long acquaintance. Whichever lay at the heart of theirs, it allowed her to extend a measure of trust, albeit wary, to the other man.

“No, it’s fine,” Wong said. “Stephen has told me some of your troubles and only those germane to why you are coming to us today. But I would hear it from you, if you would be so inclined.”

This was at least more pleasant than a visit to medical, so she kept it to the salient details. The psychological programming and triggers, her own complicity in it, and the fact keywords were used.

“What happens when these words are spoken?”

“I blank,” she admitted. “I’m a blank slate, ready to accept any order from the handler who has keyed me. Perform any task without regard for who I’m pointed at. It essentially makes me a loaded, exceptionally dangerous gun who can problem solve.”

Considering some of the things Richardson had her do over their time?

Beyond dangerous.

“We tested the words a few days ago and they are still very much active.”

“But you were able to slip out of the control?”

“They basically keyed it, the mission was over, I could remember what happened and just resume normal.”

Wong frowned and cast a glance at Stephen. The doctor shook his head. “I would have thought once we restored your memories and the damage to your brain healed this type of thing wouldn’t affect you. You remember it, so it’s not a trapdoor.”

“Just because I know the trapdoor is under the rug and tucked out of sight, doesn’t mean it isn’t still useful or a possible egress for others.”

“Point,” Stephen conceded. He set his folded arms on the table and leaned forward. “What you need is to erase the efficacy of the keying sequence.”

“I’d prefer to just destroy it but the word erase will suffice.” She wanted no more erasures. No more pieces of herself chipped away. “I don’t want to be turned into a weapon that will hurt anyone much less the Avengers.” Her family.

“What you are asking for may take a great deal of time,” Wong said. “It is no simple feat to convince the mind of what it wants or needs.”

“I’m aware,” she said. “I’m also aware that I was complicit in doing this to myself. I believed one thing and didn’t trust my instincts. I am more than willing to devote my time to undoing it—the problem is, I don’t have a great deal of time. I’m needed in the field and back in public.”

“An unwise course if you are such a threat,” Wong reminded her needlessly.

“Hence why I’m here.”

He nodded. “I need to do some research. A visit to the library in Kamar-Taj, but I’ll be back in a few hours. Until then, you should stay. Rest. Meditate. You have time here.”

After Wong left them, Natalia turned to Stephen. “I can’t stay here for days.”

“You can,” Stephen told her. “They won’t even notice.”

“I think they will…”

“You don’t understand, Natasha,” Stephen said as he rose. “Come, I want to show you something.”

What he wanted to show her was a room with three huge glass windows that looked out on different parts of the world different still from the mountain range where they had tea. Pivoting, she looked at him. “Magic?”

She hated the indefinable.

It was…harder to defeat. Not impossible.

Just more difficult. She’d cut off the Mandarin’s hand after all.

“There are three sanctums on Earth. Where you Avengers defend against physical threats, we protect against far more nefarious ones. Other dimensions. Other places. Other times.”

“Oh, please don’t give me a multiverse discussion without a lot of vodka. Quantum physics requires vodka.”

He chuckled. “Let’s just say…” he turned something and the image of desert turned to the bustling streets of Los Angeles where street repairs were in earnest. “That we aren’t there. We’re here. What happens here, happens in its own time. We have all the time we need to solve this issue and I’ll have you back before lunch on the day you left.”

On the day she left…

“How long do you think it’s going to take?”

“I don’t know,” Stephen said as he turned the device and the desert reappeared. “But I will take all the time you need. Because you’re right, none of us can afford for you to be turned into a weapon.”

“Let me guess, I can’t walk out that front door.”

“I’m afraid not.”

She turned that over in her head. “You’re a real son of a bitch.”

“Sometimes,” he said. “But you knew that when you reached out to me.”

He wasn’t wrong. She’d known he’d lock her down if he perceived a threat. They were alike in some ways. 

“And you need someone to talk to about the burden the memories have placed on you.”

Natalia shrugged. She’d confided in him before. “It’s more than just the memories.” It was the loss. The discovery. The betrayals.

The high cost for living so long she was still paying.

“Well, now we have time… chess?”

She glanced at him, studying him carefully. “I’ll go back to the same day I left?”

“I promise. They will never have to know how long it takes if you don’t want them to know. It might just be a few hours, we don’t know yet. But they won’t miss you, on that, you have my word.”

They’d missed her enough.

Blowing out a breath, she glanced down at her bracelets. “They might know…”

“No,” Stephen said. “Even Stark’s technology won’t penetrate the Sanctum. It will record the time out there, not in here.”

“Yet I can text you?”

She tugged out her phone and checked the date on it. It was the same day. Not even a minute had passed though.

Not one. Single. Minute.

Stephen met her gaze. “Chess?”

“How long is Wanda here when you bring her to train?”

“Long enough,” he said. “She’s gaining more control. Control she needs and she uses a lot of the lessons you’ve already taught her. You’re a good teacher, she just needed something different.”

On that, they didn’t disagree.

“If this place is outside of time… can you go back?”

“No,” he said. It was probably the first lie he’d ever told her. “While not impossible, messing with time is too dangerous with too many consequences. Time does not like to be twisted.”

But he could…

“Natasha,” Stephen told her quietly. “If I could give you that peace, I would. But I can’t. I need you to believe me on that subject.”

She didn’t want to believe him. Then again, magic was not a cure-all. He’d said that over and over again. 

Tucking her phone into her back pocket, she pivoted and motioned for him to lead onward. “Chess it is.”

As he guided her from the room and down the stairs toward a library, she said, “You do have vodka in this place, right?”

Stephen chuckled. “I’m sure we can find something.”

No matter how long it took, when she went back she didn’t want to be a threat to any of them. She rubbed her finger against the ring. As long as they didn’t have to  _ miss _ her again.

They’d been through enough. 

  
  



	20. Time in a Bottle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time might move differently in the sanctum, but Nat still seems stuck while Strange and Wong work to help her break the triggers.

**Chapter Twenty**

_ Time in a Bottle _

**Natalia/Natasha**

_ Day One _

Sitting across from Stephen, she sipped her tea and waited patiently as he studied the board. They had been playing for over two hours. Methodical to an extreme, Stephen studied every move she made. If she was right, he played out the idea of several moves and her possible responses before he selected a piece to move. The more methodical the player, the harder it is to trip them up—unless you switched to random moves.

Mirroring his intensity, she did exactly that and with each subsequent move, he’d taken longer to respond. It entertained her. Particularly as the passage of time seemed vivid to her despite the fact he insisted time moved differently here versus elsewhere. Worrying the guys was not on her list of things to do. More, she did not want to worry Peter. They’d all been through hell, if she could accomplish this task out of time, then she could get there without putting them through more needless suffering.

Cloaky remained wrapped around her shoulders, though Stephen had remarked, “She’s perfectly safe here.” The cloak ignored him.

While she hadn’t expected an answer to come swiftly, she remained surprised when night seemed to fall and there had been no word from Wong. When they concluded the second of their games with him narrowly boxing her into a checkmate after she soundly trounced him in the first one, she was exhausted.

They ate a simple dinner of chicken and vegetable wraps, then Stephen showed her to a room. “I know you didn’t bring a bag, there are clothes in the dresser and closet that should fit. Simple things, but you’ll find your size. There are also extra blankets if you need them.” He flicked a hand and a fire leapt to life in the hearth. “I have work to do,” he continued. “I’ll see you in the morning. If you need anything from the kitchen, feel free to help yourself. I’m not restricting you to your room, but I would appreciate it if you didn’t disturb any of the items throughout the house. Not all of them are as friendly as the cloak.”

Then he closed the door, a moment later, he opened it again.

“Oh, before I forget, Xanadu.”

“Excuse me?” She raised her brows. “A magic word to open the doors or something?”

“The Wi-Fi password. Time may move differently, but we’re not savages.” He closed the door again before she could let out the snort of laughter.

Only after he was gone and she turned the lock herself did Cloaky slip free of her. He swept the room, then returned to the door.

“Guarding it?”

The cloak bobbed once.

“For me or for him?”

It actually shrugged.

“Good talk.”

No response.

Running her hands over her arms, she glanced around. The room was nice enough if a little dark. A big bed, heavy coverlet. The colors were a variant of greens. There was a forest scene on the wall though it was incredible in its depth. “Is that a window?” she asked Cloaky absently. “Or just a magic painting?”

When the cloak didn’t respond, she rapped her knuckles against the scene. Solid. Not glass.

Though she was in Shangri-La, so who knew? A quick search of the room revealed it to be pretty much what it appeared, if luxurious and yet classic in the same breath, a bedroom. There was an attached bathroom with a sunken, clawfoot tub that just begged to be soaked in. She turned on the water and found oils she could add. The rich scents of vanilla, orange, and lotus flooded the room even as the water turned steamy.

She checked her phone. The time on it reflected a minute since she’d left.

A minute.

Tony hadn’t even had time to leave the living room. Liho was probably still sitting on the back of the sofa, tail lashing. James and Steve were still with Peter and May. Clint was still with his family. The Avengers were at the Compound.

Her family was safe.

A minute.

A lot could happen in a minute, but it was such an infinitesimal amount of time.

_ “We’re in no hurry.” _

Pulling her hair up, she fixed it to the top of her head as Steve’s voice whispered to her from the night before. As she stepped into the water, she let out a sigh. The hot water felt fantastic. Despite the ‘relaxing’ day, tension locked in her muscles. Sinking back, she leaned her head against the porcelain and braced one foot to keep herself stable.

Time.

Time to heal.

To get rid of the triggers.

To be herself.

It also meant time away from them. Time they wouldn’t notice but she would.

She could do it.

Letting her eyes drift closed, she slowed her breathing.

The compartments might be gone, but she had the time to rebuild. Her heart gave a little twist. They were fine. They wouldn’t know.

It would be seamless, right?

_ Day Four… _

__

At one hundred push-ups, she rolled to her back and began the crunches. Her arms were on fire. But she had little else to do here. Stephen didn’t have a dance studio per se, so she’d made do in one of the rooms with fewer items in it and a fairly wide-open space. Cloaky lingered nearby as she went through her workout. It had started as yoga and stretching, then she transitioned to muscle building.

The first day of push-ups, she’d nearly fallen on her face. Her muscles had trembled so badly. Pathetic. The little voice in the back of her head demanding she do more, that she push further. She was marble, its litany continued. While today was only her second workout—she had waited the two extra days left on her recovery—there was already improvement.

Admittedly, she’d soaked in a hot bath for over an hour the night before and had to stretch when she first got up. One hundred crunches and her abdominals joined her arms by catching on fire. She switched to more controlled stretches, then rose up into a handstand.

The blood rushing to her head set her ears pounding, but she focused on control even as sweat slicked over her. In battle, there was no time for fumbling or trembling. Everything had to be precise.

Next came forward lunges. Then squats. She did tumbles after that. Then came side lunges. While not dancing per se, it required all of her muscle control when she cooled down with katas.

“I’m beginning to wonder if you have a concept of recuperation and taking it easy.” Stephen’s dry voice was hardly a surprise. He’d taken to showing up around this time of day. She had no idea where he went when he vanished. She hadn’t asked and he hadn’t offered.

“No,” she said, not ceasing her motions as she flowed from one movement to the next. “I understand what it means and what you expect. I also gave it precisely two weeks. Time may move differently here, but by my estimations, it’s been four days. Physical restrictions lifted two days ago.”

“Upgrading to only  _ light _ physical activity,” Stephen countered.

“This is light.”

He snorted and she cut a look toward him.

“No one is hitting me back.”

Folding his arms, he gave her a look of stern disapproval. “The extremes under which you trained are not a healthy regimen.”

“The extremes under which I trained keep me alive. They keep my family alive.”

Except Mary.

Pain lanced through her as she straightened.

That snide little voice sounded suspiciously like Madame B.

Shutting the door on it, she faced Stephen fully. “Come to tell me Wong has found something? Or are you just scolding me for being a bad Natalia?”

A faint smile curved his lips. “I can hardly scold you. You aren’t a child. I can disapprove and I can inform you I think you’re making poor choices. It’s still your life.”

“Well, who knew?” Though his statement settled the tension winding through her.

“As for Wong, yes, we have an idea we would like to try if you are amenable to the experiment.”

“Not a big fan of the word,” she admitted as she swiped a hand over her sweaty face.

A towel appeared from nowhere and Stephen caught it before he tossed it to her. “Clean up, meet me downstairs in my study.”

Then he strode away.

Well, let it not be said the man minced words. It took her all of ten minutes to strip out of her workout clothes and shower. She didn’t remove the ring on her hand, the dog tags, or the bracelets. Right now, those were her grounding points. She’d rather wished she’d brought Peter’s necklace, too.

_ Sentimentality will get you killed… _

_ Trust no one. _

_ You have no friends. _

_ You need no friends. _

_ Friends make you weak. _

_ Friends make you stupid. _

_ Friends will get you killed. _

_ There is only you, you and your strength. _

_ You have no place in this world. _

Madame B’s words washed over her as she rinsed her hair and she closed her eyes.

She was aware.

She just didn’t care.

She had friends.

More, she had a family.

It didn’t matter if she didn’t  _ need _ them.

She  _ wanted _ them.

Friends also made her stronger.

Friends made her want to be better.

Friends pushed her to be faster and smarter to protect them.

Her family was her strength. For them, there was nothing she wouldn’t do.

She had a place in their worlds, they’d made one.

Eyes open, she found Cloaky hovering outside the shower.

“Don’t worry Lassie, even if I fell into that well. I know how to climb out.”

The cloak flicked at her and she found herself grinning as she shut off the water.

“Good, I was worried you were never going to sass me.”

He had certainly sassed the others. After she dressed in the borrowed clothes from the dresser, pale gray loose pants and a top in a matching shade, she dragged on socks and then headed downstairs. Despite how drafty the house should be, it wasn’t. The fire was always on in her room now, but it was never suffocating and she never got cold.

A relief, even if she had trouble sleeping alone. Who knew that had become an issue? Cloaky had taken to wrapping over her like so much weight and she could imagine it was one of them holding her and that let her sleep.

That dependence worried her on some levels.

But she refused to dwell on it. That was another trap she didn’t want to fall into.

It had been four minutes now according to her phone. 

One minute for each day she'd been here. 

Cloaky settled on her shoulders as she headed out of the room. Her hair was still damp and there was still a faint trembling in her muscles. They’d likely be sore later, but she wanted that soreness. Soreness said she was alive and she was getting stronger.

Stephen snapped shut a book he was reading when she entered. “You look refreshed.”

“Good. How do you want to do this?”

“Are you prepared to give me the command words?”

“Yes.” She crossed to the desk and claimed one of the pens and a sheet of paper.

“While I appreciate the faith, I expected a hair more resistance.”

“Well, I let you play with my brain already, Stephen. I trusted you to help me get my memories back.” Not to mention she'd allowed him to confine her here.

“True.” He dipped his chin, an acknowledgement. “Thank you for continuing to trust me.”

Lifting the paper, she held it a beat rather than offering it to him. “Just be careful. I don’t think there’s anything hidden under those commands, but when I am in that state—I am very compliant to any order from the person who coded me.”

“Understood. You have my word, I will allow nothing to happen to you, Natasha.”

She believed him.

With care, he studied the words on the page and then looked at her. “Ready?”

“No, but let’s do it anyway.”

Dropping the pen on the desk, she took a step back and then glanced at the cloak around her. “Don’t let me hurt him.”

It rubbed her cheek once and then she met Stephen’s gaze. The respect rather than pity in his eyes startled her. He didn’t waste time on platitudes or asking her again if she was ready. He read off the words and the white noise curtain dropped blanking her out.

_ Day Eight _

__

“Again,” Natalia called and Stephen shook his head.

“You’re going to exhaust yourself.”

“That’s kind of the idea,” she told him as she began twirling the staff. “You seem to be able to hold your own.”

Even if it was with magic.

Like her, he’d dressed in gray leggings and a simple gray shirt. He conjured shields and whips to fend her off or created a staff of his own from the magic. Easier for him to manipulate than staves.

Fortunately, he needed no further prompting as he lunged forward. The gold snap of magic crashed against her stave and she pivoted. They exchanged offense and defense easily. He fought to get past her, but she held him off and drove him back. The burn along her back, quads, and arms added to the mood lift the flood of endorphins was giving her.

“You slept last night.” He narrowly missed her with a whip of power. While they wouldn’t really injure her, they stung like a bitch.

“I did.” She slapped his right biceps with a hit. The control it took her to pull the force every time was good for her. The first time she’d actually struck him, surprise had creased his face. He hadn’t truly been pulling his hits and she was pretty sure he realized the difference.

Still, she had no intention of harming her host. If she got a few bruises, it just meant she needed to move faster. Disarming him would require incapacitating his hands. You could learn a lot about a person by sparring with them. While he may not be a fighter by preference, he possessed skill and determination.

He was also clever.

Clever made for dangerous opponents.

“But not for very long.”

“Checking up on me?”

“You didn’t sleep for nearly two days after the test, so yes. I was concerned.”

“Not a fan of total loss of control, Stephen.” She avoided another strike and tapped his ass before she swept his leg and when he went down, she ‘struck’ halting the stave just above his throat. “I told you that. It was a nice attempt though. I can’t fault the logic.”

He’d ordered her to forget the commands. But she wouldn’t do it. In trying a variation on a theme, they’d spent an hour with him instructing her on any number of tasks, but the one he wanted her to do—to forget the power of the trigger words wouldn’t take.

Probably because she was triggered. A little chicken and egg scenario. Either way, by the time he released her and she flooded back in—no, she hadn’t wanted to sleep.

Panting, he spread his hands in surrender. “I understand. But sleep is something you still require.”

“All humans require sleep,” she retorted.

“Not all humans regenerate brain tissue and recover from severe neurological trauma while also coping with devastating emotional and psychological trauma.”

Straightening as she swung the staff away from him, she reached out a hand. He clasped hers and let her help him to his feet. The funny thing about Stephen, he looked like a beanpole, but he was pretty damn solid.

“I sleep when I need to. A couple of bad nights aren’t going to hurt me.”

“A couple of bad nights where you drink every bottle of vodka I picked up for you isn’t healthy either.” There was that chastising tone again.

“Okay, Dad, but remember, I’m Russian. I like my vodka.”

“Uh huh.” He rolled his eyes and then shook his head. “We’re done now.”

“Party pooper.”

With a snort, he motioned to her. “We’re both sweaty. Wong will be arriving soon with the next trial. He feels he has found something that may be more effective.”

“Too bad I can’t just find the guy who did it and put a bullet in his head and make everyone forget the words exist.” Take away the person who could pull the trigger and she’d just be the loaded gun under her own direction.

“I’d prefer if we could find a less violent method.”

“That’s where we’re different,” she said as she placed the staff back on the wall. This room, she liked. It was a gallery layout. High ceilings, fat windows, and weapons on every single wall. Some had a hum to them that she avoided and only chose those that didn’t vibrate when her hand went near them.

Personally, she didn’t think they’d do anything bad and a magically powered weapon sounded great—except she didn’t want to find out the hard way.

Maybe later, Stephen would trust her with an inventory. He’d brought her here after her second sleepless night. He’d let her choose any weapon she wanted—she’d gravitated toward the non-edged ones for now, but she had her eye on a pair of swords that looked fantastic. For two hours, he’d thrown everything at her, including some illusions.

It had been a great workout and after, she’d been able to eat, bathe, and sleep.

Natalia hated to admit this but she was fucking bored.

She’d run into the wall on her research, everything she had on the explosion that took Mary didn’t offer her a lot of leads. While ‘out of time’ she couldn’t access whatever Friday had gathered. It was enough to give her a headache trying to work out the physics of it all.

Part of her wanted to memorize all of it because the guys would have questions. But she wasn’t sure she ever wanted them to know about the time. Then again, she didn’t want to lie to them.

And yes, she missed them.

Ached with it. At least they weren’t trapped somewhere or worse—frozen.

Endure. All she had to do was endure. Solve the triggers and she could go back.

By the time she returned downstairs after showering and changing, Wong was in the kitchen preparing another round of tea. Stephen stood a couple of steps away, irritation in his expression.

“That’s the best you could come up with?”

“It’s the most likely to be efficient and to accomplish the goals Ms. Romanoff desires…or is it Mrs. Stark?” Wong gave her a faint smile.

“Stop reading the gossip rags,” Stephen said with another aggrieved sigh. “We had that discussion.”

“But they entertain me,” Wong countered.

“Just call me Natalia or Natasha. Either is fine.” She liked Wong. He did not smile, but he did have a very dry sense of humor.

“See, two first names. Two last names. It fits. Two people.”

“She isn’t two people,” Stephen stated. “She’s lived a long time.”

“Yes, much like the Ancient One did and there is a time to face yourself, to clean out that which you do not like.”

“Anytime you two want to read me in on your little plan, I’d love to hear it.” As entertaining as they might be, they were discussing her.

“When the tea is prepared,” Wong told her.

Fifteen minutes later, seated in the same room where they’d shared tea on the day she arrived, Wong focused on her.

“Everything I have researched tells me the same answer. Even Stephen’s experiment tells me the answer.  _ You _ told me the answer when we discussed this.”

“I have to do it.”

He inclined his head. “You have stated you assisted him in reorienting your cognitive processes. You decided on the mindset. You lulled yourself into complacency and you allowed the triggers to be placed. Subconsciously or consciously, you participated.”

Exhaling, she leaned back and braced her hands against the floor.

“The solution,” Wong said as he poured the tea, “requires that you do the same again, and remove the commands the way they were entered.”

That required dredging through stories she’d rather never think about again much less tell.

“You must rob the past of its power over the present.”

Sounded simple?

“You don’t have to do it alone,” Stephen said quietly. “But I rather doubt it will be a process anyone enjoys.”

No, she couldn’t imagine they would.

_ Day Ten… _

“The best way to confront this is to confront how it was done,” Wong stated. “That means you must talk about each stage of it.”

“We have talked about it,” she reminded him. They’d talked about it for two days. Well, correction, she’d talked and he’d sat there, expressionless as he listened. Stephen had observed but said little. She’d spent more time with both men over the last forty-eight hours than she had since arriving here.

If she had a hand in setting the conditions, then they had to review how it was done—during the sessions with Richardson. What had she discussed? What areas had they focused on? What exercises?

Natalia had replayed it to the point, she could almost smell the man’s cologne and taste the awful spearmint gum he used to chew during every session.

It was enough to nauseate her.

“Then we must discuss it again,” Wong said simply. “You are not focusing on the triggers.”

_ Day Thirteen… _

“I’m not doing it today,” she informed them as she sailed into the kitchen, Cloaky drifting along in her wake. She filled a mug with coffee and headed out. Sleep had been almost impossible. When she did manage to drift off, nightmares yanked her awake.

She’d resorted to binding her wrist the night before and lashing it to a post on the bed. When she realized what she’d done, she’d gotten up and abandoned all pretense of sleep.

“I fail to see how this will help you accomplish your goals,” Wong commented. “I understand it’s difficult.”

“What we’ve been doing isn’t working either,” she said, not slowing. “So count me out.”

At the moment, she was ready to just go back to isolation at the cliff house. At least there she could see the others.

_ Day Fifteen… _

The gentle rap of knuckles against the wall pulled her attention from the book she’d been mostly ignoring in her lap and she met Stephen’s gaze. Standing in the doorway, he studied her.

“Two days.”

“I know. I needed a break.”

“No, you need to acknowledge the piece you recognized and why you decided to stop. We may be out of time, but you cannot stay here indefitely. It’s not in your nature.”

“I’m aware,” she said, leaning her head back.

“Then why did you end the sessions?”

“They weren’t working. We’re no closer than we were when I arrived.” If anything they felt further afield. The restlessness was back. She was up to training three hours a day and even when she was ready to drop from exhaustion; sleep was either elusive or plagued by twisted nightmares.

When Mary showed up in them as a student of the Red Room, she couldn’t bear to shut her eyes again.

“I believe we established that. Now tell me why it isn’t working.”

“You seem certain it should be.”

“Wong is correct. You know it. I know it.”

He wasn’t wrong.

“You have tremendous willpower, Natasha. You have a fierce mind. I, maybe better than most, know exactly what you endured to reach where you are now. Will you get out of your own way?”

“I have discussed it repeatedly, every nuance of our conversation—the events he probed. The missions he focused on.”

“Yes, you have focused on the past he brought up in the sessions. Not the part of your past those sessions themselves represent. Not who you were when you made those choices. Not what he asked of you. Not the very sessions.”

“No one needs to know that.”

Stephen sighed. “Well, then you leave me very little choice.” With that, he turned on his heel and left.

Cloaky remained on vigil near the door and she glanced back at the book again. What he asked was not something she was willing to discuss. It wasn’t important…

Not ten minutes later, there was the sound of footsteps in the hall and she glanced up.

“So,” Clint said as he strolled in. “Hiding?”

“What the hell are you doing here?” Natalia shut the book and stood.

Dressed in jeans, a long-sleeved plaid shirt open over a white thermal, he looked every inch the relaxed farmer.

“Heard my best friend needed me. Here I am.”

“You’re supposed to be with your family.” But she was already crossing the room.

He swept her into a hug with a sigh. “I am with my family, you stubborn, crazy Russian.”

Eyes closed, she gripped him tight even as he pressed his cheek to her head. Solid. Real. He even smelled like the farm—and vaguely of wet dog. “Crap.”

“Yeah, it’s good to see you, too.”

Even as he chuckled, she swatted him and pulled back. “When is it for you?” Stephen said the sanctum was out of time, but…

“Yeah, Mr. Wizard explained. I called you last night to tell you about the baby.” He studied her. “You were sending Peter back to the city this morning.”

So it was still the same day she’d left.

“How long have you been here, Tasha?”

“A little while,” she admitted. When she would have pulled away, he tightened his grip and kept her there.

“How long?”

“Stephen didn’t tell you?”

“Maybe he did. Maybe he didn’t. I’m asking you.” Gray-green eyes focused on her and he didn’t budge an inch. “Talk. To. Me.”

Shoulders sinking, she tilted her head back. “A little over two weeks.”

“Christ. Why are you hiding here?”

“I’m not hiding.”

“Okay. Then what are you calling it? Strategic retreat? Regrouping? What?”

“I asked Stephen for help with the triggers. He and his friend did some research. If I can’t get them out of my head, I’m never getting off the bench.”

“I’m listening.”

She shook off his hold and this time he released her. Pacing away, she folded her arms and gave a little shrug. “They’ve tried a couple of things, but everything they’ve done—just points to me being the cause of it working.”

“All right. Read me in,” he moved to perch on the edge of a chair, his attention riveted on her. “How are you the cause?”

Natalia shook her head. “I participated. I was—am complicit.”

“Because SHIELD recommended you see the shrink, Nat. That doesn’t make you complicit. You were ordered.”

She snorted. “You could say that for a lot of the things I did. That doesn’t mean I didn’t do them. I gave them a leash.”

“No,” Clint exhaled the word. “ _ You _ didn’t.”

“You weren’t there.”

“Exactly.”

Stiffening, she glared at him. “This was not your fault.”

“Wasn’t it?” He raised his brows. “I promised you safety and I handed you over to them. To him. I sat outside that room how many times while you were in there doing God knows what.”

She cut her gaze away.

“And only he knows because you won’t tell me.”

“You don’t need to know.”

“Why not?”

“Because it would only hurt you and you would blame  _ you. _ ” Shaking her head, she dropped the defensive posturing and straightened. She’d never convince Clint if she kept retreating. “It’s not your fault. I chose to take your offer. I agreed to stay. I participated in every step of the deprogramming.”

Scratching his jaw, he said, “I gave you the choice of coming in or dying.”

“I wasn’t afraid of death.”

“No,” he said quietly “You’ve never been afraid to die.”

“You weren’t going to kill me.”

“You didn’t know that then.”

“No,” she said. It had been Mary’s birthday and the depression that swallowed her that day left her bereft in a way she hadn’t been in a long time. Nothingness would have been preferable. “But I didn’t die…I made a friend.”

That same birthday Mary had probably been pregnant with Peter. Just days, weeks away from Will learning his Natalie was alive.

“And so did I. C’mon, Nat. It’s me. Nothing you can say to me is going to change my opinion of you one iota. Before. Now. Always. You and me.”

Clearing her throat, she turned her back and paced away. She liked this library. There were so many books.

“It’s not like you to be afraid.”

“I’m not afraid.”

“Then what are you?”

“I don’t know.” It was the truth.

“The day I brought you in, Fury threatened to throw me in a cell. Over the next few days and weeks, I went through a lot of brutal debriefs. Nowhere near as much as you did. But I endured them because you were worth it. I believed in the decision I made. Looking back, maybe it was a fool’s gambit. But I didn’t want to kill you, Kid and I am fucking grateful every damn day that I didn’t.”

Tears burned her eyes. “Idiot.”

“Damn straight. But here’s the thing… I promised you I would always have your back.”

“You have.”

“But I didn’t.”

She pivoted and met his agonized stare. 

“Clint…”

“I didn’t. If I’d had your back, I’d never have let you spend an hour more with Richardson than you had that first week. The guy was supposed to be helping you. After every session with him, you were always a little off. I put it down to talking to the shrink. I hated talking to them. When I asked you about it, you always said the same thing.”

She sighed.

“I didn’t have your back.” Rising, Clint tapped a fist to his chest. “I broke my promise to you. Then. When Pierce took you. When Fury sent you on every single one of those missions. When I was the one playing handler to you having to seduce some schmuck to get us what we needed. There were other ways—“

“Not always as efficient.”

“Fuck efficient.” The heat scorching those words weren’t directed at her. “If it’s not my fault what happened. Then fucking tell me what that bastard did. Tell me what he made you do.”

“You don’t need…”

“Yes, I do.” He took another step toward her. “Here’s the thing, Tash. If it wasn’t a big deal, you’d have already told me. Why do you think I keep asking? Why do you think I’m here? Don’t get me wrong, a quick trip to Oz is great, but I’d like to avoid the flying monkeys if at all possible.”

She didn’t crack a smile. It wasn’t a great joke.

Or maybe her own sense of humor lacked something.

“Strange came and said you were fighting talking about this. Nothing they’ve done has gotten you to open up about it. You talk around it. You talk around it to me. Have you told Steve? Bucky?”

She shook her head. “It would only…”

“It would only what? Upset them? What about Tony? Did you tell him?”

“No.”

“Who have you told?”

Glaring, she said, “I haven’t told anyone.”

“Why not?”

No answer was readily forthcoming. She didn’t even want to think about Richardson.

“How much is he still in your head?”

“He’s not. What he took I have back.”

“No,” Clint said slowly. “I wish like hell that was true, but no you don’t, Tash.”

“How do you know?” She locked gazes with him. “He took memories, Clint. I have them now. He took control, I have that, too.”

“If you had the control, you’d talk to me. You’d debrief me like we would have any other op. You told me what happened when the raiders took that village. You told me what happened when they drugged you during that interrogation in Syria. You debriefed me on why you castrated every single one of the Somalian pirates before we could get aboard. I have seen you beaten, drugged, abused…”

“Stop.”

“No,” Clint said, blowing out a breath. “You don’t run away. You may be reckless, forget that you’re worth so much more than you allow, and believe for some damn reason that if someone hurts you it’s better because they aren’t hurting someone else. I’ve heard those reasons, Nat. I know the people you’ve saved because you let it happen to you. What. The. Fuck. Did. Richardson. Do? And  _ why _ are you protecting him?”

“I’m not protecting  _ him _ ,” she spit out those words.

“Then who are you protecting?”

“Clint…”

“Who, Nat? Who are you protecting?”

Closing her eyes, she said, “Do you remember the night you passed out in my apartment when we got back from Estonia?”

“Second year. Second mission after you were allowed to live off SHIELD property.”

She nodded. At the time, she hadn’t known about Laura yet. He hadn’t told her.

“We were exhausted, between the mission, the flight, and the debrief. You were also really…your debrief was with Richardson.”

Another nod. She really didn’t want to talk about this.

“Tell me what happened, Nat.” The quiet demand there dragged on her. “Please?”

Meeting his gaze, she sighed. “I don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

“Because…”

Encouragement filled his eyes. “Because?”

Curling her fingers into her hands, she dug her nails into her palms. “Because I wanted to be better for you. To be trustworthy. To be…not what they made me to be.”

“Nat,” Clint said closing the distance. “I trust you. You have to know that.”

“You didn’t trust me then.”

“Yes, I did,” he insisted.

“You still had to fill out reports on me,” she reminded him. “You had to monitor my behavior and… Fury tied your future to mine.”

Clint went still.

Blowing out a slow breath, she said, “I need copious amounts of alcohol for this.”

“Don’t stop now,” Clint said. “Unless you know a direct route to a bar.”

“Believe it or not…”

“Oh, I believe it. It’s you.” Despite the encouragement and the smile, she turned away from it. Everything went icy as she led the way from the room with the cloak moving right along with them.

“You do know it’s weird that Cloaky here is so attached, right?”

“It’s actually kind of nice,” she admitted. “He’s been great.”

“Only you, Tash.”

There was no sign of Stephen or Wong when they got to the kitchen. She opened the freezer and there were a half dozen bottles already waiting for her. Clint whistled.

“Apparently the doc knows you well.”

She smirked but gathered a couple while Clint got the others. Then she snagged two glasses.

“I have a room, we can go… talk there if you don’t mind.”

“Lead the way, Kid.”

The delay wouldn’t last long, but she stretched it out as far as she could. Once in her room, she locked the door and set the bottles down on a table. The fire burned cheerfully and Clint studied the forest scene on the wall.

“Okay, that looks eerily like you’re actually sleeping out in the open.”

“Yeah, probably why I can’t sleep.”

“That and all the open real estate in the bed,” he commented and she flipped him off.

His rough chuckle soothed her. Cracking open one of the bottles, he filled a glass nearly to the brim for her and then set the bottle down.

“You’re not drinking?”

“No, I know that look in your eye,” he said soberly. “You drink all you want. I’ll be the designated…um…Oz driver, I guess. We don’t want to land this house on anyone.”

A laugh worked its way out of her as she shook her head. “You’re killing it with the wizard jokes.”

“I try,” he admitted though his expression did actually relax a fraction. Natalia knocked back the whole glass in one long swallow. Clint refilled it and waited.

She stared at the fire.

“You were saying…”

“From the very first session, Richardson asked about you.” She could see his face clearly as she sat in the chair opposite him. “The first words out of his mouth were…”

_ “Ms. Romanoff, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. But I believe we should get this off on the correct foot. You can sit there and try to seduce me as you did Agent Barton, but I would implore you to remember that his well-being is now solely in your hands…” _

__

“Excuse the fuck out of me?” Clint asked quietly.

“He briefed me on Fury’s standing orders. That if I went rogue…whatever punishment I faced you would face. If I didn’t cooperate if I resisted being better than the monster I was… it would reflect on you. That you had literally put a noose around your neck and I was the lever.”

It sounded almost asinine in retrospect. Then again, knowing what she knew about Fury  _ now _ ? Still utterly plausible.

After knocking back another glass, set it down and just picked up the bottle. If Clint wasn’t going to drink, she could skip the niceties. Carrying it and a second one to the bed, she set them down and then sat back against the headboard, legs stretched out in front of her.

“Okay, so Richardson used me as leverage.”

“No, he used my feelings for you as leverage.”

“That’s not much better, Tash.”

“You aren’t responsible for my feelings.”

“You weren’t responsible for my choices.”

“That wasn’t how Fury saw it.”

“Well, fuck Fury. We’ll talk about his bullshit next. Back to Richardson. Tell me what happened in those sessions.” Clint flopped onto the foot of the bed and rolled onto his side.

“Everything?”

“Everything, Kid. Let it out of whatever vault he’s had you keeping it in. Blow the damn door off.”

“It’s not pretty.”

“I can handle it.”

“Maybe I don’t want you to have to this on you?”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have been shouldering it on your own. Maybe if I’d been a better partner you wouldn’t have been.”

“You were the best partner I could have asked for.”

“Eh,” he said. “If I was…you’d let me help you.”

Natalia narrowed her eyes. “Manipulative choice.”

“Effective. I know you trust me,” he said, meeting her gaze steadily. “You can trust me. Let me  _ help _ dammit. Tell me what I need to know, Tash. Tell me what you need to let go of.”

“Every session, he asked what I wanted. Every time, I said the same thing.”

_ “I want to be a SHIELD agent.” _

_ “Why?” _

_ “Because Barton says I can be better. I want to be better.” _

__

Clint’s expression went pained, but he didn’t look away. In between long draughts of the vodka, she told him everything. Every raw, filthy, complicit piece. Right up to the night he passed out in her apartment.

“There’s a picture of you… from that night.”

He frowned.

“A picture I took,” she said. “You were sound asleep in the bed. I’d lugged you there after you passed out. Got you comfortable and then crawled into the bed to get sleep myself. You really couldn’t hold your scotch.”

“Yeah well, not all of us have livers of steel.”

She smiled faintly. “It was just like any other night. Only now I know I woke up in the middle of the night, got out my gun, loaded it and my knife and determined every way I could kill you, then chose the most lethal and put the knife to your throat and took a picture.”

If she closed her eyes, she could see it.

“Then I put it all away and went back to sleep. The next morning, we woke up. You were very hungover, but I had to leave. I had another appointment with Richardson. I stopped at my coffee shop, bought him what he liked and his danish then carried it all in there and delivered the photo.”

Natalia exhaled.

“He’d ordered you to do it?”

She nodded slowly. “During the session the day before—during the debrief. He’d done the keying and told me I had to be ready to kill you. I had to incapacitate you. Then decide the most efficient way.”

_ “You did a wonderful job,” her handler praised. “Would you die for this man? This man who wants you to be better?” _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “Are you better?” _

_ “I don’t know.” _

_ “Do you think setting him up to be killed is better?” _

_ “No.” _

_ “Then why did you do it?” _

_ “Because you told me to. It was the mission. He is not dead.” _

_ “If I said to incapacitate him and kill him?” _

_ “I would.” _

_ “Tell me exactly what you would do…” _

“So, I did. Then he wanted variations.”

“About how you would kill me?”

Natalia nodded slowly. “Seduce you. Get you drunk. Shoot you. Stab you. Arrange an accident.”

“Well, I always knew you were creative.” He gave her the smallest of teasing smiles but she didn’t laugh.

“He was thrilled…he said my last test was to seduce you.”

Clint’s expression went taut. “Nat…”

“Yeah, the day I tried to sleep with you. Not me. Or at least not only me.”

“Well, I’m still going to be flattered…”

“It’s not that I wasn’t interested…” Natalia let out a little laugh. “But it was another mission. One I failed.”

He closed his eyes. “What did you tell him?”

“Just that you said no and he said you had to be blind and stupid. Then he wanted me to prove to him I’d actually tried…”

“And he wanted you to do it to him.”

She nodded.

Pain creased the corners of his eyes.

“If it was just the sex,” she said, with a shrug. “I wouldn’t care. But he was very specific in his demands. I never told him about Laura, but he never asked. It was like later with Pierce, I seemed to work out there were ways to answer things that would be the least compromising.”

“Well, I have a real problem with it.”

“You always were too overprotective. I can handle that part. It’s ugly, but…”

“If you say it’s nothing you haven’t had to do before I might have to kick your ass and you’re almost through that second bottle of vodka, I have a window of opportunity.”

That did make her smile. “That isn’t what bothers me.”

“What bothers you, then? That you made me a mission? I’m a big boy, Tash. I know you still love me.”

Natalia rolled her eyes. “That’s not the point, Idiot.”

“It’s exactly the point. He used your feelings against you. He used your desire to be better, to be more, against you and he used  _ me _ , against you.”

“If I was willing to kill you, then I was his creature in that state. That was what he wanted. Full compliance. To prove that he could master the manipulator.” She wasn't anything more than what she'd been created to be.

Honestly, that wasn’t the worst thing she did for him.

After she finished the second bottle, she started to get up, but Cloaky brought her another and she smiled at it. “Thank you.”

He bobbed a little before he retreated.

“I’m sorry, Clint.”

“What the hell for?”

“I killed that guy in holding.”

“What guy?”

Then she told him. Every mission. Every death Richardson had her deliver. The information she copied. Always delivered to him. Only on certain missions. Not all of them.

“So he was in on whoever that team was that tried to reclaim you?”

“I think they worked for Pierce or had worked for him. I think the Russian angle was…a cover or it was infighting. Whatever it was, they didn’t want him talking so I used a slow-acting toxin that would stop his heart. Took enough time that I was clear and it seemed like natural causes.”

There were so many. An old woman in an apartment in Paris. A wealthy couple in Shanghai. A businessman in Sydney. “I don’t know what the connection was, but they had things he wanted. Sometimes I just had to steal something… but I never reported to anyone else, just him. A week before Richardson left SHIELD, he had me make him a number of fake IDs.”

“He was planning on going off the grid.”

“I guess before he left—he promised I’d hear from him again and then he told me to forget the conversation and to resume my day. I would be thrilled because I had graduated from psych and he planned to make sure I never had to talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist again.”

Coulson had handled most of her evals after that.

“I’m sorry…”

“Nat.”

“I betrayed you, by working with him and doing all of that, I betrayed you.”

“The hell you did,” he said fiercely. He shifted on the bed until he was right next to her. “I’m sorry because I let you down. You were counting on me to have your back and while I was ten feet away, you were being used and abused and couldn’t even tell me you needed help and I didn’t see it. I just… you trusted me and I let you down.”

She shook her head. “I never saw it that way. Clint—I don’t see it that way now.”

“But you never wanted to tell me,” he said quietly, fiercely. “If you didn’t blame me on some level, you would have told me after you remembered.”

“You know that?”

“Yeah,” he said slowly. “I do know that. Because I know you, Natalia Romanova, Natasha Romanoff. I know you. You are still one of the best people I’ve ever known. I’m so sorry I let you down. I should have been there for you and I wasn’t.”

“I know that…I know if you’d known.”

“And I know if you could have told me.” He blinked back tears and she turned into him, reaching for him even as he reached for her. “Fuck, Nat, I’m sorry.” He kept saying it over and over again.

Natalia lost track of time as they kept talking. She talked until she was hoarse. She answered every question and Clint held her tight the whole time.

While she didn’t shatter, she was so raw and scrubbed out, she couldn’t be entirely sure she wasn’t bleeding on the inside.

Lying flat on the bed with their feet up on the headboard, Natalia stared at the forest scene. “it really does look like we’re lying out in the open.”

“Yep,” Clint said, despite not having drunk any of the vodka—she’d killed every bottle and managed a vague buzz, go her—he slurred his words. That was probably the tired. “Really messing with me, I want to check the sightlines.”

“But you don’t have to,” she told him. “Because even if we were in the open, we’re out of time.”

“Yeah, not thinking about that right now.” Clint rubbed his face. “I feel like it’s been years.”

“It might have been…in here. Not out there.”

“But out there is where our family is.”

She nodded.

Rolling his head to the side, he studied her. “You know I love you, right?”

“Yep,” she said. “You also think I’m a pain in the ass.”

“Eh,” he said. “That part comes and goes.”

She grinned.

“Thank you for telling me.”

“Thank you for listening.”

“Always.”

“I’m going to sleep now.”

“Think you can?”

“I hope so. Because if this didn’t work…I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“C’mere,” he tugged her to him and she rolled onto her side.

“You need to go home.”

“It’ll be there. Only a a minute since I left, remember? You’re here. I’m here. Now shut up and let me cuddle you. You need to sleep.”

She was so damn tired and her throat hurt. “What did Stephen say when he came to get you? Really?”

Clint pressed a kiss to her temple. “He said, 'your best friend needs you.'”

“That was it?”

“Yep.”

“Wow.” She smiled and rubbed her cheek against his chest. “You really are a sap.”

He chuckled. “Shut up and go to sleep, Nat.”

“Okay.” She closed her eyes. “Promise you’ll be here in the morning?”

“I promise,” he whispered. “Here until you’re ready to go back.”

A yawn stretched her jaw. “I miss them.”

“I know you do, Kid. I know.”

Then for the first time in days, she was out.


	21. The Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before. Now. Always. Clint and Nat's friendship offers a familiar foundation to tear out the old commands. That and a little vodka go a long way. Also, Stephen is amused.

**Chapter Twenty-One**

_ The Story _

**Natalia/Natasha**

The shift of the bed had her opening her eyes. Clint stumbled toward the bathroom. Well, staggered more than stumbled. Light shone in the windows. It was bright enough to suggest the sun had been up for a while. Not only had she slept—she’d  _ slept _ . If she’d dreamt, she didn’t remember any of them.

Shoving upright, she scrubbed a hand over her face and glanced around the room. The empty bottles were lined up on the dresser, neatly ordered. Her mouth tasted like cotton. And ass. Not particularly good ass either. More like dead in the desert ass. 

She waited until the toilet flushed before she made her way to the bathroom. Clint squinted at her as she walked in. “I got here first,” he declared.

“I don’t care,” she waved him away from the toilet. “I need to pee and I need to brush my teeth. Do whatever.”

It was hardly the first time they shared a bathroom. He rubbed his face and turned his back so she could use the facilities. Several bottles of vodka left her bladder near bursting.

After, she washed her hands then brushed her teeth and Clint then gave her a not so gentle shove out. “I need to shower.”

She sniffed. “Eh. You’ve smelled worse.”

The middle finger made her laugh.

“Fine—you can shower first.” She walked back over to the bed and fell on it. Her eyes closed as soon as she hit the covers and she didn’t move or really wake up again until Clint tugged her foot.

“Shower is open.”

Huffing out a sigh, she shoved herself off the bed again. The bathroom was hot and steamy, but she turned the water to cold and stepped in under the ice until the cobwebs were gone before she cranked it back up to warm.

Clint was holding up the wall when she emerged and found fresh clothes. She was really tired of the gray, too. “Coffee?” Clint asked when she finished dressing.

“Yep.”

Downstairs, the kitchen was empty but fresh coffee waited along with plates of fruit, bagels, and trays of fluffy scrambled eggs, bacon, and sausage. Snatching one of the bagel halves as she took a bite before she even poured the coffee. Cloaky followed them, but there was no sign of Stephen or Wong.

“You know,” Clint said after he’d finished his first cup and poured a second. “I remember why I don’t drink with you.”

“You didn’t drink with me.”

“That’s my point,” he said, rubbing his face again. His eyes were red-rimmed and hers felt gritty and heavy despite the sleep she’d gotten. Or maybe because of it. She hadn’t really been sleeping well if at all and Stephen had been on her about it.

_ “You still require sleep, Natasha. You  _ have _ to sleep.” _

“Lack of sleep is something you need to get used to again,” she pointed out. “Babies wake up a lot.”

He was mid-flipping her off when he paused and a smile creased his face. “You have a point.”

“I know,” she said, smugly then toasted him with her coffee before she snagged a piece of bacon. Honestly, she hadn’t seen this much food out for breakfast since she arrived either. Awareness of Clint’s gaze pulled her attention to him. “Take a picture, it will last longer.”

“Maybe,” he said. “Then again, this is you.”

Yeah, he deserved her middle finger.

“You really okay with Laura being pregnant?”

She frowned. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

He stared at her.

Ah. She spread some cream cheese on another bagel, then chewed and swallowed the bite before she said, “Don’t be an idiot. I’m more than okay with her being pregnant. I’m Auntie Nat, it’s my sworn duty to spoil them rotten. Though maybe I should show up for the delivery this time and guarantee a girl.” She kept it light on the last and Clint snorted.

“It’s okay if you’re not,” he offered.

“Clint,” she said, fixing her gaze on him. “I’m mourning my daughter. I always loved your kids. I’ll love this one, too. You keep this up and my affection for you might be questionable.”

But he didn’t look away.

“Yes, I felt a twinge when you told me. Yes, I remembered exactly what it was like when I found out I was pregnant. I guarantee you and Laura are a lot happier than I was.”

He winced. “Fuck, Nat…”

“No, you wanted this answer. You get all of it.” Honesty between them, even if it was painful, was what worked. “You need to know this.”

That shut him up.

“Yes, I reacted—psychologically, emotionally, even physically—when you called and told me. There was an ache. But it wasn’t despondence or depression—it was wistful, and it was joyful. I am so incredibly happy for the two of you. I want—everything for all of you.”

Exhaling, she lifted the coffee.

“I miss Mary. That’s not going away. It is absolutely possible to be happy and sad at the same time.”

“I wish I’d known her,” he said. “I wish I could have been there for you. Been Uncle Clint the way you’ve been Auntie Nat.”

“Well, you can be for Peter.”

He snorted. “Yeah. Though that kid’s got it sewn up—you, Tony, Bucky, and Steve. Not sure there’s room in there for an Uncle Clint to be vital.”

“You can never have too much family.”

The corner of his mouth quirked upward. “No, you can’t. Lila will be thrilled. She’s liked Peter from the first.”

“She has a bit of a crush on him.” Yes, she absolutely took great delight in the expression on his face when she said that. “No, you can’t kill him.”

“My life is complicated enough with you dating all the boys. Lila needs no boys. I’m thinking Wanda would be better off, too.”

Natalia chuckled. “You’ll survive.”

He made a face. “God, the thought of Lila dating.”

“Just—talk to her. Make sure she always knows what way is up.” Then, because she really did want to make him feel better, she added, “Laura told me she would be asking me to train her sometime soon.”

His smile grew positively dangerous. “Oh, I pity the poor idiot who tries to pressure her into anything.”

“Exactly.”

He extended his coffee cup and she clinked it with his. Then they went back to eating. It wasn’t until the coffee pot just refilled itself without them doing anything that Clint said, “And we’re still in a magic house.”

“Yep.”

“Any idea where we find the gatekeeper?”

“Probably with the loremaster,” she said easily. “Somewhere.”

“Helpful.”

She shrugged. “They show up when they show up.”

“And we do what?”

Natalia eyed him. “How’s the arm?”

He straightened. “Why?”

“Because you owe me a few rounds.”

Clint grinned. “You’re off restriction.”

“Oh yeah.”

He drained his coffee and stood. “Where?”

~~~

They were after each other with the staves. The sound of the wooden weapons striking each other echoed through the gallery. But Clint, like her, didn’t fight just with the staff. He used his whole body. While he was still a tad weak on the right, he’d definitely regained mobility.

Locking their staves together, she whipped his up and out his hands, catching it as it flew and then he hit her sideways and they went down. Tumbling together, they fought for the upper hand and he broke away. She rolled to her feet and slammed a foot down on the staff before he could steal it fully and had the other pointed at his throat.

He laughed and patted her calf twice. “Nice.”

Straightening, she offered him a hand and pulled him up.

“You’re still faster than me.”

She shrugged. “You still don’t pull your punches.” Which she rather liked about him.

“I would, but you’d just hit me harder,” he teased and she grinned.

“Weapon switch?” At her offer, they both looked at the pair of katanas hanging on the wall.

“Probably not a good idea to go with edged.”

“No,” she said. “But…” Turning away, she carried both staves over and replaced them. “Follow me.”

At the far end of the room were a pair of bokken kendo swords. She passed her hand over them and glanced Cloaky. No vibrations and Cloaky didn’t intercede.

“What’s up the with—these aren’t the swords you’re looking for—hand wave?”

“Some of the weapons feel strange when I get too close to them. Since this whole place is magic.”

“Yeah,” he exhaled and glanced around the room slowly. “Probably a good idea to not open that box.”

“My thoughts exactly. But these are fine.” She lifted the first bokken down and tested the balance with a couple of swings before tossing it to him. The second one was equally as light and solid. The balance near close to perfect. “Have you kept up on your sword training?”

Clint snorted. “Not as well as you. I saw the recreation of that fight on the bridge.”

Slanting a look at him, she raised her brows. “Why the tone?”

“It’s not a tone,” he said. “More a concern. You were in peak form. I know you stay up on your weapon’s training, but that was…”

“Fighting for Pepper’s life and mine,” she pointed out. “Muscle memory for another. I could have been faster. I could have been more vicious.”

The bland stare he sent her made her shrug. “Nat, I saw the recreation. Granted, not the real thing but you took him down more than once. If not for his rings…”

The images flared to life. Fighting for air, the chain snapping on her ankle as the water surged over her head. The ice sheathing her. Pain lighting her nerves on fire. Electricity coursing through her body.

“Nat…”

She snapped her gaze upward and Clint frowned.

“You with me?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Just…since I woke up. Memories are…much sharper. Much more visceral.”

“And I brought up the Mandarin.”

“It’s fine. It’s not crippling and I’m not reacting to touch that way anymore, so this is a good thing.”

“The reactions to touch in the past?” The care he took stepping around the verbal and emotional landmines, only to toss a grenade on one to see what it would do was just so Clint. “That was because of abuse or having to let others touch you even when you didn’t want it.” It wasn’t a question.

“Working on a psych degree, Barton?” It was a light warning, but he met her gaze evenly.

“Nope, reminding my best friend she can tell me anything.”

“Not really wanting to add more salt to those open wounds,” she countered and did a few practice swings.

“You have to talk to someone.” Then he grimaced. “I’ll never tell you you have to see a shrink again.”

“Thank you.”

“But you can’t keep carrying all of that baggage.”

“I can,” she said. “I have.”

Just because the compartments were blown open and the luggage had spilled out over the highway didn’t mean she couldn’t clean it up.

When Clint switched his grip to his left hand, she mirrored him. Always good to work on their non-dominant hands. “You know the problem with untreated wounds?”

“They begin to stink?” She retorted and took the fight to him. He blocked and parried. The strike of wooden blades sent a quiet reverberation through her arm to her shoulders.

He snorted. “Sure, that’s one problem.”

“They rip open unexpectedly,” she said. “They fester. Sometimes they get infected. But they also scar over and you move on. I know I’m not like everyone else.” She delivered the words in between strikes. Clint kept moving, first falling back then pressing forward.

It was a dance. Neither of them was truly trying to disarm the other. He allowed her series of strikes as he parried and defended, then she did the same. Warming up and working their left-handed skills at the same time. “No, Kid, you aren’t. But that’s not a problem until you have perfectly normal reactions and your training doesn’t let you feel them.”

With a snort, she whirled, slid under his defense and took his blade away. “You need to work on not losing your grip,” she chastised him, then flipped it to hand it back to him. “And I’ve cried more in the last month than I have in my entire life.”

He went still. “Nat…”

“No, you’re worried about me having normal reactions. I know what grief is. I’ve felt it for decades. I grieved for Mary and James even when I didn’t remember them.” She exhaled and brought her sword up and waited for him to make the first move this time. “Looking back with the clarity I have, I can see every piece of that broken pain where it burrowed under my skin like shards of glass from a crash I hadn’t even realized I’d been in. I know what’s not normal for me. My normal was conditioned from a young age. I broke.”

With a nod and a tight expression, he lunged and she parried. The kendo ‘blades’ slid off each other with a scraping noise as she swung his blade down and low. Then kicked him with her right foot and knocked him on his ass. The air oofed out of him.

“Dirty pool?”

She shrugged. “You’re pulling your punches. I warned you before. No kid gloves, Barton.”

Rubbing a hand to his chest, he grinned. “Just remember you asked for it.”

“I always do.”

This time, his attack had her on the move.

“So, how are the guys handling the tears?”

“Like champions,” she admitted. “Yes, I’ve been talking to them. James and I talk about a lot both from the past and the present.” She twisted with Clint, ducking under his swing and he leapt when would have swept his feet. Blocking his next strike, she countered by going on the offense. “That shared history is…”

“I know,” Clint assured her. “Something you both richly deserve to have back.”

“Now we do.”

“How’s Steve handling it?”

She chuckled. “Better than you might think. He’s a rock.” She could tell him anything. “He never judges me, even when I judge myself.”

“Good.” Whipping her blade up, he landed the hit to her shoulder and the numbness swept her arm. Her fingers opened and she released the blade, then caught it with her right hand and intercepted his next hit.

“Nice,” she complimented him even as he blinked.

“Damn, did you get faster?”

“You wanna know a secret?” She had him on the run even as the feeling slowly returned to her left arm in a wave of pins and needles.

“I’m not left-handed, either,” he retorted, mimicking Inigo Montoya. “Not much of a secret.”

She let go, pushing her speed and he was on his ass with his sword in her hand. “I’ve always been faster,” she admitted and he grinned as he slumped against the floor panting.

“No shit,” he grumbled. “You never let go with me.”

“Because I don’t want to hurt you. But it helped me save your life on the helicarrier.”

“You gave me a hell of a headache,” he argued. “And then you slugged me.”

“You deserved it.”

He grimaced then a grin worked its way across his face. “Yeah, I did.”

Another piece of tension cording her gut loosened. “You can finally smile about it.”

He waved off the kendo blade when she would have handed it back, then sat up. “Talking to Laura helps,” he admitted. “I didn’t realize how much of a box I put myself in by keeping all of that from her. Or the burden I put on you making you my only outlet.”

“I never the minded the burden,” she promised. “You carried me when I needed it.”

“Before. Now. Always. But you don’t need me to carry you.” He stood and stretched.

“I needed you for this.”

“No, you needed to forgive me and yourself,” he said it so simply like it was the easiest thing. “The same way I had to forgive myself for Loki.”

“That wasn’t you,” she reminded him.

“But I still did it. What Richardson had you do, Nat, that wasn’t you either. That you resisted the conditioning, that you’ve fought against mind control your whole life? That’s  _ you _ . That you held back when they would have squeezed it out of you, that’s also  _ you _ . Forgive yourself for the rest, Kid. That red isn’t in your ledger. It bleeds into mine, into Fury’s, into everyone at SHIELD that let that cancer flourish. It’s not yours.”

“I know, easier said than felt.” Particularly right now.

“Then we say it until you believe it,” he rubbed his shoulder. “And I’m calling it here.”

“All right, we could probably use a  cooldown .” She returned the kendo blades to where they went.

Swinging his arms, probably to loosen them up, Clint began a slow pace around the room. She caught up with him and they didn’t talk as he inspected the different weapons.

As they completed the circuit and neared the archway, he asked, “Have you actually explored this place?”

“Not really. I mean I’m curious, but Stephen is doing me a favor. I think he’s more than earned some respect on my part.”

Clint smiled. “You’ve always had your own code for things.”

“Well, if he ever pranks me, all bets are off.”

That earned her laughter.

“Thanks for the warning,” Stephen said from the end of the hallway and Clint jerked briefly before he swore.

“You need a bell,” Clint informed him. “You don’t pop out on people like us.”

“Natasha doesn’t seem to be bothered by it.”

But Natalia held up the blade she palmed at the first jerk of surprise. “Because I’ve gotten used to you randomly coming and going.”

“Then I appreciate your patience and your reflexes,” Stephen told her with a hint of a smile. “Do you need to go shower or are you good to talk now?”

Clint lifted an arm and sniffed his armpit. “Smells like hard work and cheerful spirits.”

Natalia rolled her eyes. “We’re fine, we’ve mostly cooled off and it wasn’t that grueling a workout.” She caught Clint’s fingers before he could pinch her and he bumped her hip.

With a shake of his head, Stephen beckoned to them to follow. Unsurprisingly, he led to the kitchen where food waited for them again. This included deli sandwiches and icy drinks. It had been hours since breakfast.

As they sat, she had no doubt he’d gone out into the city to grab their meal. He wore jeans, a t-shirt and an open hoodie over it. The sneakers were also a dead giveaway. It was the most casual she’d seen him since their first introduction.

“Gotta say, Doc,” Clint said. “You’re kind of weirding me out.” The echo of her own thoughts had her biting back a smile.

“I assure you, Mr. Barton, I was not born to this…” He motioned to the house. The scarred hands trembled now and then, but he moved with confidence. If the shaking bothered him at all, he didn’t reveal it. “In fact, I’ve spent most of my life in New York. This is more my speed.”

The accident that robbed him of his steady precision had to have been brutal. The wreckage of what it had done to his skin a bare glimpse of the kind of internal damage he must have suffered. Yet, he had made something far more for himself in the aftermath and his mind, his understanding of neuropathy and the brain had helped to save her life.

“Yeah I did my homework, thousand dollar watches and sports cars with ridiculously overpowered engines are more your speed,” Clint said in between bites. “Ten thousand dollar suits and gold cufflinks…”

Stephen snorted. “I earned my way into that position, I was fortunate enough that I paid off my student loans before I lost my career. If you wanted to bait me to test me, I applaud the effort. I have made my peace with the changes in my life and found a new path forward.”

Clint opened his mouth and Natalia kicked him once. He glanced at her eyebrows raised and she shook her head. Pushing and probing, she understood. Stephen had earned her trust over and over again. One nod and Clint let it go.

Only when they’d finished eating did Stephen lean back and glance at her. “Did you and Mr. Barton talk?”

“We did. Sneaky move to bring him here.”

“Effective,” Stephen countered. “For all you trust me and I appreciate the value of that trust, we do not have the emotional connection you required. Of all your connections—Mr. Barton is the primary one present during that time.”

Clint. Phil. Fury. Maria. The latter two were less influential than the former.

“That makes sense. But if it requires me confronting unsaid things between me and all the people from that time, I’m afraid we may have trouble with that. One is dead. One is actively either working against me or working some agenda he isn’t sharing but pits himself into an antagonist position regardless and the last… well I made my peace with Maria. Not that she and I were especially close during my tenure under Richardson.”

When Clint flicked a look at her, she shrugged.

“Well, the only way to know for certain if it’s enough is to test the triggers themselves.”

Clint scowled. She took another long drink before setting the cup aside.

“It’s all right,” she told him. “Stephen’s got this down.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

No. It didn’t.

“Fair.” But she looked to Stephen anyway. “Let’s do it.”

After wiping his mouth with a napkin, Stephen folded it and began the keying sequence. He had the words memorized. Had since the first time he’d done the recitation. The tension corded through her muscles with each word, like a hammer slamming a nail into the coffin lid.

There was an analogy. A shudder rolled over her a split-second before the white noise curtain muffled the world around her.

“Shit,” Clint said softly.

“A moment, Mr. Barton,” Stephen said. “Natasha, how aware are you?”

“Ready to be compliant…wait…” Yes, the hum was there but the curtain fuzzed at the edges.

“Are you ready?”

“I’m ready to be…” She blinked at the thickness blinding and muffling her. This wasn’t right. The world sharpened as she shook her head.

“Natasha.” The snap in his voice demanded compliance, but she narrowed her eyes as Stephen and then Clint came into sharper focus and the curtain retreated. She dug her nails into her palm even as she bit down on the inside of her cheek until she tasted blood.

She blew out a breath and then shook her head. The ringing noise in her ears climbed to an almost painful tone and then snapped off taking the fog and curtain with it. “I’m here,” she said slowly, tasting the copper in her mouth.

“Better,” Stephen said. “Definitely an improvement.”

“It took an hour,” Clint said, his expression furious.

“She wasn’t able to do it at all before.” Stephen rose and reached for her hands. Only then did she loosen her  white knuckled grip and open her bloodied palms. “Let’s clean this up and we’ll do it again.”

With an aggrieved sigh, Clint glared at him before looking at her. “Nat?”

“Yes,” she told him. “We need to get rid of them. But you…” She didn’t bother with finishing the sentence. Instead, she said, “Will you stay until I’m done?”

Having him there helped.

Gentleness flooded his eyes. “Before. Now. Always.”

“Don’t bandage them,” she told Stephen as he cleaned her hands. The alcohol stung, but the pain added clarity. Tracing the wound she’d made in her mouth, she blew out a breath. “The pain helped.”

“Another focus point,” Stephen said. “Were there noticeable differences with the control words?”

“I didn’t think of you as the handler,” she said. “I knew who Clint was.”

Big differences.

“Good.” He straightened and set the supplies to treat her hands on the table. “Then we go again. We do it until they don’t touch you. Focus on being you. Those words only work because you were committed to the task. Now we need you to commit to this task.”

Natalia laughed. “You’re getting better with the bedside manner, Doc.”

Stephen gave her a bemused look. “You’re not bedridden and you want them gone badly or you wouldn’t be willing to stay as long as you have. I’m no less committed than you. This kind of thing is an atrocity.”

“Thanks.”

The second time was actually a little harder than the first. Exhaustion pulled at her, but she broke out in an hour.

The third took a little less.

The fourth less.

It was pitch dark outside and she was soaked with sweat when Stephen called it. He and Clint both looked as weary as she felt.

Still took ten minutes to break free, but she didn’t lose a single cognitive function and she fought the orders.

Stephen gave her one and she resisted. Every second she pushed back against that invisible wall, her body and her mind ached.

“I need a shower.”

“I’m going for food,” Stephen told them. “You both need rest. Unless you wish to return now, Mr. Barton. I imagine Natasha and I could handle it from here.”

“I’m good where I am, Doc. It’s only been a couple of minutes out there, right?”

“Correct.”

“Then I’m staying.”

Natalia walked away from their discussion and headed up the stairs. She swayed on a couple of steps and didn’t complain when Cloaky was there wrapping her shoulders and lifting her. Clint followed and pushed her door open as they got there.

“I feel like crap,” she admitted. Cloaky didn’t set her down until she was in the bathroom.

“You up for the shower or you need a hand? I can find you a shower chair, too.”

“I’ll be all right.” Even as uneven as she felt. “Just really tired.”

“You’ve been at this for hours.”

“Better hours here than losing more decades out there.” The quip only turned his eyes more glacial. “And any plans for Richardson you might be debating…” She met his gaze before she stripped off her shirt. “He’s mine first.”

“Do you mind if I just pin him to a wall for you?”

The corner of her mouth ticked up. “Not at all, if you used barbed arrows.”

“Done. Easily.”

They locked gazes for a heartbeat. No way in hell he wasn’t already hunting Richardson. She was down for it as soon as they got the triggers ripped out by the roots. If he got there first, he’d save her a few slices. Ditto.

Conversation wasn’t necessary.

When Clint turned away, she finished stripping and ignored her trembling hands as she stepped into the shower. The hot water felt great and she braced her hands on the wall and let it pour over her.

“You made up with Maria?”

“I understand what happened now,” she told him. “She tried Clint. She was there for me when she could be. The fact she couldn’t let go of her issues with you drove the wedge between us. The rest? It’s done.”

“Not sure I can be that forgiving, Kid.”

“Not asking you to be.” That was between him and Maria.

“But she still wants us for this job?”

“Yes.”

“You still want to do it?”

Natalia laughed. “We’re kicking over anthills. What do you think?”

“That it’ll be fun?”

“Maybe,” she said. “Maybe not. But we’ll do it together.”

“Your boys going to be all right with that.”

Snorting, Natalia rinsed the shampoo from her hair. “They’ll back our play.”

When she finished showering, she wrapped in a towel and left the shower running for Clint. It wasn’t long before she was in fresh borrowed clothes, damp hair already turning curly.

When they opened the door, a stack of pizzas, cold beer, and fresh bottles of vodka sat outside the door. A note atop it read,

_ Duty  _ _ calls _ _ unfortunately. Rest. We will begin again tomorrow after breakfast.  _ _ Hopefully _ _ this will be your last night here even if I have not remotely minded the company. _

__

_ Stephen _

__

“Not remotely minded?” Clint said aloud with a chuckle. “Man’s a sweet talker.”

“I like him.” She lifted the pizzas and left Clint to grab the drinks.

“I think you have enough guys,” Clint stated before shutting the door.

Natalia gave him a bland look. “Just because I like someone doesn’t mean I want to have sex with them or start a relationship.”

He smirked. “Clever as the devil and twice as pretty, your smile brings all the boys out.”

Now she did roll her eyes. “Idiot.”

Laughing, he settled on the floor and they made a picnic of pizza and alcohol. “At least the guy has good taste in pizza.”

He did.

“So,” she began as she lifted the pizza. “Tell me about the house.”

That lit him up and he dug out his phone to show her pictures. It was probably one of the most relaxing evenings she’d had since coming to the Sanctum.

The house itself was gorgeous. Better, Clint was so animated discussing it. “Just waiting for a little break in the blizzard-like weather so I can bring Laura and show her. She’s seen the pictures, but it’s so much better in person.”

“What are you going to do without a reno project?” While she was teasing, she was also curious. The constant renovations had always been Clint’s way of not only keeping busy while on leave but also trying to make up for his long absences.

“Hang out with my wife, play with my kids, try to get home every evening at a reasonable hour. Normal shit.”

Natalia chuckled as she took a long drink of the vodka. She didn’t have to drink like she had the night before, as exhausted as she was, she didn’t have the same raw feeling. “Normal shit.”

“What about you? Gonna go back to the Tower and fry the bacon up in the pan for the boys?”

She snorted. “They tend to cook more than I do.”

“This is true.”

“And I’ll go back to doing what I do—train with the team, work with Wanda and Peter, work on the Accords… track down Richardson and investigate who was behind the attack that killed Mary.”

His gaze sharpened on her. “Nat…”

“James is helping me,” she told him before he could say anything. “If we need more help I will tell you.” But those bombers? And the ones who gave the orders? She and James could handle that.

“Well, that got gloomy real quick,” he said.

“It is what it is,” she told him before retrieving another piece of pizza.

“Are you guys going to keep living at the Tower then? I figured with the cliff house so close…”

“I imagine we’ll divide our time,” Natalia admitted. “We haven’t really discussed it. But a lot of what we have to do is in the city, at least when we’re not on a mission.”

“Sorry for killing the mood, Kid,” he apologized and she shook her head.

“You didn’t. It’s always right there. Losing her hurts. I don’t think it’s possible for it to not hurt. But I remember her now. I have those moments again. What she felt like when I held her, when I was pregnant with her, when she laughed…those videos.” Natalia sighed. “Those videos were so much. I wish you’d known Will.”

“I kept wondering if I’d met him,” Clint admitted. “After you told me. So I did some research. Name didn’t ring a bell, but the pictures didn’t tick any boxes either.”

Oddly, the news disappointed her.

“You would have liked him,” she promised. “He was far more clever than even I realized and I thought he was very intelligent. I liked that about him.”

“You would,” Clint told her with a smile. “You miss him, don’t you?”

She nodded slowly. “More than I thought I would. It’s… when I left James to cross the mountains and get Mary out of Montana, it was this constant ache knowing I was moving away from him. I never stopped hoping he would catch us up.”

Gazing into the flames, she pictured those long days as she kept hiking, singing for Mary and working on keeping her distracted.

“I didn’t cry, though I wanted to, a time or two. When I was pregnant, some of my control had gone away and my temperament was inconsistent.”

“We call that hormones,” Clint teased gently and she snorted.

“At the time I didn’t know. What I knew about being pregnant wouldn’t fill a thimble then.” No, but she knew much more now. “Leaving, it was the mission. It was to protect Mary. But I ached for James. All the way across Canada and to New York. Even as I fought to build a cover and find safety for Mary, I missed him. Then I met Will and missing him didn’t go away, but Will helped. I genuinely liked him. He was a kind man. He was funny. In their own ways—Tony and Steve both remind me of Will.”

Then she flicked a look at Clint and found him studying her.

“But I never wavered, even when I wanted to reconsider. I knew it wasn’t an option. I didn’t want to care for Will, because I knew I would have to amputate that relationship as cleanly as I did the tie to Mary.” Lifting the vodka, she toasted him. “Leaving him hurt, too. But I told myself I had to do it. If I stayed not only did I endanger Mary, but I would get him killed. Then I made myself not think about him. Put him and Mary out of my mind. Compartmentalized it. Kept compartmentalizing it until the moment they slammed me in the chair and then I forgot him. Forgot Mary. Locked them away safe and sound.”

And fought herself to keep them that way.

“I’m sorry, Kid,” Clint said gently. “Even more sorry that you didn’t get to see them again.”

“Me, too,” she let out a shaky laugh then licked her lips. “Now we’ve thoroughly flattened the mood.”

“Hey,” he said, reaching to cover her hand with his. “You’ve never needed a mood with me.”

“I know.”

“But what we need is a movie…” He glanced at Cloaky. “Does this place have a television or something?”

“He has Wi-Fi,” Natalia said and Clint frowned.

“How do you get Wi-Fi if you’re out of time? And does out of time mean actually in New York but just moving at a different speed? Or somewhere else entirely?”

“I have vodka and I’m still not ready to talk about quantum physics.”

He chuckled but Cloaky bumped against the wardrobe twice. Rising, Clint walked over and opened it. There was a television and a pair of remotes.

They rearranged, cleaning up the pizza boxes and drinks before kicking back on the bed as Clint flipped through the channels.

When he found  _ The Princess Bride _ , she snorted.

“It’s appropriate for you, Buttercup,” he said, elbowing her gently.

“I do not think that phrase means what you think it means.”

He chuckled. “Life isn’t fair, it’s just fairer than death.”

Natalia rolled her eyes. “Who says life is fair, where is it written?”

“You know,” Clint said, fixing his pillow and flopping back as Peter Falk started to talk to his grandson on the screen. “Laura’s right.”

“Yep,” Natalia agreed. “We’re the worst.”

“Is this a kissing book?” they asked in unison with the kid. They both laughed, but they kept right on watching.

Clint fell asleep a long time before she did, but she waited for the kiss that surpassed the five epic kisses before she turned the channel. When she found the opening credits of  _ Murder, She Wrote _ , she grinned. Turning down the sound, she waited until she got to the open sequence.

She’d seen the episode before. Good, she wouldn’t be skipping ahead on Tony. Curling up on her side, she watched it and the episode after it. Finally, Cloaky settled against her and the weight helped as she began to drift.

Jessica was at some party when she finally let sleep claim her.

~~~

Stephen didn’t arrive immediately after breakfast so they retreated to the weapons gallery and sparring. No weapons today, just straight hand-to-hand.

“No head shots,” Clint said bluntly. “My face is too pretty and we just fixed your head.”

Natalia laughed. “No head shots.”

From holds to grappling to twists, they took each other down over and over. She watched his arm and his leg. It had healed over the last month or so—month for him, six or more weeks for her. Still, she didn’t want him to overdo it.

Clint had her pinned—lightly—when Stephen arrived. His aggrieved sigh actually made her laugh aloud as she wiggled out of the hold and flipped them until she had Clint pinned.

“We were bored,” she told him.

“Yep, you said after breakfast,” Clint joined her. “That was hours ago.”

“Hours,” Natalia continued, bouncing up as she released Clint and then offering him a hand. “So it was this or start picking the locks on the doors.”

“That would be rude,” Clint stated.

“Very rude.”

“So we didn’t…”

“But we could have.”

“Training seemed a more productive use of our time.”

“Exactly. Now you’re here with lunch, I hope?”

“Oh, I could go for lunch,” Clint agreed.

“Me too, I’m starving.”

They were both hot and sweaty and grinning.

Stephen’s droll look amused the hell out of her. “Are you two done?”

“Are we?” Natalia slanted a look at Clint.

“We could be done.”

“But are we?”

“Maybe?” He squinted at Stephen. “What do you have for us if we’re done?”

“Remind me again how you two were master spies?”

“I wasn’t,” Clint countered. “I’m just the padawan. Nat’s the master.”

“Always two there are,” she intoned solemnly.

“Ah,” Stephen said holding up two fingers. “I am not the audience you're looking for.”

Clint snickered. “Killjoy.”

“He can be,” Natalia agreed. “But he means well.”

Rolling his eyes, Stephen said, “Let’s go finish this quest so I can send you both home…”

“Well, I guess you have my sword then,” Natalia teased. “And there are axes here so I can grab one of those.”

“And my bow!” Clint dove right in.

Stephen’s groan just made her grin wider.

“He likes us,” Natalia told Clint as he slung an arm around her shoulders while the followed Stephen. They both needed another shower, but there was a chance he might vanish on them if they took the time.

“He does,” Stephen agreed in the kitchen. There were bags of tacos waiting for them. The smell hit her and her stomach growled immediately. “But he is wondering how anyone survives around you two.”

“It’s a test,” Clint said easily as he let her go to reach for the first bag.

“A test of cunning and stamina,” Natalia agreed.

“Of patience and fortitude…”

“…of snark,” they said the last together. Then Natalia added, “If you can’t handle us at our best, you’d never want to see us at our worst.”

“Good to know,” Stephen said then glanced at her. “Future visits are one on one, preferably.”

“Oooh,” Natalia said pressing a hand to her chest. “I’m invited to come back?”

“For the moment,” he put emphasis on each syllable and she grinned.

“Thank you.”

“Apparently, not me,” Clint adopted a mournful tone.

“We shall see for you, Mr. Barton. But let’s eat so we can continue with the triggers.”

The tacos were great and Natalia cooled off as she ate. Once again, Stephen was dressed in street clothes. She kind of missed the ren faire look. Not enough to give him shit about it.

She’d save that for their next visit.

The next few hours after the tacos were grueling. Stephen repeated the command phrasing over and over. She’d no sooner break out of one than he’d drop her into another.

“Enough,” Clint called it and she slumped back in the chair. Everything hurt. Even her eyeballs.

Were there actual pain receptors in her eyes?

“The commands have little to no hold,” Stephen said quietly. “You refuse to obey commands, you aren’t losing your sense of self or time.”

“The delay is worrisome,” she admitted.

“It’s almost down to a minute, Nat,” Clint told her. “You did that in two days. But enough… you look like you’re in pain.”

She was in pain. While it wasn’t awful, it definitely wasn’t comfortable.

“So, I’m good to go?” She cut a look at Stephen.

Rather than answer her, he studied her for a long moment. “Are you ready?”

Was she?

The triggers had to go. As long as someone could trigger her, she was a threat to those around her. But even triggered, they couldn’t force her to stand up or flip them off. She resisted the compulsion even as she tore out of the bindings. With more practice, she might be able to erase the response entirely.

It had been days since she’d seen them. The next morning would be nineteen days.

Not even twenty minutes had passed for them.

“Yes, I’m ready.”

Natalia glanced at Clint. He gave her an encouraging nod. “You’re ready, Kid. Just don’t dive back into life whole hog. The time here has been good for you, but you need to keep taking care of you.”

“So the pig, not the hog?”

He groaned.

“Yes, well,” Stephen said as he rose. “Mr. Barton, Natasha, if you would both go gather your things. I’ll get you both on your way.”

They helped him clean up before they diverted upstairs. Natalia grabbed a shower, then pulled back on the clothes she’d worn the day she left. Her damp hair would be a dead giveaway, but she’d already decided she wouldn’t keep the time spent here away from them.

As much as she wanted to not worry them, lying wasn’t the way to go. They’d be cross. There would probably be yelling.

But they could survive that.

Besides, it was far easier to ask forgiveness than permission and what she’d accomplished here, she needed to.

After Clint had showered and changed, he studied her. “You good?”

“I’m good,” she said. “Thank you for coming.”

“Of course I came,” he said easily. “Thank you for finally telling me and letting me help.”

Closing the distance, she hugged him and he squeezed her tight. “You’re a sap.”

“Yep,” he said. “Loving someone does that to you. You make sure those boys of yours take care of you or else.”

She chuckled. “Or else nothing, I got them. They got me.”  Leaning back, she smiled. “We’ll see you back at the Compound soon?”

“Yep, but I’m ready if you need me for something…”

“Just try not to need you.”

He grinned. “Let me know when you want to take care of Maria’s thing. When the snow clears some I’ll bring Laura out to see the house. We’ll have dinner.”

“I’d like that,” she said as she nodded. “Four kids?”

“I know.” He made a face. “Do you know what college is going to cost?”

Natalia burst out laughing. “Don’t worry, Auntie Nat has trusts for all of them.” When he opened his mouth to protest, she pressed a finger to his lips. “My family, too, remember?”

His expression softened, Clint caught her hand then pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Downstairs, Stephen opened a portal for Clint first and he glanced through to the barn and then back at Natalia. “Talk to you soon, Kid.”

Then he was gone and the portal closed.

Rather than open the next one, Stephen glanced at her. “Before you go…”

Yeah, that had been too easy. She braced for it.

“The cloak is returning with you.” Since Cloaky was already wrapped around her shoulders, she’d figured that. “He wants to stay with you. Has since we got you from L.A. I’d hoped it was just for your recovery, but I have a feeling you may need him sooner rather than later. It’s why he won’t leave.”

“That’s not ominous.”

“No,” Stephen said carefully. “Wong has also done some research into this. Relics like the cloak, they make their own decisions. They can be fickle about who they choose, but once they do, they are loyal. Whatever this is, he feels you need him. So keep him close, keep watch and if you need me…” He held out a coin.

As she palmed it, the vibrations radiated over her palm. The metal was warm and very present. “It feels like some of the weapons did.”

“That’s because it has a bit of an enchantment on it.”

“A bit of one?”

Stephen shrugged. “Do you want me to explain it? Or will you be satisfied with the fact it’s a magical item?”

“Sure,” she said. “Why not?” She ran her thumb around the edges of the coin. “What do I do with it?”

“Grip it, drop it, or throw it…but want to see me. I’ll know and I’ll come.”

“So, get out of jail free card or at least a bust out of jail free card…what if someone palms it off me?”

“If it’s taken from you against your will—it will also summon me. Even,” he continued before she could open her mouth. “If you’re unconscious.”

Natalia nodded slowly. “Thank you and you know I don’t have a coin to give you…but if you ever need something from me.”

“Then I will call you, Natasha.” Stephen held out his hand and she gripped it gently after she slid the coin into her pocket. He shook her hand once, then lifted it to press a kiss to it. “It has been a genuine pleasure getting to know you. When you’re settled again, let me know…I want a rematch at chess.”

She laughed. “You got it.”

With that, he released her and opened the portal. The living room of the cliff house looked amazing. Liho popped up but she didn’t see Tony. Not yet.

Her phone confirmed the twenty minutes and she tucked it away. “Give my best to Wong,” Natalia said before she strode through.

Time to go home.


	22. Stand By Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Steve meet May, some awkwardness ensues. Clint has to answer Lila and Coop's questions before he fills in Laura.

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

_ Stand By Me _

**Bucky**

“Come on in,” May Parker said as she worked the keys in the lock. “I’d apologize for the mess but you know we haven’t been home.” The look she’d given Peter when he invited Steve and Bucky in had promised he was going to get it later. Dressed in a heavy coat and scrubs along with boots, Peter’s aunt stood barely a couple of an inches taller than Natalia.

Know

Drop an

When she’d given him a wary look, Bucky had taken a step back. Steve seemed to set her more at ease and Peter winced as May shot him another look.

“I cleaned up before I left,” Peter said. “Mostly.”

“Uh huh.” Despite the doubt, the corner of her mouth lifted. The last tumbler gave and she opened the door. The hallway was stuffy, but cool. The interior of the apartment wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t particularly warm either. Bucky let everyone go in first as he glanced up at the sensor he and Clint had placed when they swept the apartment previously.

It was still present and didn’t appear to have been touched. Inside, May stripped off her jacket as Peter carried his bags to his room. “Let me just put these away and I’ll be right back to start the coffee. Are you hungry? I can make pancakes? And bacon? I can even do omelets… well sorta.”

May paused to look in the direction Peter had vanished then rounded on them. “I thought he was with Natasha and Tony.”

“He was,” Steve told her easily. “They aren’t in a position to bring him home.”

“But Natasha’s really all right? Peter said she was recovering.”

“She is,” Steve said and smiled. “But with the way the press has been, it’s just better for them to keep a low profile.”

May considered him a moment, then looked at Bucky. Meeting her gaze, he didn’t flinch. If he had the read of her, he could almost hear the ‘bullshit’ she wasn’t saying aloud. Natalia had said she liked May. Liked her directness. Liked the fact that this woman’s care had helped shape Peter into the honest, open young man he’d become.

“Natalia took a hard knock,” Bucky said simply. “We want her to rest. Having Peter around is good for her. Soon enough she’ll have to deal with work and the press, but if we can give her downtime, we will. I also wanted to meet you.”

Honest responses, every one.

“Huh.” May studied him again. “You’re not what I thought.” Then she looked at Steve. “You definitely are, but not you.”

“Thank you?” Bucky could imagine what she’d thought. It was important to make a decent impression. So far, he agreed with Natalia’s assessment.

“You’re welcome.” Tossing her coat over the back of a chair, she waved them toward the kitchen. “Well come on, let’s have the coffee and we can chat politely for a few before I kick you out so you can get back and I can spend time with Peter before I sleep for a week.”

Steve glanced at him as May turned to head into the kitchen, eyebrows raised. Bucky grinned. He liked her. No nonsense. Very direct.

She kind of reminded him of Aunt Sarah.

That seemed fitting.

In the kitchen, May had already gotten the coffee started and then opened the fridge and made a face. “Ugh, this is what happens when I spend almost a week on shift.”

Peter slid into the kitchen and grimaced. The smell coming from the fridge wasn’t particularly pleasant. “I’ll get it,” he told her. “It’s just the leftovers from the Chinese we had.”

“I know,” May told him with exasperated affection. “I thought you would have finished it all.”

“I would have, but after we got the buses out of the snow and all the kids evacuated home, I pretty much headed back with Tony, Steve and Bucky.”

“Natasha didn’t help with the evacuations,” May was dumping the containers into the trash bag Peter held open.

“No,” Steve said. “She is on rest for another couple of days and then it’s only light-duty for another couple of weeks.”

“Head injury,” May said solemnly, then glanced at Peter, not them.

He nodded. “She’s doing great, I promise. I bet she’s going to get impatient before too long not that anyone else will notice. When she doesn’t want you to know something, her poker face is impressive.”

“And what do you know about poker?” May teased.

“Not much, but I plan to learn it.” He laughed and she shook her head. Once she’d finished emptying the fridge, he said, “I’ll go run this down to the chute. Then sit down, there’s still enough here I can make you breakfast.”

“You don’t have to make me breakfast, Peter, I ate at the hospital. At the moment, I’m just glad to be home.”

“But I want to make you breakfast.”

“Well if you insist.” After Peter headed out with the trash, she looked at them again. “So why did you want to meet me, Sergeant Barnes is it?”

“Bucky’s fine,” he told her. “I wanted to meet you because Natalia was impressed by you and Peter’s a great kid.”

All true. He also wanted her to have a much better impression of him.

“Hmm,” May took out a container of creamer and then shut the fridge before she moved to take down some mugs. “He is a good kid. A kid with too many responsibilities.”

“He’s also got a streak of honesty and kindness in him a mile wide.”

“And he’s smart,” Steve added. “Kid’s definitely sharp.”

“Thank you, that’s important and I worry about him.” She wasn’t looking at them as she poured the coffee into the mugs. “Natasha promised to train him and that she wanted to keep him safe.”

“On that, we’re all on the same side,” Bucky told her.

“How do you keep him safe if he’s fighting the kind of things you fight, Captain?” May asked as she carried the mugs over and set them on the table. “Or the kind of attention that seems to focus on you, Bucky… I’m sorry, I know you were a prisoner of war. I read the articles and for that, I am deeply sorry. But… I also watch the news and it wasn’t that long ago you weren’t considered an ally.”

“Aunt May.” Peter stood in the doorway. “Bucky’s my friend. And he’s a real hero, not just the things that the bad guys made him do. Those were horrible, but they’re not who he is.”

“It’s all right, Pal,” Bucky told him. “Your aunt is right to be concerned. She has the right to ask the questions.” He met Peter’s gaze. Kid needed to remember why Bucky had come.

“I know, but…”

Bucky shook his head once and Peter sighed.

“Apparently you’ve already made an impression.” Honestly, May sounded as though she wasn’t certain whether she should be impressed or exasperated.

“He’s cool,” Peter said as he shifted gears and headed to the cupboards. “I’ve actually been trying to talk them into coming to the school for history class.”

That earned a half-smile. “You don’t have to,” May assured them.

“M…Natasha is going to work on my Spanish with me.” That pulled May’s attention.

“What’s wrong with your Spanish?”

“It’s all right,” Peter admitted. “But she speaks a lot of languages, so does Bucky.”

“Not as many as Natalia, Pal.”

For his part, Steve just sipped his coffee and seemed to try and lean out of the conversation. Bucky would have to remind the punk later that he didn’t quite fade into the background as much as he hoped.

“Yeah, but you do more engineering. Oh crap…” He paused.

“What?”

“Natasha was going to show me how to crack the phone so I could update the base apps without triggering Tony’s prank and we never got to it.”

“Crack the phone?” May narrowed her eyes.

“Totally legitimate,” Peter argued. “I wouldn’t break it. But I wanted to add my own apps to it and the protected software doesn’t allow for it.”

“And you already tried to crack it on your own?”

He winced. “Yeah.”

May sighed.

“Seriously, it’s great. Once I master that code crack, it’ll be perfect for putting in crack-resistant code to my own projects. So you could say it’s homework.”

At that May rolled her eyes but she chuckled. “Nice save. Anyway…” Turning back to them, she focused on Bucky once more. “Are you going to be one of Peter’s instructors as well?”

She navigated the verbal dance from affectionate aunt to wary interrogator with nearly precision accuracy. No wonder Natalia liked her so much. “Under Natalia’s supervision. Steve and I can both spar with him.” At the flare of her pupils and the widening of her eyes, he continued, “Peter’s strong. Very strong. He doesn’t have to hold back with us as much as he would Natalia and does because he worries about hurting her.”

Comprehension softened the concern and she took a sip of her coffee as Peter began mixing pancake batter.

“You want a hand, Kid?” Steve offered, more to give Bucky the illusion of privacy with May.

“Sure, but I can do it.”

“Don’t mind helping.” He stood and nodded to May before pulling a chair out for her. “Ma’am.”

“Oh, just call me May… both of you and no more ma’am. I’m not that old.” She took a seat.

“Thank you, May,” Steve said. “I’m Steve.”

She nodded then glanced over at them as Peter found a pan for Steve and then he pulled the bacon out of the fridge. It was pretty sparse there. Maybe he and Steve could hit a store…

“We usually shop on the weekends,” May told him, pulling his attention back to her. “We weren’t home so…that’s why it’s a little lean.”

“I understand. This was a brutal week. The city will be plowing for days. Steve and I can take the quinjet to find an open store and pick you up some things.” Overkill? Maybe. “That way you can rest and have the time with Peter.”

“Oh, I couldn’t possibly impose. You all look after my boy enough as it is.”

“Not an imposition,” Bucky said.

“Maybe next time, honestly, I need to think about what we need and I don’t have it in me.”

“Fair enough, we won’t stay long.” She needed her rest.

She groaned and he frowned. “No, it’s not you,” she waved off his concern. “I’m sorry, I’m terrible company after several days on shift. I deal with babies and nurses and then I forget how to talk to people.”

“It’s fine,” Bucky told her. “We’re the ones imposing on your time.” He shot a look to Steve who nodded.

“Hey Pal, the bacon’s almost ready. You’re good with the pancakes.”

Peter glanced from Steve to him. “You guys have to go?”

“Still need to check-in at the Compound. Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything and the offer to get you supplies stands, May. It might be tricky getting in and out for a while.” At least until they got the sidewalks cleared.

“I didn’t mean to chase you out,” May said with a grimace.

“You’re not,” Steve told her. “Really, we do need to get to the Compound and do some things and then we want to get back to Nat.”

There was a beat of silence as May rose. “I’ll walk you out. Would you give my best to Natasha?”

“Take care of your aunt, Peter,” Bucky told him as he met his gaze. “Don’t forget to text Natalia.”

So far he’d done a great job of not calling her mom. “I will,” Peter promised then held his thumb pinky up to his head miming a phone call before pointing at him. Yes, Peter would call him, too.

Bucky nodded and then turned to follow May and Steve into the front room. May had the photo of Mary and Richard in her hand. “This was my brother-and-sister-in-law, Peter’s parents. Richard was Ben’s brother.”

Steve glanced from the image to Bucky then back. “Peter’s mentioned them briefly.”

“They died when he was very young,” she said softly then glanced toward the kitchen. Peter might be able to hear them but there was still sizzling bacon and pancakes. “Why do you ask?”

“I was just curious,” Steve said. “He’s a good kid and I lost my dad before I was born, but I was real close to my ma. Peter doesn’t talk about them a lot. Nat said he was staying with you when their plane went down.”

The barest flicker of her eye gave her away. She knew. She knew what they’d been doing. “Yes,” she said, turning away. “Richard was on his way to consult on the building of a water treatment plant or something. Mary always went with him because she could translate. The flight…never made it.”

She put the photo back on the shelf.

A muscle ticked in Bucky’s jaw but discipline kept his reaction in check. After they told May, after she understood their connection, he would ask her about Mary again. “I’m sorry for your loss,” he said quietly.

“Thank you,” she said, arms folded as she faced them. Her posture was defensive. “It was worse for Peter and Ben, but Mary was my friend and I miss her. She was great.” Clearing her throat, she said, “I’m sorry…now I’m getting emotional.”

“No,” Steve said genuinely. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories.”

“We all have them.” She moved to the door. Yes, it was definitely time for them to go. “Thank you for bringing Peter back and for the ride home and for everything and please—give Natasha my best. She owes me coffee.”

“We’ll tell her. Take care.”

They didn’t linger, they’d already set her on edge and though Bucky wanted to stay. He wanted to drill down and get the answers he could, he also didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable.

Bucky only waited outside the door until he heard the last lock secure, then he followed Steve up the stairs for the roof. “Sorry about that Bucky. I just—I just saw the picture and it slipped out.”

“It’s fine, Stevie. She was already a little edgy. Part of why I wanted to meet her first.” The last thing she needed to have dropped on her out of the blue was her beloved nephew was related to a known terrorist. Her positive opinion of Natalia would help. But he wanted to ease her mind or at least give her a contrast versus the news stories about him.

They saved the rest of the conversation until they were aboard the quinjet. He checked the time as Steve took the pilot’s seat. It was after nine.

“Friday?”

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes?”

“How is Natalia?”

“She has left to speak to Doctor Strange. Boss was not invited.”

He blew out a breath. Part of the reason he and Steve had wanted to be the ones to take Peter back was to give Natalia the time. It was also so he didn’t have to see her leave.

“How long?” Steve asked.

“About ten minutes, Cap.” Tony came on the line. “I just got down to the lab. All good with Pete?” 

“Yep, he and May are secure. We’re heading for the Compound.” It would keep them busy.

“Sounds good. We’ll check in as soon as we hear anything.”

“Same,” Steve said then glanced at him as the comm went quiet. “She’s going to be fine. She trusts Strange.”

“I know,” Bucky said. “I also know she wants those triggers gone.”

“We all do. And if you’re thinking you hate the fact she’s off somewhere by herself, so do I. Then I remind myself that Strange is an ally and he’s come through for her before.”

Bucky nodded. “Yeah.” He ran a hand over his face. “May knew.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. It was there in her face and her eyes. She knew something… if I had to guess, I’d say she knew they weren’t just an engineer and a linguist.”

“Damn.” Steve lifted off. “Sorry, Buck.”

“No worries. Probably better that she does know. Softens the ground for us when we do tell her the truth. At least the concept of spies won’t be so outlandish.”

“Yeah, cause that’s the part that will be a stretch.”

“Shut up, Punk.” But the corners of his lips twitched. The city really did look like it had taken a pounding. While still somewhat cloudy, they’d seen a glimpse of the sun on the horizon. The blanket of white was kind of pretty if you didn’t think about how much work it would take to clean it up.

He needed to focus on something that wasn’t where Natalia had gone that he couldn’t follow and Peter being right behind him. “What are we doing at the Compound again?”

“Checking in. Seeing Sam. It’s okay, I know you’ve missed him.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “I’ll hit the shooting range while you girls catch up.”

The fact Steve actually flipped him off made him smile. Natalia was definitely rubbing off on him.

**Clint**

The brief, if disquieting, moment of vertigo he experienced stepping out into his barn sent a shiver tracing up his spine. The air was brisk and cool. A glance around revealed everything exactly as he’d left it—even the coffee in the travel mug was still hot. Two minutes.

He’d been gone two days.

The door creaked open and Lila stared at him wide-eyed.

“Hey Bug, what are you doing home?”

She raced across the floor and he scooped her up as she hugged him.

“It’s an in-service day, Daddy, we just got back from the store.” Then she pulled away slightly to look at him. “Is Auntie Nat okay?”

He frowned. “Why are you asking?”

“Cause I looked in the barn a minute ago and you weren’t here, then I heard you and when I looked in again, you were here.”

Well, that was a wrinkle he hadn’t expected. And God, yeah, they’d gone to the store. It had been a bit. He shook his head. Two minutes, Clint, get it together. “Why do you think it has to do with Auntie Nat?”

Lila gave him a side-eye that would have done Nat proud and Clint had to swallow a grin. “Daddy,” Lila said. “You said the only thing that would get you to leave right now was if Auntie Nat needed you or the world was on fire. World’s not on fire, right?”

“No,” he said. “It’s not and you young lady need to stop eavesdropping.” He tickled her and Lila giggled.

“I didn’t drop any eaves, Daddy.”

He groaned as he set her down. “That was worthy of your Auntie Nat.”

“Thank you.” She followed him as he retrieved his coffee and his tools. “So, is Auntie Nat all right?”

“Your Auntie Nat is fine, Bug. I promise.” She still had a road in front of her, but at least they’d gotten the triggers mostly removed. That bit of a delay was still there, but some practice could perfect it down to nothing. “In fact, why don’t we call her later so you can catch up.”

“That’s okay. She might be busy.”

That was okay?

Clint turned to study her. “Who are you and what have you done with my Bug?”

Lila giggled. “I’m me, Daddy. Why?”

“Since when do you think it’s okay to not call your Auntie Nat when given the option?” Lila had once stolen a burner phone for the express purpose of getting a bedtime story, one Nat had happily told her while clinging to a beam, forty feet up and putting the mission on hold because she answered a call from a Barton burner.

It had warmed Clint’s heart and made him want to paddle two butts.

“Well, she might be on her honeymoon and I know we weren’t invited so I don’t want to make her more mad at me.”

“Hey…” Clint dropped to sit on the hay bale. “Nat’s not mad at you, Bug.”

“Then why didn’t she invite us to the wedding? Did you go to the wedding?”

Oh. He was going to do something rude to Pepper. He didn’t know what, but this… this right here was an unintended consequence. “No,” he said solemnly. “I did not go to a wedding. C’mere, Bug. Let’s talk.”

She climbed up onto the bale next to him. “It’s okay Daddy, I know they ‘loped, so that means Auntie Nat and Uncle Tony didn’t want anyone at their wedding. I just think it’s weird she didn’t tell us or you know ask me to be flower girl or something. Maggie Jenson’s aunt got married and she got to be a bridesmaid.”

There was so much reproach in that sentence. Clint rubbed his jaw.

“And I thought Auntie Nat loved Uncle Bucky and Uncle Steve.”

“Yeah, well, she does, Bug. And the wedding was really not planned, there wasn’t any time to invite anyone.”

“At all?” The skepticism there was duly deserved. Because he was shoveling horseshit.

“Nope, not at all. Now, the reasons are a lot of adult hoohah, but the simple thing is they didn’t really have a party or anything. It was just a thing they had to do. Then it was done.”

Like totally. Without them. But he wasn’t trying to explain that to his daughter.

Nope. He could get into SI and rearrange Pepper’s furniture—on the ceiling—with super glue.

“So, did she want to get married?”

“You know, probably not. Sometimes, you do things because they’re necessary.”

“So why didn’t she just marry Uncle Steve or Uncle Bucky?” Cause no one asked them.

“Because Uncle Tony is important to Auntie Nat, too. She has a really big heart, Bug. You know that.”

Lila squinted at him. “Are you shining me on?”

God, he loved her. Raising his hand, he said, “Hand to God, Bug. Not trying to fool you. If it had been up to Auntie Nat and if there had been time, I bet she would have asked you to be a flower girl. But this wasn’t about a big wedding and she absolutely did not do anything that was meant to hurt your feelings.”

Wearing a determined expression, Lila nodded slowly. “If she didn’t mean it then it would be bad if I were mad at her.”

“Very much so,” Clint said. “It would make her terribly sad, Bug.”

“I don’t want her to be sad.”

Neither did Clint.

“Do you think she and Uncle Tony are going to have kids? Or she and Uncle Steve or Uncle Bucky?”

Nope. Not a conversation he wanted to have.

“Cause maybe she won’t need me as much if she…”

“Lila Katherine, I have more than one child, do I love you any less?”

“No.”

“Do you think Auntie Nat’s huge heart can’t love you and any other kid she may or may not have just as much?”

Almost wincing, Lila said, “No?”

“Exactly.” He tapped her nose. “Bug, you’re upset I get it. You had your feelings hurt. But I am telling you right now, it wasn’t Auntie Nat who did that and she would be heartbroken if she thought you were upset. You can tell her and you can talk to her about it. You know how she is, she’ll make it better. But… no more of this other piece. Auntie Nat  _ loves  _ you.”

“I love her, too.” Lila threw her arms around him and Clint hugged her tight before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m glad you’re home, Daddy.”

His heart squeezed. “Me, too.” His phone buzzed in his back pocket. “Go up to the house and give your mom a hand. I’m coming to help her unload, too.” The message on the phone was simple.

**Nat:** _ I’m home. _

“Okay!” She raced ahead of him, but Coop met him by the door after he put up his tools.

“I got the stuff in for Mom,” he told him.

“Thanks, Bud. How are you doing?”

“I’m all right.” He kicked some imaginary dust. “Did Auntie Nat have to marry Uncle Tony to stay a citizen?”

Yep. Pepper. He was totally going to do something with her office furniture. Her logins. Maybe even her shoe collection.

Oh.

Shoes.

He could do that.

“I heard what you told Lila, and that’s a pretty story. I know Uncle Tony has a huge crush on Auntie Nat, but no way would she do anything like that especially after she got hurt for just some quick reason.”

Clint exhaled. “You’re right. But Lila’s too young to understand it. The marriage is a cover to protect Nat and Tony. That’s between you and me. Got it?”

Coop met his gaze solemnly and nodded. “Got it. I won’t say anything. Though, a few tears and heavy sighs would probably totally get me some awesome toys out of guilt from them, right?”

With a snort, Clint pointed at him. “Yes and no you don’t get to lay a guilt card on them. Especially not Nat.” He wrapped an arm around his son’s shoulders. “Save it for when you really want to tweak Tony and then lay him out with it.”

His son laughed. “I can do that.”

They headed up to the house. Clint was tired, even if it was mid-morning, it felt like late evening. Course to his body, it was evening. In the house, he sent Coop to entertain Nate who’d decided he wanted to take out every toy he owned while Clint headed into the kitchen to pack away the groceries.

“I got it, you go sit,” he told Laura and she gave him a roll of her eyes.

“I’m fine. Help, but don’t get bossy, Mister.” She smacked him lightly and he caught her arm and pulled her back for a sound kiss. Two days and damn he’d missed her.

She sighed into the kiss, her laughter fading as Coop and then Lila began to make hooting gagging noises, but Nate just giggled. Not quite letting her go, he said, “Is it bad I don’t mind traumatizing our kids?”

Laura nipped his lower lip. “Maybe, but I’m right there with you Mr. Barton. They should learn to appreciate open affection.”

“We like affection,” Lila declared. “Kissing is just gross.”

“Oh is it?” Clint gave Laura another kiss before he went after Lila and scooped her up. Then he kissed all over her face as she squirmed and squealed with laughter. “Good,” he told her when he put her down. “No kissing for you then.”

“You’re silly, Daddy.”

“Sometimes,” he said with a wink.

After the groceries were up and the kid’s dispatched with chores to do in their rooms, Clint settled into Laura’s little office as she booted up the computer. He could see Nate in the living room stacking his oversized Legos together trying to build something.

“Hey hon,” he said quietly. “I need to brief you real quick.”

She glanced up at him. “Something happened.”

“You could say that…” Then in a low tone designed not to carry even as he tracked the sound of Lila moving around her room so he could be certain she wasn’t in the hallways or creeping down the stairs, he told Laura about the time in the Sanctum and Nat needing him.

“Oh my god,” she said softly as he finished. “You were gone two minutes here but it was two  _ days _ there?”

He nodded. “Nat texted me before I left the barn. She’s back.”

“Is she all right?”

“She’s Nat.” Undefeatable. “It was hard, but she got through it.”

“It was hard for you, too.”

“I let her down,” he said quietly and bowed his head.

“No,” she said. “You couldn’t have. Not knowing is not the same as failing, Clint. You have been there for her from the beginning and there is no doubt in my mind what you would have done if you’d known even a sliver.”

No doubt in his mind either. When he got his hands on Richardson, he’d extract more than a pound of flesh.

“I’m just glad I could be there for her and I know… it was no time at all to you. I should have told you ahead of time.”

“It’s okay, that counts as an emergency.” She touched his face. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he said after a long moment. “I told her she needed to forgive me and she needed to forgive herself.”

“You need to take your own advice.”

He frowned.

“Forgive yourself, Clint. Forgive her for not being able to tell you sooner. Forgive yourself because they hid it from you and made her hide it from you, too.”

If she weren’t so damn Nat, he might have picked up on the signals. “Work in progress, Laur.” Then he settled his hand over her abdomen. “How are you and the new work in progress?”

“We’re fine.” She ran her fingers up and over his hair. “Go take a nap. You’re exhausted. Stretch out on the sofa and take a dad nap.”

“That usually means the kids all come sit on me while I try to sleep.”

“And you love it.”

“I love you,” he whispered and kissed her lightly.

“I know. Thank you for telling me.”

“Thank you for listening.”

It was stupid that those five little words from her meant everything and those four words in response could light her up. But he’d damn well use them every time if she needed them.

Because he did mean it.

“Yeah, I am gonna nap. I’m tired. We sparred for two days, my muscles have aches where they shouldn’t have them.”

She laughed at him. “I’ll wake you in a couple of hours.”

“Oh,” he said, then paused and listened for Lila. “Lila asked about Tony and Nat.”

“Well, sooner or later, they were bound to hear about it. I’m surprised she didn’t figure it out sooner. I know you were hoping it would have blown over before they needed to know.”

“Yeah, I’m not batting a high average on that one.”

“She take the explanation okay?”

“I think so. Talk to her later?”

“Yep.”

Another kiss to her temple. “Okay, napping now.”

“Go on,” she said, giving his ass a slap. “I want you a little more energetic tonight.”

He chuckled. “Yes, ma’am. I’ll be ready to report for duty.”

Her laughter followed him out and when he slumped on the sofa and stretched out, he was still smiling.

His sofa.

His house.

His family.

God, it was good to be home.

**Steve**

They’d barely cleared the city and angled toward the Compound when the comm sounded. “Yes?”

“Hey, Steve.”

“Nat…hey, you’re back.”

Bucky was on his feet. “That was fast. Everything all right, Doll?”

“Everything is better now…” There was no mistaking the relief in her voice. “Tony said you two were on your way to the Compound.”

“We are. You sure you’re all right?” He flicked a look at the controls. They could shift the trajectory and head toward the cliff house right now. Be there in fifteen.

One hand braced on the co-pilot seat, Bucky glanced at him.

“I am…do you think you can delay your trip to the Compound?”

“Do you need us back there?”

“Yes.”

“Then we’re coming, Doll,” Bucky said even as Steve altered the angle. “Ten minutes—faster if the Punk floors it.”

“I’m flooring it.”

Her soft laughter eddied out. “It’s not an emergency, but…I do need to see you both.”

“You got Tony there, right?”

“He’s right here.”

“Yeah, Cap, I’m here. She looks—a little tired, and her hair is damp, but she’s being cagey with the details until you get here.”

Steve glanced at Bucky, but his best friend just shook his head.

“Because I’d rather just tell the story once. I’m starving so we’re getting more food.”

It hadn’t been that long since breakfast.

“Hey Angel,” Steve said. “Promise me you’re alright.”

“I promise. I’m all right now.”

His pulse settled but he didn’t miss the caveat. “Be there soon.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

The comm ended.

“She said now,” Bucky said softly.

“I heard it.”

“That means she wasn’t all right before.”

“Heard that, too.”

“Go faster.”

“On it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the semi-short chap today, even being ahead I already burned through the extra days I had stored and I've got a cold. But I'm determined to hit my daily's but dayjob writing has to come first.


	23. All By Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nat is reunited with the guys and their time at the cliff house is drawing to a close... for now

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

_ All by Myself _

**Natalia/Natasha**

Three pairs of eyes focused on her, the weight of those stairs leaden. Not a single one of them interrupted as she spoke. Course, she’d given herself away before she’d told them about the time spent in the Sanctum. Betrayed something was wrong the moment Tony arrived upstairs, his expression torn between puzzled and concerned.

When she’d stepped through the portal, Friday had likely picked up the alteration and alerted him. Natalia had crossed the room to wrap her arms around him. He’d hugged her almost automatically.

“Hey,” he said. “That was fast.”

“Not really,” she’d admitted. She’d missed all of them a great deal more than she’d wanted to admit even to herself. Pulling away, she glanced around for a clock. “What time is it?”

“It’s just a little before ten in the morning, Nat,” Friday said.

Ten in the morning.

“Where are Steve and James?”

“They just left Mr. Parker’s residence.”

“They’re en route to the Compound.” Tony still held her, his gaze searching. “What’s wrong Red?”

“Friday can you get them on the comms?”

“Of course,” Friday said.

Natalia put her hand against Tony’s cheek. “Patience? Please?”

“Of course,” he told her but that didn’t erase the worry.

Even after she heard Steve and James’ voices and it helped to ease some of the ache of being gone so long, she hugged Tony again. It was the fact she’d been clinging that gave her away. It only ratcheted his concern, even when she dragged him into the kitchen to make food.

“We just ate a few hours ago.”

“I’m starving. Help me make something?”

She hadn’t had to ask twice. By the time Friday announced the quinjet was back, they had hot sandwiches stacking up. She pressed a kiss to his cheek and then crossed the room toward the door. The minute Steve stepped inside, she had her arms around him and he lifted her up.

“Hey.” Worry coated that single word and she closed her eyes as she breathed him in. Then James had her and she burrowed against him.

“Natalia.” The barest hint of soft reproach. “What happened?”

“Food,” she insisted. “Coffee’s ready, too.”

Only after they were all at the table and she had devoured most of a sandwich did she start. She left out no part. Even after weighing whether to even tell them about the time, she decided to give them the unedited version. Including her own frustration at being unable to break the barriers she’d helped to erect and that in the end…

“He had to bring in Clint,” Steve said, scratching his beard. His words were measured and his tone careful. “You were there for  _ days _ and he brought in Clint and not one of us.”

“Because Clint was there,” Tony supplied, though it sounded like he was testing the reasoning and still didn’t care for the result. “It makes sense.” Even if he didn’t like it.

But James narrowed his eyes. “Clint was part of the conditioning.”

“Yes and no, my feelings where Clint was concerned. The need to be better. The need to protect him, because Richardson told me that our fates were linked. It makes sense…Fury was pissed that he’d brought me in. So my failure would be Clint’s.”

Anytime she said Richardson’s name, the temperature around the table plummeted.

“And it helped?” Steve asked, searching her face. “The triggers are gone?”

“Mostly. Even when they are activated, I’m already undoing it and I won’t cooperate. You can test it if you want…” She could understand needing to know. The tired swamped her, but she didn’t want to give in to any of it. Not when she was getting to talk to them. “I didn’t expect it to take so long and even then…” This was probably the part where she’d get the glares. “When Stephen said you wouldn’t notice the time, that it wasn’t an issue…I knew I could take the time to do it right.”

“Which means you didn’t have to tell us, Red,” Tony said, latching right onto that fact.

“I know,” she admitted. “But I don’t want to lie to any of you. I did think about just…keeping it to myself. Then I thought about the fact that not telling me things to ‘protect’ me pissed me off.”

The corner of James’ mouth tilted up. “And you missed us.”

“You have no idea how much I missed you idiots.” That came out far grumpier than she intended but Steve’s soft chuckle buoyed her. When he reached a hand over to her, she slid her palm across his and he closed his fingers around her.

“I could give you hell on you for putting yourself through that,” he told her simply. “The fact you decided to do it though…” Exasperation and affection tangled in his voice. “That’s so utterly you.”

“Well I’m going to be annoyed,” Tony said, leaning back and folding his arms. “Do you have any idea how many theories of quantum physics I could have explored in a place like that?” The rash of irritation in his voice pulled a grin to her lips. “Seriously Red, I thought you liked me.”

Natalia laughed, but tracked her gaze to James. “I could yell at you, Doll,” he said. “I could scold you for putting yourself through that, because you knew Strange would lock you down.”

That shifted the mood, particularly when she didn’t deny it. “I did. Stephen has been very good about listening to me and I meant it when I said I could trust him. I don’t think I would have agreed if that passage of time happened here, too.”

Squeezing her hand, Steve asked, “You don’t think?”

“I didn’t want to put you guys through anything more. You already had to watch me in cryo. Neither of you wanted to be here when I walked through that portal.”

Tony grimaced. “To be fair, it wasn’t fun even if I understood it.”

Neither Steve nor James denied it.

“But if I could fix it, rip them out, and not put you through the lost time or having to be aware every minute that I was gone…”

“Like you were?” Tony countered. “You knew the passage of time. You endured it and that was okay for you and not for us?”

“In my opinion?” She met his gaze. “Yes. You had to endure while I was in cryo. You all had to endure while the Mandarin held me. You had to endure while I recovered.”

“To be fair, Angel,” Steve said, stroking his thumb over her bruised knuckles. “You had to endure those, too.” He turned her hand over and then looked a little closer. “You’ve been sparring.”

“Three weeks,” she reminded them. “I trained first, I had to do something to pass the time and frankly, I’m glad you didn’t get to see my pathetic attempts at push ups that first week.”

Nope. That didn’t get a single smile.

Tony scrubbed his hands over his face. “How long was Clint there?”

“Two days.”

“So two minutes,” Tony translated.

“Yes.”

The silence elongated around her and James leaned forward, his gaze intent. “How do you feel now?”

“Glad to be home,” she said. “I missed you all terribly.”

That was a vulnerability Natalia almost hated to admit. Natasha, however, gave her every reason why they needed to hear it and, more, deserved to hear it.

“Hmm,” James said. “You really are a sap.”

There was a moment of dead silence at that pronouncement, but the corners of her mouth began to twitch and Steve lifted her hand to kiss it even as he muffled his own laughter.

Tony slanted a look at James then saluted him with the coffee. “Better you than me to call that.”

“No problem. I can take the hit.”

Then they both smiled, but Tony’s fled a moment later and he leveled a look at her. “If it’s been three weeks, you need another check up.”

“You know, I would have thought revenge was beneath you, Shellhead.”

He squinted at her, then said, “Nah, just because I can fly above the fray doesn’t mean I don’t like getting dirty. Did the doc at least do a check-up before you started sparring?”

That earned her a scowl from Steve and she smiled. “In all fairness, he seemed pretty irked with my methods of training versus light activity. Course, as I pointed out in the first week, I didn’t have an opponent hitting me back so that was light.”

The dour looks they sported made her smile wider and then one by one they started chuckling. “Okay, I get why you did it. I get that it was a totally you thing to do…” Steve pinned her with a look. “Partners means we would have been there for you.”

“I know you would have, no complaints.” She wouldn’t make excuses.

“Oh, there would have been complaints, Red,” Tony drew the words out, then studied her again. “But you’re really okay?”

“I’m tired. We spent most of the day going over the triggers one more time.”

Steve was examining her palm, tracing a thumb over the imprints her nails had left where she’d been clenching her hands. The wounds were closed, but the indentions remained.

“What time is it for you, Doll?”

“Um,” she said, frowning as she smothered a half-yawn. Steve let go of her hand as she rose with her empty coffee cup. “Probably half-past seven in the evening give or take an hour. Clint and I had breakfast, trained…then Stephen came shortly before lunch, we did more work on weakening the triggers. I had it down to ten minutes before I could break myself out even if I wasn’t that compliant. By the time they called a halt it was a minute or less. Showered, changed and then we sent Clint back before Stephen sent Cloaky and me here.”

She filled her coffee mug and motioned to where Cloaky waited between the living room and kitchen.

“Stephen and Wong did some research into why Cloaky doesn’t want to leave me, too.”

“Oh, why do I think we’re not going to like this answer?” Tony asked as he followed her with his own mug.

“Not much to like or dislike.” Natalia turned and refilled his mug for him. “They classify Cloaky as a relic. Said he tended to be fickle in who he chose to help. But once he had chosen, he could be loyal. Stephen believes the cloak knows something about a possible threat and believes I must need him.”

They all glanced at the cloak, who for the most part just floated there calmly.

After sliding the carafe back into place, she took a sip. “So, he asked me to be aware. The fact that there are possible threats is something we all know. But…” She shrugged.

“Yeah,” Tony said exhaling before he glanced at the cloak then back to where James and Steve were standing. When they started gathering up the detritus from lunch, she put the coffee mug aside to help.

“That’s it I think,” she said as they worked. “You now have the full briefing.”

James slid an arm around her waist and pulled her back against him. “Thank you for being all right,” he murmured. “If you go ‘out of time’ again, you demand they bring one or all of us to you. Let us be there.”

“I’m with Buck on that one,” Steve said as he began to rinse the plates. “It’s not about your capabilities. It’s about being there for you.”

“I’m going to throw my vote that way, no wonder Strange didn’t want me tagging along.”

“Pretty sure he didn’t want to spend three weeks answering your questions, Tony,” James teased him and Steve snorted.

“Or more he didn’t want Tony exploring and getting into trouble.” At Steve’s response Tony let out a snort.

“I don’t know whether to be offended or just agree,” Tony sputtered and Natalia grinned wider as she leaned back against James. The warmth of him wrapping around her soothed her. Three weeks had been a long time.

Longer than she cared to admit.

“You can be both,” Natalia told him. “Though admittedly, I loved the weapon’s gallery. He had all kinds of toys.”

There were three varying levels of grunts.

Cracking an eyelid open, she found Tony frowning. “What?”

“Toys? He has a weapon’s gallery and you were impressed with  _ his _ toys?”

Against her back, James chuckled and then murmured, “I think you made someone jealous, Doll.”

“I’m not jealous,” Tony argued. “I just wanna know what kind of toys. Because I know I can beat them.”

Steve rolled his eyes even as he grinned.

“C’mon,” James said as he tugged her toward the living room. “You’re tired, so we’re going to rest and take it easy.”

“Tony, could you grab my coffee?”

“Sure,” Tony said. “As soon as you tell me what kind of toys.”

That just set Steve off chuckling. “Now,” he said. “You know how it feels.”

“Know how what feels?”

“The look on her face when she was playing with the dress you got her,” James called over his shoulder. “It really turned her on.”

“Oh.” Tony sounded pleased. “Excellent—hey!”

The fact Steve sprayed him with water sent Natalia into a fit of giggles almost as much as Tony’s outraged glared.

“That would be another reason it was irritating. So now you can enjoy being on the other end of her being turned on by another man’s toys.”

One arm around her waist, James glanced down at her and then grinned.

“Enjoying yourself?”

“Yes,” she said. “I missed you. I missed this. Even when it was…especially when I was having trouble sleeping or the nightmares came and the frustration kept me awake. I kept reminding myself when I fixed it I got to come back here. I got to come home and it would be safe for all of you.”

When James pulled her tighter into an embrace and wrapped his arms around her, she rested her cheek against his chest and sighed. The struggle had been worth it. Chipping away at the leash allowed her to reclaim her own control. Tony brought her out her coffee cup and she slipped from James to him and got another hug. She didn’t even care if he was damp. Then Steve tugged her away and she curled into him.

“I’m almost sad to report I’ve turned into a complete and utter sap, I missed these hugs almost as much as I missed talking to you.” Being alone was something she was good at. She could handle problems on her own. She could survive on her own. She’d done it for decades.

Fuck, she did not want to have to anymore. Not after this.

“Your secret is safe with us, Angel,” Steve promised. They ended up curling up on the sofa. She got to take turns on where she sat, usually trading off every half hour or so.

When Tony vanished for a bit and came back with nail polish, she’d raised her eyebrows.

“Be quiet and give me your feet,” he said and she’d grinned. So propped in James’ lap, she was entertained as Tony painted her toenails. He had very steady hands.

“Let me guess,” Steve said drily. “Iron Man red?”

“Next time you paint her toes, you can pick the color,” Tony snarked and that made her smile.

“How did it go with May?” She asked on the next break between shows.

“She’s tough,” Steve admitted.

“And very protective,” James added with a note of approval. “She didn’t know what to make of me.”

“Yeah,” Steve said slowly. “But she seemed to warm up toward the end.”

“In fairness,” James continued. “She was exhausted and Peter was…”

“… a little too enthusiastic?” Natalia guessed.

“Kid’s really happy about knowing you guys,” Tony suggested. “Be hard on him to not be enthusiastic.”

True.

“But he handled it,” James traced a circle against her arm as he told her of their time at the apartment. “May knows what Mary and Richard did or at least—she knows they were more than just an engineer and a linguist.”

Natalia frowned.

“We can ask…”

“After we talk to her,” James agreed. “But I saw why you liked her, Natalia. You’re right. She has been very good for Peter.”

Tilting her head back, she glanced at James. “That makes her ours to look after, too.”

“Agreed.”

“I already have security provisions for May,” Tony said as he stood. “I can go over all of those with you and you can tweak as you see fit. I ran backgrounds on the teachers at the kid’s school, too. Then looked into his friends.”

“Hmm,” Natalia sighed. “I do love that you’re almost as thorough as I am.”

“Almost?” Tony challenged.

“Have you been in their homes and followed them for a few days to learn their routines and where they keep their secrets?”

Steve blinked at her and Tony raised his eyebrows. “No,” he said slowly. “I pay people to do that.”

“Did you pay them to do that specifically?”

Another blink.

“Then almost,” she concluded. “But don’t worry, we’ll make sure we vet them all.”

“You know,” Tony countered. “There is thorough and then there is stalker-like, Red.”

“Are you trying to tell me something?”

“I’m trying to figure out how much of my life you tracked before you came into the company?”

Natalia grinned.

“Or Steve’s.”

“Nope,” Steve said. “Not a question I have. Nat was in and out of my apartment. Pretty sure she knew everything there better than I did. Almost sure she knew my…” He paused then twisted to look at her as he lifted a log to put in the fire. “Did you do a background check on Sam after you picked me up for the Lumerian Star mission?”

With a slow blink, Natalia met his gaze. “Do you want me to make you feel better or tell you the truth?”

James pressed his face into her neck as he started laughing.

“I also ran the background check on Beth, the waitress at the café two blocks over.”

Steve dropped his chin, then shook his head.

“You’re not the only ones who get to be protective. I’m constantly looking into Tony’s board. There are still a few weeds to get rid of.”

Over the sound of popcorn, Tony said, “Wait until I take you to your first board meeting as Mrs. Stark, you feel free to get rid of as many as you like as long as Pepper approves.”

Natalia grinned. “Deal.”

Somewhere between the popcorn, the movies, and the talking, she fell asleep. Steve said he had to go to the Compound the next day, which was fair. She’d pulled them back before they’d even gotten started on their days. At some point, she and Tony needed to talk to Pepper, she and James had more research to do. Some evidence from plane crashes could be stored for decades in NTSB vaults for research into safety.

If their plane debris was there, she wanted to find it.

Natalia also wanted to track down Nick and she and Clint needed to meet with Maria.

So many moving parts.

Even as she made the mental lists, she fell asleep curled up against Steve. Her eyes opened briefly when he stood and he lifted her. “It’s almost dinner time, Angel. Do you want to try and eat or just sleep?”

Another yawn escaped her and she burrowed against him. The response pulled a chuckle from Steve.

“Sleep it is.”

Upstairs, she almost groaned when he set her down, but she helped him strip her out of her clothes and when he tucked her in, she caught his hand. “I know it’s too early for you to sleep…”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said, crouching down so he was closer to her eye level. “Buck and Tony are going to work on some designs or something, but I’m just gonna get my sketchpad and stay with you if that’s all right.”

Not alone.

“I feel silly but...”

“Never silly,” he murmured as he brushed her hair away from her face. “I hate that you were alone for all those weeks.”

“Stephen tried to be company but I had to work on me,” she admitted. Even as heavy as her eyes were, she didn’t want to close them. “I don’t like sleeping alone as much anymore.”

“No,” Steve said. “That I get. I miss you when you’re not there. But we’re going to make sure at least one of us is around for a while…”

“You don’t have to…”

“Shh,” he said, pressing his finger to her lips. “Remember what I said about telling us what you need? You did. Angel, the fact you called us back here was huge. Even a month ago, you’d have let us go to the Compound all day and waited until we came back to tell us what happened.”

He wasn’t wrong.

“A month before that, you wouldn’t have told us. You’d have kept it quiet because you can endure the hard stuff for us.”

“You think you know me,” she teased softly, but he smiled.

“I think you let me see you more and more,” he murmured, then pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I love you, Angel. I love all the different pieces. But I love that you are letting us take care of you.”

“Hmm, that goes both ways, you know that right?” She got to look after them, too.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way. Now, sleep…”

“Solntce moya?” Her eyes really were getting heavy.

“Hmm?”

“You’re leaving me again tomorrow, do we get another goodbye wake up?”

His laughter wrapped around her like another hug. “It’s been three weeks, huh?”

“Yeah,” she said with a little noise of complaint. “I have missed you.”

“Then I promise,” he whispered, brushing her lips with a kiss. “We’ll make sure we make up for that time. But first, sleep.” The weight of his hand stroking her hair away back settled her and she dropped right off.

~~~

The fact they woke her up exactly like they had the last time tickled her and left her gasping. The only difference was there was no hurry to get out of bed. Eventually, they had to and James told her after the shower that he planned to go with Steve anyway—even as he made a face—if she didn’t mind.

“No,” she murmured. “I don’t mind. I promise, I’m not going anywhere for three weeks this time.”

He laughed but his eyes remained serious. “Good.”

Over breakfast, they debated about when to head back to the Tower. As much as she wanted to get back to work, she didn’t want to leave the cliff house. Not after she’d just gotten back. There were messages from Peter waiting for her, too. He had another snow day, but he planned to spend it playing games with his friends, but he really wanted to know if they could pull off the Compound over the weekend.

Someone was missing Wanda.

Speaking of which…

She needed to talk to Wanda about her training with Stephen. The time thing had definitely taken some getting used to and she didn’t want her burning the candle too fiercely at both ends.

After Steve and James left, she curled up on the sofa with Liho and watched as Tony stared intently at a StarkPad. The fierce frown was far from standard concentration.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said, then paused and glanced at her. “Nothing you need to worry about.”

“Uh huh. What’s wrong?”

“Just more threats, Red. More stupid articles. More idiots speculating shit.” He shook his head.

“You should be used to that last one,” she reminded him.

“About me? Fine, I don’t care. I don’t like when they lump you in it.”

She shrugged. “Tony, there have been articles about me since the Battle of New York.”

“Not like this.”

“Well no, but I wasn’t high profile then. SHIELD also scrubbed a lot and shut those down. After I testified in front of Congress though…”

It was a fact of life now.

“Hmm.”

“Okay, you can sit there glaring at those reports or you can come sit with me and let me go over them, too. Then you won’t have to worry on your own.”

“I copied most of them to a box for you on the server. You can look at them later,” he said, shutting the StarkPad off and setting it aside. Leaning forward, he clasped his hands. “We need to talk plans.”

“Ah…” She stroked Liho’s back. Her phone buzzed next to her and she glanced down at the screen.

**James:** At Compound. Snow is still pretty deep, the roads look a lot better. Reports from the city are good. You still good?”

**Natalia:** Not even a little bit. But you like me when I’m bad.

**James:** You just want to get back on the board. I’d have thought you would still be sore after this morning.

She grinned.

**Natalia:** Always time for more.

**James:** Now we have to hang out with Sam. Very mean, Natalia. You get your wish. That’s one.

She actually laughed and sent him back a happy smiley face before glancing at Tony. The amused expression he wore made her smile grow.

“I like it when you’re happy,” he admitted.

“I like it when you’re happy, too. When you get down to it, we’re pretty simple people.”

“Not even a little bit, Red,” he said with a long sigh. “But then you know that.”

“I do. Talk to me, Tony. What’s going on?”

“Yesterday got me thinking.”

“Always dangerous,” she teased and some of his sober expression relaxed.

“I’m trying to be serious here, Red.”

“I know, I’m trying to make you feel better.”

He widened his eyes. “Well stop, it’s my turn.”

“I didn’t realize we were going in rounds.”

That made him laugh. “No, I guess we’re not, still I’m calling dibs right now.”

“Very well, proceed then. You were thinking…”

He made a face, then he grinned as he shook his head. “I was thinking about when we get back to the Tower. I want to take you out for another date.”

“Okay.”

“And…we need to go for a meeting at Stark Industries, for real. Make a quick showing at the board meeting. The final quarter meeting is coming up and Pepper’s going to present the driverless car, you should be there for that.”

“Tactical reasons?” If he just wanted her to get a round of applause, she could skip that nonsense particularly since Tony hated those meetings.

“Prove you’re fine. Put real pictures out there to shut up the doubters. Establish some territory at the company. Make sure the company sees I’m fine with Pepper maintaining her position as CEO. We don’t have to stay for the whole thing, but a fly-by would be a good idea.”

“Then we need to have the reception.”

“That, too. But those are fairly containable, both of them. The Accords is the big one.”

It was the one that mattered to her. “I can start working on the language. Just have you and T’Challa copy me in on what you have so far.”

“Can do.”

“Tony, all of that is not what has you worried. Talk to me.”

He grimaced. “You went through the portal and spent three weeks away and we had no idea anything was going on. It was twenty minutes here. Twenty minutes where I felt sorry for myself for five minutes then made myself head down to the lab to get some work done and pretend to be useful because I wasn’t useful to you.”

Pushing off the sofa, she crossed to where he was sitting. “Tony…”

Hands on her hips, he steadied her as she straddled his lap, one knee on either side of him. Cupping his face, she nudged his gaze up to meet hers.

“Red,” he said. “Those bracelets are supposed to protect you. I checked the readings on them after you went to sleep. Nothing. Not even a blip. They recorded the twenty minutes like nothing happened. What the hell good am I if I have no idea what is happening to you?” The tension around his eyes grew fiercer even as his breathing grew shallower and his pulse sped up.

“Stop. You’re going to trigger a panic attack, so stop. Breathe with me…”

“Dammit, Red.” He tilted his head back, pulling out her grasp. “This isn’t about me…”

“It absolutely is about you. Because these bracelets you made me saved my life not just once, but at least three times that I can think of very specifically. The explosion at the U.N.? The Other Guy knocking me across the square? The sniper shot that tried to take my head off?”

“But I didn’t know you were in trouble.”

“Tony I wasn’t in trouble. I knew Stephen might contain me when I told him about the triggers. Like us, he recognizes real threats and he doesn’t have the emotional investment to blunt the need with a layer of protection. You guys keeping me off the grid is essentially the same thing, only I’m with all of you instead of there.”

He scowled at her. “Don’t think I didn’t realize that, too, Red. That you knew it might happen and said nothing to us before you went.”

“I told you I trusted Stephen that hasn’t changed.”

“You trusted him to lock you up.”

“I trusted him to try and help me. To recognize that I had to get these triggers out of my head and to not soften the blow of removing them because he wanted to make me feel better and feel safe. I didn’t need Stephen to make me feel safe.”

Tony’s scowl deepened. “That’s why he had to get Clint though.”

“Partially. Tony…they spent hours triggering me, asking me questions, asking me to relive portions that I’d shared with Richardson. It wasn’t enough. A lot of that is really ugly and no I don’t want to share it with you or James or Steve.” She’d shared more with Steve on some of those subjects than she cared to admit. She’d confessed other pieces to Tony. James had been there for some of the uglier moments in her past.

“You know it wouldn’t change my opinion or theirs.”

“I know, but I don’t want us to just be about the traumas. What I did…I did to myself as much as Richardson.” When he would have protested, she pressed her finger to his lips and he tightened his grip on her hips. “I did. I let him use my feelings for Clint against me. Because I embraced changing those pieces, that lull of control, so I could be better. Beyond all of that, when Stephen told me that the Sanctum was outside of time—that it would move differently. That none of you would know and even your technology wouldn’t get through, I agreed to staying because you wouldn’t have to miss me.”

“Doesn’t mean I like it,” he countered.

“Accepted. But I promise, if it had been three weeks in real-time, no way in hell I wouldn’t have gotten one or all of you or just left on my own.”

“You think you could get out of a magical fortress?” As soon as he asked the question, he paled. “Dammit, Red, I’m sorry.”

Pressing her forehead to his, she smiled. “It’s all right. I nearly did get out of there. So yes, I think I could have. I learned a lot from that particular experience. I also had Cloaky.”

He frowned. “But he’s…”

“On my side,” Natalia told him. “To be honest, if I’d fought Stephen. If I’d insisted, we’d have done something else. Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Do you trust me with  _ me _ ?”

He sighed. “You made your point.”

“I hope so because I’m trusting you about the board meeting and the party—and the pictures. I’m trusting you with you, too.” Reaching over, she picked up the StarkPad. “That’s how this works. Partners. Friends. Billionaire geniuses.”

A lazy smile creased his face. “You stealing my line, Red?”

“Well, I’m half-a-billionaire right?”

“Oh no, if you’re talking half my assets it’s a whole lot more than that…”

Natalia paused. “Tony, that prenup does not give me half your assets, right?”

“I wish. I might burn it later, but no, my attorneys would never have gone for that. They might even lock me up, but… doesn’t mean you don’t have access to all of it.” He tapped her on the nose. “So welcome to the billionaire genius club.”

She snorted.

“Show me the threats. Let’s work those together, then you’ll feel better, too.”

“Will you let me help you and Bucky on this hunt for the people who bombed Mary’s plane?”

“When the time comes, but you have to let James and I deal with them.”

“I’ll back your play,” Tony promised. “Whatever it is.”

When he gripped her nape she pressed her forehead to his again. “Thank you.”

He let out a breath and the tension seemed to bleed out of him. “This is going easier than I expected.”

“Well, it’s usually easier when you just agree with me and admit that I’m right and let me sit here in all my rightness.”

Laughter squeezed out of him and he kissed her. “Nice, Red.”

“I thought so.” Then she leaned back and held up the StarkPad. “Now…let’s solve your problems so you have one less thing to worry about.”

“If I’m good, do we get to make out after?”

Natalia chuckled. “Quite possibly.”

“I like motivation.”

~~~

“We might have to go to Thailand,” Steve said as she stretched back against him in the bath.

“Well, that could be fun.”

“Not really,” he chastised lightly, stroking a finger down her arm. “Four different transports have vanished. The fact we can’t find them or pick up their transponders…”

“I know, that’s why Tony’s working with Friday right now and I would be, but someone said I had to have at least one more night of rest or he was going to be cross with me.”

“I did not say I would be cross with you,” he scolded, then nipped her ear. “I said I needed an evening with you.”

“Oh,” she said, with a smile. “That’s right.” Lifting her leg up, she braced a foot on the side. “You did say that and then,” she reminded him as she ran her fingers along his thigh. “You said since I resumed training without clearance that I needed to take at least one more night of rest and wouldn’t that work out for us. So…implied, not explicit.”

He chuckled. “I’ll concede your point.”

“You don’t want me to go to Thailand.”

“No, Angel, I don’t, but…” He pressed his lips to her shoulder. “I’m not ruling it out, either. Tell me, do you think you’re up for a full mission with possible hostiles of unknown origin and strength?”

“No.”

Surprise jerked through him and she leaned her head back against his shoulder.

“Surprised I’m not arguing yes?”

“A little,” he said with a frown. “More worried than surprised.”

“I’ve been down for more weeks than I’ve been training and I didn’t even get into full contact sparring until the last couple of days. Stephen sparred with me, but he was very careful to limit his hits. Clint was a lot more aggressive, but he was also careful. I need at least a week, maybe two. I also need time on the shooting range and I need…”

She didn’t get to finish because he turned her head and then kissed her. Sighing against his mouth, she rolled over in the water and then deepened the kiss. Delight curled through her as he cupped her face in his damp hands and when she lifted her head, she raised her eyebrows.

“Shooting range is usually James’ kink, not yours.”

Steve let out a rich laugh and then pinched her ass lightly. “No, I’m savoring this strong vein of self-preservation versus your usual stubborn resolve to just do the job no matter what it costs.”

“I have a lot to live for,” she reminded him. “And I’m trying very hard not to drive you crazy.”

“Too late,” he teased, then kissed her again.

Leaning back, she settled on his lap and tilted her head. “Too late?”

“I’m crazy about you, Angel.”

She groaned and he laughed again. “Dorogoi, that was so cheesy.”

“Hmm… Lyubit' tebya – eto kak dyshat'… ya prosto ne mogu ostanovit'sya.” The Russian rolled over her and she blinked, delighted.

“You’ve been practicing,” she murmured.

“A little,” he admitted. “Had Buck help me with that one.”

“Oh I know,” she said, grinning. “Your pronunciation is nearly as terrible as his.”

That pulled another laugh out of him. “How is ‘loving you is like breathing… I just can’t stop,’ not as cheesy as being crazy about you?”

“Because Russians are poetic in everything we do from our comedies to our tragedies and even our romances.” Drawing a finger down his nose, she added, “Ty moy ray, ty moyo nebo, ty moyo solntce.”

“I am your sun,” he said softly. “Is the first one light?”

“Nyet—it is paradise,” she whispered then kissed him lightly. “You are my paradise, my sky, and my sun.”

His eyes lit up. “Now who is being cheesy?”

“Russians are not cheesy, we are poetic, I told you.” Then she kissed him slowly and sighed as he opened to her and then she settled against his chest as he ran his hands along her back. The hot steamy water was delightful on her muscles.

She’d spent the day with Tony, vetting all the threats and teasing him out of his bad mood. Then she’d invited him to play make out chess. He got a kiss for every pawn of hers he captured and he had to give her one for every pawn of his she captured.

It had been a delightful game.

Dinner had been light and fun, Steve and James brought takeout back with them and then she’d come up here to bathe and spend some time with Steve.

“What would you like to do tonight?”

She grinned at his question. “Besides you?”

That pulled another laugh out of him. “Yes, Angel, besides me.”

“Hmmm… we have to go back to the city, soon.”

“Hmm-hmm.”

“Shall I pose for you and we can explore your studio some more—research you know. So we can compare it to the one at the Tower.”

“Research,” he said slowly.

“Hmm-hmm.”

“I can do research.”

Then he dragged her back for another kiss and the water sloshed around them. She didn’t really mind. They didn’t linger much longer and she fully enjoyed how he got her into pose…

Also, she might have begun her dirty word education for him. After all, if he wanted to kiss her everywhere, he might as well know what they were called.

Steve agreed that was fair.

He was such a lovely learner and quick study.

~~~

Natalia nudged open the door to the lab and then padded barefoot over to where James worked on his drone. Or where James stared at the drone while not moving. She’d pulled on Steve’s abandoned t-shirt when she’d crawled out to come down in search of James. Steve was still asleep and according to Friday so was Tony.

“Hey Doll,” he murmured as she ran her hands over his back and then slid them around him so she could lean against him and hug.

“Trouble sleeping?”

“A little,” he admitted, covering her hands on his chest. “Restless. Didn’t want to bother you or Stevie.”

“Hmm. Can I help?”

“You do every day because you’re right here.”

She smiled.

“There’s a picture of Peter with his parents at their apartment,” James continued quietly. “I saw it when I went there before—with Clint. I didn’t know it was her.”

“Zvezda moya, the last time you saw our malyshka, she was a baby. Barely speaking but a few words. She was so tiny. The Mary in that picture was an adult and you had no reason to look for evidence of us in her face.”

“But it’s there,” he said. “The picture—if I looked at it. I could see you in her. A little of my sisters, too.”

Natalia rubbed her cheek against his back.

“The answer was there and I didn’t see it.”

“The answer was in Peter, too,” she whispered. “Neither of us saw it.”

“He looks like his father,” James said softly. “But I see Mary in him now. But he definitely takes after you.”

Natalia laughed. “You don’t have to sound so aggrieved.”

“Reckless. Impulsive. All heart.” James shifted and pulled away so he could turn around. She slid her hands up to wrap around his neck as he tugged her forward. “Charming.”

“I was never all heart,” she argued. “Reckless. Sometimes. Impulsive?” She shrugged. “I usually had a plan. But my heart…?”

“Pure and huge,” he told her. “That heart loved the Soldier when he barely remembered what it was to be human. That heart saved my soul over and over again.”

“I only ever had a soul because of you,” she chided, then kissed him. “I can’t imagine who I would have become if I’d never known you. I was so much their creature then. That life—that pain, it was all I knew.”

“No,” he whispered. “Even then, your heart was there. You may have built armor around it, but if you had no heart you would never have seen what the Soldier and I were doing.”

Well, he wasn’t wrong.

“Peter is like you, Natalia—those videos of Mary—she was like you, too. They are the yous that did not grow up in that hellish place.”

“They are us,” she corrected. “They are what we made—something beautiful.”

He sighed. “I don’t know if May will ever trust me.”

“You’ve met her once. Give her time and I know she will learn to care about you. It’s impossible not to. You are a good man, James.”

“No, I’m not,” he said. “But then you’re the only one who truly sees me.”

“I think Steve’s getting very observant.”

There was a soft huff of laughter. “Kid called me a hero,” he admitted. “Defended me to May.”

“Good. I’ll be defending you, too, if necessary. No one gets to put you in a box or label you as anything other than who you are.”

He raised his brows, some of the shadows around his pale eyes shifting as he studied her. “And who am I, Natalia?”

“You’re my James. The man who saved my life, who loved me, who taught me what it was to be human.”

His expression gentled. “You were always human, they couldn’t beat that out of you no matter how they tried.”

“Nor could they strip it from you,” she whispered. “Or that Soldier wouldn’t have cared about the broken jaw Leonid gave me or the vicious attack even after the halt had been called.” She kissed him. “He wouldn’t have forbidden those three from coming anywhere near me during training even if I could take them.” Another kiss. “He wouldn’t have altered the parameters of missions to come after me when a sacrifice play would have been more efficient.” Sliding her fingers through his hair, she said, “He wouldn’t have adjusted his shot to keep me alive not just once, but three times.”

“The Soldier loves you, Natalia.”

“I know, just as I know Natasha loves him nearly as much as we love you.”

Surprise flickered in his eyes.

“Yes, James, Natasha loves the Soldier, too. Or she did even without me there. I have always loved him. He was my first in many ways, but she learned to love him these last few months. That attachment, it’s here. It’s always been here.”

“I am brooding about what might have been.”

“It’s all right,” she said, nuzzling a kiss to his jaw. The sharp bite of the stubble there prickling her lips. “You can still brood if you want. I’ll just stay with you while you do.”

James cradled her closer. “You know what I want to do rather than brood?”

“Hmm?”

“Make love to you in front of the fire…”

“Pretend we’re at the cabin again?”

“Da.”

She smiled. “You know Steve or Tony could come down.”

“We have hours yet before they’ll be awake,” James said as he lifted her. “Besides, half the fun was in not getting caught.”

She snorted. “Half? I think you gravely overestimate my adrenaline tendencies. Having you touch me was easily more than fifty percent of the fun.”

Laughing, he strode toward the door. “How much more?”

“Fifty-five percent.”

As he ascended the stairs, he eyed her. “And the other forty-five percent?”

She nipped at his throat and enjoyed his shudder. “Touching you, zvezda moya. Touching you.”

They made it to the fire, then James realized she had nothing on under the shirt. The first round didn’t even have the fire burning after which, boneless and laughing, he insisted on getting it started so they could do it again—the right way.

Dawn and Steve found them in a pile of blankets in front of the embers of the fire.

James really didn’t get any brooding in and she really didn’t mind.

At all.

~~~

“We could wait until Sunday,” Tony suggested. “Have one last weekend here.”

“We’ll have lots of weekends here,” Natalia said. “Even days in the week. But if James and Steve are going to Thailand…” And she rather suspected Tony would join the rest of the team. “Then we need to head back. There are a lot of things we need to do. We can’t do them all from here.”

No matter how much they might like it.

James covered her hand. “We’ll be back.”

“Da,” she said. “I demand it.”

“You do, huh?” Steve said, a grin curving his lips. “So, having a place of our own isn’t so bad, is it?”

“Hush, you can say you told me so.”

Tony laughed. “Nah, Steve’s lots smarter than that, Red. Lots smarter.”

Liho stared at her from the back of the sofa. She’d slept with Tony the night before. “Friday?”

“Yes, Nat?”

“Do you have supplies for Liho at the Tower?”

“I do,” Friday said. “I have stocked your floor, Captain Rogers’ floor, and the Penthouse.”

James grinned. “Bad luck coming with us?”

“Do any of you mind?”

“Nope,” Steve said. “She’s family, too.”

If they lingered over breakfast, none of them complained. They’d be back, but it was always hard to call an end to a vacation.

The real world was waiting. Natalia had to train.

There were people she had to catch.

She had a list.

And she knew exactly who she was going after first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note. This cold is truly kicking my butt, so I'm going to be a few days before I update again. I need to stay on dayjob stuff and deadlines. This wraps up the first arc of this particular book and lays the groundwork for the rest. Please bear with me if you will. I hope it will only be a few days.


	24. Taking Care of Business

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not everyone has been on vacation...

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

_ Taking Care of Business _

**Peter**

“Karen we need to get ahead of that car.”

“Route established, Peter. Cut across those two buildings and you will be in front of the vehicle.” He didn’t slow as he raced across the top of the building and sent the webbing out to connect to the next. Leaping, he used the web to control his swing before he flipped and landed to race forward and leap again.

The car fish-tailed below, the impact of it striking a light post spreading glass and debris on the slick roads. Diving, Peter targeted the area in front of it and sprayed the webbing before he landed. The car impacted against the web-formed netting as it ricocheted off the light post. One of the passengers slammed through the window and hit the second wave of netting.

The other impacted on the airbag blowing up in his face. Panting, Peter checked the first guy. Pulse steady, shock more than damage. A few cuts. Hopefully no broken bones. He bound him up and made sure to stabilize the neck.

Aunt May stressed that was one of the few decent things they did on the emergency shows and he’d been doing his own research. On the ground, he checked the driver. Still breathing. Nose bloody, not broken. Pulse steady. After securing him to the steering wheel, he reached past him and snagged his gun. It took him a few seconds to identify it then he stripped it apart before he broke it.

Then he pulled open the back door and checked the bags of cash on the floor.

“Peter, the police are on their way as well as an ambulance.” The guys had hit a half-dozen ATMs before he caught up to them.

“Awesome.”

The guy in the front seat groaned and Peter patted his shoulder.

“Hang in there buddy, the cops will have a nice warm cell for you tonight. And next time… remember they put a limit on withdrawals for a reason.” Bounding away, he was up on the roof before the first red and blue lights flashed around the corner.

“Mr. Parker,” Friday cut in. “Boss wanted me to remind you that you’re supposed to avoid high-speed pursuits, particularly with armed gunmen.”

“They weren’t really that armed,” Peter pointed out. “They weren’t shooting at me.”

“At least not then,” Karen amended. “They ceased fire a block earlier when Peter went high.”

“Understood,” Friday stated. “However, I will have to report this incident.”

“Aww, c’mon Friday,” Peter said. “If you tell him, then he tells Mom and then she gets upset…”

“And if they don’t tell him or your mother,” Wanda said softly from behind him. “Then they are lying for you.”

Peter managed to not let out a shout as he leapt, then twisted mid-air and landed facing the gorgeous redhead laughing at him. Dressed in a warm jacket, scarf, gloves with a knit cap pulled over her ears, she looked awesome. It felt like forever since he’d last seen her.

Bounding over to her, he lifted her up for a hug and she laughed as she returned it.

“I’d forgotten why I don’t like this mask,” she teased him as she patted his face and his cheeks went hot. Thankfully, she couldn’t see him.

“Oh, sorry.” He set her down, then tapped something so it would peel back. “Hi.”

Her eyes shimmered a little in the low light cast by the lamp near the exit door on the roof. “There you are. Though now you look cold.”

“Nah,” he said. In reality, his face was on fire. “Just got a little winded from the running.”

“Hmm,” Wanda said then glanced toward the roof edge. “I saw. You did that very well.” Teeth scraping over her lower lip, she focused on him. “But it would be better if Natasha heard the story from you, yes?”

He groaned and tilted his head back. “Yes.” She wasn’t wrong. “I just think she’s had enough things to worry about and I’m  _ fine _ .” Spreading his arms, he gave her a grin.

“Yes, you are. So when you tell her, you can assure her that you were conscious of the threats and minimized them by leaving their sightlines and intercepting after they thought they’d gotten away.”

Eyes narrowed, Peter said, “How long have you been following me?”

“A few blocks,” she grinned. “I wanted to surprise you when your patrol was over and Karen filed your route tonight so I was on my way when the commotion started.”

She’d come to see him.

“Surprise.”

It was a good surprise. “You’re right, it would be better if I told her. Friday, can you and Karen let me file it in my report tonight?”

“Yes, Peter, I concur, but Friday is still debating the protocols Mr. Stark has in place.”

“Well,” Wanda said, brushing a lock of her hair away from her cheek. “Technically, I’m here and I know about it so in a way it has been reported to the Avengers.”

“I believe Nat would call that ‘splitting hairs’,” Friday stated. “I will give you one hour to file that report and then I will notify, Boss.”

Reasonable. “Thank you, Friday.”

“You’re welcome, Mr. Parker.”

“Um… do you think you and Karen could give us a little privacy?” Even if the breeze was nippy up here.

“Of course, Peter.” The comm in his ear went quiet.

Wanda chuckled and he beckoned her back closer to the building and out of the wind. “You want to be alone with me. I’m flattered.”

“I’ve missed you,” he admitted.

“We talk almost every day,” she said, but her smile faded a little.

“I’ve only missed one call and… I was up late with Mom.”

“I was only teasing,” she said almost too quickly. “I’ve missed you, too. I had training here in the city, so since Stephen had already brought me over. I stepped out for a few hours.”

A few hours?

“Really?”

She nodded.

“You hungry?”

“Very.”

He checked the time and then glanced at her. “I gotta change real quick, but—we could go for a slice. I know a great place.”

“I’d like that.” When she touched his cheek, his heart thudded noisily against his ribs. Dipping his gaze to her lips, he started to lean in and then she added in a whisper, “But you should file that report first.”

A laugh escaped him and then faded when she pressed her lips to his. The thrill of it shot through him and rested his hands on her shoulders, careful to not pull her too close. But when she teased the seam of his lips with her tongue, he wrapped his arms around her and shifted so he could block the wind.

His already hot cheeks seemed to spread to scalding everywhere and he shuddered as she pulled back a fraction. It was suddenly not cold at all. Like even the breeze had stopped. Wanda’s eyes sparkled and danced with red light as she glanced up and he stole a look.

There was a red shield around them.

“Woah…” In Wakanda, she’d lifted all the furniture in the room during their first kiss and then their second. It wasn’t until they’d stolen away to make out for a little outside that she’d managed to not levitate the items around them.

“I had the extra energy, I thought it would be nice if we were warm…”

“Yeah.”

“But you have that report.”

“I do,” he said with a nod. “Hey, Karen…” He never took his gaze off her.

“Yes, Peter?”

“Give me a thirty-minute timer to get moving if we’re still at this location.”

“You got it, Peter. Anything else?”

“No, privacy again.”

“Of course…” Then in a whisper, she said, “Be sure to stroke her cheek, the research suggests girls like that and they like having their shoes admired.” Hopefully, only he heard that.

The roof could have swallowed him whole right then. “Thank you, Karen,” he said in a strained voice.

“Thirty minutes?” Wanda asked and Peter cupped her face.

“Do you mind? It feels like forever.”

“It really does,” she agreed. “Thirty minutes?”

“Unless you’re really hungry.”

“I can do thirty minutes…and since the clock is ticking…” She grinned.

He wasn’t sure which of them reached for the other first, but her lips were open under his and the rest of the world faded.

Making out was like the second best thing in the world.

  
  


**Sam**

“Hey,” he said as he leaned against the doorjamb to her office, arms folded. “You said you were going to be done in ten minutes, roughly three hours ago.”

Sharon looked up from her computer, then jerked her gaze to the time he would bet before wincing. “Oh crap…I was scanning through the most recent reports out of Asia. There are at least three other missing vessels that weren’t reported.”

Frowning, Sam reached behind him to catch the rolling cart and tugged it into the office with him. The food was hardly gourmet, but he’d flown out for pizza—despite the cold—and chilled her favorite wine. After setting it near the desk, he circled around to look at the screen.

“Where?”

“One in Singapore, two near the Philippines.”

That brought the number close to ten. The Committee wanted them aware of it and “researching” but currently the independent governments were conducting their own investigations.

“All three in the last twenty-four hours,” Sharon sighed, rubbing a hand against the back of her neck. “They’re going to be heading into a special session in a few hours.”

“Which means you have to go into the city.”

“I think I better. I’ve sent a message to Steve, he said he’d come if they were going to put the Avengers in charge.”

Sam nodded. “Can I?” He motioned to her shoulders and she gave him a slow blink before she turned slightly. At the unspoken invitation, he replaced her hand on her nape with his own as he worked the taut muscles there and then down across her shoulders.

Rigid didn’t begin to describe it.

“You’ve been working too hard,” he scolded lightly and she snorted.

“I’ve been doing a lot of reports and computer work,” she countered. “I’ve done much tougher.”

“Maybe,” he said, pressing his thumb into a particularly stubborn knot. “This is an entirely different kind of work. Field ops mean you move, you’re engaged, you can pour your stress out into your actions. This stuff…” He nodded to the screen whether she could see his action or not. “This is the kind of thing that follows you into the shower or when you try to sleep.” Lowering his head, he murmured, “Especially when you sleep on the sofa in your office.”

While she’d tucked the pillow behind the end table, the blanket was lying across the back of it.

“It was a nap,” she admitted.

“That you took in here from midnight to four a.m. last night while waiting on reports.”

Tipping her head back, she studied him. The faint red around her beautiful brown eyes coupled with the hint of shadows beneath them offering further testimony to her lack of sleep. “Spying on me, Wilson?”

“Just watching your back,” he said firmly. “You spy types tend to forget you’re not on your own.”

“We spy types?” The husky murmur made him grin as did the raise of her eyebrows, but she closed her eyes and tipped her head forward as he found another stubborn knot.

“Yes, ma’am,” he continued. “You spy types. Lone wolves. Running on caffeine, adrenaline, and mission reports. You forget that you have a team backing you up. Now, guy like me… we know when to rely on our wingman and to loop them in when we need support.”

“I thought you were pararescue.” But the smile in her voice made him grin a little wider.

“Then that tells you I know all about dropping into the troubled situation to get my people out.” Stroking his thumb along the column of her neck, he enjoyed the easing of the tension.

“I gotta tell you, Wilson, you’re a lifesaver right now.”

“I aim to please. I brought supplies with me, too.”

“Rations,” she said, chuckling, then reached up to cover his hand with hers. Slowing his motion, he stilled and waited for her move. She raised his hand to her face, then leaned her cheek into the contact.

“Well, it’s not MREs,” he teased. “So I guess you’ll just have to deal with pizza.”

“It smells like heaven. Though that could be you, too.”

He grinned. “If I gotta compete with the pizza, I can handle it.”

Head back, she looked up at him. “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy.”

“Not a thing, Sharon, I mean it. Not even a thing. I just worry about you. Think I can coax you out of the chair to eat and take a break? I’ll even sit and watch the screen for you if you’re that worried.”

Still gripping his hand, she eased the chair back and he sidestepped so he was still holding her hand as she stood “I just wanted to resolve this before we had to deploy the whole team. I know Natasha’s still recuperating, but it’s been one thing after another the last few months.”

“That’s the job,” Sam told her lightly. “Steve’d say the same thing.”

And had when he and Bucky had come by the Compound. The man looked a hell of a lot happier and rested. After everything that went down in Los Angeles, Sam had been worried. But after talking to him and seeing him, he was less concerned now.

“Yeah, I know,” Sharon said then squeezed his hand. “Pizza sounds really good. The wine sounds better, but…”

“You shouldn’t drink if you have to go in.” Lifting her hand, he kissed it gently. “Go sit and eat. I’ll grab us something non-alcoholic. Ask Vision to take over monitoring for a bit?”

“He’s there,” Sharon said and Sam frowned.

“What?”

“Vision headed out this morning. He wanted to do some more investigating. See if he could get some readings we weren’t.” She checked her watch. “He arrived about four—four and a half hours ago. It’s how I found out about the Singapore vessel.”

“He go by himself?” Sam tugged her around to the sofa before delivering one of the boxes of pizza to her.

“Yes,” she said with a sigh as she sat and flipped open the pizza box. “And before you say it, yes, I told him it was also a bad idea. He cleared it with Steve and I believe Friday deployed two of the Iron Legion with him.”

“That is correct, Ms. Carter,” Friday offered. “I am currently monitoring Vision’s status and he has remained in constant communication via my satellites. Captain Rogers is also monitoring the progress remotely with his updates as is the Boss. Would you like me to take over full monitoring for a while so that you can rest?”

Picking up the wine bottle and the glasses, Sam gave her a look and the corners of her mouth curved. “Yes, thank you, Friday. I’m going to have dinner and then probably nap for a couple of hours.”

“At least six,” Sam corrected. “And you’re doing it in a bed.”

She lifted out the piece of pizza and gave him a bland look. “I’ll be fine with two.”

Smiling, he said, “You’re damn fine right now and if you’re even finer after two, just imagine how much better you’ll be at six.” With a wink, he headed for the door. “Six hours, Sharon and if it requires me sitting on you, well—I’m willing to offer myself to the cause.”

Her laughter followed him into the hallway and he nodded, satisfied with the humor. In the kitchen, he stored the wine and got out some iced tea. “Friday?”

“Yes, Mr. Wilson?”

“Let Steve know Sharon needs some shuteye tonight, I’ll handle any emergency calls and get Rhodey on a rotation.”

“I’ll take care of it, Mr. Wilson. I take it you don’t want me to inform, Ms. Carter?”

“That would be great. I know there are some things she  _ has  _ to deal with, but I’d prefer we minimize as much as possible. We don’t need her collapsing.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Friday stated.

Glasses in hand, he paused. “Where’s Wanda?”

“She’s gone to train with Doctor Strange. She will be back in a few hours. Do you need me to contact her?”

“Nah. We should be good. Just… have her check-in if I’m up when she gets back?”

“I’ll let her know.”

Wanda had been gone more often than at the Compound the last few weeks. The training made sense, but part of what made the team a team was working together and keeping a thumb on each other’s pulse. With Nat away, Sam had to step up. She always made it look easy, too.

In the meanwhile, he’d focus on Sharon. They were two steps forward and one step back the last few weeks. Their Christmas vacation had been great in his opinion, but they came back to one fire after another. 

She needed someone to look after her and Sam nominated himself for the job. When he got back to the office, she was sound asleep on the sofa, a piece of half-eaten pizza in hand.

Case in point...

**Pepper**

“You should come sit down,” Marc said as he poured the wine. “I guarantee you if you go through that financial report one more time, the numbers aren’t going to change.”

She chuckled as she slanted a look at him. It was late and she was still at her desk. Honestly, though, she’d spent most of the previous week from home with the storms keeping her. Marc had made it home in time to be stuck in his hotel, but they’d spoken a few times. “I don’t expect the numbers to change, but there’s a board meeting next week and I like to prepare.”

“You are the most prepared woman, I know,” he carried the glass of wine over and she took it carefully. It used to be he’d bring the bottles to tease her with a new one but after the Christmas party, she’d had Friday destroy most of her stock and they’d gone through and tested new bottles that came straight from one of Tony’s wineries.

It wasn’t like her therapist didn’t already charge her three hundred dollars an hour, the wine tab just added on to it. “Thank you,” she told him and smiled when he dropped a kiss on her upturned face. “I know we haven’t seen much of each other these last few weeks.”

He brushed her cheek with two fingers before he straightened. “You’ve been a very busy woman.” There wasn’t an ounce of reproach in his voice. “I knew what I was getting into when I asked you out that first time.” He held up his own wine glass and they clinked them together. “I have no regrets or illusions.”

Impossible, but she gave him another smile before she tugged off her glasses and darkened the screen on the reports. Lover or not, the information in them was still proprietary. “How long before you have to go?”

Pausing after one sip, he met her gaze. “That transparent am I?”

“No,” she said unfolding from the chair. She’d kicked off her shoes already and Marc topped her easily when she went barefoot. “You just have that planning look you get when you’re about to tackle a new project.”

“It’s… a work in progress,” he admitted. “But if it lures you out from behind the desk for some Chinese and wine? I will gladly let you pick my brain.”

The break had been good for them. She’d actually missed him these past few days and they’d been talking more. “I’m always interested,” she promised as they walked over to the sofa and chairs in the corner of her office. She curled up onto one and examined the food he’d picked out. All of them were her favorites. Another sip of the wine and she reached out a hand to touch his face as he sat next to her.

“Are you?”

The question was quiet, but intense.

“Yes,” she said slowly. “I know I’ve been very preoccupied.”

“Stark got married,” he said simply. “I kind of guessed that caught you off-guard as well as left you with a lot of work to deal with.”

Guilt rippled through her. When she’d made the announcement, she hadn’t informed anyone ahead of time except for Friday and Natasha’s attorney. Not even Rhodey had known.

Now, very few even knew that it was all a cover and the best way to keep the secret was to keep it intact. The fact it put Tony and Natasha in a situation to confront their feelings and maybe gave Tony a nudge to go after what he wanted. Well, that would be a win, right?

“He seems remarkably good at complicating things for you and your company.”

“His company and Tony is a complicated guy,” she told him and set her wine glass down before picking up the box of orange chicken. He’d already set out chopsticks and she carefully picked out a piece. “It would be easy to blame my workload on dealing with the public relations related to it, but that would hardly be the truth. There really hasn’t been any tangible negative fallout.”

“The response has been largely positive, save for a few of the more vocal fringe pieces,” Marc agreed as he made his own selection.

“Very.” It had worked exactly as she’d hoped it would. The real issue was behind the scenes. Tony hadn’t returned a phone call in days and Friday had said she’d deliver the messages and that was it. She couldn’t even get Natasha on the phone. But if that was the penalty, she’d take it. “There’s been more work with the foundation helping to deal with the aftermath of the storms, and of course, the board meeting. But we’re not talking about me… tell me about this job opportunity.”

Marc was a gifted public relations and marketing expert. But he freelanced and though she’d tried to tempt him with a permanent position at Stark Industries, but he didn’t want to work for her. Date her. Sleep with her. Vacation with her. Hopefully marry her… a question she hadn’t answered yet. But he didn’t want to work for her.

That she could respect.

“Well, not much to tell really. It’s a diversified European corporation, they have interests all over the world and they’re in need of some marketing strategies to enhance their reputation.”

“And you can’t tell me much more because they might be a competitor.”

Chuckling softly, he said, “Unfortunately, that is entirely possible.”

“Well,” Pepper said considering as she picked out a piece of chicken. “I guess we’ll have to talk about things other than business.”

“Quite.” Nodding his head toward her, he said, “I’ll be gone for about a week, less if I can swing it. Next weekend, think you’ll be free enough for me to take you away somewhere?”

The board meeting should be done by then. “I’ll say tentatively yes. Where do you want to take me?”

“I was thinking somewhere warm and tropical. A couple of days of sun and surf… maybe a discussion about certain matters we tabled after Los Angeles.”

The proposal. “You have been very patient with me.”

“I have nothing but patience for you, Pepper. How many times did you tell me no before you let me buy you a cup of coffee?”

Some of her reticence retreated and she chuckled. “This is true. You have been very determined.”

“When you want something—in this case, someone—enough and it’s valuable enough to you, then all things are possible and patience is more than easy to come by. You can tell me no. You can tell me you need more time. Or you can stun me into silence with a yes. That I would treasure—in the meanwhile, I’m not going anywhere.”

She sighed. This… this was why she enjoyed him so much. Why the proposal and her own doubts had her tangled up. “I’m sorry I’m so difficult.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” Turning on the sofa, he faced her. “I’m serious, Pepper. You are what I’m interested in. Being here for you, spending time with you… everything else is just noise.”

How many times had she wanted Tony to say something like that? How long since she’d even given up on that much of a relationship? At the same time, even caring about Marc… it seemed a hollow accomplishment. Here he was offering everything she could want without demands, just a willingness to be there for her in her life.

He was the right guy making the right kind of offer.

So, why didn’t she want it?

When he caught her mouth in a kiss, she leaned into it because it was easier than answering that question right now.

**Maria**

She tipped the beer back and took a long pull. While it was technically her third, the alcohol content in these was a joke. She’d get drunk faster on real water. They served a purpose in the shadowy recesses of this bar. Reports stated he’d been seen here at least twice in the last few weeks. That was more sightings than she had from other intel. So for the last few days, she’d staked out this table in this bar… and waited.

Periodically, she’d let herself get drawn into a game at the billiards table. Once or twice, she’d amused herself with darts. Tonight, she indulged in none of those activities. A man wandered in her direction, a sly smile on his face and a faint hitch to his step.

“Hey baby…”

She flicked her gaze up and met his. “No.”

He opened his mouth again.

“No,” she repeated then took another drink even as she dismissed him.

Expression hardening, he muttered “bitch” but kept on moving. Smart man. The last asshole who thought he didn’t have to take no for an answer was probably nursing a concussion in the toxic hazard they labeled a bathroom. Not that she would know anything about it.

Considering how many days she’d been setting down roots at this table, it might be the intel was too cold to bear fruit. She’d give it another couple of days and then she’d move on.

She had lines running elsewhere. If he really was…

The door opened to let in a waft of cold air to disturb the smoke and bleakness. The man filling the entryway seemed more like a thick shadow until he crossed the threshold and the first of the dingy lights hit him.

Bald.

Thick, flowing red beard.

Tats.

_ I’ll be damned… _

Without staring, she made a visual confirmation. The man in question crossed to the bar, his steps lighter than his bulk suggested. Stripping off his coat, he tossed the heavy item over one stool before he settled on the other.

The positioning couldn’t be anything but a choice. Nearly central, his back to half the room like he didn’t give a damn. The overhead caught the red beard, but also highlighted the Cyrillic scrawled up his neck.

The bartender didn’t even ask him what he wanted before a large bottle of vodka and two glasses were set in front of him. Maria drained her beer and caught the bartender’s eye, she held up one finger and the beer. The man nodded. Another beer was on its way.

Stretching a leg out to rest on the other chair, she drained her expression of anything other than moody distance. Like so many of the bar’s occupants, she avoided giving off even the illusion of a welcoming air.

They could be here a while.

For his part, the target poured his vodka and tossed it back, then sat. He nursed his way through another drink. But the second glass sat there, untouched and no one joined him.

When the bartender dropped a new beer off without her having to order it and swept away the last empty from her order when the target arrived, Maria began to consider this might just be a catch and release. Though it would be nice if she could drop a tag on the man in question.

The door to the street opened again. But the figure who entered earned a half-shouted greeting from the drunks staking out the other side of the room. Maria lifted her bottle after she cataloged and dismissed the new arrival. Then flicked a look to the man at the bar…

Who was gone.

Son of a…

Only experience kept her from reacting overtly. Still, someone of his size didn’t just stealth off easily and the distraction hadn’t been long or intense.

The coat remained on the other stool.

Cool air drifted from behind her and she stretched. There was an exit to the street. If he moved fast enough, the passing could have been masked by the new arrival.

She looked at the coat again.

Rising, she dropped a few bills on the table and dragged on her own coat. Slow and steady. She waved to the bartender, then sauntered to the door. Bumping the wall, she yanked the fire alarm as if she’d gripped it to steady herself before she stumbled out the door.

The klaxon was loud, obnoxious and brutal.

Across the street, she gripped a light post and leaned over, one hand on her side like she planned to puke.

The patrons flooded out, including an irked bartender who spotted her and started shouting.

Based on her head count, everyone was out.

Which was good.

Because the explosion ripping the bar apart, knocked her and everyone else on their ass.

She’d been made.

~~~

_ Elsewhere… _

__

“You missed.”

“No,” came the amused answer. “I’m learning.”

“What do you need to learn?”

“Trade secret. I’ll keep you informed.”

“What about Romanoff? Stark? The others?”

“No sightings yet. Be patient. I know the routes Rogers likes to run when he’s in the city. We’ll know as soon as they are back…”

“We better. I’m paying you a lot of money.”

Another laugh. “We both know you’re not paying me near enough. But I’m not doing this for the money.”

“No,” came the thoughtful response. “You just like to have a bit of fun.”

“True… I very much do.”

The contact hung up on him and he glared at the phone before wiping away the emotional reaction. They had time. Until the Starks were back nothing moved forward.

He checked the time then sent a message to the next on his list. When they called, he answered with, “Tell me you have a name.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long absence guys! Was not expecting to be gone quite that long. Took a bit to kick the cold and then had to try and make up on daytime deadlines. But I'm back. A few shorter chapters at first, then diving in whole hog to the next part of our tale!


	25. Don't Threaten Me with a Good Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at the Tower and back to work...

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

_ Don’t Threaten Me with a Good Time _

**Natalia/Natasha**

“Good morning, Nat,” Friday said as the elevator doors closed.

“Good morning,” she murmured. “My floor please.”

They’d arrived back late the day before after having lingered at the cliff house for a few hours longer. Some items she’d wanted to bring back, others, they’d elected to leave there.

The painting of James stayed though she was tempted to bring it. Liho had made herself at home in the penthouse and rather than steal her away from Tony, Natalia had left her where she sprawled on the sofa.

The Christmas tree was gone from his living room. Even stranger, the one on Steve’s floor was also gone. The ornaments had been packed carefully, Friday promised. While it had been cleaned some, there were things still sitting out from the day they left to go to the cabin.

It was almost a time capsule. A shirt left over the back of a chair, a pair of shoes she’d decided against taking and the book she’d been reading, a bookmark tucked into place.

Everywhere the framed photographs reminded her of the life they’d already begun to build there, the memories Steve had been determined to save for her and it was both like coming home and returning to some half-formed dream.

Part of that was herself.

The doors opened to her floor and she strode out and headed for her studio but diverted to her bedroom at the last moment. Not that she’d slept here much at all since the one fight with James and Steve.

Even then, she’d only napped on her shredded bed. That had long-since been removed and a new bed replaced it. Setting her ballet slippers down on the end of the bed, she headed into the closet. Foot braced on a box, she gripped a railing and then swung herself up to brace against a shelf before popping open the vent.

Inside, she hoisted herself.

“Nat?” Friday inquired.

“No worries, Friday, just grabbing something. I’m fine.”

“If you say so.” The skepticism rifling the A.I.’s tone amused her.

“Friday, have you noticed that I don’t exclude you all the time now?”

Silence greeted the question as Natalia slid into the vent then followed Clint’s directions to where he’d secreted the files she’d left for him. The thick folder manila folder, weathered from time had an almost cloth like feel beneath her fingertips.

“I had,” Friday said slowly. “You typically kept to privacy mode.”

“But I don’t as often.” The faint ding of the elevator reached her even in the vent.

“No.” Then… “Am I irritating you?”

Easing back, Natalia laughed. “No, Friday. You are not irritating me. I actually enjoy our conversations. I have for a while. You’re learning and one of the ways you demonstrate that is with non-verbal cues—like the tone you are taking. It’s impressive to witness.” She slid out of the vent file in hand. The scent of coffee perfumed the air. As she landed on the floor, she continued, “Good morning, Tony.”

“Damn, Red,” Tony let out a breath. “I’m not even going to ask how you did that.”

“Your coffee gave you away.” She winked before setting the file down, then climbing back up to put the vent cover back in place. For the most part, Tony just watched her, his bemused expression indulgent.

“Friday said you were headed here to dance…” He almost looked sheepish.

Chuckling, she reclaimed the file and leaned up to brush a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Though she expected it, she still laughed when he turned his head to capture her lips for a real kiss. The slow massage of his lips against hers, the tease of his tongue and the hint of coffee.

“Hmm…” She pulled away and nodded to his coffee. “Do you mind?”

“I probably should have brought you a cup,” he murmured, passing her the mug. She took only a small drink.

“But you thought I would be dancing.” She let out a little sigh. “You broke out the Brazilian.” It was what she’d tasted on him.

“Full pot in the penthouse,” he teased. “If you’re not going to dance…”

“I am, I mean—I need to and I need to stretch, then I need about an hour in the gym and an hour on the shooting range. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.”

“You should…”

One narrow-eyed look as she took one more sip of his coffee before she handed it back and he swallowed the rest of that sentence.

“I have to train, Tony.”

“I know.”

“If I don’t train…”

“Red, I know. I just want you to take it easy. It’s still been a lot.”

“Well, there will probably be setbacks. The sooner I get started.” With that, she carried the folder over and sat on the bed.

“Okay, so what does  _ that _ have to do with training?”

“This is insurance. It’s… what I’ve collected over the years, particularly in the 90s and early 2000s.” Patting the top of the file, she focused on him. “This is… probably something it would be better to have plausible deniability for.”

“I don’t need plausible deniability,” he said firmly. “Tell me what you need me to know.”

“Not sure yet. I want to review some of this, but… I’ve been thinking. Friday?”

“Yes, Nat?”

“Has Bruce answered that email yet?”

“No,” Friday said. “He has opened it, but he hasn’t responded.”

Then it was Richardson.

“Care to read me in?” Tony bumped her shoulder.

“I sent him a picture of one of the people he said identified himself as Ivan, a friend of the man he called ‘Lev’ and who I’m pretty sure set him up with his triggers to control Bruce. If I’m right, it was Richardson.”

Tony’s expression flattened. “As in the same dick who…”

“Yep.” She rubbed his thigh gently. “Drink your coffee.”

“Baby Girl, get Brucie on the line if you can.”

“Tony…”

“Hey, I’m just calling as a friend.” He gave her a half-smile. “And you’re right. As much as I want to keep up vacation, this takes a priority.”

“Boss,” Friday said. “Dr. Banner is not taking calls at the moment. He’s meditating.”

With a roll of his eyes, Tony blew out a breath. “Keep trying.”

“Will do.”

“C’mon,” Natalia rose and tucked the folder under her arm. Crossing to the safe she never bothered to use, she flipped back the control panel, then pressed her thumb to it. It went green and opened. After tucking the information inside, she glanced back at him.

“Where are we going?” The tense worried frown pulling at his brows where he’d been almost sleepily relaxed earlier jabbed at her. They were back. There were things to do. But they needed to take care of each other, too.

“To the gym.”

“No dancing?” It came out almost a pout.

“I thought we’d work out, then grapple. You like trying to grab my ass.”

He smirked. “Not the kind of grabbing I had in mind.”

“Yeah well, luckily for you, I’m not in top shape.” One hand on her hip, she eyed him. “So you might even get away with blowing off training the last few weeks.”

Groaning, he stood up. “Why do I not believe you?”

Striding ahead of him, she laughed. “Because you’re a smart guy, Tony.”

~~~

An hour later, he glared at her from across the mat. They were both sweating and she’d put him on his ass enough he’d actually began to fight back. Her arms ached from the workout she’d put them through  _ before _ they started sparring.

“Come on,” she said, curling her fingers. “Come at me. We’re going to perfect that close-hold. You damn near had me.”

He snorted. “Red, don’t pamper my ego.”

“I’m not,” she promised. “Your ego doesn’t need any stroking from me.”

The smart-ass response seemed to hang in the air around him, but he compressed his lips. Amusement curled through her as he straightened. While he went for seeming irritation and turned away, his weight stayed on his front leg.

Trembling muscles reminded her that even if she wasn’t winded, she wasn’t up to full speed either. Part of why she’d exhausted herself on muscle training before they’d started sparring. The deadlifts and hard pushes demanded more, fatigue was her greatest enemy in combat.

When Tony lunged, she rolled with him, curling her feet between them until she planted one against his hip. Even as she gripped his damp t-shirt and flipped him, he got a hand of her tank and yanked her. They rolled and she wasn’t going for speed so much as just breaking his grip and shifting their balance.

What she appreciated most was Tony actively trying to pin her. The gloves were off. Time to push both of them. She eeled out of the hold and flipped him again. He hooked her foot with his as she lunged upward and she tumbled over him rather than let him yank her foot out. Scrambling to his feet, he swung, twisting at the waist to grab for her shoulder.

She let him pull her backward and then dropped, folding over his arm and rolling forward. It yanked him over with her and he landed on his back as she flipped to land with one knee on his right shoulder.

“Damn,” he said with a huff of laughter before wrenching his legs up to hook around her waist and tumbling her back even as she pulled, blocking him and while he might have her, she had him. “Stalemate?”

Slow applause echoed around them and he cut his head up.

“This is exactly what it looks like,” he said to James and Steve, but Natalia didn’t loosen her grip nor her vigilance.

“Not a stalemate,” she warned him. “You can get out of this two ways. If you can tell me, I’ll let you have the match.”

“Let me?” He raised his brows. Even if his breath came in pants, he wasn’t as winded as he’d been when they first started this. Maybe he hadn’t been training as much the last few weeks, but he’d stayed on some of it.

The flexibility was a testament to that. No way he could have gotten his legs around her before.

“Come on,” she told him with a little tug against his shoulder that applied pressure to the arm she had locked. “Two ways. What are they?”

Eyes narrowing, Tony studied her. “I could slam my forehead into your nose.”

“Nope,” she said. “Go ahead and try.”

“Red…”

“Try and I’ll show you, you’re not going to hurt me.”

With a roll of his eyes, he snapped his head forward and she shifted the pressure, he never reached her but he winced.

“Okay, fuck, got it.”

Easing up on it, she said. “You have at least one hand you can move.”

“And one leg,” he pointed out, then twisted the pressure created a vise.

“Very good.”

“Not that I want to squeeze the air out of you.”

“But you can, because if I won’t let you go, you can lock me here until I pass out because at some point, even I need to breathe.”

A curt nod. Irritation flared in his eyes. He did not like even the semblance of hurting her. He relaxed the vise almost as soon as he applied it.

“Free hand. Jab for your eyes, but actually target your throat.”

Natalia grinned and released her grip on him to reach over and tap the mat twice. “You win.”

“I am never actually going to do that to you,” he said with narrowed eyes. “Even if we’re just training and if you say you’ll  _ heal _ , I might actually find a way to infect your laptop with a worm to rewrite everything you enter into Ancient Egyptian.”

Natalia burst out laughing as he disentangled himself. “I didn’t expect you to hit me. But you do have to know that you can do it and how to get free.”

Flopping back on the floor, she caught James’ faint smirk as he shook his head. “There was a third way, Natalia and you only asked for two.”

“You really only need one,” she challenged. “But come here and put your money where your mouth is and give me a fight.”

“Yes,” Tony said as he rose. “Come, give her a fight. I’m going to go soak myself down in liniment and pain killers.” Despite the complaint, he was grinning.

James toed off his shoes before he paced forward. “You really ready for this?”

With a little effort, she flipped back to her feet and pivoted to face them. Steve wore an assessing look but neither of them were telling her no automatically. So much improvement. “Probably not,” she said, enjoying the flicker of surprise on both of their faces even if the approval in Steve’s smile made her grin. “But I need to know how much I’ve lost and I can go faster with you and Steve.”

“Ouch, Red,” Tony said. “Wound a guy after you kick his ass.”

“You won that bout, stop complaining.”

He mimed her words back at her, then twisted open his thermos of water and took a long drink.

The grin pulling at her mouth made her cheeks ache. It was both nice and kind of surreal to be back at the Tower. Natalia had never lived here, not the way Natasha had. This whole place had been Natasha’s home in the same way Natalia had valued the cabin. The sense of belonging remained though, but the cliff house had also become a home.

It wasn’t the place, even if the places evoked the feeling.

Neither James nor Steve looked very sweaty from their run.

“Light sparring,” James conceded. “Open handed, no organ strikes more than once, no head strikes. Those have to be taps only.”

“To twenty?” That was what they sparred to before.

He frowned. “Ten. Then if you’re still feeling up for it, to twenty.”

“Or ten with Buck, then ten with me, Angel.” Steve folded his arms. “You know, if you think you can handle it.”

“It’s really cute that you think you can provoke me into a fight, soltnce moya, if you want to get your hands on me, you just have to ask.”

Tony barked a laugh and threw a towel around his neck as he shifted to a different mat and stretched. Pleasure suffused her at the fact he took the time. If nothing else, the threats that got her to train him seemed to have had a positive effect on his overall health. She wanted to keep him as fit as possible, it was better for his heart and her peace of mind.

Chuckling, Steve said, “Then let’s make it interesting. You beat Buck and I’ll let you pick the sparring with me.”

“Oh…” She slid a look at James. “He just wants to see me kick your ass.”

With a grin, James raised his brows. “So do I. To ten?”

She nodded once. “To ten.”

The word had barely left her lips when James lunged for her and she retreated. Surprise flickered across his face. But then, being predictable was one way to get yourself killed. The retreat threw him enough that when she feinted, he actually went for it and she managed to land a light tap to the back of his head just before she slammed her foot against his ass and propelled him forward and her back.

“Holy shit,” Tony exhaled from somewhere behind her as she pivoted. James was right there, she got her arm up to block. She ducked the closing of his grip and slid between his legs, but he scissored them, falling to the side and she shouldn’t have laughed, but it was funny as hell even when he scored two resounding slaps to her ass.

After that, she poured in the speed. Her lungs burned as she twisted, climbed, and locked her legs around his left arm. The strikes stung, but at the same time exhilaration burned in her veins.

They landed the tenth slaps just a millisecond apart. Steve called it and she flopped on her back next to James who shook his head. “What did you do wrong?”

“Sparred with you,” she teased. “But now I know my left is definitely weaker.” She’d pulled something trying to lock his arm and it burned all the way down to her hip.

“Kotyonok, you handled the sparring fine. You just went for speed there at the end, no finesse.”

“Fair.”

Steve eyed her. “You sure you want to go another round.”

“Yep. Stamina. Dancing is helping, but this is just another way to do it.”

Tony shook his head, but he tossed her a towel as James pulled her to her feet. “You should hydrate.”

“I planned on it.”

Even stretching, the pull on the left continued to ache. James caught her motion and frowned, but she met his stare blandly. Training meant pushing past aches and pains. They didn’t get timeouts in combat and she had a lot of ground to reclaim.

After water and wiping her face, she faced Steve and he gave her a stern look. “To ten and we’re keeping it light.”

Where James always came for her first, Steve often had to be lured into the fight. That was not the case this time. He came right for her and she did a twist block and still ate a point when he landed the light slap on her hip. He refused to stay close, employing more hit and run, but she wouldn’t chase which forced him to come back to her again and again.

By the time he hit ten and won, she chuckled and doubled over because of the stitch in her side.

“And now we’re done,” James said firmly.

“I’ll rest, then going for a run on the treadmill.”

His glare scorched her but she didn’t flinch. “Later.”

“Maybe.” Straightening, she used a towel to wipe at her face. “How was your run?”

“It was fine,” Steve told her. “You really should rest and at least eat something before you run. You’re favoring your left pretty hard now.”

“I pulled something,” she admitted and Tony let out an aggrieved sigh.

“Showers, then food and visiting hours with my cat are now open.”

The fact he went for defusing made her laugh. “We still have to discuss what’s happening next.”

“Yeah,” Steve said. “I might be heading in to meet with the Committee today.”

She frowned.

“Come on,” he held out a hand to her. “I’ll brief you while we shower. Penthouse or my floor for breakfast?”

“I got it,” Tony called. “Convene in the penthouse. Friday’s already got the food ordered and will have it brought up.”

~~~

“Ten ships altogether?” Natalia asked as she reviewed the information on the Starkpad.

“So far. “ Steve spread jam onto one of the slices of toast. “Three in the last twenty-four hours and there’s no evidence of what is causing this or traces to track. Vision’s there now, he’s running scans of his own, but the majority of the investigation is resting with the individual countries. Thailand brought us in for that visit and let us get a look. Singapore and the Philippines aren’t on board with that, yet.”

“We’ve got contacts,” Tony said as he refilled his coffee cup. “I’ll see if I can get them to make a request.”

“We need to figure something out,” Steve said with a sigh. “Because until they bring us in, we’re walking a thin line and they want us to figure it out, they need to let us figure it out without the hamstrings of the Accords.”

“Agreed, but we’re still playing push-pull on that,” Tony stated. “If the three countries affected make the request… then we’re in business. Course, we’re also going to be in Asia.” He flicked a look at her.

“Yeah,” Steve said glancing at her, as well. As much as he didn’t want to go, it was where he felt needed. That this remained an open issue weighed on him.

“Dahj Lim.”

James glanced at her.

“He’s the undersecretary to the Prime Minister of Singapore,” Tony said.

Natalia nodded once. “Friday.”

“Yes, Nat?”

“Would you put a call into Undersecretary Lim in Singapore and tell him that Natasha Romanoff sends her best?”

“Just that message, Nat?”

“Just that message.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

Tony eyed her. “You’re doing spy whammy.”

“Not really,” Natalia murmured as she leaned back. “It’s more like reminding him that he owes me more than one.”

Steve chuckled. “You think that will…”

“Captain Rogers,” Friday stated. “Undersecretary Lim has requested that the Avengers attend the Committee meeting with regard to the missing vessels. The delegates from Thailand and the Philippines concurred.”

“What time?” Steve asked.

“They will be convening in two hours.”

“Thank you.” Steve locked gazes with her. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Of course I did. Not a fan of having to stay here, but I can still support the team.” Whether it meant pushing doors in or picking the locks, she could handle it.

James brushed his foot against hers. “You’ll stay in the Tower while we’re gone?”

“Maybe,” she told him. “I need to see Isaiah and I plan to go see May.”

And a few other things.

Tony made a face then rose. “Well if you plan on going out…” He crossed over to the bar, returning with a jewelry box. “You’re going to need these.” Flipping the box open, he turned it to face her.

A pair of rings sat nestled in the box.

Both looked like titanium bands, one sported a single emerald and the other was a standard wedding band.

“I was going to give them to you later,” he said. “I’m sorry if it’s too much, I’m figuring this isn’t a priority but we want the marriage to remain intact for the time being.”

Natalia took the box and studied the bands. An image of the ring she’d secured back at the cliff house flashed through her mind. That had been gold and gleaming. This was silvery titanium and shiny. Very different rings.

Very different reasons for marriage.

The silence around her grew heavier. The rings served a purpose and they couldn’t hurt. They wouldn’t replace the one she already wore since it would be more standard in the U.S. to wear them on her left hand.

Removing them, she paused at the hint of writing inside the wedding band. Turning it, she read the line and all of the weight evaporated as laughter burst out of her.

Tony grinned. At Steve and James’ questioning looks, she read, “Still not a pony.”

The corners of Steve’s mouth began to twitch and James shook his head. Locking gazes with him, she asked with a rise of her eyebrows. He nodded once. They were all adapting.

“What does yours say?” Natalia asked as she glanced at Tony.

He shoved a hand in his pocket and came out with the ring, then offered it to her.

She read the inscription and snorted. “Seriously?”

“I liked it.”

Amusement curled through her as she said, “Spy whammied.”

Steve chuckled. “That fits. Though I’m surprised yours doesn’t say sorry, still not a pony.”

“I thought about that,” Tony admitted. “Also thought about going with the property of, but figure Red wouldn’t like it.”

“No,” she admitted. “This is better. Closer to where we started.”

Relief settled across his face as he exhaled. “I don’t suppose you’ll let me send you with a car, a driver, and a bodyguard?”

Natalia snorted. “Not a chance.” She slid his ring into place.

“Not even if it’s Happy?” He dangled that out there with an element of hope.

“I’ll be fine, moy umnyy. I’m not planning any raids yet.” She set her rings in his palm and held out her hand. After he tucked them both into place, he sighed.

“Why not the self-driving car?” James suggested.

“Don’t you start,” she admonished him. “You three need to focus on the mission.”

“To be fair, Angel, we’re allowed to be worried.”

“I’ll call Peter to come and hang out later, will that help you three settle down?”

“And I will have Nat’s back,” Friday informed them. “She has the bracelets and we can handle it.”

“Fine,” Tony said, then pressed a kiss to her hand. “One piece.”

“Right back atcha,” she reminded him. The weight of the rings on her hand settled over her. “Let’s discuss how you’re planning to do this and what resources you want to have at hand. Because I have a feeling, you’re going to need to be on or near one of those ships.”

And she wasn’t fond of that idea at all.

Fingers still loosely twined with Tony’s, she rested her free hand on Steve’s thigh while bracing her bare foot against James’. They all had things to do and the real world wasn’t waiting for them anymore.

~~~

After Tony and Steve left for the U.N., James cornered her in their room. “What are you planning?”

“Nothing immediately.”

“Natalia.”

She met his stare. “I have things I have to take care of James. First on that list is a discussion with Isaiah. Second, I want to go and see May.” James said she was well and so had Peter, Natalia would rather know.

“And then after?” The patience in his tone promised he understood and wouldn’t be dissuaded.

“After, I’m going hunting. Quietly.”

He exhaled. “Surveillance only.”

“If that is what it requires.” But her targets were hers. “James, the Avengers are needed for this mission. I need to train. I’m not quite ready to tackle an assassination at the moment.”

That didn’t satisfy him. “Natalia, you are far from helpless.” When she smiled, he let out an exasperated sigh. “That does not mean I won’t worry. You promised we would do it together.”

“We will,” she said. “But we need intel and there are things I can do and places I can go quietly that the rest of you can’t. I’m not planning to take dangerous risks—yet.” That didn’t make him any happier, but she couldn’t change this. “I won’t hide in the Tower, but I don’t plan on picking a fight yet.”

“If you get into trouble?”

“I have Friday. I have my own wits… and I know I’d have you if I needed you.”

His expression tightened. Rising, she closed the distance between them.

“James, I won’t be foolish. But you have to trust me to do this. I’m trusting the three of you to go. One of you likes jumping out of planes without a parachute. The other gives out his address on national television so terrorists can find him. You?” She stroked his cheeks gently, aware of the smile he fought to contain. “I seem to recall you walking through heavy fire and dozens of men to achieve a goal. So I am not the only one who takes risks. I’m trusting you to come back to me.”

“If I don’t?” He mused. “You’ll come and get me.”

“Oh yes,” she said, then looped her arms around his neck. “And I’ll be very cross with you.”

“I will be more than cross,” he warned.

Nipping his lower lip, she murmured, “We have at least an hour before they get back. Do you want to keep scolding me or would you like to do something more interesting for my sore and aching body?”

He chuckled. “Distracting me will not work.”

“No, but it will be fun.” She grinned as he swooped in and kissed her.

It would be a lot of fun.

“We will resume our discussion after,” he informed her as he dropped her on the bed.

“Da, zvezda moya.”

He was still laughing when he followed after her.

~~~

“Strange is sending us through with the quinjet,” Steve told her. “He’s on his way.” She checked the buckles on his jacket and nodded. “I wish like hell you were going.”

She smoothed her hand against his back. “Already missing me?”

“Yes.”

When he faced her and wrapped an arm around her waist, she leaned into him. “I’m missing all of you, too. I’ll tell you what I told James. I want you back in one piece.”

“I want you in one piece, too.” He pressed his forehead to hers. “When we’re ready to move, can you be on comms?”

The corners of her lips curved. “That’s almost sneaky, solntce moya.”

“Almost?” The absolute innocence in his eyes charmed her. “I thought it was exceptionally clever. I really do want you there, but comms will have to do. Tony’s helmet can transmit the signal, you can see what we’re seeing and you might see something we don’t.” With care, he tucked her hair behind her ear. “You always do.”

It would also keep her tethered to the Tower. “Then I’ll be on comms.” It wasn’t even a question.

“Thank you,” he whispered before kissing her slowly. Fingers linked with hers, he traced his thumb over the new pair of rings on her finger. “I’ll bring you back a pony something.”

Natalia laughed against his lips and he grinned before brushing his nose to hers.

“You’ll have Tony complaining about stealing his thunder.”

“Then he should up his game,” Steve whispered before he kissed her again and she sighed against his mouth. Missing them was already an ache.

She needed to up her training.

“Take care of each other?” she asked.

“I’ll make sure they come home,” he promised. “You make sure you’re here.”

“Deal.”

~~~

Strange stood on the deck with Wanda, Sam, Rhodey, and James. Steve was already heading out there when Tony glanced at her. “You good?”

“Always,” she told him. “And Steve already asked me to be on comms, so you don’t have to kick off whatever plot you had with Friday to protect me when I ran amuck in the city.”

Snorting, he settled the arc reactor against his chest. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Of course not.”

The others were about to board the quinjet, but Tony was flying alongside, not in. Touching two fingers to her chin, he nudged her face up. “When you go—you have the use of any vehicle. I set up a go bag for you with updated weapons. They’re in my private lab, you have access. I’d recommend one of the SUVs, they are more heavily armored and I may have added some new toys to them. The bracelets will also let you bypass most biometric scanners if you give Friday a minute.”

Affection flooded her.

“I put together a StarkPad with all the data I could find on Richardson, Fury, and a few other targets I figure are already on your list. I know you’ll want to do your own dive. Friday’s been running facial rec to find them, she’ll notify you if she gets a hit. I’m only asking one thing…”

“I’ll tell you all before I go and if I can, I’ll wait.”

Tony nodded once. He got it. He understood.

So did James and Steve, but they all wanted to protect her. Some things though, she had to do them herself.

“How much plausible deniability do you want?”

“I told you, none,” he said flatly. “They can’t compel me to testify against you anyway.”

She chuckled. “Then when I deep dive the CIA?”

“Friday and I will have your back.” He dropped a kiss against the corner of her mouth, then wrapped her into a hug. “I’ll look after them, Red.”

“Don’t do anything stupid,” she reminded him and he laughed.

“Red, it’s me.”

“Address. Malibu house?”

“You do that once and suddenly every decision is in question.” But he grinned. “How about I let Steve make all the big boy decisions and I just blow shit up.”

Natalia laughed. “Good luck with that.”

After another squeeze, she brushed a light kiss to his lips and then he was walking backwards. “You never know…” Arms spread he grinned. “It could happen.”

Then he tapped the arc reactor and the armor spread over him. As soon as he was outside, Strange opened a portal against the side of the building. It would mask it from most casual onlookers. Then Strange strode up onto the quinjet.

Seconds later, the jet and Tony vanished through the portal and the portal closed.

“You have me on comms, Friday?”

“We’re on comms, Nat.”

She nodded. Liho hopped up onto the back of the sofa and stared at her, tail thrashing. 

“Then let’s get to work.”


	26. The Boys Are Back in Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team runs their search grid while Natalia touches base with some familiar faces.

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

_ The Boys Are Back in Town _

**Steve**

“Hey Cap,” Clint said by way of greeting when he called. “Tell me you’re not pulling me back yet.”

“No,” Steve said with a chuckle. He was parked near the rear of the quinjet, his eyes focused on the screen of their scans. Buck piloted currently, running a pattern with Vision and Tony. Sharon had taken the co-pilot’s chair after Sam surrendered it, creating a tacit peace aboard from his sniping with Buck. Strange stood with them, his attention focused on what they could see physically. Wanda perched in one of the jump seats, her attention beyond the vessel searching as well.

In two hours of flying, they’d learned almost nothing.

“Just checking in,” Steve told him. “We’re running a search op in the South China Sea.”

“Missing vessels?” Clint asked. Of course, he knew. Friday or Nat could have looped him in or maybe he just kept his finger on the pulse of it.

“Yeah, so you’re good for now, just be ready to move if we have to call for it.”

“Nat’s not with you, right?”

“No,” Steve answered. “She’s sitting it out until she feels up to speed.” He’d chosen his words carefully on this one. Since they departed, he’d weighed calling Clint versus not. Bucky hated leaving her and so did Steve, but she’d promised to be on comms and had so far checked in with them easily each time he called.

But comms didn’t mean she’d stay in the Tower and he couldn’t demand that of her no matter how much he wanted it.

“Ask, man,” Clint prompted him in a quiet, yet sober voice.

“You were there?” He cut a look to where Strange stood. So far none of them had asked the doctor about the time Natasha spent at the sanctum. Though Steve swore Bucky’s arm clicked a little each time he looked at the man.

“For two days,” Clint admitted. “It was good. She was good by the end. Still a few seconds of delay between the last trigger word and her being able to shake it off, but no commands were actually getting through. At worst, it locks her up. Better than taking her over.”

While he clearly didn’t care for the fact it caused her issues at all, he didn’t sound worried. Clint played a lot of things close to the vest. But if he were worried, he’d warn them.

Of that much, Steve was certain.

“She told us that,” Steve said quietly. “I just…”

“Hate the fact she parked herself somewhere for days and didn’t reach out to anyone to join her?” Knowing resonated in the question.

“You don’t need me to answer that.”

“No,” Clint said with a chuckle. “I don’t. Cause it pissed me off, too. But that’s Nat. Something needs to be done, she does it. She always has, Steve.” A sigh carried over the line. “When Strange came to get me, I was pretty ticked off. He told me she’d been struggling and while she’d attempted to let them help her, it wasn’t working. He thought since I’d been present…”

“And you were her medical proxy.”

“Probably that, too. The point is… I was angry. Then I saw her. She’s always been a fighter. A few months ago, I got into it with her over chasing those memories, over breaking down all those walls.”

Steve said nothing, just listened.

“I let my fear get the best of me. That was on me. I worried she wouldn’t be Nat anymore.”

“She’s still Nat,” he told him quietly. “But I can’t blame you for that fear.” Not when it had occurred to him, too.

“Yes, she is. But she’s more, too. Look, Nat’s always going to chase what she thinks is right. She’s always going to tackle the difficult mission and chances are, being who she is, she’ll be right about eighty-five percent of the time.”

It was the other fifteen percent they needed to be on their guard for. While Clint didn’t say it, Steve got the message. “I called you to say thank you,” Steve said into the silence. “And to let you know we were on the move.”

“I check on her every day, Cap. Not planning to change that now.” The dry remark made him smile. “If you think it’s gonna be longer than a day or two, I’ll head back.”

“She wants you with your family.”

“She is my family.”

“Fair enough. Thank you.”

“No problem, how are you holding up?”

“Better than expected,” Steve told him and then cut a look toward the front of the quinjet.

“Keep it up, Sam,” Bucky said idly. “I’ll even give you a minute to throw on those wings before I throw you out.”

“See, this is what I’m saying,” Sam countered. “You gotta work on your communication skills. You’re telling me to keep it up with a threat. That’s called mixed messaging.”

Strange caught Steve’s eye then rolled his own and Steve grinned.

“Definitely better than expected. How are things there?”

“I can’t complain,” Clint assured him. “Hoping to bring Laura and the kids back in a few days to go show her the new place, then when she signs off on it, I’ll get the changes rolling.”

“Let me know if I can help,” Steve told him. “Been a while since I had a project.”

“Yeah, I hear you paint.” The smirk in his voice just made Steve chuckle. “And on that note, I’ll call Nat and bug her. Stay safe.”

“You, too.”

The call ended and Steve lowered the phone, then touched his comms. “Tony, are you getting anything out there?”

“Birds,” Tony said dryly. “Water. Pretty sure I saw a fishing trawler right out of the 19 th century.”

“Another hour, we’ll have completed this grid. Then I want to try something else…”

“Good thought. How do you feel about calling out these assholes via live video stream?”

“Like Nat will kill us all.”

“Yeah,” Tony sounded almost glum. “That’s what I thought, too.”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“Glad you have confidence.”

“I have a genius on my side, what can go wrong?”

Tony’s laughter made him grin.

**Natalia/Natasha**

The door opened and Isaiah released a long-suffering sigh. “I thought I asked you to not just let yourself in.”

“And I thought I asked you to manage my finances and contracts, not my personal life,” Natalia retaliated from where she sat at his desk, her feet up on the wood. She’d slipped out of the Tower innocuously enough. Friday had security clearing tourists from the front entranceway and that lured most of the press while Natalia exited the parking garage along with a half-dozen other SUVs.

The shell game was fun.

Friday directed the other drivers to locations all over the city while Natalia headed out to Long Island where Isaiah had currently set up shop.

“Tell me how you really feel, Mrs. Stark.” Very few people would take that verbal jab at her. Not that his tone shifted from dry sarcasm at all. “Because I feel fantastic. I can actually say I’m on retainer for the Starks and Stark Industries. A client I can brag about.”

After setting his briefcase down, he took the other chair opposite his desk and studied her.

“Yes, because advertising is where you get all your clients.”

“It could be, if I wanted to advertise,” he countered. “There’s a certain power in names. Not that I was ever rushing to tell anyone Natasha Romanoff was my biggest client.”

“I was your only client.”

“This was true. Now I have at least two more.” The corner of his mouth kicked up. “Not counting former family members and the occasional if numerous pro bonos I pick up because a bleeding heart I know funds me quite well.”

“You really think you’re funny,” Natalia said without a hint of a smile.

Sighing, Isaiah leaned back in the chair and spread his hands. “All right, how pissed at me are you?”

“Why?”

“Because Ms. Potts’ logic was sound. From a purely public relations aspect, it would take several of the targets off your back, particularly with the feds. We can do a lot Natasha, you and I? We’ve done a lot, but that hammer could drop at any moment and with you pulling back on the work you’ll take, we need to shield your assets from all takers.”

Natalia ran her finger over the rings on her left hand, but since her hand was lower, he couldn’t see it. “That’s not good enough, Isaiah.”

“You like the guy, what’s more, he’s one of four men I know you trust. You’ve protected him plenty of times, I thought it only fair he protect you.” That logic made more rational sense.

“You know Tony doesn’t know anything about those contracts.” And never would. She’d quietly taken every single one directed at him, then taken out the buyers. It was why she’d had Isaiah drop feelers for another when the threats against Tony ramped up.

“Well he’s safe as aces with the Assassin’s Guild at least.” Isaiah shot her a grin. “No one is touching your spouse, that means he’s off-limits for a contract. Courtesy of doing business.”

They didn’t touch family. “But that’s only the guild. There are plenty of freelancers.”

“And more with the guild who would like to curry favor with you. It’s a win-win, Natasha.” Then his expression sobered. “That said, we can get it taken apart in a matter of days. But it may earn far more scrutiny than you’re prepared for at the moment.”

“Leave it alone,” Natalia said. “If and when Tony and I decide to dissolve it, we’ll take care of it.”

“So I’m forgiven?” He gave her the barest of hopeful smiles.

“Don’t press your luck.”

He sighed. “Well would you like to see your portfolio? You received a very generous gift from your hubby.”

Of course she had. “From him or from your negotiations with Pepper? Be aware, if anything sounds like you traded yokes of oxen, it will not end well for you.”

His expression grew comical as he performed contortions to hold back his laughter. A battle he lost as he pressed his hand against his mouth and shook his head. “Now I kind of wish I had, just for the comedy.” Still chuckling, he sat forward. “And while the prenuptial agreement I negotiated did include Stark stock since you do like to invest in it, the gift itself came from Mr. Stark. He called me.”

Of course he did.

“What was the gift?” She raised her brows.

“He set up a trust for me to control to pay to the trusts you set up. Regular infusions.”

Natalia frowned.

“He said it was specifically geared to pay when you were pushing your margins. Never more than what you originally earmarked and to be distributed with discretion to everyone you already had on your list and to anyone you decide to add. The fund will be replenished as needed.” Isaiah looked very pleased with himself. “When and if we reach a saturation point, all remaining funds are to be divided amongst your heirs beginning with Peter Parker, then the Barton children.”

Not entirely certain if she was angry or impressed, maybe both, Natalia turned the information over. Tony had essentially created a safety net for her web without taking it over.

“For what’s worth, he didn’t ask for names or amounts or anything else. It was all handled through his private accounts, directly unrelated to Stark Industries and he was explicit that the only other person I could tell was  _ you _ .”

It was exactly what it sounded like, trust. Definitely not a pony.

“Tell me we’re keeping it?” It wasn’t like Isaiah to plead. Yes, he liked money. But he’d never really been greedy. When she flicked a look at him, he spread his hands. “I just like the idea that we really can say no to some jobs and you can focus on the ones you  _ want  _ to do and the people you  _ want _ to save.”

“We’re keeping it,” she said. Then pulled her feet off his desk and sat up. “Now brief me on everything we had running, from searches to new servers. Then give me access. I want to make sure you have cast-iron firewalls.”

“Cast-iron?” He chuckled, but at her bland look let the laughter fade. “You know, Natasha, married life should soften you up at least a little. If you need me to send the guy some…you know what, I’ll keep the rest of that thought to myself.” Rising, he motioned to the chair he had just occupied. “If you wouldn’t mind trading seats with me, we’ll get to work.”

“Much better.”

As he circled the desk, she met him halfway and stopped him with a hand on his arm. Leaning up, she pressed a kiss to his cheek and Isaiah froze. “You know when I said married life should have softened you up? I take it back. That’s even more terrifying than the death stare.”

Natalia chuckled and squeezed his arm. “Sit down and get to work. I have somewhere I need to be in a little while.”

“Team status is normal, Nat,” Friday said via her comm. “They have had no luck yet.”

With a nod, she answered Friday with a quick tapped message on one of her bracelets. Business first.

**Bucky**

He slowed the quinjet to hover and let Tony and Vision catch up to them. Sharon dragged her headset off and rose. “This is frustrating as hell.”

Not that he disagreed, but Bucky didn’t say anything so much as switch the monitoring screen to earlier reports, then began to page through them. On previous scans, including those done by Vision over the last few days, the phenomenon had yet to be recorded by any instrumentation. Even satellite images of the areas before and after the ship disappearances didn’t notice anything significant.

“Nothing,” Strange stated. “I detected nothing.”

“Nor did I,” Wanda admitted. “I mean I could feel other minds out there when we ventured near land or saw other boats or even aircraft, but nothing that waved its arms and said we’re the problem.”

Sam chuckled. “Be nice if something did that.”

Only half-listening, Bucky scrolled back to the earliest footage they’d acquired from when the first vessels to disappear. The Mandarin in the corner of the images told him these images likely came from a Chinese satellite. No drones on tracking. No aircraft.

Zooming in, he studied the few images looking for  _ something _ that would give them a hint of where they should be looking but the vessels looked alone…

“Friday,” he said abruptly.

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes?”

“In these scans, is there a way to switch to thermal imaging? For any of them? And is there any kind of sonar of the immediate areas around the disappearances. Or… something that tracks seismic activity?”

“Initial images were lifted from a satellite we do not control. Standby for a further search.” 

“Natalia is on comms?”

“I’m here, James.” He smiled as her voice filled his ear. It had only been a few hours, but he already missed her. The sooner they wrapped this up, the sooner he got back.

“Hey, is that Nat?” Sam asked, hanging over his chair. “Put her on overhead.”

“Hello, Sam,” Natalia said with a faint chuckle. “Give me a moment, I need to untangle military decryption.”

“We’re almost to the quinjet, Red,” Tony jumped in. “Vision and I can help.”

“Hmm, Friday and I have it,” she answered. “James, you wanted thermal imaging? Anything else or would you like everything they have?”

“Everything, Doll, but thermal imaging first and foremost.”

“You’re looking for what we can’t see,” Steve said from just behind him. It wasn’t a question. Bucky nodded.

“There’s nothing in the stuff we have to indicate anything was even in their vicinity, but if they have a cloaked quinjet or boat… it would at least let us know what to look for.”

“Thermal imaging isn’t offered by this particular satellite, but there was another in the area, hang on.”

She went quiet long enough, Bucky frowned. “Everything all right, Doll?”

“Just this encryption was written by someone who might be slightly smarter than me.”

“Not funny, Nat,” Steve said.

“It’s kind of funny.” There was a smile in her voice. “And it’s not that I think they are smarter so much as they planned for similar intrusions, I’d be impressed if it weren’t so annoying.” Her even tone didn’t betray any irritations. Rather, Bucky recognized the smile resonating in her words.

She was having fun.

That, he could never begrudge.

“Here we go… not so smart now are you.” The hint of genuine glee in her voice made him grin and Sam whistled.

“Damn, remind me not to challenge you at Battleship.”

“Aww, you’re going to hurt my feelings, Sam,” Natalia teased him, but the screen filled with thermal images from around the same dates, slightly off the timestamps. “Taken at different peaks, but I’m not seeing anything that shouldn’t be there. Doing a little hunt and peck in here for you to see if I can pull from before and after.”

“Try not to get caught, Red,” Tony said as the rear ramp of the quinjet opened and he came in to land.

“ _ Try  _ to not get caught?” Amused warning ticked through her voice and Bucky shook his head.

“Point. Don’t leave them an xoxo bad spider.”

She laughed, and then the sound sobered. “This is interesting.”

“What?” Steve and Tony asked in the same breath. More images filtered through the screen and Bucky tapped through them. Cyrillic appeared in place of the Mandarin, not on all of the images, but intermittently.

“How often?” Bucky asked.

“Enough to tell me these were edited. That explains the extra firewalls. Okay, this information is useless except…”

“The timestamps,” Steve said. “We know the precise when.”

“Yes, we do. Which gives us a window to start surfing. I need to get back to the Tower so I can pull up multiple screens. Friday, I’m going to need a shopping list for every satellite in that area during those windows.”

“I’ll put it together. I’ve redeployed a second Stark satellite to cross-check our data. We’ll be working with thermal images. Sonar is going to take longer. Boss, do you want me to deploy some drones?”

Bucky glanced at Tony who looked thoughtful as he stared at the screen. “Yes, at one hundred mile intervals. Let’s blanket it. But they need to go quiet. We do not want anyone to think we’re mining the area. Until then, we head to where the last ship vanished?”

Steve folded his arms. “We can, but it feels like we’re sifting for a needle in an infinite haystack.”

“What we need is to flush them out,” Bucky suggested. “Do we have any commonality between the vessels taken?” At this point, natural phenomena didn’t seem likely. With few exceptions—like that formless—it didn’t seem to go roaming and even that hadn’t roamed so much as pieces of it had been moved.

“No,” Tony answered in the same breath as Friday. “Yacht, some shipping vessels. Ferry. One of the container ships was actually heading in to pick up cargo.”

“Though,” Steve said. “More have been larger shipping vessels, nothing military.”

Exhaling, Bucky stared at the screen. “Then why don’t we set up an actual sting?” He’d rather just go directly to the source, deal with it, and be done. “We could fly circuits out here for decades and never trip across them.”

“Fair,” Steve said slowly. “Even if we’re right here the next time a report happens…”

Cutting a look at Tony, Bucky raised his brows.

“Let me guess, you want to borrow a boat?”

“We’re going to need a bigger boat,” he deadpanned and the corners of Tony’s mouth began to twitch.

“Of course she showed you  _ that _ movie.”

With a shrug, Bucky didn’t correct him. Clint had. A double feature with a shark and with cheerleaders—the man had interesting tastes.

“Baby Girl?”

“We have a few freighters in the Pacific, and another near the Indian Ocean. It will take time to repurpose the vessels and to ferry the crews off and the Iron Legion on.”

“Read my mind.” Tony looked impressed.

“Nat told me, Boss,” Friday said almost smugly. “She also thinks we shouldn’t use a Stark Industries vessel so we’re going shopping.”

“That works, too.”

Steve chuckled and clapped Tony on the shoulder. “Then we do one more sweep, let’s hit where the last ship vanished, then back to the beginning. If we have nothing, we go back until we have a ship.”

Worked for Bucky. He wanted to be home tonight. “You get all that, Doll?”

“Hmm-hmm. You know the only problem with this kind of shopping?”

“It’s still not a pony,” Bucky answered and her laughter made him grin almost as much as Tony and Steve’s.

However, Sam’s, “Why do I feel like I’m missing something?” just made him grin wider.

**Natalia/Natasha**

“You got the search for now?” she asked as she pulled out of the parking garage she’d sat in working on the hack from the SUV.

“I do, Nat. You’re en route back to the Tower?”

“I am. But I have to make a call. I was going to have coffee with May.”

“Understood. I’ll be in standby so you can use the phone.”

Friday went ahead and put the call through for her as she navigated out onto the road. Midtown traffic would be a pain in the ass, so she had time.

“You can’t make it,” was how May answered the phone.

“Unfortunately,” Natalia told her. “Something has come up and I need to return to the Tower.” She’d texted May earlier in the day about coffee.

“It’s fine, I get that you’ve got a lot of demands on your time.” Though she didn’t make light of the disappointment. “Still, since you’re blowing me off, I think that gives me the right to ask a couple of questions.”

Natalia chuckled. “It definitely does, though I cannot guarantee you an answer.” She did like May. Her own disappointment at not getting to see her was in part due to the woman herself and the other part in firming the ground so they could explain their relationship to Peter.

“Fair enough,” May said, then didn’t follow it up with anything immediately.

Natalia flicked a look at the traffic behind her then ahead. With the team on the hunt, she refused to be a distraction at the moment. There was also a sense of freedom in running around on her own. She loved the guys, she really did. But she was more than capable of looking after herself.

“May?”

“Dammit, I’m thinking,” May said with a laugh. “I want my two questions to be good. I figure if I have any about Peter, you’ll answer those without me applying leverage.”

“A decent assessment.”

“You don’t give very much away at all.”

“Old habits,” she explained.

“Fine, you and Tony? When we met at the hospital? Were you already engaged or was it a spur of the moment thing?”

“Definitely not planned.” In this instance, honesty served her well. “An impulsive act that was done before we were even aware of it, in reality.”

“Wow, that sounds kind of romantic and very Tony.” Just the barest hint of irritation on Tony’s name. “Not that he hasn’t been great to Peter, but he can be a bit much.”

“That’s just Tony,” Natalia assured her. “He would do anything for Peter, trust in his affection even if he does seem to be over the top often. It comes from a place of caring.”

“Good to know,” she replied. “I thought so, but… he’s Tony Stark. Everything about him is larger than life. Then Peter comes home with Captain Freakin’ America  _ and _ the Winter Soldier.”

“Steve and James,” Natalia corrected her gently. “They are good men and they are much more than their aliases.”

“Fair, it’s just…I read those articles about Sergeant Barnes.”

“You read a lot about me in the papers, too. Am I what they painted me as?”

Quiet.

Then, “Yes and no,” May said slowly. “I like to think I judge people for themselves. But this is Peter and I was expecting you or Tony and I get...well it was just a bit disconcerting. He seemed a very nice man though. They both are. Captain—Um..Steve is a little intimidating. Too much perfection.”

Natalia laughed. “He’s just a big dork when you get to know him. James is complicated, but I give you my word, neither would ever harm Peter and they’d die to protect him.” Just like she would.

“I don’t know whether that’s supposed to be comforting or not,” May admitted.

“It’s not meant to comfort or frighten you. What Peter does, what I do—what we all do, it’s very dangerous. I will not soften that reality. But I gave you my word that I would continue to train him and do everything in my power to make sure he always comes home. Tony has been fond of him since he recruited him. Steve and James are also very invested in him. They may not wear their hearts on their sleeve, but never mistake that for not caring.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say you’re all that open either,” she countered. “But it does make me feel better.” Then she sighed. “Is it too late to try and persuade Peter to give up this life?”

“Yes, unfortunately,” Natalia said softly. It had been too late when he went to Oscorp. “But I will remind you, that his abilities only allow him to be who he was always meant to be. Someone who cares about others and sacrifices to protect them. He is not looking for accolades or fame. It is a desire to help.”

“Now you are comforting me.”

“If the truth comforts you, then I’m happy to tell you.” Because nothing they did would take Peter out of the game at this point. Now? Now the goal was to train and arm him so he could be his own best defense.

“Well, don’t sugarcoat it.”

“I’m not,” Natalia said as she slowed the car. Friday flashed an alternate route on the screen. It would save her about seven minutes, so she took the next right.

“I appreciate that. Are you really doing well? We were watching the television when you were hit and Peter filled me in on some of what happened in Wakanda.”

“I’m doing fairly well. Healed for the most part. Still recovering. Lack of activity means I need to train, but I think I’m better than I have been in a long time.” Even if her heart had been broken, she found Peter. She and James had both found him and she had James, Steve, and now Tony. Clint was with his family. Peter and Wanda were getting closer. Stephen had proven to become a good friend. 

“I’m glad to hear it. You need to be more careful if you don’t mind me saying it. Losing you would devastate Peter and I think he’s lost enough.” The crispness in May’s tone chastised her. “I would appreciate it if he didn’t have to grieve another person.”

“Understood.” She didn’t want Peter to hurt either. “Did you know his parents well?”

Since she’d opened the door…

May sighed. “Ben and Richard were brothers. They were very close and we got to know Mary when he would bring her for visits. I really liked her. She was a great mom. I’d hoped after they had Peter they would settle down some, but she and Richard were always off on another adventure. They always told great tales, too and then…then one day they didn’t come home. It was devastating for Ben, for Peter—even for Will.”

Natalia forced herself to listen without reacting. “I’m so sorry for your loss,” she said honestly. “The more I know Peter, the more I wish I could have known his parents.”

“Mary would have liked you,” May admitted with a wry chuckle. “You’re very much alike.”

Her heart twisted.

“But I think she wasn’t as guarded as you. Probably… a lot of different reasons. About a year after we lost Mary and Richard, we lost Will, too. Then Ben died. Peter’s lost a lot.”

“So have you,” Natalia told her.

“I’ll be alright, I have to be. I have Peter and he’s a gift.”

She was almost to the Tower.

“Yes, he is.” Natalia sighed. “Maybe the next time we plan coffee, you could tell me some stories?”

“I haven’t talked about them in a long time,” May admitted.

“You don’t have to if it would be painful,” Natalia offered. “I’d love to hear about Ben, as well. You may have met all of us because of Peter, but I’d like to be your friend, too.”

“Me, friends with Black Widow?”

“How about just friends with Natasha?”

“I’d like that,” May said with a chuckle. “Maybe we could do a girl’s night, I’d say go out and hit a few clubs for fun, but I’m not that girl anymore and I like to sleep when I’m not working.”

“Doesn’t mean we couldn’t do something fun, Tony and I have to have a party, will you come?”

“If I’m not working, sure. Mini-girl’s night, with the guys around.”

Natalia grinned. “Something like that.”

Finally, she was pulling into the descending drive for the Tower and Friday opened the doors for her.

“I’m back now,” she told May. “I’ll text you as soon as I know I can steal away?”

“Sounds good… and Natasha?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m really glad you’re alright.” Then she followed that with, “And good luck with Tony, I have a feeling you can handle him but a little luck never hurt anyone.”

She was still laughing when she hung up the phone. Natalia’s amusement faded as she parked and she leaned her head back against the seat.

_ “Mary would have liked you. You’re very much alike.” _

The gaping maw threatened to swallow her and she fought against the reaction and the tears.

“Nat?”

“I need a moment, Friday.”

Bit by bit, she focused on her breathing. Get it under control, leash the emotional reaction.

“Kotyonok?” James’ voice came through the comm. “Friday said you were upset.”

“Friday needs to not rat me out when I have it under control,” she said, with a faint smile of her own.

“Do you need me to come back?”

She considered the question. “Not immediately no,” she said finally. “I want you to come back tonight if you can, but…I can manage.” He didn’t ask, but she continued anyway. “I talked to May, she brought up Peter’s losses and opened the door to it so I asked her about Mary and Richard.”

His soft sigh promised he understood.

“It was a good talk. I was going to go see her for coffee, but I’m back here to work on getting those vessels.”

“We could have managed,” James assured her.

“I know, but I want to help.” She did. Blowing out a breath, she gathered her bag from the seat and the stack of paperwork she’d brought back from Isaiah. Most of it would be digitized, but she wanted a full print out of some of the older files to add to the one in her safe. Backups for backups. “I’ll be alright, James. It was a good talk,” she repeated.

“Ya lyublyu tebya kotyonok.”

“I know,” she whispered. “I love you, too.”

“Steve is giving me the look.”

She chuckled. “I know which one that is, go on, the sooner we do this, the sooner you can come home.”

They disconnected and she slid out of the car.

“Friday?”

“I know, I overstepped.”

“Yes,” Natalia said. “But I needed to hear his voice. It helped. So thank you.”

“You are very welcome, Nat.”

The elevator stood open waiting for her. “Now,” Natalia said as she stepped inside. “Let’s get to work.”

“I’ll order lunch in for you…”


	27. Complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalia pulls information out of Maria while juggling the team's mission and Peter comes over. Meanwhile, Brevlov and the others are beginning to put their plan into action

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

_ Complicated _

**Natalia/Natasha**

“Nat?” Friday pulled her attention from retracing the previously filed courses for the missing vessels. It wasn’t likely a thread that would reveal much when they pulled it but, better to test the theory than ignore it and miss something vital. “Ms. Hill is here to see you.”

“Is she?” Natalia checked the time. Her eyes were a little sore from intense focus and her back and neck stiff from holding still for so long. The team had been in the field for most of the day. While it was after four in the morning the guys’ time, at least jetlag wouldn’t be an issue yet.

“Yes, she’s at the security desk downstairs. Do you want me to send her away? Or bring her up?”

Natalia rubbed the back of her neck. She’d been immersed for hours, touching base with the team here and there but they’d been testing a few theories of Stephen’s as well as Vision’s. The last time Steve reached out, Sam had been complaining steadily about magical radar and Stephen had corrected him on the terminology.

It had been entertaining and for all the teasing, they couldn’t quite disguise the frustration. Just because no other ships had been reported missing didn’t mean it was over. Worse, they didn’t know where the vessels had gone or what happened to the people aboard.

“Bring her up to the penthouse. Is there any coffee made?”

“It’s about three hours old and just dregs,” Friday informed her. “You also didn’t finish eating your lunch.”

“That I did remember. But thank you for bringing it up.”

“Do you want me to order dinner?”

“Let’s wait to see what the guys’ ETA is.” She’d taken over part of Tony’s private lab to go through the myriad of reports and satellite footage. Friday had been compiling all satellites in the region and they’d taken their time hacking in to check what—if any—footage or data they had on the areas.

So far, they’d netted a lot of trash and no actual fish.

Stretching, she picked up the container with the remains of her lunch and her empty coffee cup before ascending the stairs for the closet. “Secure lab.”

“Securing the lab.” The door sealed behind her as she made her way through the closet to the bedroom and then out.

The elevator dinged open as she descended the stairs from his room. A bruised Maria emerged from the elevator. A slender cut at her forehead and a scrape on her cheek looked rough.

“Trust me, I could look worse,” Maria said as she stripped off her coat. “Tell me you have something to drink.”

“I can offer coffee or tea. We’re dry up here.” If it was that bad, she could have Friday bring something up though, from the look of her, this wasn’t a social call.

“Coffee would be great.” She dropped her coat over the back of a chair before following Natalia toward the kitchen. “You look good.”

“You look like crap,” Natalia responded. She favored her left leg as she moved and her right arm hung awkwardly at her side. It took no time to slot the coffee in and get it brewing before she turned to face her. Nodding to the bandage peeking out near the collar of her shirt, Natalia asked, “You need me to look at that?”

“It’s fine,” Maria said with a shake of her head. Before she continued, however, she zeroed in on Natalia’s hand. “Holy shit. Barton really did let you marry Stark. I’ll be damned.”

Rolling her eyes, Natalia folded her arms. “Maria, focus.”

With a wry grin, Maria said, “You have to admit, there’s some serious irony there.”

“No, I don’t. What happened to you?”

“Just shrapnel, it’s out and I’ll heal.”

“Uh huh.” Natalia didn’t try to disguise the skepticism in her voice.

“Fine, can I debrief you if I take my shirt off and let you look at it?”

The corner of Natalia’s mouth curved upward. “You just want to be able to say I got your shirt off.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” came the deadpan response. The fact she even made the offer said it probably did need to be looked at. She just didn’t want to ask for help.

“Fine,” Natalia said with a sigh, then dragged one of the stools into the kitchen. “In here. I don’t want blood on the carpet.”

While Maria eased onto the stool and unbuttoned her shirt, Natalia pulled a first aid kit from above the fridge. Like her floor and Steve’s, they were stashed everywhere.

It was like people got hurt on a regular basis or something. Flipping it open, she studied the mottled flesh visible around the bandage on Maria’s shoulder. That was more than just shrapnel. Blood had seeped into the bandage and it would need to be removed so she could take a look.

“Friday, can you have a bottle of vodka sent up.”

“I’d prefer whiskey,” Maria said.

“I don’t have any whiskey,” Natalia informed her. At the moment, she didn’t think Friday stocked anything except Natalia’s vodka. “So you’ll make do or I can do a lidocaine shot. Your call.”

Maria shot her a bland look. “I’ll take the vodka.”

“I thought you might.”

“It’s on its way, Nat. Do you want me to contact one of the medics or have Dr. Cho summoned?”

At Maria’s brief headshake, Natalia said, “Not at the moment. Let me see what I’m dealing with.”

While they waited for the vodka, she set out the supplies they’d need then poured the coffee.

“You can start talking,” Natalia told her.

“Just one question before we get down to business,” Maria said with a faint grimace. “Why Stark? Seriously.”

“Because he’s Tony.”

“That’s it?”

“Does it have to be something else?”

Maria sighed. “No, I guess it doesn’t. Just…never pictured the two of you. Not even…wait…” She paused and stared at Natalia for a beat. “He stalked you for almost two years.”

“He’s protective,” Natalia said with a shrug. The elevator dinged as a drone entered and carried the bottle to her. It was rare to see them. They were everywhere in the Tower, though. “Thank you, Friday.”

“You’re welcome, Nat.”

Opening the bottle, she didn’t bother with a glass, just handed it to Maria. With a nod, Maria downed two long swallows then grimaced. “Holy shit, I forgot what you drank.”

“You won’t mind it so much in a moment.” Gloves on, she peeled back the bandaging, careful of where it had tried to adhere to the skin. The blood was still wet though, so it wasn’t sticking to the wound itself. The jagged slash looked a little purple at the edges and three of the stitches had come out.

Haphazard job.

“You can afford better work and you know people who can do this,” she said by way of chastising. “I’m going to clean that out and restitch it. Start drinking and talking.”

“Molot Baga,” Maria said with a grimace as Natalia began to flush around the injury so she could see the stitches to remove them and then reseal the wound.

“What about him?” She flicked a look to Maria’s face.

“As of two days ago, he was in Newark.”

Newark.

“He’s dead.”

“Not so much.”

“Apparently no one dies anymore,” Natalia murmured. Molot Boga was a problem.

“Well, it was always fifty-fifty that we got him. The fact he never resurfaced suggested we’d been successful.”

Natalia nodded once. “And you’re tracking him, why?”

“Because he came up when we were hunting Ross. Logan and Remy came across the name.”

Natalia didn’t let her reaction bleed through. She needed to call both men, that was an oversight, she would correct.

“Logan mentioned it to Fury, Fury started looking.”

“You’re watching Nick.”

“I was,” Maria admitted, jaw clamping as Natalia snipped through the stitches at speed and removed them. Better to just get it done. The wound was deep but seemed to have missed the vital tendons and veins. That was good. “But I followed a rumor on Boga I tripped over trying to track Yuri Brevlov.”

Another name that would need to be scratched off.

“And I feel like you know some of this.”

“I only pretend like I know everything, Maria,” she reminded her before cleaning the area again. The bleeding still remaining was sluggish. That was good. Setting aside the gauze and saline, she located the needle and the right tensile thread. “But Brevlov befriended Bruce and introduced him to Richardson.”

Though she appeared to be concentrating on threading the needle, she remained intensely aware of the nuances of Maria’s expression. It hardened with instant dislike. “We haven’t been able to find that son of a bitch either. I tracked the alias he’d been living under, but he abandoned it and vanished.”

Natalia nodded once. “I’ll find him.”

“No doubt.” Then Maria took another swallow of the vodka as Natalia began to stitch her shoulder. “The problem is we’re tracking a lot of threads and they’re all beginning to connect in an uncomfortable pattern.”

“Hydra?”

“I don’t think so,” the other woman said with a slight shake of her head. “Doesn’t smell like it.”

Since Maria had good instincts, Natalia nodded once. “Brevlov was Nick’s asset. He supposedly left SHIELD after I had to bust him out of the op gone wrong.”

“Nick ran him off the books.”

“Of course he did.”

“Nat, you know what it was like.”

Natalia spared her a look then nodded. “I do.” Just another loose thread they needed to snip. “Is he still running him?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Would you know, though?”

“Once upon a time I thought I knew almost everything.”

“Reality not so kind, hmm?”

They shared a look and Maria snorted. “No, not at all. So while I can’t eliminate it as a possibility, I will say Nick isn’t thrilled with him. He may have his own agenda, but he helped us to bag Ross and he wants Brevlov.”

“I’m surprised he hasn’t directed his new SHIELD to handle it.”

“He has a lot of pull, but that would be up to the new director.” The minute the words came out Maria closed her eyes. “Fuck, I hate you sometimes.”

“I know,” Natalia said as she finished the last stitch. “But that’s what happens with blood loss and vodka. You’re going to need a shot of antibiotics. Maybe a series over the next few days. I recommend going to that surgeon again or at least breaking his kneecaps next time.”

“Fine, yes, there is a new SHIELD, you all knew that. There’s a new director, too. He took over in the aftermath of the Triskelion—you know once some of the mess was mopped up.”

“Hmm.”

“Nat,” Maria said and Natalia pulled out a fresh bit of gauze to close over the wound. “I know for a fact the director wanted you back in the fold but they couldn’t find you. Then when you did pop up you were here.”

“The answer would have been and remains, ‘no’.”

Locking gazes with her, Maria nodded. “I believe you. Boga is a problem, though, Nat. He hates you.”

Natalia shrugged. “He’s not the first. I seriously doubt he’ll be the last.”

“Because you are such a people person.”

They both grinned and Natalia took the bottle of vodka and downed her own drink before passing it back. “I’ve been accused of worse.”

“Nat,” Friday intruded before Maria could respond. “Mr. Parker has arrived and Boss needs you on comms with Captain Rogers.”

Of course, he was. “Send him to his lab for now please.” Then with a nod at Maria, she said, “If you’ll give me a moment, drink your coffee and I’ll get the shot for you.” Then she tapped the comm in her ear. 

“Online.”

**Peter**

“Mr. Parker, your mom is not alone at the moment. She has a guest on the penthouse level. You may join them but I would refrain from using ‘Mom’ to address her.”

Peter sighed, “Friendly guest?”

“At the moment,” Friday said after a beat. “It’s Ms. Hill, former Deputy Director Hill of SHIELD.”

“Got it,” he exhaled. “So, I’m here as Tony’s intern?”

“That would be best, Mr. Parker, or you could go to your floor and work in your lab until Ms. Hill leaves.”

He could, but he wanted to see Mom. He wanted to ask her advice on a few things. “I can still call her Nat, right?”

“I think that would be fine,” Friday told him. “She is also on comms with the team.”

“They’re not all here?”

The elevator slowed to a halt, but the doors didn’t open. “No, Mr. Parker. The team is deployed. Nat remained here but is acting in a support capacity. Do you need a minute?”

No wonder May had sounded a little uneasy when he told her he was heading to the Tower after school. Not that there was anything happening in the city or he would have heard about it already. “I got it.”

“Very good, also, welcome home, Mr. Parker.”

Peter grinned as the doors slid open to the penthouse. The dark-haired woman near the kitchen turned to face the door as she buttoned up her shirt. He caught a glimpse of bandaging on her shoulder and when he cut his gaze away politely, he couldn’t miss the first aid supplies on the counter.

“Friday, give me a holoscreen,” Mom said as she exited the kitchen a mug of coffee in hand. She caught Peter’s eye as he descended the three short steps toward the living room. “Hey Peter, come on in. You know where the drinks and snacks are. If you want Friday to order something, just let her know. Also, Tony says hello—as does Steve and James.”

He chuckled. “Hey back.”

At her wink, he felt a little better. She also looked a lot better. The holoscreen opened to show a view of the South China Sea crisscrossed with varying colored lines.

“Also, Maria, this is Peter, Peter, this is Maria.” Then she fixed Maria with a look. “He’s Tony’s intern. Be polite.”

“I’m always polite,” the woman said, then offered Peter her hand. “Maria Hill.”

“Former Deputy Director of SHIELD,” Peter said politely as he took her hand, but he watched his grip and not just because of his strength but also because of how stiffly Maria moved.

“Just Maria,” she told him with a fast clasp.

He nodded. “I’m Peter.”

“Nat said,” she reminded him.

He set his bag down on one of the stools before heading directly to the fridge. There were sodas on the top shelf, juice, cold water, and a few Red Bulls. He snagged a soda then pulled out stuff to make a sandwich. His stomach growled happily at the promise.

“You’re interning for Tony?”

“Yep,” Peter said. “Since the beginning of summer. It’s a cool gig. I get to build stuff.” All of which was true and didn’t even require a hesitation to get out. As he worked on putting his sandwich together, he asked, “Would you like one?”

“I’m fine,” Maria told him as she recapped a now half-empty bottle of vodka. The scrape on her cheek, the head injury, and the bandaging said otherwise. She glanced from him toward Nat in the living room.

“From what we pulled, we’re looking at four possible leaks of those shipping routes, but since three vessels were taken as they approached a port, I don’t think the routes are the actual key here.” The routes? Ships?

Missing vessels.

That had come up when he’d still been at the house with them.

Damn, they were all the way in Asia?

“That said, we may be dealing with someone testing something. The random nature of the targets, varying sizes. The question would be what are they testing?”

Like him, Maria focused on Mom and what was on the screen, but she didn’t make any attempt to approach. The holoscreen was open over the table in the living room.

“So what do you do for Tony?” Maria asked.

“This and that,” he answered. “Kind of signed a non-disclosure.” Never had he been so glad he had. What had Mom told him? The best lies were grounded in the truth. It wasn’t about lying, but withholding information. In this instance, protecting his identity and his relationship to Mom.

She chuckled. “That sounds like Tony. For what’s worth, so did I.”

“You work for him?” He cast a glance at her as he piled roast beef, turkey, ham, and cheese in layers on the bread with some mustard.

“For Stark Industries,” Maria said with a nod. “Security issues.”

“I thought that was Happy’s job.”

“He’s more executive level, I’m more in the trenches.” She lifted her coffee cup.

“No,” Mom said as she shifted things on the screen. “We’re better off running these scenarios.” A beat, then. “Yes. We’ve already taken care of it. Friday?”

“I can continue the briefing, Nat,” Friday said, but Mom raised a finger as if asking her to wait.

The screen changed to a location in Russia and Maria straightened abruptly.

“I’m not saying it’s related, James,” Mom corrected. “But I don’t believe in coincidences either. If someone wanted to raise a red flag and sky write, ‘look here’ this is what you would do.”

His phone buzzed and he dug it out after popping open the can of soda. Aware that Maria seemed to be splitting her attention, he did his best to keep it casual as he read the message from MJ and then grimaced.

**Michelle:** _ So, where are you hiding at the moment? _

**Peter:** _ Not hiding. Had some intern work to do. What’s up? _

**Michelle:** _ Thought we had a date. _

__

Peter’s stomach dropped as he stared at the message.

**Michelle:** _ Course, the rumor is you have a thing for an older woman. _

**Peter:** _Rumor? What rumor?_

__

He hadn’t told anyone about Wanda. Not even Ned. That had been hard. Especially with how weird things had been with Liz for the last few days. Though weird might be a harsh description. They’d just been really busy.

**Michelle:** _ Redheaded? Really sexy, you know if you like that kind of thing. Or so I hear. _

Peter’s pulse rabbited. He literally had no response to that.

“Something wrong?” Maria asked and he jerked his gaze up then shook his head swiftly.

“Just school stuff.” It came out a lot more even than he felt.

**Michelle:** _ LOL just messing with you Parker. _

__

Not. Funny.

He frowned. He really couldn’t get a read on this girl. She was so…different.

**Michelle:** _ Seriously, just messing with you. Ned said you had a crush on the Black Widow, so figured since she’s now Mrs. Stark, you’re going to be spending a lot of time ‘interning,’ right? _

__

Gross.

**Peter:** _ I do not have a crush on Mrs. Stark. Ned also has a big mouth. _

Switching screens, he texted Ned.

**Peter:** _ Why is MJ asking me about BW? _

He had to be careful about his texts, but he’d slipped already. Ned had seen his phone when he’d texted Mom from school.

**Ned:** _ Dude, sorry. She heard me asking you about BW the other day and I guess I wasn’t subtle. _

**Peter:** _ And you told her what? _

Ned took so long to write his response, Peter switched back to MJ’s text message.

**Peter:** _ Gotta get to work. I’ll see you Monday. _

**Michelle:** _ K. If you get a chance though, think you could introduce me? _

Peter groaned.

**Michelle:** _ Just, she’s really cool and I kind of admire how she stands against the system of oppression and uses gender stereotyping to mess with people. _

__

“I’d avoid the fanboys and girls if I were you,” Maria advised and Peter nearly leapt out of his skin. She’d shifted close enough she could see his screen. “Anyone who wants to trade up on your relationships isn’t usually the kind of friend you can depend on.” She refilled her coffee and Peter frowned at her.

“Michelle’s not really like that. I think she’s messing with me again.”

“Mind games?” Maria asked before taking a sip of her coffee.

Under her scrutiny, Peter fought the urge to squirm. Fortunately, she didn’t have Mom’s stare. “Something like that. She just likes to give me a hard time. It’s no biggie.”

“I have no intentions of jetting off to Russia, Shellhead, now hush and let’s finish figuring this out unless you guys want to just keep flying circles.”

He grinned at the warmth in her voice. Even if she was giving Tony a hard time, she didn’t sound mean about it or even annoyed.

“Exactly,” Mom said. “I’ve got a few more I can crack into, I’ve been reviewing other footage, it just takes time and Friday’s running as much as she can. I’ll be back to it soon, I’ve got company.” A beat, then, “Yes, Peter and Maria are still here.” Mom laughed. “I promise… right… you, too.” Then she said something in Russian, but too swiftly for Peter to understand it.

“So weird,” Maria muttered and he cut a look at her.

“What is?”

“Nat and Tony. Weird.”

“I don’t know, I think they’re cute together,” Peter admitted. He liked her with all of them, no matter how  _ weird _ that might seem. As much as he’d been rooting for Tony, the more he’d gotten to know Steve and now Bucky, he didn’t want to see her lose any of them. They made Mom happy and she seemed to make them happy, too. Bucky was cool. He wanted to know more about him.

“God, you’re young,” Maria said with a kind of exasperation he was used to hearing from adults. “As for your friend there, just think about what I said. You’re close to the Avengers, even if you’re only Tony’s intern. People will want to use that as a hook to get close to them, too.”

“Leave him alone, Maria,” Mom said smoothly as she joined them. The holoscreen was off in the living room and her gaze was cool as she fixed it on the other woman.

“Like that,” Maria said, then she focused on Mom. “I’m going to lie low for another day or two. Think anyone would object to me taking a guest floor?”

“Probably, but I’ll take care of it,” Mom told her. “You’ll have restricted access.”

“Didn’t think it would be any other way.” Maria shot him a look then back at Mom. “When is Barton back?”

“You sure you’re up for it with your arm?”

“Are you? Since you just returned to the land of the living,” Maria asked, studying Mom with a kind of strange intensity.

Mom shrugged and Peter frowned. What were they talking about?

“Depends on the specs,” Mom admitted.

“Mostly surveillance, possibly some conversation. I’d like to keep any actual combat to a minimum.”

“Then I’ll call him and let you know.”

“Thanks,” Maria said, then motioned to her arm. “And for this. You need any help with that?”

“Nope,” Mom said evenly. “I’ll talk to you later about the rest. I would like all the details you’ve gathered.”

“Sure, but it’ll cost you.”

Mom rolled her eyes. “I’ll find you for a drink later.”

“Good, I’ll look forward to it.” Then she nodded to Peter. “It was good to meet you, Peter.”

“Okay,” Peter said slowly because he wasn’t so sure, but he wanted to keep it polite. “Nice to meet you, too.”

With that, Maria pivoted and headed for the elevator. Mom didn’t say anything until after the doors closed and then she glanced upward, a thoughtful expression. “Secure Maria, please Friday, low-level access, keep her restricted to the guest floor and the common room level for now and make sure the guys know?”

“Done, Nat.”

“And no privacy mode for her, if she institutes it, agree and maintain monitoring.”

“Red-level authorization, Nat?”

Mom chuckled. “Confirmed.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

That done, Mom looked at him. “Hello, malen’kiy pauk.”

He grinned. “Hi, Mom.” Then he wrapped her up in a hug and she gripped him.

He’d missed these.

“It’s good to see you.”

“You, too.” He admitted, then snuck a kiss to her cheek as he loosened his grip. “How are you feeling?”

“Not too bad. I have some work to do though, want to join me in the lab and tell me what’s up that you’re worried about?”

“That obvious?”

“No,” she told him before ruffling his hair. “You did good with Maria.”

“Is she a friendly?” he asked as he put his sandwich on a plate and grabbed his drink before shouldering his backpack to follow her up to the private lab.

“She’s Maria. We have a history, but we’re working on it,” Mom said. “I think she means well.”

“But you don’t trust her fully.”

“I don’t trust a lot of people, Petya. For now, I would advise you to keep any interactions with her strictly professional and as an intern.”

“Got it.” He grimaced.

“Only when she’s around,” Mom soothed him.

Once they were in the lab, he set his stuff down and pulled up a chair to the console. “Can I help you with anything?”

“In a minute,” she said. “Now spill. What’s wrong?”

He sighed. “I may have let the mom-thing slip in front of Ned, he saw my texts and then I tried to cover it. Michelle at school kind of overheard some of it, but Ned apparently told her I had a crush on you.” He managed that without gagging. “Now she’s giving me a hard time and Liz isn’t really talking to me right now, and I’m not sure what I did wrong. But Wanda came to see me the other night and that was great. So not all bad, right?”

The fact she studied him with an expressionless face worried him and a message popped up on his screen from Ned that was a couple of paragraphs long of rambling explanation with him trying not to call Mom, Peter’s mom. She dipped her gaze to the screen then to him.

“I think we should start at the beginning. We’ll deal with Ned in a moment. Tell me about Liz.”

He took a big bite of his sandwich and washed it down with a drink before taking the plunge.

~~~

_ Elsewhere… _

__

“They’re back,” he said into the phone. “We have a confirmed sighting of her. Rogers was out running earlier today with a guy who looked like Barnes but without a metal arm. Not sure what’s going on there. They took a different route and our trackers couldn’t keep up. I’ve got a couple of drones ready to go for tomorrow and eyes on the Tower itself.”

“I thought you said you had all of the routes mapped,” Brevlov’s voice held no patience.

“I did, but they did something different. Could be they are shaking it up. It’s been a few weeks and there’s still a lot of snow on the ground.”

“What about the Starks?”

“No confirmation on him  _ yet _ though we did get an image of her returning via car earlier today. There were a number of vehicles that left the Tower, and we couldn’t track all of them.”

Brevlov sighed. “This is not acceptable. We need schedules and I need visual confirmation that both Starks are there.”

“You were waiting on her, though, right?”

“You take one, you get them all. Pay attention. Without eyes on every single one, we can’t move. Where do we stand with Spider-Man?”

“Tests have been running a pace. Fast. Clever. Very strong. But I get the impression he’s young. A few interactions where we’ve got his voice on a long-distance mic, he doesn’t sound like an adult.”

“And the others?”

“We missed Hill. Boga got her in place, but she made him.”

“Find her. The last thing I want is Mrs. Stark knowing what’s coming. She anticipates too well.”

Not telling him Hill had already gone to the Tower was a tactical decision. “I’ll take care of it.”

“You should remember, you’re replaceable, call me when it’s confirmed.”

The call cut off and he stared at the phone. He wasn’t the only one who was replaceable. It might just be time to make a new arrangement. They didn’t work for Brevlov no matter how much he wanted to act like they did.

Rising, he crossed his office to look out the window. Hands behind his back, he twisted the ring on his finger as he considered his options.

An alarm sounded and he turned. He had a flight to catch.

This would be better handled in person.

~~~

**Brevlov**

“Idiots,” he said with a quiet, if harsh, snarl.

“Be patient,” the man across from him advised. “He who doesn’t have a dog must hunt with a cat. These are all people with grudges and will. That was what you wanted. But they’re civilians, not military or even highly trained. We must be prepared for mistakes. It’s also why they’re disposable.”

With a snort, Brevlov faced him. “It’s all about the pieces you move on the board.”

The other man inclined his head. “Much as it is to you. The only difference is you hate her because she beat you.”

“And you don’t.”

“Hate isn’t a productive emotion and you were foolish enough to challenge her directly. You underestimated her. See that you don’t do it again.” The man rose and smoothed down his shirt. “For every thread you tie, she only needs to pull one.  _ She _ is not a civilian. While not everyone on that team is as trained as she is, they are not idiots. You do this, you have to do it right.”

“Are you scolding me, Doctor?”

“No, I’m reminding you. You want revenge. That rage will only blind you.” The steady cadence of his voice would be lulling if he hadn’t seen exactly what he’d done to others. “It’s also why you find my insights valuable. I know her. I’ve profiled all of them.”

“Then what is her weak point? You haven’t given me that.”

“When you require it, I’ll tell you. Until then, I’ll keep my own counsel in case you decide to indulge in your impulse issues again. What is the status of Dr. Banner?”

“He’s gone completely off the grid. I suspect Wakanda, but I have no one there.”

“I might be able to do something about it.” With that, the doctor headed for the door.

“You’re not going to tell me what, are you?”

“Of course not,” the doctor said with a smile. “Because you, like the others, are also disposable. You should remember that.”

The urge to pick up the gun from the open drawer next to him and shoot the doctor surged, but Brevlov clamped down on the need. They’d get there, sooner or later.

Then they would see exactly who was disposable.

After the door closed behind him, Brevlov stared across the office. This location would have to be scrubbed soon. He never stayed anywhere longer than a few weeks if he could help it.

Though he might linger this time.

Fury was getting closer.

It might be time to ‘let’ Fury catch him.

He and the director had some catching up to do of their own.

  
  
  



	28. Fire Under My Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The search for the missing vessels takes a twist

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

_ Fire Under My Feet _

**Tony**

“One last pass,” Steve said, leaning against the back of the pilot’s seat. “Then we call it?”

Tony exhaled. They were all running on empty. Dawn had already begun to edge the horizon over the South China Sea, but it was evening at home. Nat and Peter were safe in the Tower, though Friday warned them Maria had also come for a visit and Nat assigned her a guest floor.

She presented a problem they could deal with when they got there.

Friday also let him know Pepper had called three times. That was another problem they couldn’t put off. He’d talk to Natasha but then arrange a meeting for Monday. Brunch might be the best way to handle it. Though finger foods so there were no knives present.

A faint smile creased his lips at the thought. “Fine,” Tony said as he pushed upward. “One more pass. Vision?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Let’s spread out, cover as much ground as possible.”

“Very good.”

“You up for it?” Steve asked as he glanced to Wanda. She gave him a weary smile.

“I’ll be fine. It’s more tedious than it is exhausting.”

Strange snorted. “It is that.” He folded his arms. “However, I agree, we should do at least one more pass. How many drones have you seeded the area with?”

“Enough,” Tony told him. Keeping that exact number quiet would probably be better for their public image. One of the objections the Committee had to them was the sheer amount of firepower they had access to. It would probably not be wise to remind them that Tony could, and often did, build what the team needed.

“Laying in a pattern now,” Bucky said from the pilot’s seat. “You good?”

“Always,” Tony told him as he activated his armor. “Friday, keep us on comms, let Red know we’re running one more pattern.”

“I’m on comms,” her voice draped over him like she’d wrapped her arms around him. “I’ve got your back. Give me eyes?”

“What I see you will,” he promised then his HUD gave him an image of her in the corner. She grinned at him. “Oh, I see someone’s making themselves comfortable in my lab.”

“Sure are,” Peter said, appearing over her shoulder. “And there are young tender ears present, so let’s keep the flirting to a minimum.”

Laughter spilled over the comms from all directions and Tony grinned. Natasha tweaked Peter’s nose and he grinned.

“Anyway, why are we looking at water?”

“Because we’re just getting started, Kid. The grown-ups are talking, take a seat and let us educate you.”

His snort just made Tony smile, almost as much as Natasha’s roll of the eyes. “We’ve got satellite coverage up and Friday says the drones are responding. You are all good to go. Let’s see if we can catch some fish.”

“You know what catches fish?” Tony asked as he accelerated away from the quinjet. “Depth charges. Drop a couple and boom, you can scoop the fish out with a net.”

“You know what else catches a fish?” Natasha countered.

“Delicately threading bait on a hook and being patient?”

Her smirk delighted him.

“Yeah, well, Red, we both have our strengths. We’re kind of splitting the difference here, anyway.”

‘They call it compromise,” Steve reminded him over the line and Tony grinned. “It’s a good look on you Tony, suggests you’ve really grown.”

“Fair enough, new cover of an old tune. But the old refrain tends to stick out.”

“Yes,” Natasha teased him. “But let’s save the attack plan for once we have an actual target and some answers.”

“Picky, picky, picky.” He was nearly five miles out and ranging wider. All systems scanning. “In position.”

“As am I, Mr. Stark. Sergeant Barnes?”

“Locked and loaded, beginning sweeps.” The pattern would give them the widest circumference of scanning. Readouts played below Nat’s image and he trusted her to catch any glitches while he focused on a firm visual. The sun over the water gleamed. Thankfully, they had mostly clear skies with decent wind.

A storm would just add to the crap of this day.

A flash in the corner of his eye had him adjusting.

“Did you see that?” Natasha asked. “Friday give me quadrant 1021 magnified.”

Tony turned his head, focusing in the direction even as the scans didn’t provide any actionable data. No power surges. No radar anomalies above or below.

No other flash.

“Maybe light off a vessel?” Tony asked. “We picking up on anything out there?”

“No,” Natasha said slowly.

“We’ve got another flash, visual on the naked eye but nothing on instruments.” Bucky’s tone was cool, even. Noting rattled the guy. Made for a great scout. But Tony didn’t like the idea of random flashes without any recognizable source.

“I’m not detecting anything,” Wanda said, her voice less calm. “But I saw that flash, too.”

“As did I,” Sharon confirmed. “Vision, are you picking up on anything on your side?”

The beat of silence was not like the android at all. “Vis?” Wanda said. “Is he out of range?”

No. “Friday get me signal-lock on Vision.”

“Cannot acquire lock. Estimated telemetry is available.”

Technically the quinjet was closer, but Tony was faster.

“Wait for us,” Steve ordered even as Tony kicked in his boosters.

“Aww, c’mon, Cap, you know I like to make an entrance.” And as an aside, “It could just be electromagnetic interference.”

“You can make an entrance with us on your arm,” Steve told him evenly. “And if it’s electromagnetic interference, then you really want backup to be there in case of an EMP.”

He didn’t snort his response. The nano suits were shielded against all EMPs. If Nat hadn’t been in that old suit, she wouldn’t have gone down next to the Tower. So no, he didn’t think so.

Still, he agreed to work together, but he shifted his course to intercept with the quinjet. “Fine, get on track to follow his telemetry. I'll be there in two shakes.”

“Already on it,” Bucky told him. The silence on the comms came even from Natasha. She would be doing scans and reviewing everything through his eyes. That was fine, at least she wasn’t out in this mess.

The clear skies and breezes belied storm or electrical interference. Magnetic? Undetermined. Based on Vision’s last recorded path, he would have been right here, the quinjet flew next to him as Tony descended for a better visual scan as well electronic.

“Boss, I’m not picking up any signal from Vision or his transponder.”

“Was that flash from this direction?”

“It was only a momentary blip on the visual recordings, I have no other evidence supporting it even happened.” Friday sounded damn near apologetic.

“Reverse tracking,” Natasha said. “I think I’ve pinpointed the last place we got his transponder, sending you coordinates.”

“Got them, Doll.” Tension echoed in Bucky’s voice. “Adjusting course now.”

Tony accelerated this time. “Going ahead, better to know what you’re running into.”

Steve sighed, but he didn’t order him back. Yeah, sorry, Cap. This was definitely the time to risk one of them rather than the whole jet. He pulled away, zeroing in on the coordinates.

“You’re going to be on top of his last transponder locations in five,” Natasha counted it down for him. “Four.”

He didn’t see anything out of the ordinary.

“Three.”

Lots and lots of ocean.

“Two.”

A flash, almost like the edge of a lens flare hit the left side of his peripheral vision. Not even considering the why of it, he ducked and dove all the way to the watery deck. Above him, a light seemed to slice right across where he’d been.

Laser?

“Tell me you got that.”

“Just the visual. Can you track where it came from?” No matter how tense the scenario, Natasha always kept her cool.

“No, I got due west. That’s not helpful.” But he studied the sky. The beam was gone. “Bucky, hold back at a good distance here. Whatever this is, I do not want it cutting through the quinjet.”

“We’ve got nothing on the scans, Tony,” Steve answered. “Wanda and Strange are saying they aren’t picking up anything.”

“Nothing here, either, Boss.” Friday’s voice modulation betrayed a certain amount of agitation.

“Full 360, Shellhead.”

For once, Tony didn’t argue, he just did a full pivot. Radar flashed two objects in swift motion coming from the water.

“Drones,” Natasha told him before he could ask. They emerged on either side of him and began a rotating pattern. “Okay, let’s go back and be ready to drop again. I’ve got four more drones incoming. James—keep your distance. We aren’t picking up anything but our own stuff there.”

“We’re maintaining our distance, Doll, but if we’re too far back, we can’t help.”

“I got this covered,” Tony said. “Or I should say Red’s got me covered. You got these guys weapons-hot, Red?”

“What do you think?”

He was pretty sure they’d been fully armed before she deployed them. “Never hurts to ask.”

“Hmm-hmm.”

“Going up.” The HUD shifted to combat mode as he braced for the ascent. Repulsors firing, he angled for the flight ceiling he’d been at before. The flash cut across the corner of his eye and he cut the repulsors at the first hint of light. As he dropped, he fell backwards and had a perfect view of the light cut right through one of the drones.

It vanished.

But the other dropped then began racing west after the source, rolling, he fired the thrusters, locking on the drone even as four more sliced upward out of the water. They arrayed around him. Another flash and a drone dove ahead of him. It vanished even as he peeled to the right.

Adrenaline flooded him.

“Any luck figuring out where this is coming from?”

“Nothing on radar, but it can’t just be coming out of the ether. Stay sharp.”

“Damn, here I thought we’d do a morning cruise at altitude.” The flash dazzled him nearly throwing him off a second before two drones damn near collided in front of him as they intercepted the beam.

Blinking rapidly, he dropped to the lower deck above the water, glancing up in time to see another drone get taken out before the others caught up to him.

“Got them,” Natasha said.

“On our way, Doll.”

“Wait…” Tony said even as the remaining drones accelerated while sticking close to the water. He pursued them before the thought even fully formed. “Do not come in high.”

“Already on the deck,” Bucky said. “What are we looking at? We still aren’t picking anything up on radar.”

“Bigger than a space shuttle,” Natasha answered, her tone tightening.

“Is that a real ship?” Peter said from somewhere behind her.

“Yes, pull up more of the drones. Friday, get ready to deploy more. It’s sheering mine down too fast.”

“En route, Nat.” Friday offered confusing data on the firepower and his HUD kept shifting, looking for something to scan. Even when the Chitauri had come through, he’d been able to get a fix on them. Then between one second and the next, he saw the ripple in the air.

“It’s got a damn cloaking device.” 

“Just on the bottom,” Natasha warned. “You get up above and you can see it. A lot like the old helicarrier model.”

He cursed. “It better not be some repurposed helicarrier. I am so not in the mood for hijacked technology.”

“Yes, dear,” Natasha teased him and he grinned. “Let’s rant about that in a minute, you’re about to be directly under it and I’m going to play distraction. James is almost to your position.”

“Baby Girl, find me a way in.” Because if it was a machine and he could get inside, he could take it apart.

More beams of light split the sky overhead, but they were always streaking out horizontally, none seemed to target a vertical or diagonal.

Tony would take the breaks where he could get them.

A swarm of drones approached from the west and radar showed him another swarm coming from the east.

Natasha was not playing.

Damn, he loved her.

He shot upward toward the belly of the beast as it were, gauging his distance by the faint distortion. It was all eyeball work. Nothing came up on his sensors.

Very.

Very.

Annoying.

He did not like it when other technology obstructed his. Soon as he figured out how it worked, he’d fix that little oversight.

The clunk as his gauntlets encountered metal reverberated through him. The distortion shifted even more as he worked his hands along the underside.

“Scans can’t penetrate the material, Boss.” Tony fired up the laser. Nothing. He could almost hear Jarvis scoffing at him from the past  _ “We’ll lose power before we penetrate the shield, sir.” _

The quinjet raced beneath him and he glanced down at it then whatever the hell was above them.

“Red?”

“There’s a ninety-second delay between discharges. Get into position while I piss it off. Also, we’re going to need more drones.”

“Friday…”

“Activating platform. Launching.”

“Don’t say I never give you anything, Red.”

“It’s still not a pony,” she murmured even as Tony mouthed the words while grinning. He didn’t miss the flash of her smile on the screen, but her intent focus wasn’t on him. “Get ready to move,” she told him all business. “Strafing in three, two… go.”

The flashes split across the sky ahead of him and he shot along the underside with the quinjet following him up and twisting as they reached the edge. Once up, he fought the shock hitting him. It was probably the ugliest thing he’d ever seen. The vessel seemed composed of lava rock, distorted and twisted. It didn’t even look aerodynamic with its jagged peaks and valleys along the surface. A bruise against the sky and unmistakable now that he was above it. Drones swarmed around him in a flood.

“Fight now, gawk later,” Natasha said in his ear and it registered that the movement on the surface of the vessel wasn’t just the drones. There were people—though that might be a questionable term—rushing out of openings.

“Shit,” he swore when something impacted against his armor and he tumbled sideways, pivoting in mid-air, he stabilized, got a visual lock and fired. The missile struck one of the rocky like beings and shattered it into pebbles.

That was strangely satisfying.

Above a strobe of light began to form.

“On the deck,” he ordered as he dropped down. The quinjet followed even as a tornado of drones swirled toward the gathering light. A half dozen of them vanished even as Tony landed and engaged one of the rock creatures directly. Nothing about them seemed that humanoid. Maybe more anthropomorphized considering the rocks had faces.

Sorta.

Even as he cataloged and discarded a dozen ideas, he kept searching for a way inside. “Gonna go for one of those tunnels belching these guys out.”

“We’re right behind you.” Steve’s voice sounded much closer than the comms and the shield winging past him to slice through one rock creature’s head and shattering it gave him Steve’s location.

“Armor up, Cap,” he suggested before heading toward the direction the rock beings emerged from. He was all for rock and roll, but this was ridiculous. “Watch your six.”

“I got it,” Bucky announced a split-second before rapid-fire spewed out of the SAW, Tony spared a glance in the direction of one of the Rubble Monsters before it vaporized under the heavy artillery.

“Oh, that works.” Targeting systems acquired several more and he sent out a dozen mini-rockets to clear the path.

“Sharon, Strange, hold the jet,” Steve directed. “Sam, Wanda go east, bottleneck that access port. Bucky with Tony.”

“And where are you going?” Bucky asked.

“I’m taking the tower.”

“I’ll take the tower, thank you very much,” Natasha said over the comms. “There’s a lot more of me.”

Steve chuckled. “Fine, sound off if you need help. On your six, Tony. Everyone keep your heads on a swivel.”

Tony knocked out two more of the boulder guys. “Well, at least these folks don’t seem much smarter than a box of rocks.”

There was a downbeat. Then an upbeat.

The groans were perfect and he grinned. When he reached the portal, it was some kind of rocky hatchway and he gripped one side of it as Bucky was suddenly there and between them, they yanked it open. Cap, armored up, with his shield took point.

The interior was like spelunking in Hell. The heat swelling from the interior threatened to cook Tony in his armor before his systems started compensating. When the HUD scrambled, he swore.

“Red, you still reading us?”

They weren’t even a dozen feet inside. Bucky slowed and shot him a look. If the heat was too much for him, his expression didn’t change. “Signals can’t penetrate in here. Definitely smells like the ass end of something.”

“Always smells worse on the inside.” Not for the first time, he appreciated the fact he had CO2 scrubbers built into his suit.

“There’s also no more hostiles,” Steve said, his tone guarded. All three of them did a visual scan. They’d been pouring out of here, a non-stop stream, and now none?

It made no sense.

“Nothing about this deal makes sense.” It seemed to be getting worse all the time. “Drop back to the hatch entrance and keep it open?” It was a question as much as a request and he focused on Bucky. “Maybe we can relay that way?”

Bucky shot a glance at Steve who nodded.

“Fine, don’t do anything stupid,” he said to both of them and Steve snorted.

“Can’t. You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

Tony didn’t roll his eyes or snort a laugh. It wasn’t his joke, even if it was a damn funny one.

Except Bucky just grinned. “That’s okay, you gotta take Stark.”

“Hey,” Tony countered and both men laughed. “I resemble that remark.”

Holding position, Tony waited for Bucky to make it to the entrance. Whatever fighting continued outside, the sound didn’t reach them.

“Copy us, Buck?” Steve asked and Tony spared a single glance back to where Bucky stood framed next to the entrance.

“Loud and clear.”

Tony made it two more steps before the whole thing began to shake.

“And we may have a problem,” Bucky said, gunfire drowned out his next words. The whole thing rocked and Steve gripped him before Tony could tumble off the walkway. Locking down his boots, he braced Steve for the next “quake.” Seismic activity on a flying, invisible, boulder that shot disintegration rays.

Why wasn’t that weirder than it was?

“You got it?” Steve asked, but Tony missed the answer as the corridor ahead of them rumbled like the whole thing was shaking and a dozen of those boulder creatures stormed toward them.

“Party of twelve, your exit is right here,” he said, lighting them up.

“Steve…” The cut in the words yanked Tony around even as the boulder boys exploded.

The blast that rocked the entrance staggered them both, but when the smoke cleared…

“Oh shit.”

No Bucky.

Steve was already running and Tony fired two more missiles behind them before he raced after him. The rocky deck was in flames, great gouts of belching out of the top of the ship. The swarm of drones had been diminished to a handful.

The blackened spot where Bucky had been gave them no clues and Steve whipped his head around even as Tony scanned

“Baby Girl, where is everyone?” Cause it wasn’t just Bucky he didn’t see.

No Sam.

No Sharon.

The quinjet had been sheared in half.

Wanda burst out of one of the rocks, her eyes alight and her hands glowing as she pulled apart more of the rock soldiers and then in a flash.

She disappeared.

“Boss, you need to get out of there…” Friday’s voice punched through his comms in a lot of static. “Falling… fast… Impact coming.”

“Everyone sound off. Now.” Steve had a hand to his ear but there was nothing, just the sky moving and the fire belching.

They were free-falling.

“Boss… terminal… velocity…”

Swearing, Tony fired up the repulsors and seized Steve. “Gotta go. Strange if you can hear me, get anyone off who is with you. Sound off, people.”

Instead of helping him, Steve struggled but Tony ignored the fist that slammed into his shoulder. “I’m not leaving them.”

Static on the lines.

“…three…”

They didn’t have time for this, he dragged Steve skyward even as he scanned everywhere. The central tower dangled precariously, half-sheared off, but the minute it started to pulse, ice flooded his veins.

Steve continued to fight him. But it wasn’t like Tony wanted to leave anyone, he just couldn’t find them. If that thing fired.

“Steve…”

“…two…”

“Don’t you dare,” Steve bellowed at him, but Tony threw him clear anyway. They were over the ocean. Steve could take that fall.

“…one…”

But not the detonation.

Everything went white.

~~~

“Steve!” Tony lurched upward, the armor spilling over him and he slammed his fist forward. It impacted against a metal hand and then another hand slammed him backward.

No, he had to get back. All systems armed, combat HUD illuminated and then… his armor froze.

“Tony,” Natasha’s voice in his ear. He blinked slowly.

“Red?”

“Easy, Tony, you’re on the quinjet. We just completed the last sweeps. You fell asleep waiting for the last run. Stephen was about to open the portal to bring you back to the city.”

The attack…

Tipping his head back, he focused on Steve and Bucky, both of whom strained to keep him down and Wanda was just behind them, wide-eyed and worried with Strange just ahead of her with glowing shields around his hands.

“Tony, focus on my voice. No one else can hear me right now, just you. Friday told them I’m talking to you. Your pulse is through the roof, I need you to calm down and to breathe.”

“There was no attack?”

It was like sorting his thoughts out after being electrocuted.

“No, deadly dull is how you described this. You didn’t find anything.”

“You’re sure?” Tony coughed to try and clear his throat. “This isn’t some trick after I got zapped into an alternate dimension on some alien ship right out of the Mandarin’s hellscape packed full of rock monsters?”

“No, I promise Tony. You were asleep. It was a dream…”

“Nightmare.”

They were all gone. He was about to be gone, but he got Steve to safety. Relatively speaking. He hadn’t been able to save Bucky for her, but he managed to throw Steve clear.

“You with us again?”

He stopped fighting and tried to get his rigid muscles to relax. The pressure on the armor eased up and he read the relief in Steve’s face and then in Bucky’s. Embarrassment flooded him. He’d freaked out in front of everyone. Suddenly Wanda touched Strange’s arm and the pair disappeared from his line of sight as he sagged back against the bench seats he’d apparently crashed on.

“You with us?” Bucky repeated Natasha’s question and Tony gave him a small nod.

“Need a minute.”

As one they released him and Bucky straightened. He and Steve shared a look then Bucky nodded and moved away. “Let’s go, Sam, you can fly us back.”

Steve moved until he was between Tony and everyone else. Touching the arc reactor, Tony retracted the armor and moved to sit up, elbows on his knees and head down. His breathing came in swift little pants.

“You want to use the locker?” The quiet question was barely audible, but Tony appreciated the offer. It was a space he could go and shut the rest of them out. But they were heading back…right?

“Red?”

“I’m still here,” she told him. “You’re coming home. All of you. Petya went to get the pizza delivery.”

Tony nodded once even if she couldn’t see him.

“Going through the portal,” Bucky said over his shoulder. The sensation of his stomach dropping wasn’t as severe inside the quinjet, but it was still present.

Glancing up, he found Steve standing guard but not staring at him. At Tony’s look, he met his gaze and gave him a small smile.

Yeah, Steve looked fine. No armor. No signs of barely surviving an explosion.

“Where’s Vision?”

“He’s flying alongside, Boss,” Friday told him. “He had just finished his sweep a moment before you woke.”

“Okay.”

No one said anything as the quinjet came in to land.

“I’ll take care of everyone,” Steve offered.

“Thanks.” He needed to be a part of the debrief, they had a lot of data that told them nothing to go over. There might be something, but right now, he really didn’t want to deal with people.

As soon as the ramp opened, he was down it and heading toward the penthouse doors. If he started talking, he’d likely go into deflect mode. Throw out a few insults and piss people off so they looked the other way. No one on the team needed that. 

The icy chill of New York cut right through him. He hadn’t even realized he’d been sweating until the cold hit him. Inside the penthouse, he headed straight up the stairs for his room and closed the door.

“Give me some privacy, Baby Girl, if they come looking tell them I’ll be down in a bit. Even Pete.”

“Will do, Boss. Giving you some privacy.”

Scrubbing his hands against his face, he debated the fact that Natasha had dumped all his alcohol. So a shower would have to suffice.

Pivoting, he jerked to a halt at the sight of Natasha leaning against the wall between his closet and his bathroom.

“I was still in the lab,” she told him in that soft, raspy voice of hers that sanded away some of the broken edges gouging into him. “Do you want me to go?”

Did he want her to…

Crossing the room, he headed right for her and she met him halfway. He crashed into her and wrapped his arms around her and buried his face against her neck. Natasha stroked his back, her grip on him fierce.

“What do you need?” she asked after a long moment while Tony tried to get his thoughts in order. Fucking realistic nightmare.

He shook his head a little, not quite trusting his voice.

“Okay,” she whispered. “We’ll just stand here for a minute, then I’m going to take you in there and put you in the shower. Sound good?”

He nodded once. Mute. Where the hell were his quips? Then he could only see the blackened spot where Bucky had been. The fact Wanda vanished right in front of him. The team was gone. It was him and Steve and he’d thrown Steve clear.

Then…

He’d what? Died?

He didn’t know.

A long shudder shook him from head to toe and Natasha stroked her fingers through his hair. His disgusting, sweat-dampened hair.

“Fuck, I’m sniveling all over you. Hardly sexy.”

“I don’t know,” she murmured, stroking his hair back. “You don’t smell like a five-day rotting corpse, I’ve definitely seen you worse.”

“Not sure that makes me feel better, Red.”

“Doesn’t make you feel worse though, does it?”

If he really thought about it, no, it kind of didn’t.

“Fine,” he admitted. Then lifted his head so he could look at her. The gentleness in those eyes rocked him almost as much as the awareness in them. “It was just a nightmare.”

“There’s nothing  _ just _ about our darkest dreams, moy umnyy. We’re both far too intimately acquainted with those horrors locked away inside of us.” She curved her hand against his cheek.

His shoulders sagged as she stroked her thumb against his lower lip.

“And you look like crap.”

“I love you, too,” he murmured and she grinned.

“I know. You love me enough to take a shower?”

“I dunno, do I have to take it by myself?”

Natasha laughed. “I’ll keep you company, but if you need me to keep you upright, I can take it with you.”

As tempting as that was, he needed to get the shakes under control. As humiliating as it had once been to realize Natasha had scraped his drunk ass up off the floor and cleaned him up when he’d vomited all over himself, the last thing he wanted was to have her naked in a hot shower while he broke down in tears.

“Just your company is enough,” he admitted, then indulged himself by cupping her face. “Everyone came back, Red.”

“I know.”

“I thought…” His eyes burned. “I thought for a minute there I’d let you down. That I’d lost them. Tried to get Steve clear and then it all… then I woke up and a part of me thought I was still fighting and…”

He couldn’t get the words out, but she pressed a kiss to his palm, before catching his hands in hers and tugging him into the bathroom. With her foot, she pushed the door closed.

“Friday, get the shower going, 42 degrees Celsius please then resume privacy mode.” She framed the ARC reactor with her hands and raised her brows. He nodded to the unspoken question and she removed it before she slid her hands to the hem of his shirt.

“It was so fucking real,” he admitted and tried to explain to her what they’d found and how the fight had gone down. When she knelt to pull off his shoes, he gripped the counter. Belatedly it occurred to him, he could undress himself. “Really? You’re pulling off my pants and this is really just not sexy at all.”

“Shh,” she whispered and brushed a kiss to his lips, it was a whisper of a touch. Barely there and yet he felt it everywhere. “Let me take care of you while you get that beautiful mind of yours sorted out.”

“Okay,” he conceded. “But only because you admire my brain.”

“I do,” she promised, the warmth of a smile in every word.

When she tugged his pants down, she took the boxers with them and then he was cold all over. The shivers hit and Natasha was closing the distance and hugging him. He leaned into her, desperate for the contact and the heat.

“I thought I lost them,” he admitted. It was nearly as bad as the vision Wanda had given him. Natasha had been here, safe and sound. Except… “I wanted to save them, Red,” he promised. “But I wasn’t fast enough. I threw Steve off… but I don’t know if I made it.”

“I do,” she told him, her lips at his ear. “You’re right here, can you feel me?”

He spread his hands against her back, face pressed against her hair and he waited a moment before the steady cadence of her heart echoed beneath his palm.

“Yeah,” he said slowly. “I can feel you.”

“Good. Now, in the shower with you.”

He tightened his arms.

“I’m not going anywhere, moy umnyy. I’ll sit right here on the counter and watch. I’ll be here to hug you when you get out.”

Forcing himself to loosen his grip a little, he lifted his head and went for the cocky smile. “But next time we do this… you’re going to be naked in there with me, deal?”

The corner of her mouth curved and his whole body responded to that smile. “Deal.” When she pinched his ass he gave a little jolt and then a laugh escaped him.

“Did you seriously just do that?”

“Hmm-hmm. I promise you can return the favor the next time I’m naked.” She winked and a real laugh threaded through him. Cupping her face, he kissed her soundly. The intense contact steadied him as she parted her lips just slightly. And as tempting an invitation as that was, Natasha deserved a lot more than him wrecked trying to sort out his damaged state in her arms.

She pinched him again and he jerked back. “Ow.”

“Stop beating up on yourself,” she murmured, then tapped his nose. “That’s my job. Shower. Then if you’re up for it, food.”

“There’s a debrief…”

“That can wait. It’s been a long frustrating day, you need some friends, some family, and to let us—let me take care of you.”

He paused at that and studied her. She meant it and his heart clenched. “I’m not so good at letting people do that.”

“Good thing for you, I don’t care what you let me do or not. I just do it anyway.”

Well, she had him there.

Blowing out a breath, he made himself let her go and headed for the shower. After ducking his head under the hot spray, he stole a look out to find her exactly where she promised—sitting on the counter.

“Red?”

“Hmmm?”

“Thank you.”

She smiled. “Always.”

He ducked into the shower and let the water wash over him. They were all back. Natasha was here. Everyone was safe. 

It was just a nightmare.

Just.

A.

Nightmare.

Still, he couldn’t shake the dread even if every time he glanced over, she was still there, waiting for him. 

  
  
  
  



	29. I'm Still Standing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little team bonding and some one on one Nat and Tony time and planning.

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

_ I’m Still Standing _

**Natalia/Natasha**

By the time Tony was ready to go down to eat, Friday reported that everyone had moved down to Steve’s floor for food. Tony hesitated and Natalia interlaced her fingers with his. “Do you want to stay up here? I can go steal some pizza or make you something?”

Even with his hair damp from the shower, freshly shaven and dressed in a clean t-shirt and sweats, he was still far too pale. His pupils weren’t quite as blown and his pulse no longer raced. The tachycardia he’d exhibited had set off alarms and Friday had locked down the armor even as Natalia reached out to him.

“I do, but I won’t,” he said in a too weary voice.

“Tony,” she said, leaning against the back of the sofa. “They would understand if you wanted to wait until tomorrow.”

“Pete’s down there, Red. And…” He shuffled and glanced down. It was rare to see Tony flustered much less embarrassed. “They saw me freak out.”

“Sam deals with vets every day who have similar issues,” she told him evenly. “Steve and Bucky have both been there and so have I. Wanda’s not going to judge you. The fact the two of you have managed to repair the strained relationship between you has made her far more loyal and understanding.” Reaching up with her free hand, she brushed some of the hair away from his forehead. “Stephen’s a doctor.”

He shifted his weight from foot to foot. “Just… I should have better control, you know?”

“I do.” The ring on his hand felt warm against her fingers. “You know, nightmares have a way of jarring loose those pieces of ourselves we wish that they wouldn’t. It’s unsettling. Sometimes, I don’t want to deal with people at all. I go and I dance.”

“Until you make your feet bleed.” Disapproval twisted with understanding in his voice. “Or we sat up and got drunk together.”

She chuckled. “Sometimes we were just getting drunker.”

“That’s true, though you have a hell of a time with that. Never stopped you from indulging me, though.”

“I like hanging out with you, Tony. With or without the alcohol.”

Pulling her hand to his lips, he brushed a kiss to her knuckles. “I like hanging out with you, too. I’ll be honest, I think you’re my second favorite super-secret spy.”

She raised her eyebrows.

“Bond’s got you by this much.” He held the thumb and forefinger together on his free hand, a bare centimeter apart. “I mean, he really did get all the babes.” Pale, shaky, and trying to crack jokes. Definitely fighting to recover.

She could work with that.

“Maybe,” she agreed. “Except I look fabulous in a bikini, drink something that isn’t watered down, and trust me, I can please more babes in a night than he can.” She winked and he gulped.

Visibly.

“You know, now that I’m thinking about it…”

Natalia chuckled as she headed for the elevator. “You’re going to be thinking about that all the way through food and debriefing, aren’t you?”

“Yep,” he admitted. “I’m absolutely shameless that way.”

Once inside the elevator, he pressed his forehead to the side of her head.

“If I start to freak out again…”

“I’m right here,” she whispered. “You just hang on to me. We’ll eat, visit, then make a strategic withdrawal.”

He sucked in a deep breath as the elevator slowed, but the doors didn’t open. Friday was giving him time. Natalia didn’t rush him, she just stroked the inside of his wrist.

“Okay,” he said again. “I got this.” Lifting his head, he blew out a breath. “You ready, Mrs. Stark?”

The corner of her mouth kicked up. “I’m very ready, Mr. Stark.”

“Showtime, Baby Girl.” The transformation wouldn’t be believed by many, but it wasn’t her first time seeing him shutter away the shaky, pale man still haunted by a nightmare for one with careless ease, armed to the teeth with sarcasm and ready to wield it.

The doors dinged as they opened and Tony took lead this time, glancing at her. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten you invited a houseguest to stay at the Tower and this right after the honeymoon. One would think you’re getting bored of me already.”

She snorted.

Steve glanced over at them from where he stood in the kitchen and grinned. She winked at him even as James caught her from the side and pressed a kiss to her cheek and then behind her ear. “We couldn’t get rid of them,” he murmured softly and she chuckled.

“It’s all right,” she said, giving him a quick visual scan. Not a mark on him. That didn’t have to mean he hadn’t seen action. She’d seen him tear through dozens before without them getting a shot off or close enough to touch him.

Still…

He looked good and that relaxed some tension. Looking to the kitchen again, she caught Steve’s gaze.

When he flicked a look to Tony, she nodded once and Steve blew out a breath. They were all worried about him.

“I’ll get the pizza for you,” Tony said.

“Hey, Mrs. Stark,” Sam teased as he set his plate aside and rose. The look James favored him with was far from friendly. Steve only sighed but it was Tony who responded before she could.

“Red’s still got a name, Wilson. Don’t give her shit.”

“Damn,” Sam said, putting a fist over his heart. “Was just teasing her.”

She squeezed Tony’s hand. “It’s fine, Sam. Everyone’s a little tired.”

“Yeah,” Tony murmured. “I’ll get the pizza.” He repeated his earlier statement and headed for the kitchen. Wanda and Peter were crowded together on one of the oversized chairs. He shot her a worried look, but she shook her head as she turned to Sam.

“Think I can hug the bride without getting shanked?” Sam seemed split between glancing at Tony and then at James.

“I don’t know, how’s your training been going the last few months?” At her question, Sam grinned wider.

“It’s gonna get better if you’re back to kick my ass.” He wrapped her up in a hug and she chuckled.

“You say that now, then all I hear is ‘ow,’ ‘what’s wrong with you,’ and ‘someone was mean to you once, weren’t they?’” She recited off a litany of a few of his favorite remarks.

“Girl,” Sam chastised. “You’re gonna get me killed.”

“Nah,” she said, leaning back and patting his cheek. “I still like you.”

James snorted and Sam grinned before slinging his arm around her shoulders. “Ha.”

The baleful look James gave him just made Natalia laugh and she slipped an arm around James’ waist. “In fact, James would be perfect to help get you into shape for our sparring.”

James’ grin grew and Sam’s eyes widened.

“Um…”

“You two really do need to learn to get along and since Steve put me in charge of that. I expect both of you in the gym at the compound the next time I’m out there.”

“And here I thought you liked me.”

“Oh, she does,” James said with a much happier expression. “Natalia just likes me more.”

More laughter erupted and Sharon tipped a bottle of beer in Natalia’s direction. “You look good, Nat. Really. And you and I have a date for sparring first. Or you know after you put Sam through his paces. I know you have the stamina.”

“Damn. Why are you doing me that way?” Sam mock-glared at her and Sharon gave him a little shrug.

“I like her more, too.”

Natalia chuckled then leaned up to give James a quick kiss even as she tapped out she planned to stay with Tony that evening and he gave her a swift nod. The little he tapped in response included wanting a briefing on what happened with Maria. With a quick acknowledgement, she loosened her hold on both men as Tony returned with a plate overflowing with six pieces of pizza.

“Do I look like Steve?” she had to ask and Steve laughed as he followed.

“Not even, Angel. You’re much prettier.”

“Though, you were about her height once upon a time,” James remarked.

Rolling her eyes, Natalia poked Steve and then gave him a quick once over. They’d all changed out of their gear, even Sam and Sharon. Comfortable clothes all the way around.

Good.

Tony bumped her hip and she followed him over to the sofa. They all crowded in together and she ended up sandwiching between Tony and Steve while James settled on the floor in front of her.

That worked.

“We’re going to make this a quick debrief,” Steve said without ceremony as Natalia took her first bite of pizza. Though she waited until Tony took a bite of his own before she focused on the room. Peter and Wanda both hid smirks when she caught them staring. Giving them a pointed look, she didn’t smirk at their matching blushes or how they shifted just a little bit apart.

“Well, we didn’t find anything,” Sharon pointed out. “So there’s really not much to debrief.”

“Agreed,” Steve said. “But it’s what we didn’t find that gives us more data.” He slid a look at her.

She grinned. “It’s always good to know you do listen to me,” she teased and he bumped her shoulder lightly.

“Whatever this is, it’s not a natural phenomenon and despite current theory, I want to think it’s  _ not _ an alien one.”

Tony gave the barest of jerks next to her and she pressed her thigh against his more firmly. When he dropped a hand to rest on her leg she leaned into him. The faint tremor of his fingers eased a fraction as he held on. James put his hand over her foot. He’d noticed Tony’s tremor too, but he kept his shoulders steady and his focus on the others.

“Why not aliens?” Peter asked. “I mean, it’s not like you haven’t dealt with them before.”

“Because there is a certain predictability about natural phenomena. Arguably, I agree sentience is driving this, very little bounces around and makes whole vessels just vanish without some kind of evidence.”

“And it’s not the kind of behavior you’d expect from an invading force.” Natalia couldn’t discount it entirely, however. 

“But there were aliens at Area 51, right? You know the kind that kidnaps you for experimentation? There are all those stories.”

Despite the earnestness of the question, everyone stared at Peter including James.

“Well,” Sharon said slowly. “I don’t think conspiracy theories are where we want to go with this.”

They needed to get off aliens.

“But…”

“There are no aliens at Area 51,” Natalia told Peter. “I’ve been there. I also hacked their mainframe twice.”

Tony dug his fingers in and then said, “True, I did that when I was fifteen and then again a few years ago. That was all weather satellites and stealth crafts.”

There had been an alien at the Guest House and at least two she knew of that showed up at Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S at different locations. Then there was the formless. Thor and Loki were also aliens.

Then there was that whole mess in Siberia…

Siberia.

Natalia blinked. The conversation continued around her as Tony managed to tease Peter and Steve groaned before getting them back on track. But in Siberia, there’d been an alien craft of some kind that crashed when she’d been training out there.

It had been in the late fifties. James had been on another mission, she’d been sent to deal with some of the brass getting in the way of Department X taking control of the site.

“Fine,” Steve said after a moment. “We can’t totally discount aliens. However, at the moment, I think we should concentrate on more terrestrial threats.”

“Maybe with alien tech?” Sam frowned. “You guys have seen that stuff before. Hydra taking off with Chitauri weaponry.”

“There are other issues to be considered, too. Stephen can make a whole vessel vanish. Maybe not all at once but if he sent it through a portal,” Natalia offered while still turning the memory over. She’d discarded that memory along with so many others.

But there had been a ship of some kind.

She’d seen it…  _ once. _

This really needed to  _ not  _ be aliens.

“You don’t think it’s Doctor Strange,” Wanda argued.

“No,” Natalia said firmly. “But Stephen isn’t the only wizard.” There was Wong and while she liked him, there were other sanctums and others they trained with. Only a fool would think there was only one.

Wanda frowned at her hands. “But he would have mentioned something to that effect, wouldn’t he?”

“If we thought it was one of us, we wouldn’t volunteer that information,” James said. “Not until it had been thoroughly vetted.”

“And even then, right now, we’d take care of it ourselves.” Tony’s breathing had calmed and he’d begun to eat again, but she kept up the pressure along his side.

“And even then, right now, we’d take care of it ourselves.” Tony’s breathing had calmed and he’d begun to eat again, but she kept up the pressure along his side.

“Agreed,” Steve said. “But we’re getting distracted. I don’t want to speculate about what we think it is, I want to eliminate what we’ve identified it’s not.”

While that list was still short, it was useful.

“For now,” Sharon said. “The biggest issue is that we’re in a wait and see pattern. Will it happen again where we’ve seeded the drones? Will that give us more info? What if it moves to another location? This is going to get tricky.”

“It is what it is,” Natalia said. “It’s a mystery and a puzzle. You can’t solve a puzzle with a hammer.”

“Ouch, Angel,” Steve said and she grinned at him.

“Thor is the hammer.”

He grunted, but the corners of his lips twitched. “I’ll accept that deflection for now.”

Tony snickered and some of the tension in the room eased.

“All we can do is stay proactive, but this isn’t a direct confrontation,” Steve continued. “Not yet.”

There wasn’t much more to say on that particular subject.

“Peter,” James asked. “Are you staying at the Tower tonight?”

Natalia flicked a look at him and Peter raised his brows. “If that’s okay with Mom and you? And if Wanda wanted, she could sleepover, too.”

Sam hid a smile and Sharon studiously kept her expression as neutral as possible.

Wanda froze for a split-second as her gaze collided with Natalia’s. “She’s always welcome,” she said gently. “She has her own floor.”

Peter’s hopeful expression crashed a little. “Still, that means she could hang out.”

“I would,” Wanda said carefully. “But I have training with Doctor Strange early tomorrow.”

“Oh.”

“But after… maybe I could come back here? We could hang out in the afternoon. Maybe bribe Nat into a training session.”

“Yeah,” Sam said. “That’s what we want to do. Bribe Nat into kicking our asses.”

“You don’t have to pay me, Sam,” Natalia grabbed the baton he handed off to pull the attention off the awkwardness between the kids. “I’ll happily do it for free.”

“I’ll help,” James volunteered and everyone laughed, even Tony.

Eventually, Wanda elected to head back to the Compound but promised she’d be back the next day. Everyone was tired and they’d been at it for hours. Eventually, Sam, Sharon, and Wanda left but Natalia promised to give Sharon a call the next day if she didn’t show up for sparring, too,

That could be fun.

“Movie?” Peter asked.

“We can,” James said. “But I think we’re going to excuse Tony and Natalia.”

“Yeah, if you don’t mind,” Tony said, easing forward at the offer. “Red and I need to talk.”

“What’s up?” Peter asked.

“The reception,” Natalia answered easily. “Unfortunately that particular show must go on and if we have to have a party, we might as well have one we enjoy.”

Steve brushed his knuckles down her arm. “You don’t have to have anything.”

“Yeah,” Tony said with a wry grin. “We kind of have to. But I agree with Red, we’ll make it something we can enjoy.”

He carried his empty plate along with James’ and headed to the kitchen. When Peter followed, Natalia glanced at Steve. She’d already talked to James, but…

“You’re going to stay with him tonight,” Steve said softly.

She nodded. “You okay with that?” It was better to be sure.

“I’ll miss you, but…” He glanced at the kitchen where Peter filled Tony in at a mile a minute on something from school. For his part, even weary, Tony focused on him. That right there would have told her how much Tony cared even if she didn’t already know. “He needs you right now. He talked to you about it?”

“Some. Just… some dreams throw you.”

“Yeah,” Steve murmured. “They do.” He cupped her chin and she leaned in and pressed a kiss against his lips. “Try to get some sleep tonight.”

“You too. Don’t let Peter talk you into marathoning a series of movies.”

“We’ll verify how many there are, Doll,” James said, before she leaned down to kiss him and he gave her an indulgent smile. “You good?”

“I’m good. Had a good meeting with Isaiah and I’ll fill you in on that tomorrow, okay?”

“So he’s still your lawyer?” There was a bit of amusement.

“Yes, with a few solid caveats now.” Then she got herself another pair of kisses before climbing up. Peter wrapped her up in a quick hug before she headed to the elevator with Tony.

It was a little strange to leave them on the floor, that much she could admit but the fact Tony all but sagged when the doors closed confirmed it was the right call.

At the cliff house, he’d begun to truly relax around Steve and James, but with Peter there and so raw off that dream, he needed his own armor around him and that meant his room, his penthouse behind his walls.

They could do that.

Once in the penthouse, Tony paced restlessly toward the empty bar and then away. Natalia tracked him as he dragged his fingers through his hair. “Maybe you should go back down tonight,” he said.

“I’m fine right where I am.”

“I’m not really good company.”

“I didn’t come up to be entertained.”

Tony pivoted to stare at her. “Red…”

Whatever he planned to say, he seemed to swallow and then tilted his head back. “This is the worst part of not drinking.”

“When you want to make it stop.”

He nodded a little. “Just… drink until I go numb and then sometimes I can cut it off.”

“The curse of being a problem solver,” she murmured.

“Don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not. Part of my job—part of my training was to examine every aspect of a problem, what could I do to prevent it, encourage it, make it worse.”

At his frown, she gave a little shrug then walked over to the living room and rolled over the back of the sofa to land on it.

“Tony, you live to fix the problems you encounter.”

Staring down at her, he folded his arms. “And when I can’t solve them?”

“You tear yourself apart. So… let’s focus on what we  _ can _ solve right now.”

“Not much,” he complained then grimaced. “Seriously, Red, go back to Steve and Bucky tonight. At least you could probably get some sleep then.”

“You just keep trying to get rid of me. Got a bottle stashed somewhere? Or do you just want to brood in peace and quiet? If that’s the case, I don’t mind going for the latter. But you’re not drinking alone if you plan to go down that route.”

Scowling, he moved over to the sofa and lifted her feet before sitting again and setting her feet in his lap. “You don’t have to sound so reasonable about it when I know you don’t want me drinking.”

“Tony, you didn’t stop drinking for me,” she told him as he tugged her socks off one at a time. Her toenails were still the Ironman red he’d painted them. “I’d remind you that you stopped drinking before you looped Clint and Steve into your hunt for me.”

He studied her toes, then her feet carefully. Probably looking for bruising. She hadn’t danced enough to do that to herself today. Still scowling, though, he worked his thumbs against the arch of her right foot. The pressure was just the right side of intense and she resisted the urge to close her eyes.

What she wanted to do was take care of him, but what he seemed to need was to take care of her. It was a fine balance.

“To be honest,” he said. “If I could have dumped Steve in London, I would have.”

The corner of her mouth twitched. “And you were such bosom buddies bursting through that door together.”

“Ha.” Then he shot her a look. “What happened that next morning… in Steve’s room when you slipped.”

Natalia sighed. “Do you want to know or do you need to know?”

It seemed like ancient history and yesterday in the same breath.

“Maybe a little bit of both.” Sliding a sideways look at her, he added, “And maybe avoiding the reception talk.”

Curling her toes, she closed her eyes and let him massage her foot. “Steve wanted to ask me about James’ journals. He’d found references to me in there and a part of him worried that I’d lied to him again or at least intentionally withheld that I’d known his best friend while he’d been searching for him. Particularly after I warned him off pulling that thread.”

Tony grunted.

“And I gave him hell for what happened in Siberia.”

At the sudden cessation of his movements, she waited him out.

“You always have my back, Red.”

She smiled. “That’s my plan.”

When he began rubbing her foot again, she tilted her head back.

“Reception,” he said. “We talked about some of it with the guys and we’ll need to go over more of it. But here, in the Tower, Friday’s already got the ballroom floors ready to go. I’m thinking a fire and ice theme.”

She snorted.

“I look fantastic in a white tuxedo,” he reminded her. “You look good in anything.”

“Evening party, I’m assuming?”

“Yep, but cocktails and hors d’oeuvres. No dinner.”

She could live with that. “Wedding cake?”

He stilled again. “I hadn’t thought of that. Would you want one?”

Cracking an eyelid open, she met his worried gaze. “Depends, will it have a sweet cream center?”

“It can have whatever you want in it.” Then a real smile began to creep across his face. “But the bride and groom are gonna have to be Iron Man and Black Widow.”

She rolled her eyes, barely restraining her own smile at his glee.

“We could add the other Avengers to the cake, at different layers. Put Steve and Bucky up near the top because… well, they should be included. Barnes is probably the last name you should have had and you already went by Rogers.” When he scraped his teeth over his lower lip, she rolled upward and tugged her feet from his hands so she could straddle his lap and then looped her arms around his neck as he fell against the sofa back and stared up at her.

“James and Steve didn’t like this any more than we did. This isn’t about one-upping anyone or trying to be who we were supposed to be. I can’t look back and count out every regret. I’d go mad.”

Tony stared at her eyes as he settled his hands on her waist. Finally, he nodded and said, “It’s hard not to regret it, Red. I never thought we’d get here. Now we’re putting on a show. Trust me, I have that part. At the same time…”

“You want it to be real and not the cover story.”

“Don’t hate me.”

“I couldn’t hate you,” she told him honestly. “Trust me, Tony, you might be one of the most annoying people when you put your mind to it. You create epic messes that sometimes take all of us to clean up. You’ve definitely made needling others into a fine art.”

“Wow, Red, tell me how you really feel.”

“You’re also one of the few people in this world that I truly trust.” The shock in his eyes made her a little sad. After all this time, he should  _ know _ that but she’d tell him as often as it took to sink in. “For the longest time, it was just James and I, then they took that away and it was me. I love Logan, he’s a brother and a savior, if I need someone I know I can call him. Then I met Clint. Because of that, eventually, I met you and Steve and then I found James again. Now we have Peter. Tony, I trust you. I will always have your back.”

“Even if I make you go to functions like fancy dress parties and we have to hit board meetings like a dynamic power couple?”

“Eh, you make good arm candy,” she told him. For a moment, his mouth opened then he snapped it closed.

His outrage gave way to smugness. “I can definitely live with that. So wedding cake it is. Some dancing, some toasting and a guest list of friends, dignitaries, and corporate asshats.”

Gaze dipping to her lips, he leaned forward and she obliged by narrowing the distance. “Press?”

“Ugh.” He groaned and flopped his head back. “If you say Christine Everhart…”

“She’s effective, Tony.”

“She’s  _ irritating _ .”

“But she has wide-audience appeal, stellar ratings, and incredible instincts. If we sell her, we sell everyone.”

“You know I slept with her.” The dry comment made her grin. “She is not my greatest fan.”

“Well, since you’re not intending to sleep with her again, I don’t see how her being a fan is an issue—unless you really want to and I might be able to help you out there.”

He pinched her side. “Don’t you dare. Wait.” He stared at her a beat. “Have you slept with her?”

“Tempting,” Natalia teased him. “But alas, no.”

“Good. We have enough of your lovers hanging out…” He chuckled. “Actually, speaking of ex-lovers, what’s up with Maria?”

Stroking his nape, she filled him in on the explosion and Maria’s injuries, as well as her slip about the fact the new director of SHIELD was not Nick. His lips compressed at that announcement. For now, she kept Molot Boga to herself.

“There’s a little more, but we can go over that with Steve and James tomorrow.” She wanted them all aware but Tony had enough on his plate, if she mentioned Boga, he’d be hitting his lab and facial recognition scans. His need to fix things was riding him hard at the moment.

With a grunt, he nodded. “She doesn’t know about Pete, right?”

“Just that he’s your intern, though she’s very curious. I’ll take care of that myself.” Then with a sigh, she filled him in on her conversation with May.

“You really like her.”

“I do, I don’t want to upset her and I hope she takes the news as pragmatically as she did Peter’s confession he was Spider-Man.”

“Red, if she likes you even half as much as you like her, she’ll see it as a good thing. Either way, we’ll make sure she’s all right.”

“Yes, we will.” Whether May could accept her and James or not, May was Peter’s family, that made her Natalia’s. “Now, enough doom and gloom. When do you want to have the reception?”

“The sooner the better,” he said with a grimace, running his hands up and down her sides. “As much as I hate it, next Wednesday?”

That was five days away.

“Maybe the weekend.”

“Already blowing me off, Mrs. Stark?”

“No, but Clint and I need to go with Maria for a short jaunt. We still have these missing ships and I have a partial draft of the reworked Accords for you to review.”

Surprise flickered through his eyes. “Already?”

“I was bored this afternoon,” she admitted and he laughed.

“Fine. I’ll look at those later this weekend.”

“And Tony?”

“Don’t say it.”

“We need to go see Pepper.”

“I just said don’t say it.”

Cupping his face, she tilted his head so he’d meet her gaze. “The sooner we do this, the sooner the two of you can begin to repair the fractures in your friendship.”

“Red, she had no right.”

“Maybe not. I have my own issues with her methods. But I know Pepper still loves you even if she has moved on. I know you still care about her deeply or this wouldn’t have hurt so much. That relationship—that friendship—has been important to both of you.”

“What about your relationship with her?” he countered. “She’s your friend, too.”

“I’m less invested,” Natalia admitted. “I like Pepper. I do—and I owe her for what she put herself through to help you identify the Mandarin. But she did this to help me and while I don’t care for the heavy-handedness, I don’t think she truly meant harm.”

“I wish I did.”

Smoothing her hands down to his chest, she said, “Tony, has it occurred to you that she did this specifically to force your hand and mine in order to confront the feelings between us?”

He blinked. “No.”

“Pepper was convinced something was going on and she asked me repeatedly.”

With a sigh, he slid his hands under her t-shirt to splay against her skin. “I saw that, too. I hate that she thought I was sleeping with you on the side when we were still together.”

“I don’t know if she thinks you were unfaithful, Tony. But there’s a lot of feelings there. You haven’t spoken to her in weeks. I think you’ve punished her enough.”

“Maybe.” The noncommittal noise made her smile. “I was already thinking about a brunch with her.”

“Brunch is good. We go to her or invite her here?”

“Here, we’ll have Bucky and Steve at brunch and the level of hostility is likely to rise, so let’s go for neutral ground?”

She chuckled. “Steve and James won’t hurt her. But I see your point.”

“Okay, so reception next weekend. Short mission for you and Clint with all precautions and tracking on,” he continued and she didn’t roll her eyes at the demanding tone. “Go over Accords this weekend, some team training so Wanda and Peter can flirt in front of all of us and you can terrorize Sam.”

That she did laugh at.

“Then brunch with Pepper—maybe Sunday. Neutral kind of day.”

“Then we have a plan.”

“We have a plan,” he nodded. His color looked better and his faint shakes had all but vanished. “Think you can sleepover tonight? I know you have your own floor and all but…”

Natalia chuckled. “I already told Steve and James I was staying with you tonight.”

Relief mingled with delight in his eyes and she narrowed the distance and touched her nose to his. “So,  PJs , some making out, and maybe a little Jessica Fletcher?”

Tangling a hand in her hair, he tugged her closer and she kissed him or maybe he kissed her. The slow contact gave way to him teasing his tongue against the seam of her lips. When she opened to him, he fisted her hair tighter and Natalia sank into the kiss. The pressure of his free hand ran down her back to just above her ass.

“Second base all right?” he asked between tongue curling licks against hers.

She chuckled. “You might even get to third if you’re very good.”

“Oh, I like third,” he whispered and cupped her ass with a light groan. She ground against his lap gently, a little hip rolling to tease him and then Tony sucked on her tongue as she nuzzled against his mouth.

Kissing a path along his jaw, she chuckled at the teasing tickle of his goatee, then nipped at his ear. The pressure of his hand sliding under her shirt on a path for her chest, made her chuckle deepen.

“Sliding into second,” he grinned. “Think I’m starting to develop a real affection for baseball.”

“Pretty sure this isn’t how the game is played,” she laughed. “But don’t ask me, I’m not the expert.” He groaned as she scraped her teeth over his pulse point.

“Well in that case,” he shifted forward to turn sideways and then she was on her back on the sofa with Tony blanketing her and tucked securely between her thighs. “I say we make our own rules.”

“Yeah?” She tilted her head back and eyed him. “What did you have in mind, Mr. Stark?”

“I was thinking I’d take you to the theatre,” he murmured. “A real date, out on the town, do it right. Tell me your favorite show and I’ll get us tickets.”

“Chess,” she murmured. “But it’s not playing anywhere.”

“Oh,” he grinned as he stroked his thumb across her nipple. The bra muted the contact, but he looked thoughtful. “I do like a challenge.”

“That must be why my bra is still on,” she told him.

“Is it?” He gave the barest tug and it began to slip off and Natalia let out a laugh. “Seems pretty loose to me.” Very clever. He had to have unhooked it when he was switching their positions.

Very smooth.

Then he worked the strap to her shoulder and she released him to pull it off from under her shirt. Before she could toss it, he dangled it from a finger.

“Have I ever mentioned how much I find your practicality to be intensely sexy?”

Since it was a plain cotton bra, she gave a little shrug and his gaze immediately went to her chest. “I like to be comfortable.” She hooked her legs around his hips and crossed her ankles before dragging him back down. “Now, shut up and kiss me.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he answered and tossed the bra over his shoulder.

Natalia was still laughing as he kissed her.

The bra was the only item of clothing she lost, though they spent the next hour making out like teenagers—according to Tony—who had parents waiting to walk in on them at any moment.

It was a hell of a lot of fun.

By the time they headed up to bed, he was relaxed and he relaxed even further when she pulled on one of his t-shirts to sleep in. Wrapped up against him, she didn’t miss how fast he dropped off within the minutes of the opening credits of the show. Natalia took longer to drop off, her ear against his chest as she listened to the steady rhythm of his heart.

If the bad dreams came for him tonight, she’d drive them away.


	30. This Is How We Do It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Peter train and then work out with Steve as they adjust to the new normal.

**Chapter Thirty**

_ This Is How We Do It _

**Bucky**

“So, if Mom sleeps with you tonight does that mean I can sleep in tomorrow morning?” Peter stared at him bleary-eyed and rumpled. His hair stood up on top of his head. Bucky had pulled him out of bed and ushered him downstairs to the range without letting him get dressed or wash his face.

Chuckling, Bucky set a Glock 19 and a Ruger SR9 on the counter in front of him. No, he hadn’t slept well with Natalia on another floor, but he had been able to sleep because Natalia was safe in the Tower. Friday promised to alert him if she left for any reason.

Tony needed the company and the care, Bucky wouldn’t begrudge him that. At the cliff house, it had been easier. She was two doors down. Having her several floors above would take some adjustment.

“It should be illegal to get up this early.” Peter scrubbed a hand over his face. “I haven’t even had a soda or anything.”

“And you will find when you go into most combat situations, it won’t be when you are at your peak, have had a full breakfast, shower, and a good night’s sleep.”

With a grimace, Peter sighed. “I get that but…”

“No buts.” In this, Bucky wouldn’t be flexible. Natalia training Peter was a  _ good _ thing. He was leaner like her, though he was far stronger. His youth and impulsive nature, however, was very much Natalia at the same age. She could temper him.

This here, Bucky could do.

“Combat doesn’t wait for you to be ready to go. It doesn’t care if you’re hungry, tired, cold, or desperate. All it cares about is the fight to be waged. You have to be able to use this…” He tapped the side of Peter’s head gently. “No matter your condition.”

“Mom says that.”

“Then listen to her. For now, we’re going to do this lesson.”

Squaring his shoulders, Peter sucked in a deep breath then looked at the guns. “I don’t really need to use a gun.”

“This isn’t about using them, this is about identifying them. We’re starting with something familiar, we’re going to move to the more complicated. You need to be able to see a weapon, know what it is, range, threat, and beyond disarming, also how to neutralize.”

Peter frowned as he stared at them. “This one looks like Mom’s Glock.”

“That’s because it is one of her Glocks.”

With rounded eyes, Peter stared at him. “You took one of her guns?”

Bucky chuckled. “She knows that I routinely go over every weapon in her arsenal just like she does. I would never let her go in the field with something that might blow up in her face.”

They’d gone over weapons maintenance and why cleaning your gun was as vital as learning to load it, take it apart, and put it together even before you learned how to fire it.

“Okay.”

“What can you tell me about this gun?” Bucky asked, pushing on with the lesson.

With a frown, the kid raked a hand through his already disheveled hair. “You’re serious right now?”

“Yep. You’re going to tell me about these guns, then you’re going to fire them. Then I’m going to shoot them at you and you’re going to disarm me.”

The last was a bit of an exaggeration, but Peter’s eyes widened further and it decided Bucky. His full and generous heart was a good thing but Peter was almost as idealistic as Steve could be. The idealism wasn’t the problem as much as the too open and generous heart.

It would get him killed if he didn’t prepare for the possibilities and that would kill Natalia.

The fist in his own chest at the idea didn’t help.

Finally pushing past his shock, Peter answered the question. He field-stripped the gun while he was at it. There was a small amount of fumbling, but he recovered. The Ruger was new, so Bucky walked him through it. Then loaded them and put Peter through his paces firing the weapons.

It took him a few shots, but the kid relaxed bit by bit. Until… “I don’t like guns.”

“You don’t have to like them. But you do have to respect them. They’re a tool, a weapon. Pretty much anything can be one. Doing what you do though, these…” He tapped the Glock 19 on the counter. “These are going to be what you run into more often than not. Situational awareness includes understanding what you’re up against. It’s why you’re training with Natalia, why you train with me and with Steve. Why you’ll train with the team.”

Lowering the gun, Peter studied it then glanced at him. “My uncle Ben was shot.”

“I know.” Bucky met his gaze. “I’m damn sorry for that. You have a fear and trauma reaction related to guns, don’t you?”

“I try not to,” Peter admitted.

“This is how we get past it.”

With a frown, Peter glanced from the guns back to Bucky. “That’s why we’re doing this?”

“Part of it. I wasn’t kidding about having to deal with weapons in your day-to-day life. You fight out there on the streets, people are going to shoot at you.”

Grimacing, the kid emptied the ammo, field-stripped it down to parts and then put it back together again.

“Nice, you did it in one try.”

“I paid attention.” But there was an element of a smug smile quirking his lips.

“Uh huh.” Clapping Peter’s shoulder, he took the guns. “Now we train more than just guns.”

“I thought you were going to shoot at me.”

At Bucky’s bland look Peter burst out laughing. “Right. Mom would kill you.”

“Yes, she would. She would be right. We will use shooting simulations though, so don’t get so cocky.”

“Tony’s simulators are cool.”

An image of the holographic Paris Tony set up at the cliff house and then the fireplaces from Christmas popped into Bucky’s head. When Peter met his gaze, he could have sworn the same idea seemed to be dancing in his eyes.

“You think he’d mind?”

Maybe not?

“Friday?”

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes?”

“If Peter and I wanted to tweak the simulators using the new projection technology, do we have access or do we need Tony?”

“You have the right permissions, Sergeant Barnes as long as the technology does not leave the Tower. To repurpose it in the simulator rooms would take roughly three hours and fifteen minutes, then you need to adjust the programs. We have most of the hardware in place and this would be more of an upgrade.”

“Do we have everything we need here or would we need to order it in?”

“Currently, we have everything in stock that would be required, I would have to requisition replenishments for the sensors, should I direct the drones to begin the install or did you want to supervise that yourself?”

Damn tempting.

“That would be so cool,” Peter said, grinning at him. “We could get it all set up and then train there?”

“We train first,” Bucky told him. “And I still want to talk to Tony before I begin a massive revamp of a system he already has set up. That’s just polite.” Though, he had to bury his own eagerness. The more he learned and the more he applied his old skills, the more he wanted to do. “Thank you, Friday, can you get everything ready to be installed but hold off on the install until I talk to Tony?”

“I can do that, Sergeant Barnes. Do you want me to leave a message for Boss and Nat for when they wake up?”

“It’s not urgent.” What he wanted to do was ask how they’d slept, but he would wait. Natalia permitted the hovering, but she used to turn off all monitoring and no longer did that out of deference to their worrying. So he would respect her privacy. “You can tell Steve to get his ass to the gym, though.”

“Captain Rogers said he was on his way down.”

“Thanks, Friday.”

“Of course, Sergeant Barnes.”

Weapons stowed and secured, Bucky directed Peter out of the armory so Friday could secure the doors. They took the stairs down the two flights toward the gym.

Peter laughed. “You know it’s funny…”

Pulling open the door at the base, Bucky glanced at him. “What is?”

“The way you talk to and about Steve… it’s funny. He’s just a guy. He’s the guy dating Mom, too which is—you know I’m just gonna skip past that part.”

Grinning, Bucky shook his head. “Steve is just a guy. He’s the punk I grew up with. All that Captain America stuff is half-public relations and half-propaganda.”

“Thanks,” Steve said drily from where he waited by the open gym doors.

Unrepentant and grinning, Bucky added, “He was also a showgirl back in his day, so…”

Peter laughed and Steve just rolled his eyes.

“That makes the videos we have to watch in Gym and in detention that much better.”

The widening of Steve’s eyes and the faint paleness under his normal tan had Bucky snapping a look to Peter. “Videos?”

“Son of a bitch,” Steve muttered as Peter said, “Yeah, there’s all these inspirational videos Steve made—well Captain America. It’s his old uniform, too. But he tells me all about being a responsible citizen.”

“Please tell you have access to these videos?” Glee unfolded in him and Steve groaned. Peter flashed him a grin.

“Pretty sure I can get them.”

“You really don’t need to do that, Pete,” Steve suggested, but Bucky just grinned.

“I thought you gave up your movie career, Punk.”

“I was asked to do a favor…”

**Peter**

The last thing Peter expected when Bucky rousted him from bed for training was to be miserable. Instead, he found himself laughing almost too much. Steve took all of Bucky’s teasing about the videos pretty well even when Peter remembered he could probably pull them up on YouTube.

On the one hand, it was kind of funny. And on the other…

“Hey Steve,” Peter said as they took a water break. He’d sparred with both of them and Steve had clipped him a couple of times, though Bucky had flat out hit Peter landing the blows at his shoulder and never the center of his chest.

Those had hurt.

But he hadn’t made the same mistakes again.

“Yeah?” Steve eyed him.

“Sorry about the video thing. I didn’t realize Bucky would make it a big deal. A funny one, but still…” It kind of verged a little close to bullying, maybe. But Steve’s easy grin dismissed that concern.

“Yeah well, he’s a jerk. Don’t worry. He thinks it’s his job to give me hell.”

“That’s because it was my job,” Bucky reminded him as he returned with refilled thermoses of cold water. He tossed one to Steve before handing one to Peter.

“Bucky,” Steve argued but the other man just shook his head.

“Bulgaria.”

“Was a one-off.”

“France.”

“Okay, I was still getting a feel for it.”

“Belgium.”

Steve sighed.

“Then there’s Norway, Russia, Germany…” Bucky tipped his bottle up and took a long drink.

Fascinated Peter followed the volley of conversation back and forth.

“Norway doesn’t count,” Steve pointed out. “That was you,  _ not _ me. I wanted to take the long way around, you said if we went high, we could get there faster and we’d have the advantage.”

“And I suppose the avalanche wasn’t your fault.”

“It wasn’t. That was Dum Dum and Junior settling a bet.” At Steve’s bland look, Bucky looked thoughtful.

“All right, I’ll give you that one. Russia and Germany were totally you.”

“Yeah,” Steve said with a laugh. “But it worked.”

Rolling his eyes, Bucky gave a sharp shake of his head. “You and Natalia.”

“Okay, what worked?” He was dying to know.

“Back in the ring,” Bucky told him. “We’re going to work on your offense. Steve keep count and you can tell the Spider-Punk, as long as you don’t get any crazy ideas.”

The chastisement to avoid something he didn’t even know about yet made Peter grin. He took another long drink of water and then capped the thermos before jogging over and then leaping into the ring.

Showing off? Maybe. But they only used the ring for close-quarters fighting. Everything else happened on the mat. Bucky didn’t comment as he closed in on him without any warning.

One thing Bucky and Mom had in common when it came to fight training. They never hesitated. While he’d actually gone up against both Steve and Bucky at the airport, he got the feeling neither had really unloaded on him either. Peter got his arm up to block and leapt, clearing Bucky’s head but the man was already moving before Peter could retaliate.

“In Germany,” Steve said as Peter narrowly caught Bucky’s left fist, but he didn’t move fast enough to block the right. The air whooshed out of him, but he rebounded and then caught Bucky with both feet to the sternum. “We had to cut through the woods between one of the largest army encampments and the main supply line. We went in as a strike team, just us and the other commandos.”

Peter wanted to focus, but he had to keep moving. It grew increasingly more difficult to avoid Bucky’s strikes without engaging. But he liked to challenge himself.

“At the time, our target was a Hydra depot. A waystation they used to move equipment from their factories inside Germany to their own bases. As much as they  _ served _ the Reich, they were really only serving themselves. They never flinched from using civilians and German resources to cover their movements. They supposed we wouldn’t hit civilian targets to take out their manufacturing or their weapons.”

“They weren’t wrong,” Bucky stated as he landed two hard swats and even if it was open fist, they really stung. On the third, Peter threw himself into a move Mom had only shown him a couple of times and while he didn’t have her control, he managed to not only catch Bucky’s hand, he flipped over it and wrenched the left arm behind him.

“No, they weren’t—nice one, Peter, be careful when you do that because…”

Peter didn’t get the rest of that as Bucky fell backwards, into him and Peter scrambled but Bucky hit him with one foot to the chest and then Peter flung backwards against the ropes.

“… he’ll do that.” Steve winced for him.

Coughing, Peter doubled over.

“If you’re going to do the move,” Bucky advised him as he rose. “You have to maintain control or a shift in gravity leaves you with all the weight and nowhere to escape while I can ride the momentum.”

Eyes watering, Peter nodded.

“You good?” Bucky gave him a sharp frown.

“I think I inhaled spit,” Peter admitted as he coughed again. When Steve offered him the thermos of water he took it gratefully.

It really hurt when he got that kick, but more because he inhaled all the spit even as he tried to suck in air to replace all the forcefully ejected breath Bucky had knocked out of him.

Both men watched him as he got his breathing under control. When he would have straightened to return to the ring, Bucky gave him a sharp shake of his head. “Five more minutes.”

Since the last time he argued against an enforced rest break he’d actually hurt for a few hours after the sparring, he listened.

“Anyway,” Steve said as he kept a sharp-eyed gaze on him. “We didn’t want to authorize bomber strikes, but we had to cut that supply chain. Bucky, me, and a few commandos parachuted in and then went overland through the woods to approach them from north of their lines—friendly territory.”

“So they wouldn’t have been expecting you?”

“Nope. But we couldn’t assume they’d see us as friendlies, so we need to acquire uniforms… only we couldn’t find any big guys.”

Bucky snorted. “By that he means all we found were kids and teenagers who shouldn’t have been in uniform in the first place.”

With a grimace, Peter rubbed his chest.

“When that failed, I decided the direct approach would be best.”

“Direct approach?” Peter glanced from Bucky’s half-amused, half-exasperated expression to Steve’s rather relaxed one.

“Like I said, it worked. I didn’t need to introduce myself when I rolled up to the front gates.”

Peter gaped. “You just… walked up to them?”

“Well, rode,” Steve explained with a grin. “We couldn’t acquire uniforms, so we hot-wired a truck and I drove it right up to the gates and then through them. They were so busy focusing on me, they didn’t notice the commandos slipping out of the truck.”

“Or me, picking them off from a ridge with the perfect vantage.” Nothing in Bucky’s tone was bragging. “Except the punk here takes three in the shoulder and another one in the thigh, but barely notices it. He just keeps hammering his way through. By the time we’d taken out most of that division, the detonators were in place.”

“Boom,” Steve said and like Bucky, he didn’t make light of it or even sound particularly proud. “Took out a huge artery for new Hydra weapons.”

The look they shared though.

“What aren’t you saying?”

“It’s not what we aren’t saying,” Steve admitted. “Bucky didn’t like the direct approach. Too risky.”

“Actually, what I said was too much threat. You were going to take the brunt of the fire and you did.”

Steve nodded. “I could also handle it.”

“Because you’re a punk.” The faint smile curving Bucky’s lips robbed it of any sting.

With a chuckle, Steve said, “Knocking on the front door works for me.”

“I kind of like the direct approach.”

“I know,” Bucky told him with a wry smile. “Now, you breathing better?”

“I think so.”

The ache in his chest had also diminished.

“Back in here, let’s walk through that again and I’ll show you what you did wrong.”

The next hour was both grueling and rewarding, Bucky put him through his paces and tagged out to watch while Peter sparred with Steve, then it was Peter sitting on the bench and getting a breather while they went at it.

Sprawled on his back, Peter smothered a yawn.

“Well, think you’re up for a run, Pal?” Steve asked as he and Bucky left the ring. They were both sweating some after that last bout.

Peter groaned. “You’re not serious, right?”

He cracked an eyelid open at the laughter rumbling out of both men.

“You’re cruel.”

“And you did well,” Bucky told him as he offered him a hand.

“You really did,” Steve said. “I am going to run though. You up for it Buck?”

“Yeah, gimme a minute.”

“Seriously?” Peter stared at both of them. “After all that,  _ now _ you’re going to run?”

Did they not sleep when Mom wasn’t there? Did she  _ know _ this?

“Yeah, it’s good. Takes the edge off. And you’re not as tired as you’re making it out to be.” Steve shot him a grin. “See you for breakfast in a couple of hours.”

It was barely six.

After Steve left them, Peter stared at Bucky who studied him intently. “You okay?”

“I am,” Bucky told him. “I was about to ask you the same question. You had questions last night that you didn’t ask. And you haven’t asked them this morning, either.”

“They’re none of my business.” He didn’t pretend to misunderstand. “Mom was worried about Tony last night. So were you and Steve.”

Something had happened on the mission, but she’d walked away from him in the lab to take a call and she’d been seriously intense until the quinjet landed even sending Peter down to get changed and do any homework he had while the team decompressed.

But after… Tony had been a little off and then Mom went up with him rather than staying. It had been both weird and sweet.

“He’s okay, Pal,” Bucky told him. “Just had a moment.”

“You know I like all of you guys together, right?” It was an awkward statement. “I mean—all of you with Mom. I kind of rooted for Tony before, but… I don’t want Mom to not be with you or Steve. So…”

“It’s fine,” Bucky told him. “We’re fine. Steve and I know where she is and why she needs and wants to be there.”

“Is it weird?” Then he winced and held up a hand. “And I get it, it’s none of my business, and there are details I never want to have.” The flash of Bucky’s smile helped as he fumbled this. “But… you and Mom have been together for decades and now…”

“Now there are two other guys?” Bucky shrugged. “It took some adjustment. Might have been different if I’d remembered sooner. Or if she did. But I want her to be happy. Steve wants her to be happy, too and Tony… he and I have had our differences, but he loves her.”

Peter could see that. “He wants her to be happy.”

“We all do. It’s our common ground. Steve and I, we were friends before and we still are. There was a lot of bad blood between me and Tony—between Steve and Tony.”

Exhaling slowly, Peter said, “Because of what happened in Germany?”

“Yeah, that’s part of it. Either way, we worked it out.”

Frowning, he turned that idea over in his head. “But you are friends now? You even fixed up a spot for him at your house.”

“We are.” Bucky looked thoughtful. “Natalia has a way of bringing people together. She doesn’t see things like others do. She has an enormous heart she’s barely aware of, mostly because she was taught to ignore it. But she can’t. You got that heart from her.”

He ducked his head. “May used to say my mom was like that. She was always looking after others. Always had to be involved. That was why she and Dad traveled so much. There were always projects that needed to be done.”

“Mary sounds like she grew up to be very special,” Bucky told him. “Also sounds like she chose a good man.”

Embarrassment flamed through Peter. “I don’t know, so much of what I remember about them… I wonder if I made it up in my head from the stories May and Ben told me. Other times…”

“You feel it.” The keen understanding in those three words and soothed his unease.

“Yeah. Not a lot of people would get that.”

“Family is a feeling, Peter. You were family before we knew.”

Warmth fisted in his chest. “Even when you worried that I would hurt Mom?”

He hadn’t missed the worry on their faces during some of his early training with her. Even before she got hurt.

“I will always worry about Natalia,” Bucky said. “You’re strong and you’re fast. You’re still learning. It’s easy to make a mistake. But you were still family, the family we chose and the family we have.”

“Uncle Ben said that you can’t pick your relatives, but you can choose your family. I got the best of both.” Uncle Ben would get a good chuckle out of this. It was like something out of the movies they used to watch together. “You know, Uncle Ben and I were working through these movie catalogs of greatest films…he introduced time to a lot of them. I collect laserdisc and stuff… I know Steve’s working through a list of movies, you want to compare it with the catalog and maybe you and me could work on some of those movies together?”

“I’d like that,” Bucky told him. “Are there any with cheerleaders?”

Peter stared at him. “Do I want to know why you’re asking me that?”

“Because Natalia laughed for a long time after Clint showed me a cheerleader movie and I quoted it.”

He snickered. “I bet we could find some.”

“Come on, I’m going to meet Steve to run and…”

“Do you think the invitation still stands to let me go with?” All of a sudden the tired was gone and he wanted to hang out with them some more. “I promise not to show you up or anything out there.”

Bucky snorted. “Go get changed and put on actual running shoes. We’ll have to slow the pace, we don’t want anyone getting ideas about you.”

“Cool!”

On the way to Mom’s floor, Peter cut a look at him. “Can we not tell Mom about the sparring this morning?”

“Why?”

“Cause I want to surprise her when she’s up for training with me again.”

Chuckling, Bucky waved him out of the elevator. “Go get your stuff and I’ll think about it. Meet us downstairs. Make sure you have a hat and a jacket on. Maybe one of Natalia’s face masks. Friday, let Steve know we’ll be down in five?”

Peter was still grinning as he headed to his room. He liked training with Steve and Bucky. He liked it even more when they shared war stories. They were actually  _ there _ . Mom had been, too.

That thought made him dizzy.

Would he live as long as they had?

Oh.

His smile faded a beat. Could he?

He wasn’t sure if that was awesome or terrifying.

Maybe both.

**Steve**

Even setting a pace not meant to emphasize Peter’s speed, they pushed it by adding the miles. After the first couple of miles, Peter began to hit them with questions. Some about where they grew up. Some about Bucky’s family. A couple about Steve’s mom. Then he wanted to know about school, the war, pretty much everything he could think of. He jumped from topic to topic, lighting on some briefly and taking his time with others.

Steve honestly didn’t mind the questions, but what he enjoyed was watching Bucky relax, he teased Peter with some of his answers, skirted away from topics he didn’t want to discuss, then circled them back to easier subjects. When he turned the tables and asked him about his girlfriends, Steve had to bite back a laugh.

The half-stuttered answers came out more like questions. “Liz is great, right? I guess. It’s just… we don’t get to spend as much time together and sometimes I feel bad about not being able to tell her everything. You know? That’s bad right? That I can’t be honest?”

“Depends on what you’re not being honest about,” Bucky told him.

“Not telling her about Wanda would be a problem,” Steve added.

“That,” Bucky nodded. “Or the other girl, Michelle?”

“MJ.” Peter sighed. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell her—well I really don’t want to tell her. Because if I tell her I have to tell her how I know Wanda and Wanda’s officially an Avenger.”

“You’re interning for Tony,” Bucky told him in a relaxed tone of voice. “You have a reason to know all of us. The rest of that is an excuse.”

Steve winced even if he agreed with him.

“I know,” Peter said with a sigh. “I’ve just liked her forever and now…”

Neither Bucky nor Steve said anything, letting Peter work on that knot. If Nat were here, she’d sort him out but she hadn’t pushed him that Steve knew of. He wasn’t sure whether it was her own recovery and the discovery of her relationship with Peter or whether she believed he needed to figure this out on his own.

He’d bet on it being both, but more the latter. Natasha wasn’t going to tell Peter how he should feel though she had stressed to him that honesty was vital in this situation. She’d been truthful about her feelings; she’d talked to them about what she wanted.

Even in the beginning, she’d told Steve she worried about what her feelings for Bucky would be, what their shared history would reveal and she had wanted to protect Steve then. Never had he been more happy than he was to tell her he didn’t care, he wasn’t giving up. He wanted to be a part of her life, a part of her future. The fact she and Bucky discovered not only a shared history, but intertwined lives? He was happy for them and as much as he might never have thought it possible—Tony fit.

“Now I don’t know what to do. I really like Wanda.”

Bucky shot him a look and Steve shook his head. He didn’t have a comment on that really. It was a difficult situation for an adult much less a teenager.

“And MJ’s just a friend and honestly half the time I don’t know if MJ even likes me. She says weird stuff.”

If he couldn’t stop thinking about her though that was usually telling. At least in Steve’s experience. Nat had always been on his mind even when he hadn’t realized she was. He was forever comparing other women to her. None would ever match up.

“But Wanda gets me, I mean—she knows all about everything. She knows Mom is Mom, she knows what I can do. I don’t have to pretend with her. At all.”

“Does she know about Liz?”

Peter sighed at Bucky’s question and when he slowed Steve eased up and turned to find the kid staring into the distance. With the knit cap on along with the neoprene mask, only his eyes were visible but they were pained. “If I tell her, do you think she’s going to get mad?”

“I think if you don’t tell her and she finds out, you’re going to deserve what you get.” Not pulling his punches at all, Bucky faced him. “Women aren’t stupid, Pal. Wanda likes you. More, she trusts you. Burn that trust at your own peril.”

And as much as he hated to say it… “She’s also on the team,” Steve told him. “If she can’t trust you personally, it’s going to bleed over into the field and that’s dangerous for both of you.” It would be dangerous for the whole team. They had to be able to rely on each other in the field. Personal grievances created distractions and worse.

A frown tightened the line between his eyes as he met Steve’s gaze. “That would be bad.”

“And while I won’t tell you how to live your life,” Steve informed him. “I will tell you that the team can’t afford it. None of us can afford to have either of you hurt because you lost focus and trust.”

With a heavy sigh, Peter hung his head. “I’ll talk to Mom, I just…”

“You don’t want to have to choose,” Bucky said. “That’s not just  _ your _ choice to make.”

It wasn’t. Natasha hadn’t wanted to choose between them and they’d told her she didn’t have to. But that was  _ their _ choice. Steve nodded once, then rolled his head from side to side. Bucky wasn’t looking at them but studying something in the distance.

“Problem?”

He shook his head. “Not sure.”

Except, his hyper-awareness tended to track issues before they became issues. As if drawn by their discussion, Peter shifted his gaze to the distance, too. “It’s a drone. Probably a kid flying it. Or a news station. They are really popular.”

“Hmm.” Bucky narrowed his eyes.

“Friday?” Steve asked as he pressed the communicator tucked against his ear.

“Yes, Captain Rogers?”

“You have eyes on us?”

“Standby.” Then. “I have located you.”

Bucky nodded to him.

“There’s a drone moving…”

“I have it, Captain Rogers. Is it presenting as a threat?”

“Uncertain.”

“Guys,” Peter said. “It’s probably nothing.”

“Then it doesn’t hurt to check. Steve,” Bucky said. “Split up?”

Steve nodded once. “Friday can you track all three of us?”

“I can.”

He and Bucky shared a look.

“Take the subway back,” Bucky told Peter. “Once you're below ground, switch the jacket, turn it inside out, lose the hat, pull up the hood.”

Peter frowned, then nodded.

“Take a direct line straight back, Friday’s gonna have eyes on you all the way. Head to the Tower, enter through the garage. Got it?”

Another nod.

When Bucky looked at him, Steve said, “Parallel, opposite sides of the park. Pull it to the middle if it’s on either of us.”

“Works for me.”

“This really seems like overkill.”

“Then it doesn’t hurt anything,” Bucky told him and gave his shoulder a squeeze. “On three…and Peter?”

“I’ll run normal,” he murmured. “Don’t make me explain to Mom if you’re not there, okay?”

“We won’t.”

“Friday?”

“Should I wake Boss up, Captain Rogers?”

“Not yet. Just track us but if we hit trouble…”

“Understood.”

“Go.” On his word, Peter jogged away from them with a half-wave like he was saying bye. Steve and Bucky gave him a beat then they took off, side by side, peeling away when Steve pressed the speed.

“Drone is following.” Friday’s warning alerted him. “It appears to be trying to follow you, Captain Rogers.”

That’s all he needed to know. “Let me know when Peter’s out of sight.”

“He is descending to the subway now. He slipped into an alcove…and he has altered his appearance. The train is due in forty-five seconds.”

As soon as Peter was on board.

“Sergeant Barnes is on an intercept course with you.”

“Tell him to keep his distance for now, is that drone transmitting?”

“Yes, but it’s an encrypted line. I’m tracing.”

“That’s bad, right?”

“It may be nothing,” Friday suggested. “Standard communications protocols often include a generic encryption to prevent signal crossing. However, I will isolate and shut it down if necessary.”

“Remind me never to piss you off, Friday,” Steve told her lightly.

“You have survived it once, Captain,” she stated. “I think you will be fine.”

He chuckled. “You are sounding more like Nat everyday.”

“Thank you.” Pleased. The AI sounded more human everyday, too.

“You are in the clear, Captain.”

“Thank you.” He stopped jogging normally and increased his pace. If that drone really was tracking him, it was going to have to accelerate.

“The drone has ceased its following and shifted directions. The model is commercial, available via many outlets.”

Slowing as he caught sight of Bucky ahead of him, Steve nodded.

“I’ll continue to work on this.”

“Thanks Friday.”

“Of course, Captain. Mr. Parker has left the subway and is almost to the Tower, I will continue to monitor his progress and alert you when he is secure.”

“Appreciated.” He met Bucky’s gaze with a wry grin. “I think we’re both getting paranoid now.”

Bucky shrugged. “It’s only paranoia until we miss the signs.”

“Probably just a kid.”

“Don’t care,” Bucky said flatly. “Eyes in the back of our heads. I’m done with ambushes.”

“Agreed.”

He couldn’t fault him there. “Back to the Tower?”

“Yeah.” Steve checked the time. “We should shower and get started on breakfast. I don’t know how late they were up, but I want food ready when they wake up.”

“Works for me.”

They were almost to the Tower when Friday said, “Captain Rogers? There are two attorneys in the lobby, one from the prosecutor’s office and another from the State Attorney General’s office.”

Jaw tightening, Steve frowned. “They want to see Nat.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes, they also indicated they can get a subpoena.”

“I’m almost there. I’ll take care of it. Do not let them up.”

“I had no intention of doing so, security is holding them.” The tart response made him smile.

“That didn’t take long,” Bucky complained.

“Well, we knew it wouldn’t. Friday, have you verified their identities?”

“Running them now, Captain.”

Bucky was a step behind him as they entered the lobby. The pair of attorneys were obvious in their expensive suits. Both men straightened at his arrival and while one of them flicked a nervous look at Bucky, the other didn’t take his gaze off Steve.

That told him who thought they were in charge.

“Gentlemen,” Steve said by way of greeting. “How can I help you?”

“Captain Rogers,” the second man said, offering his hand. “I’m Dan Merritt, Manhattan District Attorney’s office. This is Lorne Price, New York State Attorney General’s Office.”

Steve accepted the handshake briefly, then folded his arms. “I’ll ask again, how can I help you?”

Saying nothing, Bucky just focused on the men. Price kept flicking him a look, but Merritt kept his attention on Steve. “We’re actually here to see, Mrs. Stark, we have a subpoena and I’m trying to be polite about it, but I can have the police come down to escort her if I have to.”

“That sounds suspiciously like a threat, Mr. Merritt. You should understand the Avengers do not respond well to threats.” He pinned the man with a look.

“I would prefer it didn’t come down to this, however, we have been trying to get ahold of her for weeks and she has not returned our calls.”

“It’s my understanding you’ve never left a message on what this is in reference to,” Steve told him easily. “We can do this two ways… you can tell me what you need and I’ll see what we can do or I can escort you out of the Tower and off the property. What will it be?”

“Captain Rogers, this is a matter for Mrs. Stark…”

“Who is an Avenger, and part of my team. If it concerns her, it concerns me. You want to talk to her, start talking to me.”

Merritt blinked and looked away first, he shot a look to Price who grimaced. “Captain Rogers…” Yeah, Steve recognized the placating tone. “We aren’t looking for trouble.”

“Excellent. Then you can explain to me what you need to discuss with her.” Until he knew, they weren’t getting anywhere near Natasha.

“I have verified them both, Captain Rogers. Mr. Merritt is handling the prosecution of Secretary Ross.”

Well that explained him.

“Mr. Price, however, is not attached to that case.”

So why was he here?

“If you need time to get your stories straight,” Steve offered. “There’s the doors.”

The elevator dinged and Tony exited with a faint smirk on his lips. “Problems?”

Merritt glanced from Steve to Tony then back. “Mr. Stark, we’re here—”

“No problems,” Steve said, cutting the other man off. “They don’t seem to want to share why they’re here, so they’re leaving.”

“Excellent. I’m in the mood for bagels. You up for bagels?”

“I could eat,” Bucky answered easily. “You going to grab them?”

“Was thinking about it.”

The pair of attorneys frowned as they all but ignored them and finally Price said, “We need to talk to Mrs. Stark on several issues, including the prosecution of Secretary Ross and his involvement with the incident in Los Angeles, her injuries here and the potential links to other terrorist organizations.”

Tony slid him a look.

But Steve just waited as Price’s lips compressed into a thin line before he added, “Including Hydra, but also the potential assassinations he tried to arrange here in New York—starting with you and Mr. Stark.”

“Right,” Tony drawled.

“Currently,” Merritt hurried to add. “She’s not facing charges, but she’s a key witness and we need to discuss her possible testimony.”

“You don’t need her as a witness,” Tony stated. “You have plenty of evidence including Secretary Ross’s own words.”

“We do,” Merritt admitted. “We also have his file on her and his attorneys are planning to call her and call in to question her work for Hydra and other organizations before and after SHIELD. They could potentially impeach her credibility.”

His attorneys.

It was almost laughable, but none of them were laughing.

“You need to understand our position, gentlemen,” Merritt continued. “We’re trying to keep this respectful for Mrs. Stark.” The fact he couldn’t make up his mind whether to address Tony or Steve actually kind of amused Steve.

They were between a rock and hard place.

“But if we have to,” Price stated. “We’ll switch tactics. It’s  _ her _ choice.”

“Make an appointment,” Tony suggested. “Then she can meet with you, while we’re present as well as her attorneys. Friday, get them on the calendar. Until then, have a great weekend.”

Worked for Steve. Bucky took a single step forward and the prosecutors both frowned, but all Price said was, “We’re not the enemy.”

“You spearheaded the investigation into her following the incident in Germany,” Tony said flatly. “You were looking for domestic crimes within the state to pin on her. I know exactly who you are, Price. You can play friendly guy, but you aren’t a friend.”

“You want to be a friend now,” Steve added. “Then prove it. Make the appointment.”

“We will,” Merritt said. “If she fails to appear, I’ll compel with a subpoena and a police escort.”

When he offered Steve his hand again, Steve ignored it. Finally the two men headed for the door with security in attendance. After joining them to watch the men leave with security following them all the way to the car waiting at the street, he said, “This is going to be a small wrinkle.”

“Only small?” Steve slid a look at him.

“Yep,” Tony said with a firm nod and clapped him on the arm. “They just agreed to all three of us being there for all the questioning as well as my attorneys. Be a lot harder to play tricks.”

He nodded.

“They seem desperate,” Bucky commented as they headed to the elevator after the car pulled away. “That’s never good.”

No.

It wasn’t.

“You good?” Steve checked on Tony. He looked better, the shadows around his eyes were far less and his color was better.

“I’m good,” he said. “Starving. But good.”

“Nat said breakfast will be ready as soon as everyone has showered,” Friday informed them.

“Yep and she won’t feed me until you guys are there,” the good-natured complaint in Tony’s voice made Steve laugh.

Steve grinned. “Tell her we’ll be right up.”

After the drones and the attorneys, he was very much ready to see her and to just be family for a little while longer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize. I keep trying to get back here but deadlines, everyone at home and general stress has made this a little challenging. Here we go again, because I really do want to keep going! My original goal was to have this part wrapped before BW came out. With the dates shifted that means I have more breathing room, but I'm excited to dive back in and thank you everyone who has been hanging in there with me. Stay safe.


	31. The Scientist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony savors some of the changes in his life even as the team starts to get back to work

**Chapter Thirty-One**

_ The Scientist _

**Tony**

Despite expecting nightmares, Tony opened his eyes in surprise. Liho purred against his chest, a familiar weight after the last couple of weeks. But that wasn’t the only pressure settled against him. Slanting his gaze down, he smothered a yawn that tried to stretch his smile. Red hair spread against his shoulder and tickled his cheek. He couldn’t quite make out her face, but she was curled right up against him, one leg over his and an arm thrown across his waist.

Half of him had expected her to slip away like smoke once he was asleep. She didn’t have to spend the night, even if she had a couple of times at the house. Why would she when Steve and Bucky were around? Even as that thought tried to take purchase he shoved it to the side and lifted a hand to stroke the hair away from her face.

Nat didn’t even shift. Liho’s purring increased though and Tony chuckled as the cat shifted up and rubbed against his chin. “Settle down,” he murmured to her, then used his free hand to pet her. “Don’t wake her up.”

Flopping onto her side, Liho stretched under his regular strokes. Weird how easily he’d gotten used to the cat demanding attention first thing in the morning. Enough, he’d missed her on those nights she’d spent with Peter.

Wait, Peter had slept over, right? The night before was a little fuzzy. Dinner with everyone on Steve’s floor, Nat staying right with him and keeping him grounded in the moment and then they’d headed up after the others left.

The making out he definitely remembered. As if inspired by the thought, his morning wood stiffened a bit more and he had to shift a leg to ease the pressure some. Curling a finger under Liho’s chin, he scratched her gently then pressed a kiss to the top of Nat’s head. No, he hadn’t really expected either of them to be there when he woke up.

Not that he was complaining.

The windows were still opaque, what light was in the room emanated from the strips placed low near the floor. Enough to make his way in the dark, not enough to disturb anyone.

“Friday,” he murmured. “Windows to thirty percent.”

Gradually the windows cleared enough to allow gray light to filter through. It was just after sunrise. So he wouldn’t disturb Natasha if they already missed it. At the added light, she shifted next to him and burrowed, turning her face toward his neck. The soft puffs of her breath against his skin made him smile.

Months earlier when he’d begun his hunt to find her, this hadn’t been on his radar as a real possibility. Fantasies? Absolutely. But having her right there? Having the right to kiss her? Aware she cared about him?

A little shudder raced through his system.

“Tony,” she mumbled against his throat. “You’re thinking too loudly.”

Tracing his fingers down her hair to her shoulder, he chuckled. “I thought you liked my brain.”

She slid a hand up to press two fingers to his lips. “I like it when it’s quiet, too.”

“Wounded, Red,” he chuckled, kissing her fingertips. Then Liho butted her head under Natasha’s fingers and against Tony’s chin.

Head lifting, Natasha eyed the cat. Between the tousled hair and sleepy expression, she was adorable. Not that he planned on saying that aloud. “Demanding little stray.”

Liho’s purr increased and she flopped over, stretching between them so they could both pet her.

“A demanding stray that trains us very well,” Tony pointed out.

Natasha snorted, then pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth before she snuggled back down. “Early.”

“Ha,” he teased. “You don’t fool me, Red. You’re usually up before the sun.”

“Not today,” she argued.

“No,” he mused, rubbing his cheek against her hair. “Thanks for staying.”

“Always.”

They took turns stroking Liho, but her purring had revved to motorboat form.

“Feel better?”

Tony turned the question over. “Depends on how we define better.”

“Binary ones and zeroes work.”

He grinned. “I’m a much more complicated system than that.”

“Unix operating systems aren’t that complicated.”

“Take that back.” He dislodged an annoyed Liho as he tumbled Natasha over onto her back. Amusement curved her lips. “Unix is a good base system if you know what you’re doing. I’m much more proprietary.”

“Yet, I can crack your code.” Teasing gleamed in her eyes and he laughed.

“You’re terrible for my ego.”

Looping her arms behind her head, she slid a foot along the back of his leg. There was too much relaxation in her posture. He was about to have his ass handed to him.

Worth it.

“Your ego does not require any assistance to do the heavy lifting.”

He considered that for a moment. “You know, I can’t really argue with you on that point.”

“Yet, I have this feeling you will anyway.”

“Ah,” he tilted his head, then wagged a finger at her. “No spy whammy in bed.”

Her indelicate snort distracted him and that was his story when she locked those thighs around him and then flipped him so he was on his back and she was sitting over him. Not that he was complaining.

“Saw that coming.”

“Hmm-hmm.” She walked her fingers up his chest then tapped him on the nose. “I need a shower. Then food.”

“So demanding,” he countered, running his hands up her thighs to rest against her hips. “We could just stay right here. I promise you’re not offending me in the slightest.”

Liho flexed her claws against his chest as she padded across him to rub against Natasha.

The corners of his mouth twitched.

“Don’t say it,” Natasha ordered though her eyes twinkled.

“What? Pussy-blocked is totally a thing.”

Laughter punctuated her groan as she tilted her head back, then she scooped up Liho in one hand and rubbed her cheek against her before murmuring something in Russian and tossing the cat behind her on the bed. Draping over him, she kissed the corner of his mouth again then murmured, “Blocked suggests access. Maybe you just need to work out the code.”

“Oh yeah?” That sounded like a challenge. He ran his thumbs over the bare skin just below the hem of his shirt. “I’m pretty good at hacking.”

Natasha smiled against his mouth then traced a path to his ear that had him shuddering before she nipped his earlobe and he clenched his fingers. “But I’m better.” Another kiss and then she was off him and heading toward the bathroom.

Fuck.

He groaned. “Mean!” he called after her and her laughter drifted out to tease him.

“Yet, I don’t hear you arguing.”

No. Because when it came down to it…they really didn’t know which one was better. “Care to make a wager on it?”

The water came on and he rolled to sitting up, his gaze pinned to the bathroom.

“Depends,” she answered. “What do I get when I win?”

Nice. “Your call, Red,” he said, easily shoving off the bed and stretching before he adjusted himself a little. That was going to have to be taken in hand. “You don’t even have to decide now.”

As much as he needed to take care of it, he wanted to indulge in a little more torture so he headed for the bathroom.

Steam rolled out of the shower and he grinned at the view, she was in the middle of washing her hair and the water slid over every gorgeous inch of her. Damn. He never really lingered before. Not that he hadn’t looked cause he’d have had to have been dead to not look. But there were usually more pressing issues than just admiring the slope of her hips or the way her breasts curved.

That ass…

“You’re drooling,” she murmured and he grinned.

“Yes, yes I am.” With a raise of his eyebrows, he turned to grab his toothbrush. He could admire the view from here and brush his teeth.

She tipped her head back to rinse out the shampoo before reaching for the conditioner. “So if I decide what I win when I win, then you also decide what you win, if you do.”

He didn’t miss the keywords of ‘when’ or ‘if’ in her statement, grinning he kept brushing his teeth but held up a finger. After he rinsed his mouth, he said, “Basically, when I win, I can claim my prize.” He dabbed at his mouth then reached for the shaving cream. He wanted to smooth out his face and trim up the goatee. “If you do, then you may do the same.”

Her laughter rippled out of the shower. “You realize the last time we bet it took months to get to that payoff?”

Working the razor over his cheeks, he flicked a look over to find her studying him through the glass. “It was worth it.”

She pressed her fingers to the glass. “Agreed.”

What unease lingered at all from the day before erased under her quiet approval. “So we have a deal?”

“It’s a bet.”

The quiet settled around them as she finished showering and he trimmed up the goatee after shaving. When the water shut off, he handed her a towel. She wrapped one around her hair then he passed her a second one that she wrapped around her torso.

“You still need a haircut.”

“I do,” he admitted. “You still taking appoint—”

“Boss,” Friday intruded. “There are two attorneys in the lobby—one from the prosecutor’s office and the other from the State Attorney General’s Office.”

It was still early  _ and _ on a weekend.

“For me, Friday?” Natasha asked, toweling her damp hair.

“Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes on their way back from their run, Captain Rogers asked me to hold them in the lobby.”

“Thanks, Baby Girl.” Tony frowned.

“I can talk to them,” Natasha said.

“I’d rather you didn’t,” he said even though the word ‘no’ was on the tip of his tongue. “They’ve never bothered to leave a message regarding what they want. The fact they are playing hard to get while doing a full forward press bothers me.”

Natasha shrugged. “They may not want to tip their hand. Most law enforcement is the same way. You know—you can’t lie to them, but they can certainly lie to you.”

“Another reason to dislike them.” He cupped her face and gave her a light kiss. “To be continued another time, I’m getting dressed and wandering down to be irritating. You stay up here? Please?”

“Since you said please,” she teased him, but there was a careful warning in her eyes. She would allow this to go only so far. “If they press the issue, have Friday let me know.”

“Hey,” Tony said as he backed out of the bathroom, arms wide. “It’s me. You know how great I am with pushy people.”

She snorted, but smiled which had been his intention.

“Besides, I guarantee you Steve’s gonna play bad cop and for once, I get to be Mr. Reasonable.” He grinned wider. “Think I could bribe you into fixing breakfast?”

“I was already planning on it. Any special requests?”

“Food is always good,” he said. “I’m easy. You could order in, too. Won’t bother me in the least.”

“I’ll see what I can manage. Bring the boys and Peter back with you?”

“As you wish, Red,” he said with a wink before he headed to his closet. It took him a couple of minutes to throw on clothes and head for the elevator.

“Boss,” Friday said once he was in the elevator. “There was an incident while they were out for a run.” And she briefed him on the concerns regarding the drone.

“Are we still tracking it, Baby Girl?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Let me know what you find and thanks for looking after them.”

“My pleasure, Boss.”

Downstairs, he found Steve and Bucky already dealing with the interlopers. Friday had clued him in on who was there, but Price was not one he expected to be involved in this. It shouldn’t have surprised him, but the guy had an ax to grind with all of them. He’d been right up there with people like the Avengers, in general, were a threat. In his eyes, Natasha had nothing but black marks in her record.

He’d also led one of the efforts to get her charged for treason, but they couldn’t make it work on a state level. He needed federal authority because those so-called crimes hadn’t happened here as far as he knew.

Yeah, Tony wasn’t a fan.

Their threats were also ringing a little hollow. They had a subpoena but they wouldn’t go toe to toe with Cap on it.

Smart men.

Still…

After dropping Steve and Bucky at Steve’s floor he continued back to the penthouse. “Reach out to the attorneys, I want to know what Price is up to. He might be trying to distract us and pull an end-run.”

“You got it, Boss. Peter is done with his shower.” The elevator paused at Natasha’s floor and the doors opened to let a freshly showered Peter aboard.

“Hey, Tony. You missed weapons training, sparring, and a run.”

Raising his brows, Tony bit back a smirk. “I’m pretty broken up about that kid, you want to start that all over again with me since it’s not a reasonable hour?”

Peter laughed.

Back in the penthouse, the scent of grilling onions, peppers, and bacon welcomed them and Peter groaned. “Food! I’m starving.”

“I brought one back, as requested,” Tony announced as he sailed into the kitchen where the freshly brewed coffee called his name. “The other two are pending arrival after they shower.”

Natasha chuckled as he bumped her hip lightly. “Cute.”

“Thank you,” he said with a wink. “I try.” Then he looked over the grilling food. “What are we having?”

“Russian surprise, you will get it, you will eat it, and you will enjoy it.” The sudden appearance of a thick and heavy accent had him snorting.

“Or what, the gulag?”

She slid him a look then grinned slowly. “Training with me.”

“Okay,” he muttered, lowering the coffee. “That’s not fair. You can’t threaten me and turn me on with the same thing.”

“I can’t?” She dared him but before he could respond Peter gagged.

Natasha flicked a look in his direction and Peter shot them both an innocent smile. “You know I’m not old enough for this conversation, right?”

Laughing, Natasha shook her head then crooked her finger. The kid obligingly dropped a kiss on her cheek. Then froze when she caught his chin and tilted his head. “You’ve been sparring.”

“How do you do that?” He gaped.

Tony hid a smile behind a swallow of coffee.

“I pay attention,” she murmured. “You need to watch your left. I can see the bruise there at the edge of your shirt.”

Peter sighed and dropped his forehead to rest against her shoulder. “Bucky woke me up for weapons training and sparring to test my reflexes when I was tired and unprepared.”

Natasha nodded, stirring the grilling vegetables with a wooden spoon while scratching his head gently. “How did you do?”

“Not bad, we had a lot of fun. I was going to surprise you with this later.”

“I’ll pretend not to know, Petya.” She winked at him then gave him a little nudge. “Go get the eggs out for me and get yourself something to drink.”

Leaning back against the counter, Tony just smiled. He liked the ease between them. After seeing her heartbreak, it delighted him to see how she’d put it back together.

Liho rubbed against his ankles, but Natasha said, “Don’t let her spy whammy you moy umnyy, she has been fed.”

“Ha,” he told the cat who just blinked up at him. “You can’t spy whammy the spy in the house.”

Liho just stared, utterly unimpressed.

The cloak was also floating in the living room, he hadn’t seen it in a day or so. A part of him had kind of hoped it had gone back to Strange. But nope, there it was, waiting patiently.

It wasn’t long before she had real omelets going, and then there were roasted potatoes coming out of the oven to join the bacon and Natasha had made biscuits. The food was ready just as the elevator opened to let Steve and Bucky in. Tony already had their coffee going when Natasha turned to welcome them both with good morning kisses.

Better.

The gang was all here.

Still, even as they sat down to eat, he couldn’t help thinking about the drones, the attorneys, the fact Maria was on one of their floors waiting to do a mission with Nat and Clint, and there was a cloak just hanging out in his living room.

Natasha nudged him with a foot and he glanced over at her. “Whatever it is,” she reminded him. “We’ll deal with it. Training today, yeah?”

“Works for me,” he said easily. But when he met Steve’s gaze, he found the exact same set of concerns there. He mouthed ‘later’ to him and Steve nodded.

Time to compare some notes.

~~~

“So tell me about Price,” Steve said as they took seats on the bench on the far side of the gym. Natasha had Peter and Wanda out working—separately—with Bucky also supervising and sparring with Peter while Natasha sparred with Wanda. Sharon and Sam were supposed to be on their way down as was Rhodey, but Rhodey was running late.

“He’s looking to make a name for himself,” Tony told him. “He’s got his eye on the governor’s chair, but he’s second fiddle at the State Attorney General’s office if he can get Nat in the hot seat, he gets his name in the papers.” Part of the reason Tony didn’t like him.

“So he’s not a law and order guy.”

On that point, Tony shrugged. “My lawyers all say he’s a good prosecutor or he was. Politics bites everyone at some point and he’s more politically than legally motivated. Course, he may also just see an opportunity.”

Steve made a face. “How likely is he to keep pushing it with you at her back?”

A wry grin twisted his lips. “I’m looking better and better to you every day, huh?”

With a half-laugh, Steve shook his head. “It was never about that.”

“I know and I don’t blame you for being irked with me.”

“Ditto,” Steve agreed with him. “But for what it’s worth, yes, you do look better to me every day because I know there’s not a rule you won’t bend to protect her.”

“Fuck bending them. We’ll get them tossed out and just write new ones.” He flipped open the top on the cooling water bottle and took a long drink.

“You’ll do that, too.”

“You won’t argue.”

“Nope,” Steve said flatly. “I’m tired of them targeting her. I’m tired of  _ anyone _ targeting her.”

“Agreed.”

They shared a look then watched as Peter tried a move on Bucky that almost worked and both winced when Bucky still sent him flying.

“That just hurts my soul,” Tony commented and Steve chuckled.

“He can handle it.” They both paused as Natasha held up a hand toward Wanda, then walked over to Peter. She said something to him and Tony would bet she was correcting his form.

Laughing, Peter shook his head as he backed toward the mat. For her part, Natasha just raised both of her brows. She was wearing a pair of capri leggings and a tank top. All workout gear. She’d abandoned her shoes and her hoodie not far from where Steve and Tony were sitting.

“Wait for it,” Steve said almost too softly. Peter was still laughing as he turned to face Bucky. Natasha looked for all the world like she was heading back to her own mat, but Bucky wasn’t watching Peter, his gaze was on her.

Three things happened at once, Peter lunged forward as Natasha started running and then she was airborne as Wanda snapped her hands out, Bucky narrowly avoided Peter’s hit, but Natasha was just there, hitting the mat, rolling up and then she was on him, her thighs locking around his waist as she flipped him and took him down.

“Holy shit!” Peter shouted and backed up laughing. Even Wanda had her hands pressed against her mouth as Bucky stared up at Natasha from the ground. The smirk on her face was adorable.

“And what did you do wrong?” Natasha challenged as Bucky grabbed her knees and squeezed. She was laughing as she tried to wiggle away, but he kept tickling her and then they were grappling, tumbling over and over vying for the top spot.

Peter leapt out of the way as she and Bucky twisted, slid, climbed and twice she got him on his back and more than once he flipped her.

“Five bucks on Red,” Tony said.

“Yeah,” Steve said slowly. “I’ll take that.”

Wanda darted out of the way as Natasha rolled backwards and then leapt to her feet. She and Bucky were moving at speed and there was a moment where she was almost a blur of motion as he lunged in and she avoided his hits, she swept his legs once, but he tumbled right back to his feet. Another time she slid between his legs and kicked him square in the ass.

They’d gone from grappling and wrestling to slap fight so fluidly it wasn’t hard to see how well they knew each other. Sam and Sharon walked in midway through the sparring match.

“Oh hell no,” Sam said as Natasha went up and over on Bucky. She had her legs locking down but he got a hand and shoulder up and then yanked her off, but she nailed him right in the chest with both feet and he had to let her go or yank her back with him.

“You know,” Tony said absently after taking another drink. “I’m putting a hundred on Red.”

Steve chuckled. “You think Bucky’s gonna throw it.”

“He might.”

“He won’t,” Steve told him. “Her safety is too important to him and she’d get even if he tried to protect her in a sparring match.”

“You have a point.”

The match continued as Rhodey arrived. Natasha had narrowly avoided a pin and she’d been limping after their last collision, but to be fair, so was Bucky.

“If she damages that arm, I’m gonna be annoyed,” Tony commented before digging out a bag of mixed fruits and nuts to munch. He offered it to Steve who glanced down then took a couple.

“She won’t.”

“If she damages _her_ I’m gonna be annoyed more,” Tony added, in all fairness.

The corner of Steve’s mouth kicked up, but he didn’t say she wouldn’t do that because they both knew better.

Both Natasha and Bucky were bathed in sweat but neither looked like they were interested in stopping. If anything, Natasha’s nearly feral smile said she was having a great time.

“You worried about Price?” Steve asked.

“Nope. You worried about that drone this morning?” They hadn’t talked about it over breakfast but since they had a minute...

“Yes and no,” Steve admitted. “I got paranoid and that bugged me a little.”

“Only because you think it turned out to be nothing.”

“You don’t—ouch—“ he paused mid-sentence and they both cringed because Natasha’s strike on Bucky was so perilously close to his groin, Tony crossed his legs. “Anyway,” Steve said with a grimace. “You think it’s okay to be paranoid. So would Nat. I agree we need the vigilance.”

“But you don’t want to see a threat around every corner,” Tony guessed.

“Even if there is one,” Steve admitted. “It’s not a comfortable life to be in threat assessment mode all the time.”

No. But it could be a longer, more productive one. He didn’t blame Steve for not wanting to live that way, but they’d all experienced classic examples of what happened when you weren’t vigilant in their lives already. 

Tony focused on Natasha as she and Bucky exchanged strikes, jabs, their fists and bodies moving faster and faster darting, avoiding, striking and then halted, both with fists just at the other’s jaws.

“I’m closer,” Natasha said and Bucky chuckled as he straightened. They were both panting and she pushed the damp hair up off her neck.

“Draw,” Bucky told her.

“I can live with it, James,” she said with a grin, then bumped his hip with hers before rising on her tiptoes to give him a kiss.

Wanda and Peter swarmed them immediately, both babbling.

“Guess neither of us wins,” Tony commented with a grin as he rose.

“Neither of us loses either,” Steve pointed out philosophically.

“This is true.”

Tony put away the snacks and took one last drink of water. He didn’t miss the look Sam shot in his and Steve’s direction as Natasha kissed Bucky. He hadn’t missed how Sam kept shooting them looks when Natasha leaned into Bucky while talking to Peter and Wanda either. 

“Wilson’s got questions.”

Steve sighed. “Yep. So does Rhodey.” He nodded to where Rhodey stood by the door, his expression just this side of unreadable.

“Good luck with yours,” Tony said, patting him on the shoulder before he headed toward Rhodey.

“You too,” Steve chuckled. “I have a feeling we’re gonna need it.”

Tony laughed. Well, he wasn’t wrong. 

“Honey Bear,” Tony called as he held out his arms. “Tell me you missed me.”

~~~

Natasha moved with Sharon over to one of that mats with Wanda and Peter following. Bucky wrapped a towel around the back of his neck as he tracked their movement. No chance he was leaving them out there to spar without some supervision. Or maybe he just wanted to pull Wilson out there. Either way, Tony leaned against the wall next to Rhodey and waited for it.

He had something on his mind.

Tony was pretty sure it had everything to do with the constellation of shifting relationships with Natasha at the center of the web. “Spit it out, Platypus before you give yourself heartburn.”

“Take a walk with me?”

“Yep.”

They pushed away from the wall and Tony caught Steve’s glance in his direction before he nodded at the door. Folding his arms, Steve gave him a quick smile before he focused on whatever Sam was telling him. Hopefully that was going better than this one.

Strolling, Tony slid his hands into his pockets. The ring on his finger had taken almost no time to get used to.

“Gonna be honest here, Honey Bear. You’re freaking me out with the silent game.”

Rhodey chuckled. “Yeah, not buying that.” The farther they got from the gym and the sounds of sparring the more relaxed Rhodey grew. “Just…worried about you.”

“I’m good,” Tony said, sliding a look at him. “We talked, you know I wasn’t making it up. I really am good with where I am right now.”

“Just… you’re married to her, she’s with them, and you’re hanging out with Steve like you’re bosom buddies.”

“You know, I’m not going to be hurt that you think I can’t handle a mature set of relationships,” Tony teased him, pressing a hand against his own chest. “But for what it’s worth, we’re all doing okay. It’s an adjustment. Steve and I—we’re friends. Took a while to get there but it’s working. Bucky and I are friends, too. Maybe we still have some ground to cover. But…”

“You’re good,” Rhodey finished for him and Tony shrugged.

“C’mon, talk to me, is this more about the Air Force? Do I get to go throw my weight around and make a nuisance of myself? Please? Pretty please? I’m so good at it.”

His best friend chuckled. “Nah, I’m good, Tony. I told you I’m all right with it.” Pausing, he studied Tony for a minute. “Truth time?”

“Haven’t been lying yet, though I can see why you might think I’d bend and stretch the truth.” The light remark only pulled a faint smile from Rhodey so Tony sighed and schooled his features. “I’m good, Rhodey. We’re good. Red and I are doing all right. Truthfully.”

“You know this is coming from a place of love, right?”

“Yeah and from a place of you wanting to give me shit for years of leaving you waiting while I got laid.”

Rhodey clapped him on the shoulder. “That too. But if you’re happy, then I’m happy, but I wouldn't recommend all that open affection for her with the other guys when you’re in public.”

“We’re not in public,” Tony reminded him as they continued, following the long hallway toward the main building. “We’re with friends. So, what else did you have up your sleeve?”

“Pepper.”

Tony only nodded. “Red and I are going to see her tomorrow. How are you two doing?”

“Uh,” Rhodey hesitated and shot him a look as he ran a hand over his shorn hair. “We’re not a we.”

No? Tony eyed him. “Okay there’s epically fast and then there’s worrisome. What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything,” Rhodey said drily. “Apparently Marc is still in the picture.”

Tony grimaced. “Blegh.”

“He’s not so bad,” Rhodey argued but Tony didn’t agree. Something about that guy rubbed him the wrong way. “But it’s good you and Nat are going to see her. Make nice and forgive her, okay?”

“Not promising anything,” Tony said lightly. “But hey, I bet Red can fix you up with someone. She loves finding dates for people.”

Rhodey groaned. “Does she know anyone who isn’t a dangerous spy?”

They both paused a beat and Tony said. “She knows Laura. I mean, she’s spy adjacent, but not a spy. Then again, she’s taken.”

Cracking up, Rhodey patted him on the shoulder. “We’re heading for your lab, aren’t we?”

“Yep, gonna run a quick maintenance scan on the pneumatics in the legs.”

“Yeah I figured.” Despite the groan, he was still smiling. “Do not let Nat fix me up with someone.”

“Eh,” Tony said. “You’d never know if she did. It’s the spy whammy.”

Kumar probably wouldn’t know what hit him either. Did he want to get rid of the guy because he was jealous or he just didn’t like him?

“Boss?” Friday said as they entered his lab. “Nat said to remind you that you are supposed to be sparring with her soon and there’s a team exercise coming up.”

Rhodey snickered at him, but Tony smiled. “Tell Red I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I need her to be nice and worn out so I can win fair and square.”

“Tony, there’s something wrong with you some days.”

“Only some days?” He made a face. “I may be slipping.”

“I hear married life does that to the best of us.” Rhodey gave it a beat. “You’re doomed.”

Best kind of doomed though. “Come on, let’s do some tests and then we can go back and you can watch my wife kick my ass. I hear it’s very entertaining.”

“Oh, I’ll make sure I grab popcorn.”

“Boss, did you want me to record Nat’s session with Sharon?” Friday asked and that was why she was his baby girl.

“Yes, please.”

“You know, if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t believe it.” Rhodey shook his head almost mournfully though humor glinted in his eyes. “From strippers to assassins.”

“What can I say? My tastes have matured.”

They locked gazes for a beat and then they both started laughing and all the tension evaporated. He wanted Rhodey on his side and he even got why Rhodey worried. But Tony was happy. 

Honestly.

For the first time in a long time, he was pleased with his life and where it was going. Especially with who he had in it. 

  
  
  



	32. We Could Be Heroes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team training, Rhodey and Nat have a talk and Nat gets some family time

**Chapter Thirty-Two**

_ We Could Be Heroes _

**Natalia/Natasha**

Natalia caught Sharon’s strike, twisted and pulled her arm behind her using the other woman’s momentum to control her. Once she had it locked, she tapped lightly against the back of her head. “And you’re dead.”

Sharon let out a laugh. “Dammit.” 

Freeing her, Natalia backed off a step and quirked a smile. “You are out of practice.”

“Very,” Sharon complained and rolled her shoulder, then stretched her arm. “Though to be fair, I’ve spent more time in offices and on watch than in combat.”

Wanda watched them from the edge of the mat, her expression intent. Natalia was sore from her sparring with James, but she’d enjoyed it way too much and it loosened her up. She still needed to build her own strength up. Muscle memory would only get her so far.

“Let’s do it again. Then I’ll walk you through what you’re doing wrong.”

Far from being insulted, Sharon grinned. She’d pulled her hair back into a ponytail and like Natalia wore a tank and workout pants. They were both barefoot. But if Natalia recalled Sharon’s file correctly, hand-to-hand was not her specialty. So she definitely needed more work in this area.

James had been watching her but headed over to spar with Steve and Peter was bouncing back and forth on his feet next to Wanda.

“Hey Sam,” Natalia called and he groaned as she crooked her finger. “You’re next.”

Sharon just laughed.

“You know, Nat, if you’re tired, I’m good to wait,” Sam offered.

“If Natalia is tired, I’ll take her spot,” James added to the mix and Sam made a face. Natalia just laughed and pivoted to face Sharon.

“Ready?”

“You’re not tired, are you?” Sharon asked, surprised and with respect in her eyes.

Natalia shrugged. “I’m sore. But I expect to be. These are good warm-ups. You and Wanda would be a good pairing for sparring while you’re both working on your hand-to-hand.”

At her name, Wanda perked up and Natalia winked at her.

“For now,” Natalia said as she focused on Sharon. “Try to take me down.”

“Oh, yay for me.” Sharon’s dry response made Peter laugh, but Natalia focused as the other woman lunged.

Taller by almost five inches, Sharon also had a longer reach. But size was not to her advantage if she couldn’t land the hits. Natalia moved inside her reach and caught her arm, twisted and her legs around her and flipped her. They hit the mat with Sharon pinned and her arm in a lock.

With a huffing laugh, she said, “I know what I’m doing wrong.” At her pat, Natalia released her.

“And that is?”

“Fighting you hand-to-hand, that’s what I’m doing wrong.”

Peter burst out laughing and so did Wanda, with a shake of her head, Natalia moved to her feet. Then offered Sharon a hand. As she pulled her up, she said, “No, what you’re doing wrong is you go straight in to engage directly. That gives me all the room to assess then take down. Sometimes you have to be patient and force your opponent to come to you.”

Sharon shot her a skeptical look and Natalia rolled her head from side to side.

“For example, Sam…” she turned. “You’re up.”

“Man. You’re totally going to humiliate me, aren’t you?” But the grin he wore was so full of good cheer, she had to laugh.

“Probably, but it’s a worthy sacrifice.”

Giving them room, Sharon retreated to the side and grabbed her water bottle. “I tired her out for you Sam, you got this.”

“Pfft. I don’t even think Bucky over there tired her out. Now maybe she’d sparred both him and Steve, I’d have some room to maneuver.”

Snorting, Natalia gave him a bland look. “You think I can’t take all of you on?”

“That’s a trap, Wilson,” Tony called as he and Rhodey strolled back inside. “Do not tempt the wrath of Red.”

Natalia flicked her fingers in his direction. “You’re next, Shellhead.”

“I know,” he said with a grin. “Notice, I’m here and everything.”

Laughter eddied around the room. Sam slid off his shoes and stood on the mats. “So, are you going to make me look good for a few seconds before handing me my ass or are you going to make me work for it?”

“I don’t know. Why don’t you show me what you got?”

He shifted his weight and then lunged forward, but didn’t complete the action, instead he shifted to the side. It was a good maneuver, designed to throw his opponent off balance. The pivot, shift of his weight and then the kick back toward her was also an excellent move.

But one he’d used before, she dropped and slid under his leg and popped back up, but he was already moving away from her. Proving her point to Sharon that you lasted longer if you didn’t close the distance, he had a longer reach, just like Steve and James. He could afford to narrow the gap and move away without getting too close, but it also meant he had to keep moving.

The question of whether she chased or not, was not what she focused on. Instead, she said, “Sam keeps moving. He’s more hit and run than he is direct engagement. This works as a fighting style particularly because of his pararescue days.”

“Thank you,” he said as he closed the distance.

“But it also makes his timing critical.” Natalia darted around him as he tried to sweep her and she kicked him square in the ass as he moved away. That sent him stumbling and when he mock-glared at her she gave him an impudent look. Neither of them was being very serious at the moment. “Sam’s got some advantages. He’s taller and has a longer reach—just like you do.” She motioned to Sharon. “That means he doesn’t have to get as close to me to land a hit.”

This time, she took the strike and Sam grimaced when the blow rolled off her shoulder and she tumbled back then flipped up to her feet. “Girl, I am not actively trying to get my ass kicked. You don’t have to demonstrate how it looks when someone actually manages to get you.”

“Shush,” Natalia teased him. “I’ve been hit harder in the mall trying to get to the last Cabbage Patch doll.”

His snort echoed across the room. “You’re making that up.”

“You’ll never know.” She winked. “The point is, with a longer reach, my opponent can tag me in combat without getting so close I can strike with a fist. But your fists aren’t your only weapons.”

This time, she moved away from Sam when he came, almost running before she whirled and his ‘oh, shit’ look nearly made her laugh aloud as she hit him high, legs locking and then flipped them both over.

All the air went out of him, though she took most of the fall on herself to minimize hurting him. “Speed,” she continued, legs locked as Sam lay there half-laughing and half-groaning. “Swift changes. Hit and run works, but only as long as your opponent wants to run away or decides to chase you. If they change the rules, you have to change them, too.”

Sam tapped her thigh. “Point made. I yield.”

“Not done yet,” Natalia teased him and flicked his nose. “You’re getting sloppy. Six months ago, I couldn’t have gotten you the first time like that, you would have run the other way.”

He glared at her. “Don’t tell her  _ that _ . Running away isn’t sexy.”

“I don’t know,” Tony commented. “Depends on your point of view. Lying flat on your ass isn’t sexy either.”

“But I got her legs around me,” Sam retorted. “Not that I was going for that.”

Everyone laughed, even Peter.

James appeared in her periphery and squatted down to look at him. “The problem you’re all having is you want to fight Natalia on  _ her _ terms.”

She grinned at him. “And now you’re going to give away all my trade secrets.”

“Never, Kotyonok.” He winked then held out his hand. She unlinked her legs and let Sam up then let James pull her to her feet. “The point Natalia is trying to make to all of you. Each of you has strengths, you each have skills you rely on, you need to build on those, but also expand to meet new challenges.”

“More or less,” Natalia said, interlocking her hands behind her and stretching. “Sharon, you and Wanda should spar. Work on grips and holds. Wanda knows several now and she can walk you through them.” When Wanda shot her a surprised look, Natalia grinned. “You do know them. One way to reinforce that learning is to teach someone else. Sharon’s also very good at kick strikes. So I expect to see her showing you those and you can work on the speed bags to build up the kick strength.”

“I can help,” Peter offered and Natalia shook her head. “You’re with Steve. Boxing.”

“Boxing?”

Steve chuckled. “Working on different skills, Pal. Come on. You can take a hit and so can I.”

Peter shot her a hopeful look, but Natalia waved him on. “Go on. I’ve got Tony and then we’re doing the team exercise.”

“Excellent,” Clint called as he strode into the room. “That means I get to eat popcorn and watch.”

Natalia grinned as Wanda let out a laugh and she abandoned Sharon to give him a hug.

“Hey man,” Sam called.

“Welcome back,” Steve told him and Natalia waited as the others slapped him on the back or shook his hand. When his gaze hit hers, she smirked.

“Where’s my favorite Barton?”

“They’re still in Iowa. Gonna pick them up after we run our errand. Want to go with?”

“I might be convinced.”

“Go kick Tony’s ass and save some for me.” He groaned and she patted his stomach. It was still pretty tight, but he’d definitely not been working out.

“You might want to hit the treadmill and cut back on the carbs.” Winking, she pivoted and laughed when Clint blew raspberries in her direction.

“It’s on now, Nat.”

“Of course, it is,” she said with a glance over her shoulder. “Don’t worry. I’ll go easy on you.”

He flipped her off and her grin grew.

She’d missed having him around. When she met Tony’s gaze, he grinned and spread his hands. “I’m all yours.”

“Then come and get me, Stud. Time to put your money where your mouth is.”

“Five hundred says Clint wins one of his matches.”

“Hey, no pressure there, Tony,” Clint called. “But we’ll put five hundred of his money on him, to win at least one, too.”

“Then I’ll put a thousand on you.”

Natalia rolled her eyes. “Would you two like to spar and I can get the popcorn?”

They both grinned. “Two against one?”

“I can handle it.”

“On the next round,” Clint said as he dropped to sit and lean back. “I need to stretch.” And by stretch, he meant to put his feet up. “Besides, Bucky’s beating up on Sam over there and that could be entertaining.”

Natalia swept the training room with a look. Everyone had a partner and worked out. Some of them were laughing—like Wanda and Sharon, some were sweating like Sam, some were serious like Steve and Peter, and some were just flat amused—like James. But he wasn’t giving Sam too hard of a time.

“It’s good to have everyone back, huh?” Tony asked quietly.

“It really is.” She locked her gaze on Peter and blew out a breath. It was good to have him with all of them, being a part of it. “Work now. Play later.”

“Private bet?” Tony asked.

Eyebrows raised, she said, “What did you have in mind?”

“Open option? Favor card. If you win all the matches, you get it. If I win one, I get it.”

“You know you have a problem, right?”

“Everything’s a competition, Red. You know that.”

She grinned. She did know that. “Fine, open option. One favor. No questions asked. Not that you need to win one from me to get it.”

“Ditto, but it’s more fun this way.”

“Are you two gonna spar or make out?” Clint called. “Cause we gotta keep it PG-13 in here. There are kids present.”

Natalia flipped him off with a grin even as Peter groaned.

“Still happy to have him back?” Tony asked.

“Definitely. Now, come and get me.”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

~~~

By the time she sparred Tony for five rounds and Clint for three, Natalia’s limp from sparring with James had grown more pronounced. Enough that Steve gave her a look when it came to running the team exercise.

She’d sat it out, but ran comms and kept her leg up with ice on the ankle. It hurt, but it wasn’t so bad she couldn’t survive on it. She’d fought with worse injuries during the Battle of New York, but she wasn’t going to push it because she didn’t have to. Besides, sitting out also gave her a better view of everyone’s progress.

There were a few areas where they needed work. Not everyone relied on everyone else. James tended to be more lone wolf, that made sense. Tony wanted to rush every engagement. Wanda held back. Peter was—everywhere. Though he got distracted more than once. Sam was, too, his attention more on where Sharon was than on his own stakes. Clint and Steve both handled their parts fine and for the most part, they worked together, but it was rough.

More team exercises. They could pull it together but they weren’t a well-oiled machine. Rhodey slid into the chair next to her and set down a mug of coffee for her. “I’m surprised you let me get out of this,” Rhodey said as he motioned to the screens.

“You don’t want to dive in yet if you can help it. You’re too hesitant. If push comes to shove, you’ll show up but you’re worried that your legs are going to give out.”

Rhodey paused with the mug halfway to his mouth. She took a sip of her coffee then added, “And right now, everyone is willing to let you have that because you had a traumatic injury and you’re doing amazing. But the only one who can get you back out there is you.”

Setting the mug down, she adjusted one of the views so she could track James tracking Steve. They’d been playing cat and mouse for the last ten minutes.

“Have you told Tony?” Rhodey said after a long moment of silence and she glanced at him.

“No, but I think it’s a safe bet he knows.” They hadn’t discussed it, but Tony spent a lot of spare time tweaking the hardware for Rhodey’s legs and more than once, she’d seen the designs up on his StarkPad as he looked at modifications he could add.

Mug down, Rhodey leaned forward one hand over his mouth as he studied the screens. “I’ve been back out there.”

She nodded, he had.

“Was out there when we came to get you with the Mandarin.”

“I know. Extreme circumstance.”

His jaw tightened. “I was there to help with the cleanup in L.A. and San Francisco.”

“And you’ve been logging a lot of miles between here and D.C. dealing with the Committee and Congress. You helped with getting James his pardon and to get him his life back.” Natalia slanted a look toward him. “Rhodey, I think you’re amazing. I’m not judging.” She motioned to her ankle. “I’m sitting out right now of my own volition.”

“Steve doesn’t want you hurting yourself more.”

“I know. But when has that ever stopped me in the past?”

He gave her a quick smile. “You know…fine. You’re right. I’m holding back. I don’t want to cause an issue if something goes wrong in the field. All it took was a moment of distraction by Vision.”

“I get that. If it takes you time, it takes you time. We’re all here for you.”

He shook his head. “You know, I thought Tony was crazy but—you two really are working out, aren’t you?”

“Well, we are married,” she told him with a faint grin. “And I care about him.” If anyone would call her on it, it would be Rhodey and she didn’t mind that challenge. He and Tony had been friends for a long time.

A very long time.

“Don’t hurt him.”

“I don’t want to hurt him,” she promised. “I never have.”

“Well, you could.”

“I know.”

He focused on the screens and they both snorted when James landed on Steve from above.

“Just—Tony hides it, but he’s got a big heart. He opens himself up to very few people. And he’s been hurt before. Badly.”

“I’ve hurt him before,” she said what he wouldn’t.

“Yeah, when you turned out to be working for SHIELD and then again when you let them go.”

“I can’t change the past. Some of it I wouldn’t.” She would still have let Steve and James go. That whole situation had just been bad for all of them, Tony included.

“No, me neither. Admittedly, the not walking thing was a hit I didn’t expect. But it’s the hits we take for doing the job.”

Natalia glanced over at him after Tony dropped Peter right into a snowdrift. The chatter on the comms made them both smile. “We can’t always control what happens, only how we respond.”

“You’re with three guys Nat, I’m not going to pretend to know how that works. Tony’s made his peace with Steve and Bucky and that’s awesome, but you’re right in the middle of all of that and if this goes sideways—I don’t see him being the one who comes out intact on the far side of this.”

She turned that over in her mind but didn’t shy away from his stare.

“I’m not saying make me a promise you can’t keep or make me any kind of promises at all. I like you—I think we became friends there for a while and we could still be friends. We work well together. But Tony’s my best friend. I’m always going to side with him.”

“I get that. I respect that. I hope we can still be friends, too.” The chatter exploded on the comms as James and Tony mowed through half the team and poor Sam took it in the face as it devolved from training exercise to snowball fight.

She chuckled.

“They’re all five,” Rhodey said almost mournfully.

“Yeah, but they’re a fun five,” she murmured. “Rhodey… I meant it when I said I care about Tony. I care about all of them. I’m not lying to anyone on this. They all know where they stand and we’re all talking. I want to protect him, too. I won’t let anyone hurt him again. Not if I can stop them.”

He met her gaze for a long moment then nodded. “Then you and me, we’re going to be alright.”

The corner of her mouth ticked up. “Is there something I could do for you?”

“Unless you can find a way to get rid of Marc Kumar that doesn’t cause Pepper any pain, not really.”

Intrigued, Natalia raised her eyebrows. “You and Pepper?”

“No, not as long as Kumar’s in the picture. You know, I had a thought when she came back without him. But he’s here again and they seem tight.”

“I only met him briefly at the holiday party.”

Had that really been only a couple of months earlier? It seemed so much longer.

“Yeah well, I’ve only talked to him a couple of times.”

“You don’t like him.” It wasn’t a question.

Rhodey shrugged. “I don’t have to like him and I’m probably biased.”

She shifted her ankle and moved the ice so it was keeping the cold right on the aching spot. “Well, if you like Pepper, I can see being biased. But Rhodey, you’re a colonel in the U.S. Air Force. You’ve commanded men and women in peacetime and in battle. You’ve negotiated with higher-ranking officers and in the political arena. I’d say you’re a fairly decent judge of character and reading people.”

Rubbing two fingers against his lower lip, he met her stare. “I don’t like the guy. At all.”

“That’s all I need to know.” She’d wanted to take a closer look at him anyway because he was with Pepper but the last few months had gotten away from her. They were already planning to see Pepper the following day.

“Nat, I’m not asking you to kill the guy or anything. Just to be clear.”

Natalia smiled slowly. “I didn’t think you were.” The snowball fight had clearly gotten totally out of hand, even Steve had given up trying to corral them back into training. Wanda hit Peter with a cyclone of it but then Clint hit the tree above her with a shock arrow and she was up to her eyeballs in it. “They’re going to be freezing when they’re done. I think I’ll go make cocoa for them.”

She eased her ankle down and Rhodey caught the ice pack. “Nat, I’m serious. I don’t like the guy but…you know Pepper does.”

“I know.” Pressing a kiss to his cheek, she said, “Don’t worry. I didn’t think you were asking me to assassinate him and I’m not really freelancing at the moment anyway.”

If Kumar was a problem though, she’d remove him from the board.

“Why doesn’t that make me feel better?” Rhodey called as she headed for the kitchen.

“I don’t know,” she answered. “Sounds like you might not trust me.”

He snorted. “You know what, I’m leaving that alone.”

Pausing, Natalia glanced back. “You really like her?”

When he only nodded, she smiled.

“Then trust me. She’s my friend, too.”

“Even after…?” He raised his brows.

“Am I a fan of how she did it?” Natalia shrugged. “Doesn’t mean she isn’t a friend. Doesn’t mean I don’t care.”

Relief swarmed across his face. “Tony’s really pissed.”

“He’s hurt,” she pointed out and Rhodey sighed. “He trusted Pepper and this felt like a betrayal.”

“True.”

“She meant well, but she took a choice of his hands and out of mine. Having the right reasons, like when I let Steve and James go—doesn’t make it sting any less.”

Rising, Rhodey knocked his knuckles once against the console. “I see your point.”

“I thought you might.” Still holding the ice pack, she folded her arms. “She made a call. I don’t think she made it lightly. I don’t think she made it out of malice.” Though Natalia suspected she had also done it to force them to confront the feelings she’d believed Tony was hiding. “But she still made it and right, wrong, or indifferent, it was our lives she messed with.”

He blew out a breath and then nodded. “You working on Tony?”

“Nope,” she told him. “Tony’s a big boy. He’s going to make his own decisions and I’ll support him.”

“Thanks, Nat. Seriously—if I haven’t said it, it’s damn good to have you back.”

“Even if they snuck me in when I was a fugitive and hid me from you?” They hadn’t really talked about that.

“You know, that’s done and I yelled at them. I’m glad you’re home. I’m really glad you’re alright. We were all worried.”

“Me too.” She winked. “Now, hot cocoa? You can get first dibs since they’re still freezing their asses off.”

“Oh, sounds like a plan to me.” He rubbed his hands together and followed her toward the kitchen. 

~~~

“How’s that?” Steve asked after he’d wrapped her ankle in the ace bandage.

“It’s fine, Steve. It’ll be fine tomorrow. I just wrenched it a little and then beat it up while working out.” She poked him with the toes of her left foot and he caught that and tugged her toward him so she ended up on her back on the bed.

“Uh huh.” Though he smiled. “Have I said thank you yet for sitting out team training?”

“You mean snow wars three thousand?” she teased. “And yes, you thanked me.”

He nudged her feet apart and then dropped down to lie over her, elbows resting on either side of her and keeping his weight off. After the snow fight and the hot cocoa she’d plied them with when they came back inside, they’d all diverted with her and the guys heading back to the Tower for showers, dinner, and planning. After brunch the following day, she and Clint would sit down with Maria and work out that plan.

“Yeah, that didn’t quite work out how I planned,” he murmured. “Though I want to thank you again.” He dropped a kiss above her eye, then to the tip of her nose then to the corner of her mouth tickling her with each brush of his beard. “Thank you for not overdoing it.”

Natalia chuckled and ran her hands up his back as she hooked her leg against his hip.

“Thank you for working with everyone, too,” he murmured before he kissed her. The long, slow brush of his lips against hers more a tease. He nipped her lower lip gently. “Thank you for the hot cocoa.”

Laughter eddied up through her.

“Thank you for trusting me with Peter.”

She frowned a little and slid her hands up to fist his hair gently. “Of course, I trust you with Peter.”

His eyes gentled. “You checked on us a half-dozen times when we started sparring.”

“I checked on everyone.”

“But you checked on us repeatedly.” He traced his fingers against her cheek. “Then you relaxed and you let me work with him on boxing. You corrected everyone else—even Buck and Sam, but not us.”

“You know how to box,” she pointed out. “And you’re a good teacher.”

“Angel,” Steve chided her gently.

She blew out a breath and tilted her head back. Looking at him from beneath her lashes, she said, “And I would only be distracting both of you if I kept intervening. I want you and Peter to like each other.”

“I do like him,” he promised. “I liked him before, you know.”

“Yeah, I do.” She made a face. “I don’t want to do to him what you all try to do to me.”

“Smother you in affection.”

“And bubble wrap.”

“Well, in fairness Angel, the last few months have been tough.”

“I know, it’s why I’m cutting you guys some slack.” She grinned and he kissed her again.

“We appreciate it.”

The shower cut off and James strolled out of the bathroom with a towel hooked around his waist and another around his neck. “Stevie also appreciated that you weren’t out there to see me trounce him in the snow.”

Natalia laughed as Steve nuzzled another kiss. “She was listening to comms. And you didn’t trounce me.”

“No, I’m sorry soltnce moya, he totally trounced you. You never saw him coming from above.”

Steve grumbled but she locked her legs when he would have levered himself up. “It’s a good thing I love you.”

“It is,” she agreed with him.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, James studied the pair of them. “Weren’t you supposed to be cooking dinner, Punk?”

Steve grinned. “Tony and Peter wanted to hit the lab for an hour so he ordered food in. We’re supposed to head up to the penthouse in a bit.”

“Then we have time…” James began sliding her a heated look just as the elevator dinged.

“Try not to all be naked at the same time,” Clint called. “But I’m showered, changed, and I need a beer and my best friend.”

Steve let out a breath and put his forehead to her shoulder as James scowled. “To be continued,” he muttered and she laughed.

When he pressed a hot kiss to her lips, she grinned wider and then Steve nuzzled another kiss before he let her up and pulled her to her feet. “Ankle good?”

She tested the wrapping. “It works.”

“Hey Doll,” James murmured, catching her with an arm around her waist as he pulled her back. “You are staying here tonight, yes?”

“Yes, zvezda moya. Though it sounds like Clint needs to talk.”

“I think he just wants to be a pain in the ass.” The grunted words tickled her and reminded her of the first few weeks of Clint and James’ acquaintance. Armed truce didn’t quite cover it.

“And probably to make sure she’s all right. We all need to check on her.” Steve tugged her dog tags out from beneath her shirt. She had on all her rings and her bracelets too. It was a little insane how much jewelry she wore these days. The arrow necklace was also in place, she’d had the spider one on the day before.

Smiling at Steve, she leaned into James. They really hadn’t had any downtime today and she’d missed them, too even if she’d wanted to be exactly where she was the night before. The balancing would take some time to get used to for all of them.

“Beer achieved,” Clint called conversationally from the living room. “You need extraction, Nat, or you got it?” The open bedroom door wouldn’t have afforded him much of a look, but he had his back to them anyway.

Natalia chuckled as James said, “I’d like to see you try and take her away from us if we didn’t want to let her go.”

“Yeah but in that case, I’d fight dirty.”

Steve’s grin widened. “It would really come down to whose side Nat was on.”

“Mine.” James and Clint said in unison and Natalia rolled her eyes.

“You’re not putting me in the middle of any fights, so it’s a moot point.” They wouldn’t. Of that, she was absolutely certain and Steve winked. “Clint is this a social visit or do you actually need to talk to me?”

There were two kinds.

“A little of column A and a little of column B. The boyfriends are invited if they want.”

“Good,” Steve kissed her hand and James gave her a squeeze.

“I’ll get dressed.”

Natalia gave a little sigh and glanced over in time to catch him padding toward the clothes he’d left on her dresser. They hadn’t quite migrated their wardrobes in here, but it was an ongoing process. Maybe they should consider revamping the floors and create more space for all of them.

Something to think about.

Not quite limping, because the bandage and the icing earlier had helped, Natalia walked with Steve out to the living room. Clint had settled on the sofa, feet up and a beer in hand. “So,” he said without preamble. “What is the plan with Maria?”

“Tea?” Steve asked as he dropped another kiss against her mouth and she smiled.

“Yes, please.” Then she nudged Clint’s knees and he pulled his feet back long enough for her to take the other end of the sofa. “The plan is to let her take us to wherever the new SHIELD is. Since I’m fairly certain that’s what she wants us to see.”

He made a face. “And you trust her.”

Natalia shrugged. “It’s not so much about trust. She’s bending over backwards to make amends. Knowing what I know now—it’s a little pointless to hold a grudge.”

“Yeah, I know what you know now, and I’m perfectly capable of holding a grudge.” Clint tipped his beer toward to emphasize the point. The animosity between him and Maria would likely never go away. She couldn’t stop being jealous of him and Clint couldn’t stand the choices she’d made. 

“I’m with Clint on this one,” James said as he lifted her up and then set her in his lap as he sat down. She eyed him and he just stared right back.

“Be ready to share when I get over there, Buck.”

“Yep,” he said, then looked at Clint. “The plan will include us tracking, depending on how far you range, we’ll be in a quinjet and following at a respectable distance.”

“Which means within five minutes of striking.”

“Not more than ten,” Steve said from the kitchen.

“We’ll be fine,” Natalia reminded them. “If Maria really wanted to do an ambush, she’s had her shots—both with me and with Clint.”

“Nat, she ambushed you at the holiday party.”

“She let her jealousy get the better of her at the holiday party.” It was interesting how clear some things were in hindsight, especially with her memories restored. “Granted, she and Fury are still in touch, but she’s also run some missions for Friday and helped. No real questions asked. Right, Friday?”

“Correct, Nat. While I believe Ms. Hill’s intentions are honorable, I do not find fault in exercising full caution in light of the fact she hasn’t revealed more parameters of the mission.” They’d only gone over this a few dozen times between the four of them and occasionally with Clint on the phone in the last couple of weeks generally in and around planning for the party they had to host and with forays into planning Steve’s gallery opening. Of all of those talks, the last was her favorite. Tony had a lot of ideas for all of the above.

“See, Friday agrees with us.” Clint pointed his beer at her. “I want the final call on scrubbing this if I think it’s going sideways.”

“I’m not quite the daredevil I was,” Natalia reminded him. “I do actually mind if I don’t come back, now.”

His eyes widened almost comically. “Who are you and what have you done with Nat?”

“I’ve gone soft, don’t push it. I have boyfriends, now.”

“And a husband,” Clint said with a smirk and she rolled her eyes.

Steve laughed and even James chuckled. “She doesn’t need any of us to kick your ass,” James commented. 

“Fair enough.”

“So, was that all you wanted to worry about?” She studied Clint and he gave a little shrug. “Or would you like to show me whatever it is that’s in your pocket that you’ve managed to not take out twice now.”

“Dammit,” he said with a shake of his head. “Either I’m slipping or you’re getting sharper.”

“Maybe a little bit of both. I’m not the only one who is getting soft.” She nudged him with her toe and he grinned. Steve carried her tea out to her and then traded out with James so she could sit in his lap. This was kind of adorable though it could get entertaining if she had to rotate laps all evening. 

Clint fished the picture out of his pocket and said, “You good with some Daddy bragging and nerves?”

“Always.”

Not even a question for her and to her delight, he had exactly what she’d hoped he would have.

A sonogram picture. They hadn’t had one of these with Mary. Though she’d seen them with Clint’s other kids. While he couldn’t keep the pictures in his wallet, he always brought a copy to show off their new little one. 

“It’s still early,” he said with a grin. “But here…”

Her heart squeezed as she looked at the black and white picture. Steve’s arm tightened around her and James came to lean over the back of the sofa to look.

“Looks just like you,” he said.

Clint flipped him off even as he grinned and Natalia laughed.

She met Clint’s gaze and read the faintest trace of panic there and leaned forward to catch his hand. “It’s going to be great. I needed another Barton to charm since Steve stole Nate.”

“Hey,” Steve protested and James snorted.

But it was the right thing to say and she couldn’t be happier for him. “So, how long until you tell the kids?”

“Probably right after we show them the new house,” Clint admitted. “Another few weeks and we’re past the first trimester.”

Then the conversation turned to logistics, moving, and by the time Tony summoned them up for food, they were on to security systems.

A topic that Tony dove into whole-heartedly.

Natalia just enjoyed it all, even Peter’s delight at the potential arrival of a new “cousin.”

More than once her gaze snagged on Steve’s and he would grin or on James’ and he’d give her a knowing look. Even Tony seemed happier and more enthusiastic.

Peter laughed and threw in his ideas and Clint relaxed. Or at least the faint air of panic had receded.

Family.

Sem’ya.

She wouldn’t trade hers for anything.


	33. At Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody stop, it's throuple time.

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

_ At Last _

**Natalia/Natasha**

At Clint’s floor, James braced it open. Clint didn’t bother to hide his grin as he slanted a look at Natalia. “Mind if I steal you from the boyfriends for some catch-up?”

“Tempting,” Natalia told him. “But I’ll see you before breakfast. You can come work out with me.”

He made a face and Steve just folded his arms. “Good night, Clint.”

“Yep,” James added, giving Clint a ‘friendly’ pat on the back and nudging him forward. “Night.”

“Oh man, I am not feeling the love.” But his eyes were dancing. Natalia didn’t mind the teasing, but Peter and Tony were likely already buried in the lab on some new project that they’d both been enthusing over and she hadn’t really had any time with Steve and James.

“Go call Laura,” Natalia suggested. “I’m sure if you’re creative, you can both enjoy some long-distance love.”

He snorted and lifted his middle finger as he strolled off. “Yeah, yeah. I know when I’m not wanted.”

Steve chuckled. “You can see Nat in the morning. We promise.”

“Maybe,” James tacked on just as the doors closed and Natalia laughed at Clint’s face. Glancing at her, James grinned. “If you really want…”

“It’s fine,” she promised as he looped an arm around her to drag her to him. Not that it was much of a struggle. “Clint and I have a lot to discuss and if we start tonight, you probably wouldn’t see me until morning.”

“Not my favorite plan,” Steve murmured and Natalia grinned.

“No.”

The doors opened to their floor and James caught her hand as they slid out. “Friday, lock the floor down and put us in privacy mode.”

“Done, good night, Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes, Nat.”

“Good night, Friday,” Natalia said. Then it was quiet as the doors closed. Most of the lights were off save for the flickers of the fire in their no longer holographic, but very real fireplace. Apparently, there had been some modifications during their time away.

Because Tony.

Steve slid his arms around her and she leaned back against him while James still held her hand. He studied her a beat then flicked a look at Steve before returning his gaze to her. “How are you feeling? For real.”

Sighing, she considered her answer. “The waves are farther apart, but it still comes in them. Right now…I’m content. We’re home. Peter is here and he’s happy. We had a good day at the compound. I’m sore from sparring and I have the bruises to prove it.” Grief was stubborn and unpredictable like a wild animal. At the same time, she didn’t drown in it even if every time she thought of Mary she ached from missing her.

When he dropped his gaze to her ankle, she smiled.

“It’s sore but negligible. The wrapping is doing what it should. I’ll be fine by tomorrow.” 

Running his thumbs in slow circles against her abdomen, Steve murmured, “Would you be in the mood to play?”

“Depends on what you have in mind,” she murmured aware of the smile tugging at the corner of James’ lips. “Did you  _ want _ something?”

“Yes, Kotyonok. We want you. But you haven’t been in the mood for this in a while and so we are checking. If you’re not then we’ll go to plan B.”

“Oh, you have a plan B.” Delight curved through her and Steve chuckled against her back.

“We have a plan C, too.”

“Hmm. You worry about James and I plotting.”

“This is why I worry,” Steve teased, nipping her ear. “I know just how devious you can both be.”

“Strategic,” she and James corrected in the same breath. Steve huffed a laugh then pressed his lips just behind her ear and it wasn’t hard to tilt her head and just relax.

“Strategic,” Steve agreed. “Clever. Dangerous. Unstoppable when you put your minds to it.” Natalia met James’ gaze even as a hint of affectionate exasperation filled his expression. “Stubborn. Loving.” Then Steve pressed another kiss behind her ear and she closed her eyes. “Determined. Unflinching. Steadfast. Loyal.”

“Sap.” James squeezed her hand and she laughed softly.

“That’s my job,” Steve muttered, tightening his arms. “To also remind the two of you, you can also relax and just enjoy.”

“You do it well, solntce moya.” He did it more than well. If someone had told Natasha all those years ago when she had to play that stupid part as he woke for the first time in decades that she would end up here, she would have laughed. Natalia couldn’t imagine this life, not after losing James in Montana. How could Natasha have dreamed of it? Did she want to play? “I am up for whatever you want to do. I just want to see you both.”

“Yeah?” James raised his brows then cupped her face as Steve stilled. Pale blue eyes focused intently on her as he searched her expression. “You can see us from across a room.” The barest hint of a twitch to his lips betrayed the dry humor.

“True,” she admitted and made as though to disentangle herself. “And I have seen you, I guess I can go…”

The dare did what her earlier answer had not. Fire and amusement kindled in James’ gaze as Steve’s arms tightened around her. She wasn’t going anywhere. Well, not without some real effort on her part.

Conserving her energy seemed the wiser decision as James snapped his gaze up to Steve. The silent communication they shared never failed to delight her.

“Lights to thirty percent,” Steve ordered and a shiver skated down her spine at that voice. It was the same one he used when a decision had been made. Oh, this could be a lot of fun. “What’s your word?” He whispered the question against her ear and she let out a little sigh.

Tony and Peter were safe.

Clint was tucked away.

The others were safe at the Compound.

At the moment, she didn’t need to worry about any of them. Tomorrow… No, she would deal with the next day when it got there. Until then… “Stop,” she answered easily never looking away from James. The soft curling of his lips sent an answering pulse through her system.

“Strip, Natalia.” James spared her a look as Steve gave her another squeeze then released her.

“Da, zvezda moya,” she murmured as she reached for the edge of her shirt. Tugging it up and over, she didn’t let go of his gaze as he studied her. As she peeled away her clothes, Steve moved behind her.

“Nudge the heat up another two degrees,” James said as he skated his gaze over her. The playfulness in his eyes diminished as he went into assessment mode. She had bruises in more than a few places, but they were already fading. Considering she’d seen a fist-sized bruise on his back earlier, he didn’t get to talk.

Not that he complained.

Her nipples tightened under his study. Nude, she considered him as he made a twirl motion with his finger. The barest hint of amusement softened the lines of his mouth so she pivoted away from him and met Steve’s gaze where he stood by his bedroom door.

Oh, this was getting more interesting. He’d shed his shirt, but the sweatpants were still firmly in place though parked loosely at his hips. With a crook of his finger, he beckoned.

The walk from the living room to Steve’s wasn’t that far but James vanished from behind her. While she hadn’t heard him move, the awareness of him diminished.

She had to brush up against Steve to slide into his room and he paused her with one hand bracing on either side of the door, effectively trapping her against him.

After pressing a kiss to her temple, he began tracing a path down her cheek and then he touched a finger beneath her chin and she turned her face up to his, lips parted. Claiming her mouth in a searing kiss, he didn’t hesitate to delve his tongue against hers. Natalia sighed into the kiss and as tempted as she was to slide her hands up his bare chest, she kept them loose and at her side as he devoured her mouth.

This was about what they wanted. Sinking into that space enveloped her in a cushion of warmth. With a nip of his teeth, he sucked against her lower lip. His beard tickled her face and when he finally lifted his head, they were both panting a little.

“Thank you,” he murmured as he dropped the hand blocking her. “Go in and kneel for me?” The hesitation in the question twisted her heart. She could tease him and make him make it a command, but Steve’s pupils were huge against the deep blue of his eyes. Like James, he always had to know she was all right.

“Da, Solntce moya,” she murmured, savoring the way his smile grew and the flare in his eyes as she indulged herself in one kiss to his jaw before she moved to the center of his bedroom where a pillow already sat on the floor. Affection spilled through her.

It was hardly a challenge to kneel on the carpet, but the pillow would make it more comfortable. Dropping to her knees carefully, she spread her knees and settled her hands, palm up against each one.

Steve’s sigh was a reward all its own.

“You know,” he mused. “I could just go get my sketch pad and spend my night drawing her and it would be perfect.”

James chuckled. Natalia couldn’t see either of them, not directly. The pillow had been angled toward Steve’s wardrobe where the painting of her was hung behind closed doors. “You can do that if you want, Stevie, but you may have to wait while I steal a few hours with her.”

A soft snort was his only answer. They were both moving. James’ bare legs entered her direct line of sight and then he said, “Give me your jewelry, Kotyonok.”

“Bracelets, too?” It was her only question though regret tugged at her a little as she slid off his ring, then Tony’s and Steve’s dog tags. A warm hand brushed against her back to sweep her hair away and the catch on the arrow necklace came free.

“Da,” James said. He held out a hand and she placed the items in his palm one at a time before she loosened the bracelets and set them in his palm. “Friday, Natalia is going unmonitored and in privacy mode for the next few hours. She’s with us and fine.”

“Understood, Sergeant Barnes. All monitoring in standby.”

Then without moving away, James dropped to one knee and nudged her chin up. When his mouth closed over hers she leaned into the contact. It was the gentlest of brushes. A sip. A taste. Then he teased his tongue along the seam of her lips and she opened to him. His rumble of a groan sent electricity sizzling through her system.

Her Soldier. Always with her. Even when he’d been taken away.

James.

Tears burning in her eyes and he caressed her cheek, sweeping one away even as he deepened the kiss. The lost and lonely thoughts crashed against the rocks of his sweet assault and some of the pain fisting in her chest let go again until she could take deeper breaths.

Forehead to hers, he murmured, “We’re here, Kotyonok. Be here with me.”

Here.

Now.

“I am,” she promised, meeting his gaze. “Sometimes I just miss you though, even when you’re right here. I remember missing you so badly.”

He passed her jewelry to Steve, then cupped her face and kissed her again. Sharp, biting kisses interspersed with long, slow sweeps of his tongue until her pulse hammered in her ears.

“Right here,” he whispered against her mouth. “No one is taking us apart again.”

“Damn straight.” Steve’s cool assurance pulled a smile from her.

“Remember, very stubborn super soldier on our side,” James teased her. “Irritating billionaire genius, too. Neither of whom knows when to quit.”

Natalia smiled a little wider.

“Don’t count out a certain archer who was stubborn enough and persistent enough to win you over,” Steve reminded her. “And a certain boy-child who is crazy for his mom.”

“Sem’ya,” she murmured, with a little bit of a wonder. The same marvel reflected back in James’ eyes.

“Da, our family. We are not alone, Natalia. We will protect them.”

“And we’ll protect you,” Steve added.

Enough worrying. This wasn’t play if she couldn’t bring herself to let it go.

“Shh,” James told her even if she hadn’t said a word. “Trust us?”

“Da,” she said without hesitation. Then the soft blindfold dropped over her eyes and she almost chuckled. James had put it on her before, apparently, it was Steve’s turn. There was something decadent about the fact Steve would play with her like this. Even more that he enjoyed it so much. Her ass stung in a heated reminder of the way he spanked. If he hadn’t enjoyed it, she would never have asked him to do it again, but there was no denying the pleasure in his eyes.

“Just relax,” Steve said as he smoothed a hand over her hair and then tested the blindfold. “Comfortable?”

“Hmm-hmm,” she said with the faintest of smiles.

“That’s one, Kotyonok,” James warned. “Truth only.”

“No teasing?” She almost pouted.

Steve nipped her ear. “That’s two.”

“Oh, you say that like it’s a bad thing.”

Their huffs of laughter gave them away but James pinched her nipple with just the hint of pain. “Three, Natalia, would you like to keep going?”

Head tilted back, she murmured, “How long until I get to ten?”

That earned her a pinch on her ass then a stroke of knuckles along her instep. “The ankle okay in this position?”

Honestly, she’d forgotten all about it. “I think so,” she admitted around the little warm bursts of pleasure from the nips of pain. “Should I test it so you both don’t worry?”

“Yes,” they said in the same breath. Thankfully, the mask hid her rolling eyes as she rose. Aware of their closeness as she brushed against James’ chest and then Steve’s as she stood.

Her ankle gave no protest. She flexed her feet and went up on point then down again. “I believe it’s fine.”

“Good,” was Steve’s only warning before four, hot stinging slaps rained against her ass. The sharpness caught her off guard and her breath hissed out of her. Then he massaged each cheek. “Still want ten?”

Giddiness swirled through her a moment before James pressed a kiss to her belly. There was a moment’s pause as he rested his lips there and she could almost taste his regret. Dropping her hand into his hair, she fisted it and held his face to her and then the tension went out of him as he kissed her belly again.

“Whatever you want, soltnce moya,” she murmured, even as she carded her fingers through James’ hair. The action to kiss her belly brought up so many poignant reminders, each one a promise of a jagged cut but she wouldn’t have him pull away or refrain. She craved the contact as much as he wanted to offer it. This was who they were.

“Hold on to Bucky,” Steve said after a brief pause. Maybe he was giving them the time. James leaned away from her then stood. His hands found hers and he took a step back and she leaned into his grip, trusting he wouldn’t let her fall as he stretched forward.

The position canted her ass out and she had to bite back a grin. It was probably a good thing she wasn’t remotely shy even if there was a sliver of vulnerability present in being blinded, her hands controlled and off-balance. She didn’t doubt for an instant they’d catch her.

The spanking didn’t come like she thought it would, instead, Steve ran his hands up her thighs, over her ass and then along her spine. He added the barest amount of pressure for her to flatten her back. The brush of him moving around her was almost as teasing as the way James stroked his thumbs in circles against the side of her hand.

“Natalia.” Command etched into James’ voice demanded her attention. She’d been drifting, floating on the relaxed sea of sensation they were evoking. Something soft wrapped around her right forearm, just above her wrist, then it looped again, and again. “Can you feel this?”

“Hmm,” she answered. Awareness carried with it a whole new set of sensations. From her right arm, he moved to her left. The stretch put pressure on her calves, but she didn’t shift her angle, relaxing as the looping went over her left forearm. “Yes.”

“Not your wrists,” Steve promised stroking a thumb over the inside of her wrist.

No. It didn’t bother her in the slightest. He kept moving, then James released hands as they had her straighten. The loops came around her middle, then across her chest. There was something soothing as Steve kept winding the silk rope around her. It was definitely the ropes. Someone must have finished their studies. When he slid the rope crosswise to frame her breasts, her nipples tightened further.

James’ chuckle rolled over her. “Someone is enjoying this.”

“Yes,” Steve admitted. “I am. This is… different.”

“I meant Natalia, Punk,” James teased and Steve chuckled.

“I noticed that, too.” He slid a hand right between her legs and traced a finger along her labia and Natalia sighed at the teasing contact. She was soaked and there was no mistaking it for anything else. “Then again, this is also fun.”

James laughed. “Well, keep going then. I want to see how you plan to finish this.”

There was something kind of soothing about being discussed in the abstract while Steve continued looping the soft ropes around her. He avoided her throat and her wrists, but then he shifted her to crook her elbows before he arched her arms up and then she was being suspended lightly first by her arms then by her hips.

“Okay,” James murmured from a farther distance away. “That’s really nice.”

Steve smoothed a hand over her ass. “It looks even better than in the book. How are we doing, Angel? Still comfortable?”

“Hmm,” she smiled. “I feel like I’m floating.” Having been suspended for interrogation before, this was nothing like that. There was nothing solid beneath her. Her arms weren’t being yanked out of their sockets, and the support to her hips had her back arched gently, her arms stretching out and then he worked her legs until they were suspended, too.

In her mind, the position made her think of leaping off a building. Or doing a high dive.

“You’re thinking about New York,” she murmured, a little surprised.

Steve trailed a finger up the inside of her leg. “You were spinning when you made that leap and going up.”

“Flying.”

The brush of his beard to her shoulder teased her just before he kissed her. “You flew right off my shield.”

She grinned.

Even in the midst of the battle, exhausted and pushed, there had been something truly exhilarating about racing forward and trusting his strength to throw her high enough even as she leapt.

There was a single snap, followed by another, then another. A laugh spilled out of her.

Steve or James or both. Natalia let her head fall, relaxing against the suspension as they moved around her. The rustle of fabric whispered across her then a hand collided with her ass and she arched against the contact. The hot zing pulsed right through her. Then a second hand slapped the other cheek, both lingered long enough to massage away the pain and let the heat sink into her bones.

Her heart did a little flip as they alternated turns, Steve on the right, she thought and James on the left. The callouses on James’ right hand were different from Steve’s. The dig of his fingers, the way he spread the heat demanded her muscles acquiesce while Steve tended to coax and soothe.

She lost count, not that she’d be tracking, every strike sending her a little higher. There was no gravity to balance against. Even when she would have floated away, they steadied her. Heat stroked against her nipples and then the hot suck of a mouth had her hissing as it pulled all her focus toward earth. She barely grounded when James gripped her hips from behind.

Steve held her front and then James pushed into her in one relentless thrust. The orgasm rattling through her took her completely off guard. She hadn’t even realized how close to the edge she tumbled. The ropes seemed to sway with her as James thrust into her and when she floated forward, two fingers brushed against her lips and she opened to suck against them.

A low laugh greeted the action because James pushed her against the fingers as he found his rhythm. Gathering her hair, Steve lifted her head a fraction and then replaced his fingers with his cock and she opened to take him in.

The heavy weight on her tongue, the smell of him her nostrils and the feel of James fucking into her rolled together. The next orgasm had her gasping around Steve’s cock as he eased up only long enough for her to grab a breath and then she relaxed her mouth to let him thrust. They rocked her back and forth between them until her mind floated almost as decadently as her body.

Their shaking as they came flooded her and she choked and swallowed until Steve and then James went still, their panting breaths filling the room around her.

She still floated as the ties loosened. Shudders rocketed through her system as they lowered her and then Steve cradled her before he carried to the bed. Between them, they made short work of freeing the ties and Natalia laughed softly as Steve began to massage one arm and James the other. She hadn’t lost any sense of feeling, but it was so nice.

When the mask came free, she stared up at them, still smiling. “So…” Her voice came out really husky. “I’m going to guess you missed me, too.”

Kissing her once, Steve chuckled. “You could say that.”

“I think I just did.” She groaned as James ran a hand along her side. “That feels nice.”

They laid there like that for a while, just petting each other while they cooled. Her whole body was soaked in sweat and still tingling. Well, mostly they petted her until the bonelessness in her body eased and she could roll onto her stomach. Then she took turns peppering kisses along them.

Eventually, she let James pull her up and then when he tossed her over his shoulder and gave her a gorgeous view of his ass, she laughed as he carried her toward her bathroom.

They piled into her tub and she was missing the bathroom at the Cliff House, still, she liked sprawling across them, too.

“Hey,” she said, tracing her toes against Steve’s chest. “I wanna see the pictures.”

“Nope,” Steve said, his smug grin adorable. “Those are for us alone.”

“Awww,” Natalia pouted. “But I didn’t even get to see the ropes.” Those had also vanished while they lay in Steve’s room. “So mean.”

“Something to look forward to later,” James promised. “Though I’m appreciating the fact Stevie let me play.”

Steve snorted. “We’re not closing the doors on each other.”

No, they really weren’t.

“Though,” Steve said slowly, eyeing her. “How comfortable was that? Really?”

“Hmm—I liked it. I wasn’t uncomfortable. Maybe if my head had dangled for too long, but even that allowed me to stretch and shift.” The speculative look in his eyes made her smile. “Want to sketch me like one of your French girls all trussed up?”

“Yes,” he exhaled without even a hint of a flush and Natalia laughed.

“If you paint that one,” James murmured. “I want it.”

She tilted her head back to look up at him. “You get the real thing.”

“I do, but I also want to be able to see it whenever the desire strikes and Steve paints you beautifully.”

Curiosity speared her and she glanced at Steve with her eyebrows raised. Had he shown James the painting in his bedroom?

“Yep,” Steve answered her unasked question. “I showed him, Angel. We were actually discussing where we wanted to hang it.”

A little thrill skated over her. “You know, I almost wish I could paint. I’d love to do nudes of the two of you.” Tony would pose in a heartbeat. That could be amusing. “My own version of pin-up guys.”

The red darkening Steve’s face delighted her especially as the flush spread up his neck to his ears. He covered her foot against his chest and then stroked his hand over her ankle. “I’d love to offer to do that, but I’m not that engaged in painting us nude.”

She grinned. “Alas, I shall just have to indulge myself. Maybe I can get a few snapshots of my very own—you know—for me to enjoy.”

If she’d thought his flush had been deep before it was positively cherry now and James laughed behind her. “Stop torturing, Stevie, Natalia. It’s not nice.”

“Oh, you think I’m not serious?” She glanced up to him and grinned wider. “I know where every scar on your bodies are. I’ve made a point of memorizing them.” She never wanted to forget again. “Doesn’t mean a girl can’t want some eye candy…”

This time it was Steve who chuckled. “Not going to work, Angel. Maybe I’ll save that for when I need to make up with you. A special surprise.”

“Party poopers.” But even she couldn’t quit grinning. The bath was nice, they languished for a little longer then migrated to the shower. After she braided her damp hair back and pulled on one of James’ shirts before they wandered back to the living room for snacks and a nip of the Asgardian mead Steve had smuggled back for them.

One piece after another, she slid her jewelry back on and then tortured them both with a rendition of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Her sides hurt so badly from laughing and singing that she doubled over at one point—particularly when James asked if Steve was supposed to be Rocky.

Oh. Yeah.

Still, they were sweet and watched it all the way through before banning it for at least another year. Although, Steve conceded that he’d watch it once a year with her if it made her laugh that hard each time.

She checked in with Friday before they drifted into the bedroom. Tony and Peter were still in the lab but the AI promised she was kicking them both out by 1 a.m. since she and Tony had brunch with Pepper the next morning.

“Go running with us in the morning?” Steve asked as she settled between them.

“Maybe,” she said. “I was thinking I wanted to dance.”

It was a part of her regular routine.

James popped his head up and eyed her. “We can go running later,” he told Steve.

“Damn, I see how fast I lose your interest when it’s run with me or watch Nat dance.”

She laughed when James hit Steve with a pillow. “Like you weren’t thinking the same thing…”

“Oh, I was definitely thinking the same thing,” Steve retaliated, hitting James back. The split-second between the pillow landing and James launching at Steve with another pillow was so pregnant with laughter, it was Natalia’s snicker that served as the starting gun.

Not to be left out, she grabbed her own and went after them. The pillow fight, like one of the first ones they fought on the floor, had them moving from room to room until only feathers covered nearly everything.

She’d gotten James pinned so Steve could get the last lick in and that earned her a biting kiss and a look of exasperated affection from her Soldier.

“Don’t worry, zvezda moya, I will help you get Steve next time.”

“Hey,” the man in question protested. “No plotting.”

The mess, however, impressive, didn’t keep Steve from heading to her floor to steal pillows from her room there or keep them from shaking them off the bed before they fell into it together.

Snug with Steve at her back and James facing her, Natalia sighed.

“Wake us when you get up to dance?” James requested and she smiled.

“Da, I promise.”

“Good,” Steve murmured, pressing a kiss behind her ear. “I’ll even make you waffles tomorrow.”

“With strawberries and whip cream,” James added with a teasing wink and she grinned.

She was still smiling when she woke James first the next morning, swallowing his half-hard cock against her lips and his ragged breath revealing he was awake. Only when he was close did she begin to tease her hand along Steve. The speed at which he flipped her after James came promised he’d been awake for a while.

She eventually got to dancing.

Eventually.

Their warm-up workout was far more intense.

Tony wandered in about halfway through her first routine and he took one look at all of them and snorted. “You could at least pretend you missed me when I wasn’t there.”

All of their laughter just made her smile as she rose up on pointe. As expected, her ankle was fine and her body still hummed.

She was almost looking forward to the brunch, to brainstorming with Clint, and to getting some of the items that had lingered too long on their to-do list done. Then she looked forward to coming home to the guys even more.

Home.

The thread of that thought tangled her heart up in bittersweet longing and equally thrilling excitement.

They had so much to do.

So much they could do together…

So much they wanted. Maybe...maybe when they were all caught up, she’d have a long talk with all the doctors in her life. Maybe she’d be ready then. 


	34. I Kissed a Girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting the brunch date off to a bit of a rocky start (and more than few delays)

**Chapter Thirty-Four**

_ I Kissed a Girl _

**Tony**

“Boss, Mr. Hogan is here and pulled up out front as you asked.”

“Thanks, Baby Girl. Is Red ready?” He pulled on his jacket as he headed out of his room.

“Why don’t you tell me?” Natasha asked from where she leaned against the back of the sofa. Dressed in a deep red, long-sleeved sweater dress that hugged her and left her legs bare from the knee down, she looked… perfect. The lace paneling running between the mock neck and bust and down her arms was done in gold.

“Someone is wearing my colors,” he murmured as he continued his descent. She’d pulled her hair up into a hint of a twist though curls escaped it artfully. A pair of gold earrings with single rubies in them drew the eye, but they hardly held the attention.

The cuffs of the dress likely hid the bracelets, but she wore her rings and they stood out. Both his and the one Bucky put on her.

“You know,” he said as he slid on the jacket. “We could just blow this off, hop on the jet and go have brunch in Malibu or somewhere tropical and warm. I could have you at the island before two.”

Natasha chuckled as he slowed to a stop in front of her. Smoothing her hands over his lapel, she fixed his tie. He’d debated it, but now he was glad he wore it. It coordinated perfectly with her dress.

Friday was getting sneakier.

He liked it.

“Except,” she told him. “I’m starving and we’ve put this off long enough.”

With her hands resting against his chest, she could hardly miss the presence of the arc reactor hidden behind his tie. He’d adjusted the size so it didn’t stand out as much.

He sighed, dropping his forehead to rest against hers gently. “I really am not looking forward to this.” Yes, Pepper had her reasons. Yes, her plan seemed to have done its job. Understanding the whys and the hows and even the results didn’t change the fact Pepper had taken his trust and used it against him, no matter how well-intentioned her choices.

“I know,” Natasha soothed. “But you’re hardly going alone and as long as you avoid seeing her, you’re not going to be able to purge this anger.”

And he was angry. “You look beautiful,” he murmured.

She smiled. “Compliments will not get you out of it.”

Brushing a kiss against her lips, he chuckled. “Not even if I say you’re prettier than me?”

Natasha’s laughter washed over him.

“Seriously,” he continued, straightening and giving her a critical look. “You are and that’s a feat because we both know I’m the best looking one in the room... usually.”

“Well, I could change…”

“Don’t. You. Dare.” He liked this look on her. Covering her hands with his, he traced his finger against the rings on her left hand. “I think we should update your suit. Give you a new look, red and gold. Trust me when I say you would wear it well.”

Her indelicate snort made him grin wider. “I’m the subtle one,” she reminded him, giving his hands a squeeze. “You’re the one who makes the loud, splashy entrances.”

“We could totally work out a theme song for you, too.” They could. “A small addition here…” He trailed his fingers up to her wrist. “Friday takes over all area speakers and plays… hmm, what would be the right song for you?”

Natasha rolled her eyes. “A theme song announcing my arrival wouldn’t impede my ability to slip in undetected at all.”

“Fine,” he huffed. Still…

“Tony.”

The combination of affection and warning she could imbue into his name never failed to trail shivers up his spine. “Not even just a little riff or three?”

Natasha raised her eyebrows. “You can do one for the reception when we enter.”

“Yes,” he said with a little fist pump of triumph. “You do love me.”

Her soft laughter and rolled eyes didn’t rob the concession of anything. “Yes, I do. Now, enough delaying. You wanted to make a show of this, right?”

“Yep and…” The elevator dinged announcing Peter’s arrival. “Right on time, Pete. We have to drop Peter at home on our way.”

“We’re taking Peter back to Queens?”

Yeah, he hadn’t mentioned that though he and Peter had discussed it the night before.

“I hope that’s okay, Mom. Tony and I talked about it last night,” Peter said, shooting him a look before glancing at her.

“Of course it’s not a problem,” Natasha said, pinching Tony’s arm enough to sting but it probably wouldn’t bruise. Probably.

So busted.

Peter paused, studying them. “You both look great. I feel radically underdressed.” He motioned to his own jeans, t-shirt, and a jacket.

“Well, if you wanted to join us…”

“Tony.”

Yeah. He didn’t think Natasha would let him get away with that.

“We’d love to have you join us,” Natasha continued smoothly. “But this is probably not a conversation you need to be a part of.” She moved away from Tony to give Peter a hug. The kid wrapped around her with a look of profound happiness.

Tony got that.

He really did.

Leaning back, Natasha studied the kid. “You didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

The red flush to Peter’s cheeks gave him away before he admitted, “I was on the phone late—you know after Tony and I got done in the lab.”

“Uh huh. How is Wanda?” Natasha asked as she picked a piece of imaginary lint off his shirt.

“She’s good,” Peter ducked his chin. “We’re going to try and see a movie next weekend. She said she’d come over to the Tower and we might have a date night.”

Might have a date night?

Tony raised his eyebrows.

“Really?” Nothing could be gleaned from Natasha’s tone. “Out or in?”

With a wince, Peter said, “Out would be okay, right? There’s this great theater out in Queens and one of my favorite places to eat is there and I know I can’t drive but…”

The words ‘I can send a car’ were on the tip of Tony’s tongue, but he bit them back for the moment.

“I’m sure she’ll enjoy whatever you pick,” Natasha told him. “And I don’t doubt that the car arrangements can be made.” With a glance at Tony that told him she knew what he was thinking, she said, “Right, Tony?”

“Definitely. Just clear it with May since your mom signed off on it.”

“Yes!” Peter’s excitement was contagious as he gave her another hug.

Tony slid his hands into his pockets, enjoying the softness Natasha let display with the kid. Introducing them had been one of his best ideas  _ ever _ . Course, taking the kid to Germany looked worse and worse for him in retrospect.

“C’mon, moy umnyy,” Natasha pulled his attention back to the present as she collected her leather coat from the hook by the elevator. He hadn’t even noticed it hanging there but he liked that. He liked having her things around.

She lived more or less on Steve’s floor, but maybe they could make some changes to the Tower. It wasn’t like he couldn’t afford it and she had her own floor, too. Half-designing in his head, he caught the jacket from her and held it up.

“We’re going out front, Pete,” he said absently. “So keep it contained.”

Peter’s eyes widened.

“You’re Tony’s intern,” Natasha reminded him. “It’s perfectly reasonable for you to be with us.”

The corner of Peter’s mouth kicked wider. “True and you’re Tony’s wife now so it’s even more reasonable that I know you.”

Hands on Natasha’s shoulders, Tony grinned as his gaze snagged on Peter’s. “Yes it does, in fact—starting tomorrow, you’ll be interning for both of us.”

The light in Peter’s eyes made Tony’s smile widen.

Natasha shot him a warning look, but Tony didn’t back down. “It gives you two more reasons to hang out and less worry about the relationship being outed.”

“True,” she conceded. “Though being an Avenger did that, too.”

“Not as nicely tied in a bow as this does. The more time he spends at the Tower covers him with Steve and Bucky, but I know you worry about how it looks when he’s with you.”

There was no point in denying it, Natasha was too protective.

“It’ll be fine, Red, trust me. When have I ever led you wrong?” He gave that a beat to hang out there. “You know what, scratch that. Just trust me. We got this.”

She snorted, then twisted and gave him a kiss. Tony’s heart did a fist bump with his ribs. “I trust you, Shellhead.”

He was still grinning wide as she led the way into the elevator.

“Just don’t get cocky.”

“Hey,” he countered following them as Peter snickered. “I do cocky really well.”

When he interlocked his fingers with hers, she wore a little smirk. “Yes,” she admitted. “You definitely do.”

Satisfied, Tony leaned back against the wall with Natasha next to him and Peter hiding another laugh at their expense as the elevator descended.

“Mr. Hogan is ready with the car, Boss, and security is alerted that you’re on your way down. Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes slipped out into the crowd as did Mr. Barton.”

Natasha laughed softly.

That made sense.

“How much of a crowd?”

The elevator doors opened before Friday could respond and Tony raised his brows. It was nearly as thick out there as it had been when he and Natasha were heading to the U.N.

“Oh, this looks fun,” Natasha murmured.

“We’re not taking questions,” Tony decided on the fly. He’d originally thought they’d do a soft re-entry, but the thickness out there was anything but soft. “Pete, maybe we should have you head out the garage and we’ll pick you up when we’re clear.”

“We won’t be clear of that,” Natasha stated. “There’s a couple of news vans. They likely have a follow car or bike or three.”

Tony grimaced.

“It’ll be fine,” she told him and squeezed his hand, then canted her head to look at Peter. “Backpack on.”

The kid slid his arms through the straps rather than let it dangle.

“Right behind us,” Natasha told him. “Until we’re halfway to the car, then I’m going to drop back while Tony shows off a little and you’ll offer me an arm since I’m in heels.”

The cover made sense even if Natasha’s balance was hardly off because of the heels.

“If anything goes wrong,” she continued. “You let us protect you, clear?”

Rebellion twisted Peter’s face, but Tony stared at him the same way Natasha did. “Agreed, Kid. You let Red and I do the heavy lifting. That’s also what security is for, got it?”

Swallowing once, Peter bobbed his head. “I’m officially lodging my complaint on the last part.”

“Duly noted, you’ll still do it, however.” Natasha’s tone brooked zero arguments and even Tony straightened his spine as the defiance in Peter’s expression erased.

“Yes,” he said slowly, then the corner of his mouth ticked up. “Mrs. Stark.”

If they were anywhere else, Tony would have cackled.

He met her smackdown with one of his own.

Natasha merely raised an eyebrow, then flicked her fingers in Peter’s direction. “Don’t you forget it, Mr. Parker.”

Peter grinned, then Natasha eyed Tony and he met her gaze with a smirk. “You ready, Mrs. Stark?”

With a sigh, she rolled her eyes. “When am I not ready,  _ Mr. _ Stark?”

Yep.

There was still a thrill when she said it, every time.

Hand in hand, Tony took point and Natasha let him, though she was in near lockstep with Peter right behind them. Security had pushed the crowd back, but there were plenty of reporters and the dull roar went up the minute they stepped out into the cold air.

It was way too frigid for this many people.

“Mr. Stark! Over here! Can we get a picture of the happy couple?”

“Mr. Stark, how did you convince the Black Widow to marry you?”

“Ms. Romanoff…how did Mr. Stark propose?”

“Will you be releasing more wedding pictures soon, Mrs. Stark?”

The shouts collided with each other, but Tony lifted a hand to wave at them.

“Just going out to breakfast folks, no need to be so excited.” He kept his tone jovial and even. The air was icy on his skin but halfway to the car, he made eye contact with one of the print paper people.

Tony couldn’t place his name, but he’d seen the guy enough to know he’d covered him for a while.

“Come on, Tony,” the guy said with a knowing smile. “Throw us a bone. It’s cold as hell out here.”

Chuckling, Tony lifted Natasha’s hand to his lips to brush a kiss to her knuckles. “Be right with you, Red.” He winked and the corners of her mouth twitched. To everyone else, it probably looked spontaneous, but he released her to turn and take the brunt of the attention even as the cameras started to flash.

Peter darted forward to offer Natasha his arm and they continued to where Happy waited. His friend glared at the crowd and shot Tony an impatient look.

After clapping his hands together once, Tony spread his arms waiting for the loudest and more obnoxious to quiet down. “All right folks, I’ll give you one statement but as you can see, I have a beautiful woman waiting for me and I know better than to keep a beautiful woman waiting too long.”

Laughter slipped through the crowd and Tony collided gazes with Clint who shot him a smirk. He was just a foot and a half behind the guys pressing in at the front.

“So let me just say this,” Tony continued without missing a beat. “Waffles beat pancakes every day of the week.”

There was a bark of laughter then groans.

Grinning wider, Tony blew them all a kiss. “Now I have to go, folks, have a good one and get out of the cold. It’s damn chilly out here.”

He sauntered toward the open car door pleased that Peter and Natasha were already tucked inside.

“Tony,” a feminine voice called out and Tony paused strategically at the door of the car to locate the source.

A dark-haired and dark-eyed woman teetered forward precariously against the barricade.

“How about a kiss?”

Putting a hand to his chest, Tony smirked. “Truly that’s a wonderful offer, but I’m taken. Thanks though.”

That earned another spark of laughter and then he was inside and Happy chuckled as he closed the door.

Peter stared at him with wide eyes as Tony sat back against the seat with Natasha. “That’s insane.”

“The crowd?” He glanced toward the window with a shrug. “You get used to it.”

“You will,” Natasha assured him as Happy pulled away from the curb. It took them a minute to get out into traffic cause security had to clear their path. “Good morning, Happy.”

“Good morning, Mrs. Stark,” Happy said, his tone droll.

“Don’t start,” she warned. “Or I’ll make you spar with me like you do Tony.”

“Fine,  _ Nat _ ,” Happy retorted and Tony chuckled.

“Be nice to the little missus, Happy. She’s meaner than me.”

“She’s prettier, too,” Happy retaliated and even Peter laughed.

“Without a doubt,” Tony agreed. “We’re taking Peter home first, then we’ll double-back for brunch. Everything arranged?”

“Yep, I let Pepper know,” Happy said, just the barest hint of reprimand. “Since we’ll be an hour or so late.”

“Then I’ll be early,” Tony said with a smirk and little wave before closing the window to the front.

“Be nice,” Natasha murmured.

Tony shrugged. Happy spent more time with Pepper these days. “At least I got one of the kids back from the divorce.”

She rolled her eyes as he sent her a side-long look.

“Fine,” he muttered. “I’ll be nice. Speaking of nice, should we stop and get something for May so I can suck up?”

Chuckling, Peter shook his head. “I think we don’t have time…”

“Sure we do,” Tony said. They had all day. “What would make her smile? C’mon, something she’d never do for herself?”

Grimacing, Peter glanced at Natasha who sighed.

“Flowers are good. Donuts maybe? We could even grab the groceries. I haven’t been in a grocery store in years, we could grab all the treats and the snacks.”

“I don’t think May would want a bunch of junk food,” Peter admitted. “Though she did kind of like that spa weekend you sent her and her friends on.”

“Oh, we could do that.” Tony glanced at Natasha. “Spa weekend for you and May?”

“I’m good,” Natasha said.

He opened his mouth to argue then snapped it shut. Natasha didn’t like strangers touching her. “What about a winery? Everyone likes wine… wait, nevermind.” Not after the tainted wine. He pondered.

“How about we bring her Peter and let her yell at us?” Natasha suggested. “Then we really listen and hear what she has to say.”

“That’s kind of boring,” Tony said with a pout.

Peter snickered. But the debate continued all the way to Queens with Natasha or Peter shutting down his every idea until he said, “Fine, I’ll donate something to the hospital, build something they need and we’ll name it after Mary and Richard.”

The stunned look on Peter’s face had him pausing though. Sliding a glance at Natasha, he found her staring out of the window, her expression tight.

“Sorry,” he murmured. “I got carried away.”

“No,” she told him, pulling her attention back to him. “I love the idea, I think it’s sweet.”

“So do I,” Peter admitted. “But…”

“But they weren’t medical professionals and that’s a lot of attention for Peter.”

Tony sighed. True. All true.

“Maybe name it for Ben and May.”

Her suggestion had him reconsidering though.

“And maybe make it a community maternity center,” Peter said slowly. “One for new moms, where they can get all the support they need. May’s always talking about how she feels bad for the moms who leave with no support systems at home or who need more help with their babies.”

Covering Natasha’s hand with his, Tony squeezed it gently. “How does that sound to you?”

“I like it,” she said quietly, the trace of sadness in her voice unmistakable. Yet it vanished with her next words. “We’ll suggest it to May and ask her to give us a wishlist for it.”

Tony grinned slowly. “I like this idea.”

“Well, you had the idea.”

“So it’s a truly great one.”

That got a genuine if small smile from her. “But let’s not charge in there today and try to shock and awe our way into her good graces. Sometimes, less is more.”

Snorting, Tony said, “Two hundred dollars says my way is better.”

“Five hundred says I can read the terrain better.”

“A thousand says Peter’s gonna suffocate himself trying not to laugh his ass off at us.”

It was Natasha’s snort that set Peter off until he fell sideways, still laughing. Then it seemed all too soon and they were there. Tony ticked off Happy by opening the back door and helping Natasha out before they both waited for Peter. Then they made their way upstairs.

“Just remember,” Tony cautioned. “We’re double-parked.”

Peter tossed them a knowing look as he hurried ahead of them. At the door, May was waiting for them.

She greeted Peter with a hug, then focused on Natasha. “Okay, you definitely look like a million bucks.” Her gaze was almost dismissive when it landed on Tony, though. “Mr. Stark.”

Tony sighed. “I don’t mind if you call me Tony, you know.”

“Hmm,” was her only comment and Tony had to admire her. She was tough as nails and three times as hard to impress. “I think we’ll stick to Mr. Stark for now. It’s a good reminder of boundaries.”

Dropping his chin, he had to bite back a smile. May definitely had no need to suck up to him. It was kind of funny to get this much push back.

She reminded him of Natasha when she scolded him for breaking containment and showing up at Stark when Coulson was supposed to be sitting on him. “That’s fair, you can always have me collected if I get out of line again. Red here will totally take care of that for you.”

“I can,” Natasha deadpanned. “I have.”

“This is also true.”

The corner of May’s mouth twitched and she said, “Fair enough. It is good to see you both, even you, Mr. Stark.” The last carried a bit more mirth. “Can I get you some coffee?”

“We’d love to,” Natasha said smoothly before Tony could leap at the offer. “Unfortunately, we have a prior commitment and we just wanted to stop in to see you while we dropped Peter off.”

“One cup of coffee wouldn’t hurt,” Tony suggested and then Natasha just gave him that look and he sighed. “No, you’re right. Sorry, May—or would you prefer I stick to Mrs. Parker?”

May glanced from him to Natasha then back again. “You can call me May, only if you promise to both make time for coffee on your next visit.” She tossed another look at Natasha. “You owe me at least one coffee date already.”

“I do,” Natasha said.

“Done,” Tony agreed, eagerly. “I’ll do you another one better. We’re having a party later this week, a reception really, to celebrate the wedding. We’d love it if you’d join us.”

“You don’t have to add me last minute,” May tried to decline, though there was a tick of excitement in her manner.

“It’s going to be great, Aunt May. You have to come. I’m sure M—Mrs. Stark has something you can borrow if you’re worried about a dress.”

Nice slip and catch.

May wrinkled her nose. “You called her Natasha or Nat. Just because she drank a bottle of crazy and married Tony doesn’t mean she lost her name.”

Well, on the upside, she did call him Tony.

“Actually,” Natasha said, threading her arm through Tony’s and leaning into him. “I think he’s the one who drank the bottle of crazy. That said, he did make an honest woman of me.”

He did not laugh.

He did not.

He deserved a damn medal, he didn’t laugh.

Peter nearly did, but a single look from Natasha shut him up.

“Tony and Peter are right, we would love to have you there. I don’t mind a bit if you borrow a dress, or we can make arrangements to get you one. Tony loves to buy beautiful things.”

“I do,” he agreed swiftly. “I really do.”

May chuckled. “I’ll do my best,” she said. “Thank you for the invitation. I’m sure Peter has all the details.”

“He does,” Natasha told her, a firm hand on Tony’s arm. He got it. The delay tactics weren’t going to work anymore. “I have to go out of town for a couple of days, but I’ll call you before the party if you’re free.”

“I’ve got overnights all week,” May admitted. “But I should be better after the weekend.”

“Friday an overnight, too?” Peter asked, almost forlorn.

“Yes,” she told him. “But I can probably trade so I can spend a couple of hours.”

His excitement was hard to miss.

“Wonderful. I’ll call you.”

Before they made it even a step though, May fixed Tony with a look. “Thank you, Tony.”

He paused a beat, then inclined his head. “You’re welcome, May.”

The moment lasted another second, then she added, “I’d prefer if you didn’t lie to me about Peter again.”

Without skipping a step, Tony said, “You know now. There’s no reason to keep that a secret and I always had his best interests in mind. I still do. That’s never going to change.”

No matter what happened.

Peter’s aunt studied him for a long time before she finally relented. “I believe you.”

With a whoosh of air, Peter opened his mouth but Natasha gave the barest of headshakes that Tony only caught from the corner of his eye.

“Thank you,” Tony continued. “I’ll do my best to be worth that trust.”

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far,” May corrected with a faint smile. “But we could get there.”

“I always did like having goals.”

After another five minutes with, at least, an olive branch extended and accepted, Tony let Natasha usher him out of the apartment. Peter promised to text them both later and Natasha reminded him at the door that she would be out of town and to not worry if he didn’t hear from her for a couple of days.

By the time they returned to the car, they were more than late. Happy wore his displeased expression.

“I’m in trouble,” Tony murmured against Natasha’s ear.

“You  _ are _ trouble,” she teased but squeezed his hand. “But I’ll protect you.”

“Heh.”

“I let Pepper know we would be later still,” Happy told him, his tone almost testy. Then he smirked. “She expected as much and had already moved the schedule back two and a half hours.”

Which meant they’d be right on time.

Dammit.

“Well,” Tony said, rolling with it. “Then you can get the stick out of your butt and stop being grumpy.” After handing Natasha into the car, he glanced back at Happy. “We should stop for cheeseburgers on the way, I’m starving. Red’s starving…”

“Tony, get in the car.”

He grinned. “Yes, dear.”

Once he was inside, Happy closed the door not too gently and Natasha eyed him. Under her scrutiny, Tony’s smile faded a notch.

“Now I’m really in trouble.”

“No,” she assured him, crossing one leg over the other. “Going to this brunch is really upsetting you.”

Slumping back in the seat, he gave a little shrug. “It’s not the meal part.”

“I know. It’s Pepper.”

“I’m just pissed at her, Red. That doesn’t seem to be going away anytime soon. Each time I think, yeah, I get it. I appreciate why she did it and even understand why she thought it was necessary, I immediately swing back to the fact that she just did it without involving me or you.”

“Well, I was indisposed.”

“I wasn’t,” he snapped, then groaned before he scrubbed a hand over his face. “Sorry. It’s not you I’m angry at.”

“I can handle a harsh tone and word, Tony. I can even take a swung fist.”

He glared for the last one.

“But this is eating you up inside and that’s not good. That part I do not like.”

“Well,” he said with a sigh. “I’m not seeing how a meal just fixes it.”

“It won’t,” she told him and he frowned. “It won’t,” she continued. “One meal, one conversation, it can’t undo what feels like a betrayal.”

“Then why are we doing this?” Even if they had to do it, why do it? Why put them through it?

“Because we have to start somewhere,” she reminded him. “You and I weren’t in a good place when you showed up in Austria.”

Tony sighed.

“You still came.”

“I wanted to help you.”

“I know you did. But I hurt you then, too, Tony. I betrayed your trust.”

Not something he really wanted to think about. “Looking back, I understand it better now. You couldn’t have done anything else.”

He sighed.

“You’re going to tell me that we may look back someday and see that Pepper couldn’t have done something else?”

“No,” Natasha told him. “I am going to tell you that, in the heat of the moment, when everything is so intense, it’s hard to see another path. Sometimes, you have to accept that the only path she saw was this one. The only one that let her do all the things she wanted. Sometimes—sometimes you can’t. But she is your friend and you care about her a great deal. You two have so much history.”

“I hate when you out logic me.”

Natasha chuckled. “I’m not out logicking you, you’ve already considered all of this. But holding onto that anger will be more difficult face to face. You don’t want to go because you think you’ll let her off the hook too easily—not for what she did to you but for what she did to me.”

Tony shot her a look and Natasha held his gaze. The keen insight and the understanding there didn’t let him dismiss the charge for a second. “I hate that she did that to you. That she took a choice from you.”

“I know,” she murmured. “I dislike intensely that she hurt you to do it.”

With a sigh, Tony slid his fingers through hers again. “I’ll live.”

“So will I,” Natasha reminded him. “It’s not so bad, this being married thing.”

He chuckled. “Well, we’re still back on the dating thing but yeah, so far, I don’t have many complaints.”

“Sounds like you have one or two…”

“I don’t like having you so far away on Steve’s floor,” he admitted. “But I know they don’t like having you all the way up in the penthouse.”

“We’ll figure it out,” she said. “We’re all kind of new at this.”

He supposed that was true. Not that he’d been opposed to threesomes in the past, just most of the time it had been with two women. The occasional dude for experimenting, but this was different. “Can’t do anything the easy way, huh?”

Natasha chuckled. “Where’s the fun in that?”

“You have a point.”

“But…in the interests of marital harmony and because you’re hurting a little, I thought I might throw you a bone.”

“I don’t need a boner,” Tony joked. “It’s been a little hard on the sleep already.”

She pinched him and he grinned. “If the boners get that bad, Mr. Stark, I’m sure we can figure out something to alleviate the problem.”

“Yeah?” Okay, a little thrill went through him at that offer. The advice she’d given him for his birthday popped up and suddenly he knew exactly what he planned to do this year. No big parties.

He was going to do whatever he wanted with whomever—in this case, her—he wanted.

But for now, he put a pin in those plans. “You’ve got my attention.”

“More on that later,” Natasha told him, then crossed one leg over the other. “You asked me a while back if I hit on Pepper or tried to seduce her for the job when I was at Stark.”

“I remember, you said you didn’t because it wasn’t necessary.” Humor speared him. “But that you’d have definitely tapped that.”

That line still amused the hell out of him. Not to mention the images it conjured. And no, Tony would have no problems sharing a woman with her, but with all the guys around, it would have to be a one-off. There were already enough people taking her time.

“Well, in the interests of full disclosure, while I didn’t hit on Pepper—she did hit on me.”

His jaw fell. “What?”

“Not long after Monaco, when the two of you were barely speaking and she was trying to clean up the messes. She got more than a little tipsy one night while we worked late and she kissed me.”

Pepper… “Wait, Pepper kissed you?”

“Hmm-hmm.”

“Please tell me there were pictures.”

Natasha chuckled. “I rather doubt it. I took care of most of my surveillance while I was there. Still had my backdoor into JARVIS—and Pepper was embarrassed afterward.”

“And you’re telling me now because…”

“You don’t need to have any other ambushes come at you where the subject of the three of us are involved.”

True.

“So… on a scale of one to ten—who kisses better?”

Natasha arched both brows.

“C’mon, Red, you can tell me. Just between me and Pepper. We’ll leave the wonder twins out of the comparison.”

Her eyebrows didn’t lower.

“Please?” He leaned in a little closer, inordinately tickled by the news. It wasn’t even that scandalous, but it was sweet, funny, and a little hypocritical on Pepper’s part.

He paused on that last bit. Considering the number of women she had to watch him kiss over the years. Yeah, scratch the hypocritical part.

“You can tell me,” he teased, focusing on Natasha.

“Hmm, I don’t think it’s a fair comparison.”

“No?:

“Nope. Women kiss far differently than men.”

“Do they?”

He hadn’t ever compared.

“They do,” she confirmed closing the distance and cupping his face. “They’re softer. Gentler. They don’t take, they give. At least at first.” She nipped his lower lip and then brushed her mouth against his. It was slow and gentle. “They tease. There’s a hesitance. Not all women know to just take what they want.”

“No,” he murmured, his body flushing hot then cold. “I like a woman who knows what she wants.”

“I know you do,” she teased and then they were kissing. Tony didn’t know which of them moved but her tongue tangled with his and he dragged her forward and then she slid onto his lap. The skirt of her sweater dress pushed high as she straddled his lap. It wasn’t so much a battle as a dance and he let her lead until he wanted to shift gears then he chased her tongue with his own and cupped her ass gently, just massaging and rocking her against the erection he could in no way hide.

Nor did he want to.

She slid her fingers into his hair, but she didn’t ruffle it or fist, just rested her nails to his scalp. They sank into the kiss until the only thing moving were their mouths and he dug his fingers into her ass.

All too soon the limo slowed and Natasha dragged her head up. Her lipstick was gone, if she’d had any but her lips were swollen and pink and her eyes heavy-lidded.

“Feel better?” she murmured.

“That is not the word I would use,” he teased. “No.” But he did feel  _ better _ . The tension in his muscles had eased and the fist in his gut let go. The limo made another slow turn and Tony slid a hand up to cup her nape and tug her in for another kiss. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” she whispered. “Not that kissing you is a hardship.”

He chuckled. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him.

“Even if you feel very hard,” she teased against his ear and he groaned.

“You are worth the wait,” he exhaled then smiled when she leaned back to study him. “Tomorrow. Next month. Next year. It’s the kind of sweet agony I’m enjoying.”

The hell of it the thing? He really was enjoying  _ wanting  _ her now that she wasn’t just forbidden fruit.

“I’m having fun, too,” she admitted. “If we can get out from under all this other crap and after the mission with Maria—I do want time just for us.”

He liked the sound of the latter, but not the former. But the limo was stopping and he helped her ease off his lap while she tugged her skirt back down.

“Hey Red?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m looking forward to everything with you. The good. The bad. All of it.”

She smoothed a finger over his lips and he caught it with a light nip.

“Even the brunch?” The tease made him smile.

“Now,” he said, after another kiss to her finger before releasing it. “I’m looking forward to it now.”

When Happy opened the door, Natasha winked. “Game faces on, Shellhead.”

His game face might be on, but he wasn’t going to forget that kiss anytime soon.

Or the fact that Natasha gave him a secret just to make him feel a bit better.

His Red was protective as hell and he kind of liked that about her.

Oh, who was he kidding?

He loved it about her.


	35. Spoilin' for a Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arguments. Debates. Discussions. Trips to the airport. Brunch takes a day.

**Chapter Thirty-Five**

_Spoilin’ for a Fight_

**Natalia/Natasha**

Brunch was happening at Stark’s New York offices. While he had some R&D housed at the Tower, both because he worked and lived there and to protect his research from others, corporate offices occupied a different building. The main offices were still in Los Angeles, but Pepper spent almost as much time in New York as she did there in between the rest of her travel.

They’d lost most of their press escort and had before they reached Queens, so no one pointed a camera or harangued them as they headed inside. Happy moved with them to the door and after security opened it, he said, “I’m parking the car then I’ll be up.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Tony told him. “Be sure to give yourself a nice tip.”

The other man just rolled his eyes and looked at her. “You have my deepest sympathies.”

Chuckling, Natalia said, “You can save them. I’ll be just fine.”

Inside, Tony linked his fingers with hers and they strolled toward the executive elevator. The security at the desk nodded to him and the pinhole cameras and sensors everywhere let Friday track them.

The elevator opened smoothly at their arrival and then they were inside. Tony’s color was better and he’d calmed. Once inside, he said, “I could take you on a tour if you’d like. I don’t think you spent any time in these offices.”

“Later,” she promised. “If you still want to take me on a tour, we can. But for now, we’re going to have coffee and food and see Pepper.”

He made a face. “Fine, but I don’t promise to be nice.”

“I’m not asking you to be nice.”

“And I’m not promising to stay the whole time.”

“Perfectly acceptable.”

“I may very well give her a piece of my mind before this is over.”

“Again, reasonable.”

“Friday, hold the elevator.” Pivoting, Tony pinned her with a look as the elevator slowed to a stop. “Why are you just agreeing with me?”

“Because you’re angry and I don’t disagree with your feelings nor am I going to tell you that you’re wrong to feel that way.” The betrayal had stung him deeply. All the right reasons in the world didn’t change that fact.

“So what was all that in the car about her reasons and maybe seeing where she was coming from?”

“It never hurts to understand why people do what they do,” she reminded him. “It can better arm us for the conflict while also showing us where we need to bolster our own defenses.”

Tony narrowed his eyes. “But you still think this breakfast is a good idea when the closer we get the angrier I get?”

“I think that sooner or later, you both have to talk. You can’t shut her out forever.”

He made a face and looked away. “It’s doable.”

Natalia didn’t smile. There was more here at play. Far more than he’d been willing to admit to himself. It had taken her a bit to see it, but now that she had, she couldn’t look away from it. “What’s worse? Holding on to the anger because you don’t accept the surface reasons or admitting that you’re holding onto it in order to avoid another mistake?”

A muscle ticked in his jaw and he clenched his right hand even if he still held her right in his left. His grip was tense, but not biting. The fight he waged internally was a pitched battle. One, he was more than capable of defeating.

“You know,” he said finally, blowing out a breath. “You’re the only person I know who wins arguments with me without saying a word.”

“I could say the same thing about you.” They’d had a few over the years.

He lifted his chin and cut a look to her. “Next time I win one like that, give me a victory lap?”

The corners of her mouth twitched. “I’ll take that under consideration.”

With a snort, he caught her left hand and lifted it. “You’re too kind, Mrs. Stark.”

“Not really, Mr. Stark.”

“True. I’m much kinder.”

“And far more humble.”

“You noticed.” A pleased smile eased some of the tension on his face but not enough of it from his shoulders.

“I notice a lot.”

“It’s both endearing and irritating,” he agreed.

“I get that a lot.”

Still, she didn’t call him on the continued delay. “Hmm…” he narrowed the space between them and then dipped his head. “Don’t kill me.”

A laugh escaped at the whisper a moment before he kissed her. Like in the car, it was soft and slow and gentle. A tease more than a demand. An offer, more than a take. He tasted of coffee and what she swore had to be cinnamon muffins. There had been just a hint of sugar on his lips earlier when she’d kissed him in the penthouse.

The nuzzling kiss went on for a long, suspended moment and then he just rested his forehead to hers.

“Friday, resume so we can get this over with.” But he didn’t back away, his gaze locked on Natalia’s.

“It’s going to be okay, Boss,” Friday assured him. “Nat has your back. And so do I.”

“See,” Natalia whispered. “Friday will protect us.”

“Okay, my safe word is peaches. If I ask for peaches, we need an emergency to pull us out.”

“You got it, Boss.”

The elevator dinged their arrival and Tony didn’t move away, only straightened slowly as the elevator doors opened. His expression schooled and all trace of discomfort and irritation vanished behind a vapid smirk.

“Game face, Red.”

“This is my game face.”

“Still the prettiest one in the room.” He winked, then turned. Natalia scanned the area automatically as they left the elevator. It had the hush of an executive floor. The smooth look of modern lines and cool colors framed the valuable artwork hanging on the walls.

Tony paused in front of one and gestured to it with his thumb. “Ten grand for this, three red lines and a black slash.”

“It’s not about what they use,” she reminded him. “But the feelings it evokes.”

“Fraud is not something I need to spend that much on.” The barest hint of laughter underscored the words. “Or maybe I just don’t get it. I like my art to have bodies in it.”

“Or you.”

He swung his head to look at her and grinned for real. “Definitely me. It could have you, I’d take all the ones of you, too.”

They were both chuckling as the double doors to the suite—okay executive dining room, Tony was right, she’d never been to this building but she did know the layout—opened.

Pepper rose and turned toward the doors. She had what was probably a mimosa in hand or maybe just orange juice in a champagne glass. Natalia wasn’t fussy. The same tension pinching Tony’s face earlier evident in Pepper’s tight expression and worried eyes.

Setting her glass aside, she strode toward them and Tony’s hand on Natalia’s clamped down.

“Nat,” Pepper said as she closed in. “You look great. You really do.”

There was no mistaking the relief in her voice for anything other than genuine. With a squeeze of Tony’s hand, Natalia extracted herself from his grip and took two steps forward to intercept the hug and give Tony a minute. Pepper held her close. Dressed in a white pantsuit, she’d gone for casual and armed a lot like Tony had. They both used fashion for armor. Natalia got it.

She really did.

“I am so glad you’re okay,” Pepper said in a huff of breath before pulling back to search her face. “It feels like forever since the last time we were together.”

“Well,” Natalia said, in a dry tone. “We’re warmer this time.”

Pepper laughed, but the ghost of that experience still haunted her and it showed in the shadows in her eyes. Beyond her, Pepper’s date waited by the table and the brunch buffet. Unlike Pepper, he hadn’t put down his drink and his gaze zeroed in on her then on Tony.

The first time she met Kumar, she’d gotten not much off of him. The guy tried a little too hard—that made sense. His competition, real or imagined, was Tony. Not an easy act to follow. He seemed devoted if a little shallow. His attention to image and what he thought he could do for Natalia hadn’t interested her in the slightest.

His interest in Pepper did.

A few months later and the guy was still here.

Good or bad?

Natalia hadn’t decided. Particularly since Rhodey was interested but now this guy was in the way.

“You look well,” Natalia told her. “I love the shoes.” They weren’t quite the height Pepper usually favored, which was good. She was already taller than Natalia, the higher heels tended to make her tower. But these were done in white and orange, a little flashy but still attractive.

“They’re kind of loud,” Pepper admitted as she glanced down at them. “I’m undecided.” Twice she skipped her gaze to Tony who hadn’t moved then back to Natalia. “Oh…” She caught Natalia’s left hand as she started to back off. “That’s beautiful.”

“Thank you.” Done allowing the delays for both of them, Natalia focused on Marc. “Mr. Kumar, we meet again.” She strolled toward him leaving Pepper and Tony to decide how they were going to make this work.

“Ms. Romanoff…”

“Stark,” Tony said abruptly. “Mrs. Stark.”

Natalia paused to find Tony staring at Kumar.

“Of course,” Marc said, raising his hands in a gesture of surrender. “My apologies, Mrs. Stark.”

“Why is he here, Pepper?” The hissed question wasn’t remotely quiet and Marc frowned, but Natalia stepped into his line of sight.

“Would you mind pouring me a glass of that?” She motioned to the orange juice in the champagne flute.

“It’s not a real mimosa,” he admitted. “Pepper suggested we should keep the breakfast dry though…”

“Tony, I thought we would keep this civil so…”

“Civil? Civil would be letting me know a stranger would be at this brunch. I thought you wanted to talk to us and to apologize.”

“Orange juice is perfectly fine,” Natalia said, dragging Marc’s attention back to her. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” he said, darting a distracted look behind her.

“Marc isn’t a stranger,” Pepper explained patiently. “And you’re mad at me, not him.”

“Don’t tell me how I feel,” Tony said.

Marc filled a flute glass with cold orange juice and handed it to her. “You’re just back from a rather long honeymoon, yes?”

“Well, we haven’t had a vacation in years,” Natalia answered. “How was Scotland?”

“Cold,” Marc stated, his gaze darting passed her as both Tony and Pepper lowered their voices. “Quiet. Probably exactly what she needed after the ordeal she was put through.”

“Glad to hear it. How’s work?”

He opened his mouth to respond then hesitated when Tony snapped, “You had no right. The sooner you get around to acknowledging that and apologizing to Red and to me, the sooner we might make some progress.”

“Tony, I told you why and now isn’t the time—”

“Oh, now I see why _he_ is here. You’re playing duck and cover. Not cool, Pepper.”

“If you’ll excus—“

“Don’t,” Natalia told him.

“Excuse me?” Marc stared at her and she met his gaze evenly.

“Don’t. They’ll handle it.”

“He doesn’t get to talk to her like that.”

“And if you value your life, you’ll stay out of it.”

“She’s right,” Happy agreed as he leaned past them to snag a glass of orange juice. “This is just their thing. They need to yell it out before they can talk.”

“I don’t care…” Marc started to take a step and Natalia shifted her weight and pinned him with a look. He hesitated.

“You’ll care or you can be escorted out.” Her tone never wavered from pleasant. Happy glanced at him as he turned, glass of juice in hand.

“Since I have to do the escorting—because trust me, you want it to be me and not Mrs. Stark—I’d say listen. What were we talking about over here?”

“Oh my god!” Pepper’s voice climbed. “You always circle back to that.”

“Well maybe if you’d take a beat and admit when you were wrong.”

“Oh, you mean like you do?”

“I _have_ admitted when I’m wrong.”

“Was there video or a recording?” Pepper challenged. “Pictures or it didn’t happen.”

“His work,” Natalia said easily. “Was asking him about it. Though he seems to be struggling to follow the thread of conversation.”

“It happens to the best of us,” Happy admitted. “How are things with you?” Though he focused on her, like her, he was ready to intercept Marc. They more or less had him cornered.

“Oh, you know, same thing. Different week.”

Happy grinned. “Old man making you crazy?”

“Happy, you know better. I don’t kiss and tell.”

He let out a bark of laughter.

“Oh, for the love of… I was wrong, Tony. Are you happy? I was wrong.”

“No,” Tony said. “I’m not happy. But that’s a good start.”

Taking that as a cue, Natalia pivoted on one heel while keeping Marc in her periphery. “Wonderful, think we could move on to brunch now? I’m feeling a bit faint from hunger.”

Pepper and Tony were both a little red-faced and still heated, but they glanced toward her at the request. Tony’s frown lasted all of three seconds as he latched his gaze to hers and she merely raised her eyebrows.

“Fine,” Tony said in his most aggrieved tone and smoothed down his tie. “I suppose we have worked up an appetite.”

With a huff, Pepper pointed him toward the buffet. “Please, everyone, help yourselves… Natasha? I know you’re hungry, but could I borrow you for a moment?”

“Of course,” Natalia glanced at Happy and he gave her a nod as she headed toward Pepper. Pausing when Tony reached her, Nat caught his arm lightly and brushed a kiss to his lips then his cheek before murmuring. “Better?”

“No,” he lied then gave her a little shrug. “A little.”

“You hate me right now, don’t you?”

“No,” he said. “But I don’t like you very much.” They were both speaking in very low voices so it wouldn’t carry, but when she smiled so did he.

“Okay, I’ll make it up to you later.”

“I’ll hold you to it.” Then he pressed another kiss to her lips. “Don’t take too long, I don’t want to talk to Kumar.”

“Talk to Happy, he’s missed you.” She patted his arm and then followed Pepper who’d waited by the door watching her and Tony the whole time. They didn’t stay in the room, no; Pepper led her out and down a couple of doors to a smaller office.

Once inside, Pepper closed the door and leaned back against it while Natalia settled against the desk and placed her now empty glass on the top of it.

Blowing out a breath, Pepper studied her. “How big of an apology do I owe you?”

“None.”

Pepper blinked, then frowned. “As angry as Tony is…”

“You knew Tony would be angry. The same way you knew if you talked to him ahead of time, he would have shut you down.” Natalia crossed one ankle over the other as she settled her hands back on the desktop.

“I did.”

“You knew if you held off to make him come see you, the two of you could hash this out.”

The corner of Pepper’s mouth curved. “I didn’t count on quite how angry he still is.”

“You overstepped,” Natalia said with a shrug. “You did it when he was preoccupied and very worried. Distracted. You made a call.”

“And you’re not angry?”

“I could be and I was for a short time. But I also understand your decision. You explained some of it.”

Her frown deepened. “Some of it?”

“Pepper, you didn’t do this just to cover me with immigration or the Committee or even the potential charges. You didn’t just do it because you knew my safety was important to Tony.”

For a long moment, Pepper held her gaze but then she dipped it. “He cares about you.”

“He cares about a lot of people, are you planning to try and marry him off to those people, too?”

Irritation flared in Pepper’s eyes as she jerked her gaze up. “You know the answer to that.”

“I do, but my question is do you know the answer?”

Again, Pepper couldn’t hold her gaze and finally, she sighed. “He’s in love with you and has been. You obviously care about him even if you’re with others.” She frowned. “Rhodey said you were with Steve and Bucky—a man who killed Tony’s parents.”

Protectiveness surged in Pepper’s voice.

“But Tony still loves you and, for some reason—probably you—he’s making his peace with Sergeant Barnes. But that means he has to watch you with him and…”

Natalia waited her out.

“You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?” Irritation and regret collided in her gaze.

“I’m not making you do anything.”

“I hate you.”

“No,” Natalia told her. “You don’t.”

“No,” Pepper said with a sigh as she pushed away from the door. “I don’t. I did it because I needed Tony to not be alone and I knew you both cared. I needed to let him go and I needed him to be safe. I knew you would protect him even if it meant he hated me for doing it.”

There it was.

“You look—happier—with each other. More relaxed?” The last part came out more a question than a statement. “But… that’s none of my business.”

“Nope,” Natalia told her evenly. “It’s not. But I will take care of him and I will protect him.” Just to be perfectly clear. “I know you meant well. But if you do anything like this again, you and I will have a problem.”

“Understood.” Pepper spread her arms. “I really did want to protect you and not have him have to keep fighting all those other battles while he was trying to save your life.”

“I know. Just like I know you put yourself through hell for me. Pepper, I really do understand. Tony will get there eventually.”

“Eventually.” She sighed.

“Tell me what else is wrong.”

“Nothing.” That was a lie.

So Natalia waited as Pepper began to pace the little room.

“We should probably get back.”

“Happy will keep Tony from eating Kumar and if he can’t stand a few minutes with Tony, then he’s really not the guy for you.” Pepper and Tony were never going to be that far apart. They might have to re-bridge this chasm, but that friendship wasn’t going anywhere. “What’s wrong?”

Folding her arms, Pepper pursed her lips. “Marc asked me to marry him.”

“All right.”

Asked her to marry him, not she said yes. Not she was getting married. Not they were engaged. The wording was very specific.

“He asked—the day the incident happened in Los Angeles.” Pepper slid her gaze to the window and stared out. “I left Scotland without answering him.”

Well, that in and of itself would seem to be an answer but still, Natalia said nothing. Because that wasn’t the whole story.

‘We had a fight about it—about me leaving.” Pepper moved over to the desk and leaned against it, side by side with Natalia. “A very bad fight. Words were—heated. When I was leaving, he said if I walked out that door I proved that Tony was more important to me than Marc was.”

She left. That was self-evident.

“We didn’t speak for almost three weeks, I thought that was it that he was done with me…”

“Clearly not.”

“No,” she exhaled the word. “He showed up with flowers and my favorite wine, apologizing and then it was like we’d never had a fight. Just—picked up right where we left off.”

“Okay.” Natalia studied her. “You’re not happy about this.”

“I’m not _un_ happy about it, but…”

But she’d been getting closer to Rhodey.

“Pepper, do you want him here?”

“He’s a really nice guy. He’s been amazing. I told you how he first asked me out and how much he hung in there even when I wasn’t ready and he didn’t push too hard. Then after everything happened at the holiday party and my recovery—Nat, he didn’t leave me alone for an instant. He was right there, through my nightmares, through my flashbacks…” Pepper dropped her head.

“Not an answer. Just because he did all that doesn’t mean you have to stay with him if you don’t want to. Relationships based on quid pro quo are business, not personal.”

“I do care about him.” Again, it sounded more like a question than a statement.

“Again, still not an answer.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Pepper admitted. “When… when I thought we’d broken up, I had some small regrets and a little sadness, but more like I would for missing out on the bid for a new Franklin or Jean Bonoit.”

Well, that didn’t bode well for Mr. Kumar.

“The ease with which he’s back tells me I had to miss him more than that, right?”

“I don’t know,” Natalia told her. “You’re still not answering my question.”

“Do I want him here?”

“That would be what I was asking.”

She bit her lower lip. “Nat… I don’t know.”

“Well then, do you object to me inviting him to leave? That way you, Tony and I can have brunch and it will be objectively a little less claustrophobic for you and Tony?”

At this point, objection or not, Natalia planned to ask him to go. There were conversations they needed to have that they didn’t need an audience.

“Nat, I didn’t invite him for brunch,” she murmured. “He kind of invited himself.”

The faint frown of confusion bothered Natalia more than she cared to admit. “Then he goes, case closed.”

The door opened with a crisp knock and Tony poked his head in. “There you are, I’m about ready to open a can of fruit.”

Pepper straightened and her troubled expression melted away.

“Yes, here we are.”

Tony glanced from her to Pepper and then back, but Natalia pushed away from the desk.

“We were just discussing old times, but I am starving…”

“Old times?” A faint smirk curled Tony’s lips, but Natalia stopped the taunt with a brush of her mouth to his. Surprise flickered in Tony’s eyes but at her shake of a head, he nodded. “Well, we have plenty of those to fall back on if we need to. But let’s go feed you both rather than hiding in dark corners.”

“Are you sure you can even stand to have a meal with me, Tony?” the bite in Pepper’s words promised she was rallying.

“I think I’ll manage, I have Red to protect me.” But he did offer Pepper his free arm and she hesitated a moment before accepting it. “Next time you both sneak off to an office together, you can at least invite me to watch.”

Natalia rolled her eyes, but Pepper laughed. “No.” She said it with the same force she often did when denying Tony something he wanted.

“You know, I could just get Friday to do it for me, probably better if you knew I was there…”

Pulling ahead as they neared the conference room and its brunch layout, Natalia left them to bicker and crossed to where Happy looked less than thrilled to be talking to Marc Kumar.

“As lovely as it has been to see you, Mr. Kumar, I’m afraid I am going to have Happy escort you out. Tony and I have business to discuss with Pepper and it’s going to take a while.”

Not missing a beat, Tony said, “Confidential business. Take care, Kumar. Happy.”

Happy straightened, but Kumar frowned and glanced at Pepper. “I thought this was just a social occasion.”

“Which is why we’re meeting at Stark Industries,” Tony said in a scathing tone. “You did see the name on the building when you came in. Stark—that would be me and her,” he motioned to Natalia. “And Pepper is CEO. You are…nobody. Goodbye.”

“Marc,” Pepper stepped in, her tone a little more placating. “We really do need to discuss some business.”

If Natalia hadn’t been watching him, she might have missed it. The moment Tony took the dismissive tone with him, his eyes flashed and then his jaw tensed as Pepper tried to smooth things over.

“Happy,” Natalia continued moving between Pepper and Kumar to block his line of sight. “If you’d be so kind…”

“On it. If you’ll come with me, Mr. Kumar.”

“Pepper, we should talk…”

“Later, not on company time. Maybe if you worked here—oh wait,” Tony said. “You don’t and you won’t. Friday, let security know that Mr. Kumar is leaving the building and have them make sure he reaches his transportation safely and efficiently.”

A vein popped in Kumar’s forehead and it was like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t dare.

Smart man.

If he decided to verbally attack Pepper right now, Natalia would have Security remove his unconscious form.

“You know what?” Tony said. “I’ll help.” At his approach, Kumar pivoting on one heel and stalked out with Happy right behind him. The elevator dinged and Natalia tracked their motion as Happy got him in the elevator then pressed the button. Kumar’s expression didn’t change, but fury radiated off him in waves.

He was pissed.

She’d have a discussion with Happy about the security on Pepper’s apartment.

Clapping his hands together, Tony turned around to face them. “Okay, I feel much better. Why were we throwing him out, Red?”

“Because Pepper didn’t invite to join us in the first place.” With that, she glanced at Pepper. “And I think there’s a little more going on.”

“Nat…”

“Talk to me,” Tony stated, his tone all business as he rejoined them and closed the outer doors. “Friday move us to secure mode?”

“Already there, Boss and I’m tracking Mr. Kumar out of the building. Should I put a drone on him?”

Pepper’s expression went more stricken. “Tony…”

“Do it,” Natalia said slowly. “Keep it subtle. Monitoring only.”

“You heard the wife, Baby Girl.”

With a sigh, Pepper sank into a chair and stared at them. “I can’t believe you just did that.”

“You don’t want him here, Pep. He goes. I’m absolutely down with it. Can’t stand him, anyway.” Tony motioned to the buffet. “Now, everyone let’s get food and sit down. I’ve been making Red starve for hours and she’s been so gracious about it. Then, Pepper, you tell us what’s going on.”

“It could be nothing…” She wavered.

“It’s not nothing,” Natalia said. She didn’t know what it was, but Kumar bore a much closer look. Something she should have done months earlier if a damn head injury hadn’t sidelined her.

Tony snapped his gaze to her, then moved to the table and yanked a chair out before he sat and faced Pepper. “Talk to me.”

“You’re furious with me…”

“That’s tabled for the moment. Tell me or I’ll ask Red,” Tony told her. “What did the guy do? Why don’t you want him here?”

The indecision from earlier faded and Pepper took a deep breath… Natalia took a seat next to Tony and was quietly glad that Steve and James had made her such huge waffles that morning with strawberries. Food would have to wait.

Again.

This was too important.

It took Pepper about thirty minutes to bring Tony up to speed with all she’d told Natalia, including how she met Marc, their subsequent dating, and finally the fight and the not break-up they seemed to have had.

By the time she finished recounting all of it, she seemed to waffle even more. “I think it’s just jitters. I mean he proposed and I didn’t answer him, and he’s still here. I mean that has to count for something.”

“Has he asked you again?” Tony rubbed two fingers against his chin as he studied Pepper. Though Friday had let them know that Happy had escorted Kumar to his vehicle and the man had left, Happy hadn’t rejoined them.

Friday had likely told him they were having a private convo.

“No,” Pepper admitted. “He hasn’t brought it up and neither have I.”

“Then dump his ass and move on,” Tony suggested. “Problem solved.”

“It’s not that easy,” Pepper argued. “I feel terrible that he asked me and I just—left. That I made him think he was less somehow.”

“Clearly not bothering him if he’s still here,” Tony pointed out.

“Pepper,” Natalia said, breaking her silence. “What do you want to do?”

The hesitation was so not Pepper. This woman made decisions and moved. She’d had to make so many over the years from managing Tony to managing the company. Indecisive was not encoded into her DNA. Even Tony frowned when she paused too long and glanced away.

“This really isn’t your problem,” she said finally, coming to a decision. A bad one but a decision nonetheless. “We have a lot of other things to discuss and my relationship with Marc shouldn’t even be on your radar.”

“Uh huh,” Tony said. “Tell you what, you don’t marry me off when I’m not looking and I’ll butt out—oh wait.”

“Tony, I already apologized.”

“It’s not about an apology. It’s about the fact that as friends you wanted to help. You overreached, we’ve established that and I’ve tabled the rest of it. For now.” Tony glanced at Natalia, then focused on Pepper. “This… this is about you and your safety as well as happiness.”

“He’s not a threat.” Impatience crested in Pepper’s tone as she rose from the table and headed over to the buffet. “Marc’s a good guy, he’s just been very patient and almost too nice at times.”

“Too nice is bad.”

“How is it bad?” Pepper demanded as she glanced at them.

“You think it’s bad, too. You just want us to verbalize arguments you can’t make yet because your gut and your intellect are debating your next steps and you can’t pinpoint exactly why your gut is telling you to back off.”

“What Red said,” Tony stated categorically then grinned at her. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Nat, it’s not that easy.”

“No, it is that easy. It’s your gut telling you something is off. You didn’t really miss him when he was gone. You didn’t want to date him initially, he had to wear you down. Now he’s asked you to marry him and you didn’t want to answer that. You severed communications for three weeks and there wasn’t a word from him? Then he just shows up? Unless he was on a field assignment, I would expect him to have made some contact.” However, she could play devil’s advocate. “But let’s assume that he was doing whatever it is he does for his business. That he was angry that you seemed to choose Tony over him. Then—after weeks of you not reaching out, he realized what? That he can’t live without you? You never discussed the fight. He just walked back in and picked up where you left off?”

Pepper added some fruit to her plate, her expression thoughtful. “Yes, it was very… low-key.”

“And you didn’t bring up the fight?” Skepticism rifled Tony’s tone. “He offered no atonement and you didn’t call him out?”

“No.” Now Pepper sounded puzzled and Tony looked at Natalia.

She nodded. That wasn’t Pepper.

At all.

Even after they were all seated with food, Pepper continued to waver, but more and more, she circled back to the fact, “That isn’t like me.”

“I’m going to ask you again,” Natalia said. “What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know yet,” Pepper admitted. “But I think Marc and I need to have a long talk.”

“I think you need to cut him loose. I don’t like any of this.”

“Tony, you’re biased.”

“It doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Red’s not thrilled with him either. Doubt my instincts, don’t doubt hers.”

Natalia clucked her tongue against her teeth. “There is—something not right about him. But even I can’t tell you what. Is there a way for you to keep your distance for a few days? Let Tony, Friday and I do some digging?” She might get Clint involved, too. There were times when he saw stuff she didn’t. James as well.

Though James might fall back on the same solution she’d already considered. If Kumar could not be dissuaded or continued to prove problematic—accidents happened. That wasn’t supposed to be her life anymore.

Natasha had made conscious changes but Natalia didn’t see the sense in dismissing it out of hand.

“Maybe take Rhodey up on the assessment tour of the latest dev enhancements we added to the testing facility out in Utah?” Tony said abruptly. “He’s been talking about getting involved in another project or three.”

Subtle Tony wasn’t, but Pepper didn’t seem to notice it. “I could make the time,” Pepper said.

“Just a couple of days,” Natalia suggested. “Make it three, take your time, just get away. We’re about to make life difficult at the end of the week with the reception.”

“Kumar’s _not_ invited,” Tony said firmly. “We’ll have enough politics to play with the U.N. Committee members. I need my CEO not distracted that night.”

Natalia hid a smile as Pepper frowned, but only said, “That makes a great deal of sense. I don’t need you offering us up to clean up more than we’re already doing.”

“Give Rhodey a call,” Tony said. “Friday, get the jet ready and make the arrangements?”

“On it, Boss.”

“I know what you’re both doing,” Pepper said, looking back and forth between them.

With a shrug, Natalia drained her juice and set the empty glass down. “We’re taking care of business. You need some time. We’ll make sure you get it.”

“And on that note,” Tony said. “Let’s go and we’ll swing by your place for a bag and Red can help you pack while Happy and I go get Rhodey.”

Agreed.

Pepper offered no argument, which was more telling than anything else they’d discussed. Natalia texted Clint and James from the car, giving them both a mini-briefing. They agreed to start looking. Friday funneled information on her tracking of Kumar—he had _not_ gone back to Pepper’s place and fortunately, he didn’t have a key there either.

Tony would brief Happy and Natalia was going to clear Pepper’s apartment.

Brunch took them most of the day, but after they put Rhodey and Pepper on the plane and only after they’d watched it taxi and take off did Tony turn to her. “You remember what I said about never asking you to kill someone.”

“You don’t have to ask,” she promised. “If he’s doing anything to her to get that kind of compliance—I’ll take care of it.”

“I’ll help.” Jaw tight, Tony offered her his arm. “Now we have to meet with Maria.”

“I can put it off,” Natalia offered.

“No,” Tony said with a short shake of his head. “We can juggle. Rhodey has Pepper and he knows what’s going on. Happy’s going to run through SI for me, so is Friday. We’re going to make sure that Kumar has no fingers anywhere and we’re going to deep dive him some more.”

She nodded.

Back in the car, he had his phone out to start working and Natalia held her own, sending messages back and forth with Clint and James, brainstorming.

“Red?”

“Hmm?”

“You were right.”

“I know.”

He chuckled. “How did you know and I didn’t?”

“Because you’re you and I’m me….and I know how much you regretted lashing out at me when you were angry and you were worried if you lashed out at Pepper, that would be it. You were angry and not ready to forgive her, but you didn’t want to cut her off and possibly lose her forever.”

He shook his head. “You know me too well.”

“Maybe,” Natalia said. “But sometimes, you still surprise me.”

“Good,” he said. “I like to entertain.”

“You also like to be right.”

“And I was right about Kumar.” The smugness made her smile.

“Yes, moy umnyy. You were.”

When he leaned over to kiss her, she smiled against his lips. “Thank you.”

She didn’t ask what for, she just kissed him lightly then leaned against his shoulder while they both dug a little deeper and Happy drove.

They had a lot to do.

  
  
  



	36. Girls/Girls/Boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Natalia prep for their mission while the guys debate some future changes

**Chapter Thirty-Six**

Girls/Girls/Boys

**Natalia/Natasha**

Happy bypassed the masses and went straight for the garage. His mood and Tony’s were both dark.

“Boss,” Happy said as he held the door for them.

“Happy, we talked about this. I know you didn’t know. Whatever it is—and it may be nothing.” Though the look he wore said the same thing Natalia was thinking. It wasn’t nothing. “We’re looking after Pepper.”

“I’m heading to SI right now. He never had clearance beyond visiting her in the office, but her office is on the executive floors…” While there was sensitive information there, it wasn’t like R&D.

Still…

“Friday’s already removed any authorization he had to be inside Stark Industries,” Natalia said. “Take your time, go over every step. Friday can help. We’ll figure this out. Right now, she’s safe with Rhodey and far away.”

“But she’ll be back by the weekend…” Happy grimaced. “I should have paid closer attention. The guy was clean though.”

“Maybe too clean,” Natalia said.

“We’re paying attention now,” Tony reminded him. “Go on and don’t beat up on yourself. That’s my job.” In the elevator though, Tony shook his head. “I should have dug deeper into that guy.”

“Me, too,” she reminded him. “We’ve been a little distracted.”

“I didn’t like him,” he repeated and Natalia smiled.

“No, you didn’t. You were right.”

He paused for a beat. “I almost wish I wasn’t even if I’m going to savor those words.”

Natalia chuckled.

“Boss, Mr. Barton, Captain Rogers, and Sergeant Barnes are waiting with Ms. Hill on the Common Room level for the meeting.”

Her humor dried up and Tony’s jaw tensed. “She’s not going to let us stay for the briefing.”

“Then eavesdrop,” Natalia said with a shrug.

He winced.

“You have my permission this time,” she told him and nudged him with her hip. He slid an arm around her and kissed her shoulder just as the doors opened and Maria pivoted to face them.

Her grimace was almost laughable.

“Oh, I think I just threw up in my mouth,” the other woman muttered and Natalia smirked.

“Then you should probably go rinse your mouth out.”

At least Maria looked healthier, her color was better and she didn’t waver on her feet. The last few days of rest had done their job.

That said, she still moved with stiffness even if she tried to cover it.

“Hill,” Tony greeted her. “Double-cross anyone today?”

“Stark,” she retorted. “Not yet. Still time.”

Rolling her eyes, Natalia strolled past them both and stripped off her leather coat. They hadn’t really had time to change yet. James and Clint were both at the bar, laptops open—James had hers. The corners of her mouth twitched. They could certainly afford to get him his own and as far as she knew, he did have one of his own.

But he liked using hers.

Not that she minded.

Still, it amused her.

“Hey,” Steve greeted her, sliding an arm around her waist and dropping a kiss on the corner of her mouth. “He okay?”

“He’s annoyed. Very annoyed. How is the hunt for background on Kumar going?”

“Clint and Bucky are both ticked and they have a bet riding on who will find it first,” Steve said. “So far, they’re both busting on empty.”

Natalia wrinkled her nose. As much as it rankled to admit it, she hadn’t overturned anything earth-shattering on their drive back from LaGuardia either. Leaning into Steve, she sighed.

James pinned her with a look, but all he did was raise his brows. Did she need him to do more right now? She shook her head.

“I’ll continue upstairs with Tony,” James murmured as he closed her laptop and rose. The next meeting was technically for her, Clint and Maria.

“Thank you, zvezda moya.”

He smiled and paused to brush her cheek with his knuckles then glanced down at her dress. “You’re welcome. I like this…”

The corners of her mouth twitched. “You complained about it this morning.”

“That was then.” He winked, but there was another cautious question in his eyes. Did she want him to stay? Well, duh. But the plan called for him to be backup, so not this time.

She rose to give him a kiss then Steve. “I’ll talk to you both in a bit. Also—could someone order food? Brunch feels like fifty years ago.”

“What would you like, Nat?” Friday inquired.

Glancing at Tony, she raised her eyebrows. He gave a careless little shrug. Food was not on his radar at the moment. All the more reason to make sure they got something. “Takeout Italian?”

The suggestion gave him a jolt and he scowled. “If you mean pizza, fine.”

She bit back a smile. “Chinese.”

“Better.” He nodded.

“I like Chinese,” Steve said, also smothering a chuckle. “Same thing as always?”

“And donuts,” she added. “The hot dumpling ones they make.”

Her stomach protested grumpily. More and more, she was glad for those strawberry waffles. Though to be fair, Tony had debated cheeseburgers on the way to brunch.

“Done,” Steve murmured. He dropped another kiss against her lips as she walked him and James to the elevator where Tony waited. Maria made a low scoffing noise and Natalia rose to press a soft, lingering kiss to Tony’s lips. When the scoffing turned to choking, she chuckled against his mouth. 

Steve gave her a pinch, but his eyes twinkled even as Tony murmured, “You’re bad.”

“So they tell me,” she whispered back and winked. James brushed his knuckles down her cheek just shaking his head. Then they were gone leaving her with Clint and Maria.

“Drink?” Clint asked as she pivoted to meet Maria’s scowl.

“I could use one, did you smuggle something in?”

Clint chuckled. “I got beer and I got beer. You want the expensive stuff, we go to your floor.”

“Beer is fine.” Heading for the sofas, Natalia stripped off one shoe, then the other as she walked and dangled the heels from one hand. “We’re here, Maria, as requested. Both of us. Start talking.”

If anything, she wanted to just get this done. They had so many dangling threads to tie off or cut entirely. Clint exited the kitchen with three bottles of beer. He popped the lids on the second and third as he crossed to meet her, pausing only long enough to hand off a beer to Maria on his way.

“Don’t say I never did anything nice,” he commented and Maria snorted.

“Why the hell did you let her marry Stark?”

“Because the last time I checked, she was old enough to make her own decisions,” Clint said without missing a beat before handing a beer to Natalia. His back to Maria, his expression turned almost comical.

With a roll of her eyes, she nodded once. If Clint wanted to give Maria shit, feel free. Sitting down, Natalia lifted the beer to take a long swallow as Clint dropped to sit next to her. When he draped an arm over Natalia’s shoulders and let his thighs spread in that man sprawl, he smirked. “Doesn’t matter who she’s with, if I need her all I have to do is call. Right, sweetheart?”

“Pretty much,” Natalia agreed, sliding an amused look at him before she clinked her bottle to his. As one, they faced Maria again and the other woman just shook her head.

“You never understood what you had…”

Snorting, he said, “No, you never understood what we have or what you have. Also—none of your business, Hill. Never has been. Never will be. So sit your ass down and start talking or I’m taking Nat and going to hunt some food up before her stomach assaults me with all the noise—”

Jabbing a not so gentle elbow into his side shut him up.

After sitting opposite them, Maria took a long swallow of beer.

“Operation specs, Maria,” Natalia told her. “Because Clint’s not wrong. I could probably go forage something up in the kitchen, but I’d rather get this over and done with.” She crossed one leg over the other and let her dangling foot bounce a little.

It conveyed a sense of nervousness or vulnerability. If Maria went for it, she would probably soften up a bit. If she didn’t? Eh.

“Gear. Specs. Operational time frame. And where the fuck we’re going are all good places to start,” Clint added before he took a drink.

“Your standard gear is fine, mission specs and location will be given to you once we reach the drop.”

Yeah, that wasn’t unexpected.

“Time frame,” Maria continued. “I want to leave before dawn tomorrow, we’re talking a four-hour flight, we can probably cut it some if we push the quinjet.”

“Yeah, you want me to give up my beauty sleep…”

“Which he really needs,” Natalia added, she slid a look at him.

“Hey,” Clint protested.

She patted his thigh. “Now, now, you know how you get.”

“ _Anyway_ ,” he said with a snort. “That’s not enough data to run an op even if I did trust you, which to be clear, I don’t.”

“He doesn’t,” Natalia confirmed. “I can’t say I blame him. You did get him reassigned and you did your best to break up our partnership. That said, you also lied to us about Nick and kept up Nick’s lies for a while.” When Maria would have protested, Natalia pointed her beer toward her. “That said, you have come clean and you have been doing your best to make amends. That doesn’t mean we’re blindly following you into the fire.”

Maria sighed. “We had an agreement…”

“Okay, Maria, I want you to go on a mission with us, we’re not telling you where we’re going or what to expect on the other side, you get on the quinjet and just wait to figure it out when we get there.” Clint stared at her and even though his body posture was at ease and relaxed, his muscles were coiled tight where his arm rested around Natalia’s shoulders.

Another sigh escaped her. “If you think I don’t get the point, Barton…”

“No, I don’t think you get the point. Your singular goal seems to be scoring points with Nat. Fine, you want to make it up to her—God knows she deserves it after the shit SHIELD and you pulled—but no, Maria, I don’t trust you. I’m also not signing off on Nat following you on this mission without me, so… here I am. But we want more details than we’ll find out when we get there.”

Lifting the beer up, she drained it and then set the bottle down. “It’s a meet and greet.”

“With who?” Clint asked but Natalia said nothing. She already guessed part of it and Clint knew that so he was playing bad cop and enjoying himself so she just took a swallow of her drink and waited it out.

“With the new director of SHIELD.”

Yep.

“Thanks,” Clint said. “But no thanks.”

Setting the bottle down with a clank, Maria leaned forward. “I’m not offering to introduce you, I need you to go long enough to have face time with the director. It’s a trip there and a trip back.”

“If it’s just facetime then why the games and the riddles?” 

“No games. No riddles. I already said—I can’t tell you.”

“But you can show us?” Clint challenged, then made a show of dragging his gaze to Natalia. “Are you buying this?”

“Yes.”

He frowned. “Seriously?”

“That she can’t tell us more? Yes. That she wants to introduce us to the new director? Yes. That she wants the new director to know we know about SHIELD? Also yes.” Natalia didn’t look away from Maria. The other woman pleaded with her silently. “But there is something she’s holding back.”

Another sigh and Maria scrubbed a hand over her face. “I can’t tell you anymore.”

“Where is the new SHIELD located?” Clint asked switching tacks. “What have they been up to? Why are we only hearing about them now? Were they planning to let Nat and I just dangle in the wind with this Accords crap? What’s Fury’s level of involvement?”

“What’s yours?” Natalia added on the last question.

“My involvement is minimal,” Maria admitted. “I just happen to know where most of the bodies are buried. Being Deputy Director had some perks.”

“Good dental?”

She didn’t answer Clint, just glared at him before turning her attention back to Natalia. “Nat, I know you have no reason to—just trust me to do this. It’s not like Stark and the rest won’t be tracking you. I’m not a complete idiot. Even if I wanted to lead you into a trap or an ambush—which I’m not—you’re Hawkeye and Black Widow, you are your own extraction team.”

All true.

“And once you have all the details—you’ll understand.” The half-inaudible _I hope_ hung off the end of her sentence.

“Why?”

The single question from Clint hung there and Maria folded her arms. The defensive posture betrayed her a split-second before the pained expression had her relaxing her pose and dropping her hands to either side of her on the sofa.

“Because it’s the right thing to do,” Maria stated. “It’s been need-to-know for a long time. You deserved to know…” Then as if it physically cost her to say it, she added, “Both of you deserve to know. Once you have it—whatever call you two decide to make? That’s yours.”

“And the oath you gave holding your silence will be null and void.” It wasn’t a guess.

“It will be what it is. I work for your husband now,” Maria reminded her. “I have picked my side.”

“Then just tell us what we need to know without the dog and pony show,” Clint told her. “We have other shit going on, too.”

Like a new baby on the way and plans to relocate his family. Not that they planned to give Maria that information.

“Because I can’t,” Maria said. “If I can’t convince you—then I’ll leave it alone.”

Scratching his jaw, Clint gave Maria a long, studying look. “I really don’t like you.”

“The feeling is mutual,” she retorted. “This isn’t about us holding hands and skipping together.”

“No,” he murmured, then slanted his head to meet Natalia’s gaze. She shrugged. This was already a foregone conclusion. They’d had this discussion a couple of times already. “Fine,” he said. “But you better make me coffee in the morning.”

Lips curling, Natalia said, “I’ll even steal Tony’s expensive stuff for you.”

“Why would you have to steal it?” Maria asked. “Isn’t it half yours?”

She considered that for a long moment. “Prenup.”

“Over coffee?” Maria stared at her.

But Clint snickered.

“It’s Tony’s coffee, trust me, there are some lines you just don’t cross.” As playful as she made that statement, Maria nodded.

Message sent.

Message received.

“How is your shoulder?”

“Hurts like a bitch, but I’ll live.”

“Then go rest,” Natalia told her as she rose. “Take the elevator to the penthouse at 05:30.”

“Do I get coffee, too?” Maria asked with the barest hint of a smile.

“Sure,” Clint offered. “Just not the good stuff.”

With a roll of her eyes, Natalia headed for the kitchen to get rid of her beer bottle, Clint’s, and Maria’s. Behind her, Clint closed the space to Maria and issued some very quietly worded threat. She didn’t have to be right there to know he was doing it.

It was him.

When she did turn, she found the two of them locked in a silent battle.

Maria blinked first, then gave a muttered, “Fine. You have a deal.” Then she was striding toward the elevator.

“Good night,” Natalia called after her.

Then she was gone. Friday would return her to the guest floor she occupied and keep her there.

“This is a terrible idea,” Clint warned her.

“I know.”

“She could be setting us up.”

“I know.”

“Why the hell is it so important we meet the new SHIELD director in person?”

“Because Maria wants us to know who it is.”

“Do we really care?”

“Can we afford to not care?”

He scowled. “You noticed she skimped on any timing other than a four-hour flight?”

Natalia shrugged. “If it turns out to be a trap, we’ll get out of it. If it turns out to be nothing—then we know and she’s played her last hand. If it turns out there’s something we really do need to know… intelligence is never a bad thing.”

“I knew you were going to say that.”

She smiled. “You were enjoying winding her up.”

“Maybe… let you marry Stark. She really does think we’re still together.”

“Or something.” Not that Natalia cared. “You don’t want her to know about Laura so…”

“Agreed. I don’t trust her. I don’t know that I’ll ever trust her.”

“Then you just have to deal with being my boy toy on the side.”

He snorted. “Kid, I will never be a _boy_ toy.”

She chuckled. “

“Not to mention, I think you have your hands full.”

“Nat,” Friday said. “Mr. Barton, the food has arrived.”

Natalia’s stomach growled. “We’re on our way. Did they hear everything?”

“Yes,” Friday stated. “Boss agrees with Mr. Barton, he doesn’t trust Ms. Hill or why you have to meet the director in person.”

Oh, Natalia had a few ideas. They started with recruitment and ended in blackmail.

Wouldn’t be the first time.

Whatever it was, they’d deal with it.

~~~

Natalia twirled the noodles around her chopsticks as Tony scowled down at his StarkPad. “This so-called new SHIELD is doing almost too good a job of staying untraceable.”

“If they don’t network their systems externally, rely on single point firewalls before moving onto the net, it would be harder to track them.” She didn’t look up as she offered the answer, just picked the shrimp out of the box along with another bite of noodles.

James leaned forward. “Who is the new director? It’s not Fury.”

“Has to be someone we know,” Clint said flatly. “Taking us to meet a stranger wouldn’t do a damn thing.”

“Has to be someone Maria knows well and knows we know,” Natalia added. She’d been turning that over in her head. Running down the list of senior SHIELD agents who hadn’t turned out to be Hydra or hadn’t died after everything went down.

“If it’s someone you know,” Steve said, leaning forward, folded arms braced against the table. “Is it possible that makes it a trap even if she’s saying it’s not?”

“Anything’s possible,” Tony commented, his expression fierce. “The fact they rebuilt the damn thing in the shadows and kept us out of it entirely? That just screams shady.”

“Or they didn’t think we’d go along with any plan that put SHIELD back on the map.” For Steve, it wasn’t a question. The organization had been rotten to the core. There were good people. Good things they’d done. But even Natalia could look back at some of her missions with the stinging clarity of repaired memory and understood she’d done just as much for Hydra as she had for SHIELD.

The good.

The bad.

All of it.

“You wouldn’t have,” James said flatly and the silent consensus from the others concurred.

“Victoria Hand?” Clint suggested, but Natalia shook her head.

“Dead.”

“Seriously?”

Natalia nodded. “During a raid on the Fridge.”

“Fuck. Ballsy bitch.” Clint scratched his chin. “Hartley?”

She shot him a look. “Seriously?”

“Hey, she had skills.”

“She did, but she’d no sooner be a new director than I would be.”

“You’d be good at it,” Tony said and Natalia made a face.

“No thank you.”

Steve bit back a smile. “You could assign your own missions.”

“And decide your own security,” James offered.

She lifted her middle finger to each and every one of them and they laughed.

Clint wasn’t playing though, he had his fingers linked behind his head as he stared at the ceiling. “Weaver.”

“Too much of a paper pusher and far more likely to be caught up on the finer points of the bureaucracy than actually rebuilding SHIELD.”

“She has the technical skills,” Clint argued.

“Technical, but not refined. She was never ops.”

“Point.”

“Ops makes a difference?” Tony asked, his expression thoughtful.

“Makes sense,” Steve answered. “Ops utilized people from all over SHIELD, co-opted the skillsets they needed to get the missions done. STRIKE teams were more military-oriented. Science division handled research and development along with the science technical teams, but ops ran the missions.”

Tony scratched at his goatee.

“You don’t think it’s Talbot, do you?” Clint eyed her.

She snorted. “Unlikely. Though he would definitely not want us to know if he had made SHIELD operational again.”

“Who could convince Maria to keep the secret?” James asked. “You said she honors her orders and her promises. So who has that influence?”

“Nick,” Natalia and Clint answered in the same breath.

“But he’s not the new director,” Tony stated.

“Or so he says,” Clint argued. “At any given time, Fury’s had a dozen operations in play and not everyone knows what everyone else is doing.”

“This is true,” Tony sighed, aggravated. “Whatever they are doing, Maria feels like you two should know. Not us—you two.”

Natalia shrugged. “What I know, you’ll know.”

“Actually,” Clint said with a smirk. “She wants Nat to know. I’m included because she didn’t think Nat would go with her alone.”

“She’s not wrong,” James said and Natalia just rolled her eyes and wound more noodles around her chopsticks in thought. Of the senior operations staff—very few survived the Triskelion.

STRIKE teams went after senior operatives. Maria would have been targeted if they’d realized she was onsite. They thought Nick was already dead. The World Council had been more than neutered at this point, what few survived the insurrection had died or been arrested following Ross’ play. Yet…

“Hey,” Steve murmured, rubbing her thigh. “What is it?”

“The helicarrier.”

He blinked slowly. “Sokovia.”

“Son of a bitch,” Tony swore, disgust curling his lip. “He didn’t just pull that out of mothballs.”

“No,” Clint groaned then rubbed a hand over his face.

James glanced around at them. “What am I missing?”

“SHIELD didn’t have a fleet of helicarriers,” Natalia told him. “We had one that was damaged severely during the Battle of New York.”

“It was later mothballed for repairs,” Clint mused.

“But tremendous resources were being poured into the Insight project, which would explain why the helicarrier languished,” Natalia murmured.

“Then it just happened to show up for Sokovia, run by a skeleton crew,” Tony said slowly. “Was it the same helicarrier?”

“You didn’t dig into it?” Clint asked, surprise underscoring the words.

“He was distracted,” Natalia murmured for him. Distracted by the loss of JARVIS. Distracted by another fight with Pepper. Distracted by the creation and destruction of Ultron and the fact Bruce went missing.

“Yeah,” Tony said slowly. “It didn’t really occur to me at the time.”

“Because Fury,” Steve summed it up.

“All of Insights carriers were destroyed. If the primary helicarrier had been mothballed and in storage, it was likely somewhere in New Mexico or Arizona. Maybe southern California.”

“Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S.,” Clint stated.

Natalia nodded. “SHIELD was already active then.”

“I don’t think it ever stopped,” Steve said and Natalia agreed. “He cut us out because I told him it all went.”

“And I agreed with you.”

“Tony doesn’t play nicely with others,” Clint suggested and James chuckled even as Tony gave Clint a dirty look.

“I play just fine, thank you.”

“Yeah, that’s why you raided SHIELD’s file system the first chance you got.”

Tony shrugged but Natalia smiled as she set her food aside and leaned her head against Steve’s arm. He shifted in the chair to wrap that arm around her and pull her back against him.

“We’ll find out tomorrow.”

James studied her.

“Speaking of…” Clint rose. “I’m going to call my kids and read them a bedtime story and get some shut-eye. According to some people, I need my beauty sleep.”

Natalia smirked at him. “Send Laura a kiss from me.”

“Will do…just save some time for dinner with her when she comes out with me next week.”

“Done.”

“Night boys, don’t keep her up too late. I need her sharp tomorrow.”

“Bite me,” Natalia said and Clint just laughed.

After the elevator closed though, her smile faded.

“You’re worried,” James said, pushing his empty carton aside. He’d gotten the General Tso’s again and she’d had a couple of bites. It had been sharp and spicy. She should probably have ordered that rather than the shrimp and noodles, but hers had been good, too.

“I want to leave Clint here.”

“Not happening,” Tony answered. “Even if we agreed with you, he wouldn’t.”

She knew that.

“Why do you want to leave him here?” James asked.

Natalia shook her head. “I don’t know. The more I think about it—the more the who bothers me.”

Who did she and Clint have to see? Who could extract that kind of a promise from Maria? Sure, it could be Nick. In fact, no way Nick wasn’t involved. Steve tightened his arm around her.

“You’re still going.”

“Of course she is,” James retorted. “Because Natalia wants to know and Maria isn’t talking.”

“I could wear her down… but we have other problems.”

Problems they didn’t need to be distracted from.

“And a party,” Steve said, his tone dry.

“The party will be fine, it’s all taken care of and it will be here. We’re not taking chances.” On that point, Tony had been adamant and the guys were right there with him. “I’ve even got your intro song already picked out.”

She snorted but smiled. At least he sounded pleased about the last part. “I still need to talk to the DA.”

“Not until he and the state’s attorney pony up what they want to the lawyers, dear. Don’t worry, I already have them on it.” Tony’s smirk was adorable and Steve chuckled.

“Besides,” Steve added. “They have to go through us to get to you. I like the idea that they’re going to have to be more respectful.”

James wore an indulgent smile as he shook his head. “Steve wants to beat them up for you.”

“Yep,” he agreed and Natalia chuckled.

“Then there’s Kumar.”

Tony’s scowl deepened. “We’re all on that.” Clint hadn’t turned up anything either, but they all had feelers out and Natalia sent a message to Isaiah. At some point in the next few weeks, she had some housekeeping to do.

First the fires.

Then the maintenance.

“Where are you sleeping tonight?” James asked.

“I’ll flip you for her,” Tony said without missing a beat, some of the tension leaching out of his expression.

“Possession is nine-tenths of the law,” Steve said. “And I have her.”

“You also had her last night,” Tony countered.

“Shared her with Bucky,” Steve retorted and Natalia had to bite back a laugh.

“Yeah, just rub that in. So technically it’s my turn.”

“Except there are two of us,” James suggested. “Two nights with us to one with you.”

Tony narrowed his eyes. “That’s really splitting hairs.”

“You know as amusing as this is,” Natalia stated. “I’m not a bone to be tossed back and forth.”

“Exactly,” Tony said as he dug a quarter out of his pocket. “That’s why I offered to flip for it.”

Steve chuckled at her back. “However we decide it—it does bring up a conversation we should have.”

“Agreed.” Rising, Tony glanced at them. “How do you feel about me renovating a few floors and shifting things around?”

James raised his brows. “Moving us up or you down?”

“You up, clearly,” Tony told him. “I’m rather fond of the penthouse and my labs are here.”

That earned a fifteen-minute debate on how they would do it and the layout. Then the harder question, did Steve and James want to live with Tony full time, even if it wouldn’t be much different from how they were doing it now?

On so many levels, this was not a conversation she could ever imagine having.

“You,” Tony said abruptly, focusing on her, “are being curiously non-verbal in this discussion.”

“Because Natalia is leaving it up to us,” James answered for her. “She wants us to be happy with the situation.”

“But you need to be happy with it, too,” Steve reminded her.

“I have all of you,” she pointed out. “You’re all safe and here. We’re figuring this out. Even if it means wading through uncomfortable territory.” She had Peter and they would be telling May sooner rather than later. Then there was Clint and his family. “I’m happy with the Cliff House, with the Tower, with the Compound—as long as we’re together.”

“Staying together is more important than _how_ we stay together?” Steve asked and she smiled.

“Exactly. Besides—Tony wants to be creative and James is already considering how he can increase security on a larger living space while all three of you want to make sure you don’t irritate each other too much.”

“I don’t mind irritating them, Doll,” James said slowly, the corners of his mouth quirking.

“I bet I can irritate you more than you can me,” Tony stated, a glint in his eyes and Natalia groaned.

“I’ll take that bet,” James said diplomatically. “We’ll both lose to the Punk though.”

“Hey,” Steve said. “I’m the diplomatic one.”

“Oh ho ho…”

And then the debate began in earnest, but Natalia just let them hammer it out even as she turned over the plans for the following day. She would be in full gear. They would need to plan for the worst and hope for the best.

Kind of a normal day, she supposed.

Eventually, Tony decided he’d rather pull some hours in the lab and James went with him. Natalia and Steve wandered back to his floor and curled up to watch a movie. But she still couldn’t pull her focus away from speculating.

Steve paused the movie and glanced down at her. “Gear check?”

The corner of her mouth twitched. “Obvious, am I?”

“First mission in weeks. You want to make sure you have everything.”

“Do you mind?” She sat up, raising her brows.

“No,” he said, smoothing a finger between her brows. “I know you’re worried. You’re pulling it apart and trying to look at it from all angles and the more it proves elusive the more wound you get.”

“I don’t like ambushes. An op is only as successful as the intelligence at hand.” 

“I know,” Steve said, nudging her up before standing and holding out his hand. “Come on, Angel. Let’s go do a gear check and clean your guns. Then if that doesn’t relax you enough, I have other plans for you.”

“Other plans?” She raised her brows.

“Hmm-hmm…” He tugged her toward the bedroom. When he didn’t elaborate, she considered all the ways he could distract and relax her. As if reading her mind, Steve grinned as she settled at the dining table and began dissembling her Glock. “You’re not thinking about tomorrow, are you?”

“Not wholly, no,” she admitted and he grinned wider. 

Steve would never be truly sneaky, but she did enjoy this side of him. 

“As was your intention.”

He just smiled and went over her bodysuit carefully and the bullet proof vest he insisted she layer over it. 

Yes, she really did enjoy this side of him. 

And tomorrow would be there soon enough.


	37. Delta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Nat are finally made aware of an old secret.

**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

_ Delta _

**Natalia/Natasha**

She’d just slid a Glock into her holster when the elevator dinged open. She and Steve had ended up sleeping alone because James hadn’t left the lab all night even when Friday threatened to shut everything down on Tony and James. Whatever they’d told her had changed her mind and she’d apologized when she informed Natalia that she’d allowed them to work all night.

Tony vibrated with nervous energy and far too much coffee. His eyes were red-rimmed and his hair disheveled.

“Not a word, Red,” he told her as he strolled toward her. “It was all for a good cause and I napped from three until five.” He cupped her face and gave her a kiss. “Now, I need more coffee.”

Coffee was the last thing he needed but she held up a single finger to Steve and he nodded. The next batch he made would be decaffeinated. All-nighters were hardly new for Tony, but the last few weeks of regular sleep, exercise, and rest had done him wonders. His blood pressure and heart rhythms were better.

She wanted to keep them that way.

“He’s fine, Doll,” James murmured against her ear as he slid his arms around her and pulled her back to his chest. “Give me your wrists for a moment?”

Arching a brow, she lifted her hands and he slid his grip up to her Widow’s Bites and unclipped them. Coffee cup in hand, Tony turned to lean against the counter and watched as James pulled out a new Bite and clipped it into place before repeating it with her left wrist.

They were significantly lighter, slender, and lit up blue as soon as they locked into place. She flexed her fingers and studied the new Bites.

“They still fire,” James informed her. “If you are firing rapidly, they will increase in voltage by twenty percent until they double.”

Eyebrows raised, she tilted her head to glance up at him and he wore a faintly smug smile.

“You now have your own miniature arc reactors,” Tony informed her and Steve hid a grin behind his own cup of coffee. “No worries about needing to recharge or conserve them in a fight.”

“When you connect with a fist,” James curled his fingers over hers. “They’ll discharge with every blow.”

“They’re compatible with the bracelets beneath. While locked on, they work in concert when your shield is up and they’ll help spread out kinetic energy. Not as effectively as the suit, but enough to deal with a few direct blows.” Tony looked very pleased with himself.

“My favorite part,” James added as he slid one of her Glocks out of her holster and held up a similarly modeled weapon. One she recognized.

Tony had made her a gun that fit her grip and activated for her. Taking it, she checked the balance. It was damn near as perfect as her Glock. The gun lit up as soon as it came into contact with her palm.

“Nice.”

“Not the best part, Red.” Smug settled on Tony’s face as James took the gun from her hand and then tossed it to Steve. “Use the force.”

“Excuse me?” Natalia glanced at him.

“You heard me. Fist your hand and yank.”

The magnets they used to pull Steve’s shield and the sensors… she fisted her right hand and did a tugging gesture, the gun flew from Steve’s hand toward hers, handle first and she snagged it.

“No more lost weapons,” James murmured then pressed a kiss behind her ear. As if she lost weapons. Still, very useful.

“I’ll give Bucky forty percent of the credit for that one, though it’s just a modified version of what we did for the shield. It won’t work with  _ your _ Glocks,  _ yet _ . But it will work with these modified weapons and they don’t have to be lethal unless you want them to be.”

Tickled, she met Tony’s tired gaze. “You two do realize this is supposed to just be a meet and greet.”

“Doll, we don’t care.”

“What he said,” Tony motioned with his coffee mug. “I’ve been working on those Bites for a while. Bucky helped me rebuild and test them. You’re good to go.”

Steve grinned. “Just say thank you, Angel. You know they weren’t letting you go anywhere without updating something.”

A chuckle escaped her and she rubbed her hand along James’ arm. No, he’d always gone over every single one of her weapons. Worked with her over and over on it until she could clean and repair them to his satisfaction. Even then, he would still do it. Tony wasn’t much different, constantly tinkering, improving their gear and weapons.

Always better. Always faster. Always safer.

“Thank you, boys,” Natalia said slowly.

They chuckled and James accepted her hug, then lifted his hands to cup her face and kiss her. “You will be careful. You won’t trust anything you can’t verify. You will be back in one piece.”

The corners of her mouth twitched. She could give him shit. She could be annoyed. But he hated this. Really hated the fact she would be heading out without him right there even if they wouldn’t be that far behind. “Da, zvezda moya.”

She thanked Tony with his own kiss. “Give them hell, Red.”

Laughing, she shook her head. “I’m rather hoping this is a boring trip.”

It wouldn’t be.

Her gut hadn’t settled all night even with Steve’s distractions. Coffee in hand, they took the trip up to the penthouse where Clint met them. Like Natalia, he wore all of his gear and Tony handed him over a new quiver. Upgrades on his old one, by the time Maria joined them, the tension around the three men had thickened to the point of uncomfortable. Even Clint couldn’t get them to relax.

While they didn’t try to dissuade her from the current plan, clearly they were biting their tongues.

“Ms. Hill is on her way up.”

Game faces on, the tension dropped a notch but Natalia knew them well enough to know that until she walked back off that quinjet in one piece they weren’t going to settle. Cloaky hovered close by and she had a feeling that while he hadn’t gone to brunch with her, he would be joining this mission.

Liho rubbed her head against Natalia’s hip where she leaned against the back of the sofa. With three swift finger gestures, Clint said he wanted point.

With a lift of her shoulders, she agreed.

The Maria who walked off the elevator wore gear similar to Natalia’s but without the reinforcements. She also had a heavy jacket over her arm. Her hair had been pulled back high and tight.

“Deputy Director,” Natalia greeted her drily.

“Just playing my part,” Maria retorted. “Widow.”

The corner of her mouth kicked up when Maria met the three stony gazes of James, Steve, and Tony. They most likely had their gear aboard the other quinjet and it was ready to go.

“Shall we do this?”

“Let’s,” Clint said, taking point and he headed out. Natalia gestured for Maria to go next. If Clint took point, Natalia would take rearguard. While she believed Maria, she didn’t fully trust her either.

“Be good, boys,” Natalia said over her shoulder. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.”

Tony’s bark of laughter collided with Steve’s chuckle. But James’ expression never changed. At the doors, Cloaky surged toward her to settle on her shoulders. Maybe it was as uncertain about this op as she was.

Aware of their gazes on her, she made her way out to the quinjet without looking back. Onboard, Clint had settled into the pilot’s seat and the first argument of the day was already underway.

“I’m not giving you the coordinates,” Maria stated icily.

Good times.

“Then we’ll be sitting here a while.”

Natalia touched the comms unit in her ear and Friday gave her a voice check. “Receiving, Nat. We will keep transmissions brief.”

“Thank you,” she murmured.

“Wherever we’re going, we’re going to see the coordinates, Maria,” Natalia told her. “So just program them in if necessary. But we’re here. It’s the three of us. Stop playing games.”

“What she said,” Clint reiterated, so planted in that pilot’s chair it would be a pitched battle to get him out.

Huffing out a breath, Maria moved to sit in the co-pilot’s seat. “Fine.” She began entering the numbers and Clint shot Natalia a faint smirk as Natalia moved to stand next to them.

The cold air outside promised a frigid day in the city. The sun hadn’t even risen yet. Maybe she’d get to watch the sunrise en route. Arms folded, she had a good view of the Tower as Clint took them up. The other quinjet platform was located on the far side.

They didn’t swing around there. Maria expected them to follow. She expected them to track the quinjet.

Which was smart.

“Going cloaked,” Clint said as he engaged the stealth mode. The coordinates put them somewhere in northern Canada.

Really far north.

And west.

Four hours of flight time.

“No more questions?” Maria asked after thirty minutes of silence. Natalia had retreated back to one of the benches and sat with her head back, half-asleep. The westward trajectory would push off the sunrise.

“Are you going to answer any?” Clint challenged.

“Possibly,” Maria said.

Natalia was familiar with this game. “Which means you’ll only answer what you want to answer.”

“How about a question for a question?”

Subtle, Maria.

Smiling faintly, Natalia cracked her eyelids open and found Maria’s seat turned and focused on her.

“Possibly. What’s your question?”

“That means you’ll answer what you want to answer,” Maria said with the hint of a smile.

“True. But you won’t know unless you ask.”

Pushing upward, Maria left the co-pilot’s chair to move back to where Natalia sat. Clint tracked her with his attention split to monitor their progress. Friday could take over flight controls, but it was better to not remind Maria at the moment if she wasn’t thinking about it.

Clint, like Natalia, wanted to keep one hand on the wheel.

“If we’d read you in, in D.C., after the assassination attempt on Nick. Would you still be with SHIELD?”

“Not a question I can answer,” Natalia told her flatly. “SHIELD needed to go. A sentiment you agreed with, briefly.”

“Still agree with it,” Maria admitted. “Nick… Nick isn’t the only one who wanted it resurrected. But all the rot inside of it—Steve wasn’t wrong to say we had to tear it all down.”

“Then why get involved with the new one?”

“First? It was a favor. Then it was another favor. I didn’t support it, initially.” The flatness at the end of the sentence intrigued her.

“But you changed your mind.”

“Not exactly. Let’s just say I was persuaded that there was still a need.” Translation, whoever the new director was convinced her.

Head tilted, Natalia considered her. “You don’t believe this anymore?” That sounded wrong. Maria’s falling out with Nick notwithstanding, there had to be more to it if she turned her back on them now.

Only…

“No,” Maria admitted. “I think the world still needs SHIELD. I think they still need someone who is there fighting the fights they don’t see. The fights that might be below the Avengers paygrade. Nipping fights before they become them. You know—kind of how you and Barton used to operate before Nick retasked you.”

“Alien invasions have a way of taking priority,” Natalia reminded her. At her age, it still sounded strange.

“Agreed.” Taking a seat next to her, Maria turned her back on Clint fully. “That’s the thing, Nat. You. Stark. Rogers. You’re all focused on the big picture. The huge problems… and it’s cost all of you. It’s got the world targeting you. The Accords. The Press. Now you’re married to Stark. You think you’re ever going undercover again?”

“You let me worry about that,” Natalia reminded her. “But none of those were factors when SHIELD was being rebuilt amidst the rubble that was the Triskelion. You were there, Maria. You saw it. The bodies. Good people. Bad people. Not being able to tell friend from foe. It’s not even cool, and you’re already rebuilding an intelligence and stealth apparatus that allowed Hydra to flourish amidst it the first time? How can you be sure they aren’t doing it again?”

“We can’t. But if we do nothing, then we’re giving up.”

“The definition of insanity,” Clint said. “Doing the same thing over and over, expecting there to be a different result.”

“I’m not endorsing them,” Maria said. “I endorsed the Avengers. Then Sokovia… Germany…” She spread her hands. “Maybe my judgment should be suspect.”

Natalia snorted. “Perhaps.”

She wanted to ask her who the director was, but Maria had held out this long. She doubted she would say.

“Nat,” Maria dropped her voice. “No matter what happens when we land, I have your back.”

“That’s not ominous.”

“Well, I figure once everything’s out in the open—you’re going to take some issue with me.” The raw honesty there had Natalia narrowing her eyes and behind Maria, Clint frowned.

He signed.  _ Who? _

She shook her head.

That was what this all came down to—who was this new director Maria wanted to “show” them.

The conversation lagged, though Maria tried to bring up her marriage again and Natalia just stared at her until she let it go. Clint smirked when Maria shot him a dirty look and muttered comment about it being his fault.

The flight seemed interminable. Normally, she and Clint would chat, tease, or even play games but Maria being there changed the vibe. The closer they came to the coordinates, the thicker the tension grew. It wasn’t Natalia or Clint—it was Maria. Her shoulders were rigid, her jaw locked, and her lips compressed.

Finally, they reached what appeared to be the literal middle of nowhere. Rising, Natalia stared out the front toward the snow-covered landscape, heavy trees, and rolling hills.

There was nothing here.

Maria entered something on the computer. The silence inside the cockpit seemed to flex. The cloak, which had just been hanging out, slid over to drop back onto Natalia’s shoulders as if it, too braced.

“Welcome back to the Playground, Deputy Director Hill. Permission to land, granted. Please don’t forget to wear your lanyard.”

The land below cracked open to reveal a landing bay.

Clint blew out a breath as it peeled wider.

“Is that the  _ Bus? _ ”

“Yep,” Maria said. “We can land there.”

Her tone had grown clipped and the rigid set to her posture seemed to suck in even tighter.

The interior of the bay featured a lot of workers hustling. Technicians. Engineers.

Agents.

This wasn’t a small operation.

_ At. All. _

As soon as they touched down and secured, Clint locked the controls. Overhead, the daylight vanished as the great bay doors closed.

“Here we go,” Maria said, rising to take point. The cloak flexed against Natalia’s shoulders.

“Don’t get in the way,” she murmured to it. “In fact… hang out here, the ramp will be open.”

The cloak seemed to hesitate, then squeezed once before pulling away. It tucked itself up against the side as the rear bay hatch opened.

Clint stood next to her.

He tapped out a message.  _ She’s scared. _

Yeah.

Natalia got that, too.

Very little  _ frightened _ Maria.

Maria descended ahead of them.

“Maria,” a familiar voice called and Clint cut a look toward her. “We weren’t expecting you back.”

“Melinda,” Maria greeted her. “I brought friends.”

Natalia stood at the top of the ramp and met Melinda May’s gaze and the other woman’s whole posture shifted. It was a minute change. One not many would recognize, but Natalia had trained with her on occasion. May carried everything close to the vest.

After Bahrain, she’d shut down. But the familiarity remained.

“We didn’t discuss this.” She kept her voice down but it still carried.

“You’re right,” Maria told her, then glanced to where Clint and Natalia waited. The work around the bay slowed as those hurrying past seemed to notice them.

“Oh my god,” a voice exclaimed. “You bought  _ The Avengers _ here?”

“Fitz,” Melinda stated and the owner of the voice didn’t glance at her so much as gawk at them. Ops personnel and security appeared along the perimeter. Clint lifted a hand and scratched his jaw.

He’d take left.

She nodded. A mechanic moved away from an open console he’d been working on. “There a problem?”

“No problem,” Melinda said. “We have company.”

But there was definitely a problem.

“They’re here to meet with the director.”

“Maria,” Melinda’s voice carried all kinds of warning.

“Really?” another excited voice came from the direction of the lifts. A sandy-brown haired woman, a scientist or researcher from the looks of her, hurried out. “Oh.”

Clint moved forward and Natalia fell into step with him. “Aww, May,” he said by way of greeting. “You’re starting to make us feel unwelcome.”

Melinda frowned at him. Well, the closest she ever came to frowning. “Barton, you of all people should recognize that bringing highly-trained operatives into a secure location without any kind of warning or vetting isn’t going to go over well.”

“I don’t know, May,” Natalia said. “I was vetted for more than eighteen months. And I know what I’ve been doing for the last few years—how about you?”

All work had ceased.

“Nat…” she said slowly. Behind her, a familiar blonde strolled out and Natalia had to bite back a snort.

It figured Bobbi would be here.

The bay was so silent.

Bobbi locked gazes with her briefly, but Natalia kept her focus on May. Maria hadn’t moved. The sound of the elevator doors opening again had Clint adjusting his posture.

His abrupt stillness sent a ripple of apprehension along her spine.

May closed her eyes.

Natalia cut her gaze to the right and locked eyes with a dead man.

The man’s every step as familiar to her as her own. His suit hadn’t changed. Nor his particular choice in grooming habits, his hair remained as neat and styled as always. He was the most ordinary-looking of men, so easy to dismiss.

A fatal mistake made by far too many.

And apparently by them.

“Clint,” he said as he reached them and then he glanced at her. He opened his mouth, but Clint’s weight shifted and he moved. His fist slammed into Phil Coulson’s jaw and knocked him on his ass.

Three things happened at once, Melinda started forward and Natalia intercepted, one gun on her and the other on Bobbi. Maria had a gun out and she pointed it at security.

May met her look and Natalia said, “Don’t.”

“I’m not going to let him assault the director.”

It had all slotted into place when she’d seen Phil.

In her periphery, she could see Coulson on the ground and Clint looming over him. The rigid lines of Clint’s jaw and the hard stare she didn’t have to see to know they were there.

“Barton…”

“You son of a bitch,” Clint said. “How long?”

“Clint—”

“How. Long.”

It was a question she wouldn’t mind an answer to. May glanced away. Maria glanced away. Bobbie backed off a few steps.

“Right after New York,” Natalia said.

The Guest House.

A chill raced over her spine.

Phil had been the supervisor in charge of it before Fury handed it to her. But she hadn’t been back since before New York.

Hadn’t remembered the first time. What she’d done. Phil’s involvement.

“Nat,” Phil said quietly. “Put the guns down. We can talk.”

“We can talk.” There was a world of hurt in Clint’s voice. She rather doubted anyone else would hear it.

Natalia could only imagine Steve and Tony’s responses.

They’d been there when Phil died, too.

“Back off, Melinda,” Phil said and May took a couple of steps back. “All of you. Back off.”

Security lowered their weapons and only after they retreated did Natalia lower hers, but she didn’t holster them. Instead, she moved to cover Clint’s back.

Maria met her gaze once and regret etched into her eyes.

She’d known.

However this happened, however, it all went down. Maria had known.

This was her last secret.

The one she’d wanted Natalia to know.

“I’m getting up now,” Phil said and Clint didn’t respond. Once he was on his feet, he dusted off his hands and then straightened his tie. “Come with me. We’ll go to my office.”

Clint’s right hand still curled into a fist. A muscle ticked in his jaw.

Phil glanced at her. “Nat.”

“Yeah, we’re not that friendly anymore, Director.”

“Mrs. Stark, then.”

Natalia just stared at him.

His lips quirked. “Widow.”

Better.

“Hawkeye.”

Clint snorted and his hand opened. Natalia slid one of her guns away, then the other.

“Follow me.” Phil took two steps then paused. “Please.”

“I’ll stay here,” Maria said and Natalia nodded once before she fell into step with Clint. They were under the eyes of every person in the place. She’d already mapped a couple of passes through if necessary to eliminate targets. Security tracked them.

Melinda May tracked them. In the elevator, Natalia planted herself in a corner but her gaze locked on May’s as the doors dragged closed.

The same regret she’d seen in Maria’s eyes seemed present there.

The elevator ascended a few levels, then the doors opened. Phil glanced at them once before he headed out. His jaw had a distinct red mark and there was a hint of blood at the corner of his mouth but he addressed neither.

The corridor he led them down was bracketed by two large conference rooms and then a pair of sealed doors with one large door at the end. They had the feeling of vault doors.

“This was one of the first bases built by the SSR research divisions during the war.”

Oh.

Joy.

It was one of Peggy’s or Howard’s projects.

Steve and Tony would love hearing that.

“But I doubt either of you wants the history lesson.”

Neither of them answered as Phil opened the door to his office and allowed them inside. The room smelled like him. His favorite cologne, the crispness of fresh-pressed suits, old books, and his collection of antiques.

The items scattered along the shelves were equally familiar.

They’d once been housed in his office at the Triskelion before they’d been packed up and sent away.

Moving around his desk, Phil pressed a button and the room shuttered around them. The light dimmed a fraction and a red line appeared around the edges. “We’re secure,” he said, finally straightening to face them. “We’re free to talk.”

“Five years.”

Clint spit both words out like he fired bullets.

Phil exhaled. “Yes.”

“Five years and you’ve been alive this whole time.”

“Well, yes. I could prevaricate and tell you that a few months were actually missing, but—yes.”

Phil glanced at her but Natalia said nothing. This was Clint’s show at the moment. He and Phil had been friends longer than she and Phil. His death had cost Clint.

A guilt he’d lived with since the day of the raid on the helicarrier. A guilt that haunted him. 

“That’s good. So—you’ve been here, the whole time, Director?” The ice bridging each word dropped the temperature in the room.

“You can’t be any angrier than I was when I found out,” Phil told him flatly. “They decided…”

“Fury decided,” Natalia said quietly.

Shoulders drooping briefly, Phil nodded. “At the time, yes. Eventually, he wanted me doing off the book work and then…”

“Then Hydra. SHIELD falls only to rise with a dead man at the head of it.” Clint raked a hand through his hair.

Folding his arms, Phil nodded. “I understand how difficult this must be…”

“Do you?” Clint pinned him with a look as he stalked forward and slammed his hands down on the desk. “Do you know how difficult this is? You were dead, Phil. Loki put his scepter through your heart. You were dead because I got a crew on the helicarrier and staged a raid. But wait—you weren’t dead. No—you’ve been off doing fuck all and who cares if we knew.”

“You’re angry. I get it.”

“If you got it, you wouldn’t be just trying to sweep it under the rug. You’re not upset that we weren’t told. You’re upset that we found out before you were ready. Although at this point…I’m imagining you were never going to be ready.”

“It’s the job, Barton. It wasn’t my choice, initially. Then later—Fury had his reasons.”

“Oh, he always has his reasons.” Clint paced away from the desk and with his back to Phil, Natalia could read the grief and the rage colliding in him. The betrayal stung. “In the end, he hangs everyone out to dry.”

“It can feel that way. But the mission has always been to be the shield, to protect others. I could do my job without scrutiny from political oversight. We’re not—running fully under the radar. There are a few who know, but we’re working more with a hostile kind of truce…it’s complicated. We had to deal with our share of Hydra infiltrators and other issues.”

“Other issues. Must be something really big if you couldn’t pick up a phone.”

“I kept my eye on you,” Phil offered.

He probably realized his mistake the moment he said it.

“Really? So, when the whole world was hunting Nat? You just—what? Sat around, eating popcorn, waiting to see if she’d be caught? Or were you too busy on a mission? What about when they threw me and some of the other Avengers on the Raft? Did we catch you at a bad time? Of all the selfish—you were my friend, you asshole, and you let me think you were dead. You let us mourn you. There’s a grave with your name on it.”

“I’m aware.”

“And that’s it? You’re just going to stand there and say that’s the job?”

“You were agents, you both understood the cost. The sacrifices. It wasn’t my choice initially. Then later… there never seemed to be a right time.”

Clint snorted.

“Widow?”

Natalia raised her brows at Phil.

“You’re saying very little.”

“Well, Director. I’ve grown used to the compartmentalization at the top. Apparently dying and not telling anyone has become somewhat de rigueur.” She met his gaze even as Clint paced again. The agitation rolling off him had to be tearing his stomach up.

“I did try to bring you in,” he offered slowly.

“This is where Nick and Maria wanted to bring me…”

He inclined his head.

“Interesting.”

“You were in trouble, SHIELD protected you from a lot of backlash—”

“I’m fine,” Natalia interrupted.

“And you married Stark?” The surprise and near hint of teasing in his voice did nothing for her.

“That’s what you want to talk about?” Clint wheeled on him. “Nat’s marital status? Not, hey, good to see you survived an assassination attempt that was on national television. Or, hey good work on getting the team back together, I’m really impressed with what you Avengers managed to do.”

“I am impressed with what you’ve done. All of you,” he said. “I never doubted for an instant that you guys couldn’t pull it off. Well—maybe Stark gave me a few moments, but he got it together. You stopped the invasion—all of you. Working together. In Sokovia—okay there was another moment, the Ultron thing wasn’t so good.”

Natalia just shook her head.

“The Accords were mishandled.” Here he focused on Natalia. “You should never have been caught up in that political storm. I did want to pull you out, Nat. But we had to go about the approach to get you in—and that meant finding you first. Nick was going to bring you here after you took down Ross.”

The day he pulled up at the curb.

“He tried a few other times, but you weren’t cooperating and there was a concern about…”

“About what I remembered? About the Guest House? About the experiments there?”

His whole demeanor shifted. “My only concern about those things were if they caused you pain. I wanted you safe, Nat. I spent a lot of years looking after you and Clint both. We’re in the shadows here and we could protect you—help you put the pieces back together.”

Clint frowned. “You had one of those damn memory machines.”

Phil nodded. “Yes. It helped after…”

“After?” Clint prompted.

‘After the Guest House. After they used the GH-325 to revive you.” The life-saving drug infusion from an alien corpse.

Fury’s arrogance knew no bounds.

“Yes,” Phil said quietly.

“It drove people insane, Director,” Natalia reminded him.

“I know and the work you did on the memory machine—it let them fix me the way we fixed the others.” He spread his hands. “You helped save my life, even if you didn’t know it. I didn’t remember that part for a while…but when I did. No, I wanted to bring you both in, but you were with your family Clint and Nat—we couldn’t find you. Then when we could, you wanted nothing to do with us.”

She still didn’t.

Clint studied him for a long time then glanced at her. “Do you believe him?”

“He’s not lying,” Natalia told him, which made it a hundred times worse. 

“He thinks he understands what he did to you—what they all did to you.” Clint snapped. “But he doesn’t.” 

Phil sighed. “What can I do?”

“Nothing,” Clint said as he straightened. “You seem to be pretty damn good at it.”

“Clint—”

“Director.”

The emotional distance wouldn’t be bridged. He’d been their handler. Their friend. This lie went deep.

Worse…

“We should go, Nat,” Clint said. “It was a long trip for this crap. Could have saved a lot of time with one phone call.”

“Maria had orders,” Phil offered.

“You have no idea how much I don’t give a damn about her orders.” At the door, Clint said, “Open it.”

Phil didn’t respond immediately. Then, he said, “I would like you both to stay. At least talk this out.”

“I’d like it if you hadn’t let us think you were dead for years. We don’t always get what we want. You want to be dead, Phil. You go ahead and stay that way. Now open the damn door before I blow it.”

Natalia walked over to the desk, never looking away from Phil as she pressed the same combination he’d used to seal the room. It unlocked.

“You always were the best,” he murmured to her.

“I used to think the same thing about you.” The comment landed.

He dropped his chin.

Pivoting, Natalia followed Clint out. He didn’t look back once. There were a few people lingering in the hallway who tried to put themselves elsewhere, scattering like they weren’t gossiping about what was going on.

Melinda May stood at the open elevator, waiting for them. Clint didn’t even give her a look as he slipped inside and Natalia put herself between May and Clint.

Phil stood at the end of the hall, staring at them as the doors closed.

The elevator descended.

The doors opened to the hangar again and the volume cut off in a rolling wave. Not waiting, Clint strode for the quinjet with Nat moving at his back and slightly to the side aware of Melinda falling into stride with her.

“We should talk,” she offered.

“No,” Natalia told her as Clint vanished up the ramp. Maria stood just to the side of it, wary and watchful. Natalia glanced to May. “We should have already talked.”

“You know it wasn’t personal,” she said as Natalia stepped onto the ramp. “You know that. You know how the game is played.”

“I also know that life isn’t a game,” she told her. “Something you used to know, too.” Natalia glanced around the hangar then back to May. Aware of everything and everyone nearby, she turned and focused on Maria as she walked up the ramp and asked, “You coming?”

“Am I still welcome?”

“Debatable, but you might be more welcome with us than here. You also owe Clint a hell of an apology.”

Phil was likely watching them. The quinjet engines were already powering up as Maria followed her up the ramp and Nat faced the hangar as she hit the button to close it up.

Phil Coulson was alive.

A part of her wanted to celebrate that news.

But the rest of her?

She glanced to where Clint sat in the pilot’s seat.

The rest of her wanted to kill him for what he’d done to her best friend.


	38. We Used To Be Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Nat take off because he can't get his mind wrapped around the fact Phil is alive.

**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

_ We Used to Be Friends _

**Clint**

Behind him, Maria spoke to Nat, but Clint ignored her words. If he focused too much on the former deputy director, he might actually punch the woman. Some distant part of his mind understood she wasn’t to ‘blame’ but she was far from blameless. Her participation in the cover-up couldn’t be excused.

She followed orders.

So. The. Fuck. What.

Clint had been given orders over the years, including scratching Nat off. Some orders you just didn’t fucking follow if you had a soul. His jaw ached from grinding his teeth together, but he couldn’t relax the muscles bunching in his shoulders, back, and neck.

Phil was alive.

The son of a bitch was alive.

Not a day had passed in the last five years he hadn’t thought about him or regretted how his actions played a role in killing him.

It had fucking haunted him.

Instead of six feet under, Phil was out there rebuilding SHIELD. Rebuilding a life that had nothing to do with them. Keeping his distance.

Keeping his damn secrets.

Yes, he wanted answers, but he’d left before he put an arrow through him and committed the crime he’d blamed himself for years.

Hitting him once hadn’t even clipped the edge of the fury surging in his veins.

A cool hand settled on his shoulder and Clint let out a shuddering breath. “Want me to take over?” No demand, just an offer.

Nat wasn’t trying to talk him down. Not yet. It was coming. Of that, he had zero doubt. The fact she would try to talk him down just added salt to the burning wound. Phil had left her out to dry, too. Sure, he could say they had tried to bring her in. Not that they tried all that damn hard. One phone call. One fucking  _ word _ would have done it.

Instead?

Nothing.

Zip.

Silence.

Asshole.

“No,” he said. “I’ve got it.”

She didn’t question him or offer any skepticism, just leaned on the back of the chair. Maria was somewhere behind them and quiet. Probably for the better. They were under an hour out. Somewhere along the way, Nat had spoken to the others. He’d cut comms, unwilling to listen to the debate or the raw, undiluted anger probably rippling through Tony and Steve at the moment. Tony more than Steve, really. Steve hadn’t known Phil all that well. Bucky hadn’t known him at all.

Funny, the two men Phil had probably admired most out of all of them didn’t know him.

Tony had though. There’d been a respect there he hadn’t bothered to disguise. But Nat? She’d  _ liked _ Phil. Respected him. That friendship had become a grounding stone for her even if he was their handler. Phil had helped Clint with her, helped when she would slip—and now that he was aware of what Hydra had been doing to her behind the scenes, Clint didn’t doubt those slips weren’t just self-preservation for a woman whose mind had been toyed with for far too long.

Almost too soon, the Tower loomed ahead of them with the afternoon sun gleaming off the glass. It didn’t betray for an instant how freaking cold it was out there or how dark the past clawing at him was.

Touching down, he cycled through the shutdowns and then was out of the seat. Maria stood near the exit ramp and she hit the release for it. He made within three steps of her and pinned her with a look.

“Phil said they wanted to bring Nat in—there. Is that true?”

Maria nodded. “After everything went down in Germany and the hunt for her, Nick and Phil both wanted to bring her in. Put SHIELD around her again so they could keep her safe.”

“And they went about it sideways, because?”

“Because it was a need to know.” Maria shrugged. “If you ask me, they were counting on asking for forgiveness after the fact.”

He studied her then slanted a look at Nat. “She’s not lying,” Nat assured him. “Maria’s not thrilled with the whole situation…”

“In the beginning,” Maria started, but Clint held up his hand.

“Right now, I don’t care,” he told her, his voice clipped even as he fought the need to bunch up his fists. “You took us because you couldn’t tell us.”

While it hadn’t been a question, Maria nodded once. “You deserved to know. You—and I owe you an apology.”

“I don’t want it. Because your problem with me has never been Phil’s death.” She used it as an excuse as much as anything.

The fact she cut her gaze away served as confirmation. Shaking his head, Clint headed down the ramp with Nat falling right into step with him. The doors to the penthouse opened and Bucky met his gaze. As expected, the only thing he found there was a rough sort of sympathy. The man understood betrayal better than most.

Inside, Tony and Steve waited. Tony’s expression was thunder but Steve’s radiated fierce disapproval. Yeah. They were read in. Nat had kept comms open, everything they’d seen and heard had been sent over the line.

No more secrets.

It was better that way.

When Tony opened his mouth, Clint raised a hand. “Not right now, guys. In fact, I need Nat. So if you’ll excuse us.”

Steve gave him a nod and Tony snapped his mouth shut with a click of teeth.

“Take all the time you need,” Bucky said and Clint cut a look back to see him not staring at them but at Maria.

Fine, let Maria answer their questions. Nat squeezed Tony’s hand, then Steve’s arm on her way past, but she didn’t slow as she followed him into the elevator.

“You got alcohol?” he asked as the doors closed.

“Vodka.” Then… “Do you want to stay here?”

He really fucking didn’t, but this place was better for her. “It’s safer for you here.”

She snorted. “We’re our own extraction team, remember?”

The humorless laugh escaping him sounded hollow even to his own ears. “Fine, let’s get changed then.”

“My floor, Friday. You still have clothes there,” she reminded him and he nodded.

Once there, they said next to nothing as they stripped out of their gear and changed, both into jeans, t-shirts, and coats. Nat pulled on a pair of boots and he grabbed slid on the combat boots he favored when just tooling around the city. Nat had weapons strapped to her back and Clint pulled on a shoulder holster under his jacket.

Not as armed as he’d like, but armed enough, he cut a look to her. “Ready?”

“Yep,” she said then checked her wrists. Her bracelets were hidden under her jacket sleeves but not her rings. Steve’s dog tag chain was visible around her neck as was an arrow necklace.

For a split-second, the necklace alone settled him. No matter what had happened, they were still here. They’d made it.

In the elevator, he had to admit he was a bit surprised the guys weren’t already there, trying to talk them out of leaving or volunteering to go with. Maybe they’d all learned something.

“Nat, Boss has asked that you take one of the armored SUVs,” Friday stated and the Clint smirked. Or not.

“Tell him thank you, but I think we’re taking the bike. We need to cut loose a little.”

“Understood.”

The bike sounded good. A long ride. Time to get his head sorted.

Nat tossed him a neoprene face mask and he snorted but took it. She had her own. The air was definitely cold.

In the garage, he eyed the bike.

“That’s new.”

“Present,” she told him as she tossed him a helmet.

“Tony already trying to spoil you? Or Bucky looking to score points?” Yeah, he wanted to rile her a little. Teasing always helped.

“Actually,” she said with a smirk before affixing her neoprene mask. “I bought it, got one for Steve and for James, too. Need to add another for Tony if he decides he wants one.”

“Or he can ride bitch with you,” Clint teased her and she flipped him off before tugging her helmet on. He followed suit and comms lit up for him.

“Hop on,” Nat deadpanned. “Bitch.”

A real laugh snorted through him and he swung his leg over the back of the bike behind her. 

Setting his hands on her hips, he nodded when the engine rumbled to life  _ almost _ silently though the vibrations carried through it. “Nice.”

“Right?” Nat said. “Here’s hoping she rides as smooth as I think she will.”

“Sounds good.” Then… “Wait? You haven’t ridden her yet?”

“Nope. Tony took her apart and put her back together, too. So this should be fun.”

There was no doubt in his mind that Nat laughed at him, but the barest speck of panic bounced through his system. Whether it was over the fact Nat hadn’t ridden the bike before or that Tony had taken it apart.

“So, you promise he didn’t turn it into some kind of Transformer?”

Nat chuckled as she gunned the engine and rolled out. “Nope.”

She let him have his thoughts as they rolled up out of the garage. There was some press out there, but she avoided them neatly cutting away from the Tower through a series of back alleys. The bike’s maneuverability gave them a luxury that they didn’t have in cars.

He’d give her credit, the bike handled like a dream. Though it was cold as fuck to be whipping along in their jackets and jeans even if the jackets were insulated. The gloves helped, but not by much.

Nat had to be colder than him, not that she made much of a windbreak. Still, they cut through the city, and then she opened the bike up as she took the bridge toward Brooklyn. He had an idea of where she was headed and he just held on.

It took them a little over an hour before she turned the bike down a quiet street of brick-faced houses in Rockaway. The wind here was ridiculously cold and by the time she activated the automatic garage and pulled in, he was pretty sure he’d lost feeling in his legs.

They split up inside, Clint heading to crank up the heat as Nat went and got the fire started. He stripped out of the gear and stacked his next to hers before he dragged out a couple of electric blankets and plugged them in. Nat was in the kitchen; she pulled out the vodka and a bottle of whiskey.

“Ordering Pizza,” she called.

“Good. Make mine a double.” The bedrooms were pretty bare. They hadn’t used this safe house in a while. Or at least he hadn’t. The smell of dust lingered in the air and it had a mustiness to it. The heater kicking up added a faintly burnt smell to the ode du abandonment. “We need to hire a maid service.”

Her snort carried through as he stripped out of his boots and frozen jeans and traded them out for a pair of well-worn sweats and—fuck, his old Army sweatshirt was tucked into a drawer. He thought he’d lost that.

Nat had changed as well and he snagged her jeans on his way past and tossed all of it into the dryer and turned it on. The alcohol lined up on the coffee table and the fire licked away at the wood.

Phone in hand, Nat said, “Call Laura first.”

“I intended to,” he told her drily. Though, inside, he was a little grateful for the reminder. The changes between him and Laura were vital, but old habits had become habits for a reason. “Thanks, Kid.”

With a hint of a smile, Nat nodded to him and pulled out his own phone and sent Laura a text first.

**Clint:** Going dark for a day, maybe less. Just—need to get my head on straight. Got some really fucked up news, not bad, not even dangerous, just not sure what to do with it yet.

**Laura:** Are you with Nat?

**Clint:** Yes.

**Laura:** Take care of each other and don’t do anything stupid. Call me by tomorrow morning at ten my time, or I’m on a plane.

He smiled.

**Clint:** Yes, ma’am. Love you.

**Laura:** Love you more.

Of that, he had no doubt.

Leaning forward, he cracked open the bottle of vodka first, then the whiskey.

“It’s one bottle for you,” Nat told him crisply. “And that’s only if you eat all of the pizza I ordered for you.”

“And if I want a second bottle?” He dared her.

“We’ll discuss it when we get there. It all depends on how well you can argue your point.”

“Fair enough.” He filled her glass with vodka before he filled his own with three fingers of whiskey.

She was still typing on her phone and he gave her a beat. He only had to check in with one wife. Nat had three husbands—more or less.

He snorted. Well, one husband and two very intense male significant others because while he might tease them about being her boyfriends, there was not really much boyish about any of them.

A smile teased at the corners of her mouth and its very presence relaxed him. He’d never imagined her actually settling down, but the intensity of the domestic life around her suited her in a way he couldn’t have pictured before. Which was kind of dumb on his part, he supposed. She’d always fit in at the farm.

With a huff, she set the phone down and focused on him.

“All good?”

“Yes, but Tony is on a rant at the moment and I wanted to let him vent a little before I ignored him and I had to promise to make it up to him.”

Clint chuckled. “Do I want to know what that entails?”

“Probably not,” Nat said with a shrug. “I don’t mind. Steve is keeping an eye on him at the moment.”

“Bucky follow you?”

“Probably.” She glanced toward the door. “I told him if it got too cold he should come in, but he hasn’t responded. I suppose he thinks if he doesn’t admit it, I won’t know.”

His laughter turned real this time and Clint held her drink over to her. “You know, Kid, I never thought I’d be able to say it, but I think you’ve met your match in the guy who can out stubborn you.”

“Well he might have been the first,” she admitted as she raised her glass to him. “But he wasn’t the last.”

They clinked their glasses together and then tossed them back as one. The whiskey burned its way to his guts, chasing out the chill. “Phil’s alive,” he exhaled.

“So it would seem.” She sighed. “I’m sorry—though it seems weird to apologize or empathize with what should be good news.”

“Five years ago it would have been amazing fucking news,” Clint said. “Four years ago? Fuck, I’d have taken it two or three years ago.” But now? After everything? “It wasn’t even his choice to tell us, Nat. Maria outed him.”

“I know.” She refilled their glasses and Clint focused on the fire. It would take more than one glass to blunt the edges. With Nat here, he was free to drink himself into a stupor but he didn’t do blackout drunk anymore.

Hadn’t in a long time.

With Bucky out there somewhere, he didn’t even have to worry about watching Nat’s back too closely. The man wouldn’t let anything get close to her if he could prevent it.

“That shit at the Guest House,” Clint said slowly. “That volunteering you did to help them calibrate the memory machine. He was there, wasn’t he?”

She hadn’t said a word about it. She wouldn’t. She’d want to protect him.

“He was in charge of it,” Nat admitted. “He was the one who told Nick they were going to have to shut it down. The cost was too great for the reward.”

“But they saved his life using what you did.”

“No, they saved his life using the drug derived from the alien. I’m guessing they saved his sanity from what I did with the machine.” Another shrug. “I don’t know that the details are all that important anymore.”

“They’re fucking important to me,” Clint said before tossing back the next shot of whiskey. The burn warmed him and eased some of the tension banding his shoulders. “How are you so calm about it?” She’d kept her emotional distance there. Kept her head when all Clint could hear was the pain in her voice when she'd told him Coulson was dead.

“I’ve had a lot of blows the last few weeks,” she reminded him and he grimaced. “I’m not entirely sure what to do with this one. On the one hand—it’s Phil.”

Which summed up so much about their former handler. Phil had been the lodestone, the calming center. They never shocked him when they went off-book. While he might give them mission requirements, he left it up to them. The few times he’d put his foot down had all been related to safety issues—ones Clint could agree with because they directly impacted Nat and the risks she took.

“On the other hand,” he countered. “Phil lied to us.”

“He probably had orders.”

“Fuck. His. Orders.” Clint glared at her. “If Fury ordered you to play dead, would you?”

“Then?” She shrugged. “Probably.”

“But you would have gotten word to me.” No question existed within him.

“The same way you’d get word to me,” she agreed and he allowed himself a faint smile. “Be harder to do these days.”

“Play dead?”

She nodded.

“Don’t see anyone asking us to do that.”

“Nope.”

They finished their next round of drinks before the pizza arrived. Nat paid the kid at the door and returned with two large, packed pizzas. Leave it to her to get the supremes with everything on it. Thankfully, she never subjected him to anchovies.

He grabbed the roll of paper towels from the kitchen and they tucked into the pizza. The fact there were two more sitting on the counter in the kitchen made him smile. A peek showed they were meat lovers. Probably for Bucky.

“He gonna come in from the cold?”

“When he’s ready,” she said. “He’s probably giving us time to talk. He didn’t know Phil but—he knew what he meant to me and to you.”

Yeah. Who knew that only a few months after being ready to put a bullet between his eyes, Clint would admire Bucky. “Yeah well, I’d prefer he didn’t get blue balls on my account.”

Nat chuckled and lifted the vodka glass. “James can take care of himself.”

Yeah. They all could.

“I don’t get why,” he said after a long time, not talking about Bucky anymore.

“Well, I can’t tell you with any certainty, but I would imagine—it started out as an experiment they weren’t sure would work. Particularly with the severe side effects. Then after, maybe they had to rehab him. And later, they couldn’t trust that we wouldn’t reveal he had died. Because—“

“Because you couldn’t be briefed and handle a cover where you never admitted what you knew to be fact.” The scathing note in his voice wasn’t what she deserved nor was it particularly pointed at her. “They didn’t fucking trust me.”

Nat didn’t disagree. “Then SHIELD fell. Fury wanted me to go with him at the end and I said, ‘no.’”

“So maybe he would have told you if you’d been a loyal little lap dog instead of expressing your independence?” Fuck Fury.

He knocked back another whiskey.

“I don’t know, Clint. I know that sometimes—after you’ve told a lie long enough, it becomes almost impossible to embrace the truth. To admit it aloud. Maybe Phil just didn’t know how to tell us. Because face it… it’s a betrayal no matter how he words it.”

On that, they were agreed.

He stared into his glass. “So they’re rebuilding SHIELD and the one guy I would have said I trusted no matter what is leading it.”

“And you don’t trust him anymore.”

Slanting a look toward her, he raised his brows. “Do you trust him?”

“I don’t even know if it’s him anymore. Looks like him. Sounds like him. Moves like him. But the Phil I remember?”

“Exactly.”

They sat there in silence as he knocked back two more glasses before Nat pushed another piece of pizza into his hand.

“You’re always looking after me, Kid.” The whiskey had managed to dull some of the sharper points though his words weren’t quite slurring. He still couldn’t slug them back the way she did. Though her vodka had barely used up the whole neck. She wasn’t really drinking.

No, Nat was watching his back.

“It goes both ways.”

His bladder protested and he rose. “I’ll be back.” He stuffed the last bite of his slice into his mouth and headed for the bathroom.

He’d just finished taking a leak when his phone rang. Not recognizing the number, he sent it to voicemail. One look in the mirror told him he needed to dial back on the whiskey. The phone rang again.

Declining the unknown number, he set the phone down and then splashed some water on his face.

A message buzzed on the screen.

**_You’re at 3321 Randolph Avenue, Rockaway. Answer the damn phone Barton. Or my next option is knocking on the door._ **

Lifting the phone he stared at the message even as the phone began to ring again. Walking back out, he hit answer and met Nat’s gaze where she sat on the sofa.

“Barton.”

“I thought I’d give you both some time to cool out.” Phil sounded so reasonable. Nat snorted softly and shook her head.

“You thought a few hours was all we needed?” Thankfully, his voice didn’t slur.

“Probably not, but too much longer and you’ll just stew and I think you’ve waited long enough for a real explanation.”

He snorted.

“You know what…”

“Clint…” Some of the patience in Phil’s voice drifted away. “Open the door. I brought more pizza and I got you your favorite beer.”

“You do realize you’re supposed to bring something for the lady of the house…”

“As if I’d forget Nat’s vodka.”

Pushing off the sofa, Nat drifted toward the front door, a gun in her hand. She threw the locks and pulled it open. The first wash of icy air preceded Phil’s entry. Though Clint almost felt sorry for him when a shadow loomed right up behind him and Phil shifted his weight abruptly.

Bucky just eyed him before nudging him forward.

“Hi James,” Nat greeted him as she stepped aside to allow Phil in with his pizza and bag of booze. The other man dipped his head to brush a kiss to her cheek before he shut the door and bolted it.

Clint shut off the phone and folded his arms.

After surrendering the pizza to Nat and setting the alcohol down, he endured Bucky’s less than gentle pat-down.

Probably petty on his part, but Clint didn’t mind the confusion waging a battle against hero-worship in Phil’s eyes. As for Nat, she just waited by the wall and accepted the weapons Bucky removed from Phil before he straightened and backed up a step.

“Your people down the road can leave,” he informed him. “Or I’ll make sure they leave.”

Blowing out a breath, Phil pulled his phone out of his pocket and hit one number then put the phone to his ear. “I told you to go after you dropped me off.” He waited a beat. “That’s an order, May.” Another beat. “Yes, I do know what I’m doing. Now go.” He hung up then said, “Sergeant Barnes, it really is an honor to meet you. I wish I had known about you earlier, I assure you I would have done everything in my power to extract you.”

Bucky just stared at him.

A chuckle escaped Clint and he shook his head as the sound drew all of their attention.

With a sigh, Phil stripped off his jacket and set it aside before handing Nat his phone. “It’s good to see you, Nat.”

“I can’t say the same,” she replied and Clint bit back another smile. She compartmentalized with the best of them, but this wasn’t just shutting away her emotions—this was her undecided on how she felt about the whole situation.

Phil would have been the one person Clint could guarantee she trusted nearly as much as she trusted Clint.

That wasn’t a trust he’d win back easily.

“Fair enough. Food? Beer?” Then he faced Clint. “Talk?”

“I don’t know what you hope to accomplish here.”

“That makes two of us. I half-expected to have to wade through the Tower defenses and get past Stark to find you two, then when I put a trace on your phone, I find you heading out here.” He glanced around the room, his gaze assessing. It wouldn't be hard to note the dust and general air of disuse. “You two always had a habit of creating boltholes wherever you might need them.”

Nat leaned her head toward Bucky and murmured against his ear, then he nodded and took the weapons from her—except for her gun—and headed toward the kitchen.

Phil moved over to one of the two chairs near the fire and took a seat. In his suit, the place looked even shabbier, though he didn’t bat an eyelash at the dust that rose up when he sat down.

“I’d have taken the time to clean, but we weren’t planning on company.” Clint dropped into the chair opposite his leaving the sofa open for Bucky to sit with Nat. the other man didn’t disappoint, he returned with the extra pizzas and the beers. When she curled up next to him, Phil stared at them for a beat then met Clint’s gaze.

Nat took a bite from a slice of the meat lovers—yeah they hadn’t brought out Phil’s pizza other than to set the box next to him—then she offered the slice to Bucky. He murmured something to her before he took it and then returned to staring at Phil.

Clint would give him points—he didn’t flinch under that cool-eyed stare.

“Whenever you’re ready,” Phil offered.

“I was ready five years ago,” Clint told him bluntly. “We’re long past that point.”

The other man offered him a single nod. “I’m sorry about that, Clint. More than…more than I can probably ever offer you. I did check on you. Made sure that you were doing alright. I know it’s not enough…”

“No,” he said with a sharp shake of his head. “It’s not. What’s the goal, Phil? Now that we know, you want to do damage control?”

“Yes,” Phil admitted. “And no. Now that you do know, I wanted to see you. Both of you.” He swung his head to include Natasha in that. “I can’t apologize. I can’t offer you an explanation either of you are likely to accept. But I also don’t want either of you walking away thinking I abandoned you.”

“Well, the truth may be a bitter pill, Phil,” Natasha said easily before she tossed back her vodka. “But I’ve had to swallow much worse.”

Bucky’s expression grew stonier.

“I know, Nat. Maybe more than…”

“No,” Nat told him. “Not more than me. I remember.”

Surprise rippled across his face and Clint popped open one of the beers and took a swallow. Nat had just done Phil a favor. Because if he tried to play fast and loose with anything he thought she might not remember…

“Nick and Maria thought you might be remembering,” he said quietly. “That your memories were finally surfacing after all these years.”

“You could say that.”

“Not sure whether I should say I’m happy for you or not,” Phil admitted. “I can’t imagine it was pleasant.”

Nat just shrugged. She wasn’t offering him any more crumbs. “We’re not here to talk about me.”

“Fair enough,” he said. Then he sighed. “Guys, I’m sorry that you were kept in the dark. Initially—that decision wasn’t mine. I didn’t… I didn’t know I’d died.”

“Excuse me,” Clint said as he lowered his beer.

“I didn’t know I’d died.” If talking in front of Bucky bothered him, Phil didn’t let it show. Maybe he was trusting him being there because Nat and Clint did. Or maybe it was his own hero worship. It didn’t matter. “Dying is…very traumatic. The mind doesn’t want to accept it. What they used to help me recover does things to the brain.”

He cut a look to Nat.

“She briefed us,” Clint warned him and Phil sighed.

“Good. Then I don’t need to recount it. Needless to say, when I first came out of it, I thought I’d been on a vacation.”

“Tahiti is a magical place,” Nat murmured and Phil grimaced.

“It sucks.”

The corners of her mouth twitched but she didn’t betray a smile.

Clint wasn’t willing to smile at all. “So you thought you’d been in Tahiti, where the hell did you think we were?”

“That you’d be reassigned. That my death had been a necessary instrument to motivate the Avengers to finally work together. To get Steve in the fold. To get Stark off his high horse. To lure Banner in. To an extent to convince Thor since he seemed fond of me.”

“And we were just collateral then?” The more he spoke, the more it sounded like Nick.

“Unfortunately,” Phil admitted, then leaned forward to claim his own beer. He knocked the lid off the top on the corner of the table as neatly as if they were in some dive bar. “You were both on assignment and you were recuperating and not really cooperating.” The last he said to Clint and Clint shrugged. “Then it was Nick’s thinking if I told you—that it might undo the glue holding the Avengers together. Nat was doing an admirable job as your handler. You didn’t need me. Then…then Hydra happened.”

“Yeah, just snuck out and ambushed us.”

Phil glanced at Bucky then at Nat before looking back to him. “Garrett was Hydra.”

That had to have been a blow. They’d been close.

“I had Hydra on my team.”

“Hey, us too—weird how that happened.” Clint didn’t feel for him. “We were all caught with our pants down.”

“Then you get it.”

“No,” Clint said. “I don’t. If it had been me? Or Nat? We’d have found a way to contact you. To contact each other. You left us out in the cold. You left  _ her _ out in the cold.”

No amount of apology would change that.

“Things happened.”

“They always happen, Phil. It’s why you rely on the people you trust to have your back.” Clint rose and put the bottle on the table. “It’s why you have to trust the people at your back. I get it. Loki fucking turned me inside out. I was damaged goods. But Nat wasn’t and you did it to her as much as you did it to me.”

Because as long as he could be angry about what they’d done to her, he didn’t have to focus on the raw sting of being left behind.

“I’ve spent the last five years hating myself a little for getting you killed. But you weren’t dead. No, your explanations don’t work for me. So—thanks for nothing. There’s the door.”

With a look to Nat, Clint added, “I’m going to shower. Throw some coffee on?”

“Sure,” she murmured and Clint left the room. Phil called his name but he ignored him. Nat wouldn’t let him follow.

And right now, Clint needed a minute.

He might need more than a minute.

In the end, it boiled down to the job.

The mission.

It had always been more important even after years of Clint and Phil working to convince Nat there was more to life than the mission. The irony that he’d put the mission first cut deep.

Thirty minutes of a hot shower later, he returned to find Phil still sitting there, one leg crossed over the other.

“I’m not going anywhere until we talk Barton.”

“We have talked.”

“No, I talked. You’re still not willing to listen. So now I’ll sit here—you talk. Let me have it. Get whatever it is off your chest…” As if the bruise on his chin didn’t already speak volumes for Clint’s feelings.

“It’s up to you,” Bucky said quietly. “If you want him gone. He’s gone.”

But it was Nat Clint looked at. Her gaze said that any intelligence was better than none. They didn’t have to believe him.

With a twist of his fingers, he told her,  _ I don’t want to hear this. It’s just going to piss me off more. _

She dipped her lashes once, then signed,  _ Then listen as Hawkeye, the agent and hunter, not as the family who wants to protect me. _

He snorted.  _ Like you’re trying? How is that working for you, Widow? _

_ Badly. I could kill him for hurting you. _

_ Ditto. _

_ Then we listen. What else do we have to lose at this point? _

Fuck. He hated it when she was right.

In this case, she was right.

_ We have your back _ , she promised.

_ Never a doubt in my mind, Kid _ .

When he returned his gaze to Phil he found the man shaking his head. “You two still do that thing…”

“It’s called trust.”

“I’m aware.”

“Fine, you really want to hear what I have to say?”

“Yes.”

Dropping into the chair, Clint bared his teeth in a flash of a smile. “You won’t enjoy it.”

“I’ve survived worse.”

The hell of it was, he probably had.

Fine.

“Have it your way,” Clint told him as he leaned forward.


	39. Awake and Alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Tony have a chat with Maria and Coulson listens to Clint and offers a real apology. The Avengers close ranks.

**Chapter Thirty-Nine**

_ Awake and Alive _

**Steve**

“Baby Girl, ask Red to take one of the SUVs, yeah?”

“Will do, Boss.”

Steve stared at Maria, arms folded. Bucky had already headed down in prep to follow. Any other time, Steve might have balked at the intrusion, but not now. Not after everything. Nat wasn’t shutting any of them out. Comms had been on the whole way. When Coulson had appeared to them—it was probably a good thing Steve hadn’t been there.

He was so fucking tired of things coming out to snap at them from the past.

“She’s taking the bike, Boss.”

“Of course, she is.” Tony shook his head and then took a swallow of coffee. Rage vibrated off of Tony in pulsing waves, not that he tried to disguise it. His voice, though, never wavered.

Maria transferred her gaze from Steve to Tony. While undecided on what to do with her ultimately, Steve had no intention of letting her leave until Natasha was clear of the Tower.

After that revelation, Steve had zero doubt about Clint needing his best friend. Bucky would keep an eye on them, watch their backs, and Nat still had her bracelets on which meant Friday could track them, too.

No, they would stay here and deal with Maria then figure out the next step.

“Clint didn’t want to hear what you had to say,” Tony said abruptly. “I do.”

Maria sighed. “Do you mind if I get a drink?”

“Yes,” Tony said. “But I’ll get it for you anyway. Coffee or water? Then start talking.”

“Coffee would be great,” she said, then folded her arms. Steve watched her and not for the first time, wished he had some of Natasha’s ability to distance herself. No matter how impassive and impartial he tried to be, he couldn’t shake the sting of betrayal—not to him. Not really to the Avengers as a whole. Fury was a manipulative son of a bitch, though that was hardly news.

Clint and Natasha had valued the man. Trusted him. Held him up as something they could admire about an organization that betrayed them.

Only to find out they’d been left to mourn a lie.

“After Loki’s assault, Coulson died,” Maria admitted. “The cards Nick used to motivate you—they’d been in his locker. He’d already had the body dispatched to The Guest House before you even headed for New York.”

Tony returned and set a mug down in front of her, then handed a second one to Steve. “Thanks,” Steve murmured to him. Tony clapped his shoulder then turned to face Maria.

“I didn’t know—immediately,” she tacked on that last bit, then took a sip of the coffee before she glanced over at the living room but rather than sit she kept to her feet.

Probably wise.

“Long story short, they did everything they could to revive him—including the use of a classified substance…”

“Alien substance,” Tony told her and Maria’s expression tightened.

“Nat really has told you everything.”

Steve didn’t smile but Tony did. “We’re married. Honesty between spouses is a good thing.”

Despite his best attempts, Steve actually chuckled at that and Tony flashed him a slightly wider grin as Maria grimaced. Maybe he shouldn’t enjoy making her squirm, but Maria disliked their claim on Natasha and Steve had zero intention of leaving her thinking there was any kind of opening.

“I have no idea how you tricked her into that, Stark,” Maria admitted.

“Be careful, insulting your boss is not a way to get ahead in this business. Besides… who says she didn’t spy whammy me? I am a catch after all.” The smug smirk had Steve shaking his head.

“We’re getting off track.”

“True,” Tony admitted. “But she started it.”

“Well, I’m ending it. Back to what happened.” Steve pinned her with a look.

“It worked, but there are drawbacks with the treatment. Causes insanity—so—“

“So you have to do memory modifications,” Tony said, his voice brimming with disapproval. “The memory machine.”

One nod.

“The one Nat calibrated,” Steve clarified and earned another nod. Disgust curled through him.

“Then we had to monitor him because we didn’t know if there would be any longer-term effects,” Maria said quietly. “All the other candidates who’d undergone similar treatment went mad until Nat…”

“Until Nat let you poke around in her brain to test your toy.” Dislike licked every one of Tony’s words.

“Yes,” Maria admitted with a grimace. “She saved their lives. I don’t like that it happened any more than you do. But without her—we’d have lost all of them and there would have been no chance for Phil.”

“Well that just makes it all worth it,” Steve murmured. What had Natasha said? If it helped to save any of them? It was worth it to her. Yeah, while that was her call, it didn’t make what was done to her right or the fact they came up with it in the first place.

It all came back to what she’d said in the back of the car outside of Prague.  _ “I’m just a cold-blooded killer and a criminal. They’d dissect me in a heartbeat.” _

“We kept him on isolated missions, assigned him a team that could treat any issues, and deal with him if he became a threat.”

Steve couldn’t imagine the Phil Coulson who stuttered when he spoke to him being a threat to anyone, but maybe that was why they had been concerned.

“Then D.C. happened and he took his team off-grid, responded to the threat, fought to keep what small piece of SHIELD he had alive even with Talbot hot on his trail.”

“In the meanwhile, you know all this and say nothing to anyone,” Tony mused aloud.

“I had my orders,” Maria admitted. “I also—didn’t know if it changed anything for anyone. Phil is the guy he always was and at the same time, he’s not. Dying changed him.”

It would change anyone, Steve imagined.

“And why now?” Steve understood she’d done it for Nat, but he wanted to be absolutely clear. “Is SHIELD coming out of the shadows?”

“On that? I don’t know. I meant it when I said I’d burned those bridges and what bridges I hadn’t burned before I definitely did today when I took them right into the heart of their base. I know Phil’s kept his eye on both of them. After Germany, Nick told me our goal was to get Nat to Phil. At least there, we could protect her. When her memories became an issue, we thought the machine could help.”

“But you didn’t say a damn word,” Tony gritted out each word like it pained him.

“Nat and Mr. Barton have left using her motorcycle. Sergeant Barnes is tracking them as am I.” Friday’s quiet information filtered through his comms unit.

Tony’s fingers twitched at the news. Steve got it. He’d rather be with Nat, too, but Clint needed her so they’d stay and deal with this.

“No,” Maria said. “I had my reasons and you have yours to disbelieve or dislike mine. I understand that and I respect it.”

“And why now?” Steve reminded her because she hadn’t answered the question.

Maria met his gaze steadily. “Because Nat’s never going to trust me if I keep any more secrets. She may never trust me again and I’ll have to live with that. But despite what either of you think, I do care. So I made my choice. That means what I know, I’ll share—if she asks.”

“If  _ she _ asks?” Steve raised his brows. “So she has to know what to ask?”

With a short shake of her head, Maria said, “You misunderstand me or maybe speaking in vague terms won’t do it. If I know something she needs to know, I’ll tell her. If I can help the team, I’ll tell you.”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Steve exhaled a breath. “I’d like to say I believe you…”

“Trust has to be earned,” Maria stated. “I understand that.”

“Do you?” Tony asked, brow furrowed in a deep frown. “Do you understand what will happen if you screw her over again? If you betray any of us?”

“Pretty sure Barnes will take that out of all of your hands.”

“Well,” Tony said. “You’re not wrong.”

No. Bucky wouldn’t leave a loose end to hurt her and Steve was long past the point of patience with this.

“For now,” Steve said. “You’re still recovering and you still have a floor here.” He glanced at Tony and raised his brows. The other man shrugged. “You can stay there and until you’re healed.”

“And if I have a job for you,” Tony continued. “Or Friday does…”

Maria nodded. “One day at a time.”

A glimmer of sympathy slid through him, but not enough to bend. Not yet. “Or the Avengers do,” Steve added.

She gave him a crisp nod. “Understood.”

“Go get some rest,” Steve told her, waiting until she’d reached the elevator before he added, “I want a full briefing on SHIELD resources, personnel, and locations.”

Tony flicked a look at him.

The hesitation in Maria’s step resonated but she nodded. “I’ll put it together.”

Then she was gone.

“Nice one,” Tony said. “I’m almost impressed.”

“Don’t be,” Steve told him as he scrubbed a hand over his face. “This—is a mess.”

“It’s funny—wait. It’s not funny. It’s infuriating. But it’s also funny.” Tony flitted back and forth between the two ideas as he carried his mug toward the kitchen. “Normally, I’d kill for a drink right about now.”

“You’re not?” Steve turned to lean against the back of the sofa, tracking his passage.

“No,” Tony said slowly. “Agent—is alive. It’s not good news. How fucking ironic is that?”

His absolute fury when he’d heard his voice over the comms earlier in the day lingered in the background of that question. Though he seemed to have gotten some of his agitation under control.

“It’s a good sign,” Steve told him. “You aren’t leaning on something to deal with your responses.”

“Maybe.” Tony nodded to him. “Need a refill?”

He shook his head after a glance at his mostly full mug. “No.”

“You seem pretty calm for a guy who just learned we were lied to—again.”

“You know,” Steve said. “It’s Fury. It doesn’t surprise me anymore. Manipulative. Controlling. Shady. Everything is a means to an end. Even the people he’s supposed to care about. And I didn’t know him that well…I’d just met him a couple of days beforehand.”

Leaning against the counter, Tony nodded. “I did.”

Steve remembered. Tony had taken Phil’s loss  _ hard _ . “I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” Tony said with a deep sigh. “Did anything good  _ ever _ come out of SHIELD?”

“Clint,” Steve said easily. “Nat.”

“So two things.” Tony lifted his mug. “That’s something.”

“Boss,” Friday said. “Nat and Mr. Barton have arrived at what appears to be a safe house in Rockaway. Sergeant Barnes has eyes on them. No one followed, though the press did note her exit from the garage, they were unable to maintain their pursuit. I took care to decoy them as well.”

“Good job, Baby Girl,” Tony said, then let out an almost mirthless chuckle. “Another safe house. How many does she have?”

“I’ve learned not to ask that question,” Steve advised him. “She’s been making lists for us, giving us access to a lot of stuff, but I’m going to wager she has more than she remembers at times and some aren’t high on the list—then there are the places she and Clint created to dig in when they needed it.”

“Point.” A beat, then… “Steve?”

“Hmm?”

“You don’t mind if I renovate so I can have Red a little closer? Even on the nights she isn’t with me?”

“No,” Steve said slowly. “Long as we accept there are going to be days we irk each other. That we’re not always going to agree. That sometimes…”

“Sometimes we’re just going to argue,” Tony finished for him. “But I don’t want Red in the middle.”

“Agreed.”

“Thanks.”

After a swallow of coffee, Steve blew out a breath. “It’s not always going to be easy.”

“It’s not easy now.”

It wasn’t, not really. Except… “It’s easier than it’s been in any of the time since we met.”

“That’s cause we’re both trying,” Tony admitted. “I don’t want to annoy you, but…”

“I don’t want to take everything you say personally,” Steve agreed with him. “But…”

“Our focus has been on Red. As we all settle, that could shift.”

He wasn’t wrong. “I’ll ask you for one promise then.”

Tony studied him. “Name it.”

“Even if you think I’ll disapprove—tell me what’s going on. Tell me if there’s something you need to do.”

The other man frowned. “Like Ultron.”

“Or running a search program on SHIELD or setting up a reception to introduce her as your wife.”

“To be fair, I did discuss that last one with you.”

“You did.” He nodded. “And we worked out a lot of the issues with regard to it—together. You talked to us about making renovations. Moving us up closer—working it out so we’re living together with her.”

“That’s not been so bad.”

“No,” Steve said. “It hasn’t been.”

“I can do that—can I get a promise from you in return?”

The corner of Steve’s mouth kicked a little higher. “Name it.”

“You  _ listen _ to the whole idea before you get all judgy.”

Steve barked out a laugh. “I can do that.”

“If we disagree?”

They were both quiet.

“We work it out,” Steve told him. “If we argue, we figure it out. If we fight, we make up. If we come to blows again…”

“Red will kill us both.”

Steve spread one hand out and couldn’t really argue that statement. “So—we work it out.”

“Agreed.” Tony nodded crisply.

“And if anyone else tries to get in the middle of it…”

“We deal with them,” the other man picked up exactly where he was going with this. “Together.”

“Exactly.”

Quiet fell between them as they waited. For an update. For Nat. For the other shoe to drop.

Because if Steve had learned anything, there was always another shoe.

Despite his seeming calm, Tony’s agitation showed in the way he paced. He had a whole list of questions for Coulson, SHIELD, and everyone else involved.

He wasn’t alone.

~~~

_ Trouble in Paradise? Widow on a getaway without Iron Man? Or is she just off on a mission? Eagle eye watchers caught the Widow making her escape from Avengers Tower on a motorcycle with a lone passenger. Measurements indicate her companion wasn’t new husband Tony Stark. So—the question is, while Iron Man is home, where is his Widow? _

~~~

**Bucky**

“I’ve spent the last five years hating myself a little for getting you killed. But you weren’t dead. No, your explanations don’t work for me. So—thanks for nothing. There’s the door.” With a look to Natalia, Clint added, “I’m going to shower. Throw some coffee on?”

“Sure,” she murmured and Clint left the room. Coulson called his name but he ignored him. Though the other man edged forward in his seat, he didn’t rise before he snapped his gaze to Natalia.

Of all the things Bucky had pictured from their various descriptions of the man, this wasn’t it. He seemed—buttoned-down and far too tightly wound despite his seemingly genial demeanor.

The surface lie hid the man beneath. The only question Bucky had about that person involved threat assessment. This was the same man Natalia trusted when she voluntarily let SHIELD experiment on her. A man Clint and she both held in high regard.

One who had played dead for years.

Not an endorsement in his book.

Natalia squeezed Bucky’s leg as she stood.

“Nat,” Coulson said, a sigh in his voice.

“I told you,” she replied, her voice cool. “We’re not friends anymore,  _ Director _ .”

With a grimace, he ran a hand over his face. “I’m not calling you Widow while you drift around in sweats even if you’re curled up with Bucky Barnes—it is an honor to meet you, by the way, Sergeant—when you’re apparently married to Stark. So, it’s Nat or Mrs. Stark. You pick.”

“How about nothing at all?” She almost smiled but there was nothing friendly in that smile. It didn’t even reach her eyes. With that, she headed toward the kitchen and Bucky didn’t take his gaze off the director. He’d eaten a couple of pieces of pizza after Natalia took a bite for him. It was more a game now than anything.

When she was reticent, he would take a bite for her. Almost every other time she did it for him. A reminder of who they trusted and why.

Coulson exhaled his gaze fixing on Bucky.

“You’re not going to be any help where they’re concerned, are you?” Not a simple question.

“No.” Very simple answer.

He shook his head, “I didn’t think so.” Then. “You were the one who shot Nat in Ukraine?”

“Yes.”

“I wish we’d known,” the man stated.

“Just knowing something doesn’t seem to make you active, Director.”

The other man flinched under his scrutiny. “I suppose I deserve that.”

The scent of coffee drifted from the kitchen on the heels of Natalia’s soft steps as she returned. Coulson gazing past him confirmed it.

“Look,” he said without leaning into her name. “I’m here. I’m here for as long as it takes for the two of you to be willing to at least talk to me. I gather you aren’t interested in the whys.”

Leaning against the back of the sofa with her arms folded, Natalia shrugged. “We know why. It doesn’t change anything.”

“You’ve had orders to follow. Missions you deemed more important. Taking down SHIELD for example.”

“Agreed.”

“Then you understand.”

“Of course,” Natalia said almost too easily. On some level, Bucky felt sorry for the other guy. He didn’t see the trap. Not yet.

He would.

Coulson frowned but his lack of immediate response suggested Natalia’s respect for his intelligence wasn’t misplaced.

“How do you propose I fix this, Widow?” The choice would not have been one Bucky made, but the gamble in his play was definitely a bold one.

“I don’t.” She didn’t let him off the hook. “I’m rather tired of the lack of trust from those who were reportedly my greatest allies and supporters. Maybe I allowed myself to trust the lie. I don’t anymore.”

Another verbal strike.

“It was never about trust.” Whatever else he might have added went unsaid as Clint returned, hair damp from the shower and dressed in the same clothes he’d left in. When his sharp gaze landed on Coulson, the other man said, “I’m not going anywhere until we talk Barton.”

“We have talked.”

“No, I talked. You’re still not willing to listen. So now I’ll sit here—you talk. Let me have it. Get whatever it is off your chest…” Since he couldn’t persuade Natalia, he invited Clint to attack him and get it over with?

No, this man didn’t get to dictate terms to them.

“It’s up to you,” Bucky offered. “If you want him gone. He’s gone.”

Her best friend didn’t look to him yet, he looked at Natalia. Bucky appreciated the trust there even if he’d once resented Barton taking his place in her life. There was room for both of them. Their friendship wasn’t what he shared with Natalia. As different and unique as they were.

Flicks of her fingers answered flicks of Clint’s. Bucky understood some of it, but they had an almost non-verbal shorthand in their use of sign language.

With his attention on Coulson, it wasn’t hard to notice his attention focusing on the byplay between the pair with a glimmer of what looked like regret and envy before it smoothed away.

Clint finally looked at the director who shook his head. “You two still do that thing…”

“It’s called trust.”

“I’m aware.”

“Fine, you really want to hear what I have to say?”

“Yes.”

Dropping into the chair, Clint bared his teeth in a flash of a smile. “You won’t enjoy it.”

“I’ve survived worse.”

Somehow, Bucky doubted this. Clint was not a man who got truly angry as Natalia rarely gave in to her temper. When she did, it was a vicious thing to behold.

“Have it your way,” Clint told him as he leaned forward. “You hung me out to dry. Loki messed with my mind. I recruited mercs and then deployed them against SHIELD forces on the helicarrier. I used everything I knew to get aboard, disable the helicarrier and free Loki right on schedule. Mind-controlled or not, it was still me.”

Bucky felt that all the way to his bones. When Natalia slid a hand over his shoulder, Bucky tugged her around to sit with him again. He didn’t give a good goddamn what the director had to say about her marital status or their relationship. None of it was any of his damn business.

“My guilt. A lot of good people died that day. Including you.” Clint’s lips quirked in a faint mockery of a smile. “But unlike those folks, you got better. So, maybe your death is still on me. Great. I’ve carried that for the last five years. I’ll keep going. Sure, maybe initially Fury buried your resurrection. Might get too many questions about the hows particularly for the people who were there. The people who genuinely grieved for you.”

His eyes flickered, briefly to Natalia, then back. The director didn’t miss the motion and his frown deepened.

“I can’t blame you for the first few weeks. Maybe not even the first few months. What I can blame you for was when the press put a target on Nat and so did the government. When they went after her for all of SHIELD’s crimes. What I can blame you for is not stepping forward then or even bothering to send us a word that you were out there. But maybe you were busy in the aftermath. Okay. Sure. So were we—we still managed to keep in touch.”

A muscle ticked in Coulson’s jaw. His calm façade was beginning to show stress around the edges.

“Then Ultron, but wait—you sent us a helicarrier. Wasn’t that special? You could do that, but you couldn’t send one line? One sentence? Pick up the phone and make one call?” His eyes narrowed. “I could see you were probably still cleaning up Hydra. I mean we were. Maybe you just didn’t trust us…maybe you thought we were Hydra, too.”

That earned a flinch.

“So okay, fine. Then Germany and Nat’s on the run and I’m cooling heels on the Raft. What crisis were you fighting with then? How did us not knowing then help anything? What security threat were we? Or were you just so used to keeping us in the dark, we’d still be there if Maria hadn’t brought us in?”

The patience in Clint’s voice circled as he snapped his fingers.

“Wait, you wanted to bring Nat in and then she’d get to be let in on the big boy secret only after she was back under your thumb. You and Maria and Fury are all acting like this would have been a good thing, except the last time she was under SHIELD’s thumb…yours, theirs…” His expression tightened. “Mine. Pierce took advantage of what you all did with your little memory control device—by the way, Phil, brava on using her for an experiment. I can’t tell you how much respect I lost for all of you right there. He used her for his missions off the books, for Hydra, for power, and he was screwing with her right under your careful watch.”

That earned a real flinch and Coulson’s hands tightened, but he said nothing.

“Yeah, that I can blame you for. I get it. You didn’t trust us, but you sure didn’t mind using us. Using her. Letting other people use her. You sure you are in the business of intelligence? Because I agree with Tony on this one, an intelligence organization that fears intelligence, isn’t really one at all.”

The silence that fell then pulsed with all the things they hadn’t said.

“Are you done then?” Coulson asked finally.

“Pretty much,” Clint said. “You’re not a friend. You’re someone I used to work with and trust. Maybe you didn’t want to be dead and maybe you didn’t choose to play dead in the beginning. The choice has been yours since then. You made your choice. We’re making ours.”

“So you speak for Nat, now?”

Natalia spared him a look. “Clint’s never let me down, Director. He’s never abandoned me. He’s come for me time and again. He broke the rules, disobeyed orders, and trusted me when no one else would. Yes. He can speak for me.”

Every word she spoke sliced open the wounds Clint’s words had inflicted. The other man dropped his chin. The road to Hell was paved with good intentions. Maybe Coulson was all the things they thought he was. Maybe he was human and fallible.

But he’d hurt them both.

Deeply.

With that in mind, Bucky readied to kick his ass out into the cold.

“Fair warning,” Friday stated. “Friendlies incoming.” Only a faint shift from Clint and a flick of her eyes from Natalia betrayed they’d heard Friday.

“Are we all done now?” Coulson clarified.

The front door slammed open letting in a blast of cold air, Steve, and Tony in the full Iron Man suit. It clanked as he entered and then began to peel back.

“No,” Tony stated coldly. “It’s  _ my _ turn.”

~~~

_ Party of the Decade? The century? Maybe just this month, but with the world’s best-known bachelor now off the market, the first official function where anyone who is anyone must be is the reception to introduce Anthony and Natasha Stark. The exclusive, by invitation only, party will be held at Avengers Tower so you know security will be top notch and the chance for star and hero sightings will be high. But will anyone outside the party get a look at the happy couple? Barricades are already going into place to cordon areas around Avengers Tower as we speak for those wanting to camp out to get the best views. _

~~~

__

**Tony**

All the way out to Rockaway, he’d told himself he wasn’t going to burst in there. Clint and Natasha had gone there for privacy. Bucky had gone to watch their backs. But the minute Bucky let them know Agent had shown up, it was like someone activated a particle accelerator and he was just itching to reach the collision speed.

Comms were open, Natasha had never turned hers off. Steve and he hadn’t been eavesdropping, if anything they’d muted it to let Friday monitor. All bets were off with Coulson in the house.

They’d heard every word.

If the vein in Steve’s forehead was any indication, his level of irritation had already surpassed his last fight with Tony.

Good times.

When Clint lobbed the shots about Natasha into his cold, almost deadly calm, recitation of his issues with Agent, Steve had gripped his arm to stop Tony from heading up the steps. They’d left the quinjet parked quietly and in stealth mode a block away closer to the beach.

Then Natasha spoke and Tony didn’t think he’d ever heard her voice so devoid of emotion. Considering the hell she’d endured the last few months, the lack of it was far more telling than if she’d yelled.

“We’re going in there,” he told Steve. Even if to do nothing more than be there in solidarity with her. She was right. Clint had never let her down. Tony didn’t plan on ever letting her down again.

“Agreed,” Steve said.

“Give them the heads up, Baby Girl,” Tony started forward.

“Are we all done now?”

Tony hit the door a scant second before Steve did. Thankfully, it wasn’t locked or he’d have had to buy Natasha a new door.

“No,” he stated as he strode inside and the armor began to retract. “It’s my turn.”

It was one thing to know Coulson was alive and to hear his voice over the comms, it was entirely something different to see him live, in person, wearing a suit and looking like he did the last time Tony had seen him.

“Stark,” Coulson said as if greeting him as he stood. “Captain.”

“Agent.” The ice in his response was chillier than the temperature outside. Steve closed the door then leaned against it, arms folded.

Phil sighed.

“It’s Director,” Clint offered. “He might be objecting to the demotion.”

Steve snorted, but said nothing.

Tony scanned Natasha, she leaned against Bucky, one leg crossed over the other for all the world as relaxed as could be but there was a chill in her eyes that he hadn’t seen in weeks.

A chill he’d have preferred to never see again.

Focusing on Coulson, Tony frowned. “You look suspiciously non-zombielike.”

“That would be because I’m not a zombie, Stark. Congratulations on your handling of the Accords. You appear to have weathered that storm well.”

“Uh huh. You should probably sit down, because you’re not going anywhere.”

“While I appreciate your interest in this discussion,” Coulson told him. “I came here to specifically talk to Clint and Nat.”

“Now you’ve done that, so you get to talk to me. If you try to escape or play any sort of games with me, I’ll—how did you put it?—taze you and watch “Supernanny” while you drool into the carpet.”

A faint smile appeared on his face and Coulson took a seat. “Well, if you feel that strongly about it. By all means…”

Yeah, he didn’t want the guy to humor him. It felt like he was humoring him. “You know what, I’m going to settle on one question. What do you want?”

“Excuse me?”

“What do you want?” Tony repeated the question, enunciating every syllable. “You played dead for five years. Maria kicks your ass out of the closet, Red and Clint have zero interest in talking to you, but here you are. Chasing them. You know, sometimes, you gotta accept that people just aren’t into you.”

That got him another lip twitch. Well, good to know Tony could entertain him.

“So what do you want? Because I’ll tell you right now. You’re not getting them back and they aren’t working for you.”

At Clint’s raised brows, Tony shrugged.

“Hey, you wanna work for him, go for it. Just saying I don’t think you do.”

“Pretty safe bet,” Clint told him then shoved out of his chair. “I’m getting coffee. You want any Nat?”

She shook her head. Like Bucky, she watched Coulson’s every move.

“I don’t want anything,” Agent said, spreading his hands. “Other than to make some amends, to discuss this like adults—sorry, Stark, I know adult conversation bores you.”

Tony rolled his eyes as Coulson focused on Natasha.

“I wanted to tell you I was sorry you were left out of the need-to-know. I don’t know why the first time, but I do know it was my choice after that. Part of it, was I had no idea how to tell any of you. The director…” he caught himself. “Fury used my death as a motivator.” He flicked his look from Natasha to Tony then to Steve. “Ruined my cards, too. Took me a long time to put that collection together.” He sighed. “There was a thought that if what brought you all together was my death, that my life would…would somehow diminish that.”

Steve snorted, the derisive sound carried.

Not disagreeing, Tony just folded his arms.

For his part, Bucky’s expression never changed.

Clint emerged from the kitchen with two mugs of coffee and handed one to Tony. “Started a second pour for you guys,” he told Steve before he faced Coulson. No way he hadn’t heard that last bit. “So, you’re here to apologize because you thought we were all so fragile, we’d fall apart at the news you were alive? It would utterly negate how well we worked together to deal with Loki and the Chitauri invasion? Oops… our bad?”

The dry sarcasm actually did pull a smile from Coulson. “Well, no. However, apply the pressure at just the right point and you splintered right down the middle and tore up an airport airing your issues with each other.”

“That’s yesterday’s news,” Tony stated. “While we didn’t ask, your lack of timeliness is definitely not appreciated.”

“And you married him?” Coulson slanted a look at Natasha. “Really?”

“I don’t think that’s appropriate,” Steve informed him as Tony debated whether he should be insulted or not. Natasha’s absolute lack of reaction wasn’t promising. “Issuing judgments about anything. It’s been five years, Director. A lot has changed.”

The once and future Agent searched their faces one at a time finally returning to Natasha and then Clint. “I’m sorry.”

Two words.

That was it.

“Good to know,” Natasha said. “The door is that way.”

Bucky rose at those last four words. “I’ll show you out.”

“I’ll help.”

Tony scowled, but there was something kind of funny about the frustration in Coulson’s eyes as Bucky and Steve moved him to the door and Natasha and Clint didn’t move to assist him or stop the action.

Kind of funny. But not really.

The door opened letting the cold in and Coulson said, “Before I go…understand, I do want to talk and to open those channels of communication. I think you’d like what we’ve done, Widow as would you, Hawkeye. We made a lot of changes, good ones and we have good people.”

“Totally explains why we weren’t included,” Clint deadpanned as he faced the director. Natasha never looked at him.

“Clint, pity parties never were a good look on you. When you’re ready to discuss this like a rational adult, call me. I’ll take it. Maybe Nat can talk some sense into you. As I recall, you two were the only ones who could get through to the other.”

“And you’re done,” Bucky informed him as he almost lifted the guy up and carried him out the door with Steve in attendance and the door closed behind them.

“Son of a bitch,” Clint swore and Natasha sighed. Tony glanced between them and finally dropped to sit in the spot Bucky vacated and put his coffee to the side. All the anger simmering in him just drained away.

“What can I do?” he asked.

“We’re going to have to sell this place,” Natasha said with a sigh.

“Yeah,” Clint agreed with a shrug. “I wasn’t feeling the vibe anyway. Told you we needed to hire a maid.” Tony snorted and Natasha leaned back and closed her eyes.

“Nat?” Clint asked.

“He wasn’t lying,” she said quietly and Tony sagged even as Clint scowled in the direction of the door. “He really is sorry that we’re hurt by this, but he’s equally surprised that we’re taking it so personally.”

“Too fucking bad,” Tony said with some heat. “You don’t screw around with people like that. It’s just tacky on top of being wrong.”

“Five years ago, I wouldn’t have cared, Tony.”

“Yes you would, Red,” he disagreed with her in the same breath as Clint said, “Yeah you would, Nat. Just like you didn’t like what Fury was doing or disliked what they wanted you to do with Steve or Tony. You just wouldn’t have said anything.”

Which, in Tony’s opinion, was much worse than this. “So, for my two hundred and fifty, I’d say you’re entitled to feel however you do.”

The door opened and closed, letting Steve back in. “Bucky’s making sure he’s picked up and they leave without dropping anyone else on us.”

Good plan.

There was also a pair of drones waiting to track him and his ride, too. They’d attach to whatever vehicle picked him up.

Just because they let him go didn’t mean Tony anywhere near trusted him.

“Tony’s right, Angel, I don’t think you would have blown it off either. You just would have buried it.” Steve settled on the other side of her and she sighed.

“Should we apologize for crashing?” Tony asked. “I feel like maybe I should apologize for totally tracking you guys out here and at the same time…”

“No, it’s good, man,” Clint told him.

Natasha gave him a small smile. “It’s fine. It was definitely worth it to see the look on his face.”

“Yeah, it’s killing him that Bucky wouldn’t talk to him really. Did he give you any fanboy grief, Steve?” Clint was making an attempt at humor. Tony could appreciate that.

“I don’t really care,” Steve said. “I just told him he needed to leave you two alone until you wanted to talk.” He covered Natasha’s hand and she gripped his hand lightly.

Tony would have shifted to give them some room, but she settled her hand on his leg and he had zero desire to make her move it.

“There’s still pizza,” Clint offered.

“There’s food back at the Tower, too,” Tony reminded him.

Natasha smiled. It was small, but it was a smile.

The door opened and let Bucky inside again. “His ride wasn’t even a block and a half away.”

“Yeah, May listens about as well as Nat does when she makes up her mind.” That got a flicker of a response. Natasha’s expression tightened.

“By the way, it occurs to me that everyone being shocked you married me is kind of insulting. I’m obviously fantastic, so why are they insulting your judgment?” It was the absolute right tack because even Steve smiled at that and Natasha laughed softly. Bucky just shook his head.

“You two need more time?” he asked. “Or do we all head back?”

Clint sighed and eyed the whisky. “Nat wasn’t really drinking with me anyway.”

She flipped him off.

“And we can totally get drunk there.”

“Except…”

“Hush, Red, if you two want to get smashed, go for it. I have no problem holding your hair if you end up worshipping at the porcelain altar.” Not that he’d ever seen her get that trashed.

Ever.

He pointed a finger at Clint. “I’ll even do my husbandly duty and help your best friend.”

“I’m flattered,” Clint deadpanned.

“You should be, I don’t offer it for everyone.”

Another huff of laughter circled through them.

Natasha leaned her head back and smiled at Bucky. “So were you already in the garage when we left or just out on the street waiting to see what direction we went?”

He tsked. “Bad situational awareness, Natalia. I know I trained you better than that.”

The dry look she shot him had Tony snickering.

“I’ll lose you next time,” she warned.

“You can try,” Bucky offered, almost gallantly, but the unspoken ‘you won’t succeed’ just dangled out there.

“Pack up the booze and the pizza,” Clint said. “Let’s go home. With them knowing this location, I don’t want Nat in the open.”

“Oh please.” Natasha made a face. “I’m not in the open.” She swung her finger in a circle. “I have my very own army right here, not to mention a high tech AI and advanced tech on my wrists. This is  _ not _ the open.”

“Fine, I don’t want my  _ delicate _ ass in the open.” He stuck his tongue out at her and she grinned.

Tony glanced past her to meet Steve’s gaze and saw the exact same worry there.

Fuck, why couldn’t people just come back from the dead without mind control, erasure, or huge, emotional nukes hanging over their returns?

It would make their lives easier.

What a fucked up thought that was.

~~~

**Phil**

The wait for May wasn’t long. Bucky and Steve barely spoke to him, which was another disappointment to add to an evening full of them. Not that he’d expected it to go much better after their initial reaction. Nat… confused him. The changes in her personality and reactions were stark—no pun intended—to the woman he’d known for years.

When the SUV rolled up, he glanced at Steve and gave him a nod. “Hopefully next time we can talk.”

“If there’s a next time,” Steve said, neither agreeing or disagreeing.

Again. A definite disappointment.

With a sigh, he settled into the passenger seat. “You hung too close. I told you to pull back.”

“You didn’t take that long so it’s a good thing I didn’t go that far.”

She spared a look at Steve and Bucky before she pulled away.

“How did they take it?”

“About as well as they did at the base, if not worse.”

She frowned. Well, it was more a faint wrinkling of her brow. “Did you expect it to go better?”

“No,” he admitted. “I did hope to spend time with just the two of them and I didn’t plan on Sergeant Barnes being right there.” His attachment to Natasha was in full evidence as was Steve’s.

“Well, we knew he was with the team now and they appear to have fully recovered from the division the Accords spliced through them.”

That, they definitely had. Still, he couldn’t shake what Clint had said about Pierce using her. Fury had suspected that—after Hydra, after SHIELD collapsed, that Natasha had been co-opted. While he’d never used the words turned, Phil had also understood the concern. There had been a time of real instability for her when she was still adjusting to SHIELD.

How much of that was Pierce and her shrink—another person he had his team looking for—and how much of it had just been Nat needing to adapt?

“Is she really married?” May asked in a rare moment of levity, disbelief in her smile.

“She has a ring on her finger.” He’d seen those from the moment he walked in. Two rings on her left, one on her right.

Natasha who never wore jewelry unless she was on a mission except for a gold arrow necklace Clint had given her.

“Stark,” May said with a slow shake of her head.

“Yeah,” Phil agreed, studying the darkness as May headed them toward the airfield. “I have no idea how that happened.”

“Well,” May mused. “You always did say Stark had unexpected and unexplored depths.”

He slanted a look at May. “We’re still talking about Natasha.”

“Oh, I know. Still, the man’s gone up in my estimation. I don’t think you gave him enough credit.”

Phil snorted, then checked his watch. “We need to do a full scan of everything before we head out.”

“Think they tagged us?”

Oh, he knew they had.

That part of their nature hadn’t changed.

For any of them.


	40. How You Remind Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the guys get called to a mission, Nat makes a dark discovery

**Chapter Forty**

_ How You Remind Me _

**Natalia/Natasha**

As if dealing with missing ships in Asia, activity at a former Red Room holding in Russia on the heels of finally reclaiming all of her memories including that of Mary, losing Mary, finding Peter, and finding herself married to Tony while they still juggled the Accords and finding a new delicate balance in their convoluted and somewhat complicated relationship dynamics weren’t enough, Phil Coulson was alive. Alive. It wasn’t the weirdest thing she’d ever encountered, yet she ached for Clint and she honestly didn’t know how she felt about it on any level. 

They’d barely even loaded the bikes aboard the quinjet when the callout came. Sharon came on the horn. “Two of the vessels have reappeared off the coast of Colombia near the Ecuadorian border. Needless to say, Colombia doesn’t want the ships anywhere near their docks. We’ve got one under Chinese flag that their government wants left alone until their own people can get there and a second under an Australian flag that we have their pleading demand we intercept.”

The aggravation in Sharon’s voice communicated the cluster-fuck-in-waiting.

“We’re five on board already,” Tony said. “We’re still four hours from a drop there. That’s pushing it. We might be able to cut it down to three. Maybe faster if Strange is available.”

His gaze tracked right to her as did Steve’s. It was still too soon. At least that was exactly what their expressions said. James’ reaction was far more guarded, but the assessment in his eyes suggested he didn’t disagree.

Natalia considered Clint for a moment. He’d just had a hell of a shock…

“Drop me at the Tower,” Natalia said. “Friday, reach out to the Chinese ambassador and see if he will take my call?”

The relief on Steve’s face at her request and Tony’s harsh release of breath didn’t insult her in the slightest. Still, she studied Clint.

“I’m sober,” he said. “And my head is on straight. You want me there so your boyfriends come home.”

A faint smile touched the corners of James’ mouth and he gave her the barest of nods. He’d keep an eye on Clint.

“If this is anything like our last jaunt, we’re going to find not crap,” Tony assured her. “We’ll just get the ships sorted out and on their way back where they belong.”

“Hmm,” Natalia kept it noncommittal. The short hop back to the Tower took almost no time.

“Nat,” Friday informed her. “The Chinese ambassador is ready for your call. I told him you will contact him in the next fifteen minutes.”

“Thank you, Friday.”

“Get us access, Red?” Tony asked and she nodded.

“I’ll take care of it.” She eyed him. “Be careful.”

“Yeah, I’m not telling you it’s me, cause you’ll just say ‘exactly.’”

She chuckled as he brushed a kiss to her lips. James caught her as she passed him and gave her one hard kiss before murmuring, “I’ll look after them. Stay out of trouble while we’re gone.”

With a snort, Natalia pinched him and said, “You do the same, Soldat.”

He winked. Steve followed her toward the ramp though. “I’ll be back in a sec. Get everyone else synced up.”

“Aye-aye Captain!” Tony called. “We’ll make sure them mateys stow their lines.”

“Kill me, we are not doing pirate speak all the way to Colombia,” Clint drawled. “I will drug you.”

“Ha. Challenge accepted.” The smirk in Tony’s voice was adorable.

Steve chuckled as they descended the ramp together and he walked her clear over to the doors where Cloaky waited just inside like some stern parent. Huh.

“Angel,” Steve said as the door slid open and he followed her inside. The warmth closed around them and then he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back against his chest. “I’m sorry about Coulson.”

“Me too,” she whispered and covered his hands where they rested against her and closed her eyes.

“I wish like hell I didn’t have to go,” he said, burying his face against her throat. “And I’m damn glad you’re not going. Does that make me a hypocrite?”

“No,” Natalia assured him and twisted to look up at him. “You’re all still worried about me in the field, that would make me a liability if I were there.”

He grimaced. “Angel…”

“No,” she said, sliding her hands up to cup his face. “I know and I’m not upset. Besides, who better to charm the Chinese and see if I can do a little more digging while you’re all en route?”

Warmth flickered in his eyes as he nudged her chin up and gave her a proper kiss, slow and easy. “I love you,” he murmured. “We’re upping your training. I want you back out there with me.”

“Ditto, soltnce moya. Go, be safe, win the fight and come back in one piece. All of you.”

Another soft kiss and then he pressed his forehead against hers. “Be on comms, Angel?”

She chuckled. “Worried I’ll slip out as soon as your back is turned?”

“Nope,” he said. “Believe it or not, I know you’ll do what you have to do and then you’ll get back to me. I just like having you watch our backs and you do see things we don’t.”

“I was teasing.”

He winked. Another kiss.

“And you need to go or Tony is going to complain all the way there.”

He laughed. “He’s going to complain anyway.”

“True.”

One last kiss and he backed toward the door. “You and me. Date in my studio. A few hours of your time, Angel. Deal?”

“Done.” She blew a kiss to him and then he was outside with the doors closing behind him.

As soon as he was aboard the quinjet it started lifting off before the ramp even closed.

“Equal time Red, Bucky and I are tracking it. Steve got five whole extra minutes.” The last bit ended on a yelp. “Easy Cap, it’s a joke.”

“Not really,” James said. “Five minutes with Natalia is worth it.”

“Kill me,” Clint muttered. “Do I need to make you guys a chore chart?”

She laughed softly. “Play nice boys… Friday, I’m ready for the ambassador.” Cloaky floated right up to her as she stripped off her jacket and draped her shoulders with a snap of the collar. She swore it flicked her and she eyed it. “I’ll talk to you after I’m done.”

Liho wandered out of Tony’s bedroom like a queen and sauntered down the stairs. She gave a testy little meow as though demanding her meal.

“The feline has been fed,” Friday informed her.

Natalia chuckled as Liho trailed her toward the kitchen. “It’s so sad for you that Friday will not let you try to pull those tricks.”

Utterly unperturbed, Liho trailed along with her.

“The ambassador is on the line, Nat.”

It took her twenty minutes and every ounce of persuasion she possessed to bring the ambassador around on letting the Avengers check out the vessels before exposing them to civilians. It helped that the ambassador wanted to impress Tony and conversely that they were still trying to save face from the behavior of their earlier delegates.

Still, Natalia catered to the man’s honor and his ego. Ten minutes after his capitulation, she also secured his agreement to take Steve and Tony’s advice on what to do with the vessel after they’d investigated into consideration.

It didn’t guarantee a solution, but it could hopefully help avert political fallout of the Avengers stepping on their sovereign authority. One less landmine to deal with… of course…

“Friday, let Tony know we need to add the ambassador and his wife to the reception guest list if they weren’t already on it.”

“Really, Red?” Tony drawled. “I’m gone five minutes and you’re already wrangling political capital out of one of my parties?”

She snorted. “Can it, Shellhead. It got you guys the access you want and you don’t even have to dance with him.”

“But you do?” Steve asked, irritation drenching the amusement in the question.

“To be fair, my idea. Not his. So, you don’t have to defend my honor, solntce moya.”

“Not a doubt in my mind, Angel. Thanks for getting them to agree. Even if I don’t like the idea of you having to trade anything for it…”

“Steve? He’s seventy-eight years old.”

The snort made her grin.

“Happily married for forty-eight years.”

A grunt.

“And he’s never strayed on his wife.”

A little hum.

“All right,” Steve said. “Better.”

Natalia laughed. “Focus on the mission, Captain. Less about my dance card. I’ll be sure I save you plenty of spots.”

“First one is mine though,” Tony stated crisply. “I gotta get some perks out of this deal.”

There was a thump over the comms followed by laughter. “I’m going to dump all of you in the ocean,” Clint said idly. “Switching back to the main channel, Nat, you staying on this one?”

“I’ll be here if you need me.”

There was no sense in sharing their more private conversations with the rest of the team. Natalia took a sip of coffee as the channel went quiet and moved back out to the living room.

With all of that dealt with, she could focus on the latest bomb. Phil was alive.

Of all the things Maria could have been waiting to show them, that hadn’t even been on Natalia’s radar. She’d mourned Phil’s loss. Mourned him and been oddly grateful in a way that he’d never lived to see the dark corruption at the heart of the organization he’d loved so much.

Not only had he lived, but he’d had to face that harsh reality the same way she and Clint had.

Her phone buzzed and Natalia pulled it out of her pocket. Isaiah’s name stared up at her from the screen and she answered. “Good evening, Isaiah, no, I’m not sending you an invitation to the reception. It would bore you to tears.”

“Thank God,” he muttered. “I didn’t want to go anyway. Just send me some of the hors d’oeuvres or cake if there is any.”

“Done.”

“That’s not why I’m calling anyway.” There was no play in his voice. “Turn on the news, Natasha.”

“Friday…”

A screen came on and Natalia stared at the story scrolling across the bottom. It was a breaking news story about a house of horrors. Natalia put down the coffee cup.

“How long?”

“Less than an hour. They’re all still on scene.”

She hung up and shoved the phone in her pocket. Then snagged her coat as she headed for the elevator. “Cloaky, you can come but you’re gonna have to be low-profile.”

The cloak flared around her as she moved.

“Nat?”

“Garage, Friday. Don’t worry. I’ll take one of the SUVs.” Her bike was still on board the quinjet.

“Is there something I should know?”

“Not yet,” Natalia told her. “I’ll have the bracelets and comms on. The guys are still a ways out. Keep me in the loop.”

“Will do.”

In the garage, the key box opened and she grabbed the first set of keys and headed for the SUV.

“Should I inform Boss? Captain Rogers?”

Natalia hesitated. “Not yet. I’ll let you know.”

“What about Sergeant Barnes? Mr. Barton?”

“No, Friday.”

The AI said nothing else but her disapproval fairly hummed. Agreeing to keep everyone in the loop didn’t mean she had to ask permission.

“Friday, they need to focus on their mission.”

It took her thirty minutes to get to Vinegar Hills. The area was ripe with revitalization properties turning old warehouses into posh loft apartments while standing side-by-side with housing projects that were in shambles. It was like the best and worst of a Brooklyn neighborhood.

She didn’t slow until she reached the flashing blue and red lights near one of those warehouses that seemed trapped on the cusp of not quite decrepit and abandoned yet also not revitalized and upscaled.

A uniformed officer in a heavy jacket waved her off even as she pulled over and parked.

“Stay in the car,” Natalia told Cloaky. “I cracked the window in the back so you can get out.”

The cloak slid off of her

“Ma’am,” he called as she stepped out of the SUV and pulled on the leather jacket. She was still armed. The Glock in a shoulder holster and clearly visible. “This is a—holy shit. You’re an Avenger.”

Natalia gave him a smile. “Good evening. I saw on the news they found women being held here—and more?”

“Yes, ma’am.” The officer shifted his weight. “But it’s not our policy to comment on open investigations.”

Once upon a time, she would have just flashed her SHIELD badge to get past him. “Then don’t comment. I’ll take a look myself.”

She was already striding forward. The cop didn’t try to block her—smart kid—even as he hurried to walk abreast of her. “Ma’am… I can’t let you past the tape.”

Ducking smoothly under it, Natalia smiled at him. “You didn’t let me past. I’m more than capable of making my way in by myself.” She winked once, then pivoted on her heel and continued forward.

If he continued to be smart, he wouldn’t continue to pursue her. As it was, there were EMTs working with some women near the back of an ambulance. There were easily eight ambulances on site.

That was a horrific thought. Cops poured through the doors. Another pair of EMTs were wheeling out a gurney with another woman on it. Like those at the ambulance, she was brutally emaciated, eyes shadowed and bruised. They reminded Natalia of those in some of Siberia’s harshest gulags.

Or survivors from the camps. Shadows that walked—or in this case were carried.

Moving through the doorway those EMTs had exited, she headed deeper into the building.

“Excuse me,” an authoritative masculine voice called.

Glancing to the side, Natalia met the weary brown eyes of the detective on the scene. Recognition flashed across his expression and he abandoned the two officers he’d been talking to and crossed toward her. “You.”

“Hello Marcus,” Natalia greeted him. “Or should I say, Detective Webb?”

“I…” Words seemed to fail him and for a split-second, he was that young boy terrified and stuttering all over again. He sucked in a deep breath and then let it out. “It’s you. Fuck…sorry.” He shook his head. “Marcus is fine, Mrs. Stark…”

“Natasha,” she assured him. “I apologize for crashing your crime scene. But the news said you’d found bodies along with survivors in this raid.”

“This is—“ He cut another look around then nodded behind her. “Come with me.” Natalia followed him as he pressed deeper into the warehouse. “We got a tip,” he explained. “About suspicious activity. We’ve been trying to break a couple of human trafficking rings and this one seemed credible.” The hallway they traversed was musty with the smells of mold, dirt, and a few other scents probably better not identified. “I’ve done my share of gang raids and drug busts—I’ve never found anything like this before. We have a call in to the FBI and we’re probably going to have Feds on site soon, fair warning.”

“Duly noted.”

He paused at a sliding door and pulled a pair of gloves from his pocket. “You should put these on and if you have something to put over your mouth and nose, I’d use that, too.” He pulled out a handkerchief and offered it after she gloved up.

“I’m fine,” she assured him.

“Natasha…it's a charnel house in there.”

She nodded once. “I’ve probably seen worse.”

He grimaced. “I hadn’t.”

For that, she was grateful. “Good.” Then he shoved the door open and the smell of death rolled out like an old friend beckoning them to come deeper.

The dirty interior of the room with its dim lighting was more a living nightmare of dancing shadows, splashes of old blood, and the smell of decay.

Decomposition. There was nothing else like it.

“Early estimates,” Marcus told her as he led her around the room. “At least thirty bodies are here. Another dozen pulled from other rooms. The remains of what has to be at least twenty, if not more according to the last count, unearthed in the basement.”

Natalia pulled out her phone and activated the flashlight and the recorder. Marcus held up his own flashlight as he showed her.

“As far as I can tell, this place has been in operation for years. The word we had was it was a clearinghouse, a last stop for cargo going in and out—but this…” Even the distaste in his voice over the word ‘cargo’ couldn’t compete with the rawness in his voice when he said ‘this.’ “I can’t begin to fathom what they did here. Or even…. How.”

Scanning the walls first, then the floors, Natalia began picking a path across the debris, careful to avoid stepping on anything.

“Our crime scene guys are going to be here for months processing this,” Marcus admitted. Natalia half-listened as he ran down the stats in this room but she continued her sweep until she came to the first body. The cold should have killed the smells, nature had a way of dealing with the dead. But the room wasn’t frozen. In fact, the whole warehouse seemed warmer than outside.

The first woman had blackened skin from decomp and half her face was gone. The next wasn’t much better. They were all of a similar age though if she were to judge by the undergarments—at least they’d been left their bras and panties if nothing else. Marcus moved with her as she went from body to body. Twice Natalia glanced at him and found him looking at each body with a kind of sad respect before he’d force his gaze away.

“You’ll have nightmares about this for a while,” Natalia warned him. “When you’re done in here, make a point of visiting the survivors. Memorize their faces. When you think about this, remember the ones you saved. Honor the dead  _ and _ the living.”

Marcus gave a little start.

“I can handle it,” he said. “The tricks you taught me—they still work.”

“Then consider this is just an additional lesson.”

Marcus chuckled. “I’d argue that I should have outgrown the need to be taken to school, but you’re so damn nice about it.”

With a faint smile, she continued her inspection. Most of these women had been dead for months, a few weeks in either direction. But they’d been slaughtered here. The injuries on the bodies suggested fighting, but not all of them had defensive wounds at least from what she could tell.

Some of these women had just given up.

“You said there were more?”

“Yeah,” Marcus said, putting the handkerchief back to his face. “I’m not even going to ask how you can still breathe without something to cover your mouth.”

She shrugged. “You’d be surprised by how soon you go nose dead to it.” She wasn’t really, just—she hadn’t been lying. She had seen places like this before and even decomp could answer questions.

“I hope I never get there,” he told her earnestly.

“Me too,” she murmured as he led her from that room back to the dingy hallway and then to some rickety stairs and up. The power running the place kept it semi-heated, but the lighting was a joke. It had to be thirty or forty years old. One spark and this place would probably go up in flames.

“You mind if I ask you why you’re here?”

“Can’t a girl be curious?” The coy question worked on most people, particularly if she put any effort into the flirt. With Marcus, she didn’t bother. He would ask, but he wouldn’t push.

“If you were anyone else,” he said over his shoulder as he shoved the door open at the top of the stairs. “I’d say sure, twisted, but sure. You being you, though?”

“I’m looking for someone,” she told him. Sometimes the easiest answer was the truth.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I really hope you don’t find them here.”

Yeah. She got that.

The upstairs was only moderately better than downstairs in as much as these bodies were fresher. They’d also died cleaner. The ones killed below had suffered. Someone paying to kill maybe? Or punishment?

These bodies?

They’d just been executed. Some of the women didn’t have faces anymore. Natalia took her time going from girl to girl. Some of them were girls, not much older than their early twenties.

Right ages.

“The last set is in the basement and they were still digging some up,” Marcus admitted. “But those are bones.”

“Any children? Young teens?”

He grimaced. “I don’t know.” With a sigh, he studied her. “C’mon, I’ll take you down.”

They passed more personnel going down than they had up including investigators from the medical examiner’s office and more cops as well as emergency and rescue.

“Any more live ones up there, Webb?”

Marcus shook his head. “Do a full sweep, anyway. This place is huge, I don’t want one girl left behind.” Even if she was already dead hung unspoken off the end of it.

One of the other detectives eyed her. The moment recognition hit him, his eyes widened and his jaw dropped. “You’re…”

“Here to look at the scene like everyone else, Reynolds,” Marcus told him crisply. “Keep walking.”

Downstairs, in the basement, it was quiet as a tomb despite the number of people set up to clear dirt and debris from the skeletal remains. There were body bags staged everywhere with bones being reassembled as they were unearthed. It looked like each body got its own grave. So that would help, some.

Curious looks tracked her as she went from body to body. The smaller forms held her attention longer. She studied their ulna and radius bones.

At Jane Doe 22, she took a knee and held the light closer to it despite the larger lamps set up around the room. The size was right. The bone structure, too. But it was the obviously repaired fractures from a distal radius fracture that held her attention.

“Was there anything with this body?”

Marcus who’d followed her silently motioned to one of the techs and he came over with a small bag. “Just these two things—no clothes or anything but they could have disintegrated depending on what they wore.”

Could have, probably didn’t. Fabric lasted longer than flesh. When he offered her the evidence bag, she took it and studied the contents through the plastic.

A St. Catherine medallion sat in the bag and Natalia let out a slow sigh before she glanced down at the bones again. The second item was a frayed kind of rope bracelet. It had lost most of its color, but it was likely a braided friendship bracelet.

“Did you find her?” Marcus asked, his voice solemn.

“Maybe,” Natalia admitted. “You’ll need to compare dental records.”

“Give me a name,” he said and squatted next to her.

“Maria Ramirez. She went missing when she was thirteen—about nine years ago. Her family is Jamaica Hills. They used to live in Bensonhurst. Moved to Jamaica Hills four years back. Needed a clean start.”

“I know that case,” the technician said. “She went missing after school. She had singing lessons. Never showed up there. Teacher thought she was just out sick, parents thought she was there, hours go by before anyone notices.”

And Maria was just gone.

“You've been looking for her all this time?” Marcus asked quietly.

“When I can,” Natalia admitted. It was the number of bodies that had caught Isaiah’s attention. “You get any of the doers?”

“No,” Marcus said as he rose. “Two guys were here—looks like guards. They put up a fight. Made us shoot them getting in. They killed a couple of other girls before we were through the door. Thought I was hitting a heavy stash house—I never imagined all of this.”

“I hope you never have to again.” Reluctantly, she passed the evidence bag back to the technician. “When you have verification, let me know?”

“I can do that.”

Marcus walked her out, but Natalia still studied everything.

She’d come back when they were done. Take the place apart herself.

“Are you going to want to talk to the survivors?” The cold slap in the face outside was welcome after the stench inside. The smell of death still lingered though.

Natalia looked toward the ambulances. Some of them had pulled away taking their victims with them. Others were still present. The women wrapped in silver, thermal blankets, talking to EMTs and cops.

“Eventually,” Natalia said. When she had something to tell them.

Like their abusers were dead and they never had to worry about them again.

“Natasha,” Marcus said her name quietly and she glanced at him. “Whatever I find out, I’ll make sure you know. Don’t reciprocate. But if you can find us anything we can use to bring these guys down…”

The corner of her mouth lifted a little. “I’ll gladly pass it on.”

Another sigh escaped her.

“I’m sorry she was there.”

“Yeah,” Natalia said. “Me too.”

“Nat,” Friday said into her ear softly. “Boss and the others are approaching the ships.”

Had it been three hours already?

“They’ve tried to contact you a couple of times, but I told them you were in the middle of another conversation and I’d interrupt if it were important.”

“Thank you, Friday,” Natalia murmured.

“I’m sorry you found the girl in that condition. I took full scans while you were there and I’m running infrared and thermal through the satellite now. I also have two drones deployed to do another sweep when it’s clear.”

Marcus gave her a curious look. “Everything all right?”

“Yes,” she said, stripping off the gloves and stuffing them in her pocket rather than handing them back. Even the icy air on her fingers was welcome. “I have some other business to attend. You good?”

He glanced back at the warehouse then to her. “No. But I’ll get there.”

“If you need me…”

He chuckled. “I’ll call, but I think I’m a little below your pay grade these days.”

Natalia snorted. “You’re a good kid and a damn fine detective. You call if you need me.”

“Will do. As soon as I have anything…”

Leaving him, she made her way across the scene toward the tape again. More eyes followed her and she did a casual sweep of not only who was working but also who was watching.

Her gaze collided with Melinda May’s and she shook her head. Ducking the tape, she nodded to the officer then headed for the SUV. As expected, Melinda fell into step with her.

“We should talk.”

“I’m a little busy,” Natalia told her.

“Nat…”

“Friday, what’s our timetable?”

“Ten minutes, Nat.”

Natalia nodded, then flicked a look at May when they reached the SUV. “You have five minutes.”

“Okay.” Melinda folded her arms as Natalia faced her. “What actually pissed you off? That Phil being alive was kept from you or that we rebuilt SHIELD?”

“Not telling us about Phil was a selfish choice. Tactically understandable the first few months. After five years? It’s rather unforgivable. That’s not on Fury or you or anyone else. It’s on him.”

“Did it occur to you that after all this time he had no idea how to tell any of you? That he also had to give up friendships he valued? A woman he valued? That he has suffered for this choice?”

“Yes.”

“And?” May pinned her with a look but Natalia shrugged.

“It was a choice.”

She let out a sigh. “You are such a hard ass.”

Another shrug. “I’ve made my own share of choices and calls, Mel. Had to live with the fallout. So have you.”

“Then you understand.”

“Absolutely. Doesn’t mean it makes it forgivable or that I’ll talk to Clint for you or for him.”

“He’s missed you.”

“All he had to do was pick up a phone.”

May nodded. “Accepted. The question is where do we go from here?”

“Well, I’m headed back to the Tower. I assume you’ll head back to wherever he is and your top-secret facilities and return to your covert ops.”

“He’s still in New York. He still wants to try and talk to you and Clint. If we give you a couple of days—do you think you could make that happen?”

“Sure,” Natalia said. “I can make just about anything happen. But I won’t. I’ll ask Clint. If he wants to talk to the director, we do actually know how to use a phone.”

The remark landed.

“Five minutes, Nat,” Friday warned.

May held out a slip of paper. “This is his direct number.”

“And why you’re here.”

She made a face. “Yes.”

Taking it, she memorized the digits before sliding it into her pocket. “It was good to see you.”

May quirked a faint smile. “Stark?”

Natalia shrugged. “He’s an acquired taste.”

“One you’ve clearly developed.”

With a faint smile, Natalia slid into the SUV. “Apparently.”

The other woman gave her a nod, then turned. She vanished into the darkness as easily as Natalia might.

Cloaky poked between the seats to look at her and then past her to where May went. “Long story,” she told the cloak. “And we have a mission.”

“Angel?” Steve’s voice came over the comms. “Friday said you were free now.”

“Yeah, I’m here and I’ll be back in the Tower in thirty, have you reached the first ship?”

“Yes, we’re doing aerial flybys and a full scan before we go down. You okay?”

“I’m fine,” she said as she backed up and then turned. She scanned the crowd again. Someone was watching her. May? Coulson?

Someone else?

“I’ll fill you in when you’re back. Focus on what’s in front of you, Cap.” She kept her tone business and he chuckled.

“Yes, ma’am.”

That earned a roll of her eyes.

A faint click on the comms piece told her the channel had been changed.

“Everything good there, Red? Friday said you were at a crime scene out in Brooklyn.”

“Long story, I’m fine. I’ll fill you in when you’re back.” Same answer she’d given Steve. “Focus on your own mission, Shellhead and put me back on the open channel.”

“Aww… blow me a kiss?”

She snorted.

“Just one little kiss?”

“Tony.”

“Damn. It’s sexy when you scold me. Going back to the open channel.”

She shook her head. “Tell me what you see,” she murmured as she headed for the road and kept scanning the other vehicles and watching for a tail. Friday had a drone on her somewhere and was likely tracking her, too, didn’t mean it was time to get sloppy.


	41. Fistful of Steel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a far too long absence, we're back in the waters off Colombia dealing with the presence of two vessels that have reappeared after a significant absence. Thanks for your patience folks!

**Chapter Forty-One**

_ Fistful of Steel _

**Bucky**

Strange studied the ships below with a bemused expression as they made another circuit. The Chinese ambassador was on the horn with Natalia and the captain of the vessel. Natalia’s soothing tones as she spoke fluent Mandarin had him smiling. In the past, he most often heard her use it when they were on missions. If they'd been deployed to China it had always involved someone's death. Often multiple someones. Her ear for languages, though, he would never get over it. He spoke a few himself, but no one he knew could speak as many as she did nor did they pick it up as easily.

"All right ladies and gents," Natalia said over the comms. "You have clearance to board the vessel. The captain is extremely puzzled not only about their location but how they got here. His last memory is literally moments before they vanished. For him, the arrival of his ship and his crew to this location was only seconds after they vanished from the South China Sea."

Tony was already striding toward the lowering hatch. "You're with me, Buck. Sam, you have Steve?" Despite the friendly conditions, no one wanted to take the quinjet all the way down to the deck.

"I'm good," Steve declared and Bucky rolled his eyes as Steve jumped.

Seriously.

Tony let out a little laugh. "Red..."

"He jumped," she said, her tone so dry even Bucky laughed. "Why am I not surprised?"

"C'mon, Nat. It's not even that far. And I'm on the deck. The rest of you need to move it."

Shaking his head, Bucky jogged forward and leapt.

"Yep," Tony drawled as Bucky landed on the wood and steel deck. It only buckled slightly where he absorbed the shock. "You two are baiting the bull."

"You calling Nat a bull?" Sam asked as he soared out. "Cause I'm thinking bulls have..."

"Sam," Steve interrupted.

"Aww," Tony and Natalia said in the same tone.

"Yeah, Punk, let him dig his own grave. What do bulls have, Sam?"

"You know what?"

"You're all annoying?" Strange asked as he and Wanda both drifted down to the deck with Sam and Tony right behind them. Tony didn't land so much as begin a sweep.

"Yep, they're that, too," he said cheerfully. "Going submersible and getting a good look below."

"Hey now," Sam protested. "I'm just saying that they wouldn't do it if she were here."

"Yes, we would," Bucky said in unison with Steve even as Natalia said, "Yes, they would. Now focus up. We need a full search and sweep. James, I need you to be my eyes with the crew, they've agreed to let me interrogate them."

"As you wish, kotyonok."

"Aww," Sam said with a grin. "You're so cute."

"Sam, head up, be our eyes with Clint.” Steve ordered. “Wanda, you and Strange start scanning for whatever you can detect, magical or otherwise." The grimace when he said magical made Bucky smile. "I'll take the engine room and work my way up."

"Wait for me, Cap," Clint announced as he drifted down on a parachute.

"I thought you were staying up on the quinjet."

But the archer just shot him a smirk. "No one runs alone."

Bucky nodded to him. Sending Clint with Stevie was smart, too. Steve wouldn't rush off and leave Natalia's best friend behind either.

Very clever.

"Channel Two, James."

"Channel Two," he said before breaking off from the team.

"Wait, if we're not traveling solo, why does Barnes get to go out on his own?" At Sam's protest, Bucky just lifted a middle finger in his direction and kept moving.

"He'll be fine," Steve said. "You get up there. The faster we get some answers, the more settled this crew will be."

It was a cargo ship, so there were shipping containers piled ten and twenty high on the deck. Natalia gave him directions right to where the captain had staged the crew and he didn't hesitate to follow them. "Fair warning, zvezda moya, I don't think this is just standard cargo."

"Smuggling?"

"Military, too. The captain almost didn't back down for the ambassador. This is both political and shady, so I expect a lot of lies."

"We don't care about most of those."

"No," she said softly. "We don't."

He found the crew lined up in neat rows with the captain and his first officer facing him. Yeah. They weren't just a merchant vessel. There wasn't a single man there that didn't have some kind of training. The captain's eyes widened at Bucky's arrival. Adjusting his comm unit, he tapped the scanner on his shoulder.

It fit on his uniform, gave Friday eyes if she needed them and in this case it would let Natalia see. The captain eyed him, his placid expression betraying nothing. But the stiff posture and the way his eyes narrowed spoke volumes.

“They do not like you, zvezda moya.”

He’d noticed.

“I’m not here to make friends,” he said as much to her as the captain. The barest flicker of his eyelashes betrayed his understanding of English, though the captain didn’t respond.

Natalia sighed softly. “Let’s do it my way first and if that isn’t successful, you can do it yours.”

He didn’t smile. But he would kiss her for that later. “As you wish, Widow.”

The softness of her chuckle teased him. “Hmm, we’ll see, Soldat.”

Playtime, however, was over. Bucky eyed the captain then switched to Mandarin as he began the interrogation.

The clipped, nearly monosyllabic answers they provided offered them little in the way of determining what happened. But Bucky understood what Natalia was looking for, so he kept moving as he asked the questions and kept them rapid-fire. Senior officers wouldn’t break. But the crewmen?

He’d already seen one man’s lips tighten no less than three times at the denials offered. The ship’s physician also didn’t look particularly pleased and he avoided all direct eye contact.

“Status check?” Bucky asked after he took a step away, ostensibly to check with his team.

“Steve and Clint aren’t finding anything. Tony says there’s some odd scoring on the hull, but all below the waterline. He’s gotten some samples. If we didn’t know any better, this ship hasn’t experienced any kind of event. But they’re lying about the time.”

He agreed.

“They know how long they were ‘missing,’ and they don’t want to reveal that. They would rather allow us to assume that they appeared here immediately after their disappearance there.”

“So three weeks?”

“Da,” she murmured. “Friday and I are going after their logs. Pull aside the physician and those crewmen and see if you can isolate them. They’ve closed off their systems to outside intrusion but Tony’s giving us a boost.”

“Tell me if you need anything…”

“A foot massage would be nice.”

One of the crewmen they’d picked out studied him, but when Bucky glanced in his direction he jerked his gaze away.

The man wanted to talk. They’d start there.

“As soon as I’m back.”

“Excellent…maybe Stephen can speed the lift home.” That sounded good. “I’ll be listening but I’ll mute my end.”

“Understood.”

He turned back to the captain and ruined his day by telling him he would be speaking to them individually. Officers first, make them uncomfortable enough to withdraw before he went after the crewmen.

Three questions should do it.

Pressure points came in all shapes and sizes.

This would be more fun if she were there. For now, he just focused on getting it done.

**Steve**

Clint trailed behind him as they made their way through the belly of the ship. Ostensibly, they’d started in the engine room and worked their way from aft forward. The engine room hadn’t revealed much, but their path through the crew quarters was far more revealing.

“Cap, found more,” Clint said quietly and pulled his attention back to where he stood. Tracking his gaze, Steve canted his head. Bullet holes.

A pair of them.

They shared a look. It wasn’t unreasonable to assume a fight could have happened. There could be a rational explanation for the presence. But those weren’t the only ones they’d found. No blood. Just damage to parts of the bulkhead.

The only bullets that would do that kind of damage would have to be armor-piercing.

Not a good idea.

“Cap,” Tony said over the comms. “Channel 3.”

“Channel 3,” he said, trusting Friday to switch him. “Find something?”

“Carbon scoring on the hull. A lot of it. Whatever they went through scraped all along down here, scorching it. Not above deck though, so maybe they had the clearance above but not below. Any signs of water damage inside?”

“No. We’ve found a half-dozen bullet holes scattered along here. Some signs of a fight, but they’ve cleaned it all up.”

“They’re hiding something.”

“Agreed.”

The problem was figuring out what and how it related to their disappearance. "Anything from Strange or Wanda?"

"Red says no, they aren't picking up anything, but Strange says, and I quote, 'just because we can't feel it doesn't mean something isn't wrong. It's here, we just have to look deeper.'"

"Pithy," Clint grunted. "Nat and Bucky get anything out of the crew?"

"Negative. But apparently, Bucky's got a lead. He's currently pissing off the officers and the captain just stalked off and refused to discuss anything with him further."

Steve grinned as he and Clint continued their sweep. "He has a gift."

Once upon a time, he'd have charmed the answers he wanted, but now? Steve suspected all Buck would have to do was stare these days. Even with the camouflaged arm and the stability he'd gained not only in regaining all of his memories but also in reuniting with Nat, Bucky could empty his stare and see right through a person.

"Better them than us," Clint grunted and then paused when he tried to release a hatch. Twice, the handle wouldn't give. It was the only locked one they'd come to.

He backed off a few steps and motioned to Steve while he divided his attention on the passageway. Neither of them felt like having anyone sneak up on them but Steve didn't hear anyone close. Unwilling to trust whoever could make a ship disappear couldn't just appear themselves, he slid the shield onto his back and gripped the crossbar. It was either jammed or locked.

The metal protested, but he wrenched the dog wheel and the locks gave as the air seal broke. The smell hit him and Clint backed up another step.

"Christ..."

Yeah, only death smelled like that. Steve drove the door open and then stared at the bodies stacked inside.

"Friday...main channel."

"Main channel, Captain."

"I've got five bodies down here." He stopped breathing through his nose and kept the breath shallow and through his mouth, even that wasn't enough to manage against the stench.

"On my way to you," Strange told him and a moment later, sparks flooded the hallway as a portal opened and he stepped through it--Wanda wasn't with him and Steve shot a look over his shoulder.

"Clint?"

"Yep." He hopped right through the opening and then Strange let it snap closed as he joined Steve at the doorway.

"At least two days, but I'd say a lot longer." He wasted no time stepping into the room and Steve shifted his shield back to his arm as he moved to keep an eye on the hall while the doctor did his work.

"How bad is it?" Natasha asked a split-second after the channel changed. She'd taken them off the main comm.

"Five bodies," Steve told her. "Varying levels of decomp..."

"They were frozen," Strange said over his shoulder. "Two of them are still pretty stiff from the cold. It's going to mess with being able to tell how long." But he straightened. "Even an autopsy would only be able to give us a guesstimate."

Ignoring the way his gut tightened at the  _ frozen _ comment, Steve nodded. "Best guess."

"Probably weeks," Strange warned him. "Decomp is going to speed up as they thaw. I'd bet they moved them out of cold storage in prep for our arrival, assuming this storage room and airtight compartment would keep them out of sight."

Maybe.

Steve had never liked locked doors or secrets. "Something happened on this ship. Something they don't want us to know about."

"James agrees," Natasha told him. "There's a couple of crewmen he's separated, the doctor isn't talking. But he knows more and is very uncomfortable with the orders he's been given."

"Think you can persuade their ambassador to give us more leeway or at least force them to answer?" One would think they wanted a solution, or at least, want the Avengers to uncover it. The humanity of it made sense. It was the politics getting in the way.

Strange glanced at him, his expression guarded.

"What?"

Natasha went quiet for a moment.

Strange made a motion and one of the bodies lifted and then turned over. Steve stared at the scorched back. But it was the body beneath it that gave him pause.

It was missing both legs from the knee down and the pants and flesh remained were also blackened and scorched.

"You know what did this." It wasn't a question.

"Perhaps," Strange said, though he nodded, he made a gesture of putting the bodies back while his free hand motioned to the corner. Camera.

Red light.

Someone was watching them.

Understood.

"Natasha," Steve said, keeping his face as blank as possible, though right now, he probably looked more troubled than anything and with the bodies here... that worked. "See what you can get the ambassador to agree to without giving him anything else. We’re also getting some audiovisual interference here on the comms. Can you clear that up?"

He trusted her to understand.

“We’re on it.” 

She didn’t let him down.

"We'll finish our sweep while Buck talks to the crewmen. I doubt they'll let us remove the bodies."

"Not likely," Natasha said. "At least not if you ask first."

God, he loved her. "Good to know. Main channel. The whole team, Friday. Please."

"Of course, Captain."

Bucky's voice speaking in clipped Mandarin and carrying just enough icy threat to communicate without needing to understand the language to grasp the actual words he offered.

"Who's creeped out?" Sam asked. "I'm officially creeped out. We got Barnes talking like a terminator on a ghost ship. This is the movie mash-up I didn't need."

"Wilson, pop culture is my jam. Stay in your lane," Tony chided.

"What lane? Skyways are all--holy crap dude, watch where you're going."

Bucky's soft laugh made Steve smile. Those two made an art out of picking on each other.

"You were saying," Tony said drily. "Oh, right. I don't care. We were listening to Cap."

Strange's bland look pulled another smile from Steve. This was a gruesome and dangerous situation and yet... "Focus up, people," he said as much for himself as for him. "Finish our sweep. We need to check out the other ship and then we need to take our findings back and brief the committee."

They weren't telling the committee anything. Not yet. But...

"Yay," Tony said. "You know how much I love briefing them. Anything fun and entertaining to report?"

Thank you, Tony.

"Not at the moment," Steve said as Strange took actual photos of each of the bodies. It was a little odd to watch him use a camera phone. Then again, everything about the situation was odd. It also struck him that Strange was out here without his cloak. The cloak that still hung out with Natasha.

One problem at a time.

"We good here?" He almost said doc, but then left it off.

One nod.

"Finish your sweeps. How much longer do you need, Bucky?"

"Just waiting for a slider."

He needed one more answer.

"Wrap it up."

"Got it."

"Nat, you still with us?"

Her soft chuckle made him grin even as he continued his forward sweep, they had one more level after this. "I'm here."

"Strange is going to need some guidance." I shot him a look and he nodded.

"Channel three, Stephen."

"Hey," Tony interrupted. "That's our channel."

"Hush, Shellhead. Business first."

"I heard that, wifey."

There was dead silence on the comms and Steve stared at the bulkhead for a moment.

"Too far?" Tony asked after the moment elongated.

"Boss, Nat's on channel three."

"Oh, saved by Friday," Sam said with a laugh.

"No," Friday corrected. "She heard Boss, she just chose not to comment because it was not the right time."

It was too damn serious to laugh, but damn if Steve didn't chuckle.

"Shit," Tony swore. Then...

_ "Language..." _ came from a half-dozen voices and Steve continued chuckling. Morbid humor helped.

He'd learned that during the war.

Behind him, Strange ducked back into the room with the bodies and Steve made a lot of noise to keep the attention on him. Friday and Nat could take care of the camera.

"Captain," Friday said into his ear. "Nat wanted you to know, Strange has removed the bodies and will join you four compartments ahead. I have disabled the other cameras. She also suggested that it would be time for a strategic withdrawal. This ship will not be putting into port. They are being ordered immediately back to open water and to set sail for China."

"Understood."

Ten minutes later, they boarded the quinjet and said nothing. The crewmen stared at them as they lifted away and the ship was already turning away as they headed for the second vessel.

The sound of the explosion rippled outward seconds after a bright flash.

"Holy shit," Tony swore. "The ship tore in two. Going for survivors."

"Sam..." Steve began, but the other man was already throwing himself out of the quinjet to hurtle after Tony. The Chinese vessel was unharmed.

But the second ship?

"There was no distress call," Friday cautioned.

Nothing.

But the ship was sinking fast.

Two hours later, they had some of the wreckage and the operation had turned from rescue to salvage with the Colombians lending a strong assist as well as two Brazilian ships also in the area.

The Chinese never slowed.

"This is a problem," Tony said as he rejoined them. Bucky nodded.

"A big one."

Because they still had more questions than answers.

"The bodies?"

"Pieces," Tony said with a grimace. "Wherever the crew was, they were too close to the detonation. Shrapnel tore them apart."

Steve exhaled.

"Captain Rogers..." Friday's tone carried another warning. Now what? "We have visitors at the Tower and Nat wanted me to let you know they are currently cooling their heels in the lobby but they have a court order this time."

"Who?" But Steve already knew.

The district and state's attorneys were making their move.

**Tony**

Hours passed as they worked the recovery, aware with each passing second that the Chinese ship maintained its course away from them and that back in New York, the district and state's attorneys were waiting to speak to Nat.

To say Tony was not in a good mood would be an understatement. So far, she hadn't made a move to deal with it on her own and had stayed on the line. International emergency definitely trumped interrogation. Only, Merritt and that dick Price had dug in and refused to leave. Three attorneys from Stark Legal were already at the Tower and they had the men cooling their heels in a conference room.

The sun had long since set and only the work of the local coast guard and navy along with drones Friday had sent in provided light for the recovery effort. Tony and Wanda spent a lot of time pulling up pieces. With every body part they found, however, Wanda had grown grimmer and grimmer.

Bucky shut that shit down when she began to sway on her feet. Every other time they'd tried to get her to sit it out, she'd argued. This time was no different. But the moment she opened her mouth to argue, he'd said three words to her.

Three.

Tony hadn't caught what they were specifically, but Wanda agreed and let him bundle her into a thermal blanket and tuck her back onto the quinjet. They'd recovered large sections of the ship, but a great deal of it had sunk or been shredded into jagged pieces. It could take weeks to salvage all of it.

"Boss," Friday said in his ear, her tone indicative that they were on the private comm. "I've reviewed the satellite footage. So has Nat. She wants to talk to you."

"Yay," he said with far less enthusiasm than normal. Tired edged him. He was really fucking tired of having to run cleanup and catch up. Whatever was going on, they needed better leads and they needed them now.

"You doing okay, Shellhead?" Her voice was a welcome balm. Below, they were pulling another two legs from the water. No. One leg and the other was just mostly a foot. What was that? The tenth? Or the eleventh?

"Always," he quipped, but she said nothing even if the soft sound of her breathing said everything. "I'll be okay, Red." He pulled it together and wished he could strip off the armor for a moment to rub his gritty eyes. "I'd kill for coffee and a blowjob though."

Her chuckle eased some of the tension in his spine. "You're tired. You should take a break, moy umnyy."

"Can't," he said as he dove down into the water. Unlike the rest of them, he could do the underwater search far easier and even when the water closed over his suit. He plunged into the dark depths, letting the darkness insulate him as much as was possible. "We're only about fifty percent done. Those idiots still hanging out?"

"They've been offered rooms," Natasha told him and he groaned.

"Really?"

"Well, I'm not going to talk to them until the team is done. You're not done. I'm not done. They refuse to leave without speaking to me. The attorneys have kept them at arms length and so far the call they placed to the governor has helped, but they aren't going to walk away." The shrug in her words made him sigh. "They aren't important right now. I offered them rooms and had Friday order them meals so they would be comfortable. If they want to dig in for however long, then we can afford to be gracious and keep their tempers in check."

She was probably right. Wait, no probably about it. She was definitely right. Didn't make swallowing that bullshit any easier. "They could have made a fucking appointment."

"You and I both know they want us off our game for these questions. It's why they keep trying to corner me and it's probably equally frustrating to them that I keep slipping away. But...it doesn't matter what they want right now. They aren't important."

On that, they agreed. "So dazzle me with your brilliance if you're not going to offer me the blowjob, Red."

The minute the words left pop his mouth, he winced.

"Probably crossed a line there," he admitted at her silence. "No, definitely crossed a line. Sorry, Red. Tired."

"If I offered you one, would you take a break and let the authorities finish the clean up, Tony?"

The question would have knocked his ass out of the air if he'd been flying as it was, he got a little disoriented as he lost track of the target on his scanner. He cleared his throat. "To clarify, are we talking hypothetically or are you actually offering?"

"Your choice."

He groaned. "You're killing me, Red."

"Because even if I offered, you're not going anywhere until you've collected absolutely everything you can." She knew him too damn well. "And you're making this wholly your responsibility."

Was he? Maybe. "No one else can do what I do." No arrogance. No pride. Not even posturing or bragging.

"I know. But you're also not alone."

It was the kindest, most gentle reprimand she'd ever given him. A half-dozen quips and retorts formed on his lips, but he gave voice to none of them. "I don't deserve you," was all he managed.

"I would argue that you deserve far more than you've ever allowed yourself."

"I've allowed myself a hell of a lot, Red."

"You also punish yourself a hell of a lot."

"You act like you know me. Making amends for past sins is something we have in common."

"True. Sometimes you can never clear the debt. Doesn't mean you can't do something to take care of yourself. You're  _ not _ alone. You have a team. You have friends."

"I have you."

"Yes," she said and the smile was right there in her voice. "You have me."

The information buoyed him. "I know I'm not alone, Red. I don't always act like it." Even as he spoke, he continued his search of the murky depths. "Sometimes, I forget. I'm used to relying on myself. But I'm getting better."

"Then listen to Steve."

He paused. "Did I miss something?"

"Boss, Captain Rogers asked you to break three times over the last six hours, you've told him one more trip each time."

Oh.

Shit.

Tony sighed.

"He gets it, Tony. You know he does. It's why he's  _ not _ making it an issue and I am."

"Tag-teaming me, Red? You know, I could be..." he groaned.

"Distract. Deflect. Counter. I know all the moves, Shellhead. Keep playing."

A chuckle broke out of him. She wasn't wrong. Deflect and antagonize. His two signature moves. "This is my last trip," he said. "Unless what you and Friday found changes my mind."

"Boss," Friday slid in smoothly. "Nat and I studied the satellite info on the scans before, during, and after the explosion."

"And?"

"No build-up," Natasha said. "There was no surge at all until the team was aboard the quinjet and you were within one mile of the vessel."

Trap.

"They waited for us to be on approach."

"They wanted us to see it blow."

He swore. "You tell Steve?"

"He knows," she said. "He was waiting for you to take a break before he hit you with it but since you weren't taking a break..."

"I got hit with the Red bat, instead." There were worse things.

"Baby girl, bring Cap on the channel?"

'I'm here, Tony."

"I've got another piece of the bulkhead here," he said, staring at the chunk that had to have sheered away from the side of the ship. "Carbon scoring. Just like the Chinese vessel." It was blackened all along the surface of the metal. It would take a hell of an energy surge to mark it up like that.

"You want to recover it and bring it back with us?"

"Yes, I do."

"Sounds like a plan. Then you'll take a break?" There it was, under the ease of the command in his voice: concern. Fuck, how long had he been ignoring Cap?

"You got it. What's the plan, Cap?"

"Soon as you're back aboard. We're heading home. Local authorities will take over the salvage, we'll return tomorrow if we need to. Nat and Friday have eyes on the Chinese vessel, but so far it has remained intact."

"Sounds good. Be there shortly." He gripped the bulkhead and tested the weight before beginning to ascend.

"Angel, can you give us a minute?"

"Of course."

"Channel private, Captain," Friday announced, then she too went quiet.

"What's up?" Tony asked.

"You okay?"

"Undecided."

They were both quiet for a moment.

Then Tony said, "But I'm working on it. I don't get the endgame here. I don't even see what the hell is going on and that bothers me."

"Can't fight what we can't identify," Steve agreed with him.

"Exactly. And this feels..."

"Calculated and targeted."

"Yes."

"Agreed." Steve sighed, the sound harsh. "Buck says we're in a maze without a compass and the hedges are too high to see the sun."

"Poetic. But it sounds like a polite way of saying we're fucked." Not that he disagreed with him.

"Wrap it up, Tony. We're all tired and we've got guests waiting for us."

He grimaced. "I can't wait."

Steve snorted.

"No," Tony insisted as he continued to rise, carrying the heavy piece. He wanted all of it, a full scan and inspection when he got back to the Tower. "I can't wait. I need to vent my spleen and they've graciously decided to step into the ring."

A pause.

"You make a very good argument."

"Tag-team?"

"You did insist that all three of us be there."

He had, hadn't he?

Some of his darker mood lifted. "Feeling better already."

"I agree," Steve said. "Let me know when you're nearing the surface..."

"Five minutes," Tony told him. He didn't want to risk damaging the sample. "Strange giving us a lift back?"

"Yep."

"Friday, ask Red to put the coffee on and get dinner ordered for everyone..."

"On it, Boss."

"Four minutes."

"Tracking you," Steve said. "Friday, coordinate with the locals and ask them to keep us in the loop?"

Four minutes to surface.

Two minutes to secure the sample.

Three minutes to reach a distance where they could open one of Strange's portals without observation.

Then they were back in New York. The team was exhausted, but Bucky and Steve had the same glint in their eyes as they descended the ramp.

The night was not over.

The only thing that had changed was the target.


	42. 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalia helps Wanda after the mission before she and the boys deal with the legal questions.

**Chapter Forty-Two**

42

Natalia leaned against the counter, sipping coffee as the guys filtered through the doors. She scanned each of them. Friday assured her everyone was fine, but she catalogued their arrival regardless. James was irritated. Clint was weary. Steve was angry. Tony? She focused on him briefly, but he gave her a thin smile and shook his head. Not right now. When she arched an eyebrow, he nodded.

Later, his eyes promised. He would talk to her later.

It would do.

Stephen also looked exhausted, but he eyed Cloaky who just floated away from him dismissively. It was like some kind of sitcom. But Natalia couldn't afford to be entertained by it right now. Not when Wanda's eyes held a hollow, almost fragile quality. Setting the coffee aside, she stepped forward and the girl folded right into her arms. Wrapping them around her, she held her tight and locked gazes with Clint.

"It was bad," was all he said. She nodded.

"There's coffee," she told them all. "And food." The last she said with a focus on her three. "Eat, I'm going to settle Wanda. Then we can deal with the others."

Cloaky was right behind her as she walked Wanda to the elevator.

It wasn't until they were almost to Wanda's floor before the younger woman let out a shuddering sigh. "There was nothing we could do."

"I know," Natalia told her. She'd had Friday nudge up the heat on Wanda's floor. Food waited for her there, too. "Let's get you in a bath, I want you to soak for a while and warm up. I'll make tea."

"You have things to do..."

"Shh," Natalia scolded lightly, then pressed a kiss to her temple. "I'm right where I need to be." The hollow look. The shocky eyes. The pale features. Wanda needed her right now. It took very little coaxing on her part to get Wanda into the hot steamy water. She left her soaking while returning to the kitchen.

Humming, she made tea and then located a bottle of vodka tucked into the back of the freezer. Either Friday or Wanda, either way, it was exactly what she needed. She added a generous measure to each cup and then returned to the bathroom with the mugs.

Wanda's hair was wet, her pale face flushed from the heat, but her eyes remained empty. After pressing the mug into her hands, Natalia took a seat on the rug and folded her legs crisscross. It took taking a sip of her own tea before Wanda finally took a sip of hers. She choked and then coughed before blinking. One glance at the tea, then she stared at Natalia.

"You put vodka in it."

"Yes I did, you need it. Drink up."

A half-laugh left her as she scrubbed a hand over her face. "It's not the first time I've seen death, you know."

"I know."

"It's not even the worst thing I've seen."

"I know that, too."

"Shouldn't I be used to it now?"

Natalia's mind flitted to the warehouse. To the charnel house of pain stacked with corpses and painted in blood. "I hope you never are."

Seeking her gaze, Wanda sighed. "It was bad. It was all parts...not people. Not a ship. One minute they were there and they were fine and then..."

"Then they weren't. Disasters, man-made or otherwise, have no pity."

"I kept looking, hoping that maybe...maybe we could save  _ one _ ." The catch in her voice was unmistakable. Emotion bubbled up beneath the shock. The next swallow of tea was longer and she closed her eyes as if she could blank out the images.

"They were dead before you got there," Natalia told her. "They were dead the moment they reappeared from wherever they went."

Exhaling a shaky breath, Wanda said, "There was nothing we could do."

"No," Natalia corrected. "You did everything you could. You salvaged. You recovered evidence. You pulled up what remains you could. There will be closure for some families because of what you did. We have evidence that will hopefully give us a direction and a target. You backed your team."

Tears filmed Wanda's eyes, but Natalia didn't try to chase them away. Feeling hurt. She would know. She'd been numb for years. Then oblivious to her own losses even if they cut so deeply, the scar tissue burned. When she had remembered?

Well, it hadn't been pretty.

It was better to face it head-on than leave it to ambush you later.

Knocking back the tea, she drained it and then tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling. Wanda needed a moment, so she let her have it.

"I couldn't stop," Wanda said after a prolonged silence. "All I could see was the bodies--the destruction. I couldn't stop. Then...then Bucky said, 'she'd be proud,' and it all just whooshed out of me." She turned those tear-filled eyes to Natalia.

"He was right, I am proud. Washenka, you did well. We can't save everyone." She'd been able to avenge Marcus, but she couldn't save his brother. Maria Rodriguez would never go home to her family, but she would find the people behind the kill rooms. She would give their family some peace.

"Does that part ever get easier?" The small voice she asked that in tugged at Natalia's heart.

"If it ever does, that's when you walk away," Natalia warned her. "You go somewhere quiet and just live."

Wanda lifted her teary gaze and then sighed as she leaned against the side of the tub. More color returned to her face. "I'm tired."

"I know." Reaching over, Natalia smoothed a hand over her head. "But you're safe. You can let us carry this for now." When Wanda closed her eyes, Natalia pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Her breathing had evened out, the shock clawing around the corners of her eyes had faded, and her shoulders sagged with weariness. "You're safe," she repeated.

When the girl wrapped a wet arm around her, Natalia just hugged her. "You always know the right thing to say."

"Not always," Natalia murmured. "But I've been there." Sometimes, she'd lived there for years. "I'm getting used to not being alone, too."

That earned a shudder. "Times like now are when I miss Pietro the most. He always...he could be such an  _ ass _ ." A watery laugh escaped her. "But he could always pull me out. I don't even know how Bucky knew to tell me that or that it would work."

"James had three younger sisters," she reminded her. He'd been a wonderful father. She had no doubt he'd been a wonderful brother. "And he had Steve."

That earned a real life.

"Rumor has it, he was a punk," Natalia continued, just kneeling there and letting Wanda have the hug she wanted. "Lots of practice."

With a sniff, Wanda pulled back and Natalia let her go. She wiped at her tears and then grinned. "He had you, too."

"I was a gift," Natalia said lightly. "Practically perfect."

That got her an honest laugh. "Why don't I believe you?"

"Because you're a smart kid." Natalia winked. "But I dare you to ask James."

"No, I'm good." Another real laugh and she relaxed back in the water. "I'm okay now."

Yes, she was. "Finish your tea," Natalia said as she rose and set the towels closer to the tub. "Then sleep. At least eight hours. I'll leave food in the kitchen for you. Though I don't think you're hungry at the moment."

"No," Wanda said with a sigh as she leaned her head back. She waited until Natalia was at the door before she said, "Nat?"

"Hmm?"

"You know how Peter calls you Mom?"

Natalia smiled. "Da, I do."

"Would it be weird if I did?"

Leaning against the door for a moment, Natalia raised her eyebrows. "Do you want to call me 'Mom'?" Only discipline kept her from acknowledging the odd tug at her heart.

"I kind of do." A blush stained her cheeks. "That's weird, right?"

"Only if it makes you uncomfortable."

"It doesn't," Wanda said slowly. "Mom."

Natalia smiled. "Then call me whatever you like, Washenka." She took another two steps then glanced back over her shoulder. "But you should consider calling Clint 'Dad' if you're going to call me Mom."

There was a pause and Wanda let out a laugh. "I've kind of wanted to for a while, but I wasn't sure he would go for it. I mean--he's got his kids..." She winced. "I didn't mean."

"Shh," Natalia hushed her. "I know what you meant, but he loves you like a daughter. Don't deny yourself the family you want."

Not when they'd give it to her.

"Would it be weird for you if he was Dad and you were Mom?"

Natalia shrugged. "I make a really good Auntie Nat."

That earned her a real laugh. "You do, but...I like Mom better."

She didn't want to admit it, except... Sometimes the words helped. "I like it, too."

"Thanks, Mom."

"Anytime. Get some sleep." She tapped the doorframe once and then left her to it. "Good night, Washenka."

"Night, Mom!" Then her laugh floated out with the words and Natalia shook her head as she made her way to the kitchen. After making sure her teacup was washed out, she heated the water and fixed another pot for when Wanda got out of the bath. She may not want it, but it would be there along with the sandwiches. Light enough to just eat quickly, but heavy enough to fill her stomach.

"Friday?"

"I will keep an eye on her, Nat."

"Thank you." "

"Boss, Captain Rogers, and Sergeant Barnes are waiting for you in the penthouse. Mr. Barton has gone to bed and Doctor Strange headed out and indicated he would return in a few hours."

That would be good. They had a stack of bodies on ice.

"How are our guests?" She'd not given them a second thought after Friday and the lawyers sequestered them to a conference room on one of the public floors nor after they opened a set of corporate rooms for them when they stated they weren't leaving.

Fine.

They could wait.

The elevator doors dinged as they opened and Natalia pushed away from the wall to walk right into James' arms since he stood waiting for her. None of them had changed. "Is she all right?" James asked softly.

"She is," Natalia murmured. "Fair warning, she wants to call me 'Mom,' too."

"Good."

He slid his hand around her nape as they turned.

Tony smirked.

"What did you do?" Her question only made his smirk grow.

"Nothing," he said. "Yet."

At the ‘yet’, Steve's smile turned positively unfriendly. "Shall we wake our guests up?"

*******

To say our "guests" were not thrilled with Friday flashing their lights on and announcing at a slightly "too loud to be comfortable level" that the Avengers were ready to meet them would be an understatement. They arrived in the conference room, likely expecting to have to wait, only to find Natalia seated with James right behind her, arms folded and an impassive expression on his face.

Like Steve, James hadn't changed from his uniform. They were both dirty and fierce-looking. The double-take the attorneys gave Steve was almost amusing, but she kept her expression schooled.

Three-thirty in the morning meant the pair had gotten a few hours of sleep. Not enough to be truly restful and not so much they could accuse the Avengers of keeping them hanging. They were summoned the minute they were all free.

Steve sat to her right and Tony on her left. Though he wasn't wearing his armor, he was fully-armed with a droll expression, bored look in his eyes and drummed his fingers against the tabletop as though he had far better things to do.

Warmth fisted in her chest. Technically, these attorneys were the "good guys" but their antagonistic attitudes and tactics had won them no friends in this room. They were also now sleep rumpled, gritty-eyed, and off guard.

Dan Merritt, from the Manhattan District Attorney's office, blew out a breath as he slid his briefcase onto the table. He didn't look pleased, but ready to roll with it. Lorne Price, on the other hand, glared at her like she was the devil incarnate.

The expression lasted all of five seconds before his gaze drifted up and she could pinpoint the exact moment he locked eyes with James because he tried to blank his face.

Didn't work.

But she'd give him a solid C for effort.

He also paled a fraction.

The silence stretched in the room. Tony's attorneys had been roused when they arrived and given time to get coffee and a shower before they woke anyone else.

In fact, they merely sat there, all put together and patient. Merritt shot a dark look at Price when he jerked a chair out. The rattle of the wheels was the only noise in the room.

"Mrs. Stark," Merritt said as he made his way down the table, one hand extended. He hesitated though because to shake her hand he would have to reach past Tony unless she stood up.

She didn't.

Tony didn't move.

"Mr. Merritt," Natalia greeted him politely.

His hesitation lasted just long enough to feel like a faux pas before he exhaled and straightened. "My apologies. I'm still waking up and the four of you haven't been to sleep yet."

"This is true," Tony said drolly. "So could we skip the ass-kissing, because if you'd really wanted to soften the landing you would have done as we instructed and made a damn appointment."

"But since you didn't," Steve picked up the line smoothly, his tone hard and unyielding. "You have exactly fifteen minutes and then you'll be escorted out. Use your time wisely."

The pair gaped at them. To be honest, if Natalia weren't in the middle of the negotiation she might have, as well. Individually, Tony and Steve were formidable adversaries. Did these two attorneys have any idea how deep the water was that they'd waded into when both were united?

They didn't like them.

They didn't want them here.

They didn't seem to have any intention of humoring them.

"You don't get to set the terms," Price said abruptly, recovering first. "In fact, you're here as a  _ courtesy _ . Mrs. Stark... if that's actually your name... could just as easily be arrested and compelled to give a statement and testimony."

"Lorne," Merritt snapped. "You're here as a courtesy."

"No,  _ you're _ here as a courtesy. I'm here because I have my own questions and my own cases." Price focused his glare on her. "Now, Ms. Romanoff...or is it Romanova? You appear to have a number of identities."

"It's Stark," Tony said almost idly. "And you're boring me. My wife and I lead very busy lives and we really don't like to have our time wasted."

"I'm used to it," Natalia told him. "Didn't you see me on Capitol Hill?"

"I did and you looked fantastic," Tony said with a grin. "Really, drop-dead gorgeous. Remember when I had to do the same thing? Did you like that tie? I worried that the tie clashed."

"It was fine," Natalia assured him. "They really weren't paying attention to your tie."

"You dress up, you play nice..." Tony said slowly, ticking off the items before he focused a dark look on Price. "And they still send the bottom of the barrel like they belong at the big kid's table."

"It's politics," Natalia reminded him lightly.

"That's one word for it." Tony flashed a grin. "Did I tell you the caterers got the exact ice sculpture I wanted?"

"Excuse me..." Price began.

Tony cut him a bored look. "No. Don't interrupt when I'm talking to my  _ wife _ . Particularly when you're boring me."

Price took a single step forward.

"Sit. Down." James' words cut right through the room. He didn't raise his voice nor add any inflection to the cold tones. Still, a shiver of memory skated through her at the intonation. That tone promised disobedience would be dealt with harshly. Rarely had he ever used it on her. Rarely. But she'd faced him enough times in their shared past when he wanted her to learn something and she refused--such as when she forced him to choke her out because she wouldn't yield.

Most of the time, that tone only dared her to push further. Not so with Price, he actually sat down and then his scowl deepened when he realized he'd done as he was told. Merritt, for the most part, looked miserable.

"Stop," he told the other attorney. "We agreed to this."

Price sat back in his chair, his lips firmed together. With a sigh, Merritt faced them again.

"My apologies, it's late and we're all tired."

"You're also running out of time," Steve told him. He rested his hand on her leg beneath the table and his fingers were light but there was no mistaking the tension in them.

"Point." Instead of rejoining Price where he sat, Merritt pulled out a chair one over from Tony and leaned forward. "As you're aware, we have Secretary Ross in custody pending trial."

Natalia said nothing and Tony just took out his phone. He adjusted his glasses and slouched a little in the chair--dismissive as though he was ignoring everything. For their parts, the Stark legal team said nothing. Unless otherwise indicated they'd let them handle it.

When they didn't respond, Merritt pressed forward. "His trial is going to have several layers, right now, my focus is on his crimes  _ here _ in this state and this city. Those are what he'll be prosecuted for. The next step will be Federal prosecution. There's a chance..." he shot a look towards Price. "That we may combine cases, but that still remains to be seen."

"Tick. Tock." Tony said. "Tell us something we don't know."

If the look on his face was any indication, Price was imagining how he might gut Tony. Natalia fixed her stare on him. Cataloging every weakness, from the way the corner of his eye twitched to how he couldn't hold her gaze any more than he could hold James'. The longer she stared at him, the more he shifted in his seat.

"Ross' lawyers have made it clear they will be calling Mrs. Stark to the stand in order to discredit the charges."

"How?" Steve asked. "There's surveillance footage and more of his actions. Including torturing her."

"But was he?" Price interjected. "The footage shows him allegedly pouring boiling water on her arm, but there's no reaction. None. No screaming. No tears. No resistance. At every step of the way, she agrees and is compliant." A faint, if cruel smile twisted his lips. "If she didn't want to be there, why did she let him do it? Sounds more like complicity--if he even tortured her. You could have just manufactured it."

Steve's hand flexed against her leg. "Is that a question or an accusation?"

Natalia didn't remove her gaze from Price, who grimaced as he kept flicking his eyes to the side. He really didn't want her staring at him.

Too bad.

"It's a statement of fact," Price argued.

"It's an allegation," Merritt corrected. "One they could use to suggest entrapment. If the video is called into question..."

"The video is accurate. The digital recordings were all vetted," Tony reminded him. "By the best technology on the planet for accuracy."

"By yours," Price countered drily. "You mean. Your technology, Mr. Stark. Your technology clears your wife. Surely you can see the conflict of interest."

"She wasn't his wife then," Steve said, his tone dipping into frosty territory. "I would suggest you mind your attitude. We don't have to be here..."

"Actually," Price began, but Tony shifted in his seat and crossed one leg over the other and his attorneys leapt into the fray, cutting Price off and shutting him up. The argument between both sides was almost entertaining, but she gave Merritt a long considering look as Price argued.

"When Price talks himself off this case, does it all become yours?" Her question in the midst of the silence stunned both of them. Merritt eyed her a moment and then glanced at Price who looked apoplectic.

"Possibly, I do apologize for my colleague's short-sightedness, Mrs. Stark."

"No, you don't." If anything, he did an admirable job of disguising his glee. "You want him to hang himself."

Merritt frowned.

"You want him to alienate us so you can make it clear to the powers that you are the only one capable of getting me on the stand to answer those questions. It's a game of political capital." With that, she flicked a look to Price. "You, on the other hand..."

"...are a jackass and a bully," Steve finished for her.

"You resent the fact you have to make nice with someone you don't think deserves the time of day," Tony leapt into it without once glancing up from his phone. "You don't want Ross prosecuted. While you don't admire what he did, you're just irritated he got caught without taking us down with him."

Price opened his mouth, but Natalia wasn't done.

"You both seem concerned that the video evidence of torture isn't compelling because I didn't respond to the pain in a manner you believe presents the best optics. Because normal people scream and cry when they hurt."

Of course, they did.

Normal people weren't born and trained in the Red Room.

"Then you see the problem," Merritt began, but she didn't let him finish. She had one shot of making her point.

The boys were about to be annoyed with her.

"No," Natalia said as she slipped the knife into her hand. A second later, she stabbed herself right through the back of her left hand and into the tabletop without flinching or reacting. "I don't. You see...pain can be compartmentalized."

Both attorneys hit their feet at the action, but Natalia just studied them. Steve put a hand on her forearm, locking her in place gently while Tony pulled out a handkerchief. Irritation rolled off them in waves. At Tony's nudge, she nodded and Steve yanked the blade out smoothly while Tony wrapped her hand. It stung. The muscle ached. She'd aimed deliberately between the bones. The tendons would heal and so would the skin.

Natalia didn't have to imagine the reactions she'd get when they had some privacy. The fact they played right along warmed her though. Hand wrapped, she leaned back in her seat and Steve offered her the blade back after he cleaned it and then settled his hand on her thigh.

The attorneys--all of them--stared at her, mouths open still in shock.

"So now that we've cleared that up," Tony said, glancing at his watch. "You have two minutes left. What else do you want to know?"

Neither spoke. Price actually looked ill.

"Then we're done?" Steve asked after thirty seconds of the silence.

"No," Merritt said slowly. "I'd like a chance to set up a time to go over all of your testimony. I understand you've had a long night... and you have been more than accommodating on multiple levels." He looked a little green but pressed on regardless. Natalia's estimation of him climbed a notch. "If you would be willing, I will submit a list of questions to your attorneys so you can go over them, review it with your attorneys, then we can set up a time for a deposition--if," he continued, holding up a hand as though to ask for patience, "if Secretary Ross's attorneys move forward with adding you to the witness list."

"They haven't yet," Tony said. "You're aware of this?"

"I am," Merritt told them when Price continued to remain silent. "The issue is that they will wait until the eleventh hour and call her as a rebuttal witness."

Natalia arched a brow.

"And once you're on the stand, Mrs. Stark, they'll press every advantage they have and ask you every single question they can."

"That's if they can get her on it," Tony said idly.

"Are you saying she would refuse to testify?" Oh, look, Price found his voice. He scrubbed a hand over his sweaty face. "That could leave her in contempt of court."

"Pfft, I've been in contempt of Congress, I'm not too worried about it." Tony and Steve stood at the exact same moment. Like they'd planned it. Maybe they had. "We're done. Send the list of questions to my attorneys, they will vet them. You will receive an appointment when and if Mrs. Stark agrees to answer them and not a second beforehand."

"This isn't done," Price said, but Steve had already circled the table and he clapped a hand on the man's shoulder. The grimace said it was a lot more force than was necessary.

"You're right. I'd like to have a discussion with both of you. Tony, would you like to take Natasha up?"

"I don't mind if I do, Cap. Thanks for asking." He offered Natalia his arm and she turned in the chair even as James pulled it out. Rising, she met James' cool look and winked. The corners of his mouth didn't twitch and she could practically hear his scolding.

"Add it to my tab," she murmured, squeezing his arm once. He gave her the barest of nods before she let Tony guide her to the elevator. Merritt stepped into their path, then withdrew hastily. "Mr. Merritt."

She ignored Price.

He didn't deserve her attention.

With a light touch, she trailed her fingers across Steve's back. "Thanks, Steve."

He cut her a look and she had to bite back the grin at the promise that he'd be adding it to his tab, too. Good.

They all needed something to look forward to.

The elevator doors opened right on cue and she and Tony strolled right through them. As soon as they closed, he turned on her.

"What the hell, Red?" He glanced at her hand. "I swear to God if the words, 'I'll heal' come out of your mouth, I'll take the risk and spank you myself."

She grinned. "Promise?"

He glared at her. No play at all in his dark eyes.

Fine.

"It proved a point," she told him. "It also answered the question about how I can survive torture without response. If they put me on the stand and need a demonstration, they'll get one."

He damn near sneered and then his whole demeanor shifted from furious to worried in a blink. "What the hell happened tonight when we were gone? The crime scene. What happened?"

Natalia stepped out of the elevator and headed for the sofa, but he caught her arm and tugged her toward the stairs and up them. He was heading for his first aid kit. When he gave her a nudge to sit, she perched on the edge of the bed and waited. The dull throb in her hand was negligible.

"I didn't hit anything vital," she told him. "Steve also pulled it straight out." One reason she hadn't had a problem with him doing it."

"Yeah, I don't care," Tony said from the bathroom. The cabinet door slammed before he stalked back out with his kit. He dragged an ottoman closer to the bed and perched in front of her. "Hand."

Hand in his, she said nothing as he unwrapped the handkerchief. The bleeding had already turned sluggish. The skin angry red around the wound. When he turned her hand over to look at her palm, he scowled. It wasn't as ferocious as the one on the back of her hand, but then she'd only driven the tip through her palm not the width of the blade.

"Talk to me, Red, what happened?"

"We should wait for James and Steve, they're going to want to know, too." And she didn't particularly want to talk about it.

"Okay," he said slowly as he used antiseptic to clean her hand. "Are you sure you hit nothing vital?"

"I promise. It's a flesh wound, for the most part, it'll..."

He glared at her and she smiled before cupping his cheek with her free hand.

"It  _ will  _ heal. I know that's not the point, but it will. Thank you for playing along down there."

"Uh huh," he said, eyeing her as he rewrapped her hand. "I'm not happy about this."

"I know." She waited for him to finish before she shifted to straddle his lap and looped her arms around his neck. "Do you want to take your chances and try to spank me now?"

The anger in his expression lost any chance at holding its ground as the corners of his mouth twitched. The fight against smiling entertained her, particularly because it all had broken through the dark mood gripping him. Stroking her fingers through the hair at his nape, she sighed when he finally closed his arms around her and pulled her close.

Forehead to hers, he groaned. "You kill me sometimes. We came back with a great plan and we were handling them, then you stab yourself through the fucking hand."

"I made a point."

His second groan was more pained than the first. "Okay, I may not spank you for the stabbing, but puns are forbidden."

"You know that just makes me want to do it."

"I know."

Then he chuckled and one of the fists inside of her relaxed. "Was it bad?" she asked, aware of the answer. "I got a lot of it over comms and on the monitors, but you were there."

"I hate that we don't know what's going on."

That she understood.

"I hate more that it feels like we're walking into a trap and I can't figure out where the tripwires are or what circuit to cut before it blows."

Natalia kept her nails light as she stroked the back of his head, he closed his eyes and tightened his arms around her.

"I hate when I'm not sure what the next move needs to be."

"We know the next move," she murmured and waited for him to look at her. The tired in his eyes was real.

"Investigate. Assess. Hypothesize. Investigate."

"Throw a party," she said and the tension in his expression froze before a genuine laugh escaped him.

"Right. Party." He swore and tilted his head back to stare at the ceiling like he was gathering his strength. When he looked at her again, she kissed him. It started off slow and gentle, just a brush but then his hands came up to capture her face and hold her still. When he tilted her head gently, she let him control it and the minute she stroked her tongue across the seam of his lips, he opened up to let her in.

Need burst through the kiss, need and strain, worry and longing, anxiety and relief. His heart hammered, his pulse racing beneath her fingertips as he nipped and sucked at her lips and her tongue. The brush of his goatee tickled, but it was the way he leaned his whole body into the kiss that she savored.

When he dragged his head up, he was panting and the erection beneath her ass was a firm reminder of how invested he was in the embrace.

"Party," he murmured. "Did I mention I had some ideas for it?"

"Whatever you want," she told him and his eyes lit up. "Within reason."

"Aww..." But his pout lasted a split-second before he kissed her again. When he stood abruptly, he banded an arm under her ass to keep her there and then they were tumbling onto the bed and he leaned into the kiss the slow grind of his hips on hers a treat.

"Boss," Friday said almost apologetically. "Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes are on the way up."

With a groan, he tore his mouth from hers and buried his face against her throat. She ran her hand down his back and cradled him.

"I don't suppose that blow job is still on the table." His voice was muffled against her throat.

She chuckled. "Not sure we have enough time."

"I don't know," Tony grumbled. "At the moment, you put a hand on me, I'm likely to blow like a fourteen-year-old who just discovered how to wank. Then again, I was eleven my first time, I always was precocious. Still didn't have any damn stamina."

Laughter bubbled up through her. His grin was damn near wolfish when he lifted his head.

The shadows of the day slid back. He did that for her. They all did. They grounded her here and now, reminded her what was good and right and...

"...like that, did you?" he teased even as the sound of the elevator's ding carried. Mischief filled his eyes and Natalia shook her head as he let out a loud groan. "Dammit, Red. You can't just throw me down and have your way with me. What would Cap say?"

"He'd ask why you were complaining." Steve's droll voice came from the doorway a minute later and James was a half-step behind him. Both of them were staring at her. "Then he'd ask why the hell you were rewarding her for stabbing herself through the hand."

Tony made a face at her. "Ut oh. Someone's in trouble."

"I can handle it," she said with a wink as he rolled off her and they both looked at Steve and James.

Arms folded, James just stared at her and she dragged herself up to sit. Steve's expression wasn't much better.

She really was in trouble.

The laughter escaping her probably wasn't helping her case, but... she didn't fight the simple joy of having all three of them right there and united.

Even if they were pissed at her.

Like she said, she could handle it.

"Who wants to go first?"

At Steve's  _ look _ , she grinned wider and he rolled his eyes.

"You are impossible."

"No, she's a brat," James argued, but his tone turned fond if exasperated. 

Tony snorted. "She's Red. It's not like we didn't know what we were getting into."

This was also true.

Steve held out his hand. "Let's debrief. Short. Then everyone sleeps."

"Stay up here tonight," Tony invited. "All of you. Even if you guys sleep in the guest room downstairs. There's plenty of room in here but not everyone may be comfortable with that."

It was a hell of a concession and Natalia glanced at Tony. Not just inviting them to stay, but offering to let them be where he slept. Where he was vulnerable.

"We'll figure it out," Steve said, agreeing as he wrapped his arm around her and then pulled her close. He needed the hug, but then so did she.

That was how they would solve all of this.

They would figure it out.

  
  


  
  
  
  



	43. Bleed It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nat and the guys lay plans to get their house in order

**Chapter Forty-Three**

_ Bleed it Out _

**Natalia/Natasha**

Their debrief took longer than Steve intended, but they wanted to hear about the crime scene. Natalia kept it clinical and detached. The look in James' eyes warned he didn't believe her. Steve didn't even pretend to think she was detached. Tony, on the other hand, seemed puzzled. "You work street investigations?"

"I do a lot of things," she told him, meeting his questioning gaze.

The corner of his mouth kicked a little higher. "You're also one of the most cryptic people on the planet. You want to elaborate or do I need to learn a secret password?"

Steve hid a smile and James chuckled. They were not helping.

"No password, just—you know I take side jobs. I have for years."

"Yes." The earlier weariness in his expression had been replaced by his boundless curiosity. The need to know kept him awake almost as much as his demons did.

Something else they shared in common...

"You know what, this will just be easier if we do this a different way."

Which was how the four of them ended up at her safe house in Queens. Tony scoffed at her when he realized she had another place  _ this _ close to the Tower. "You have a personal grudge against my space, Red?"

She flicked his ear and he grinned. "I had this place before you renovated your Tower, Shellhead."

"Fine, I'll let you skate on this one. The shithole you had in Hell's Kitchen on the other hand is still a sore point."

Natalia rolled her eyes as she led them down to the safe room below and the vault where she kept the weapon's locker and her research.

It took less than a minute to code the door for Tony. His reaction to his own tech amused her. The weapon's locker captured his attention nearly as much as it had James' when he first came here. The two of them began an immediate inspection.

Despite the fact it was nearly sunrise and none of them had slept, she suspected they might not. They were all wired. The return of the vessels, the bodies on the Chinese ship, the destruction of the Australian one, Coulson...

Coulson. She couldn't wrap her mind around that one.

Emotional involvement compromised everything. Steve slid his arms around her, tugging her back against his chest and she leaned into him. Before she could say anything though, her phone vibrated in her pocket.

He let out a near-silent sigh, tucking her more securely against him as she pulled out the phone. James and Tony were arguing about the security protocols on the lockers. Eventually, they would get to why they'd come out here but at the moment it was kind of endearing to see them batting ideas back and forth.

Marcus' number flashed on her screen.

Pressing answer, she lifted it to her ear. "Hello, Marcus."

"Hey," he said, wry humor in his tired voice. "Twice in twenty-four hours, we're setting records."

"What's wrong?"

"I just wanted to tell you I spoke to the girl's family. We needed to request the dental records and a DNA sample for total confirmation." Grief laced his words and she ran her fingers over the back of Steve's hand. The bandage on her left hand hid the wound that was already healing. It ached but more like a bad bruise than anything. "They...they're hurting."

"They will," she told him. "But they have closure now. They aren't wondering where she is."

"I couldn't tell them what we found. Or even how she died." That was why he'd called. "How do you tell someone monsters took their kid?"

"The world is filled with monsters, Marcus. They already know a monster took her. That monster took her a long time ago. What you did was bring her back. Yes, they're going to hurt." Her parents would never get over that pain. Natalia would never not hurt over Mary. As much as it split her open, she wouldn't return to oblivion again. Having Mary and loving her was worth any amount of pain. "Just like you still miss your brother. Some days will be better than others, but at least they can begin to heal."

He sighed. "You know, I still can't believe you're a damn Avenger, a former spy and your whole...colorful history."

Steve stiffened against her, his arms tightening even as tension corded his muscles. He could hear Marcus' every word and he was bracing for a possible threat. The need he had to protect her used to amuse her endlessly. She was perfectly capable of taking care of herself and had on far too many occasions—at least according to him.

"Sorry to disappoint," she quipped. The conversation between Tony and James had ended and they were both zeroed in on her and the phone. James could probably hear the conversation as well as Steve. If she knew Tony, he had some way of listening.

If it wasn't adorable, she might be annoyed. They couldn't help it any more than she could resist indulging them—to a point. So far, it hadn't been worth haggling over and they were giving her as much space as possible.

"Ha," Marcus let out a strangled laugh. "It's not a disappointment in the slightest. Just weirds me out remembering when I thought you were just this cool cop who got me to spill my guts when I'd never trusted a cop a day in my life. Then I was convinced you had to be a witch because you don't age and you're still as hot as you were then."

The dead silence following that sentence made her smile as Steve pressed his lips into her hair and huffed laughter silently.

"And that was probably way more than you needed to know." Marcus cleared his throat. "Anyway, back to the more unpleasant stuff. You got time to listen or do you just want me to email you a report?"

"Do you need to talk about it?"

And his silence held an eloquence all his own.

"Tell me."

She leaned into Steve as Marcus briefed her. Tony and James settled in, their faces a study in contrasts and concentration. Tony's glasses flashed. Friday most likely digging into every morsel if not pulling the reports right from their systems.

The warehouse was exactly what she'd thought it was. A kill box. It catered to depravity. Likely a clientele that enjoyed actually torturing, maiming, and murdering their targets. Others were used just for sex—if it could even be called that. She'd seen the injuries on those girls. Auctions like that were held periodically and the locations changed.

She'd tracked similar deviants before. She could track them again.

The only problem was the years Maria spent between being first taken and ending her life in that place. How many of them had been tortured? Probably all of them. She'd like to say she could be hopeful or a wishful thinker.

She was neither.

Marcus kept talking, the lack of background noise around him told her he was either at home or in his car. Probably his car. Every detail was just another drop of poison he excised from his soul and she soaked it up.

The darkness was an old acquaintance and she wasn't afraid of what went bump in the night.

Sadly, she'd seen worse.

Tony had gone paler the longer the briefing went on and his jaw set in a hard line. James had turned to stone. Steve wasn't much better. They hated this. Probably hated she was so familiar with it because she could finish some of Marcus' thoughts.

At the end, he said. "And we have fuck all for leads. The place is tied up in shell corporations and lease agencies and basically supposed to be empty. I'm going to talk to the girls now—the survivors. We have them at the hospital, isolated and under security. There are counselors with them, too. I've got a couple of female detectives who'll take point. I don't see the need to scare them any more than they already have been."

"Breathe," she told him. "Stop somewhere and get a shower, change your clothes. Then get coffee and food. The leads won't get any colder or warmer if you take a minute. You don't want to walk into the hospital smelling like that place."

"Right. Fuck. Sorry..."

She let that go because some habits were ingrained. "Just remember when you're there, memorize the faces of those women you saved. Make sure you have them for when the nightmares start. Email me a copy of that report..." She flicked a look at Tony and he gave her an almost rueful smile. Yes, he had already snagged it. She gave him a careless shrug. It was fine. "I'll take care of the rest."

"I can't..."

"You're not asking me. I would never assume you were. Nor will I tell you what to do next. You can continue your investigation. Bring in the feds if you want, too. You do what you have to do, Marcus." She'd given him a promise the day before. She planned to continue it.

How many hours had they all been awake? Marcus included?

"Thanks, Nat," he said slowly, exhaling. "Thank you for everything. What I said yesterday. It stands."

"Ditto."

Then there really wasn't anything else to say. "Talk to you when I talk to you."

"I'm here if you need me." Then the call ended and she didn't even get the phone fully lowered before Steve spun her around and his mouth descended on hers. The kiss didn't silence her so much as hold her captive. The gentle force demanding all of her attention even as it conveyed his concern. A concern he echoed when he lifted his head.

"You are  _ not _ putting yourself up on some auction block to get at these bastards. We will find another way."

"Is that your final answer?" she dared him, eyebrows raised and he didn't flinch.

"Yes, it is. I meant it when I said I was done with shit hurting you, that includes  _ you _ ." He flicked a look at her hand then back at her. "This isn't stabbing yourself through the hand. This is walking into hell."

Her heart fisted.

"And if you don't plan on listening to Stevie," James said quietly. "You'll listen to me."

"I won't even try to discuss it, Red. But don't think I won't low-jack you just in case you decide to go for it anyway." He slid his hands into his pockets. "I'm totally ready for the fight, too. So no spy whammy attempts and Friday won't side with you on this, either."

Tipping her head back, she met Steve's stare, then glanced at James and finally, Tony. "You do realize that sooner or later, I'm back in the fight, right? Whether it's an off-books mission, an alien invasion, or ships disappearing in the night. I'll be out there and I'll be doing what I do?"

Shoulders relaxing a fraction, Steve said, "I know, Angel. We all do. Doesn't mean I want you tackling a mission like this. I'm not questioning your capabilities or your will or your spirit. These bastards absolutely need to be put in the ground."

In the ground, not arrested. Not stopped.

Killed.

She nodded once.

"Doesn't mean you're going to play bait, Natalia. It works. We know. But I've watched you do it too many times."

"And I've been on the receiving end of it," Tony reminded her. "And I've had to watch you on the far side."

All fair arguments.

"If there is no other option that gets us what we need to know," she told them, meeting their gazes without flinching. "I'll do what I have to do. There will always be more. I've stopped operations like this before. I've torn them apart. Gutted them from the inside out, trust me when I tell you I'm a bitter pill to swallow."

Tony snorted, but James gave her a small if sad smile.

"If we can't find another way, we'll revisit this. Until then, no, my first plan is not to walk in there as a captive to be broken until they put me on the auction block."

All three of them released breaths so relieved guilt twisted at her.

"Trust me, guys."

"We do," Tony said. "You know we do, Red. We also know you."

"I have a lot more to live for," she reminded them. What the Red Room trained her for and conditioned her for and how she'd lived for decades didn't stand up in the face of the family she'd built first with James and now with Steve and Tony. With Peter. With Wanda. With Clint.

She'd fought and bled for them. She wasn't going to risk it unless there were no other options.

Gradually, the bubbling tension in the room eased. Gradually. But it lingered. It would probably linger for a while. The look Tony gave her was the same he'd had in his eyes when he'd found her in the Mandarin's prison cell. Desperation. Sadness. Anger. Determination.

Men.

James and Steve were much the same, but she understood what James saw. The same things she did.

They'd been taken away from each other too many times. Steve had lost everything.

"Okay, enough of this." She gripped Steve's face and gave him a hard kiss before she moved to James and gave him an equally firm and loving brush of her lips on his. He braced her hips and opened to her easily. The past and the hurt were still too fresh to focus on long if she had any hope of keeping her head.

Right now, they needed her to keep her head. Keep her eye on what was happening. Keep their minds engaged.

When he let her go, she turned to Tony and he grunted as though he planned to get back to work, half-turning away. Catching his shirt, she tugged him lightly and he turned to look at her. A faint grin hinted around the corners of his eyes and then...

"Planning to kiss me into submission?" The droll and dry teasing remark made her snort.

"You wish," she said with a wink then bopped him on the nose. She didn't even make it one step before he hauled her back and kissed her. Sometimes, the push and pull with Tony was fun. Sometimes it was pure sport. But times like now? It was necessary to knock him out of that dark headspace he could descend into without much effort.

He and Steve both had one thing desperately in common that so often put them at odds.

They held themselves responsible for everyone.

When Tony nipped her lower lip before he lifted his head, he nodded. "That worked. I'm all submissive now."

Natalia wasn't the only one snorting. James actually bumped his shoulder, then nodded to the pinboard with all of its photos. Explaining it took no time, but Tony had questions. Then he asked if he could wireframe it. He wanted to import the data and get Friday to work on the connections.

"I'm going to guess you want to do this with all of them?" Natalia asked and Steve slanted a look at her.

"All of them?"

"I have more."

James lifted his hand to wrap her nape as he rested his forehead to her hair. "Kotyonok."

She smiled. "I'm an overachiever."

That made Tony laugh.

They debated the different ways of consolidating the information even as Natalia focused on Maria's photograph on the wall.

Maria.

Mary.

_ Don't go there, Natalia. _ The mental order helped, not much, but it helped. Tony distracted her when he wanted access to her computer and had already started hacking his way in before he asked for the password.

Steve headed out to get them food and to make coffee. James set to work on cleaning weapons and Natalia sighed. She could really get used to this. A part of her wanted to, a part of her savored it and another part of her was taking a step back. They needed to assess...

The sound of footsteps on the stairs had her turning. Steve had  _ just _ left. But two people descended the steps.

"I'm not feeling the love, Nat, you steal away with your boys on some secret mission to a safe house and don't include me?" Clint tsked as he sailed into the room, a pair of bags in hand. He paused as he caught sight of the board and whistled. "Now I know why."

"Clint brought coffee," Steve announced as he followed him into the room. "And breakfast."

"But I'm holding yours hostage," Clint informed her. "Because we need to have a little chat."

Natalia raised her brows at the hint of snippiness in his tone. "Laura ignoring your calls again?"

His eyes narrowed. "That was low."

"Well, if I'd asked if she were hanging up on you, that would be low. Do you need me to tell you how to do that thing with your tongue again?"

Steve turned but not before he was grinning and Tony let out a laugh as he raised his hand. "I'd like to know how to do that thing with your tongue."

Natalia winked at him. "We'll discuss it later."

"Yay!" He looked pleased and took the coffee from Steve before he swiveled to face the computer again. "You're also getting an upgrade for this place. This system is like ten years old."

Natalia rolled her eyes, but Clint gripped her arm. "Excuse me, folks, I'm stealing my best friend."

Three voices said in unison, "Borrow."

He shot her a look then rolled his eyes as she laughed. "Fine, I'm borrowing her on an extended-release." He dropped one of the bags with Steve then snagged a coffee for him and Steve pressed coffee into her hand as she let Clint all but manhandle her out of the room and up the stairs.

They didn't stop on the first floor, he continued right up to the second and down the hall to where the master bedroom was. "You soundproofed this right?"

He didn't wait for her answer as he shoved the door open and then waited for her to go inside.

"What's wrong?" Natalia asked as soon as he shut the door.

Leaning against the door, Clint eyed her and Natalia raised her brows. After the last forty-eight hours, very little would surprise her.

"Phil called Laura."

Except that.

Anger struck a match inside of her.

"Laura ripped him a new asshole then hung up on him."

It was one thing to chase them.

"I want to move them now."

Natalia nodded. "What do you need?"

"Currently, to throttle the son of a bitch. What the fuck is he doing?" The anger in his eyes couldn't hide the betrayal.

"He wants to make amends, " Natalia told him, then sipped her coffee.

"By reaching out to Laura?" Rage discolored every word, though you'd have to know him to hear it. He didn't tremble with rage or smash his fists against the wall though his knuckles had gone white. "By calling  _ my wife _ like it was any other fucking day of the week and  _ chatting _ with her about how she and the kids are doing?"

Natalia seriously doubted that was all Laura said. "She ripped into him, didn't she?"

"She's angrier than I am. She waited until this morning to tell me because she didn't want to worry me on the op."

Natalia sat on the corner of the bed and tilted her head back. "May was at the crime scene I went to."

"Fuck."

She shrugged. She'd left that part out when she'd told the guys about it. Not deliberately. Versus what went down at the crime scene, May's presence hadn't been important...yet.

"Let me guess, she wants us to hear him out?"

Natalia shrugged. "I don't know what she wants to be honest and I don't care. She and Phil were always close."

The first wasn't entirely true, but the second definitely was.

"He's trying to antagonize you into speaking to him," she pointed out. "He knows your weak points."

He knew hers, too. Then as if reading her mind, Clint snorted. "Yours have changed. I wouldn't doubt that he's off his game because of you and Tony."

May had brought Tony up and Natalia smiled slowly. "He should know better than to play this game with me."

Clint pushed away from the door and set the food bag on the bed before taking a seat on the other end. "What's the plan?"

"Depends on what you want to do." The number of balls they had in the air never really changed.

"I want Maria to have never told us he was alive."

"No, you don't." On some level, she was glad he was alive and maybe in time she could work past the betrayal.

Maybe.

He scowled. "Yes, I fucking do. We're in a good place. We don't need him and he clearly didn't need us."

Taking a long sip of coffee, she considered it.

"Now that the cat's out of the bag, he's chasing us like a high school junior determined to get a date for senior prom." Disgust and anger wrapped around each syllable. But those were a smokescreen, a deflection. He was angry. Phil's choices had disgusted him. Yet, the hurt beneath it all had her considering all the ways she could make the various parties pay.

Clint had  _ never _ deserved this kind of pain.

"I really wish that had the same meaning to me it does to you." The corners of her lips twitched and while she wasn't looking at him directly, it was near impossible to miss the flash of a smile that vanished nearly as soon as it appeared. Teasing him from a darker mood wasn't always easy. She didn't think he needed teasing from this mood though, he needed action.

After taking a long swallow of the coffee like he was knocking back a shot, he let out a sigh. "Not killing you was one of the best calls I ever made."

"I like to think so," she agreed with him and when she slid a look at him sideways, the wry grin on his face grew. "Not that you haven't debated that a few times over the years."

Plucking the food from between them, he slid over and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Then he pressed a kiss to her temple. "Never seriously," he promised. They sat like that for a long moment before he added, "Don't ever let me think you're dead, Nat. Don't ever need to go so deep and so far, you leave me to mourn you."

"Never." It was not a hard promise to make. "First of all, you would hunt my ass down on principle."

"This is true."

"Second, that would be leaving you to manage the boys."

"Kill me," he said with a huff of laughter.

"Third, you'd make me apologize to Laura."

His shoulders shook, but his arm tightened. Natalia leaned into him. "Come with me to get this going? I need to get them out of that house and into the new place."

"Just bring them out here first, Friday can send a couple more of the legion to watch it, then we'll bring them and everything out." Natalia was already sorting out a list. The reception was literally right around the corner and they already had a long list of things to do.

Didn't matter. Laura and the kids came first.

He let out a harsh breath. "I can do that." They sat in silence, just leaning into each other and sipping coffee. "I talked to Wanda this morning."

The soft change in subject gentled her smile.

"She asked if she could call me Dad," he said slowly, wonder and wry amusement tangled together. "Turned all shy, like she was closer to Lila's age and kept shifting her feet like she wasn't sure if she shouldn't run as soon as she asked."

"Sometimes it's hard to ask for what we need." How long had it been before she'd been willing to admit to Clint she liked his hugs or needed him to check in? The first time he vanished on her and things went sideways during those first dreadful weeks in SHIELD custody, she'd damn near lost the fight.

Then she'd nearly stabbed Phil. Richardson had been working on 'deprogramming' her by laying in new commands. The memories flitted around each other, moths banging against the lightbulb. Natalia hadn't been able to pull the sticky string of what was real versus what wasn't apart.

Phil had wanted to take her to a session.

She hadn't wanted to go.

No, she refused to go. She hadn't seen Clint in days and Phil was taking her somewhere for what was essentially another treatment. Ice chunked in her veins...

"She told me she is going to call you mom."

The memories yanked backwards and she lifted her head so she could meet his gaze. "Yes."

"So does this mean we're sharing custody?"

"Obviously," Natalia told him. "Though I think she's old enough to decide on where she wants to be."

"You think your boy is going to have an issue with her calling you mom?" More of a glint entered his flat and angry eyes, easing some of the rawness from them.

"Why would Peter mind?"

"Well, if you haven't noticed, you've surrounded yourself with a bunch of possessive guys—including young Peter. But I was also thinking he and Wanda have been circling each other."

They'd done more than circle, but Natalia only gave him a mild grin. "Then it's just another reason for her to call me Mom."

He groaned. "They're too young for that."

Natalia shrugged. "On some levels, yes, on others? As long as they're safe, I won't say anything." Still, she'd talk to Peter first so it didn't blindside him. "Is Laura going to have a problem with it?"

It wasn't a serious question.

Clint snorted. "Nah, though she might give us grief for not naming her after Laur."

There was a downbeat. Then an upbeat.

The laughter was real and it helped to snap some of the chains binding them. He snagged the bag over and pulled out some breakfast sandwiches. Croissants stuffed with ham, egg, and cheese. Nothing fancy, but filling.

While they ate, he palmed his phone and sent messages to Laura. The whoop of sound as she answered and he replied punctuated the silence. There were a few of the croissant sandwiches in the bag and she finished two and drained her coffee before he finished his conversation.

"Why are we here, by the way?" He slid the phone away and gathered up their trash.

So, she told him about the crime scene. About Marcus. Maria. The bodies. And reading Tony into her extracurriculars and the cases she still followed.

"You know he won't leave it alone," Clint warned. "Now that he knows this is important to you, he'll throw his resources at it."

"I know," Natalia said. "But I trust him."

Just like that.

"He needs me to trust him. I need to not compartmentalize everything away from them. I brought Steve and James here a few weeks after we were all back in New York. To...try and be transparent." It had been a choice then. Just as it was now.

After studying her for a long moment, Clint smiled. "Do those idiots have any idea how lucky they are?"

Natalia shrugged as she stood, then bopped him lightly on the nose. "I'm the lucky one. Now, tell me the plan." But before he could answer, her phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out.

**May:** _ We still on for today? I go off shift in an hour, thought I'd grab a nap before I head to Midtown, or were you coming here? _

Dresses.

Yes.

Clint raised a brow because he could read the message as easily as she could.

Another conversation that needed to be tackled.

Her phone buzzed even as she debated the schedule.

**Pepper** :  _ I'm heading back to the city today with Rhodey. He's insisting I stay at the Compound or the Tower. Is the Tower alright with you? _

Natalia touched the comm in her ear, "Friday?"

"Yes, Nat?"

"Can you make arrangements to send a car to pick up May Parker and bring her to the Tower? Open up a guest floor for her? Also, set up one for Pepper and make sure Rhodey's floor is ready to go and then they can just decide where she wants to be?"

"I'll take care of both."

**Natalia:** _ May, I'm sending a car for you. Come to the Tower now while it's early, take a nap and then after lunch we can tackle picking out the dresses and talking. I can have a car pick up Peter after school, too, if you want. _

**May:** _ I'd say I don't want to impose, but I do want to talk and I'm not too shy to admit I'm looking forward to seeing the inside of the Tower. _

Natalia chuckled.

"The car is en route, Nat. Twenty minutes to pick up. I'll send a message to Mrs. Parker with the details when the vehicle is closer."

"Thank you, Friday."

**Natalia:** _ Then consider it done. Friday will let you know when the car is there. I'm not at the Tower at the moment, but I'll be there soon. _

May sent back an acknowledgement.

Tabbing over to Pepper's message, she sent:  _ You're welcome anywhere you want to be. _

**Pepper:** _ Thank you. I want to make sure everything is ready for the reception. A lot to tackle. _

**Natalia:** _ I'm here if you want to talk. _

**Pepper:** _I know. I appreciate it. See you in a few hours._

The number of balls in the air kept increasing.

Marc Kumar was still on their list.

Now the warehouse.

Phil.

Missing ships.

The case against Ross.

The attorneys.

Pepper.

May.

Peter and Wanda.

The reception.

Somewhere in all of this, the Accords.

And she needed to up her training.

But she needed to carve out time for Tony. They were dancing slowly around each other, giving Steve and James time to acclimate. They were all trying, learning to find a balance.

Their new normal.

A shiver chased up her spine and Clint raised his brows. "We good?"

Laura and the kids were on that list.

"Just thinking about all the things we need to do."

Clint nodded. "Should make us miss when things were simple. Go, take out the target, come back, drink, hang out, wash, rinse, repeat."

Natalia snorted. "I adore you, but I wouldn't trade what I have right now for anything."

_ Except Mary _ . That little voice stealthed out and whispered in her ear. Not that it would ever be possible.

A slow grin curved his lips. "Happy looks good on you, Kid."

"I look good in everything," she deadpanned and Clint threw his head back, the first real laugh of the day escaping him.

"Yes, you do. Okay, let's go tell your boys what's going on and make a plan."

Plans were good.

The three in question were in the living room talking when they descended the stairs. James' gaze riveted on her the moment she came into view. The sweep of his assessment passed over her and when they locked gazes, she merely raised a brow.

He just wanted to know she was okay. Natalia understood that.

Wordless care filled those eyes. The affection, love, and yes, even lust, that crept into all three of their gazes steadied her.

No, she wouldn't trade this for anything.

"We've got a couple of new wrinkles," she said before picking her way over to sit, perching on the arm of the chair Tony had claimed and bracing a foot next to Steve as James moved in to close the circle with Clint.

Tony quirked a brow. "I prefer to call them laugh lines, but we can go with wrinkles if we're talking about the old man over there." He nodded toward Steve, sagely. "He could use a little gray, not all of us look as distinguished as I do."

Laughter erupted from all of them and it helped deflate some of the tension.

Not for long.

Especially not after they told them about Phil reaching out to Laura. About Melinda May being at the crime scene.

They needed a plan.

Steve scrubbed a hand over his face. "Buck, can you go with Clint to get the family?" He shot a look at Natalia. "You're going to want to be here for May and Pepper."

She nodded. "Peter will be coming to the Tower after school, too."

Pulling everyone in.

Keeping them closer.

At least for now.

"Tony, we'll go to the house and get the security upgrades finished?" Steve scratched at his beard. If they were moving Laura and the family, they wanted everything in place.

"Shouldn't take long," Tony said. "Get Sam and Sharon working on the ship data?"

"I'll call Stephen," Natalia said. "The bodies still need to be autopsied and we need to know as much as we can. I can also reach out to T'Challa and see if he can help me put pressure on the Chinese."

Raking a hand through his hair once, James asked, "Should we reconsider the reception? Your Coulson may make a move to use the event to force a conversation."

It was always a risk.

"I'll put Maria on him," Natalia said. "I'm actually surprised we haven't heard from Nick." Then again, he would be more likely to show up at the reception than Phil. Or maybe they both would and then it would be a reunion.

"We're not canceling it," Tony said, shooting her an apologetic look. "Or at least, I would prefer not to, Red. You deserve a party. I deserve to throw it for you. We need to show the world we mean business. All of us."

Natalia ruffled his hair. "You just want to show off."

"Well, yes." No sense in denying it.

She smiled. "We take precautions, we identify, assess, and plan. But we get our civilians into safe positions." More readily defended ones. Then she locked gazes with James. "And we have to tell May and make sure Peter knows what's going on."

He nodded once, no question. No argument.

No more ambushes for their family.

"Besides," she said slowly. "You're all going to be in such lovely suits and I get at least one dance with each of you, right?"

Laughter swelled through the room. It couldn't quite chase away the shadows, but it did shove them back. Tony linked his fingers with hers and traced the wedding band and engagement rings he'd placed there. "I'm going to throw this out there," he said. "We get shit settled, then we're taking vacations. We're putting those on the schedule. The world is always going to go sideways."

Steve nodded. "We're always going to answer."

"Agreed," James said and Clint gave her the most adorable smirk as he shook his head. "We're making time for us."

"I'm down," Natalia said easily. "But my training is back on." She pointed a finger at Steve, then James. "I expect sparring to increase."

"Done."

"Hey," Tony said. "What about me?"

"Don't worry, moy umnyy," she told him and gave his hands a squeeze. "I have plans for you."

He paused, studying her and then looked at the guys. "Did that sound like a threat to you guys, too? That sounded like a threat. She's going to kick my ass. I can see it now."

More laughter rippled through the room and Natalia caught Steve's gaze as he glanced from where Tony held her hand up to meet her eyes. She raised her brows and the corners of his mouth curved and there was a distinct absence of shadows in his eyes.

"Just remember, Angel. We have a date."

A shiver traced its way up her spine. She wasn't likely to forget.

Not again.

Not ever.

"Then we have a plan."

James cocked his head to look at Clint. The two shared a wordless nod.

They had a plan.


	44. The Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> May and Natasha have an overdue chat.

**Chapter Forty-Four**

_ The Story _

**May Parker**

The car arrived as promised, along with a text message that included a photograph of the driver, his name, and his driver's license number. Apparently Natasha did not take chances or risks. May appreciated the effort. She'd texted Peter to let him know a car would be picking him up today, too.

His quick, "Nat told me," in response made her smile. Peter's rapidly growing fondness for Natasha exceeded even hero worship. The drive to midtown passed uneventfully. A second text from Natasha indicated that she had arrived back at the Tower and awaited her. They had a few hours before Peter would be done for the day.

May was both looking forward to and dreading her arrival at the Tower. This time with Natasha was long overdue. But some questions, no matter how much they burned, needed to be asked. The driver took her all the way into their private garage. As promised, Nat waited for her when the car pulled up.

Taking a deep breath, she girded herself. This conversation was a long time coming. It might still be in the offing, but she'd seen Peter's reaction when Natasha had been hurt in Los Angeles.

At least she didn't have to fake smiling, she was genuinely happy to see her. Except... "Have you gotten any sleep?" she asked searching Natasha's face as she slid the messenger bag strap over her shoulder and collected the pair of overnight bags she'd brought. Natasha took the other from her hand.

"Probably about as much as you did," Natasha told her lightly. "You just worked a pair of doubles back to back, right?"

"Guilty," May admitted. The driver pulled away as Natasha guided her inside. She was surprised she was alone, then again, she was also grateful for it. Tony was a handful on a good day. Steve Rogers made her nervous—the fact he was that handsome and earnest and just so big he seemed to fill up the room made it hard enough to focus.

As for Sergeant Barnes—she had questions and he made her nervous for other reasons.

"As for sleep," Natasha said. "I learned a long time ago how to get by on a little if I had to and I've had a great deal the last few weeks."

All in all, May gave her a once over while trying not to look like she was giving her a once over. To be honest, she did look healthy. The barest hint of shadows touched beneath her eyes, but she also didn't wear a trace of cosmetics. It wasn't fair.

"Problem?" Natasha asked as they stepped into the elevator. "My floor please, Friday."

She gave her a short shake of her head and then let out a huff of laughter. "Actually, I was just thinking that it's dramatically not fair that you look fantastic even without the cosmetics or sleep and I haven't left the house or the hospital without concealer on in ten years."

Eyebrows raised, Natasha surprised her when she laughed. Genuine humor and warmth infused the sound. "Trust me, I've looked much worse. I just don't need to hide the bruises."

And just like that, guilt slammed into May. Granted, her envy had been more humorous than anything else. Still, she'd also seen some of the injuries the other woman took. The elevator doors opened with a ding before she could formulate an answer. It wasn't until Natasha set her bags down next to the sofa and headed towards the kitchen tucked behind a breakfast bar lined with three stools.

The open plan of the apartment still managed to seem cozy. May lowered the messenger bag onto the coffee table and gave herself a minute to look around. There were knickknacks—was it weird to think of the Black Widow with something as kitschy as knickknacks? Probably. She glanced toward the kitchen where Natasha filled the electric kettle with water.

Not so hard to imagine Natasha though.

Her gut tightened and she dragged her gaze back to the photographs tucked on the shelves. There were a couple of people she didn't know. One, she was pretty sure was Hawkeye, another Avenger with his arm around Natasha, they both had sunglasses on and unreadable expressions, but they were also both flipping each other off.

It was—adorable.

The scattering of photos included other Avengers from Tony to Captain Rogers to...

Peter?

It shouldn't surprise her. Part of why she'd agreed to this was the relationship that seemed to have swiftly bonded her nephew to not only Tony Stark, but now Natasha Romanoff—Stark, she amended mentally.

But the photos were of Natasha and Peter together, one had them dancing and Peter had the same panicked look he always got when he was terrified of messing up. The indulgence on Natasha's face couldn't be mistaken for anything else.

Maternal.

The second photo had May moving to pick it up. Maybe she shouldn't be poking around the other woman's things, but this was far more personal. Someone had taken a picture of the pair when they weren't paying attention to the camera. The animation in Peter's face lit him up. He'd always been a joyful boy even with all the tragedy he'd faced in his young life.

Ben had told her once that Peter's superpower was finding the bright side in the dark. To trust that instinct in him. Her heart fisted in her chest. She missed him. He'd know exactly how to handle this situation on all levels.

The adoration he wore as Natasha laughed at something he said told her it was already far too late to put any kind of safeties in place to shield him if this went wrong.

If she were honest with herself, it had been too late from the day Tony Stark appeared on her doorstep.

While she appreciated him, she sometimes wished she'd slammed the door in his face and kept him and the rest of the Avengers out of Peter's life.

The silence dragged at her and she glanced from the photograph to the kitchen where Natasha watched her, arms folded as she leaned against the counter. In all their interactions, she'd never seen the woman take a defensive posture. The way she stood now didn't seem like she was being defensive so much as braced.

Braced to deal with May and her disapproval.

"You said your floor," May began shying away from the other topic—for the moment. "Don't you and Tony share a residence?"

"The penthouse," Natasha told her easily. "But this floor has been mine for the last few years. When Tony renovated the Tower after the Battle of New York, he set up floors for each of us."

May nodded. "And now that you're married you keep it?"

Natasha shrugged. "It's always good to have your own space." Then... "Peter uses it more than I do now. But my dance studio is also here."

Dance studio.

She danced.

Setting the photo down, she turned over the information of Peter using this place. Were the photos Natasha's then or Peter's?

Maybe both.

"You're uncomfortable." The observation could have been an accusation or a slight, but it was neither. The rough sympathy there helped May exhale as she met Natasha's gaze. "Ask."

"Peter stays  _ here _ , on your floor?"

Natasha nodded once. "I have a second bedroom. Technically, I have a third, but it's more for storage at the moment and we may end up knocking it out entirely by the time Tony's done renovating a workroom and lab for Peter so he can have his own mad scientist's lair. Apparently, those are required."

She couldn't help it, she laughed. Amazement twined with awe at the fact these people had gone so out of their way to look after Peter and to fold him into their lives. There was no way to extract him. Even if she truly wanted to, she couldn't pull him away. Not only would Peter fight her, but she didn't doubt that Tony and Natasha would, too.

Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes, too.

"May," Natasha said. "You have more questions. And ostensibly, you're here to pick out a dress and we can get to that, but you and I should talk first."

"Yes," May agreed with her. "We should." She retrieved the messenger bag and carried it with her. Since Natasha was in the kitchen, May settled on one of the stools. Gathering up her courage, she focused as Natasha filled a teapot—an actual fucking porcelain teapot with boiled water. The set was older, a classic, and it was a lot more formal than May expected, but she didn't comment on it. It was just another item to add to the ever-growing list of Natasha's eccentricities.

Or maybe, just maybe, a window to the woman who was a notorious mystery for everyone else but someone Peter clearly adored. Liking her wasn't anywhere near as hard as May might have expected, still...

"I'm not going to dance around the subject. Your relationship with Peter was a concern for me."

Natasha hummed a sound of acknowledgement and spared her a nod. If the words concerned her, she didn't allow it to show for an instant. "I can understand that. Particularly after he told you about Spider-Man."

"That's just a whole other ‘what the fuck’ moment," May admitted.

Rough sympathy gleamed in Natasha's eyes as she set the tray on the breakfast counter between them. There was jam, sugar, lemon, and honey. "I have milk," Natasha said. "If you'd like. But you don't tend to use it that often in your tea."

May fixed her with a look. "That's not creepy at all that you know how I take my tea."

"Occupational hazard," Natasha admitted. "I know a lot of things about people." Yeah. Not creepy. Except...the twinkle in her eyes as Natasha began to smile had May scoffing.

"Peter," she said and Natasha inclined her head. A real laugh escaped her as May flattened her hands to the counter. "He wants us to get along."

"He loves you," Natasha told her with such genuine warmth and respect that May froze. "So very much. Almost as much as you love him. Yes, it's very important to him that we get along."

"He loves you, too," May said. She hadn't meant to just dive right in, but fuck it. She'd never cared for social games. Peter was not nor would he ever be a game.

"A fact for which I am profoundly grateful every, single day." The raw honesty stopped May's ferocity in its tracks. "It's because I love him and he loves both of us, that we need to talk."

"Okay," May said slowly. When Natasha offered to pour her tea, she nodded and motioned for her to continue. "We probably should have talked more when you came over Thanksgiving to tell me about his activities as Spider-Man." Before then really. Except...how the hell were they supposed to have this conversation?

"I was born in 1930," Natasha told her and May was glad the other woman was still holding the tea cup because May would have dropped it. "In Stalingrad, Russia. My given name is Natalia Alianovna Romanova."

Oh.

"I have no knowledge of my parents. I was raised in a program that eventually resulted in my becoming Black Widow."

Okay.

Natasha set the teacup in front of her.

"I have a version of the super soldier serum that gave Steve his longevity, strength, and speed."

Fuck.

"My service was not always pleasant and in the early 70s, I found out I was pregnant and I ran. James ran with me."

James.

Sergeant Barnes.

The last piece snapped into place.

"We managed to elude them for a couple of years and our daughter was born." Though she seemed to be choosing her words carefully, it was the wealth of information and all the things she wasn't saying that throbbed in time with May's heartbeat. "Unfortunately, not all good things last."

With care, she scooped jam into her cup with her tea. That was a Russian thing. Or maybe Eastern European. She'd tried it once and hadn't cared for it but she followed Natasha's actions almost numbly as she tried to process what she shared.

"After James was taken, I took my daughter and fled." She pursed her lips. While she could have kept the emotion shuttered, she seemed to be making an effort to open up. The matter-of-fact nature of reciting the facts shifted subtly as she exhaled. "I won't go into the details on any of that, but my daughter and I made our way here, to New York. We managed to have a semblance of a life together for another year and then I had to go, I had to try and find James and I knew it was only a matter of time before they sent him after me. I couldn't risk her being discovered."

To give her hands something to do, May slowly added some sugar to the tea.

"I left her in good hands and trusted he would love and raise her. Then...once I returned, they wiped me. The memory alterations and my own determination to protect her erased her from my mind. Kept her safe."

Fuck.

The spoon fell from May's nerveless fingers. It bounced against the counter, spattering her with tea and Natasha caught it before it could slide off to the floor. She set it down neatly then wiped up the mess.

"For the next few decades, I remained utterly unaware of her existence. A fact that continued to keep her safe as had been my plan."

"When did that change?" May finally found her voice.

"Last year when James remembered her and then...after the incident in Los Angeles. I'd already been working with a specialist or three to try and retrieve my broken memories."

"And you remember now."

Natasha nodded once.

May exhaled and then leaned forward on her forearms. "Mary was your daughter."

It was her turn to surprise the other woman. Well, if the faintest quirk to her lips and the barest twitch of a brow indicated surprise.

Maybe not.

"Yes."

"Peter's your grandson."

And on that one, Natasha exhaled. "Yes." The possessiveness in that single word offered May the last piece of the puzzle she needed.

It was time.

"Mary looked like you. I didn't see it at first," May admitted. "Maybe I didn't want to see it. But you have the same smile."

Natasha's eyelids flickered the barest motion. This woman has no damn tells. Doesn't matter. She pressed on.

"You both have the same sense of humor, though maybe I'm projecting that part." May drummed her fingers against the side of her teacup. Her nerves vibrated like someone dropped her inside of a damn bell. She'd intended to confront her, gently, but this—this ripped the Band-Aid off. "I've heard stories about you for so long that confirmation just makes me apply what I knew to what I know."

No reaction, but her eyes might have narrowed a fraction.

May opened the messenger bag and pulled out a heavily padded envelope. "Will Fitzpatrick—you're the woman he married. Natalie. The woman he thought died when a serial killer took her."

The softest of sighs. "I took out the serial killer, set up a body to look like me and be identified with me. I had to sever all ties. It was safer for them."

That was what Will had surmised. She'd grown close with Peter's grandfather the last few years of his life. Especially after Mary died. It had begun as a friendship fostered around their mutual care for Peter, but by the time he'd passed, it had evolved into a real family.

Pushing the envelope across the counter, she said, "He talked about you. A lot the last couple of years. Peter went to the storage room and the photo albums were gone, so I thought he might be suspicious. It was why I decided you and I should talk."

"He knows."

Of course, he did.

Natasha didn't touch the envelope, she kept her gaze on May. "He brought them to me after we got back from Wakanda." Her voice thickened there at the end. "He figured it out there when he was helping Tony. The blood that changed him, it was mine. Something they'd been experimenting on. The serum in my system—the one in James', it makes sense he inherited that from us through Mary."

Though Mary had never shown any special abilities that May had been aware of, she had been  _ incredibly _ healthy. Not in all the years she'd known her had she even had the symptom of a cold. And pregnancy had been smooth as silk for her, a fact May had once considered resenting. She hadn't been so fortunate in that area. But it was hard to resent anything that brought them Peter.

Peter knew.

That would take some adjustment. He knew and he hadn't said a word to her. Resentment flared but extinguished almost as soon as it was lit. Peter was protecting Natasha. Of course, he was.

"He wanted to tell you," Natasha told him. "I asked him not to. Not immediately because there are concerns about his relationship to me being public. I have  _ a lot _ of enemies."

"The Avengers have a lot of enemies," May told her drily. Not that it made her feel one wit better about it. "And I would imagine, Spider-Man is gathering a few of his own." And she wouldn't focus on that too closely.

"But he has the shield of the mask," Natasha told her lightly before she took a sip of her tea. "Shielding his identity is important. We're all making the concerted effort to keep him effectively behind that anonymity. He's already linked to Tony through his internship and that gives him a reason to be around us. But a blood relation? May I won't lie to you. There are people who would try to capture or kill him in a heartbeat if they knew who he was to me and that he has my DNA. There are more still who would do it if they knew he was Spider-Man."

That she'd already gathered. "That's horrifying."

Natasha nodded once. "I'll never let it happen to him." The promise of death and mayhem kissed every single one of those words. She believed her.

Then what she'd said earlier about Peter wanting to tell her... "You didn't trust me to know."

"Yes and no." Well, at least she didn't sugarcoat it. "Peter loves you. You clearly love him. Everything I researched about you tells me you're a good person. Meeting you confirmed that. But I knew all I really needed to know about you because of Peter."

It was a truly kind thing to say.

"But knowing is dangerous," Natasha said. "But what I told you didn't surprise you."

"It did and it didn't." She took a page from Natasha's book. "Will told me about you. Not a lot of details, but enough to know you were out there somewhere. He didn't think you remembered. Or if you did and you stayed away, you had to have a reason for it." The utter faith he'd possessed when he told her about that had floored May. She couldn't imagine how any mother would stay away from her child or grandchild if she remembered them.

So, she could hardly fault Natasha for her choices now that she had remembered.

"I'm not going to pretend to understand the age thing. Let's just not." Or that she was apparently old enough to be Tony's mother while now married to Tony and... "Sergeant Barnes..."

"James," Natasha said softly. "Yes, he is Mary's father."

And Peter's grandfather.

"I don't know him to judge," May said simply. "He makes me nervous but there was a lot of press about him."

"There was a lot of press about me," Natasha said, her tone mild.

"True. And that gave me pause because I recognized you—after New York. There was a single picture of you in the paper, in the background. Will had one he'd shown me—before he passed."

A shadow of grief passed through Natasha's eyes. If May hadn't been watching so closely, she didn't think she would have seen it.

"He was a good man," May assured her.

"I know he was."

Her gaze dipped to the envelope, then lifted to meet May's resolutely.

"He was one of the best. I will always regret the fact I couldn't tell him thank you for all he did for her and for Peter." And for me. Though she didn't say those last three words, May heard them and it made her blink back tears.

"Agreed." Picking up her own teacup, May eyed it and then Natasha. "Don't take this the wrong way, but do you have something stronger?"

A flicker of a smile creased her lips and Natasha turned to the freezer and retrieved a bottle of vodka. She poured a generous measure into her own tea and then offered it to May. That would work.

She drained all of it in one long swallow, the heat burned through her. When she lowered the teacup, Natasha nodded and moved to turn on the oven. It wasn't long before she was putting food together. There was something surreal about watching Natasha work in the kitchen. The fabled Black Widow. Notorious for her exploits. Now the wife of a billionaire. A superhero.

Peter's grandmother.

"You want Peter, don't you?" She refilled her teacup and added another shot of vodka to it. Who was she kidding, she added two.

"I don't want to take him from you," Natasha assured her and then slid a plate of cheese and fruit onto the counter. It had already been sectioned. "Eat if you're going to keep drinking like that. The rest of the food will take a bit longer."

May snorted, but she picked up a slice of apple. "So what do you want?"

"To love him," Natasha said simply. "To be a part of his life. But you are his family, too." Then she locked eyes on May. "That makes you mine to protect as well."

Whatever May had expected her to say  _ that _ was not it.

"James feels the same way. So do Tony and Steve. But to protect you, we could do two things. We could keep you in the dark—which Peter does not want because you mean the world to him and he doesn't want you to ever feel left out. Not again."

May swallowed the sudden lump in her throat and took another drink of the vodka-laced tea, sipping this time.

"Or we read you in, tell you everything you might not have ever wanted to know, but make sure you do understand the potential threats. As well as the fact, we would like to consider you our family."

The last asked permission even if the earlier statement made it clear that Natasha had made up her mind.

Running a hand over her face, May pondered all of it. "I can't say this is how I ever pictured this conversation going."

"Not a conversation that is easy to imagine." She put together what looked like a roast and seasoned it while they spoke, then she tucked it into the oven before she moved to pull out flour and other ingredients.

"Can I help?"

"Sit," Natasha waved her back to the chair. "Drink. Process."

May snorted. "It's going to take me longer than all the alcohol you have in that bottle."

"No it won't," Natasha said easily and May blinked at her.

"What?"

"I said it won't take you that long. You've already made your decision, you just need time to reconcile it with yourself because you're weighing what's good for Peter." She paused and eyed her a beat. "Thank you for always putting him first."

"I always will."

"I know."

On this, they were in perfect accord. Fuck, she was right. May propped her chin in her hand and sipped her tea as Natasha went to work making some kind of pastry thing. It wasn't long before she set that aside to rise and then went to work chopping vegetables.

It was all so ridiculously normal. They could just be any two women sitting around and chatting.

Except Natasha wasn't  _ normal _ .

But she was.

She was Peter's grandmother.

"What does Peter want?" May asked, not afraid of the answer.

"To have a family," Natasha said softly. "The same thing I want."

"Well, he never was a greedy boy even when he had every right to be." She downed the last of the tea and vodka, then straightened. Natasha eyed her as she arranged the potatoes in another long pan and then slid it into the oven to join the roast. The scents in the room were turning this place even homier.

Eventually, Natasha would ask her about the envelope. For now, she'd focus on what she would tell her. Peter was the grandson of the Black Widow and the Winter Soldier.

It was ironic and sad and wonderful all at once.

Before Natasha could say a word though, another reality crashed into her. "I'm so sorry you never got to know Mary," she whispered. "That day I told you I thought she would have liked you—I meant it. You remind me of her in so many ways."

Natasha wasn't looking at her, but she stilled so utterly May wasn't sure she was breathing. Then she gave a little nod without turning. "Thank you."

Withdrawing a step from that potentially raw nerve, May said, "Tell me what I need to know to help keep him safe. To keep you safe, too."

The silence elongated and May worried she'd gone too far with the offer of sympathy, but Natasha turned as she put the pastry back on the island and poured herself a full glass of vodka. No tea. After she slammed back the whole thing, she met May's gaze evenly.

"Friday?"

"Yes, Nat?"

"Widow's Web protocol safety net, please brief May Parker on all security measures for her apartment, the neighborhood, the school, and her workplace."

Oh.

Wow.

***

It was almost five when Friday interrupted to tell them Peter had arrived. Tony wanted to know if he needed to run interference or were they ready for him yet?

May had switched to coffee though after she'd done two straight shots of vodka. They helped loosen up the tension in her shoulders and gut following Friday detailing all the measures they had  _ already _ taken, including cameras on her door and sensors designed to detect sounds of  _ distress _ .

Oh and Karen.

She'd known about the AI in Peter's suit, sorta. But Karen also had overwatch at the apartment and could loop into Friday if necessary in order to let them know if there was trouble.

Apparently, there were also now bodyguards living in the apartment below hers. Mrs. Santini and her daughter had moved to Florida just before Thanksgiving and the apartment had rented quickly. She'd seen the roommates a couple of times.

They were cute.

But apparently, they were there just as a precaution.

"I keep thinking all of this security should make me feel safer," May had admitted after the second shot. "But now I'm worried about what it is you think might come for us."

"I worry about everything," Natasha had told her frankly. "I worry about it and plan contingencies so you don't have to. It may take a while for you to get used to it, but the measures have been in place for a while and you haven't noticed them."

No, she hadn't.

That made her want to take another drink and firmed up her decision to switch to coffee.

Natasha hadn't answered Friday yet, but instead, she studied May. "Before Peter comes up, do you mind if I ask James to join us?"

That was the question May had actually been waiting for and kind of dreading. "Of course, I don't mind," she said slowly, "I obviously need to get used to this...he's Peter's grandfather." Nope, that was never going to get easier to say aloud. Natasha didn't pressure, she just waited May out. There were freshly baked pastries cooling on the counter. The whole floor smelled of rich, savory meat, and a hint of lemon which had gone on the vegetables, roasting potatoes, and now a sweet treat.

Then she thought of his reaction when he'd looked at that photograph of Mary, Richard, and Peter at the apartment. The odd sense of longing in his detached gaze.

"No," she said much more firmly. "I don't mind. I owe it to him to get to know him and not let preconceptions rule our interactions."

Natasha's soft smile reminded her of Peter when he got his way but didn't want to crow about it. All the little clues were there, she just hadn't really focused on them. Though Natasha said nothing, the elevator dinged shortly a few moments later and James Buchanan Barnes emerged.

She had to focus on that. The Sergeant Barnes aspect. Not the terrifying Winter Soldier featured in the news after Washington and later Germany.

He'd fought Natasha in the streets. It had been in all the videos. He'd thrown her into a car for Christ's sake. But he wasn't just  _ that _ person, Natasha had stressed they'd both made choices to protect their child and eventually each other. While she wouldn't give more details, May trusted her.

Believed her.

Dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt, he was clean-shaven and his hair looked like it had been combed neatly. It was shorter than the last time she'd seen him.

"Mrs. Parker," he said politely, though his gaze tracked straight to Natasha and there was no mistaking the love in his eyes. Some of her resistance crumbled immediately.

"May," she insisted and rose to accept his outstretched hand. "Please. If we're going to be family, just call me May."

The charm in his sudden smile was so damn Peter though. And she'd seen the same ease in Mary. If she'd had even a shred of a question about whether he really was Mary's father it was gone now. "Family sounds good,  _ May _ . I'm Bucky."

Yet, Natasha called him James. She just filed that away for later. His hand engulfed hers but it was a gentle, almost kind handshake.

"It's good to meet you," she admitted. "For the second or third time now."

He laughed easily and nodded before moving into the kitchen and wrapping an arm around Natasha. He pulled her into him and she flowed right against him, returning the embrace as though they were meant to slot together neatly.

May studied them a beat. That wasn't just the familiarity of old lovers. Natasha was married to Tony but...

_ You know what, May. Not my circus. Not my monkeys. If she's got them both. Well, you go girl. _

Natasha met her gaze easily and then said, "You can ask. We don't advertise."

A snort escaped her before she could help it and Bucky raised his brows. May chuckled as she said, "Sorry, you're married to Tony Stark. You don't have to advertise, he does it enough for both of you."

Bucky's laugh surprised her, but Natasha just smirked and patted his abdomen before tugging away to work on the rest of the meal. May had offered to help a couple of times but the smooth way Natasha brushed aside the offer suggested Peter might have ratted out her less than stellar culinary skills.

Instead of joining her at the bar, Bucky settled against the counter just out of Natasha's path but close enough he could reach out and tug one of her curls periodically. "We thought you might have questions for me," he told her. "Worries. Concerns."

So did she.

"I'll do my best to answer them," Bucky continued, the barest hint of Brooklyn a drawl in his voice.

"Are you happy?" The question caught him off-guard and Natasha shot her a look. "I mean, I know there's a lot of loss—for both of you. But you're together again..." And yes, she was enough of a romantic to find that tear-worthy because, in spite of everything, they'd found each other once more. "You've found Peter."

His expression gentled. "He's a good kid. Solid. You've done a fine job with him. For that, I am truly grateful."

May smiled. "Thank you."

"No, we should be thanking you but that will get us going round and round and then Natalia will thump me."

She rolled her eyes, but he just grinned.

"But you asked if I'm happy—yes, I'm happy to know Peter. I'm just sorry we missed out on so much with Mary and on Peter's childhood."

She couldn't fault him there.

Natasha had started another pot of coffee after setting the remaining coffee in a thermos pitcher so May could refill her own.

"Well, I have loads of pictures and tons of stories about that boy," she admitted. "And it's been a long time since I got to brag on him."

They both grinned at her.

Family.

It had been a long time since her family had grown. It had only seemed to dwindle over the last couple of decades.

"Could I ask about your family?" she kept it light, flicking a look to Natasha. At no point had she said anything about other family than the one in front of them. Based on what little she'd said about the 'program' she'd been in, May didn't think she wanted to dig deeper.

Bucky dipped his chin, some of the mirth fading to a very familiar sense of melancholy.

"You don't have to," she told him. "I'm curious, I admit it. I did some reading about you before and since." More than some.

She'd checked out library books. Researched old news articles.

She'd pretty much done everything except go to the Smithsonian and look at the exhibit. The information on Sergeant Barnes had been sketchy prior to the last six months or so, but there had been several magazines and news sites that had begun to document his history before, during, and then after the war.

Rubbing the back of his neck, Bucky gave her a wry smile. "I don't mind talking about them. Just seems so long ago for me. Spider-Punk had his own questions, so it's only fair that you have some."

A bark of laughter escaped her at the description of 'Spider-Punk.' That so fit him. With a grin at Natasha, Bucky tugged one of her curls as she passed him a mug of coffee. Her eyes softened and she bumped him with her hip and then motioned him back to his counter leaning so she could pull more stuff out of the fridge.

Just how many people were they feeding? There were two huge pans of potatoes, a roast, vegetables, pastries...she pulled out four tins of biscuits.

Oh.

That made sense.

"I was born in Brooklyn in 1918," Bucky began and May focused on him as he discussed his parents, his three younger sisters, and growing up amidst the depression of the thirties and life before the war.

She could listen to him all day.

While he didn't go into depth or detail, she found herself mentally composing then striking out a list of questions. He mentioned that Peter had asked about his family and about tracking down the remaining Barnes descendants.

"I could help with that," May offered. "I know you guys are busy."

He smiled. "That's kind. But right now, I'm still thinking about it. These kids don't know me and they don't necessarily need to be saddled with my past." Natasha shot him a look, but it was far more gentle than reprimanding. Intense empathy. Not sympathy so much as she understood where he was coming from.

Of course, she did.

It made May wonder if they would have told Peter if he hadn't figured it out for himself.

God, she hoped so. While on the one hand, they were right—it was a  _ lot _ to take in. The sheer wealth of affection and love tangling around them was something Peter needed in his life.

"May," Natasha's voice brought back to the present. "One more thing..." She glanced at the clock. "Then we're going to call everyone for dinner."

"Okay."

The sober look on her face worried May for a moment.

"Peter asked me for something in Wakanda, something I said yes to and I don't want to step on your toes."

May straightened.

Bucky had his arms around Natasha again. It was like he couldn't not touch her at some point. Even when he was nowhere near her, he tracked her with his gaze as if aware of her at all times.

"Okay," May repeated. "It's not something bad is it?"

"Depends on your point of view."

"Natalia," Bucky scolded.

She sighed. "He asked if he could call me 'Mom.'"

Oh.

May leaned back a little, turning that over in her head. Mom. A little catch hit the back of her throat and she blinked back what seemed to be just the latest round on an endless cascade of tears. The story was sad and sweet on so many levels.

Mom.

Clearing her throat, she met Natasha's blunt gaze. The worry there settled her. First, Natasha was letting a vulnerability show and secondly, she was worried about May's reaction because May had been raising him all these years.

"When Mary and Richard died, Peter was inconsolable for months. Ben and I did everything we could and Will was there every day, but—we weren't Richard or Mary. They had traveled a lot so at least Peter was used to staying with us or with Will, that helped. But he'd have nightmares and he'd wake up crying for his mother." Those memories pierced her. "I was never her, I could never be Mary for him. So I did my absolute best to be Aunt May and let him grieve. Ben did the same thing about Richard. Will—he focused on being grandpa and I know that boy helped him every bit as much as he helped Peter because they were both hurting."

Natasha's knuckles were white where she gripped Bucky's hand over her stomach.

"I'm his Aunt May and I'm very happy with who I am with him and very secure," she assured her. "If he wants to call you 'Mom,' I'm okay with that too. You really do remind me of her." Then she swept her gaze to Bucky. "Both of you do. Mary was one of my dearest friends even if we were so very different. Peter needs that in his life. I'm not going to get in the way of it now."

Blowing out a breath, Natasha said, "Are you sure? I know what it is to be an aunt and I didn't raise those kids."

Would she have liked to have had Peter call her 'Mom'? Maybe. A long time ago. "I'm secure in who I am to him," May told her and as odd as it may seem to try and offer wisdom to a woman a little under twice her age, she wanted to offer it nonetheless. "Besides, you do not look like a grandma."

Bucky burst out laughing and Natasha chuckled. "Fair."

"Thank you," May added. "For caring what I think and I feel."

"You're family," Bucky insisted. "Natalia and I agree. You're as much ours as he is."

"Not calling you, mom or dad," May warned them and they grinned.

"How about you just call us Nat and James—though, he would say 'Bucky.'" You know, it even sounded weird for her to say Bucky, especially when she added that little grimace.

"My name isn't that bad, Kotyonok."

She snorted. "I didn't say that James, I just said it's a child's name." Then she rose up on her tiptoes and he dipped his head for her to kiss him lightly. It was such an intimate moment that May made herself glance down at her coffee to afford them some privacy. "Everyone can call you Bucky as they see fit, even Petya. I will stick with James."

His frank grin said he didn't mind in the slightest. "Da, I know," he soothed then shot May a wink when he caught her looking. "It's an old argument."

That just made her laugh.

"We still have to do a dress thing, don't we?"

"Oh, I picked out a couple for you," Natasha said and motioned to the bedroom door. "You can help yourself to anything in the closet and if you don't find something you like, we'll have some dresses sent over. Trust me, Tony has that down to an art and so does Friday."

"That we do," Friday agreed pleasantly and May stared up at the ceiling.

"Is it weird to live with an AI?"

"I don't think so," Friday answered. "But I didn't spend as much time active when JARVIS ran everything for Boss."

Natasha bit back a smile and shrugged. "She's family."

Sure. Why not?

A seemingly immortal assassin. A billionaire. A super soldier. A freaking urban legend. A girl who moved things with her mind. And her own nephew, who could fling himself off buildings and catch speeding cars like they were a football tossed on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Why not add an AI to the mix?

She was still turning that over in her head when the elevator doors dinged open and Peter bounded out ahead of Steve and Tony. She ignored the latter pair and focused on Peter. The hopefulness and trepidation in his gaze yanked at her heart.

He really did deserve the family he wanted and these people might all be crazy, but the affection and love were real. They could adjust to anything really as long as they had that.

Pushing away from the counter, she wrapped him in a hug as he picked her up. He really needed to stop doing that. She swatted him and he immediately put her down.

"Sorry, Aunt May."

"No, you're not." She tweaked his nose.

"We good?" he asked quietly as Tony and Steve made their way to the kitchen and she chuckled.

"Of course we are, I like Natasha. I like her a lot and she reminds me of your mom."

Relief swarmed through him.

"And I'm really glad they found you."

"Us," Peter insisted. "Mom says we're a package deal."

Was there the faintest twinge when he called her mom? A little. He winced and she gave him a sideways squeeze. "They told me, don't freak out. I'm okay with it."

"So," Tony announced. "One big happy family? Awesome. Can we eat now, Red? Some of us have been working all day and slaving over reports so that their CEO won't stab them with a dessert fork at the reception."

Steve leaned against the counter and said, "I really don't think throwing darts at them counts as going over them in detail."

"I read them first," Tony said with a smirk and May laughed along with the rest of them but she kept an eye on Peter and the way his face began to shine as he bounded over to join the conversation.

Natasha watched him the same way and when they locked gazes, May nodded to her and Natasha answered it with a nod of her own.

Weird as it may all be, this right here? This May understood fully. She and Natasha were absolutely on the same page with Peter.

Everything else would work out.

Their story had enough darkness in it. It was time to get to the happier bits.

"You are going to love Mom's cooking," Peter said. "She's like a freaking genius."

"I've had her cooking," May reminded him with a mild smile as she walked over to join them and Peter grinned.

"Yeah, yeah," he said with a sheepish grin but everyone else was still laughing.

They didn't eat formally, if anything, they piled their plates and retreated to the living room. Natasha even sat on the floor next to Peter while Steve and Bucky took one sofa and left the armchairs for her and Tony.

It was—fantastic. Utterly normal.

And by the time they hit dessert, May could  _ almost _ forget these were all Avengers even Peter.

Almost.


	45. In My Veins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers are gathering in preparation for the reception and more.

**Chapter Forty-Five**

_In My Veins_

**Natalia/Natasha**

She twisted, flipping Tony and getting him in a thigh lock that pinned one of his arms to his torso as she bent the other behind his back. A huff of laughter escaped him as he tilted his head back, half-leaning against her shoulder. Mischief twinkled in his eyes. "Have I mentioned how hot I find your flexibility?"

"Hmm," was her only response. "Many times. It's not getting you out of this."

"I'm just saying," Tony continued as he tried to brute force his way out of the thigh lock, but the arm lock she had him in meant he had to twist his arm almost painfully to do that. "There are worse things than being pinned by you. And the positions we could get into..."

"You do know I can hear you, right?" Peter yelled from where he was sparring with Steve.

"Then stop listening," Tony retorted. "Focus on your--ow..." He cut a look back up to her and grinned. "I was just going to tell him to focus on his fight."

Rolling him, she had him face down against the mat and leaned into him. This wasn't the most comfortable position and his ass was up in the air. "He's not the only one who needs to focus," she murmured against Tony's ear. He gave a little shudder. "How do you get out of this?"

"Ask nicely?" he huffed, but he was already shifting the weight on his legs without offering an ounce of resistance with his upper body. A little thrill went through her, did he have it? "Offer a bribe?" He gave a harmless little bounce as if trying to buck her off. It didn't remotely dislodge her, but it did allow him to get one knee under him more firmly and his foot down.

"I could have broken your arm by now," she warned him. She could have broken it five minutes earlier.

"But you didn't," he scoffed. "Because if you had, I wouldn't be able to do this." He shifted his hand, barely, but enough to grab her breast.

"Tony," she warned.

"I'm distracting you, Red, play along," he said it so patiently, she almost burst out laughing. "You're the villain, you're supposed to be monologuing while I dazzle you with my brilliance."

"That's typecasting, you know," she told him idly. "You could just as easily be the villain."

"Fine, morally ambiguous femme fatale with a definitive code."

She snorted, though she freely admitted, as distraction techniques went, he knew what he was doing. Tony could incense a saint with that mouth of his. Charm might be in his repertoire, but tease, antagonize, distract, and trigger were his specialties. The snappy comebacks were just the first stage of it. Verbal chess was his thing.

"Definitive code somewhat negates ambiguity, don't you think?"

"Nah," Tony said. "We're complicated." And with that, he shoved upward, using momentum to slam her back against the mat. It was an excellent move, jarring her grip so he could at least wrench his arm forward and free. He twisted, wrapping that arm around her shoulders. They tumbled as she carried the momentum.

Losing her breath wasn't the hard part, not letting him wiggle out of the leg lock while he distracted her with a two-pronged attack took a decent bit of focus. The twist and bend managed to dislodge one of her legs as he turned into it and the pressure on her right quadriceps made her leg burn. Look at that, he figured out how to apply the pressure.

Shifting gears, she let him break the hold as they tumbled and he let out a chortle that turned to a groan as she slid away and then flipped to her feet a split-second before she swept his legs out from under him and he crashed back to the mat.

"Dammit, Red," he swore, though it was more in huffed frustration than real anger. "Rubberband, woman. You're a damn rubber band." Clint accused her of that all the time.

She grinned and held out her hand to him. He clasped it and she hauled him to his feet. He turned her left hand over and studied the back of it before looking at the palm. There was barely even a hint of a line. The fading pink scar was vanishing rapidly.

"Huh," he murmured to himself. "Can't even tell it happened. If that attorney shows up, we need to bandage your hand." Sweat trickled down his forehead as he chewed his lower lip before squinting at her. "We should do something elegant over it for the reception, too."

Touching two fingers lightly to his cheek, she smiled. "It'll be fine." Deflection was the name of the game. They didn't need to reveal her healing ability.

He frowned, but while he studied her hand, she studied him. His breathing which had been coming in sharper pants during the sparring had already evened out. The flutter of his pulse slowed, dropping into the normal range faster.

Raising his brows, he said, "See something you like?" The flash of teasing in his eyes made her smile and she flicked his nose.

"Yes."

But she left it at that because movement behind her had her shifting her weight and she caught Clint's lunge as he tried to tackle her. They went down in a twist and she threw him before she rebounded onto her feet.

Unperturbed, he rolled back to his easily enough. "Almost had you."

"Only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades," she countered.

"Hope you don't mind if I tap in, Tony," Clint said, not taking his gaze off her. He and Wanda had left the day before to get Laura and the kids. Nat and Friday had made sure the house security specs were up while Tony finished the installs and James did a full scout and sweep. They'd managed to squeeze that in while she talked to May.

The other woman was actually seated in the gym watching Peter and Steve as James supervised them. The conversation had cost her, but it was a price she'd happily paid to reach an accord with May. Peter's relief was an immediate payoff for the sacrifice. While May still seemed to be finding her feet, the woman was a survivor with a quirky sense of humor and the capacity for depthless compassion.

Watching the Avengers train had her alternately laughing and hiding her face. Peter kept showing off and Steve let him, to a point. Then he or James or both would pull his focus back in.

Not that she takes her attention off Clint. He's just waiting for her to be distracted. The mood swirling around him was as restless as it had ever been. Worse, maybe. It was like the weeks after New York.

After Loki.

When the chaos eating at him had been a tangible thing that skittered over her skin like a static charge building to an explosion.

"Tony's good," she said, cutting him a brief look. "Right? You're moving like a dream. I'm very impressed." The last she added more as an afterthought because he really did deserve the compliment. Training him had gone by the fucking wayside more often than not since her injury and he could have backslid and ignored the stretching and muscle flexibility she'd been insisting on.

He hadn't.

If anything, he was in better shape than he'd been in all the years she'd known him.

Yes, she was impressed.

A startled look crossed his face and lit his eyes before he covered his surprise with a smirk. Real compliments often threw him and that was when his inner asshole came out to play. Usually.

"Good to know you dream about me," he quipped, but she didn't get to enjoy the deflection before Clint pounced. She took the hit, rolling with him and then twisting as they tumbled over and over until she kicked him off and flipped back to her feet.

The intensity rolled off him in waves. Yeah, they needed to deal with this.

"Weapons?" she asked because he needed to vent his spleen before it consumed him. Natalia blocked the rest of the room. With Steve, James, Tony, and Peter present not to mention Friday. the chances of a real threat getting to her were slim and none. She could relax her guard. They'd watch her back.

Clint needed all of her attention.

He paused a beat, then nodded, and as one they pivoted and headed for the weapons locker. Natalia caught James' frown because they didn't get practice weapons.

She pulled out a pair of escrima sticks. She could make her own batons with the bracelets, but Clint, like her, was dressed in loose workout clothes. Neither of them had armor, so she wouldn't give herself any more advantages than she already had.

The tight smile on his face didn't reach his eyes as he took out a pair of his own. "Nat," he warned, his voice so soft she had to strain to hear it. He didn't want the guys to hear him. "Not sure I can hold back."

Bumping his hip, she let the tension bleed out of her as she smiled. Sometimes, you just had to let everything else go. Steve and James still held back in their spars.

They more than held back and refused to push her. Tony did, but it was different. Like fighting with Clint was different.

They all had their own styles.

"Then don't. I can take you."

One corner of his mouth curves a bit higher. "Thanks," he mouths the word more than says it. "Don't let me hurt you, Kid."

"Don't worry old man, this is one time where me healing is good for both of us."

He shot her a look. He really doesn't want to hurt her, but he needs to hurt something. Everything was a mess.

Natalia doesn't blink or look away. She gets it. They've both been there.

Exhaling, he nods and they move back to the mats. Rolling her head from side to side, she just waits. Not that he gives her more than a second before he's on her. They spent time sparring when she'd gone to Stephen's out of time sanctum and Clint had pushed her there.

Pushed her the way she needed to be pushed.

The way the guys kept resisting. The last thing she'd ever wanted to be was fragile. Marble. Unbreakable. Made of marble.

Recovering the loss of Mary broke her.

But broken bones knit together as they heal into something much stronger.

The sound of the sticks striking as she pivots, spins, attacks, and defends are the only soundtrack to their near-silent fight. Clint wasn't kidding. He needed to hurt something. Rage threaded his actions.

It made him reckless.

It made him deadly.

And he wasn't holding back.

She ate the strike across her ribs and ignored the blistering tightness as she locked his arm in place and disarmed him of one stick then the other. It worked, but she narrowly missed his head butt.

Yanking her head out of the way gave him the opportunity to yank her over his shoulder and she hit the mat but was already rolling before he could drop. He hit the spot where she'd landed and rebounded to his feet even as she leapt to hers.

His escrima sticks had scattered in opposite directions while she still had two. In an _honorable_ fight, one instructor she'd trained with during the years she wandered after leaving the Red Room for the last time said she should surrender her weapons to make it an even fight.

For the first time, a real smile touched his face because she didn't give up her sticks, she just kept a wary eye on him poised for his next strike. She didn't have to wait long, he lunged for her and went low even as she flipped over him. He was going for his weapon, not her. They both knew it, but she caught him with a foot to the back and sent him flying.

He wanted a fight.

She'd give him a fight.

It wasn't long before he was on his feet with the escrima sticks in hand and they were at it again. As much of a fight as he wanted, she was careful of his leg and did her best to bruise not break. After the second strike on her ribs and a very distinctive crack, he seemed to snap a little more back into himself.

They were both bathed in sweat. Her hair plastered against her skin and she'd soaked through her workout clothes. Blood trickled from her lip and his nose. He was going to have a damn shiner.

Laura might get annoyed at that.

Her ribs were screaming.

"You done, Kid?"

Natalia laughed. "You want me to let you win, Old Man?"

His lips tightened but the spark in his eyes promised he'd get even for that. That was okay with her. His uneven breathing said he was definitely tired though and he'd lost some speed, so she'd slowed as well. It wasn't even a conscious decision. If she went full tilt against Clint, he'd lose.

And what he needed was a fight.

But now he needed the fight to be over. So, she let him wear himself out a little more before she disarmed him, the fact he let her was the only warning she had before he got her into that headlock.

Sweet move.

But she jammed her arm and shoulder up to keep him from closing it and arched her whole body up, legs forward and forced her weight back. Already off-balance, Clint went down hard and she slammed her elbow back into his ribs before she twisted around and locked his arms with her thighs and wrapped a hand around his throat.

"Dammit," he swore without any heat and laughter rolled out of him. "Yield you freaking twisty woman."

Natalia grinned and flopped back off of him. Now that it was over, she panted and lay there trying to let her overheated skin cool off.

The sound of clapping intruded into the sudden silence and she lifted her head much as Clint did to find their audience staring at them from Steve to James who were both shaking their heads to Tony who wolf-whistled to Peter who gaped, but it was Wanda, Laura, and May who wore contrasting expressions of awe and a hint of terror that made Natalia offer a wry smile and a wave before she laid back down.

"You know," Clint said. "If you were tired, you could have tapped out earlier."

She flipped him off and fresh laugher erupted around the room. Steve appeared over them glancing from her to Clint and back.

"Need a medic?"

The smirk was absolutely adorable.

Steve Rogers could be a punk.

James was right.

Natalia flipped him off and so did Clint. But she did take his extended hand and let him pull her up. He was careful and his gaze swept to her chest once then up with a quirk of his brows. She nodded.

Oh yeah. Her ribs hurt.

"Everyone hit the showers," he called. "Lunch in an hour."

James had pulled Clint to his feet and offered him a towel for his still bloody nose.

"You good?" his gruff question earned only a nod from Clint.

Then he said, "Better now." He lifted his chin to her. "Thanks, Nat."

Natalia leaned on Steve and chuckled, "Anytime you want your ass kicked, I'll be happy to do it."

"Though maybe next time we wait for when we don't have a formal event in thirty-six hours? Roughly?" Tony suggested squinting at them. The room behind them had emptied and at her glance, Tony added, "Peter went up with May. They'll meet us in the Penthouse for lunch. Friday's already got food on the way."

"Seriously," Steve said. "Do either of you need a medic?"

Natalia patted his chest. "I'm good."

"Yeah," Clint said with a wince. "Me too. Laura and I are on my floor...the kids are out at the Compound with Vision. He volunteered."

Vision was back.

She wasn't the only one who was surprised. He'd been wandering last she'd heard, more on his humanity study.

"We'll head back there tonight, then I'll take Laura and the kids to the house after the big brouhaha."

"It's a party," Tony corrected. "The hottest event of the year. Brouhaha," he muttered the last.

Grinning, Natalia pushed away from Steve and stepped into Clint's outstretched arm. She accepted the wordless hug and returned it.

Then he limped out, flipping James off when James chuckled at him. Only after he was done did all three glare at her, though there really wasn't any genuine anger. Just concern.

"I cracked one, maybe two," she admitted. "And I'm pretty sure my right shoulder is out."

James swore, then gripped her arm and white-hot pain sparked through her as he popped it back into place.

Much better.

***

Natalia stood under the stream of hot water and let it pound against her scalp and shoulders. Her muscles stung from the push and the brutality of the fight. Her ribs were already technicolor, darkening along her right and left sides. Planting her palms against the tile she just stood there and let the sweat rinse away,

On every level, she had needed that fight. Not like Clint had. No, he'd needed to purge some demons and his eyes had been brighter at the end and tinged with a hint of regret. She'd deal with that later. Get him drunk and let him finish purging the last of it. If Laura hadn't already. Heat spread against her back and then very familiar hands settled on her hips as gentle as they were strong.

"Not a fan of the bruises, Angel," Steve said slightly before pressing his lips against her shoulder. She leaned backward as his arms looped around her waist and tilted her head up to find him studying her with equal parts affection and concern.

"You're never a fan of my bruises. But these won't take long to heal," she told him lightly. "Clint needed me." Whatever outfit she wore for the party could be adjusted to cover them. And she had plenty of practice hiding facial bruises. This was not a problem.

His brows dipped, but his smile softened. "We all need you, Angel." Twisting, she pressed against his chest and slid her arms up around his shoulders even as she swallowed the hiss of pain pulling on those bruises sent through her. The sharp blue of Steve's eyes gleamed as he swept his gaze down the length of her. "I don't know how Bucky did it."

"Hmm?" She stroked her fingers through his hair. It was getting longer and fuller. The rough look was a good look on Steve. Like his beard. Maybe it was the flout to authority, the break with conventions or maybe it was just him.

"The way he feels about you, the way I feel about you." Steve hoisted her up and then feathered kisses along the bruises lining her ribs. "How he could stand to see you go through everything you did, I can barely stand this and yes, I know you've had worse, but I fucking hate anything touching you. Hurting you." Every word he punctuated with a kiss, the brush of his beard on her skin both tender and electric. Soft emotion clawed at the back of her throat.

"Steve..."

"No," he said firmly, tipping his head back so she could meet his gaze. "I mean it. If I thought I stood a snowball's chance in hell of convincing you to retire and letting us do all the heavy lifting, I'd do it in a heartbeat."

She frowned.

But he brought a hand up to caress her cheek. "I'll never ask you to do that."

Her heart fisted.

"Because while I desperately want to protect you and not let another single person hurt you again, I want you right there with us. I miss having you at my side and my back. Buck's the same way. I just...I don't get how he could do it."

"He hated it," she told him softly. "But that was our life and we had to accept it. When he could, he inflicted damage just like I did on anything that touched us, but sometimes...sometimes we could only savor the sweet moments to see us through the darker ones."

A storm crashed in his eyes. "I don't know if I could have done it."

"Thankfully, you don't have to." There was a reason she didn't tell James about everything that happened. A reason she kept some of the worst to herself. She survived it. That was the important part. They'd hurt him, too. Dipping her head, she nuzzled Steve's mouth as he slid her down until she was tucked between him in and the wall. Wrapping her hand around his cock, she angled him so she could just slide him home.

He let out a sigh that was half-lust, half-release and she smiled before nibbling his lower lip. "I'm trying not to be overprotective," he whispered, then teased her tongue with his own as he began to rock into her. No rush, no hurry, just gentle thrusting that filled her with anticipation while gradually edging her pleasure higher.

"I know," she murmured, then sucked on his lower lip as she carded her fingers through his hair. "I'll kill anyone who hurts you, you know."

It wasn't even a question. She'd kill anyone who hurt anyone in her family.

"Right back atcha, Angel," he groaned as his tempo increased, every stroke slamming home with a little more force. Plastered to the wall, she could only rotate her hips so much but she fisted his hair as he deepened the kiss. No words, just his body driving into hers. Locking her legs around his waist, she dug her nails into his nape and then he lifted his head to stare at her. "I love you, Natalia Alianovna Romanova. I love you, Natasha Romanoff. I love _you,_ Natasha Stark."

He thrust with every declaration.

"I love you, Natasha Rogers." Her heart squeezed at that one. He could have said Natalie Rogers. That had been her name at one point. But Natalie Rogers had been Will’s and a part of her would always be his, too. The envelope May had given her sat unopened. It was from Will. Something to do with her and from Will. 

She wasn’t ready to open that door right this second, but she would. Just like she’d read the journals and looked at the pictures. No matter how much it hurt. She wanted that link to the life she’d had to abandon. The lives she’d had to leave behind.

Without him, she might not be here right now.

"And I love you, Natalia Barnes."

Nat Barnes.

She closed her eyes against that wild torrent of emotion.

"I just love you," he whispered again and she dragged her eyes open and let out a deep breath.

"Solntce moya, ty razbudil vo mne davno zabytoye," she whispered the words and dragged her hands to his face as he stilled within her. "Ty sogrevayesh' moyu dushu. Lyubit' tebya – eto kak dyshat'… ya prosto ne mogu ostanovit'sya! Ty ray moya, ty nebo moya, ty soltnce moya."

His smile bloomed. "My heaven. My sky. My sun."

"Da," she whispered, and then he began to move again only this time he captured her lips, his tongue mimicking the actions of his cock. The riot of pleasure rippling through her system was a storm that just washed over her and pulled her under as she spasmed around him. His hips stuttered as he followed her. The intensity all the sweeter for their quiet and then he leaned his forehead against hers as they panted softly.

Natalia savored the moment, immersing herself in being surrounded by him. Their lives would always be a torrent, when they had a chance to latch onto peace, they had to take it.

"I missed the part in the middle," Steve confessed. "I tried to translate, but then you moved..."

Huffing out a laugh, she said, "My sun, you woke something up in me long forgotten." She stroked his damp beard. "You warm my soul. Loving you is like breathing... I just can't stop! You are my heaven, you are my sky, you are my sun."

"Ty nuzhna mne vso bol'she i bol'she," Steve said, slowly, enunciating each word carefully. _I need you more and more._ "Moy milyy angel- Moy Angel." _My sweet angel. My angel._ "Vot moye serdtse. Ono polno lyubvi." _Here is my heart. It is full of love. "_ Ya tvoya, chtoby sokhranit'." _I'm yours to keep._

"YA tebya nikogda ne ostavlyu. YA vsegda budu borot'sya za tebya. YA vsegda budu na tvoyey storone." His eyes brightened even as he scraped his teeth over his lower lip. He didn't know all the words, not yet. But his Russian was improving daily. "I will never leave you. I will always fight for you. I will always be by your side," she translated for him. "And I'll always be Natasha Rogers."

He curled his fingers in the chain of his dog tags and his smile grew. "You know I'd marry you in a heartbeat, right?"

"You know marriage doesn't mean to me what it does to all of you?" Because this was important.

"I figured that out, Angel."

"This..." she told him, stroking his beard before motioning to where he held her. They hadn't inched apart and thankfully the water hadn't cooled. If anything, the temperature in the shower climbed. And Steve was already stiffening. Their refractory period was something of a gift. "Being together, being supported, knowing you have my back--" It was difficult to put into words. "Just the fact that you understand that I love James and Tony..." The relationships were all so very different. "That you aren't asking me to change." Then she amended that. "Much."

"The only thing I want is for you to be safe and happy. The only thing I want to change is the world so it leaves you alone." The firmness in that declaration wrapped around her. "I wouldn't change anything else about you, Angel. I promise. On my life, I promise."

"Your life is precious to me," she scolded, but then nuzzled him with a kiss even as he shut off the water and pulled her out of the shower. She didn't care that they were dripping or she wasn't done. She didn't even care when they landed on the bed or that they'd have to change the sheets and blankets.

The only thing she cared about was the soul-searing kiss and the way they moved together.

Everything else they could deal with later.

***

Pepper and Rhodey arrived in the late afternoon. By the time Natalia and Steve emerged from their second--and actual--shower, Clint had taken Laura to see the new house with James tagging along to watch their back and do another sweep.

Paranoid didn't begin to describe all of them, but then again it was only paranoia if they failed to do their jobs and people got hurt. He'd left them a note in the kitchen and a stack of clean linens that made both of them laugh. Steve remade the bed while she pulled her hair back and up. It had gotten longer over the last few months. Finally growing out the cut after she'd lost some in the fight with the Mandarin.

The rings were back in place, she'd removed them for sparring that morning but it was weird how fast her hands felt naked without them. The same was true of the dog tags. Attachment.

She was so well and truly fucked with it now, but Natalia couldn't find an ounce of regret in her for it. If anything, she shot Madame B a mental bird. Fuck you very much. If the woman wasn't already dead, she might be tempted to rub her face in it.

Still, it was better that she was dead.

"Angel?" Steve's voice tugged her around.

"Hmm?"

"All good? You looked--off for a moment."

"Cold and homicidal?" Natalia asked lightly and at his faintly worried frown, she smiled and his expression relaxed. "I was thinking about Madame B."

The frown returned full force. "Why?"

She shrugged. "She would absolutely loathe what I have become." Triumph glittered through her. "She would be disgusted and feel like a complete failure."

Head tilted, Steve raised his brows. "Because you're happy."

It wasn't a question and she grinned. "Because I'm happy," she confirmed. "And I'm attached." With two fingers, she lifted the dog tags up to kiss them. "Because I'm not just about the mission and I'm no longer just a weapon."

"You were never just a weapon," he murmured, but his expression softened further even as his eyes hardened. "She was just an evil bitch."

Natalia laughed. "Yes, she was." Touching her tongue to her teeth, she winked. Her ribs already felt better or maybe it was just that the rest of her was boneless and sated. She was sore in all the right places. "Hungry?"

"Starved," Steve admitted, which was also the point at which Friday announced Rhodey and Pepper had arrived and the elevator dinged open for Tony.

He'd showered and changed, looking far more relaxed in his AC/DC shirt and jeans. Not to mention the smirk on his face as he glanced at her. "Nice hickeys."

Steve snorted.

When Tony slid an arm around her, he teased a kiss to her jaw, then slid his hand up to her side carefully. "How are the ribs?"

"Can't feel them," Natalia told him. They were going to ache. She'd live. "How are you?"

"Sore," he admitted, then chuckled when she leaned in to take a deep breath of the spicier scent of his soap and a hint of aftershave. No liniment, but then again... "I used the scentless, thank you. Not half as sore as I've been in the past, however, so I'm calling that a win."

"You did good," Steve told him, popping the fridge open. "We were just talking about food."

Leaning against the back of the sofa, Tony wrapped an arm around her waist with a light, questioning tug. She settled against him easily as he rubbed a cheek against her hair. "We might have to order up or head up and fix it in the penthouse," he said. "Pepper wants to talk as soon as she and Rhodey are settled."

"She said ten minutes," Friday chimed in. "Twenty minutes ago, Boss."

"Right," Tony said. "She doesn't unpack that fast."

"She isn't unpacking, Boss," Friday said in a patient tone. "She and Colonel Rhodes are arguing."

Tony winced as Steve pinned him with a look. "Baby Girl, put Pepper and Rhodey in privacy mode."

"Of course, Boss."

Natalia bit her lip at Steve's raised brows.

"It's not my fault," Tony argued. "I didn't ask her to spy."

"Boss is correct, Captain Rogers. I only recorded the incident because Ms. Potts was in the middle of speaking to me when the argument occurred. They are..."

"Friday," Natalia and Tony said in the same breath as Steve pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Secure the recording to their voiceprint only," Tony continued with a sigh. "Thank you for keeping an eye on her Baby Girl, but unless it's an emergency don't report on private conversations."

"Of course, Boss."

"That kills you a little, doesn't it?" Natalia teased him.

"I like to know things," he admitted, tracing a finger up and down her side. "But I'm trying to be better about respecting boundaries."

And he had. "I know," she soothed him. "Let's go up, I can fix us something in the penthouse and we can check in with Rhodey and Pepper. I'm assuming a big dinner tonight with everyone?"

"Family-style?" Steve said with a grin.

Family-style.

"I like that," Tony mused.

So did Natalia.

"Cap, you mind if I steal our girl for a quick conversation in the elevator and you follow us up?"

Steve raised his brows but only nodded. "I'll give you ten minutes?"

"Thanks." With that, Tony tugged her toward the elevator and she winked at Steve. He shook his head and pulled out his phone.

"Steve," Natalia said, bracing the elevator door open. "Don't fall into work or reports."

"I won't, Angel. I'm just going to look at what Sharon forwarded over. She's been handling a lot for us, probably fair to make sure I actually answer her." He must have read the silent question in her eyes because he nodded. "I'll make sure you see anything I've got questions on, too. Promise."

The moment the elevator doors closed, Tony spun her around and then his mouth locked on hers as he pressed her right up against the elevator wall.

The kiss was like none of his earlier ones. No hesitance existed. When he sucked against her bottom lip, she opened to him and let out a groan when he all but crowded her against the wall. One hand cradling the back of her head, he gripped the ponytail and the tug sent heat to light up her scalp. Fisting his shirt, Natalia pulled him closer until he slid a thigh between hers and ground his hips against her. 

For a moment, they clung there and then his tongue swept inside and teased hers, he swung from demanding to needy and then back again barely parting from her long enough to let her suck in a breath. His free hand dug into her hip and she lifted the leg to let him slide against her. The boneless languor in her system revved as he slowed the kiss until it was just the rasp of their breath colliding while they panted against each other. 

“Fuck, I needed that,” he murmured. Then with care, he tugged her hair again and it tilted her head back. The action bared her throat, but not an ounce of unease shifted in her. Tony wouldn't hurt her. "Red..."

The ragged note had her pushing her hands up under his shirt to spread her palms against his chest. "I'm here, Tony."

His heart hammered, but it wasn't thready. Hell, her own heart raced. "I know," he whispered. "Gotta remind myself. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and be in that fucking lab in Wakanda while you're still in cryo and we're trying to fix you."

The rough admission had her studying him. "Tony..."

"I know," he murmured, giving her a rueful look. But there's more than that in his brown eyes. There was genuine...

"Tony, I'm not playing you."

He frowned. "I know you're not."

One hand spread over his heart, she lifted the other to his face. "You know that here," she said touching his temple, "in this beautiful mind of yours? Or do you know it here?" She drummed her fingers against his chest. "In this survivor's heart?"

"Good things don't happen to me, Red," he admitted with a frown. "On those rare occasions when they do, I fuck it up before it can screw me."

"I love you, Tony," she told him gently, the light warming his eyes making her heart squeeze. "I haven't always been a good person. There's a real chance, I won't be a good person in the future. I'm broken, stitched back together, and the product of a lot of darkness. I never believed in happy endings. I didn't believe in tomorrow. We have what we have--when we have it."

It had served her well. When he opened his mouth, she pressed a finger to it asking for silence. If they took longer than ten minutes, they took longer than ten minutes.

"You accept all the pieces of me. Even the pieces that belong to them. But don't doubt I belong to you, too." Even a year earlier and she would rather have cut her own throat than admit she belonged to anyone. But it wasn't about ownership, it was about giving. They were hers every bit as much as she was theirs.

"Red... I'm crazy about you. I've been crazy about you for a long time." He pressed his forehead to hers, their eyes so close they filled her vision. "I want this to work and a part of me keeps thinking I'm going to fuck this up with you or with them and then it'll be over before it really starts." He sighed. "Damn near happened cause of the marriage announcement."

"But it didn't," she reminded him. "We're fine. We're building and yes, we're dealing with a lot of stuff, but we just need to make the time for us, too." They hadn't had a lot of 'us' time.

"Fuck," he groaned. "I've only taken you on one date."

"It was a fantastic date," she reminded him.

"You. Me. This weekend," he said. "After the reception and we get everyone sorted. I want to take you out, Red. For real. Just you and me."

"I'd like that," she told him and then leaned in to murmur against his ear. "Want to play hide and seek?"

His fingers tightened against her side and his heart sped up. "Depends on who is hiding and who is seeking."

She nipped his earlobe. "You go hide at your 'secret' apartment and I'll find you."

A shudder raced up his spine. "Do you get a reward if you find me?"

Laughing softly, she traced the shell of his ear with her tongue and he pressed harder against her. Tension coiled in her abdomen and a thrill skated along her nerves. "If I find you, you're my reward."

His groan was all tortured lust. "You're killing me," then he tugged her hair to pull her head back and she met his gaze. "But what a way to go...barring disaster, I'm holding you to that date. And I'm keeping you all night if you find me."

It was her turn to shiver and she grinned. "It's a bet. Besides...I still owe you that date."

"Caroling in chicken suits?" Humor flooded his gaze and the tension in his face eased as he grinned.

"You just want me in feathers."

All at once, his eyes heated. "Now that you mentioned it."

Natalia laughed as he kissed her, more affectionate and sweet with the underscore of need pulsing with each stroke of his tongue. Finally, he lifted his head when Friday chimed.

"Let me guess, Cap wants to know what the hold up is..."

"Captain Rogers said he took the stairs and would go ahead and get food started if you needed a few more minutes."

They shared a long stare before they both cracked up.

Burying his face against her throat, Tony laughed and the last of the tension drained out of him. She wrapped herself around him, just holding him close. "We're okay," she whispered.

"Yes, we are," he answered then pressed a kiss right over one of the marks Steve had left on her throat, and then Tony sucked one of his own just below it and a shiver pulsed through her. "And if Cap wasn't waiting and we didn't have Pepper and Rhodey to deal with...I'd do my damnedest to talk you out of your clothes right now."

She scraped her nails against his chest lightly and then down his abdomen until he lifted his head to stare at her. "You wouldn't have to say much," she promised. "But you deserve more than a quickie in the elevator."

"I dunno," he mused. "I thought about a quickie on my desk in the office. The lab table. The counter in the kitchen. The pilot's seat of the quinjet. The Ferrari. The back of the limo...the conference room at the U.N."

"You really are an overachiever."

"And you're really flexible," he countered.

The corner of her mouth kicked up. "Next bet...pick the place...and we'll test that theory as all good theories should be tested and proven."

He closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath. "Natasha Romanoff, will you marry me?"

"Too late," she whispered and he grinned. "Already happened."

"Then marry me again," he said. "Hell, marry all of us, but tell me you'd marry me anyway. I never wanted to keep someone the way I want to keep you."

That...shouldn't sound so damn romantic. "Then yes. Yes, I would marry all of you because I know what it means to you." Then because he deserved to know it. "Just understand, I am keeping you, too."

"Good," he said, staring at her for another long minute before easing his hand from her hair and moving to stand next to her, one arm still around her and his hand resting on her hip. "Because I can be really annoying if I want something."

"You?" she scoffed. "Never."

"Be careful, Red, that sounds like a challenge."

She was still grinning when the elevator doors opened. "Do your worst, Shellhead. I can handle you." Then with a wink, she sauntered out ahead of him but not before he let out a breath and a hushed, "Yes, you can. Thank God."


	46. Don't Stand So Close to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family dinner and trouble at the docks, just another night for the Avengers

**Chapter Forty-Six**

_Don't Stand So Close to Me_

**Natalia/Natasha**

"Are you serious right now?" Pepper demanded, tapping one of her expensive—Natalia eyed them—Jimmy Choo black-heeled pumps. A flush touched her cheeks and the glare in her narrowed eyes promised healthy retribution.

"No, Pep, I'm doing stand up comedy," Tony drawled from where he leaned back in the chair, impatience creeping through his expression. They'd been having the same argument for thirty minutes. Rhodey had joined Natalia and Steve in the kitchen, frustration etched into every line of his face.

Steve lifted his chin toward the pair and then raised his eyebrows to her. Was she going to intervene? Taking a sip of her tea, she shook her head and then reached for the knife to start dicing the mushrooms. He was throwing together a lasagna and it was something to do.

"It's my life, Tony."

"I'm aware," he replied, tabbing through something on his phone. It hadn't been in his hand five minutes earlier, but the appearance of it said he needed distance. The phone was as much a self-defense technique as it was a distraction. Pepper was pushing him and he wanted to keep his temper in check. "Just like I'm aware that less than a week ago you couldn't understand how the guy was even still there and you needed our help, now everything is fine and dandy?"

While he neither snorted nor scoffed, it echoed.

"Now you sound like Rhodey."

Tony glanced at her from over his glasses. "Well, when Rhodey and I agree on something, maybe you should listen. When Rhodey, Red, and I are all in lockstep maybe this argument shouldn't even be happening."

All at once Pepper whirled and looked right at her. Natalia didn't flinch, she just took another sip of her tea, balancing the knife in her free hand. "You agree with them? You think I can't handle Kumar?"

Yes, they had to drag her into this.

She gave a shrug. "If you could have handled him, you wouldn't have needed us in the first place."

Pepper's mouth formed a little 'o,' and Rhodey let out a long sigh. Not Tony, though, he gave her a smugly triumphant look. He really didn't like to lose an argument. It was as adorable as it was irritating and he damn well knew it.

"Nat," Pepper said as she paced away from Tony and headed toward the kitchen just as the elevator chimed.

"Oh look," Tony announced as he bounced to his feet. "We have company. Let's get out the wine. Pepper I'll pour you the wine."

"There is no wine," Pepper snapped, impatience salting the words.

"There's wine," Natalia murmured. "I can get it." Tony had objected to drying everything out and said he'd bring it in personally if she didn't at least stock what she wanted. So there was now wine in the wine fridge. Just like there were two bottles of vodka in the freezer. He wasn't touching it, didn't mean he wouldn't have it here.

His willpower was stronger than the drink. Still, the first slip and it was gone. She and Friday were in total agreement on that one. Pepper frowned at her but Natalia kept her expression placid. Like Tony, she had no interest in this argument. Despite what her current level of concern seemed to suggest, Pepper had nothing to prove to either of them.

Marc Kumar was a problem. Natalia didn't care if Pepper had screwed him on the first date or the fiftieth if she wanted him out of her life, he was done. If he kept pressing it, he was really done. If Pepper needed their help it didn't make her weaker.

"That's good," Steve murmured against her ear as he put a hand over hers where she held the knife. All of the mushrooms were not only sliced, they were diced. The corner of her mouth kicked up.

"Sorry," she said.

"It works," he promised, then brushed a kiss behind her ear as she surrendered the blade to him.

"We're having lasagna, so I'll pour us red, shall I?"

"None for me," Laura called with a grin. "Though you can definitely put me to work." Clint intercepted her on the way to the kitchen. His bruised face looked better. The black eye wasn't too bad.

Natalia’d definitely given him worse.

He lifted his chin to her and she chuckled.

"I'll take some," May said as she and Peter followed behind them.

Natalia moved to retrieve the wine glasses as Clint introduced Laura to Pepper. Peter slid over and gave Natalia a quick side hug. "Hey Mom," he greeted her and she chuckled as he kissed her cheek. "I'd say I'd have some too, but I think I'd prefer soda."

Chuckling, she leaned into the hug as she reached for the corkscrew. "You wouldn't like the red anyway, it's too dry for your tastes."

He grinned. "I'll take your word for it." Pausing a beat at the sudden silence behind them, he glanced over his shoulder and his neck flushed a tad red.

"Let them stare, Petya. They'll get it out of their system." She bumped him lightly and he slid around her toward the fridge and she found Laura grinning at her with the most delighted smile, Clint shaking his head and May looking a little bittersweet, but her smile grew when they locked gazes.

Rhodey and Pepper on the other hand wore mirror images of shocked-surprise. Tony grinned at her past Pepper's shoulder as Natalia opened the bottle to let it breathe.

"What's wrong, Pep? Never seen Red open a bottle before?" His delighted smile grew wider at Steve's snort followed by a huff of laughter when he slid the lasagna in the oven. "My beautiful wife has many hidden talents. I thought you knew that."

Pepper's shocked expression gave way to a small, almost tender smile that softened the edginess to her mood. "Yes, I was aware, but I didn't know about Peter. Welcome to the family, young man."

Peter laughed. "Thanks?"

Wine poured, Natalia eyed Tony and lifted a brow. The tension around his eyes had eased, but he was tapping his phone against his chin and only half-listening to whatever Rhodey was hurriedly whispering at him. Catching her gaze, he rolled his eyes then winked.

Ah, he was getting chewed out.

James arrived while Natalia stood arm-in-arm with Laura on the far side of the living room hearing all about the house. May and Pepper had settled on the sofas as Peter regaled them with a story about school. She liked that May seemed to have hit it off with Pepper. Clint returned with a glass of juice for Laura and he took up a watchful position.

"He's even worse about it now than he was before," Laura admitted after she thanked Clint for the juice. "You do realize I'm right here with Nat, I'm fine."

"Hmm-hmm," Clint agreed, his smile indulgent and his expression relaxed but Laura was right, he was on his guard. Probably would be until they were all settled safely at the new house behind layers of security and screens. "I know," he agreed.

"It's me," Natalia said before taking a sip of wine. "You know he hovers when I kick his ass. Makes him feel manly."

Clint just tipped his drink back for a swallow and flipped her off at the same time. Laura laughed, then squeezed Natalia's arm as she leaned into her. "I love you both so much. Don't make me kick both of your asses if you ever pull that crap again."

Not smirking, Natalia and Clint nodded in unison. "Yes, ma'am."

She rolled her eyes then swatted Natalia before she did the same to Clint. "You two are impossible." With that, she abandoned them to move to the sofas to talk to May and Pepper. Peter lit up as soon as she was there and asked her about the kids.

"You good?" Natalia asked him as Clint shifted to lean against the wall next to her. The whole of the penthouse sprawled out in front of them and they were leaning against the wall like they were in the middle of a briefing at SHIELD where neither of them needed the info.

"Better," he admitted. "How's the shoulder?"

"It's fine. James popped it back in."

He nodded. "The ribs?"

"I'll live. How's the face?"

"As gorgeous as ever."

They both grinned. Across the room, James studied her a beat and she blew him a kiss. His slow grin just sent a delicious shiver right through her. She studied them, soaking in the ease of where Steve and Tony were listening to whatever Rhodey was telling them but James just relaxed next to them—a part of the conversation while not participating.

"The house is secure. Laura loves it." Clint blew out a breath.

"Of course she loves it," Natalia told him. "You know it's not the place itself, right?"

He cut a look at her.

"It's the fact you're doing it for her. For you. For your family." She shouldn't have to explain this. "James and I built a two-room cabin in the woods on the side of a mountain. It was everything I needed."

Because it had been theirs.

The same way Tony building her a floor had given her a place. Or James picking out Cliff House. Or how Steve added to his floor here once they’d returned and how he’d made all those adjustments in his apartment in D.C. so she'd always have a place even if he didn't think she'd noticed.

They'd made her a home. A space for them.

Leaning in, Clint murmured, "Who would have thunk you were such a sap?"

Elbowing him sharply, she grinned at his grunt. "You."

"This is true."

"Children," Laura called. "Don't make me come over there."

All the eyes in the room swung toward them, including Peter's laughing ones, so Natalia raised her wine glass. "You heard her," she told Clint. "Stop getting us in trouble."

He snorted and the laughter rippled across the room.

Dinner didn't take long after that and by the time they'd all settled at the table—after adding a couple of leaves to it to make enough room—it really did feel like a family dinner. All they were missing was Wanda, the kids, and a few of the other Avengers. But Sam and Sharon had a date that night, Wanda was with the kids at the Compound. Vision as well.

Natalia would make a point of going to see them the next day. For now, with the media circus growing outside, no one wanted them in the middle of it. The talk around the table revolved over everything from the reception to dresses to future plans—including Peter's upcoming college visits.

There were a half-dozen he wanted to see.

Rhodey immediately began to endorse MIT and at Tony's smug grin, Natalia had to hide another smile. He'd been laying off on pushing Peter toward it, but now that Rhodey was in?

All bets were off.

A foot nudged hers and she flicked a look over to Clint. Eyebrows raised, she waited. The bland expression didn't match the mischief in his eyes.

"You know, I bet he could make it work."

Oh. Not that this again.

"Clint," Laura warned and Tony flicked a look at them.

"Make what work?"

"C'mon, Nat, don't you think? I bet they could do it. They've got the know-how between them."

Natalia lifted her glass of wine as one by one the others glanced at them to see what they were talking about. Laura looked at her wine glass almost mournfully. "Have a drink for me?"

"Of course," she said before swallowing another mouthful.

"Make what work?" Tony repeated.

They had Pepper's attention now and Clint grinned. "C'mon, you know you want to ask."

"No," she told him blandly. "I don't."

Chuckling, Clint leaned forward. "C'mon, Nat. You don't think the hubby over there could figure it out? I mean you might have to wait for Peter to do it, but I'm thinking Tony would have it nailed."

"Keep calling Tony ‘the hubby’, Clint and we'll see how fast you get nailed," Natalia told him. She didn’t really care about the label, but Clint wanted to play so she’d indulge him—to a point. "My aim is pretty good and you are not that far away."

"Are you going to take my face...." He paused for dramatic effort for a long moment. "Off?"

Laura groaned and Tony stared at him a beat then yanked his gaze to her. Pepper spluttered and May pressed a napkin to her mouth before she could quite contain a laugh.

Natalia picked up one of the knives from the table and twirled it around her fingers. "That kind of surgery doesn't heal that fast."

"Still doable."

"Different blood types," Natalia countered. "Different body heights."

"But they made it work and we have the technology. Right, Tony?"

For his part, Tony just stared at him.

"Is this a serious debate?"

Natalia sighed and Peter turned wide eyes on her and she just shook her head. James and Steve stared at all of them with faint frowns and narrowed eyes.

"Yes, it's a serious debate. Think about it..." Clint just dove in and Natalia shared a look with Laura. They were going to be here all night. This was like one of his favorite topics and had been since the day he introduced this movie to her and she'd decided it was a good thing she liked him so much because it was a _terrible_ film with a _terrible_ premise and the most ridiculous things happened in it. "I could be anybody right now. Nat could be anyone. If they lasered her face off..."

She snorted. "Why bother? We have photostatic veils."

"Because we didn't have photostatic veils in the 90s and those can still malfunction."

Okay, she'd give him that one. Shaking her head, she returned to her food. Tony's bemused expression almost made her laugh.

"Anyway," Clint continued giving her a look. "So they laser her face off, set it over a base to give it the shape and set it in place on a new body who also has their face lasered off…” 

"Are they lasering off the bone structure, too?" Steve asked, his brows drawn together in a frown. "The skin's elasticity conforms to the underlying bone structure..."

"No, just the face." Clint mimed where the laser would cut. "Then you transplant it on the other person. The foundation plate does the contouring. So—here we have Nat."

Natalia gave him a look. "Do not drag me into your delusion."

"You're an example," he said. "Just go with it."

Another sip of wine. "No."

Leaning forward, Clint pinned her with a look. "Please?"

"Fine. So they have cut my face off and put it on someone else, so I am not actually here, I am a facsimile wearing my face only this is not my body. Nor am I actually me." The dry tone did nothing to hide her disgust at the idea. She toasted him. "I hope you don't mind if I usurped your wife's face there, Shellhead."

"I could say something," Tony retorted. "But I'll keep it to myself in mixed company."

"Thanks," Peter said with a grin. "Why are we cutting Mom's face off?"

"I'm making a point," Clint said.

"You're making something," Laura teased before covering her laugh with a cough and her napkin.

"My _point_ ," he latched back onto his topic like a dog with his bone. "The technology exists, partial transplants _have_ happened. Veterans, damaged by shrapnel or fire, we can do facial reconstruction so why couldn't someone just remove your face and put it on another person?"

"You know he's not letting this go until you engage, Nat," Laura said. "I think it's revenge for you kicking his ass."

Clint's smug smile dimmed and he gave Laura a look. "That's dirty pool."

"Yes and you should know better," she soothed him and patted his arm. "Now you started this. Nat, feel free to eviscerate him."

"What he wants me to do is take his face..." she gave it the pause he had earlier and it was Tony who groaned now, running a hand over his own face. "...off."

The disbelief in his chortle climbed.

Clint's flash of a grin was almost worth indulging in this conversation.

Almost.

"That kind of surgery, even on Natalia, would take time to heal," James said bluntly. "Not to mention, we would know if someone replaced Natalia or not."

"But would we?" Clint grinned twisting to meet James' gaze.

"I would. At the moment, I'm beginning to doubt you," James responded with a shake of his head.

Steve had his phone in his hand and Natalia bit back a laugh at his search. Tony was still trying not to choke and May looked over at Natalia with a question. "I feel like I'm both a part of and missing the joke."

"Agreed," Rhodey chimed in from where he was staring at Clint. "Are we sure that's Clint? I mean, he has his face, but he sure is talking crazy."

"It's Clint," Natalia and Laura said at the same time.

Then before much more could be said, Friday interrupted. "Boss, callout for the Avengers. Explosions down near the docks. Heavy gunfire. Russian Bratva presence. Police have dispatched tactical but they are asking for backup."

"Thank God," Tony said as he shoved his chair back. Even Steve looked relieved and they both frowned at each other. Natalia downed her wine and rose. That earned her several sharp looks.

"Don't," she said. "I'm going."

Peter bounced to his feet and there was no missing the worry on May's face. "I'll be okay," he told her.

Natalia and James shared a look and he nodded. He'd watch Peter, she'd keep an eye on Steve and Tony. Clint leaned down to kiss Laura. "Stay in the Tower." Rhodey was also on his feet. "All of you."

"Agreed," Natalia said. "Friday, bolt the doors and close the windows." Cloaky hovered near the steps but she shook her head at it. "Stay here and watch them please." When the cloak didn't argue, she focused on the mission ahead.

"We'll be fine," Pepper called as they diverted to grab gear and head for the quinjet. Tony and Rhodey weren't waiting.

They were already airborne by the time Natalia lifted off.

James put a hand on her shoulder. "Tell me you are good to do this Natalia."

The corner of her mouth kicked up. "I'm good to do this."

What's more, she was looking forward to it.

"Anyway," Clint said. "The point is, we have the technology, we could pull this switcheroo and no one would be the wiser."

Over the comms, Tony said, "Kill me."

She grinned. "Love me, love my best friend."

James snorted but Steve and Tony laughed.

"Hey," Clint said. "I—wait. I'm good with that. It means I can keep going."

***

The port was a mess. A series of explosions had ripped through numerous cargo containers upending them and tumbling others. It looked more like a giant had swept their hand across the whole mess and knocked them aside. Sporadic gunfire played with a rhythmic pop pop pop.

Tony and Rhodey were already working on getting the fires suppressed. SWAT met them as they were coming in. Their commander had gone straight to Steve, shaken his hand and then given him the situation. Natalia listened to the details she needed. The explosions began just after the shift broke for dinner. Still, there were casualties and at least fourteen men were unaccounted for.

Rescue efforts and fire suppression began as soon as possible when nearly two dozen armed gunmen arrived and opened fire on the first responders. A second series of explosions went off and there was now worry about a chemical threat. Steve shot her a look and she retrieved a rebreather and a mask from the quinjet. She tossed one to Clint, the next to James and then picked up one for herself and Steve.

Peter's suit could filter it.

"Take your men and secure the perimeter," Steve was telling the commander as Natalia fit the rebreather into place. Peter glanced over at her and while he wasn't bouncing in place, she could almost read the agitation in his posture.

"Cap, we've got a lot of fires here. Friday's mapping a path for everyone, watch your six."

Even as the SWAT team moved away, Steve slanted a look at them. "Clint, I want you high. Tony can you..."

"On my way."

Clint smirked and took three steps to get clear of them and was already braced as Tony swooped in to pick him up.

"Spider-Man," Steve continued. "You're with Buck, stick close. Sweep from the west in, Nat and I are taking east."

Natalia winked at him. "Behave," she told them.

"I won't do anything you wouldn't," Peter promised, the barest of hesitations in his sentence at the end like he'd edited out the 'Mom.'

"You won't do what she would," James informed him and Natalia bit back a smile. "Let's go." He set off at a run and Peter was already rushing after. At least he didn't have to strain to keep up. She stared after them a beat before yanking her head in the game.

Between one breath and the next, she slid into the Widow's skin, pulling it over her own. The last fight she'd been in had been the fight that ended with her Wakanda in the first place. The transition, once effortless, took her a moment and Steve shot her a look when she didn't fall into step immediately.

"We good?"

"Yep," she said. They were good. Some adjustment would be necessary. She couldn't recall a time in her life when she had been all of her. Good pieces. Bad pieces. All the ragged bits cobbled together in a patchwork golem given form.

He adjusted his stride to let her keep up with him, but that could all change in a fight and she didn't have a problem with it.

"We've got activity near the wharf," Clint said. "Cap, you and Widow will be on them in fifteen meters. Seven men. Armed. Looks like they're offloading something from one of the containers. We've also got a fire closing in on that side. Rhodes."

"We're on it," Tony said.

James and Peter sounded off, but James' responses were limited and curt. Details weren't required. Peter had questions, obvious from the querying note in his voice, but he kept them to himself. Natalia moved with Steve easily. A part of her exulted to being back in the field, she didn't need words to move with Steve and he wasn't throwing worry in her direction. They communicated with looks and hand signals.

A grin curved her lips as they neared the men calling out to each other in snappish voices and hurried Russian. Steve cut her a look as she moved a little closer but held his position when she lifted her hand.

The men were definitely Bratva. Lower level thugs. A drug shipment. She almost rolled her eyes. They were here to secure a drug shipment and their captain was snapping at them to move faster before the damn Avengers got there. Another scoffed that they weren't afraid of the Avengers. They didn't want to be there if the Red Devil found them.

Biting back a smile, she pointed to the top of the second container and then raised her brows at Steve. He raised questioning brows and she gave him the barest of shrugs and what was probably more a teasing look than an innocent smile. Then just mouthed, "It'll be fun."

The corners of his lips twitched and he slid his shield onto his back. She waited for him to shift his position and check the distance, then he cupped his hands together. A smile burst forth once as she checked her own distance and calculations then rushed forward, giving herself some speed before she placed her foot in his joined hands and he flung her up. She did a flip and landed on the top, in a crouched position as her legs absorbed most of the shock and then she rolled forward to spread out the momentum.

Perfect.

Rising, she glanced down at the armed men who were too distracted to keep their weapons in their hands as they rushed stacks of white powder from the container into their trucks. No way they could transport it all.

Steve was on the far side of the same little clearing, in position and waiting for her. She probably shouldn't enjoy this as much as she was about to, but what the hell... it had been a while.

Rising to her feet, she stared down at the men just as one of the searchlights hit her. The moment one of them spotted her, he dropped the drugs and fumbled for his weapon.

"...the red death..."

"...Slavic Shadow..."

The words floated up to her, but it was the choked and no less horrified, "Widow," that made her smile. She didn't wait for them to figure it out before she leapt. The next container was one down and bullets pinged off where she'd been. She made it to the third, then the fourth. The men were half-crazed when she landed on the top of their van and then slid down, catching the largest of their number with her thighs around his neck.

Weapon falling from his hand, he scrabbled at her but she was already twisting and flipping him. His head struck the van just as she loosened her grip and she rode his unconscious body the rest of the way to the ground.

Her shield flared to life when one bullet pinged off of it, but a second shield winged through the darkness and slammed into the guy firing. He struck the side of a container and didn't get up. Natalia tsked, disarming a third man and pulling the weapon apart before she took him down. It was almost a game and she wasn't shy about admitting to having some fun.

They weren't really tough, just big men with big guns and not enough brains in comparison to their brawn. When one guy was left, she locked gazes with him. Sweat poured from his head and he just dropped his weapon when she said, "Boo," and whipped around to run away only to run straight into Steve's shield.

The clang of him bouncing off it and collapsing shouldn’t have been so satisfying.

Or funny.

"Having fun?"

She shrugged. "I was, but now I'm bored."

He laughed softly.

In the background, James reported they'd snagged the rest of the Bratva soldiers. The faint curl of disgust in his voice deepened her smile. The fires were under control, but they still hadn't located the source of the initial explosion.

Despite being ahead of the destruction and arresting it so that the civilian crews could get in. There are still casualties and a long night of searching ahead of them to locate and identify any other potential problems. Natalia questioned the Bratva as they woke up, the street-level thugs were more than willing to babble everything they know.

Which amounted to nothing.

Tony and Rhodey hadn't paused once in their scans, too aware that if another incendiary was out there, a lot more people could die if it went off unchecked. The sheer number of containers in the port along with vessels, equipment, and warehouses made it a daunting prospect. Steve and James worked with the crews, splitting their attention between getting them in and out to do the searches while also keeping an eye out for anyone the team may have missed.

Peter was currently on overwatch with Clint, getting a lesson in assessment. It was almost amusing to listen to them in the background, but her attention remained on the Bratva being loaded onto transport vans for processing. They twitched, each one desperate to avoid her gaze.

They wouldn't get anything out of the lieutenants or the one captain with them.

"Nat," Friday snagged her attention with a quiet word. "The Russian delegate to the Committee has just arrived on the scene. His security forces are escorting him and he refuses to leave until he's spoken to you or Boss."

Of course, he was.

"I'll take care of it."

When the last of the Bratva men were locked into place and the doors closed, Natalia lifted her gaze to where a figure stepped back into the shadows. Yeah, she thought he'd be here. He needed to go because Tony and the others would have questions and it had been handled. For now, she left him alone as she headed for the perimeter area where the delegate wasn’t arguing with the police keeping him back, but he wasn't withdrawing either.

Despite their earlier meetings, they had avoided the sit down with the Russian portion of the committee thanks to the not-so-subtle attempts to remove Natalia followed by the incident with the Mandarin and her subsequent recovery. Even in the weeks in between, Tony and T'Challa kept them all at a distance. The quiet and sometimes not so quiet push they’d made to try and extradite her back to Russia hadn’t made them any friends among the Avengers. 

Sooner or later, they would have to return to those meetings but the Committee had already bent. The Avengers would help draft the new Accords, she’d already been working on select pieces of the language along with T’Challa. He wanted them to honor the spirit of his father while not being used as a noose to hang them. 

New Accords or not, they would always have to negotiate the politics.

At her approach, the cops actually looked relieved. The corner of her mouth twitched at the response. At a little over six feet with steel gray hair and pale eyes, Fyodor Turgenev stared at her grimly.

She knew him.

The flash of recognition was there.

Enough for her to place those eyes. At her approach, he put his cigar to his lips and puffed on it. He wore a wool coat over his suit, one that fit him but barely. He wasn't used to diplomacy. He'd been a soldier for far too long to be comfortable in the dance of politics, yet the deep grooves at the corners of his eyes and his mouth promised he'd arrived at this position in life via the hard road.

"Leave us," he told his security people curtly. The snap of his intonations and Muscovite accent as familiar as his eyes. The men assigned to his detail were not thrilled. The cops holding the perimeter shot her a questioning look and she lifted her chin.

"I have this. I know you have things to do."

The uniformed officer gave her a measured look then shot another toward the delegate before he nodded. He didn't believe her, but he'd let her do the job. That was fine.

"Widow," Turgenev grunted as he exhaled a stream of smoke.

Natalia fell into step with him as they followed the line of the wharf away from the action. "Colonel."

"I'm not a colonel anymore," he said, almost dismissively. "I'm diplomatic corps."

She snorted and he flashed her a hint of a smile.

"That is what they tell me. That is what I do." He shrugged.

"You're recently appointed to the position."

"To the U.N.?" It was a question she already knew the answer to and he had to know she knew. But he still offered it up like he had to consider it. "Yes. The former delegate met with an unfortunate accident."

At her arched brow, he puffed on the cigar seemingly unbothered.

"An actual accident, Romanova. They do happen."

She snorted. His security team followed at a discreet distance. The breeze off the water was cold but cleaner than the smoke and debris from the fires amongst the containers. If the wind shifted, that would change.

"Why are you here, Colonel?"

He paused and she took two more steps before pivoting to face him. She wouldn't have him or his security team at her back.

"I come to make peace," he said slowly. His mouth twisted as if the words held a bad taste, then he gave a little shake of his head before he sucked in another puff of his cigar. The tip flared red, but his expression didn't change. She waited him out. He wanted this meeting after all and he'd taken an interesting route to obtain it.

He cursed, but the word carried very little heat.

With a glance toward his escort and a jerk of his head, he sent them backing up several paces. He didn't want to be overheard.

"I come to make peace under orders," he finally admitted and Natalia allowed a faint smile to crease her lips. He glared at her, disgruntled as he scrunched his nose then shook his head. "Do not look so pleased, Romanova. You have not won anything yet."

"No?" She folded her arms and relaxed the rest of her posture, affecting the careless ease. Apparently, they were playing a game. She had the lead. "I don't recall seeking you out. Perhaps that was an oversight."

The corner of his mouth twitched. "Don't indulge an old man." It wasn't even a real snarl. "You taught me my lesson as a boy."

"Twenty-four was hardly a boy, Fyodor," she reminded him. If he wanted to bring up the past then so could she.

"Red?" Tony's voice carried a worried note. She tapped a response to her bracelet, trusting Friday to interpret the morse code.

"Boss, Nat says she's fine. To hold."

"I have eyes on Natalia," James said quietly, but she didn't bother to look. If he didn't want to be seen they wouldn't see him. And it didn't matter how far they were, James could watch her through the lens of a scope easily.

"Fine," he grunted. "You still broke my hand." He held it up for her. Two of the fingers were far more gnarled than the others. "It aches in the cold, you know."

She gave a shrug of one shoulder. "Gloves."

A raspy chuckle broke from him and he coughed, but it didn't slow his puffing on the cigar. "You always were a bitch." But he said it with such amusement, she smiled.

"It's not getting any warmer out here," she told him lightly. They hadn't abandoned the Russian once.

"No, nor is the message I have been sent to impart growing any easier to give voice to," he admitted.

"Nat, we're wrapping it up here," Clint told her. "Last fire is out. Scans are coming clean. This really looks like an accident that escalated and the Russians on site got antsy about their shipments."

Which was fine.

"You have two minutes," she informed him. "Then I'm going to return to finishing the mission and heading out. I am due a vodka or three." She kept it casual because whatever he had to say wasn't sitting well with him. More than a little twitchy, he puffed on the cigar like it was life-saving oxygen. The scent of burnt tobacco laced with a little too much cologne didn't quite hide the fact he hadn't showered before heading out here.

More information that his visit was not by choice.

A harsh exhale and Fyodor Turgenev, former colonel and a relatively young officer in the KGB in the year before she and James were wiped for the final time and she left, met her gaze. "The president has asked me to convey his most sincere and humble apologies for past transgressions with regard to your status both as a daughter of Russia and as a former, and most honored member of what was once the ruling party."

She didn't roll her eyes, but Clint's derisive snort followed by Tony's low whistle almost made her smile.

"What does he want?" James asked. It wasn't an unfair question.

"He would also," Turgenev said, the words clearly tasting foul on his tongue, "like me to extend his congratulations on your marriage."

"He wants an invitation," Tony said.

"Of course, he does," Clint drawled. "What an ass."

"And in light of that," Turgenev continued, the corners of his mouth twitching, "and as a show of goodwill, he would like to invite you and Mr. Stark to visit Moscow at your earliest convenience."

"Sure," Tony said. "How about sometime between never and over my dead body?"

"All right." Natalia turned the invitation over in her head. There was a lot not being said.

"He will also be arriving in New York tomorrow."

"And there it is," Clint said softly. Natalia didn't disagree.

Instead of answering Turgenev, she lifted her brows and he let out a sigh.

"Do we really need to play these games?"

"You started it," she reminded him.

With a flick of his wrist, he sent the remains of his cigar out toward the water then focused on her. "Members of the Committee have been invited to your reception."

"I'm aware."

"The president would like me to obtain such an invitation to him."

"He's aware that the U.S. president isn’t attending, right?"

"We kind of did invite him though," Tony told her. She’d seen the guest list. It was ridiculously power heavy, but Tony wanted a statement. A proof. It was as much tactical as it was a public statement.

"He is not available to attend," Turgenev responded. "His new Secretary of State is coming in his stead."

"Sorry, Red," Tony said. "I'm on my way."

She tapped a response. "Tell me why I should invite him?"

Turgenev stared at her.

"Boss, Nat says she has this."

Tony's silence on that was all the answer she needed.

"You want me to say it?"

"Not particularly," Natalia told him, unmoved by the little beads of sweat forming on his brow despite the chill. "You don't want him attending because that means you have to attend with him. You have zero interest in seeing me welcomed back to Russia."

"Yet, we have a vested interest in your success now," he countered. "The Russian Avenger."

She snorted. Natalia didn't even try to disguise her utter contempt. "I'm an Avenger. It doesn't require a nationality or sponsorship."

"You're also the property of Russia, but we are willing to overlook that." The snap tipped his hand and he swore. He scrubbed a hand over his face. "Fine, I hate this. I think it's ridiculous." He spit the last few words. "You are a traitor and should have been shot. But instead, now we have to make nice with you because that's what the president wants."

"Why does the president want it?" She'd much rather deal with the blunt dislike than the political double-speech. Particularly since Turgenev was terrible at it.

He stared at her. "Are you trying to pretend you don't know?"

"No, I'm not pretending anything. I'm just looking for confirmation."

"The Black Widow League."

The Black Widow League?

Tony's chortle echoed over the line and there was the faintest huff of laughter from Steve.

"They have become a driving movement in Russia, of course, you must know this. Your husband is likely funding it."

"I am now," Tony said, glee filling his voice and she couldn't roll her eyes but it was damn tempting.

"Just—consider inviting the president. He would like very much to make your acquaintance and to put to bed any issues regarding..."

"My extradition? Having me shot? Reclaiming stolen property?" With each word, his jaw tightened but Natalia gave him no quarter. "I'll consider it. Apparently, it's the event of the decade and the invitation list is very exclusive."

"Natalia," James said quietly. He wanted her to wrap this up.

"Yeah, Red, we're finished here. Give me the sign and I'll pick you up."

"We'll take it under advisement." Then because he'd chosen tonight, of all nights, to approach them while they were at the docks. "But since we're offering each other considerations, I have a suggestion for you."

His expression grew grave.

She didn't wait for him to acknowledge the offer. "The Bratva who were arrested tonight. They aren't your concern."

A muscle ticked in his jaw.

"Whatever they were after, it's been confiscated."

He nodded curtly. "As you say... they are not my concern."

"Good."

With one hand she motioned toward his men. "After you."

A flash of worry filled his eyes. He didn't want her at his back.

"Don't worry," she told him. "I have a ride coming to get me."

The whine of the repulsors followed hot on the heels of her sentence. She braced herself for pickup even as Turgenov shot a glance up.

"Mr. Stark."

"Mr. Delegate with the inappropriate timing and offer," Tony said as he hovered. "I'd chat, but I usually only do that by appointment. You understand." Not waiting for a response, Tony glanced at her. "Hop on?"

She laughed and took three steps and leapt even as he drifted closer. Locked around him, she didn't spare Turgenev or his men a second glance as they rose upwards and headed toward the quinjet which had also risen at the same time.

"I could have timed that better," Tony said.

But she shook her head, ignoring the cold wind and cutting a look back to where they'd been. Turgenev stared after them even as his security closed in around him. He didn't go for his phone. He really didn't want her to meet with the president.

That was interesting.

The channel on her comm switched with a soft beep and Friday's warning of "Channel locked."

"I can almost hear you thinking, Red," Tony said as they headed on an intercept toward the open back of the quinjet. "Read me in?"

"Let me finish puzzling it out, Shellhead," she murmured in response. "Old player. New game."

He didn't say anything and then they were on board. Tony braced her as she dropped her feet to stand and then his armor peeled back. James glanced at her, his gaze sweeping her from head to toe then he nodded. Peter stood near him, both of them steady on their feet as they achieved altitude. They were all dirty and sooty, but whole with not even much in the way of scratches.

As missions went, this one had been easy. 

Too easy. 

So why did that worry her?

"Anyway," Clint drawled. "What do you think, Tony? Could you take someone's face off?"


	47. Don't Forget to Remember Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natalia slips out of the Tower on the day of the party for some needed alone time and to read the letter from Will. She also has an encounter with a former ally and puts to bed any questions about her interest in her former life.

**Chapter 47**

_Don't Forget to Remember Me_

**Natalia/Natasha**

Natalia left the Tower early. The press had been camped out for the last two days hoping to get a glimpse of the personal guests of the Avengers, the dignitaries and more. The reception was going to be something of a nightmare. Twice, Tony had told her they could cancel if she insisted but she wouldn't. Strategically, it was the right call. They needed the publicity for the Avengers and to foster good relations with the dignitaries and other politicians in attendance. These were all things that would help them secure the Accords they  _ wanted _ .

More, Tony wanted the chance to show her off. She got that, too. While he had come leagues beyond the shallow playboy trying to fill the emptiness in his life with alcohol, women, and publicity, he still needed some reassurance and this party was less about their political maneuverings than getting to claim his place in her life publicly.

While anonymity was no longer an option, she still craved the ability to vanish. So, leaving a message with Friday about some errands she needed to run, she slipped out of the Tower early and into a cleaning van with some of Stark security. They got her past the press and the public that gathered behind some of the barriers put up by the police.

Tony had brought in extra security and had written a substantial check to the NYPD since they'd have to direct traffic away from the venue with so many notables arriving. It was going to be a zoo. Six blocks away, the van pulled over.

"Are you sure you don't want us to take you farther, Mrs. Stark?"

"I'm sure, boys, thank you for the ride. Have a good day."

They didn't argue as she slipped out. The coat she'd chosen was a heavy leather one and she'd tucked all her hair up under a knit cap. Jeans and boots completed it. She was also armed. Her bracelets. A pair of Glocks. Her knives. A set of keys were in her pocket and a small backpack with a few choice items.

They'd let her off near a stacking car lot and she entered the code to retrieve one of the vehicles she'd stored there. Little caches all over the city combined to give her gear or weapons or clothing and transport if she needed it when she needed it. The SUV here was just one she'd parked and paid for then forgotten until she needed it again.

The cold air nipped at her cheeks and she'd just slid into the driver's seat when her comm pinged. Activating it, she said, "I'm fine and I'll be back well before the party."

"Red, we talked about this."

Well, fifty-fifty it would be Tony or Steve. James would just follow her if he caught her on the move and she kind of hoped he hadn't. But if he did, he'd still give her space.

"We did, and I have my bracelets and my comm."

"And Friday has your tracking locked." The disgruntled note in his voice made her smile.

"She does because I asked for privacy."

A beat of silence before his voice gentled. "Are you okay? We can cancel the shindig right now, Red, if it's that."

She navigated through the light traffic, heading for the bridge to cross over into Brooklyn. "I know you would, but I also know what tonight means for you, and I'm not going to miss it. I promise."

"But you're okay?"

"I have some things I want to do and I'm fine. I promise, Tony. Friday can monitor me in silent mode, she knows this. If there's even a hint of trouble or if she gets cut off from me at all...she will alert all of you."

"I hate that you have to do that." At the same time, the relief in his voice took a bit of a weight off of her shoulders.

"It's fine, Shellhead. I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself and making tactically sound decisions—like not letting myself get ambushed again without someone knowing about it." Not that she had any intentions of being ambushed. "But I'll be back in time for the party."

"Pepper's gonna be pissed you're skipping all the pampering ahead of time," he mused.

"Oh well," she said without an ounce of remorse. "I'd rather get myself ready, anyway. I'm pretty good at doing my own makeup."

"Red?"

"I love you, too, Tony. I'm going to be fine. You take care of the stuff you have on your plate. Hang out with Peter, work on your designs. Take a nap."

"Come up to see me before the party?"

She smiled. "I will. Need me to help get your ready, Mr. Stark?"

His chuckled. "Something like that, but we might end up being late if I needed too much."

"It's your party..."

"Our party," he corrected. "Which means it'll start when we get there and they will wait for us."

"Hmm-hmm. Bye, Tony." The comm beeped. That would be Steve.

"Love you, Red." Then he hung up. She was on the bridge when the second call connected.

"You good, Angel?"

"I'm secure, soltnce moya. I'll be back before the party, I promise."

"I don't care about that as much," he admitted. "Just wanted to make sure you were fine and to let you know you probably have a shadow."

"I'd be more surprised if I didn't."

He chuckled. "You're not mad."

"James can't help it any more than I can. I needed the time to do some things, he'll let me have it, but he'll keep an eye on me so I'm not out on my own." And even a few months earlier, she'd have chafed under that grip. Before she remembered...

"Well, can I say that I'm glad my calling to check on you isn't bothering you either?"

"Yes," she said with a soft laugh. "I know I can be difficult, Steve. I've never pretended to..." She winced. "Scratch that, I've pretended to be a lot of things over the years. My need to vanish, to secure me and keep my distance—that's still there but not like before. I know who I am—all of me. All the disparate pieces that are broken and chipped. Before, I didn't even know what the shape of the missing pieces were. Now I have their color, their texture, and their taste. If James needed to go off to be alone, chances are, I'd follow him or..."

"Or send one of us with him to watch his back." He sounded relaxed and that eased her own concern. "The same way you send him after me when you worry about me or maneuver someone else on the team to look after another. You're always protecting us."

"It's part of who I am. I know the loss, even when I couldn't remember, I knew the loss. So, I will not begrudge him the need to shadow me for his own peace of mind and he will give me the courtesy of being alone to do what I need to do."

"Sounds good. A little warped, but also good."

She chuckled. "Love me, love my damage."

"Always," he whispered. "You ready for tonight?"

"Yes. Are you?"

"I get a twinge now and then, but you were Natalie Rogers first."

Natalia laughed. "Yes, I was."

"I'm going to work in my studio, buzz me when you're on your way back?"

"I will, and Friday's monitoring in silent mode. She's also pinging the bracelets regularly, if I vanish for any reason, you'll know."

He blew out a breath. "Angel, thank you."

"Of course, like I told Tony, I have no intentions of being stolen again. I have far too much waiting for me and far too many to fight for."

"And who will fight for you."

They had.

All of them.

"I'll see you soon," she promised and the call disconnected. The rest of the drive passed in near silence. It wasn't until she passed the street where she'd lived with Mary before turning toward Queens that she even admitted to herself why she'd taken this route.

It was one of the ways she'd traveled when she'd left Will that day before Natalie Rogers Fitzpatrick died and Natalia Romanova began her quest to retrieve her zvezda from their keepers once more.

Flurries of snow fell as she drove toward the cemetery. Mary and her husband were buried here, near Will. She'd come before but this was different. This time, she came with the package that May had given her. It had been sitting unopened on her floor since May gave it to her and she had a feeling she knew what it was.

It wasn't hard to guess, not really. Considering Will had known she was alive and he'd even fought for her with SHIELD. Even after reading his journals, she wasn't sure she was ready to read something written to her directly from a man that she had loved even if who she had been then hadn't been prepared to admit that.

It was nearly two hours after she left the Tower when she pulled into the little road that ran along the cemetery. After parking, she slipped out of the car and took her backpack with her as she made her way across the snowy landscape. The flurries continued to fall. It was supposed to clear out by later in the day, but the cold barely touched her as she followed the path by memory to where they were all buried.

Once there, she cleaned off the gravestones and touched Mary's name gently. If she were a woman who prayed, she might have said one but as it was, she could only whisper that she was sorry again before she moved to Will's gravestone.

Her first husband.

Her only husband until now.

Though that wasn't fair, James would have married her if it had been something they could have done so—no, not her only but definitely one she had cherished and owed so much to. Unzipping the backpack, she pulled out the envelope and scanned her perimeter. There was a couple at another grave but they were several rows over and had brought flowers with them.

She imagined James would have parked farther back and made his way over a wall. Though if he recognized where she was, he'd want to come see Mary himself before they left. Still, she gazed at the envelope then at the headstone.

Talking to the dead was something she should be familiar with. Since she didn't expect any answers other than what was in the envelope, she studied the stone in silence. Whatever it was, she could handle it. He'd kept his peace all those years. So if he'd written this to her or about her, he had a right to his say. She'd deliberately changed his life and then walked away without looking back.

She'd left him with what was most precious to her. She owed him this much.

Slitting it open, she braced for what was inside. A journal was the first to slide out, that didn't surprise her. Photographs were protruding from the front of it and she flipped it over to find a picture of her, Will, and Mary from their day at the boardwalk at Coney Island. The day of Mary's birthday.

The day before she left.

Natalia had avoided most pictures of herself on purpose, not because she wanted to rob Mary of knowing who she was but because she wanted to leave no traces. How had Will managed this one?

They weren't posed, but walking arm-in-arm, eating ice cream cones as they pushed Mary's stroller and she covered herself in ice cream. It was the most ridiculous picture and she swallowed a smile before tucking it back into the book then pulling out an envelope that was also inside. There were a series of micro-cassettes and a small cassette player. The chances of it having functional batteries were slim, so she left them in the envelope and put away the journal then stared at the front of the envelope.

_ Natasha Romanoff. _

Staring at her name, she tucked the package under her arm and did another quiet sweep of the perimeter before slitting the sealed envelope open.

The letter inside didn't surprise her, but she still took a deep breath before she unfolded it to read.

_ Natasha, _

_ A part of me hopes that I have a chance to speak to you before you read the letter or listen to the tapes, but I am writing this in the event that day never comes. I wouldn't call myself an old man but with Mary's death, I feel like I've aged a decade or more overnight. _

_ I am sorry about her death, Natasha. I hope you don't mind if i call you Natasha here. You'll always be my Natalie, but I know that you've become Natasha Romanoff almost exclusively and you seem to be building a life for yourself. I am very happy about that, not so happy about how SHIELD is using you. I've done what I could to try and minimize the honey pot missions and more, but Nick blocks me more each day. _

_ Natalie, no matter when you get this letter, I can't imagine it won't hurt. You have a grandson. We do. He's an amazing kid and I hope he gets to know you. Your daughter was an amazing woman, she was so like you that sometimes, I swore it was like you were looking at me from her eyes. _

_ The point of this letter was to tell you directly, I forgave you a long time ago. I never stopped loving you and I never stopped hoping you would remember. Then I realized I was getting old and you weren't, so maybe it was a good thing you didn't remember me. _

Natalia sighed because the letter rambled some as if he needed to work up his courage. The last page though seemed to be where he found it.

_ The micro-cassettes I've included are all the investigation I've been able to do into Mary's supposed 'accident.' She and Richard were only on that flight for their mission and while I understand accidents happen, I also know that powerful people will go to great extremes to cover their own ass. I need you to finish what I started if it remains unsolved. Nick told me he was putting you on this case, but he also pulled you almost immediately for another. _

She flicked her gaze up to look at the headstone.

_ If someone really set her up to die, I want them to suffer. Revenge may be a harsh word, but I think you will understand it like few others will. And no matter that circumstance, I want you to know Peter. I want you to have a chance to build the life you should have had before. _

_ If I never said it any other time, thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for bringing Mary into it. I love you, Natalie. I always will. _

_ Will _

Folding the letter closed, she sighed and slid it back into the envelope then into the package with the tapes. The journal held the picture from Coney Island and there was a note on the back.

_ Natalie and Mary, Coney Island _

The journal held a few other photos. Two more of Natalie alone and one with her and Will both. They were at the courthouse. Mary wasn't in the shot because she'd left her with Edwin and Ana. Natalie had dressed in a pale, eggshell-colored morning suit with a hat that shielded part of her face and Will had on a nice, dark blue suit. His grin had been wide and open.

She traced her finger over his face and then looked at the gravestone. He'd been aging while she wasn't. Tony would continue to age and she wouldn't.

A sigh escaped her.

Scanning the journal, she had to bite back a smile. He'd written it in code. The cipher would be in the letter. Because while he had written some of the other information in his other journals, he'd left the letter with this specifically.

Head tilted back, she closed her eyes. Sooner or later, her watcher was going to join her. The couple had moved on earlier, but a man had taken a seat on a bench a few rows away and while she could just barely see him, she recognized a guard when she spotted one.

The crunch of steps in snow warned her of his approach.

"He never stopped hoping you would remember."

"Well, Nick," Natalia said as she turned to face the former Director of SHIELD. "You would know. Since you two were close and all."

"It wasn't like that, Natasha." Like her, Nick wore a black leather coat over a dark, nondescript outfit. Sunglasses hid his missing eye and a knit cap covered his bald head. "You had no memory of those years. You had no memory of a lot of things. The past was a dark tunnel and you avoided discussing it."

His mouth tightened.

"And your psychiatrist played with my brain. Just like Pierce and the rest."

His shoulders slumped a fraction. It had been a while since she'd last seen him, but if Nick were to attempt another contact point with her—then tonight's party would be the best time. She needed to read the letter and if he were watching, this might be the place to lure him out.

"If we'd known..."

"Hydra grew inside of SHIELD, Nick." Natalia shrugged. "We all learned that the hard way. That beautiful parasite as Zola called it. It was rigged against us from the start."

"That doesn't change the fact I let you down."

"Or that you did the same things they did." She met his stare evenly. Yes, she remembered it all now. Remembered the choices she'd made. Volunteering to let them experiment because what else was she but a tool or a weapon.

"Natasha..." He took a step forward and a red dot appeared on his jacket front. Natalia had been expecting it, so she merely tilted her head as Nick froze. He glanced at his chest then at her. "Barton?"

"Barnes."

He grimaced. "He already tried to kill me once."

"Do you want an apology?" She raised an eyebrow.

The corner of Nick's mouth kicked a little higher. "I probably wouldn't get one."

"No," she told him honestly. "You wouldn't."

Exhaling, he raised his hands and took a step back then another. The laser pointer followed him. James didn't need that site to target someone. That was merely a warning. The only warning he'd likely get.

"Natasha, you have to understand why I didn't tell you."

"I know what you told Will," Natalia said. "He documented it."

Nick frowned.

"He was your friend. You used his wife to sexually bait traps and to gather intel. You kept her in the dark about the fact she had a child."

That actually made Nick look away. "I assumed you left them for a reason and for a while there you were still being hunted by kill squads."

"Not an unreasonable assumption."

"Then she died, Natasha."

"I'm aware." She didn't flinch or look away. "You sent me to handle the preliminary investigation, then pulled me for another mission."

"It was more critical at the moment..." To her surprise, Nick actually looked moderately ashamed but he shook his head. "I made hard calls and hard decisions. I can't turn the clock back. The woman you were when you came to us—you weren't his wife or that girl's mother. You were a ruthless, cold, assassin. You had no problems coloring in between the lines and you thrived on every single mission I gave you."

"Who are you trying to convince, Nick? Me?" Natalia folded her arms and raised her shoulders in a half-shrug. "Or yourself?"

"Neither," he admitted. "Apologies won't get us anywhere and I wouldn't mean them."

"At least you're honest about that."

"I'm sorry that you didn't have a chance to know her. It wasn't a risk I was prepared to take when you were still relatively unstable. I wish there were a lot of things that I'd known, including the Hydra elements conspiring within SHIELD to abuse you. I can't undo it."

"No one is asking you to, but this...Nick, we're not friends. We're never going to be friends. The woman who followed you and trusted you? Trusted you to make those hard calls and those decisions, blind? She doesn't exist anymore."

"No, but the woman I trusted to look after the Avengers, to run them after Phil died—she does."

"And she is an Avenger, she doesn't answer to you. Or your new SHIELD or the Phil Coulson who died but apparently got better."

He gave a half, unamused huff of laughter. "Yeah, he told me you and Barton are not very forgiving."

"What do you want, Nick?"

"Not getting my agent back." At least he understood that.

I shook my head once. "No."

"And if we run into issues where we need the Avengers?" The element of challenge in that statement made her laugh.

"We're not going anywhere. We'll be here when we're needed, but we don't work for you Nick or for SHIELD. Whether it goes public again or not. You want to call us in to help—you have to convince Steve that we're really needed."

"And that bit with the kid from Queens, the Spider-man?"

"He's none of your concern. Spider-man is an Avenger. We will look after our own."

Nick scratched at his jaw. "So this really is it..."

"What do you want, Nick?"

"I want my Natasha back," he admitted and at least he was honest. "I want the Romanoff back who got the job done. We could use you."

"You did use me, that's the problem."

He nodded. "There are some jobs..."

"No," Natalia told him. "I'm too high profile to do that work anyway even if I was interested, which I'm not. Stop trying to recruit me, Nick. Just stop. You need the Avengers, we're going to do our jobs. But the Natasha who worked for you? She doesn't exist anymore either."

That woman had been damaged, lost, and unaware of far too much. All she'd had were her skills and her wits and Clint. She still had those, but she had so much more now.

Rubbing the back of his neck, Nick nodded. "I had to try."

"And now you have to stop. I won't ask you nicely again." She wasn't asking now, but that was clear. "Don't come tonight. Don't try to ambush me again. You want to talk to us, you call, you come at us straight. Or don't bother to come at all."

"You and Stark?" Nick said after a moment.

Natalia lifted a shoulder. "It works."

"I thought it was you and Rogers—then I heard rumors about Barnes."

Rumors? He was fishing.

Nick narrowed his eyes. "Natasha, truthfully, for what it's worth. You were the best agent I ever had. I don't regret using your skills to their fullest. But I am sorry you were hurt on my watch. That's on me. And I'm sorry that my decision cost you knowing about your child."

"For what it's worth," Natalia told him. "Don't do this again. Walk away, leave me alone. You don't want me as an enemy." And he definitely didn't want the others as enemies either. "The Avengers will do their job, we will protect the Earth. But we're not your janitors and we're not cleaning up after you. Go see Phil and his team."

"Nat...cut Phil a break. He wanted to tell you. All of you. But it was too tricky and I blocked him. Then it went too long..."

"Everyone makes choices, Nick. Phil made his and you made yours. We're making ours."

He dropped his chin and nodded. Then he reached into his pocket. The red light on his chest reappeared and he smirked. "I'm giving you my card." What he pulled out was a small business card and he set it on the headstone next to him. "My numbers. I'll always answer. I'm glad you got it all back and many happy returns to you and Stark. If anyone can tame him, that would be you."

With that, he saluted and walked away. Natalia tracked his path out of the cemetery. His backup at the bench left as soon as he did. The sound of a single engine in the distance starting, then going quiet as it pulled away until she was alone with the breeze, the snow, the cold, and the graves.

Well, not alone.

She glanced at the card and pulled on gloves before picking it up. She memorized the numbers then crumpled it. It needed to go into a trash can. Turning toward the far side where the laser pointer had to have come from and the pair of crypts in the distance, she picked James out between a pair of angel statues.

Mouthing, "Thank you," she blew him a kiss. "Want to come see Mary?"

He joined her a few moments later and gave her an almost abashed smile. "You knew I was following."

"I got away too easily," she told him with a laugh and bumped his shoulder. "I just wanted to come here, read the letter from Will, see her—have some time to think."

"And bait Fury."

"It was a calculated gamble. I would rather deal with him here than at the party tonight where Tony would take some offense." Not to mention James and Steve.

Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, James pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Did you get what you needed?"

She nodded. "For now." Leaning into him, she stared down at the graves. "Did you bring your bike?"

He nodded.

"Follow me back?"

A faint smile tugged at his mouth. "Always."

Natalia glanced around the cemetery again. "Are you ready for tonight?"

"Are you?"

Something inside of her settled. "Yes," she said glancing up. "I am. I think I'm ready to do this and then get it over with so we can work on finding out what happened with Mary's plane crash. And get on with our lives."

Time to focus on them and train up the Avengers. Maybe taking a step back from all of it.

Maybe it was time.

It was only half-formed in the back of her mind, but she wanted—more.

And it had been a long time since she let herself want anything.

"I want to go away with Tony for a couple of days, too," she admitted. "After all this is done. I owe him a date and..."

"You want time together. I know, kotyonok. Make him take you to his island. We can go too, be security."

She laughed.

"I like that island."

"Me, too." He squeezed her shoulders. "Come on, it's cold."

They both paused and put a hand on Mary's gravestone, before they turned to go. She dropped Nick's crumpled card in the trash as they headed down to the SUV.

Only after she was in the driver's seat and he braced his hands on the frame before giving her a kiss did she tease, "A laser sight? Really?"

He shrugged. "It was fun. He reacted like a scalded cat."

Laughter escaped her.

"Will you tell me about the package?"

She set it on the passenger seat and nodded. "A letter from Will, another journal—" She paused and pulled out the photos then held them over to him. The naked want on his face as he stared down at the images of Mary and her made her ache. "And some on his investigation into what happened to Mary."

"Can I keep this one?" James asked for the photo of her and Mary alone.

"Yes."

He gave her a swift, hard kiss. "You did the right thing, Natalia. Don't question it now. We will find out what your Will left for us and we'll avenge her. But you made the right call and I never doubted it."

With a brush of his thumb to her cheek, he added, "You made the right call about Fury, too. No one needed to see Steve throw him out on his ass. He won't put up with any of them coming for you. None of us will."

"I know," she told him and leaned into the touch.

"Now, Mrs. Stark," he said with a snort. "Straight back to the Tower? Or would you like to take another wandering route through Brooklyn?"

She laughed at him. "You weren't going to lose me and I had some things to think about."

"I'm never losing you again. Sixty seconds." Then he was gone and she pulled the door closed and attached her seatbelt.

"Friday?"

"Yes, Nat?"

"Did you get all of that with NIck?"

"I did. You want me to forward it to Boss?" Her Irish lilt seemed even more pronounced, as though she were irritated. "I'm making sure we have all angles covered and I'm going to scan for holo masks too. I don't want him crashing the party."

"He won't." Nick hadn't been lying when he said he was sorry and he backed off. For now, he would leave it alone until he found a way to lure her or Clint in, hook them up with a mission and try to soften them that way. "And no, just let Tony and Steve know he was here and I had a talk with him and I'm fine. Lock the recording to my voiceprint."

Neither needed any reminders of the work she'd done for Nick.

"You got it, Nat. Are you heading back now?"

"I am, but don't tell anyone—I'd rather get ready on my own."

"Your secret is safe with me, Ms. Potts was already perturbed that you escaped before the hair and makeup people arrived."

Natalia chuckled. "She'll survive."

James didn't hide his follow on the way back, nor did she take too long a route out of the way. The visit had done what she needed it to do. Settle at least one ghost.

For now.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello darlings,
> 
> You have my profound apologies for the months-long absence. As many of you have figured out, I actually write for a living in real life. My schedule has been pretty crazy and the demand, coupled with everyone at home has literally left me with no time for myself. But I've spent three months trying to get my schedule to resemble something normal that lets me have time to write my books (that I love) and write this world (that I also love). I can't promise there won't be some lag between chapters. If I can get back to daily without losing too much in quality or my overall commitment, I absolutely will. 
> 
> In the meanwhile, for everyone who has been checking on me and leaving messages, I have seen them. I appreciated them so much, I just also felt terrifically guilty that every time I said, I'll do this tomorrow, that grew from one day to a month to two months, etc. Without further ado, let's get back to Nat, Tony, Steve, James, and the rest. 
> 
> Things are about to get interesting. *winks*


	48. Party Rock Anthem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Nat get some much needed alone time.

**Chapter Forty-Eight**

_ Party Rock Anthem _

**Tony**

_ "Good afternoon, Manhattan, there are barricades up along Columbus Circle as the city braces for what promises to be the hottest ticket in town with a bash at Avengers Tower thrown by none other than perennial bachelor—or should I say former perennial bachelor—Tony Stark and his new wife, Natasha Stark. The Avengers power couple is all anyone has been talking about the last few months and this evening dignitaries from around the world, celebrities, and superheroes will gather at Avengers Tower to celebrate their nuptials..." _

_ "What's up in the five boroughs? If you've been living like a cave troll the last few months, you might have missed the big shindig threatening to shut half the city down as the elite pour in for the hottest party in town. That's right folks, if you have a billion dollars, a title next to your name, or maybe your face on a poster—or your body in a skin magazine—you too could be rubbing elbows with the movers and the shakers in our world..." _

_ "I'm telling you, Bob, it's a stunt. The whole thing is just a stunt. Tony Stark married Natasha Romanoff to help her avoid prosecution and this is just another smokescreen throwing up shiny lights and some smart talk to make us look the other way..." _

_ "Oh, I think it's romantic. You know they've known each other for years. There's pictures of them together in Monte Carlo a long time before the Battle of New York. And you know when his former paramour, on-again/off-again lover Pepper Potts, who is still the CEO of Stark Industries by the way, is endorsing the relationship that it's the real deal." _

_ "I can't begin to tell you how much I don't care that they're married or having a party. The fact they think they can just shut traffic down until it's a nightmare of gridlock because they want to serve expensive canapés and drink until dawn is the worst. Be superheroes, but don't be superdouches. Am I right?" _

_ "So, let me ask you this, how long before we see a little baby bump on the former "Widow" and should we be calling her the Iron Widow now? Or would that be just foreboding for the Iron Man?" _

"Mute," Tony said as he leaned back in the chair. "I'm not seeing much more than some bullshit speculation and ratings grabs."

"Ms. Potts is at the door, Boss."

Tony swiveled from the redesign he was considering for the quinjets. The stealth mode and power modifications were holding up well, now he wanted to add a few more creature comforts along with functionality to them. "Am I late?"

"Not that I'm aware of, Boss. Nat's still on her way back and your alarm to go shower doesn't go off for another eleven minutes."

That was good. He tossed one of the tools onto the desk. "Am I in trouble?"

"Ms. Potts doesn't appear to be upset nor is her pulse elevated. She is, however, tapping her foot and glaring at the camera."

He studied the monitor a beat then squinted with one eye. "Yeah, that's her ‘almost irritated’ face. Keep an eye on things and if that changes, tell Red to come and rescue me."

"Will do, Boss."

The door opened and Tony pivoted all the way around on the stool and waved to Pepper. "Good afternoon, Pep. Aren't you supposed to be in a primping appointment with all the other ladies?"

"I came to see if Natasha was hiding in here," she said as she strode in. Dressed in a silk blouse and slacks, she looked cool and put together. Her cosmetics were flawless and her hair styled. She likely only needed to slip into her dress for the evening and she was ready to go.

"Hiding?" He grinned. "Red?" Spinning around on his stool, he put both hands to his mouth. "Oh Red? Come out. Come out, wherever you are!"

Pepper swatted his shoulder and Tony chuckled as she only half-glared at him. "I also came to see if you were getting ready. It wouldn't do to be late to your own party."

"You do realize that by definition the party doesn't really get started until we're there, right?" Oddly the more uptight Pepper seemed, the more relaxed he became. Though it wasn't until she paced away from him almost restlessly that it hit him how agitated she was. "What's up Pep?"

"Just don't want anything to go wrong."

"That should be my line," he reminded her and stood, tossing the spanner on the table before crossing to where the coffee waited. Bless Friday, she had made him fresh. "Everything is taken care of, security is on point, PR is running the show, Friday is doing a constant facial scan and identification, the Avengers are in residence and ready to go and we're headlines."

Putting the mug in front of her, he leaned back against his worktable and took a sip of his coffee.

"So tell me, what's really bothering you."

She turned on smartly on her designer heels. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine."

The intensity in her stare threatened to unnerve him like he'd answered a test question wrong. "Really?"

Frowning, he met her stare. "Should I not be?"

"You're usually more..." She spread her hands then picked up the mug.

"Me?" He offered up as she took a long drink and then sighed.

"Yes."

"Well, there's still time. But no, I'm good. And here I thought you were going to yell at me for her wedding present."

"Why would I yell at you for her wedding present?" She narrowed her eyes. "Tony, what did you do?"

A small measure of glee filled him. At least she wasn't worrying unnecessarily anymore. "You'll see," he promised, then made a show of looking at his watch. "Oh, is that the time? I have to go get ready now. Grab something to eat and have a glass of wine," he called over his shoulder as he carried his coffee with him. "It's going to be a great party."

"Tony," she called hurrying after him, but he was already in the elevator. Grinning, he gave her a little wave as the doors closed. "Tony!"

A chortle escaped him.

Pepper had been nervous because he wasn't. Hopefully, the distraction would hold her until the party. Because he couldn't wait for it.

_ "With all the focus on the reception tonight, star watchers have been reporting in from the airports and from the streets right outside Avenger's Tower for the high profile arrivals. The U.S. Secretary of State will be in attendance along with the U.S. Secretary for Defense. The Secretary-General of the United Nations along with diplomats from more than eighty-one countries are attending in person tonight while another hundred or so have sent representatives or gifts ahead of time. It's truly a who's who of the political landscape. What has tongues wagging all the way from D.C. to Moscow though is the arrival of the Russian president on U.S. soil along with his chief diplomats. Could it be that the Russian president was invited when the U.S. President is not going to be there? Will there be a change in plans? Join us here in thirty minutes as we dive into the politics of Tony and Natasha Stark." _

_ "Right now, we're coming to you live just outside Avengers Tower and if you look behind me, you can see that Captain America has come outside to see kids who have been out here for hours despite frigid temperatures. About three hours ago, portions of the Iron Legion descended to a flurry of cheers and they brought with them heat lamps specifically to keep these kids and families warm. There's a rumor that Iron Man will be joining Captain—oh wait, there's Black Widow herself and the Winter Soldier and if I'm not mistaking—-" Screams and cheers drown out the reporter's words. _

**Natalia/Natasha**

James was right behind her as she stepped out into the icy air. She'd taken enough time to get something to eat and change when they'd gotten back to the Tower and spoken to Tony when Steve brought up the fact there were kids behind the barricades waiting with signs and cards for the Avengers.

Natalia hadn't hesitated and after a swift consult, she'd gone for her uniform as had Tony and James. Tony said he'd be down in a minute and Peter landed much to the shrieking delight of the crowd only a few seconds behind her and James. Stark security had a significant presence along with on and off-duty NYPD and the Iron Legion was also out here.

One of the officers, an older woman with a generous smile, gave her a small salute as Natalia headed for one section of the barricades. Steve had already engaged the kids and phones were up snapping pictures and he was signing things.

One of the kids was yelling for James—"Sergeant Barnes!" And Natalia had to bite back an amused smile at his surprise as he realized there were kids excited to see him. They'd made the decision to only visit for thirty minutes, but they wanted to encourage families to head out before they got too cold.

"Thank you," Natalia said the officer.

"My pleasure, ma'am," the cop said with a wink. "If you're looking where to start, there's a group right over there that have been here since first light this morning."

Following her nod, Natalia smiled at a huge group of girls, all kitted out in similar outfits like they'd dressed for easy identification purposes. She made it two steps toward them when they let out screams worthy of welcoming the Beatles.

To be honest, she didn't get it then and she didn't get it now. Eyebrows raised, she closed the distance as the kids pressed closer to the barricade and the volume level redoubled. Somewhere behind her, there was shouting from members of the press, but security kept them back. The Avengers hadn't come out here for the reporters, they came for the kids.

"Mrs. Black Widow, ma'am!" one of the girls called.

"It's Mrs. Stark," a girl next to her loudly corrected. "Or Agent Romanoff...wait..."

Schooling her features, Natalia nodded to the women shepherding the kids but kept her focus on the girls. "Good afternoon," she began. "You may call me whatever you want. Though I'm not technically an agent anymore."

"So Black Widow?"

"That's fine," Natalia assured her. "What's your name?"

"I'm Stephanie," the first girl said excitedly. "I'm nine."

"I'm Beth."

"I'm Christy!"

"I'm Tonya..."

They all called out their names and thrust out little books that had— _ Black Widow League  _ inscribed on them.

"We're your biggest fans," little Stephanie assured her as Natalia signed the book. The barrier was nearly as tall as the kids, so Natalia motioned for them to take a step back and then whistled. That got her Steve's and James' attention as well as Spider-Man's, but it was the closet Iron Legion that turned to focus on her.

"Friday, can we shift this some so I can actually see the kids?"

"Of course," the Iron Legion bot answered, then strode toward her. The girls squealed and to Natalia's pleasure, the crowd eased back more rather than pressing in closer. Gripping the barrier, the drone lifted it and then brought it back a few inches to create more space.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Turning away slightly, she murmured, "Sentry mode, protect the kids first."

"Understood," Friday answered via her comm. Natalia hopped up onto the barrier itself and sat cross-legged. The girls let out a shout and crowded in again. At least here she could see them and she signed book after book. More than one flashed her their Black Widow League t-shirt.

That was clearly not going away.

She was, however, determined to sign every single book they offered her and it only took her a moment to decide to sign them with the Stark name. They were here because of the reception, so she'd honor that.

The familiar whine of Tony's repulsors signaled he was making his grand entrance. She glanced over her shoulder as little Stephanie literally squeed. Amusement curved through her because he'd even done the full  _ superhero _ landing. Straightening, he clonked over to where she was, all the while waving to the crowd.

"He's coming this way!!" Beth jumped up and down and the women overseeing them laughed, but they had their phones out. The mom who had been videoing Steve and James the whole time immediately switched to point her phone at Tony.

Not that Natalia could fault her for her taste. Steve and James were far more interesting in her book, too.

"Excuse me," Tony said via his mask. "Can you kids help me out?"

They'd quieted at the first request, then all yelled at once, "Yes!"

Little Tonya tacked on, "Hi Iron Man."

"Hello," he said, head tilting and the sun glinted off the gold of his helmet's mask. Extending his hand, he engaged the holoprojector on his gauntlet and her image popped up. "I'm on the hunt for my wife, could you tell me if you've seen this woman anywhere? She's fled the Tower to hang out with far cooler people, but I need to steal her back."

Amusement curved through Natalia at his playfulness. Spider-Man's snort of laughter carried even as the kids in front of her all shook their heads solemnly. "No, sir, Mr. Iron Man, we haven't seen her."

Stephanie's angelic little face didn't crack once. Natalia was impressed. Of course, her playful wink at Natalia ruined the effort but it was all in good fun.

"Oh," Tony said, sounding almost disappointed if you didn't know him. "I was really hoping the Black Widow League would know exactly where to find her. I haven't seen her all day and I miss her."

Beth tugged on Natalia's leg and nodded at Iron Man excitedly as though asking her permission. Natalia made a great show of thinking about it as she signed the last little notebook and passed it back then winked and nodded.

"Okay," Tony continued, all dispirited. "I'll see if I can find her somewhere else..."

"Mr. Iron Man, sir!" Beth shouted.

He turned, all dramatic and stuff and she twisted slowly so she could enjoy the reaction herself.

"We found her!" Beth yelled and the other kids cheered and all of them pointed at Natalia. Clutching his chest, Iron Man made a huge show of snapping his head up to look at her.

"Mrs. Stark!" Laughter eddied in his voice.

"Mr. Stark," she teased him.

"There you are."

"Here I am."

His helmet flipped up and the kids squealed more and then his armor slid back and retracted until he was just Tony in a pair of jeans, a rock band t-shirt and a light jacket. "I've been looking for you everywhere."

"Everywhere?"

"Well, you know I like to be thorough." He winked and she grinned. "I figured this would be the next best place to find you."

"Congratulations, you have succeeded."

He reached the barrier where she sat and placed his hands on either side of her and when he dipped his head, she grinned.

"May I?" he asked a breath away from her lips.

"You may," she murmured and then he kissed her. The screams and cheers buzzed around them, but Natalia lifted a gloved hand to press against his cheek. Her bare fingers grazed the smooth skin as he chased her tongue gently with his own. Warmth flooded her at the sweetness in the kiss that both welcomed her and asked for more. The hint of demand as he sucked on her tongue had her toes curling in her boots.

If they were anywhere else, she'd climb him like a pole for that kiss. As it was, he slipped his hand around her nape and tugged her hair ever so gently to get her to tilt her head and then he deepened the kiss until the cheers turned to sighs and squeals.

"Boss," Friday said into the comms. "You're streaming live on four different networks."

Tony chuckled against her lips and his eyes flashed open. Mischief danced in them. "Want to see if we can make it all of them?"

Nose wrinkling, she murmured, "I'm not flashing my boobs."

That earned her a real laugh and he glanced down at the kids who were all staring at them as he massaged her neck lightly. "Who wants a picture with both of us?"

Hands went up everywhere, including the moms. It took a little managing, but Tony suited up and then they took time to pose with every single one before they had to move on to the next group and the next. What was only going to be a short trip outside turned into nearly two hours. Eventually, Falcon and Vision showed up along with War Machine and they tackled the next round of greetings and pictures.

It tickled Natalia that Peter got almost as many demands for photos as they did, if not more. The friendly neighborhood Spider-Man was popular.

"Kid's gonna outshine us all," Tony murmured against her ear, though it was via her comm.

"Yes, he is." Pride flooded her.

"Ready to go?"

She glanced over at him. Some of the crowd had diminished, at least the younger kids and there was still a couple of hours before she needed to get ready for the party.

"Sure," she said. "What did you have in mind?"

"Hey, guys, don't mind me, but I'm stealing our girl," Tony said over a private line as her comm beeped. James and Steve glanced over at them and Steve nodded but James snorted.

"Bets on Natalia. Just lift a pinky if you need a rescue, Doll."

It was her turn to laugh.

"Brace for pickup, Red." She was already loose when Tony scooped her up and there were shouts from the crowd and more phones aimed at them. Her bracelets activated and a windshield extended up to cover the lower half of her face. Then they were airborne and she whooped.

Fuck it.

She really did love the flying part.

Tony made the ascent to the penthouse at speed and they were inside the doors, his suit was off and her shield lowered and then he kissed her again. Alone, she indulged in the urge she'd had to resist at the barrier and hitched her legs to his hips and around him as he slid a hand to her ass.

A throat clearing made Tony groan. "Friday...what did I say about privacy?"

"In all fairness, I was here before you went down," Pepper teased and Natalia laughed as she caught the other woman grinning at them.

"Don't take this personally, Pep," Tony said, not looking away from Natalia. "But go away."

"I thought we could..." But she was teasing and the laughter escaping her made Natalia grin as she slid her fingers through Tony's hair.

" _ Go away _ ," Tony repeated. "That's what you thought."

"Fine, I'll give you lovebirds a half hour."

"Ninety minutes," Tony insisted.

"Thirty," she countered and Natalia chuckled as they snapped back and forth.

As soon as Pepper was in the elevator though, Tony said, "Privacy mode, lock down this floor." Then he kissed her and Natalia smiled against his lips.

"Thirty minutes, Mr. Stark?"

"Ninety, and there's a lot I can do in ninety, Mrs. Stark."

Hmm... "Challenge accepted."

His eyes lit up.

_ "I have to say, Alicia, seeing Tony and Natasha Stark out there talking to those kids, working together—you can feel the palpable chemistry and it's there in every move they make. Pretty sure that hot kiss didn't hurt anything, either." _

_ "Thanks, Bob, we're down here at Avengers Tower and as you can see the crowds have just been growing throughout the day. There were a lot of kids here earlier, but the Avengers—including Tony and Natasha Stark came out to see the kids and to take pictures with them. The Avengers were very focused on their efforts to make sure those kids all got an experience and they even helped to get them out through the heavy crowds so they could go home." The reporter motions behind him toward the Iron Legion. "For the rest of us, they've also provided these heat lamps and rumor has it, food trucks are coming in with complimentary meals for everyone." _

_ "I'm just outside of Columbus Circle where a series of limousines and security vehicles are being scanned before they are admitted through the barricades. The attention to detail, the security here tonight is impressive with no expense being spared. While this might be the hottest ticket in town, it's likely to also be the safest when you consider the hosts are the Avengers themselves. I gotta say that I wish I was on that guest list. Considering what they have going on down here, I can imagine the party itself is gonna be something extra." _

**Tony**

Fuck, kissing Nat was everything. Part of him wanted to just set her down on the sofa and give in to every make out fantasy he'd ever had where she was concerned. But the rest of him had every intention of doing this right. Balancing her, Tony strode for the stairs to his bedroom.

Privacy mode had darkened the windows but he didn't care. The floor was locked down, the windows darkened, and unless it was a real emergency—he gave that a solid fifty-fifty chance—no one would interrupt. While he wasn't going to waste the time they were stealing, he wanted to savor it, too.

The press of her lips against his ear after she nibbled a path along his jaw went straight to his cock and it strained against his jeans. Fuck, he was glad he'd already showered and shaved.

"Moy umnyy," she murmured and he shuddered. Full body shuddered like he hadn't in a long time. Lifting his head, he paused in the middle of the bedroom. If she wasn't ready for this, there were a lot of things he could do to entertain them—hell, even just holding her was enough for him no matter what his dick thought.

"Red?"

The soft leather of her gloves grazed over her skin as she cupped his face. "I love you," she whispered. "Your sarcasm. Your wit. Your stubbornness. Your brilliant, unstoppable mind."

"I'm all right," he said as he took another couple of steps forward. At her amused look, he grinned. "Fine, I'm pretty awesome, but then of course I am, I'm me."

"Yes, you are," she whispered before kissing him again. The soft brush of her lips turned firm. He tasted the coffee she'd drunk earlier, the hint of toothpaste and something more, indefinable. A taste he'd come to associate with Natasha. With his Red.

His.

"I love you," he said in between kisses as he set her down slowly. Almost instantly, he missed the pressure of her thighs and the sweet weight of her slowly rolling against him. He threaded his fingers through the riot of curls. She'd had this sexy hair the day Natalie Rushman sauntered into his life and rocked his world.

Skating his gaze over the armor of her uniform, he licked his lips.

"You're like every damn fantasy I've had." His neck went hot at that admission and her eyes softened as she stripped off the gloves and then went for the belt. There were zippers and buckles layered into the suit and he traced her every move as she began to strip it off.

His mouth went dry at the hint of dark lace peeking through and then the red appeared. "You're usually in something more practical," he murmured as he indulged a desire and traced a finger down from her collarbone to the swell of her breast pushing up over the lace that didn't hide the dimpling of her nipples.

To be honest, the lace hid absolutely nothing.

"I try to prepare for every mission specifically."

"Am I the mission today, Red?" He followed the line of the lace, loving how her nipple pulled even tighter. Her shimmy to push the form-fitting suit down over her hips had him sucking in another breath.

"No." The single word dragged his attention from the sweet V where the lacy bottoms reminded him of just how bare her pussy was. So many things he hadn't focused on. When his gaze hit her eyes, she smiled slowly. "You're my husband." There was so much more emotion in her eyes than he was used to seeing and it silenced any smart-ass remark he might have made. "I said goodbye to my first husband today. I needed to...and now I'm here with you. Tonight, this afternoon...the red lace was for you."

"You are so much more than your body," he told her, even as he traced his fingers over her smooth abdomen and the ridges of the scar of a bullet wound that had pierced there. So many of her scars were gone. But she was still his Red. "You're beautiful, never doubt that—and as hot as this body is and as many fantasies as I've had about fucking you against a wall, a desk, on my workbench and a couple in my suit..."

At her raised eyebrow, he grinned.

"Sorry, I am a man and you are—you."

She was out of her uniform now, her boots were off and it was just a half-naked Natasha in her red lace panties and bra and his cock all but pulsed at the image she painted.

"But as much as I want you, I love just being near you, talking to you, arguing with you, solving puzzles with you..."

The caress of her fingers over his lips had him quieting for a moment then she was shoving off his jacket.

"My point is Red, your mind? It really is the sexiest thing about you. I want to crawl in there sometimes and just live there, wrapped up in you."

Her fingers skimmed his abdomen as she lifted his t-shirt.

"Too weird?" he checked.

Her lips curved a little higher. "I've heard weirder."

"Good." He blew out a relieved breath that he sucked in against as her nails trailed over his skin, leaving goosebumps in their wake as she pulled his shirt up. "Wait..." He tugged it the rest of the way over and off as she flattened her palms against his chest. "What are the parameters of weird? Cause you know, I think that wanting to inhabit your brain is pretty strange."

"Would you be living in my brain with me?" The first button on his fly loosened then the zipper dropped and he forgot the conversation.

"I'd live anywhere with you." Cool air hit his dick because unlike Red, he hadn't gone for something sexy. It tended to bind and chafe in the suit anyway, so just as easy to go commando. "I just want you."

Natasha stroked the hard length of him with the back of her knuckles before she dipped, pulling his jeans down. Instead of standing again after he was out of them, his shoes were gone too. He wasn't even sure when the shoes came off. The caress of her hands on his thighs reminded him he really didn't care when they came off.

"Red," he whispered, and then her mouth slid over his tip of his extremely eager dick and he was torn between tilting his head back to savor the feeling of her hot, wet mouth sucking him in like her favorite treat or watching as his dick vanished between those sweet, kiss-swollen lips.

The first stroke as she released him and then swallowed him again did have his eyes rolling back as he tilted his head. The feeling was everything, heat, fierce pulling, and the gentle threat of her teeth. Then she stroked the underside of his cock with her tongue and he gritted his teeth as the tightening of his balls.

"I don't want to come down your throat the first time," he panted and ran his fingers through her hair. Don't pull it. It was the only thing she'd ever mentioned to him in passing. She didn't care for having her hair pulled.

Those fathomless green eyes opened and he stared down into them as she sucked and stroked his cock, her touch lighter and far more teasing. It wouldn't make him come, but it might drive him mad.

"That..." He let out a ragged breath. "You can do all you want."

She laughed around him and he had to fight the urge as she swallowed him to the point he bumped her throat. No sooner did he think he was going to lose it then she would back off and the edging had his thighs trembling and his hands itching to touch her.

The scrape of her nails over his ass made him thrust and he hesitated, but the look in her eyes was an invitation and she relaxed her mouth.

"I love you," he exhaled. Of course, she'd be a fucking expert at this. But it reminded him, he had his own talents and it was going to be his turn soon.

And he had a new goal in mind.

Make Natasha scream.

A few shallow thrusts and when he pushed deep, she took all of him and he savored the feel of her throat convulsing around him and the bump of her nose. Then before he could give in to that temptation, he pulled back and his cock protested.

It would live.

Reaching for her, he caught her hands and pulled her up. He kissed her, thrusting his tongue against hers. She sucked the pre-cum right off of him. The saltiness of it lingered in her mouth. The bra was off with ease and he explored her curves as he maneuvered her toward the bed.

Only when she was lying down and he had her thighs over her shoulders did he murmur, "Get comfortable, Mrs. Stark—I've wanted to do this for a long time." 

**Natalia/Natasha**

The speed and ease with which Tony finished stripping her amused Natalia to no end. He didn't tear out the crotch or rip off the lace, he slipped it away like a thief. From the first moment she'd wrapped her lips around his cock, the reality of blurring all the lines settled within her. The weight of those dark brown eyes as he gazed up from between her thighs held her captive as she met his stare. His breath teased her cunt, but she swore he was trying to read her mind.

The calluses on his fingers were rough over her skin and she arched her hips as he stroked one hand over her abdomen and up to her breast. The other he kept firmly planted on the inside of her thigh. The trust in those eyes though, that threatened to undo as the muscles in her legs flexed.

With absolute care, he stroked his tongue along her labia from her entrance to her clit. The tickle of his goatee sent a fresh shiver of awareness up her spine. The moment he locked his lips around her clit though, pleasure rippled up her body in waves. No hesitation, no careful exploration, or teasing wonder. No, Tony staked his claim like he knew what he was doing and her body melted at the expert touch.

As he ramped her upward, she forced her legs to relax. The weight of his hand on her breast and she covered it with her own even as she began to massage her other breast with her free hand. She mirrored the stroked of his fingertips over her nipple. The hum of a growl vibrated her clit, the sensation so intense it sent a shock up her spine and then his tongue worked that bundle of nerves like his own personal instrument.

It was only on the third pass that she registered he was spelling words and delight speared her even as he eased his fingers inside of her.  _ Come Red _ .  _ Come. For. Me. _

Fuck.

Whether it was the exquisite pressure, the way his tongue worked her clit, the curve of his fingers inside of her, the way he teased her nipple with his work-roughened fingers or the fact he fucking spelled out messages to her she couldn't really say, but her body responded to the demand. She went pure liquid heat as pleasure unfurled within and she came apart.

Biting her lip, she swallowed her moans. Old habits and then he dug his fingers in and the next message he spelled out as he pursued her next orgasm relentlessly was  _ Let. Me. Hear _ .  _ You. Red _ .

Laughter eddied up under her next moan as he scissored his fingers before curling them to stroke her g-spot and then her vision whited out as she let go and rode his pleasurable assault.

His half-muttered, "fuck," against her sensitive flesh sent another quiver through her and she was so close to coming again. Stroking her nails down the hard muscles of his arm, she combed her fingers through his hair and then tightened them only slightly.

The haze of need and want collided. If they were blurring lines, she wanted to decimate them. He lifted that sinful mouth from her cunt and stared up at her with a wicked grin as he thrust his fingers in a move to mimic the dick she wanted inside of her.

"Kiss me, moy umnyy," she demanded in a husky voice. "Kiss me and fuck me."

His pupils flared and he ran his tongue over his lips, but she didn't have to ask twice. He freed his fingers and then crawled up to her. The muscles on his body rippled. He had little fat on him no matter how much he tried to affect the dilettante. She'd wrestled with this body, worked out with him, taught him and now as she cradled his hips between her thighs, fisted his hair and opened her mouth to his wet kiss, she strained eagerly to feel all of him.

His dick rolled along her soaked labia and he stared down at her fiercely before teasing her lips with a lighter kiss than she wanted. "You wanna be on top, Red?" He waggled his eyebrows. "We didn't have this conversation, I always assumed you'd want to be on top, you know..."

Adoring him, she wrapped her thighs around his hips and a hand around his cock. With one little twist, she had him in place and then he thrust into her and his words died as his mouth opened in a soundless 'o.'

"I want you, Shellhead," she said as she dragged him down for a kiss. The feel of him thrusting into her had her clenching around his dick and he shuddered as he began to move. The rock and twist of his hips as he began to move had her arching to meet him. It was like dancing and Tony could move. He wrapped his arms around her, fingers in her hair as he tilted her head back.

Dueling with his tongue, she licked the taste of her from his mouth as his movements grew more aggressive. She matched him thrust for thrust, digging her nails into his shoulders and increasing the pressure of her thighs. Every bit of rotation he added to hips as he filled her ground against her clit and the world splintered.

He released her mouth to kiss his way to her throat and then his movements grew frenetic. Sweat slicked them as he tumbled over onto his back and stared up at her. At the unspoken request, she took over and rode him, clamping down with her inner muscles each time she took him to the hilt. His fingers bit into her hips and he arched up to catch her nipple in his teeth and then she let go.

Pleasure fountained up in her, hot and molten and her vision whited out. He shouted her name as he came and they writhed together as he let loose spurts and shuddered with each one.

Collapsing against him, she treasured the hammer of his heart. The strong beat of it, aware of the faintest stutter that existed, a weakness in the flawed muscle they had been strengthening. The feel of him pounded into her and she tightened her grip on him as she floated in that haze of bliss.

How long they lay there, she didn't try to count. Vaguely she grew aware of the dampness between her thighs as he softened, the stroke of his fingers from her ass to her neck as he trailed them up and down her spine. The faintest scratch of the hair on his chest teased her aching nipples.

"Something you should know," he murmured in a thick voice. "I know you guys have been talking about babies."

She flicked her eyes open to look up at him.

He stared at her with such  _ love _ in his eyes, open and naked, it sucked all the breath from her lungs. She'd seen him playful, wicked, teasing, furious, hurt, and focused. This—all of this  _ love _ aimed at her filled in a hunger that only James and Steve had been able to assuage. The love from all of them buffeted her in a way she couldn't and frankly didn't care to explain. They loved her and she loved them.

Fiercely.

"I got snipped a few years back," he continued still drawing lazy patterns on her back. "I'm fine with that. No unexpected little babies for me."

Warmth fisted her heart.

"If that becomes an option you want to explore with me, Mrs. Stark, I'm all yours, until then—I'll follow your lead and any child of yours is going to be loved. I promise."

Tears turned her vision wavery as she pressed upwards to kiss him. "Too soon to talk about babies," she told him. "James and I wanted another and I know they want that for me if it's what I want." And James wanted it badly, but he would never demand it from her. "We're also not sure I'll ever heal enough again."

"You want a baby, I'll make it happen," Tony promised fiercely. "You want Cap's kid or Bucky's, we'll make it happen. Have both. Have a whole brood." He tumbled her over onto her back and stared down at her with such intensity she believed him. "I'll fix anything you need fixed, Red."

She smiled softly. "Friday...time?"

"You have roughly thirty-five of the ninety minutes Boss allotted."

His eyes flared as she traced a finger down his cheek. "I like what you're thinking there, Red, but I hate to say my recovery might take a bit longer."

"Challenge accepted, Mr. Stark." She flipped him onto his back again and began to kiss her path down his body. "I believe you've had your first time in my cunt, now I want you in my throat."

His muttered "fuck" made her smile. It took a little effort and they cut it close, but she had him exploding by the twenty-five-minute mark and his shouts of ecstasy delighted her.

"Now," he admitted after they flopped together side by side on the bed and she licked her lips. "It's a party."

Liho chose that moment to stroll up between them and flop down, tail lashing as if she’d just waited for them to get done in order to pay attention to her.

It was her turn to laugh.


	49. The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nat, Tony, and the Avengers get ready for the party. Also, Tony has a gift for Nat.

**Chapter Forty-Nine**

_ The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage _

**Natalia/Natasha**

_ "We've had dignitaries and more arriving over the last hour. Everyone from the newly-appointed U.S. Secretary of State to the Vice President of the United States and rumor has it the Russian President may be on his way with his diplomatic core. While we were expecting this to be the event of the year, could it possibly be the setting for a diplomatic incident? The current monarch of Wakanda, King T'Challa arrived with his own entourage just twenty minutes ago and the crowds out here are getting thicker. Word has it that the Starks will be making a street-side appearance but security presence is growing and members of the press corps have been moved inside the barriers here at Avengers Tower." _

"Laura Barton," Friday announced as the elevator slid open. Natalia had gone down to get dressed and ready for the party though she would rather have just relaxed for the rest of the day. Tony had even offered to fly them out but she pointed out that Pepper would hunt them both down. James and Steve were both beautiful in their suits and Tony said he'd see her right before.

_ "It's bad luck to see your escort before the party." _

_ At her snort, he'd rolled over her and gazed down with a teasing smile before he traced his finger over her lower lip. _

_ "You haven't even asked about your dress." _

_ Natalia laughed. "I'm sure you sorted it all out. You do love dressing me up." _

_ "That's a little weird, isn't it?" _

_ She shrugged a shoulder even as she ran her leg up along the back of his. They had about ninety seconds before Friday would tell them they needed to shower and get moving. Their little interlude over. "I enjoy the attention to detail—I'm assuming you added the weapons belt and other toys to my dress?" While they didn't talk about the beautiful gold dress he'd fashioned for her that had been lost with the Mandarin, she did miss it occasionally. Tony had a gift with weapons and he'd armed her well. _

_ It had almost been enough despite everything the Mandarin threw at her. If not for his rings... _

_ She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. _

_ "Hey..." At the concern in his voice, she flicked her eyes open and met the worry in his brown eyes. Worry edged by anger. "Where did you go?" _

_ "Nowhere important, Shellhead." She trailed her finger down his face, right over his nose to his lips. "I know where I am and I'm looking forward to your surprise." _

_ "This won't be like last time, Red," he promised. _

_ "I know," she assured him. "You're gonna hover in your own ways, but Friday has all of our sides covered here." _

_ "Yes, I do, Nat. Boss, it's time for both of you to shower and begin preparations for getting ready. You both have plans for just before you arrive at the party." _

_ Tony made a face. "It's not too late to run away." _

_ "Boss, Miss Potts and Colonel Rhodes wanted me to remind you that you were joining them for appetizers and a chat." At Friday's cheerful announcement, Tony made a face. _

_ "Fine, you and me—we're running away, Red. We can bring the Wonder Twins or they can follow after, I don't care. But I want to steal away with you for a few days." _

_ "Deal." _

"Thank you, Friday. Is Clint with her?"

Peter and May had arrived a few minutes earlier, but Natalia hadn't quite finished getting ready. She had to admit, Tony had outdone himself. It was a strapless A-line with a full-length skirt that would flare if she turned. It also boasted a pair of slits that would show a generous amount of leg. But the bodice itself was lined and the mesh was fine armor, she recognized it from the previous dress. While the crimson fabric was perfect, it was the intricate gold lace and hints of actual real gold woven through the bodice that made it stand out. She was wearing his colors, but he'd hidden two actual black widows, her symbol in the fabric itself between the weaving.

There were armbands that went around her biceps and a necklace. Friday confirmed they would generate nano-tech to match the armor generated by her bracelets. The earrings were rubies, but they weren't from Tony, they were from Steve. He'd given them to her before she'd come in to get dressed.

He and James both followed to see the undergarments, because James had picked these out and helped Tony with the design. The sheer pleasure on his face when she wore the black lace weapons belt as well as the corset and panties had left her cunt clenching in anticipation. They both knew where she'd been and they'd only asked if she and Tony were good and at her grin, she'd gotten a swat from James and a promise for more from Steve.

That relaxed one, lingering concern. After checking her weapons, they'd left her to finish dressing on her own. Tonight's party was a lot of pomp and circumstance. It was a demonstration to the world of a united front not only for her and Tony but also for the Avengers as a whole. There would be wheeling, dealing, and politics at play. She had old and new friends in attendance. But the press pool stopped short of the party itself.

She and Tony would have to go down to make a statement and their guests would also be able to access the press for any comments they wanted to make, but in the ballroom itself, that was reserved to the catering staff, their guests, and of course, the Avengers themselves. It was the reason why Clint was willing to bring a pregnant Laura to the party and why May and Peter could be there more prominently. Peter working as Tony's intern was a solid cover. Peter openly dating Wanda could create other issues. It was just better to avoid them altogether.

She studied her appearance in the mirror. She wore both rings—Tony's and James'. While she couldn't wear Steve's dog tags around her neck, she had wound them around part of the corset so they were tucked right between her breasts. He's insisted she didn't need to, but like the arrow necklace and the spiders were both in her jewelry box. She didn't want to leave Steve's behind, too.

The cosmetics were light but she'd gone for the smokier look around her eyes on purpose. Tonight was about drama, setting the stage, owning the stage, and owning being Natasha Stark. The corner of her mouth quirked.

Of all the covers she'd ever thought she would have...

A knock on the door pulled her attention and she glanced over as Laura stuck her head in. She looked stunning in the navy blue dress with the illusion sleeves and the lace flowers that made up the bodice.

"Clint is gonna be growling at every guy tonight," she said by way of greeting and Laura burst out laughing.

"This old thing?" She slid inside and closed the door behind her before she let out a low whistle. "Also, no one is going to look at me with you in that. You look like a femme fatale."

Natalia snorted. "Not hard to look like what I am."

Swatting her shoulder, Laura joined her at the mirror. "Don't even start that. You're one of the most genuine and generous people I know. Now, why are you hiding in here when you have people waiting for you out there? Including the sweetest young man who is so damn polite, it makes my heart hurt."

"No reason, just trying to get into the headspace for tonight, I suppose." It was hard to explain. When she and Tony made their entrance, they would be on for the rest of the night. Tonight was as much a  _ party _ as it was a performance. They had a mission, the pair of them. Everyone else did, as well, to a certain extent and as much as she loved Tony and treasured their relationship, tonight wasn't about that. It was about the picture they presented to the world.

With a sigh, Laura turned and leaned against the dresser then folded her arms. She'd pulled the rich brown of her hair up into an elegant twist that spilled down into a single tail in the back. It highlighted her cheekbones even though her face had already begun to fill in a little. Laura always looked stunning pregnant.

"How are you?" Natalia asked before Laura could dive into the lecture. "How's my new namesake?"

She laughed. "We're both fine. Believe it or not, the morning sickness hasn't been remotely an issue this time. Not like before. Tired, but then the kids are a handful and the move and all."

"The house is amazing."

"Nat, it's more than amazing, but you're not going to distract me."

One eyebrow raised, Natalia inclined her head. "I'm fine, Laura."

"You're worried about tonight."

"Yes and no." Which wasn't a full answer.

"Because of the holiday party?"

"Perhaps that's an additional concern," Natalia said slowly. "But more in the sense of avoiding all the things that could contribute to a similar incident here. The fact that we're having it here, mitigates that and Laura—if any of us thought for even an instant that was an issue..."

"I wouldn't be here," she said. "Fair. That doesn't mean it isn't getting to you a little. You've had a challenging few months. This—this is another challenge. Marriage. Tony. Juggling the relationships. Dealing with the public. The accords. The team. Peter."

"I'm doing okay," Natalia assured her and at the questioning look on Laura's face, she held up a hand. "Really. I have James. I have Steve. I have Tony and Peter. Honestly, as things go, I have more right now than I ever have. And I'm happy."

The last three words arrested Laura's next words and she let out a little sigh. "Really?"

"Really." It always touched her when Laura worried. In the beginning, she really hadn't thought herself worth it and now, now it was odd in its own way because while she'd always known she was older and she felt some of those years. "If I don't seem that way at the moment, it's only because I'm preparing for tonight."

"You know you're stunning and the guys are going to have a hard time keeping their eyes off you."

Natalia chuckled. "I could say the same about you. Now, if you get tired or..."

"Oh God," Laura groaned and tilted her head back. "Don't you start."

"Of course, I'm going to start. That's my goddaughter in there."

Laura grinned. "We hope."

"Well, if it's another godson, I guess you and Clint will have to go for baby number five."

That earned her another swat and a real laugh.

One more glance at herself and she nodded, then turned to head for the door and paused only when her hand was on the handle. "Are you really okay, too?"

Laura was one of her oldest friends in this life as well as being the wife of her best friend. "I'm good," she promised, holding up three fingers. "Scout's honor."

"Good." Opening the door, she let the conversations taking place in the living room and kitchen of Steve's floor spill in. Clint and James were in the kitchen, both of them in deep discussion—probably over a security issue at the house or maybe a new weapon. Honestly, it could be about a new movie. The two got along so well. They both flashed looks at Natalia and Laura. James' smile sent warmth through her, particularly combined with the knowing twinkle in his eyes.

"They're plotting something," Laura murmured. "Why do I think it'll involve a moat or turrets?"

Natalia chuckled and slid her arm through Laura's. "Because they are both very determined to protect what they love. Just go with it and if you need me to break you out, I'll take care of it."

"I heard that, kotyonok."

"Of course you did, zvezda moya." Natalia winked at him as she turned to where Steve and Peter were holding court near the sofas.

"Oh my god," May said as she rose with a glass of champagne in her hand. "Nat. You look..."

"Right?" Laura said. "She could go in a brown paper sack and still be a knockout."

Wanda laughed. "I'd almost love to see Tony's reaction if you showed up in a brown paper sack."

Natalia snorted and leaned into Steve when he dropped a kiss on her nose and then a swift one to her lips. "You good, Angel?"

"Da, soltnce moya. You will all get the hovering out of your system here, hmm?" She meant it teasing, but he only gave her a long measuring look before he nodded.

"I'll do my best."

She couldn't ask for more.

"As will I," James offered as he slid up behind her and pressed a kiss to her shoulder. "But you'll have one of us shadowing you all night. We expect security to be tight, but you have other issues."

"The delegates."

"The Russian president," James said in a soft voice and Peter shot them both a look, but she shook her head at him.

"It's fine malen'kiy pauk. We wondered if he would try to make a statement tonight with his presence."

May raised a brow. "And here I thought the only thing we had to worry about was how wild the party would be. I've heard stories about Stark parties in the past."

Natalia chuckled. "But that's half the fun..."

And a wonderful distraction.

_ "Earlier this afternoon, the Avengers came out to greet school children and more who had made the trip down here in the hopes of catching a glimpse and made their day. From Captain America to Iron Man and Black Widow, the presence of the former Winter Soldier and Spider-Man just added to the festive atmosphere. The hashtags #IronWidow #AvengersLove #AvengerWedding #IronMan4Life and #BlackWidowLeague are currently trending on social media, though pictures of all of them are circulating." _

**Tony**

"This one?" Tony checked the tie in the mirror.

"Boss, you picked out the tie and vest that went with Nat's dress."

"I did..." Still, he debated whether matching was the way to go. He wanted to match. He wanted to provide a united front. He wanted everyone to know she was  _ his _ wife and that possessiveness flooding him surprised the hell out of him. Yes, she was Bucky's girl, she would always be his. She was Steve's, too.

_ But she's my wife. _

Two hours earlier, he'd had her wrapped around him in his bed. The sound of her throaty laughter a caress for his senses, but more—it had been the look in her eyes. From the moment he'd begun his hunt to find her to waking her up from cryo in Wakanda to the shattered heart as she remembered who her daughter was and that her daughter was dead—all he'd wanted to do was fix things for  _ her _ .

The world had not been her ally. Yet, she still found a way to love. More she'd found light to protect. As much as he had hated Bucky for killing his parents, he could admit it hadn't been  _ Bucky _ who did it. As they'd sent the Winter Soldier to kill his parents, they'd also sent the Black Widow to save him. The irony wasn't lost on him.

Or maybe it was fate.

She and Bucky managed to find each other again and again. When she lost him that last time, she'd made her way back into Tony's life via SHIELD, sure, but she'd helped build the Avengers. Build their family and given him a reason to build a bridge with Steve and Bucky.

Dropping the other tie, he looped the gold and red one that matched her dress around his collar. He still needed to button it up then fix the tie, but for now, it would do. He swung the vest on and then reached for the jacket. She was his wife, but she was also his teammate, his friend, and the person who'd helped pull him out of the cold darkness, literally and figuratively.

"Tony, have you heard a word I've said?"

Pivoting, he glanced at Pepper. When had she come in? "That's a strange way to start a conversation."

Surprise flickered across her face as she reached forward and buttoned his collar before beginning to fix his tie into place. "Are you really that nervous?"

Was he? His pulse was a little fast and his breathing a tad shallow? Maybe. He forced himself to take a deeper breath as she straightened his tie. Nat was on him about his cardiovascular health. "Yes," he finally answered. "I am a bit nervous."

"She agreed with the plan." Pepper gave him a look as he took over buttoning his vest.

True. But... "She could change her mind." Considering the guest list and those trying to get in. If the pirate king hadn't already tried to see her when she was out, he'd suspect him of making an appearance.

Then there was Coulson.

"She loves you."

Tony flashed Pepper a smile but when he reached for the cufflinks, she took over.

"That's why she  **should** change her mind!"

"Tony?" She eyed him as she fixed each cufflink into place.

The look on her face made him wary. It was the expression she wore when she was maneuvering him into a corner or expected an answer she wouldn't like. In the past, he avoided those questions like the plague. Why fight? But today? "What?"

"Are you planning on running?"

"What?" He turned around and scoffed at her. They locked gazes and his eyebrows rose. Was she serious? Holy crap, she was. Rhodey leaned in the doorway, his expression bemused.

"It's a fair question, Tony," he offered. "You're a little wild-eyed like this is the actual wedding rather than just the reception announcing to the whole world that Tony Stark is no longer a player. He's a happily married man. So, if you were gonna bolt, now would be the time to do it."

"You two are insane, certifiably. I forbid you to spend any more time together discussing me. I think it'll be safer for all of us." Swinging his jacket on, he double-checked the placement of the arc reactor just under the vest. It would do what he needed in the event that he needed it. "You should know, though if I were going to bolt,  _ which I'm not _ , I'd do it with some style and panache and in a full suit of armor because she's a damn good shot and Bucky's better."

Rhodey laughed at him, but Pepper actually frowned. "Do you really think she'd shoot you?"

"Red?" He considered it for all of a heartbeat. "No." There had been times when he thought she could have. So many times. There'd been times when he'd pushed her, too. But no. Not Red. Natasha had damn near died more than once to protect him. "Bucky? In a heartbeat. We have an understanding. Me running? That would be breaking the understanding."

And he appreciated that Bucky would do that. They put Natasha first. It was something he, Steve, and Bucky all agreed on. She was the center for them and for Tony. Putting her needs above their own no matter what she said was going to be their choice.

Her safety.

Her sanity.

Her happiness.

"Is the Russian president actually here, Baby Girl?"

"Yes, Boss. He's using credentials for an assistant attache to the Russian diplomatic mission at the U.N. But facial recognition has identified him. He is currently in the atrium with the earlier arrivals as they begin mingling. Captain Rogers indicated he and Sergeant Barnes will be heading down shortly. Miss Carter and Vision are already present as is Mr. Wilson. Colonel Rhodes the Secretary of State has cleared the first security checkpoint and will be in the building in the next fifteen minutes."

"Thank you, Friday." Straightening, Rhodey studied him for a beat. "You got this, Tony?"

"I got this."

Holding out his hand, he said, "Congratulations."

Tony chuckled. "Don't get soft on me now, Platypus. And never be jealous, there's only one you, Honey Bear."

His best friend chuckled then ran a hand down Pepper's arm before he kissed her cheek. "You good here?"

"Yes," she told him and Tony gave them a moment. He didn't miss the significant look they exchanged. Moving the conversation was in order, particularly with Rhodey heading out. Pepper walked him to the elevator as Tony pulled a bottle of ice-cold water and then poured Pepper a glass of wine. He had a couple of bottles up here for Red for later.

"Thank you," she said as he passed her the glass. "Are you really okay?"

"I'm fine, Pep, better than fine." He clinked his bottle of water against her glass. "To a brighter future, for both of us."

Her smile gentled and she let out a breath. "I really am happy for you."

"I appreciate that." He nodded toward the sofa and led her over to take a seat. "Now tell me what's wrong."

"Not tonight," Pepper said. "Tonight is about you and Nat. I know I overstepped. You had every right to be angry with me. Both of you did. I still would have done it. It protected her and closed down an entire line of investigation and prosecution that she didn't deserve."

He could appreciate that.

"But it also overstepped the bounds of our friendship." She gave him a small smile. "We've had our moments."

"We have."

"But you've always trusted me."

"Not as much as I should," he admitted. "There were times when I shut you out, times I shouldn't have." 

"There were times when I wanted you to treat me like someone who was in the field with you even when I didn't understand why you kept putting yourself out there." Pepper sighed. "I spent so long trying to change you, to keep you safe, but that's never going to be you."

He dipped his chin. "Pep..."

"No," she said softly, raising a hand. "I get it, but more importantly, she does. She can go out there with you, back you up. She really is your true partner. And that? That makes you safer."

"Thank you for supporting us." She didn't have to. "You have always had my back, Pepper. Even when I was a jackass who didn't deserve it."

Clearing her throat, she raised the wine glass. "To you and Nat. May you find together what you need and more—what makes you both happy."

Before touching his bottle to her glass, he added, "And you. We want you to be happy, Pepper. Both of us. We want you safe, too."

At the clink, she chuckled. "That I am very well aware of and it's better now with Marc gone."

He couldn't help it. "And Rhodey?"

"A subject I'm not ready to discuss with you yet, but he has asked to spend more time with me and I adore Rhodey. Beyond that..."

"You take care of my Platypus."

"You take care of Natalie from Legal." A teasing glint entered her eyes and some of the tension in her expression eased.

"What did you call her back then?"

"A walking sexual harassment suit," she said before draining the last of her wine and rising. The mint green dress she wore draped her curves beautifully and flowed as she moved.

"And I said I wanted one." The memory of Nat tossing Happy on his ass flooded his mind. "Now I have her." It was almost surreal. He did have her. Not just "one"—the one.

Pepper chuckled. "You have that look again."

He blinked. "What look?"

Rubbing his shoulder, she paused to kiss the top of his head. "The look that says you're in love and you can't believe that you are."

"No, I utterly believe that I am." He had been for so long. "Just hard to believe she loves me back."

The elevator dinged open and he turned to find Pepper standing between the doors. "I'm going to go down and start smoothing the way. You're making your entrances last?"

"That's the plan."

They'd make the splash when all of their guests were there.

"See you soon." Then he was alone and he stared at the bottle of water in his hand before setting it down and rising to walk over to the windows.

The city glittered beyond them. It was quiet out there and he could only hope it remained that way.

"Boss, Nat is on her way up."

"Thanks, Baby Girl."

He checked his cuff links then walked over to the table and picked up the envelope he'd had prepared earlier. Tucking it into his pocket, he walked over to wait for the doors to open.

Even though he knew what her dress would look like, she was still stunning when she appeared and the quiet, knowing smile on her lips warmed him from head to toe.

"You look...breathtaking." He held out a hand to her and savored the contact as she crossed to him. Her cosmetics were flawless. The green of her eyes damn near jewel-faceted. "How do you get more beautiful every time I see you, Red?"

The softness of her fingers against his own was something to savor. He lifted her hand and kissed the back of it before turning it over and pressing a kiss to her palm.

"I think that's all you," Natasha teased him. "But I really do love the dress."

"You like the updated additions to the weapons' belt?" Bucky had been positively inspired when they'd discussed it.

"Very much. I like having my choice of knives."

"And as tempting as it would be to see which ones I can feel right now, I'll refrain. Would you like a drink before we go down? A double shot of vodka maybe?"

Natasha laughed. "Actually, I think I'm all right." Hand in hand, they walked over to the windows. The lights gleamed in the distance and Friday dimmed the lights inside. He shot a look at one of the overhead camera views and tsked. "She means well," Natasha told him and turned so that she could face him. They might be all dressed up, but she was still the woman who sat cross-legged on a kitchen counter with her laptop as she cracked codes and hacked her way past his defenses.

Everything else was just window dressing.

But what a damn fine window dressing it was, too. Tracing his fingers over her wedding ring, he said, "You ready for this?"

"Yes," she said. "You?"

"Ready to tell the whole world you're my wife and they better treat you like you're solid gold?" He raised his eyebrows. "You're too smart a woman to ask that question."

The music began to filter through the speakers and he spared a look upward. "Baby Girl...I got this."

Natasha dipped her head back as a full-throated laugh escaped but when he slipped an arm around her and she flowed into him and began to move easily as he led her in the dance.

"Red," he began and while a part of him fumbled for the words, the rest of him just leaned into it. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For you. For this. For turning my Tower into a home. For welcoming me into yours."

"You're going soft on me, aren't you?" There was just the barest hint of teasing in her voice.

"I went soft for you a long time ago," he admitted. "Just took me time to get past the prickly exterior so I could admit it."

"Whose prickly exterior?" The ease with which she followed his lead delighted him.

"The safest answer would be both. You needed to be able to trust me and I had to stop wanting to take you apart." This admission had been a long time coming. "I saw it, you know, in how you fought and how you moved—even how you thought. The day I realized that I was thinking of you like a weapon, like all those others who used you in your life, it crossed a line in me I refused to cross."

"And instead you became my protector," Natasha pointed out. "Tracking me across the globe and even partnering with Steve, whom you didn't trust..."

"...with good reason," Tony reminded her. "But that was a wound we needed to clean out and heal. Without you—I don't think we would have done it." He sighed as he slid his hand along her back. "That would have been a shame for everyone."

"You're not alone, Tony." Four simple words and yet they meant everything. "Neither of us are. You found Peter before I did. You took care of him long before you knew who he was to me. You built weapons and armor and waded into political battles to protect all of us. Even when you didn't trust me, you still wanted to make sure I was safe. To make sure Steve was safe and when James came to us..."

They slowed and she brushed her fingers down his cheek.

"You found a way to forgive him for also being the Soldier."

"You love the Soldier," he said slowly. Not loved. Love. "Don't you?"

"I do," she admitted. "For a long time when he was only the Soldier, the Soldier protected me. I know what he did...."

"What he was ordered to do."

Natasha sighed. "Your father was my friend. He helped me when he didn't have to. I am sorry you lost him and Maria both."

That right there pulled a sigh out of him as he pressed his lips to her forehead. "I don't know why I brought up all this maudlin stuff. We should be talking about how delicious it was for me to bury my face between your thighs or how much I enjoyed finally sinking into you and yet..."

"Intimacy is more than sex, Tony. There are still raw pieces between us. Scrapes and wounds—shots in the neck and little lies and betrayals. They all sting in their own way. You forgave James, more—you seem to like him now."

"I respect him," he admitted. "And while I don't think anyone who isn't you can truly understand what he went through, I think through you—through helping you—I am learning what it meant to be him and how much that life cost him."

This time when he dipped his head, he kissed her, slow and gentle as they kept moving to the music.

"Red, I love you and our family. That includes the Wonder Twins."

She nipped his lower lip. "You're triplets now, you need a new nickname."

"I'll have to think about that."

"Boss," Friday said quietly. "It's time, all your guests have arrived."

All of them. "Wow, they were actually relatively on time."

When he offered Natasha his arm, she threaded hers through his and they walked toward the elevator. The ride down was quiet, he really didn't know why he'd brought all of that up, but at the same time, he wanted to clear the air. When he and Bucky had been working on her new weapons belt, they'd talked.

Really talked and about more than just her.

She might be the glue that brought them together, but he could see why his father had liked Bucky Barnes. So he focused on that man, the man who had never abandoned the woman they loved. That alone would be enough to respect him and if the Soldier was that devoted to her, even better.

Natasha squeezed his arm and he smiled. The elevator let them out one level above the atrium. They would make their entrance from above. "Before we go down," he said. "I have one more gift for you."

"Gift?" She frowned as he pulled the envelope from inside his jacket. "If you cut up that prenup, you're going to be in trouble."

He smirked. "Open it. And I wouldn't give you the shredded document of the prenup anyway. That's tacky. Besides, I burned it. Pepper wasn't thrilled but she got the point."

She gave him a long look, then opened the envelope while he watched. There were two sheets of paper. One had his vitals and medical records including detailing his sexual health and disease-free status. At her quirked eyebrow, he shrugged a little. The second page was his kink list.

"I know it's a little old fashioned, but since we skipped some of the important parts on the way here, I thought going old school would be the way to go."

A real laugh escaped her and her whole face lit up.

Below them, a drum roll played and Pepper said, "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us tonight, I know Tony and Natasha are thrilled so many of you want to celebrate with them. So without further ado, please allow me to present Mr. and Mrs. Stark."

The smile he wore was genuine as was hers. The envelope vanished back into his inner pocket and she leaned up to kiss him and Tony ignored them all for a moment as he leaned into the kiss. Laughter eddied up from below, along with more clapping, but it all faded as he held her.

They'd made it.

"Oh," he murmured as she pulled away. "I almost forgot...I did one other thing..." Delight curved through him at her narrowed eyes, but he guided her to the top of the stairs and scanned the room. He'd slipped his glasses on for a reason. Natasha's rich laughter when she spotted the racing ponies ice sculpture in the middle of the catering area was exactly the reaction he'd been going for.

"You got me a pony."

"Oh," Tony promised as they descended the steps. "I'm just getting started."

_ “While the press is not allowed in the grand atrium of Avengers Tower where the reception is being held, Mr. and Mrs. Stark will be stepping into the press room at some point this evening to take questions and there are pictures appearing on social media of the finery, the glitter, and the glam. The best image of all just came through and we’re sharing it here as the Starks arrive for their party, their attention very much on each other. All those rumors of a fake wedding and marriage or fake relationship are being put to rest. It would seem that this really is a love story. This is Christine Everhart, we’ll be back with more details later this evening.” _


End file.
